Favorite/Funniest Zoidberg quotes

[Reply #80 on:]

 

Originally posted by zomit:
Zoidberg: "So, what do I do now, friends?"
(Silence)
Zoidberg: "Hello? friends?......friends??"
-Futurama The Game

Ya know there is so much great Futurama comedy in the game... I really wish they'd make another...
 

[Reply #81 on:]

Sounds a bit like "Well at least I'll die with my friends .... hello?" in "The Deep South"

[Reply #82 on:]

2.two meals in one week. freinds help a ginea pig tricked me-Antholigy of intrest 1

1.Quiet Hermes i'm dedusing thing-Antholigy of intrest 1

3.I'm seeing a movie with freinds-Raging bender

[Reply #83 on:]

"I'm the most important doctor at the delivery company where I work." --Zoidberg

Thought of another one I find amusing
Fry: "I thought you knew how to navigate!"
Zoidberg: "Stop yelling at me!"
------------------
"Who needs courage when you can have... a gun!"

[Reply #84 on:]

"I'm having a wonderful time!"

[Reply #85 on:]

Maybe not quite exact quotes, but...

300 Big Boys
------------

Z: "This is just like that time I swallowed that other watch Kif gave you"

Amy: "Yeah, it is sort of like that"

Z: "to induce vomiting, that was the solution. EVERYWHERE it went" <chuckles> "oh, what a Valentines Day THAT was!"


Bend-Her
--------

Coilette: "Zoidy poo, please tell me frilly is in this year"

Z: "I found a cake in here you'll remember all your life. <suddenly dreamy> I know I will. Late at night it haunts me with its frosted beauty. <suddenly angry, bangs claw on table> ORDER THE CAKE, DAMMITT!!!"

and for brilliant simplicity:

War is the H word
-----------------

Z<while operating on wounded soldier>: "Sponge. Blood bucket. Priest. NEXT PATIENT!"

[Reply #86 on:]

Not really a quote but, The aplogy dance! 
Also Zoidberg in the 30% iron chef was hilarious

[Reply #87 on:]

"Thats my joke!! I'll KILL YOU!!! RAAAAAA!!!!!"

[Reply #88 on:]

"Makes me horney in the Gonads"

[Reply #89 on:]

Dr. Zoidberg - Morgon scoulded me with hot water, she's risking our friendship i tell you.

[this follows on its not Zoidberg but its funny]

Lela - Bender what happened to you?

Bender - There i was walking the professor when this women accused me of stealing her purse, so i threw the professor at her but she kept on comming, then i had to hit her with this purse i found.  The point is its morgans fault!  Why if that pencil pusshing scass wag was here right now i'd...what is she behind me? (reaches back)

Morgan - No i'm in front of you.

Bender - (Screams) - [funniest bender scream ever]

[Reply #90 on:]

probably mentioned before, but
"and the crowd goes wild!"

[Reply #91 on:]

This might have been said but...

"Gracias!"
~When Aliens Attack.

[Reply #92 on:]

"What?! My mother was a saint! Get out!!"

[Reply #93 on:]

Also probably mentioned earlier but,
"A feast is a feast"

[Reply #94 on:]

"Casual hello. It's me, Zoidberg. Act naturally." - 30%IronChef

[Reply #95 on:]

"...and one time, PEPPERONI! Ahahaha, what a day that was."

[Reply #96 on:]

"Jamaican me crazy!"

[Reply #97 on:]

"Gumberculese?! I love that guy!"
- Zoidberg "Parasites Lost"

[Reply #98 on:]

Zoidberg: If you'll excuse me I'm going to go finish those potato chips Amy had yesterday.
Amy: Those were toe-nail clippings!
Zoidberg: A feast is a feast.

[Reply #99 on:]

"Urgh, I've seen barnacles move faster than you! Big fat ones!"
- From the Season 4, Disc 4 menus. All those Season 4 menus are great.

[Reply #100 on:]

Bender: Wow, that guy must have to be like the world's greatest bender. My dreams of glory died before they began.

Zoidberg: Welcome to my life!

[He bursts into tears.]
-Bend Her

Its not a quote, but when everybody was on the couch and throwing scraps of food for Zoidberg. I cant remember which episode, but it is so funny.

[Reply #101 on:]

Zoidberg: If you'll excuse me I'm going to go finish those potato chips Amy threw in the garbage.

Amy: Those were toenail clippings!

Zoidberg: A feast is a feast.

[Reply #102 on:]

 

Originally posted by germanfryfan:
"Casual hello. It's me, Zoidberg. Act naturally." - 30%IronChef

jup, that one is hilarious!

"I broke your television!" (Where the Buggalo roam)

"..as for me, I design mansions, then live in them." (the Farnsworth Parabox)

"I knew that, who said I didn't" (Parasites Lost)

"they're all like "stop spraying me with ink zoidberg" "put on pants zoidberg"" (the Farnsworth Parabox)

[Reply #103 on:]

If someone has already posted this quote then just consider this another vote for it.

Z: "Be careful with that Adlay Leela, he's a Doctor, they're very poor."

L: "Accually most Doctors are rich."

Z: "What! When did this happen?!? You're kidding right!?!" *Shaking Leela* "That's not funny!"

[Reply #104 on:]

Zoidberg: No! My home! It burned down! [Hermes and Bender walk out of the ship. Zoidberg cries.] How did this happen?

Hermes: That's a very good question.

[Bender picks up cigar.]

Bender: So that's where I left my cigar!

[He smokes it.]

Hermes: That just raises further questions.

[Reply #105 on:]

Not exact, but you get the idea:

Amy: Hermes, I sold my hair so that I could buy you this antique set of combs.
Hermes: What a coincidence! I sold MY hair so I could buy an antique set of combs for Zoidberg!
Zoidberg: Aha! These will perfectly with my new hair.
*pulls off hat and starts combing hair which looks suspiciously like Amy's and Hermes'*
Zoidberg: Finally, I look as pretty as I feel!

