Favourite Professor Farnsworth Quotes

[#80 :]

I don't remember much buddy, and you're no looker!
Ah to be young again. And also a robot.
Leela: Professor, isn't it time for your nap?
Prof.: Yes, dammit!
I don't have time for this! I have to buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it, making everyone behind me wait in line
Go to Hell Heather!
Driver: Get your wrinkly old ass off the road grampa!
Prof.: ............................. .shut up

I know the quotes aren't verbatim

[#81 :]

"You, a woman?  We're hunting a hideous monster, not trying to find the quickest route to the mall!" - TMLH.

[#82 :]

Fry: "Wait a second. I know that monkey! His name is 'Donkey'."
Professor: "Monkeys aren't donkeys. Quit messing with my head!"

[#83 :]

Weeeerrrrnnnnnsssstttrrrooooo oom!
A running joke that could have used more airtime.

Though, of course, there are better quotes, I just thought I'd mention it.

[#84 :]

"PROFESSOR!!!  LAVA!!! HOT!!!!"

"Oh sure, break the SMART guy's machine"

and from "Less Than Hero"

The Zookeeper: "Hello, superheroes.  Do you remember me?"

Farnsworth: "I don't remember much, buddy, and you're no looker."

Leela:"Uh, professor...isn't it time for your nap yet?"

Farnsworth: "Yes, dammit!!"

(slumps and starts snoring)

[#85 :]

"You'll be making a delivery to Stumbos 4, a planet with such high gravity you'll most likely be -crushed- under the weight of your own hair, een-joy!"

[#86 :]

i think your all forgetting him kicking up a fuss at the beginning of The Birdbot Of Ice-Catraz
Farnsworth- the tanker has 6000 hulls, so unlike me, its entirely leak-proof, *points to the holo-map thingy* so you'll have to haul the taker past these protesters
Leela- Protesters?
Farnsworth- correct, 6000 hulls

sorry, i love that joke, i think my favourite is when he goes of on his madness that runs in the family speech, it's been quoted earlier

leela- do you know what might be a hoot?
Farnsworth- No, why would i know that.

[#87 :]

My three favorite lines are:

"Give me back my floppy face!    "-Teenage Mutant Leela's Hurdles

A Clone Of My Own-Birthday...
"And you Coach Smolly, or should I say, 'Coach Hairpiece!'" 

And finally...

Professor: Hello, Mavis! Surprised to see me back again so soon?

Wanda: Mavis is dead!

Professor: I expect you'll want to see my 'Angry Crotchety Grampa Discount Card.'

Wanda: Sir, this card is expired

Professor: But it's good for a life time.

Wanda: Well, your's expired   

But don't forget the facial expression he makes when Heather says, "Since this is such a serious case of old..." That just left me rolling on the floor howling for hours!!!
 

[#88 :]

Teddy Bear junction, the worst scumhole in the galaxy.

[#89 :]

"So, can we have some money?"-Bender
"Oh my no."-professor

Its hilarious the way he says it!

[#90 :]

"Professor... Lava... Hot!"

[#91 :]

"The Professy will help. *his arms catches on fie* Oh! Fire indeed hot!"

"I had a few beers but I'm cool to drive."

[#92 :]

"I really should do something... but I am already in my pyjamas."
It's not just a classic- it's a good motto.

[#93 :]

No matter how many times I see this one, I always cry.....tears of laughter.

Leela: It's all my fault! He died because of me!
Farnsworth: (quietly) No no no. No! No no no. (to Bender, out loud) I'm lying to make her feel better!

Man, good times.

[#94 :]

Mine is 'good news everyone'.

[#95 :]

Not my favorite, but I'd just be repeating what everyone else has already if I did say those 

 

Fry: Man, first class seems nice!

Farnsworth: It'll seem even nicer once you've seen your room!

A Flight to Remember

[#96 :]

'You, a woman!'
'Ive just told you, youve killed me'
'Oh my yes'
'Enjoy!'

[#97 :]

Tale of 2 Santas-

"I only have a few years to live, i don't want to spend them dead!"

and my favourite from Mother's Day-

"if cop a feel i must... then cop a feel i shall!"

[#98 :]

I love all the professor's lines really.

Leela: Professor! Don't you remember what I told you?

Farnsworth: NO!

