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: Favorite Zapp quotes  (Read 20757 times)
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Teral

Helpy McHelphelp
DOOP Secretary
*
« #120 : 01-23-2003 16:23 »

Zapp: "Here's to us poor schmoes, working for the man. Although she is a hot, sexy female man."
Spice Weasel

Liquid Emperor
**
« #121 : 01-23-2003 19:30 »

"Oh god, I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman."
masTers

Delivery Boy
**
« #122 : 04-03-2003 19:24 »

"Lutenient (SP) Some things fell off me and clogged the drain, and i was wondering if you.."

Welcome to a whole new season of Zapp quotes!
ElGordo

Poppler
*
« #123 : 07-29-2003 08:21 »

"I am the Man With No Name...................Zapp Brannigan"

"Take them to the Laundry-Brig"

Classics!!!
boingo2000

Liquid Emperor
**
« #124 : 07-29-2003 08:45 »

Leela: You want help, go to Wingus and Dingus here.
Zap: (totally serious) Wingus, Dingus... we've got a job to do.

Not an exact quote, but I think I stayed true to the spirit.
Bobby King

Liquid Emperor
**
« #125 : 07-29-2003 09:04 »

Zapp: "I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif. Suggestions?"
Kif: "I fail to see any problem, sir. You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81."
Zapp: "You mean Brannigan's Law?"
Kif: "Right, that law."
Zapp: "Which one?"
Kif: "Brannigan's Law."
JRay

Delivery Boy
**
« #126 : 07-29-2003 22:43 »

"And the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards... checkmate."
Pitt Clemens

Urban Legend
***
« #127 : 02-05-2004 13:31 »

"Just a down and out hobo, who's hit rock bottom, and his commanding officer."

"Taste like king crab, by the way.  Crazy bugs actually wove this tapestry of my triumphant conquest while I was still killing them."

"So I boarded you, aye?  What happened next?"

"Kif, prepare to take the blme.  Steady...steady."

"Just FYI, I can be used for snu-snu."

"She's built like a stakehouse, but she handles like a bistro!"

The defining line for Zapp brannagan:

"EROTIC."
Pikka Bird

Space Pope
****
« #128 : 02-05-2004 17:58 »
« : 02-05-2004 17:58 »

What!
"EROTIC!... EROTIC! EROTIC! EROTIC!
And of course: "...champaggen"
This is the thread that validates the other one's title. Hope it will be carried on in this one.
Y_L_B

Professor
*
« #129 : 02-05-2004 20:10 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Zed 85:

Femputer - "You are sentanced to Death! By Snu Snu!!"
Kiff - "*wimper*"
Zapp - "What are you, Gay!?!

Oh, yeah. That's the best Zapp moment.  :laff: All of AWITM was funny. And when the Amazonians show them the skeletons with the broken pelvises, Fry and Zapp's expressions are priceless! A great Zapp moment, and he didn't say a word.   :laff:
Smurfbabe

Delivery Boy
**
« #130 : 02-05-2004 20:18 »

Hahah I love all these quotes, such classics, he truly is amazing.  I'm confused tho - i only have series 1-3, and i know all the quotes listed here, aren't there any good ones from series 4????
M0le

Space Pope
****
« #131 : 02-06-2004 18:54 »

I don't think there's much Zapp in the Season 4 episodes.
Not exact wording:
Bender: We'll follow you to the end of the universe!
Fry: One hundred and ten percent!
Zapp: That's not nearly loyal enough. I order you to sit around and drink beer until you're as loyal as Kif here.
Kif: May I have a beer, Sir?
Zapp: No. You're already loyal enough.
theZoid88

Bending Unit
***
« #132 : 02-09-2004 19:54 »

i dont really know much because i havent seen many episodes from season 3,and 4 i guess you could say there was a season 5 as well, but some of my faves are:

- " i am almost positivly 99.9% not guilty"
 
- " oh i wont stop you ,youll get halfway to the planet and suddenly youll come crawling back for more. curtisy of the zapper"

- "im sorry leela but i suffer from a sexual disease, whats it called again kiff , ( kiff groans) sex-lexia"

- " leela who is that your talking to" " just a broken down ho-bo whos hit rock bottom, and his commanding officer"

- " perhaps i could be of use,maybe i could sort files, or service you sexually"
bish

Starship Captain
****
« #133 : 02-11-2004 14:04 »

leela: you know zapp at first i thought you were a big pompous bufoon, but then i realised inside that bufoon was a pitiful child, but ourside that child was a big pompous bufoon (or summat to that effect)
Zapp: and which one rocked your world.

also

Zapp: kif
(kif walks on)
kif: yes, uh jeez, yes captain?
Zap: ive made it with a woman, inform the men
bish

Starship Captain
****
« #134 : 02-11-2004 14:09 »

rock crushes scissors, but paper covers rock, and scissors cuts paper. kif, we have a conundrum
Atropine

Bending Unit
***
« #135 : 02-11-2004 15:04 »

zapp: "you understand the charges?"
kif:"one beep for yes, two beeps for no"
fry: *beep* *beep*
zapp: "double yes, guilty!"

