strangest professor line?

[:]

i think i have finally figured out the truly strangest professor line ever (especially when taken totally out of context)
"Perhaps I'll invent some sort of albino shouting gorilla..."

if thats out of context i think it wins hands down as the strangest, but if its in context... i think it still wins
 

[#1 :]

I forget how it starts, but Professor rants about making an Atomic super-monster, with freeway on-ramps for arms, and a heart as black as coal! Huhwheeee!

[#2 :]

Um, wasn't the albino shouting gorilla supposed to be his own special way of announcing his love for MOM....
"Farnsworth: I love you, Mom. Let's grow ancient together.

Amy: Way to go, Professor. The plan worked.

Mom: Plan? What plan? I thought this was a spontaneous whirlwind of hot, dry sex.

Farnsworth: Look, it started out as a calculated plot to rummage through your underwear. But once I got in there, I found more -- much more. And now I want to shout our love from the rooftops. Perhaps I'll breed some sort of albino shouting gorilla.

Mom: (shouting) Get out of my house, you lying scum pile. I never want to see you again.

Farnsworth: But, dust cakes-- "

And that second one, was the professor's verbal attempt to create a replacement for Bender while he was working at Elzar's to repay the debt from their meal after Elzar blinded Leela (From Bender gets made)

oh and another strange line from the Professor: Being captain is about intuition and heart. A good captain can’t have either one. That’s why cold, logical Bender
is perfect for the job.

[#3 :]

Farnsworth 1: "Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it."

Farnsworth A: "Nonsense! I would never do such a thing unless you were already having been going to do that!"

Farnsworth 1: "Wha?"

Farnsworth A: "You heard me!"

[#4 :]

Farnsworth 1: "Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it."

Farnsworth A: "Nonsense! I would never do such a thing unless you were already having been going to do that!"

Farnsworth 1: "Wha?"

Farnsworth A: "You heard me!"

From the same episode

Farnsworth 1: The easy part was getting the brain out, but The hard part was getting the brain out

[#5 :]

All from BwaBB
*getting crushed in deathball* 'Diamondillium it is!'

'Anyway, we're all going to die.'

Farnsworth: Now I've often said "Good news" when sending you on a mission of extreme danger. So when I say this anomaly is dangerous, you can imagine how dangerous I think this anomaly is.
Hermes: Not dangerous at all?
Farnsworth: Actually, quite dangerous indeed!
Hermes: That is dangerous!
Farnsworth: Indeed!

[#6 :]

Farnsworth: Remarkable! According the high-precision digital chronograph it's July 9th, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into this pin-up calendar.

Bender: Wait a second. You mean we travelled through time?

Farnsworth: Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave--

Fry: Yo!

Farnsworth: And the microwave radiation, combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself.

Farnsworth: Yes, we tore the universe a new space-hole alright! But it's clenching shut fast. Our only hope to get back to our own time is to go through it in, oh, say ... [He looks at his watch.] ... exactly 24 hours.

Fry: Hey, and while we're on the base, I'll visit my grandfather, Enos. He was stationed at Roswell.

Farnsworth: Your grandfather? [He leaps up.] Stay away from him, you dim-witted monkey. You mustn't interfere with the past. Don't do anything that affects anything, unless it turns out you were supposed to do it. In which case, for the love of God, don't not do it!

[#7 :]

Leela: Ow fire hot.

Proffesor: The proffesy will help.
(Puts hand in fire)
Proffesor: Ahahahahahaha

[#8 :]

Fire indeed hot!

[#9 :]

i liked "dirt doesn't need luck"

[#10 :]

Professor Proffessor, Lava, Hot!

[#11 :]

"Teddybear Junction! The worst scum hole in the galaxy!"

[#12 :]

"Let this abomination unto the lord begin!"

"Satan! You owe me!"

[#13 :]

"Let this abomination unto the lord begin!"

"Satan! You owe me!"

Oddly enough, I'd go for either of these, though I lean more towards the second.

