Favorite/Funniest Zoidberg quotes

[Reply #40 on:]

"It was me! I'm the hero!" from the one about beauracrats

"Clack, clack, clack."  and "Oh NO! I'm coming down!" from the one where Leela has to go to the doctor and Zoidy gets a tranquilizer

"I found this shell in the exact dumpster where I threw out my old one. Aside from the giant hole in the back, it was perfectly good! It even had a delicious cat carcass rotting inside" not 100%

[Reply #41 on:]

Zoidberg: Good bye friends! I'll miss you ... Good riddance to them. Now Zoidberg is the popular one!
Farnsworth: Yes, yes. Let's all talk to Zoidberg.
Amy: What up Zoidberg
Zoidberg: Aw you know the usual

[Reply #42 on:]

 

Originally posted by BiggieT:
"I found this shell in the exact dumpster where I threw out my old one. Aside from the giant hole in the back, it was perfectly good! It even had a delicious cat carcass rotting inside" not 100%

"And that's how I got my new shell! It looks just like the shell I threw out yesterday, and I found it in the same dumpster, but this one had a live racoon inside!"

[Reply #43 on:]

im sooo into you...
EDIT:
i forgot about the first time we met him

Zoidy: open ur mouth and lets have a look at that brain,nononono, not that mouth
Fry: i only have one
Zoidy: really, (checks pamphlet)
Fry: is there a human doctor around
Zoidy: young lady im an expert on humans, now pick a mouth open it and say "dodododo"
Fry: err, dodududodo
Zoidy: what?!?! My mother was a saint. Get out!

[Reply #44 on:]

dr c:yo yo whaz up dr zoideberg
zoidberg: yo yo yo whaz up give up the rock

[Reply #45 on:]

 

Originally posted by fryfanSpyOrama:
Zoidberg: Good bye friends! I'll miss you ... Good riddance to them. Now Zoidberg is the popular one!
Farnsworth: Yes, yes. Let's all talk to Zoidberg.
Amy: What up Zoidberg
Zoidberg: Aw you know the usual

This is also my favourite Zoidberg quote
 

[Reply #46 on:]

Zoidberg: "So long! I'm off to toss this old shell in the dumpster and maybe pick up those potato chips Amy didn't finish yesterday."
Amy: "Those were toe nail clippings"
Zoidberg: "A feast is a feast."

[Reply #47 on:]

Harold Zoid: "You want to be a comedian, is it?"
Zoidberg: "It's my lifelong dream!"
Harold Zoid: "Well that dream dies now! You're unfunny and untalented, that's why you're perfect for drama!"

[Reply #48 on:]

"Oh no!  The professor will hit me!"-30% Iron Chef
"I'm all scuttled out.."-ToF

[Reply #49 on:]

"This are so good.Like stale marsmelows.
And A Cherry!"~Zoidberg in the Pac-Man Game from AOI 2

"Ahh ha!"(pokes the fake eye off Leela,then eats it.)~ Zoidberg in the Singale Female Lawyer show from When Aliens Attack!

[Reply #50 on:]

"Ohhhhhhhhhh, the fresh air!"

[Reply #51 on:]

"AND I'M HIS FRIEND JESUS!"

[Reply #52 on:]

Zoidberg doesn't really say much in this one, but it's still one of my favorite Zoidberg scenes:

Leela: "Bender! Romance isn't about money!"
Bender: "Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Pulease..."
Leela: "For your information. It's because he's hideous."
Zoidberg: "Aww."

From Future Stock:
Zoidberg: "Awww, I have no shares! Ahahaha ... Wait! My sandwich! Has it also appriciated in value? Please, oh please!"
Hermes: "You didn't even refrigerate it you spineless lobster!"
Zoidberg: "You! Had to drag spines into this! Ahahhha"

[Reply #53 on:]

Um.. Um..
I'll take eight!
woopwoopwoopwoopwoopwoopwoopw oop...

[Reply #54 on:]

So many good ones... how can you choose a line form who is possibly the one-line master of the show...

Um, er... I choose...

"At least you're not old and lonely like ZOIDBERG!!!" (bawls like a baby, then recovers). "Go on..."

I love that lobster.

[Reply #55 on:]

"Woopie I'm Helping" is Mine

[Reply #56 on:]

"You have no nose on your face.
Where it is i can't say, but in your face it is not"

[Reply #57 on:]

"are you comming on to me?"
"I'm not hearing a noo."

[Reply #58 on:]

In amazon women in da mood when he gets the new shell catalogue he gets da village ppl costume of the police men with holes in the back side of the pants and he says "this 1 says im a summer guy"

[Reply #59 on:]

"Woopwoopwoopwoopwoop"
"Where the food is digested."
"I wasn't wearing it. I was eating it."
"What? Do I smell? Awww"
"And why did I have to take a cab?"
"Ain't got no cash. Ain't got no style. Ladies vomit when I smile"
And any line from Roswell That Ends Well and Futurestock.

[Reply #60 on:]

Why always with the fighting?
klack.

[Reply #61 on:]

 

Originally posted by Nasty Pasty:
"AND I'M HIS FRIEND JESUS!"

Damn you, you stole my favorite quote! Grrr ha ha just kidding...

I guess I'll have to settle on...

"You'll never guess where I've been!" -Parasites Lost   
by the way... welcome BiggieT!  You'll love this site, I know I do

[Reply #62 on:]

[Fry and Zoidberg are underwater]
Zoidberg- "So, how you doing Fry?"
*Fry tries to talk gargles gibberish*
Zoidberg- "Glad to hear it."