Farnsworth: Of corse he still exists. As a flying corpse in outer space *chuckles than pauses* Oh...I made myself sad.

Farnsworth: Particularlly you Leela. *Leela slaps him*.

Farnsworth: You fat as the queen of seacows.

Farnsworth: *something* freaky deaky.

I use that word all the time "freaky deaky". Lots of my words are from Futurama.

Farnsowrth: Oh I've been down that rode Bender. I know it's fun and the parties are great but it's bad.

Something like that.

Farnsworth: This makes me the oldest member of my family *cries*.

What makes me laugh is how he cries, not the line.

Farnsworth: Insidentally, you have a dime up your nose.

Farnsworth: I as spry and free as ever. *Jumps up and his ankle cracks* See, I only broke one ankle.

Farnsworth 1: Oh getting the brain out was the easy part, the hard part was getting the brain out.

Farnsworth 1: *something again* about my handsom friend here.

Farnsworth: Oh go on.

Farnsworth: *The building is shaking* Zeus, God somebody help me!...Satin, you owe me!

Farnsworth: Poodle spit!

Farnsworth: Dibbbling poop.

Farnsworth: I'm sure Bender has just made a humerous remark. But he doesn't know that I recorded over his Soap Opera to film this.

Fry: I know that monkey, his name is donkey.

Farnsowrth: Monekys aren't donkeys! Stop messing with my head!

From the video game:

Farnsworth: I gave you a gun! What do you want a flowered dress?

Farnsworth: I'm transmitting into your internal radio, hello. *Waves to the microphone*.

I love how he says "hello".

Farnsowrth: Plus, you three never actually charged anyone!

Fry: Yeah sorry about that.

Leela: Sorry.

Bender: Aw this bends.
 
This isn't Farnsowrth but I love this.

Bender: Has anyone ever noticed, how Fry always seems to turn on the TV at just the right moment?

I'll stop there.

[#99 :]

Oohwee!! We're online!!
Sweet Zombie Jesus!!
Bonk! Bonk I say!! (Or something like that)

[#100 :]

jeez i cant think of anything to reply back to these with i mean all the quotes are soo good. the one i was gunna use has been put up already though

Fry: I can't swallow that

Professor: Good news its a subosatory


and yes i know i spelled it wrong lol

[#101 :]

Suppository. Please learn to spell. We depend upon the correct use of the English Language here in order to hold any respect for you.

[#102 :]

I demand the floor!
Gore: yes, It's your turn.
well nuts to me!

Ahh!  My thong!

[#103 :]

Leela: "Are You Saying ..... I'm Going Crazy?

Farnsworth: "No no, no ones saying that! But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

----------------------------------
A billion robot lives are about to be extinguished! Oh, The jedis are gonna feel this one!

----------------------------------

Farnsworth: "You see, that fossil was made of dolomite, the tough black mineral that wont cop out when there's heat all around. By contrast, observe the lava's effect on this ice swan. Of course, that would have melted at room temperature; I just wanted to get rid of it. But had it been made of that righteous mineral dolomite, theres a slim chance it may have survived."

Fry: "So Seymour might still exist?"

Farnsworth: "Perhaps for a few minutes. It's Dolomite Baby!"

------------------------------------
"You young turks think you know everything! I was inventing things when you were barely turning senile."

[#104 :]

 

Originally posted by JDB:
Bonk! Bonk I say!! (Or something like that)

You got your vowels wrong.  It's "bunk".

[#105 :]

Bunk you say?

[#106 :]

'speak for yourself' after human bender kissed him in "Anthology of Intererst II"

[#107 :]

I forgot these.
the devil take this pradictable colan!

you can't oun property, man!
I can, but that's because I'm not a pennyless hippy!

[#108 :]

i like:
Anywho

I have to buy a single piece of fruit with a cupon and then return it making people wait behind me while i complain!

You? A women? We're hunting a monster not finding the quickest route ot the mall!

Leela:Ill remind the way only a women can!
Prof:You going to do his laundry?

and many many more 

[#109 :]

Professor: This is Chapek 9, a lovely little doomed planet with lots of doomed little animals. Chapek 9 was used as a mining planet and is completely hollowed out.
Leela: What will happen to all the animals?
Professor: The wha?
Leela: The animals.
Professor: I said nothing about animals. Now CHapek 9 will implode shortly.. Incidentally, this will kill all the animals.