[#14 :]

"We're trapped, my sweet Hippopotamus"

[#15 :]

Professor isn't it time fpr your nap?

YES DAMMIT!  *snores*

[#16 :]

"Good News Everyone!  It's Hemmorhoids!"

[#17 :]

"Good News Everyone!  It's Hemmorhoids!"

When was that said?

[#18 :]

"Great Godzilla's Gonads"

[#19 :]

"Well then, good news! It's a suppository."

[#20 :]

I forget how it starts, but Professor rants about making an Atomic super-monster, with freeway on-ramps for arms, and a heart as black as coal! Huhwheeee!

Farnsworth: Better yet, I'll build someone to fill in for you. [He gets up and heads for the door.] Some kind of gamma-powered mechanical monster, with freeway on-ramps for arms and a heart as black as coal...

Farnsworth: Uh, wha? Oh, yes! They say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad! And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters. Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of...

[#21 :]

I forget how it starts, but Professor rants about making an Atomic super-monster, with freeway on-ramps for arms, and a heart as black as coal! Huhwheeee!

Farnsworth: Better yet, I'll build someone to fill in for you. [He gets up and heads for the door.] Some kind of gamma-powered mechanical monster, with freeway on-ramps for arms and a heart as black as coal...

Farnsworth: Uh, wha? Oh, yes! They say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad! And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters. Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of...

This.

[#22 :]

i don't know if this is right but i'll give it a shot

professor everyone was in favor of taking out adolf hitlers brain but when you put it in a great white shark suddenly you've gone too far.

[#23 :]

"Good news, everyone. Report to my bedroom for a private exhibition."

[#24 :]

I'm partial to assorted lengths of wire.

[#25 :]

(Whispers) "If something goes wrong, bring back the blood"

[#26 :]

"Goodbye, cruel lamp!"

and

"Will said skills pay the bills?"

[#27 :]

"It's dolomite, baby!"

[#28 :]

"Dirt doesn't need luck." is one of my favorite single lines in the entire show.  I want to know the story behind that nugget of knowledge.

[#29 :]

As pointed pointed out in the commentary "No fair you changed the outcome by measuring it" is probably the only uncertainty principle joke ever made in a T.V. show so I'm gonna go with that.

[#30 :]

Almost everything he says in Teenage Mutant Leela's Hurdles is sheer brilliance now that I think of it.

"Oh, I don't have time for this. I've got to go buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain."

"Fifty-three years old? Ohhh, now I'll need a fake ID to rent ultraporn..."

"Yes, I'd like to...MEET this Moose."

"I had a few beers, but I'm cool to drive."

[#31 :]

Almost everything he says in Teenage Mutant Leela's Hurdles is sheer brilliance

Fixed.

"Dirt doesn't need luck." is one of my favorite single lines in the entire show.

Damn; what episode is that from again?

[#32 :]

Luck of the Fryish.

[#33 :]

Merci.   Figured it might be, but yeah.  I really am due to watch some of the eps again.

Also, off the top of my head, "Perhaps some sort of death clock."

..The quantum finish line truly is gold though.

[#34 :]

Almost everything he says in Teenage Mutant Leela's Hurdles is sheer brilliance

Fixed.

Thank you for the correction. How right you are...

"That steamed carrot was a bit spicy for me."

[#35 :]

from into the wild green yonder:

"...and the sales of tickle me bender have been terrible!"

it's strange because why the hell wouldn't everyone in the universe buy at least one tickle me bender?

[#36 :]

here is where i keep all my assorted lengths of wire

let me show you all the different lengths of wire i used

[#37 :]

Professor : Do I hear wedding bells?

Fry : Wat? NO!

Professor : Really? Oh dear...

[#38 :]

Leela: "But what happened to your old crew?"

Professor: "Oh those poor sons of bi..er...but that's not important now..."

[#39 :]

i don't know if this is right but i'll give it a shot

professor everyone was in favor of taking out adolf hitlers brain but when you put it in a great white shark suddenly you've gone too far.

yepp that qualifies for the thread and is great in itself