Earth Votes '04

[on:]

My fellow PEELicans...
This election year, I'm personally getting pretty sick of our regular candidates for President of the United States (especially since I've already voted.)  And so, I've decided to hold my own election, to take America's mind off the insanity and give minors and foreigners something to do:

Which Futurama character would you want as President?

Vote based on comedy value, popularity, or actual politics, I don't care; no matter what you do, you'll still be more informed than most of America in the real elections.  And without further ado, here are your candidates from the two major American parties and seven "third" parties.  Voting will end sometime on November 3.

Democratic Party: A corrupt, drug abusing, whore-mongering "Hispanic" and a poor Irish Catholic with and IQ of 90 or so.
 
Bender: As an ex-con, I know how much the death penalty sucks, so I'll do away with it.  Also, FREE MONEY FOR POOR PEOPLE!
Fry: We will fight the war on terror with lasers from space!  We’ll be all like ZAP!  POW!  Peew peew peew!  Oh wait, that’s the other guys.  We’re just going to use Germans.

Republican Party: A retard and his sidekick who's about 8 times smarter than him.
 
Zapp: We'll beat whatever the Hell it is we're fighting by sending wave after wave of our conscripts at it!
Kif: For God's sake, don't vote for us.  Seriously, if this jackass wins, I may have to allow myself to be brainwashed into some elaborate conspiracy to assassinate him at his acceptance speech.
Zapp: Ooh, interns!
Kif: *Sigh*

Independents: A woman who got sick of regular parties and a source of easy money.
 
Leela: Now is the time to do away with the two party system, not to mention the horny idiots I'm running against.
Amy: Leela says for every million dollars my parents donate, I get to redecorate another room in the White House!

The Green Party: Because Jamaicans have udda eentrests, and I had to put Scruffy in here somewhere.
 
Hermes: People, I love regulations as much as de next mon; Hell, I love 'em more dan me own son.  But de government has gone to fah in deir regulation of, er, medicine.  Oh, and we could use more complicated environmental regulations to use on corporations.
Scruffy: Scruffy doesn't even know who this guy is.  *Eats potato chip.  Slowly.*

Libertarians: The Smelly Hippy Party
 
Clone of Free Waterfall Jr.: Government is bad!
Frieda Waterfall: Down with the maleocentric manocracy!

The Rainbow Party: I think Zoidy's a little confused...
 
Randy: We deserve respect!  Down with Safety Moms and Evangelicals!
Zoidberg: I love this party!  They gave me this great outfit, and all the microphones I can eat *Eats microphone*

The NRA Party: Yes, they’ve split from the Republicans, and they’ve upgraded to Weapons of Mass Destruction.
  http://img22.exs.cx/img22/4181/ffsticker04.jpg 
Professor:  Eh wha?  Ooh, yes, I think we all deserve as many weapons and doomsday devices as I can invent.
Cubert: … (apparently, Cubert was beaten unconscious by Cubert-haters backstage)

The MOM Party: Let the Capitalist Revolution begin.
  http://img91.exs.cx/img91/2931/momsticker04.jpg 
Mom: Why the Hell am I even running?  I pretty much own the planet anyway.

The Evil Party: Including on-show incumbent Richrd Nixon and his poker buddy Rupert Murdoch the Robot Devil
 
Nixon: You know we’ll win anyway.  Just vote for us, or even better, don’t bother voting at all.  Arrooooo!
Robot Devil: I hate everyone I’m running against.  Which is good, because I plan on having them all put to a hilarious and ironic death as soon as we’re elected.


If you vote for a write-in candidate, remember to actually write in the name (post it.)

   

A note to the moderators
Yes, this is a character poll going on at the same time as Fall Madness.  Personally, I think the format is different enough to justify it, and I hope this won't be a straight popularity contest.  Also, is there any way to close the poll to voting without closing the thread?  If so, please do it as close to 12am EST on November 3 as possible.  If not, sometime Wednesday evening would be good.

All stickers are .jpg files created using MS Paint
All portraits courtesy of Can’t Get Enough Futurama’s Framegrab section.
Note: I had to change a couple of my images to urls so the post would fit.

