Favorite Zapp quotes

[Reply #120 on:]

Zapp: "Here's to us poor schmoes, working for the man. Although she is a hot, sexy female man."

[Reply #121 on:]

"Oh god, I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman."

[Reply #122 on:]

"Lutenient (SP) Some things fell off me and clogged the drain, and i was wondering if you.."

Welcome to a whole new season of Zapp quotes!

[Reply #123 on:]

"I am the Man With No Name...................Zapp Brannigan"

"Take them to the Laundry-Brig"

Classics!!!

[Reply #124 on:]

Leela: You want help, go to Wingus and Dingus here.
Zap: (totally serious) Wingus, Dingus... we've got a job to do.

Not an exact quote, but I think I stayed true to the spirit.

[Reply #125 on:]

Zapp: "I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif. Suggestions?"
Kif: "I fail to see any problem, sir. You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81."
Zapp: "You mean Brannigan's Law?"
Kif: "Right, that law."
Zapp: "Which one?"
Kif: "Brannigan's Law."

[Reply #126 on:]

"And the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards... checkmate."

[Reply #127 on:]

"Just a down and out hobo, who's hit rock bottom, and his commanding officer."

"Taste like king crab, by the way.  Crazy bugs actually wove this tapestry of my triumphant conquest while I was still killing them."

"So I boarded you, aye?  What happened next?"

"Kif, prepare to take the blme.  Steady...steady."

"Just FYI, I can be used for snu-snu."

"She's built like a stakehouse, but she handles like a bistro!"

The defining line for Zapp brannagan:

"EROTIC."

[Reply #128 on:]

What!
"EROTIC!... EROTIC! EROTIC! EROTIC!
And of course: "...champaggen"
This is the thread that validates the other one's title. Hope it will be carried on in this one.

[Reply #129 on:]

 

Originally posted by Zed 85:

Femputer - "You are sentanced to Death! By Snu Snu!!"
Kiff - "*wimper*"
Zapp - "What are you, Gay!?!

Oh, yeah. That's the best Zapp moment.  All of AWITM was funny. And when the Amazonians show them the skeletons with the broken pelvises, Fry and Zapp's expressions are priceless! A great Zapp moment, and he didn't say a word.   

[Reply #130 on:]

Hahah I love all these quotes, such classics, he truly is amazing.  I'm confused tho - i only have series 1-3, and i know all the quotes listed here, aren't there any good ones from series 4????

[Reply #131 on:]

I don't think there's much Zapp in the Season 4 episodes.
Not exact wording:
Bender: We'll follow you to the end of the universe!
Fry: One hundred and ten percent!
Zapp: That's not nearly loyal enough. I order you to sit around and drink beer until you're as loyal as Kif here.
Kif: May I have a beer, Sir?
Zapp: No. You're already loyal enough.

[Reply #132 on:]

i dont really know much because i havent seen many episodes from season 3,and 4 i guess you could say there was a season 5 as well, but some of my faves are:

- " i am almost positivly 99.9% not guilty"
 
- " oh i wont stop you ,youll get halfway to the planet and suddenly youll come crawling back for more. curtisy of the zapper"

- "im sorry leela but i suffer from a sexual disease, whats it called again kiff , ( kiff groans) sex-lexia"

- " leela who is that your talking to" " just a broken down ho-bo whos hit rock bottom, and his commanding officer"

- " perhaps i could be of use,maybe i could sort files, or service you sexually"

[Reply #133 on:]

leela: you know zapp at first i thought you were a big pompous bufoon, but then i realised inside that bufoon was a pitiful child, but ourside that child was a big pompous bufoon (or summat to that effect)
Zapp: and which one rocked your world.

also

Zapp: kif
(kif walks on)
kif: yes, uh jeez, yes captain?
Zap: ive made it with a woman, inform the men

[Reply #134 on:]

rock crushes scissors, but paper covers rock, and scissors cuts paper. kif, we have a conundrum

[Reply #135 on:]

zapp: "you understand the charges?"
kif:"one beep for yes, two beeps for no"
fry: *beep* *beep*
zapp: "double yes, guilty!"

"you want the rest of the champegn?"

[Reply #136 on:]

Zapp: I didn't realize you were bringing your girlfriend, Lieutenant. (Starts laughing)
Kif: *sighs* She won't leave me alone.
Zapp: Did I say girlfriend? She sounds more like a wife. (Silence)

Singing Wind: Fecchk! I am Singing Wind, chief of the Martian tribe.
Zapp: Take me to your leader.
Singing Wind: (Stares) Moving along..

[Reply #137 on:]

Zapp: "Bray-vo. Encore."

Zapp: "Allright, Kif. Let's show these freaks what a bloated, run-away military budget can do!"

Zapp: "The enemy approaches. Lieutenant, fire missile 1 and recommend me for another medal. Make it gaudy, I'm going clubbing later."
(Kif press a button nothing happens, he press it repeatedly, same result)
Zapp: "Tick-tack!"
Kif: "Sir, all planetary defenses have been disabled. Perhaps the Decapodians acquired our secret code (sarcastic) somehow."
Zapp: "Well, Kif, stand by to take the blame ... steady ... steady ....... NOW!"

[Reply #138 on:]

 

Originally posted by bish:
leela: you know zapp at first i thought you were a big pompous bufoon, but then i realised inside that bufoon was a pitiful child, but ourside that child was a big pompous bufoon (or summat to that effect)
Zapp: and which one rocked your world.

Second.

[Reply #139 on:]

Zapp: I'd like to make one final statement.(To Kif) Kif, come up here and hold up the flag. And wave it a little, for god's sakes. (To everyone, music starts playing) My friends, you can take away a mans title and his uniform, but you can never take away his integrity or his honour. (Music ends) Plus it was mostly Kifs fault!