[Reply #63 on:]

"My house! It burned down! How did this happen?!"

So...The laws of physics are not as harsh a mistress as we were meant to believe....

[Reply #64 on:]

"Oh no, I broke the Pesach dishes!"
-on the audio commentary for 30% Iron Chef

"Everything's coming up Zoidberg!"
-I believe it's from a Kryten fic, but it cracks me up everytime (more than when it was said the first time)

[Reply #65 on:]

Zoidberg: "Alright, anteater number one. Who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me! I need a name!"
Anteater 1: *growl*
Zoidberg: "What? How do you spell that?"
Hermes: "What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso!"
Zoidberg: "Hermes, quiet! I'm deducing things."

Leela: "It's amazing that your people can fall in love so fast."
Zoidberg: "Love? That word is unknown here. I'm simply looking for a female swollen with eggs to accept my genetic material."
Fry: "You and me both, brother."


Fry: "Ok, you're on a date. What's the first thing you do?"
Zoidberg: "Ask her to mate with me."
Fry: "No. Tell her she's special."
Zoidberg: "But she's not. She's merely the female with the largest clutch of eggs."
Fry: "Well, tell her that. And then?"
Zoidberg: "Then mating!"
Fry: "No... Make up some feelings and tell her you have them." *pause* "Yes?"
Zoidberg: "Is desire to mate a feeling?"
Fry: "Ugh, you're not even trying!"
Zoidberg: "It's all so complicated with the flowers and the romance and the lies upon lies!"
Fry: "Ok, ok, don't worry. The lovemeister will take you under his wing."
Zoidberg: "What? Now there's a bird involved?"

[Reply #66 on:]

From Fry and the Slurm Factory

Zoidberg-Don't worry, I'm an expert in robits.

Fry-I'm not a robot

Zoidberg-All this time I thought you were!

Fry-No I'm human

Zoidberg- Ok ok, I didn't ask for your life story.

[Reply #67 on:]

"zoidberg" i just love the tone hew uses when saying it

[Reply #68 on:]

"Help! A guinea pig tricked me!" - AOI 1

[Reply #69 on:]

"What?!?! Do I smell or something? *sniffs* Ohh..."

"Now Zoidberg's the popular one!"

"No world, you put your hands up!"

Fry : "If only there were some way I could make it up to her"
Zoidberg : "it's simple, just get down on your claws and do the apology dance"
*does crazy scuttling dancing*

[Reply #70 on:]

 

Originally posted by QueenOfRobonia:
Zoidberg : "it's simple, just get down on your claws and do the apology dance"
*does crazy scuttling dancing*

Ok so its left right right left?

[Reply #71 on:]

'You're student loans have been repayed? Then how about lending your old pal Zoidberg a few bucks, Mr Millionaire.'

'Stop! Stop! I admit it! My people ate them all! We kept saying "One more can't hurt" and then they were gone, we're sorry!'

'The President is gagging on my gas bladder! What an honour!'
 

[Reply #72 on:]

 

Originally posted by Blue Zoidberg:
Zoidberg: Judging by it's scales and long tongue, i'd say it's a horse.

Does anyone know where this quote is from?

Also:
Bender: I busted my ass here and i don't see anyone kissin' it!
Zoidberg: Alright i'm coming!

+
Zoidberg: Freedom, freedom, freedom hoy!

[Reply #73 on:]

Leela: "Zoidberg! What are you doing here!"
Zoidberg: "Making a cameo!"

[Reply #74 on:]

Zoidberg: Now who's a tough guy, Vinnie? (Eats hermit crab)

Zoidberg: Forgive me, my friend!
Bender: (Angry) Never!!!

[Reply #75 on:]

Zoidberg is so funny there are to many funnt qutoes. But some of may fav are

"Why did i have to take a cab"

Professor: "For you see, I am dying. Cough, then fall over dead."
Zoidberg: "My God, he's dead!"
*professor checks pulse*

Zoidberg: "Be careful with that Adelai Leela, he's a doctor, they're very poor."
Leela: "Acctully most doctors are rich."
Zoidberg: "WHAT! When did this happen? You're joking, right?! Thats Not Funny!!"

But they are all to funny?

[Reply #76 on:]

Zoidberg (voiceover): As the candy hearts poured into the firey quasar a wonderous thing happened, why not? They vaporized into a mystical love radiation that spread across the universe destroying many, many planets, including two gangster planets and a cowboy world. But one planet was at exactly the right distance to see the romantic rays, but not be destroyed by them:Earth. So all over the world couples stood together in joy. And me, Zoidberg! And no one could have been happier unless it would have been Valentines Day. What? It was? Hooray!

[Reply #77 on:]

Leela: The abilty to command the loayltiy of sea creatures?
Fry: Hey Zoidberg get in here!
Zoidberg: Screw You!
From Less than Hero! One of my favourte eps.

[Reply #78 on:]

 

Originally posted by EvilLunch:
Um.. Um..
I'll take eight!
woopwoopwoopwoopwoopwoopwoopw oop...

I've never understood why Zoidberg makes that strange, but hilarious noise.   

"The female Leela's problem is purely medical. Soon she will drop her eggs and they will hatch and all will be well."

[Reply #79 on:]

Zoidberg: "Fry, is it love when you care about a female for reasons beyond mating?"
Fry: "Nope, must be some weird, alien emotion."
-Why Must I Be A Crustacean In Love?

Zoidberg: "So, what do I do now, friends?"
(Silence)
Zoidberg: "Hello? friends?......friends??"
-Futurama The Game