Professor: I made a death clock last year?
Wormsworth: Yes, and it was rather pathetic.
Professor: Oh my, did it put you young whippernspappers in your place?
Wormsworth: Hardly. We laughed until our teeth fell out. [leaves]
Professor: Oh no, I need to create an entirely new invention in 5 minutes... Perhaps some sort of death clock!

Not 100% accurate, sorry! I'm new, and I only own season one.. The sad thing is, I only know most quotes from "Fear Of A Bot Planet" -- Bec.

[#110 :]

Best one by far. In The Problem with Popplers, he talks to the 100s of hippies outside saying

"Unless this is a nude love-in,get the hell out (of his property)"

[#111 :]

Sweet.. NOBODY said my favorite lines:

"Good News Everyone, A few years back I tried loggin onto AOL.... and it just went through!"

I'm not sure how accurate this one is but:

"They all say that I'm robbing the cradle a little bit, but I say she's robbing the grave."

[#112 :]

This whole sequence from The Sting has to be my favorite Farnsworth quote.

Farnsworth: Bad news everyone. You're not good enough to go on your next mission.

Fry: Hooray!

Bender: Not good enough!

[They high-five. Leela descends from above in a harness.]

Leela: Why? Says who?

Farnsworth: Because. And says me. It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew. And you're not nearly as good as them.

Fry: Woohoo!

Bender: We live to suck another day!

[They both do a happy dance. Leela disconnects Bender from the game.]

Leela: We're just as good as any of those crews you sent to their deaths. What's the mission?

Farnsworth: Collecting honey. Ordinary honey.

Leela: That doesn't sound so dangerous.

Farnsworth: This is no ordinary honey. It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neuro-toxin can cause instant death!

Hermes: And that's if you're not allergic! You don't wanna know what happens then, oh no no, God no!

Farnsworth: Your insides will boil out of your eye sockets like a science fair volcano!

Hermes: I didn't want to know1

[He bursts into tears.]

Farnsworth: These bees are larger than most Buicks and twice as ugly!

[#113 :]

Now listen to me you pompous frauds! If I'm going down I'm taking you all with me!!!

***
Ooh thats good news! You really don't cook enough roast Leela.

Ohh...Women!

***
Oh lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper and then the terrible tragedy of his death!!! 

***
Hmm...I have to invent something in the next ten minutes. Perhaps some sort of Death Clock! 

***
BUNK!!! BUNK I SAY! Bring me a sample of bigfoot's droppings or shut up!   

I have the droppings of someone who saw bigfoot!

Shut up!   

***
Who are those disgusting creatures?

Those are the grunka lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory.

Tell them I hate them! 

***
Bring it on Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us as long as we're not stupid enough to leave this building! 

In a related matter, You'll be delivering this sack of children's letters directly to Santa at his death fortress on Neptune! 

[#114 :]

"Though I am still in my pyjamas"
- Space Pilot 3000

[#115 :]

I've tried to find a few lines to add here that haven't been said before (I don't think) so:

Proffessor: The rules are simple. Two robots enter, only one robot leaves. Then the other robot leaves after being declared the winner.
Bender: That doesn't sound so bad.
Proffessor: Did I mention the crippling agonising pain? I'm pretty sure I did--mm, yes, definately.
Bender: Crippling pain?! That's not covered by my insurance fraud!


Proffessor: Are your intentions pure-
Adelai: -Of course!
Proffessor: No, you didn't let me finish; are your intentions pure evil, to build a race of atomic supermonsters? Cause mine are...
(^deleted scene^)

[#116 :]

*Bender comes down Chimney*

Bender: Ho ho...
*Professor Shoots Bender With Shotgun*

Leela: Professor! Don't you remember what I told you?!

Prof: NOOOOO! *shoots again*

 

[#117 :]

Leela: This ship does 98% the speed of sound!  Why are we going 35 miles an hour?

Hubert:  Because we're in a hurry, that's why!

[#118 :]

Professor: "Let me show you around. That's my lab table and this is my work stool and over there is my intergalactic space ship. And here is where i keep assorted lengths of wire."
Fry: "Wow, a real live space ship!"
Professor: "I designed it myself. Let me show some of the different lengths of wire I used."

[#119 :]

"you're Grandmother can go to hell!"
- The Farnsworth Parabox