Zapp: One day a man has everything. The next day he blows up a four hundred billion dollar spacestation. And the next day he has nothing. It makes you think.
Kif: No it doesn't.

[Reply #140 on:]

yay bushmeister agrees with me!!!

also

kif: sir, we have an emergency
Zapp:come back when its a catastrophe
*BANG*
Zapp : oh all right


or summat to that effect

[Reply #141 on:]

Zapp: The key to victory is the element of surprise ,  SURPRISE!

there is to many to list, zapp quotes rock (even down the pub!)

[Reply #142 on:]

Zapp:We morn the tragic loss of the omiconian young (munch,munch,munch,stuff) we share your pain... these would go grreat with gucamo
Lrr:STOP EATTING OUT YOUNG! AND ITS PRONOUNSED GUCAMOLI!

Not quite a quote

[Reply #143 on:]

"Oh god, you're killing me. Oh God! You're killing me!"

[Reply #144 on:]

The 'you win again gravity' line has gotta be the best. Then again, they are all good...

[Reply #145 on:]

Zapp:  leela doesn't happen to administer any kind of bare bottom spanking does she?

Fry:  no

Zapp:   i was just wondering because i wouldn't want my comrades harmed. but if she did let me go in ur place

Zapp:  a little tighter , tighter, tighter, perhaps a hard spanking is in order
(amazonian woman hits him)
Zapp:  TOO HARD!!!!!!


Zapp:  remeber kif the quickest way to a women's bed is through her parents, sleep with them and your in.
Kif: ill try sir, im just a little nervous about meeting her family
Zapp: thats natural,afterall your meek and uninteresting, until now you've gotten by on my left over charisma, scrounging off it like a tiny charisma parasite.
Kif: i just hope they like me
Zapp: and why wouldn't they,yes yes i know, tiny meek uninteresting, spare me your tedious life story kif. but above all have fun.


EDIT: now a proud bending unit

[Reply #146 on:]

Mine is from Zapps Pick up line book "I find them most erotic part of the woman is the boobies!"

[Reply #147 on:]

"lower...mm..lower....lower... TOO LOW!...mm..lower"-War is the H-Word
Bender-"name?"
Zapp-"Smith..uhh..Zapp Smith...Brannigan"

[Reply #148 on:]

Zapp: ah, so crawling back to the zapper like a bird on its belly, deliscious.

Zapp: please, you give me too little credit

[Reply #149 on:]

 

Originally posted by JRay:
"And the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards... checkmate."

That line had me laughing by the word "cards," and the addition of "checkmate" was a stroke of pure genius. I have been dying to slip that into everyday conversation ever since I heard it. Also, his other masterpice involving games of strategy: "In the game of chess you can never allow your opponent to see your pieces."

I think I'm just a chess fan... 

[Reply #150 on:]

Im sorry but the best Zapper quote HAS to be:

"I am the man with no name...... Zapp Brannigan!"

also:

"The best way to a womans Bed is through her parents- sleep with them and you're in!"

had to laugh at that one, even non peelers get that one lol

[Reply #151 on:]

'That young man fills me with hope, and other emotions that are strange and confusing'

'I could paint a fence, mop the floor, sevice you sexually'

Zapp: 'Captains Log Star Date.... Ah'
Kif: ' April 13th'
Zapp 'Star Date April 13th.2

[Reply #152 on:]

Face it, just about every line Zapp said in the entire series was pure comedy gold, and I think this thread has proved it.

[Reply #153 on:]

 

- "im sorry leela but i suffer from a sexual disease, whats it called again kiff , ( kiff groans) sex-lexia"

<scruffy>Second.</scruffy>

[Reply #154 on:]

Zapp:  remeber kif the quickest way to a women's bed is through her parents, sleep with them and your in.
Kif: ill try sir, im just a little nervous about meeting her family
Zapp: thats natural,afterall your meek and uninteresting, until now you've gotten by on my left over charisma, scrounging off it like a tiny charisma parasite.
Kif: i just hope they like me
Zapp: and why wouldn't they,yes yes i know, tiny meek uninteresting, spare me your tedious life story kif. but above all have fun.


ive said it once but this altogether is the best zapp qoute ever, one of the few things that has ever made me cry with laughter

[Reply #155 on:]

I can't remember the exact line, but one of my favorites has to be the whole run about Rock, Paper, Scissors in "Brannigan Begin Again". I also like this one from "War is the H-Word":

Zapp: I think you should know that I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. Kif, what do I call it?

Kif: (sighs) 'Sexlexia'

Most of Zapp's lines are funny simply because of the way Billy West plays him.

[Reply #156 on:]

 

Originally posted by Gorky:
I can't remember the exact line, but one of my favorites has to be the whole run about Rock, Paper, Scissors in "Brannigan Begin Again".

I don't remember the exact wording either, but it's someything like:

 

Zapp: Leela, you forgot one thing.  Rock crushes scissors.  But paper covers rock... and scissors cut paper!  Kif, we have a conundrum!  Bring me a rock... and search them for paper.

[Reply #157 on:]

Thanks boingo 2000. That sounds about right. Also, most of Zapp's lines from "Brannigan Begin Again" were funny. I also enjoyed his line "What are you, gay?!" to Kif in "Amazon Women in the Mood".

[Reply #158 on:]

Zapp: Have the boy lay out my formal shorts.
Kif: The boy sir?
Zapp: You, Kif. You lay out my formal shorts.

"Formal shorts" is part of my everyday vocabulary at the moment for some reason.

[Reply #159 on:]

Basically the above quote. The emphasis on You lay out my formal shorts is fantastic.