"you want the rest of the champegn?"
M0le

Space Pope
****
« #136 : 02-13-2004 03:06 »

Zapp: I didn't realize you were bringing your girlfriend, Lieutenant. (Starts laughing)
Kif: *sighs* She won't leave me alone.
Zapp: Did I say girlfriend? She sounds more like a wife. (Silence)

Singing Wind: Fecchk! I am Singing Wind, chief of the Martian tribe.
Zapp: Take me to your leader.
Singing Wind: (Stares) Moving along..
Teral

Helpy McHelphelp
DOOP Secretary
*
« #137 : 02-13-2004 13:49 »

Zapp: "Bray-vo. Encore."

Zapp: "Allright, Kif. Let's show these freaks what a bloated, run-away military budget can do!"

Zapp: "The enemy approaches. Lieutenant, fire missile 1 and recommend me for another medal. Make it gaudy, I'm going clubbing later."
(Kif press a button nothing happens, he press it repeatedly, same result)
Zapp: "Tick-tack!"
Kif: "Sir, all planetary defenses have been disabled. Perhaps the Decapodians acquired our secret code (sarcastic) somehow."
Zapp: "Well, Kif, stand by to take the blame ... steady ... steady ....... NOW!"
Bushmeister

Professor
*
« #138 : 02-13-2004 14:28 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by bish:
leela: you know zapp at first i thought you were a big pompous bufoon, but then i realised inside that bufoon was a pitiful child, but ourside that child was a big pompous bufoon (or summat to that effect)
Zapp: and which one rocked your world.

Second.
M0le

Space Pope
****
« #139 : 02-16-2004 04:30 »

Zapp: I'd like to make one final statement.(To Kif) Kif, come up here and hold up the flag. And wave it a little, for god's sakes. (To everyone, music starts playing) My friends, you can take away a mans title and his uniform, but you can never take away his integrity or his honour. (Music ends) Plus it was mostly Kifs fault!

Zapp: One day a man has everything. The next day he blows up a four hundred billion dollar spacestation. And the next day he has nothing. It makes you think.
Kif: No it doesn't.
bish

Starship Captain
****
« #140 : 02-19-2004 04:25 »
« : 02-19-2004 04:25 »

yay bushmeister agrees with me!!!

also

kif: sir, we have an emergency
Zapp:come back when its a catastrophe
*BANG*
Zapp : oh all right


or summat to that effect
nerdlingus

Professor
*
« #141 : 02-25-2004 07:30 »

Zapp: The key to victory is the element of surprise ,  SURPRISE!

there is to many to list, zapp quotes rock (even down the pub!)
blorks89

Crustacean
*
« #142 : 02-25-2004 15:12 »

Zapp:We morn the tragic loss of the omiconian young (munch,munch,munch,stuff) we share your pain... these would go grreat with gucamo
Lrr:STOP EATTING OUT YOUNG! AND ITS PRONOUNSED GUCAMOLI!

Not quite a quote
Ekarderif

Bending Unit
***
« #143 : 02-26-2004 00:16 »

"Oh god, you're killing me. Oh God! You're killing me!"
El Scorcho

Bending Unit
***
« #144 : 02-26-2004 14:19 »

The 'you win again gravity' line has gotta be the best. Then again, they are all good...
bish

Starship Captain
****
« #145 : 02-27-2004 11:23 »
« : 02-27-2004 11:23 »

Zapp:  leela doesn't happen to administer any kind of bare bottom spanking does she?

Fry:  no

Zapp:   i was just wondering because i wouldn't want my comrades harmed. but if she did let me go in ur place

Zapp:  a little tighter , tighter, tighter, perhaps a hard spanking is in order
(amazonian woman hits him)
Zapp:  TOO HARD!!!!!!


Zapp:  remeber kif the quickest way to a women's bed is through her parents, sleep with them and your in.
Kif: ill try sir, im just a little nervous about meeting her family
Zapp: thats natural,afterall your meek and uninteresting, until now you've gotten by on my left over charisma, scrounging off it like a tiny charisma parasite.
Kif: i just hope they like me
Zapp: and why wouldn't they,yes yes i know, tiny meek uninteresting, spare me your tedious life story kif. but above all have fun.