[Reply #1 on:]

Cool idea, NoR! I'm voting independent. Like I did at school. The Democratic party would most likely kill us all, as would... Everybody else, in some sort of ironic, yet hilarious, mishap. I would like to live another seventy years or so... Even if it means my slow, torturous death won't be hilarious.

Turanga-Wong in 2004!

 

We will fight the war on terror with lasers from space! We’ll be all like ZAP! POW! Peew peew peew! Oh wait, that’s the other guys. We’re just going to use Germans.

 

[Reply #2 on:]

Did you make up Randy's last name? Anyway, I voted for Leela and Amy.

[Reply #3 on:]

Since Free Waterfall Jr. doesn't believe in private property, I don't think he'd be a Libertarian, at least as far as the American Libertarian Party goes.

I really wish the show had been on long enough for a 3004 election episode.  I wonder who would have run against Nixon.

I voted for Leela and Amy, by the way.

[Reply #4 on:]

NRA all the way!  We need to be able to defend ourselves from evil alien overlords invading - something that has happened frequently in the past.  And those past invasions have proved Joe Earthican has been unable to protect themselves when the invaders slipped past our military!  It's necessary, even if Joe Earthican has the capability of vaporizing an entire city block!

[Reply #5 on:]

I'm voting for the democratic party. Vote for his shiny metal ass!

[Reply #6 on:]

I cast my vote for EVIL!  Because politicians have relied on evil throughout there entire careers, and it's time evil was upfront in running the government.

But Bender/Fry and Zapp/Kif would be tied for second.

[Reply #7 on:]

Green Party!

[Reply #8 on:]

Go democrats!

I can't wait for the book of Phillip J. Fryisms!

[Reply #9 on:]

Go Independents! Woooo!

[Reply #10 on:]

 

Originally posted by Venus:
Go Independents! Woooo!

Right on!

[Reply #11 on:]

Bender B and Philip J, whoo!
A world run by incompetent, boozing morons. Yes, I can see it being fun for the first week or so, before they got impeached.

[Reply #12 on:]

 

Originally posted by Probulator:
Bender B and Philip J, whoo!
A world run by incompetent, boozing morons. Yes, I can see it being fun for the first week or so, before they got impeached.

What are you talking about?  We've been seeing that for the last four years.  Damn, and I told myself I wasn't going to talk real life politics here...

[Reply #13 on:]

"I can't just stand idealy by while poor people get a free meal! We gotta sell these things"
- The Problem with Poplars

I think someone needs to go over Bender's campaign speach there 

Nes.

[Reply #14 on:]

Evil. When the chips are down, they're the only ones you can count on to be predictable.

[Reply #15 on:]

Leela/Wong 04!
*Hell, they're the only ones who are actually smart. (At least Leela is.) I'm actually treating this as if they were real, and actually running.*

[Reply #16 on:]

Death to the mainstream parties!

[Reply #17 on:]

^- I'll consider that a Write-in.  Nice sticker by the way.  Is it or is it not a real bitch to crop those framegrabs?

[Reply #18 on:]

Hermes is far to well organised to be a proper Green.

Going for...  the NRA. I want to see how many universes Farnsworth can shatter.

[Reply #19 on:]

My vote goes to Bender and Fry; I'd love to see how many days those guys could run the Earth before destroying it 

[Reply #20 on:]

Randy and Zoidberg, simply because they look like members of the villiage people in that pic.
Damn, now 'YMCA' is stuck in my head.

[Reply #21 on:]

I vote for Bender and fry.

[Reply #22 on:]

I'm voting for the Zapper! Because most politicians are exactly like him and I'll know exactly what I'll get voting for him.

[Reply #23 on:]

Turanga/Wong for Earth Presidency 2004!

      

[Reply #24 on:]

Alright, next time I do something like this, TLL gets to do the artwork.

By the way, is there any way around the eight image per post limit?  Cause I'd really like to show all nine of the bumper stickers right in the post, rather than linking.

EDIT: Gracias, oh he of the twin avys, but I know jack about photoshop.  I did all of these in paint, hence the crappy resolution on several of them, especially the Republicans.  On an unrelated side note, all of these stickers are legal signature images...