How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back: Last line: "Now it's time for MY song!" *he starts the song and it fades to black* "Awww..."

Also, although it's not really a quote, I love the noise he makes when he gets upset or insulted by someone. Likethe scene where Leela and Bender are talking and Bender says something like 'Oh, so I suppose it's just a coincidence that Zoidberg is both penniless AND cripplingly lonely.' to which Leela replies 'Actualy, for your information, it's because he's repulsive.'. Then Zoidberg makes that noise. Cracks me up every time 

[Reply #106 on:]

i only proffessional work on humans not robots

[Reply #107 on:]

I got three,

1. Whoop whoo whoo whoop, etc.

2. AND I'M HIS FRIEND JESUS!-A Tale of 2 Santa's

3. Fry: Hey Zoidberg get in here!
   Zoidberg: SCREW YOU!- Less Than A Hero

[Reply #108 on:]

Professor: "We're in the heart, better known as a the love muscle"
Zoidberg: "Where the food is digested"

[Reply #109 on:]

On one DVD, i guess that one where Fry has Worms inside his body...there is a deleted scene where Leela takes seat beside Zoidberg. He watches TV and Leela tells Zoidberg that she dont know if she is in love with Fry and stuff.  Zoidberg turns off the TV, leans to Leela and asks "Do you love me?" Leela then "no ?" he waits two seconds...then he turns on the TV again and goes on with watching TV.

Thats hilarius ...cant believe theyve cut that one out.

[Reply #110 on:]

It's probably been said by someone else, but:
(Harry Truman interrogates Zoidberg)
Zoidberg: "Are you coming on to me?"

Oh, and I have another good one (I'm paraphrasing):
(To Fry)Zoidberg: Listen, lady, I think I know a thing or two about human anatomy. (SP3000) 

[Reply #111 on:]

From <i>Why Must I Be A Crustacean In Love?</i> -- when Fry is teaching Zoidberg how to 'romance' Edna.
Edna: Zoidberg! I already rejected your mating dance.
Fry: Tell her you just want to talk.
Zoidberg: I just want to talk.  [to Fry] Fry, you're not making any sense.
Edna: Zoidberg, you're not making any sense.
[[Later]]
Fry: Tell her she's looking thin.
Zoidberg: You seem malnourished, do you have an internal parasite?

Not 100% accurate, but I can't believe nobody posted this! I laughed so hard when he said that. 

[Reply #112 on:]

"Now who's the tough guy vinnie?" *Eats Vinnie*
That one made me laugh so hard I almost busted my lung and spleen, and then a second time after i rewinded it.

And also from that same episode when he scares all the pregnant women in the pool.
Guy in Pool:"Is there a doctor in here?"
Crazy Enraged Zoidberg:"Im a doctor!!" *Starts snarling*

Zoidberg:"Now how am I going to release my  male jelly?"
Fry:"Here i'll lend you this" *holds up severed arm* (you know what that was implying)     

Oh! And also;
Zoidberg sees guinea pig on plate:
Zoidberg:"Whats this? Two meals in one week?"
*Eats Guinea pig*
Zoidberg:"Friends! Help! A guinea pig tricked me!"

Sorry for posting so many, Zoidberg is just so cool, thats why noone likes him, there all jealous.

[Reply #113 on:]

'Bender You gotta spring me, i'm too pretty to be in here'  - from When Aliens Attack 

[Reply #114 on:]

"You don't want to end up lonely like ZOIDBERG! (sobs)!" - from "Time Keeps On Slipping.

[Reply #115 on:]

"I've heard of that! Who said I didn't?"

[Reply #116 on:]

When he does the apoligie dance " a da da da...." and so on in that fashion 

[Reply #117 on:]

"It's a trick, thats why, why don't i hear any gasping"

[Reply #118 on:]

"Yippy kiay! you'll never guess where ive been!"

[Reply #119 on:]

Zoidberg: Quiet please. I've called you all here to the parlour to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room...is a big murderer! [Everyone except Leela gasps. She realises and gasps a fake gasp.] You see, the killer left one fatal clue. This boot print on the Professor's lab coat!
[He holds up Farnsworth's lab coat. There is a huge black mark on the back of it.]
Leela: Uh, couldn't be me. I never wear boots. [She unzips her boots and plonks her feet on the table and twiddles her toes.] See?
Fry: Eww! What smells like boot feet?
[Cubert snorts.]
Cubert: This is preposterous. Obviously the murderer is--
[Leela turns the lights off and in the darkness is the sound of a sword impaling Cubert. The lights go back on. Cubert is dead. Scruffy gasps.]
Zoidberg: My next clue came at 4:15, when the clock stopped. And another came two hours later at 4:15, when I discovered the body of Amy's dead deceased corpse.
[He opens the clock and Amy tumbles out, clutching some purple hair.]
Scruffy: Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were--
[Leela turns the lights off and in the darkness is the sound of a sword impaling Scruffy. The lights go back on. Scruffy is dead.]
Zoidberg: So, it's just as I suspected all along. The crime...is unsolvable! [Nibbler makes noises and points at Leela. The lights go off, the sword stabs and when they come back on Nibbler is sandwiched between Scruffy and Cubert. An envelope comes through the door. Zoidberg reads the letter inside.] A letter from Bender, my good friend. (reading) Dear Dr Jerkberg. If you're reading this I'm already dead. The person who killed me was...was... [He looks up from the letter.] My God! It can't be! The murderer...it was -
[Fry yawns.]
Fry: I'm bored. You're boring Zoidberg. I'm gonna go watch TV.
Leela: Could you get the lights on your way out?