EDIT: now a proud bending unit
Davey

Starship Captain
****
« #146 : 03-03-2004 11:13 »

Mine is from Zapps Pick up line book "I find them most erotic part of the woman is the boobies!"
Yinger36

Starship Captain
****
« #147 : 03-03-2004 13:41 »
« : 03-03-2004 13:41 »

"lower...mm..lower....lower... TOO LOW!...mm..lower"-War is the H-Word
Bender-"name?"
Zapp-"Smith..uhh..Zapp Smith...Brannigan"
bish

Starship Captain
****
« #148 : 03-04-2004 13:52 »

Zapp: ah, so crawling back to the zapper like a bird on its belly, deliscious.

Zapp: please, you give me too little credit
Hedonism Bot

Bending Unit
***
« #149 : 03-04-2004 16:04 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JRay:
"And the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards... checkmate."

That line had me laughing by the word "cards," and the addition of "checkmate" was a stroke of pure genius. I have been dying to slip that into everyday conversation ever since I heard it. Also, his other masterpice involving games of strategy: "In the game of chess you can never allow your opponent to see your pieces."

I think I'm just a chess fan...  :D
fat_boz

Crustacean
*
« #150 : 03-04-2004 16:40 »
« : 03-04-2004 16:40 »

Im sorry but the best Zapper quote HAS to be:

"I am the man with no name...... Zapp Brannigan!"

also:

"The best way to a womans Bed is through her parents- sleep with them and you're in!"

had to laugh at that one, even non peelers get that one lol
Coilette

Liquid Emperor
**
« #151 : 03-05-2004 14:40 »

'That young man fills me with hope, and other emotions that are strange and confusing'

'I could paint a fence, mop the floor, sevice you sexually'

Zapp: 'Captains Log Star Date.... Ah'
Kif: ' April 13th'
Zapp 'Star Date April 13th.2
Captain Bender

Crustacean
*
« #152 : 03-05-2004 15:08 »
« : 03-05-2004 15:08 »

Face it, just about every line Zapp said in the entire series was pure comedy gold, and I think this thread has proved it.
hypknowtoad

Delivery Boy
**
« #153 : 03-05-2004 15:29 »

 
Quote

- "im sorry leela but i suffer from a sexual disease, whats it called again kiff , ( kiff groans) sex-lexia"

<scruffy>Second.</scruffy>
bish

Starship Captain
****
« #154 : 03-06-2004 12:34 »


Zapp:  remeber kif the quickest way to a women's bed is through her parents, sleep with them and your in.
Kif: ill try sir, im just a little nervous about meeting her family
Zapp: thats natural,afterall your meek and uninteresting, until now you've gotten by on my left over charisma, scrounging off it like a tiny charisma parasite.
Kif: i just hope they like me
Zapp: and why wouldn't they,yes yes i know, tiny meek uninteresting, spare me your tedious life story kif. but above all have fun.


ive said it once but this altogether is the best zapp qoute ever, one of the few things that has ever made me cry with laughter

Gorky

Space Pope
****
« #155 : 03-06-2004 12:57 »

I can't remember the exact line, but one of my favorites has to be the whole run about Rock, Paper, Scissors in "Brannigan Begin Again". I also like this one from "War is the H-Word":

Zapp: I think you should know that I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. Kif, what do I call it?

Kif: (sighs) 'Sexlexia'

Most of Zapp's lines are funny simply because of the way Billy West plays him.
boingo2000

Liquid Emperor
**
« #156 : 03-06-2004 13:49 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Gorky:
I can't remember the exact line, but one of my favorites has to be the whole run about Rock, Paper, Scissors in "Brannigan Begin Again".

I don't remember the exact wording either, but it's someything like:

 
Quote
Zapp: Leela, you forgot one thing.  Rock crushes scissors.  But paper covers rock... and scissors cut paper!  Kif, we have a conundrum!  Bring me a rock... and search them for paper.
Gorky

Space Pope
****
« #157 : 03-06-2004 14:01 »

Thanks boingo 2000. That sounds about right. Also, most of Zapp's lines from "Brannigan Begin Again" were funny. I also enjoyed his line "What are you, gay?!" to Kif in "Amazon Women in the Mood".
totalnerd undercanada

DOOP Ubersecretary
**
« #158 : 04-04-2010 15:25 »

Zapp: Have the boy lay out my formal shorts.
Kif: The boy sir?
Zapp: You, Kif. You lay out my formal shorts.

"Formal shorts" is part of my everyday vocabulary at the moment for some reason.
anosou

Crustacean
*
« #159 : 04-04-2010 18:04 »

Basically the above quote. The emphasis on You lay out my formal shorts is fantastic.
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