[Reply #25 on:]

Make all nine one image.  Use your mad Photoshop skillz, N-o-r!

Oh, will said skillz pay the billz?

(edit):And congrats on joining the ranks of the officers!

[Reply #26 on:]

 

Originally posted by VoVat:
Since Free Waterfall Jr. doesn't believe in private property, I don't think he'd be a Libertarian, at least as far as the American Libertarian Party goes.

Right family, wrong generation.  I would have to say Old Man Waterfall would be the closest thing to a Libertarian in the show.  His running mate would be, oh, let's say, Zoidberg.

[Reply #27 on:]

Isn't Leela's last name Leela? (I remember David X. Cohen said something about her first name being her last, and her last, first. But I'm not completely sure.)

[Reply #28 on:]

 

Originally posted by Eyedol7513:
Isn't Leela's last name Leela? (I remember David X. Cohen said something about her first name being her last, and her last, first. But I'm not completely sure.)

Yep, it's been mentioned before that her real first name is Turunga. They said that out loud in "Problem with Popplers".

[Reply #29 on:]

Oh seriously?  I haven't seen all the commentaries, but I gathered from consensus on this board that Leela was named East Asian/Bajoran* fashion - family name first, given name last.  This was based, I think, on Less Than Hero...I forget exactly what.

Also, good point, Unknown.  I mostly just wanted to play off the stereotypes of each party: the Democrats are corrupt, the Republicans are militaristic, the Libertarians are anarchist hippies.

*I heard that one in passing.  I actually never paid enough atention to DS9 or watched enough TNG to notice the inverted name thing

[Reply #30 on:]

 

Originally posted by Eyedol7513:
I remember David X. Cohen said something about her first name being her last, and her last, first. But I'm not completely sure.

You are right. Her name is Turange Leela and her parents names are Turanga Munda and Turanga Morris. For (some) Mutants the surname is obviously written before the first name.
Same is with the Bajorans in ST-DS9.

[Reply #31 on:]

That's confusing me. Is her first name Leela? Does that make the line in "Problem with Popplers" invalid and non-canon?

[Reply #32 on:]

As long as Leela/Wong 04 would promise me some scandalous sex tapes that would be shown on the news every two minutes, I'd vote for them.

[Reply #33 on:]

Family Name: Turanga
Given Name: Leela

In normal Indo-European format, she'd be Leela Turanga.
However, because the writers of the show said so, here name is legally, culturally, and officially Turanga Leela, just as if she were Chinese or Bajoran.  (I'm surprised we haven't attracted the attention of Teral with all these DS9 mentionings.)

I assume they did this because she is named after the Turangalila Symphony, but Turanga is kind of a goofy first name, even for a scifi show, and not nearly as pretty as Leela.

[Reply #34 on:]

You know, I'd normally vote for the green party, but just as in real life, I want the most liberal party to win, and green party doesn't stand a damn chance. Besides, think of what a great president bender would be...

[Reply #35 on:]

I voted for Leela and Amy. They'll do what's right!! Well, maybe not so much Amy but Leela would. If it was Leela and Kif they'd probably win definetly!

[Reply #36 on:]

Re-elect Nixon/Beelezebot for '04!  Those two have more experience running the country than the rest of those yahoos put together (aside from Mom).  Nixon's career has survived so much: wars, famines, and impeachments!  Beelezebot own the souls of those who are foolish enough to question Nixon.  The rest of the candidates aren't trustworthy enough to take care of the Professor's spaceship, let alone the world.

[Reply #37 on:]

You forgot the Brain Slug Party!!
But anyway, I'm voting for his shiny metal..wait, where do you shove things up a ball?

 

I've got a pain in the.....lower back

[Reply #38 on:]

Because I have some new information and I'm an attention whore, here's something to put me back at the top of the page:

I will make the final count of votes at midnight Central Standard Time on November 3.  Any votes after that won't count (as if anyone cares who wins.)  Also, Mods I'll ask you to lockinate this thing when I'm good and ready and think that it's commented out.  I don't want this thing to get resurrected by crazy newbs every month or so.

[Reply #39 on:]

evil would get osama bin laden so i vote for them