How would you kill Cubert Farnsworth?

[#280 :]

This would be truly satisfying, cause he's so annoying! I would burn him alive, easy, simple and extremely painful. If I wouldn't be filled with joy, I would rescue him at the last moment, let him beg for his life. Then either set him on fire again or electrify him... I would also have some animal bite him, eat little bits of his body. That would be a nice death for this horrible little brat.

[#281 :]

That's the spirt I'm not the only one gone postal.

[#282 :]

How can you run someone over with a snow blower?

[#283 :]

Well out here in Canada we have snow blowers with blades on them so if you get got in one you will get torn limb from limb.

[#284 :]

Sounds interesting, tell me more...

[#285 :]

That's about it... Also while I'm killing Cubert I would play Singing In The Rain this is probably because I watched A Clockwork Orange for the first time last night.

[#286 :]

I'd play LORDI or something such

[#287 :]

I'd bury him alive and give him a gun with one bullet in it... If he somehow escapes I would hallow him out and turn him into a jack-o-lantern. What would I do with the guts? I would feed them to Zoidberg of course.

[#288 :]

Poor Zoidy, ever he doesn't deserve that...Cubert would taste horrible

[#289 :]

I heard smart ass nerds taste good.

[#290 :]

Nah, they're really bland and tasteless, you want someone with a bit of kick

[#291 :]

Like deep fried Hermes.

Back on topic you can't beat the classics a nail in a board to the head will kill you good.

[#292 :]

Or forcing him to climb through a web of razor blades so he has a chance to escape, but he won't do...hehe

[#293 :]

*cough* Saw *cough*

Put him on a table and slowly rip every limb off with ropes. But before that I would cut off all his fingers and toes with a box cutter.

[#294 :]

Rip his tougue out and show it to him, then slowly twist his neck round while he trys to scream, and keep going till his neck snaps

[#295 :]

Futurama fans are pretty sadistic...

I would rip his head off with my bare hands and eat his brain through his eyes.

[#296 :]

Slowly stick a sharp stick through his ears then saw his head open and have a kebab

[#297 :]

I would put him in a really dangerous situation, involving lions (or something). Then save him, really heroically! While he’s overwhelmed with gratitude and thanking me, I'd hit him in the head with a crowbar, pop.

Take it when its sweetest, that's my style   

[#298 :]

But then he doesn't suffer so much...

[#299 :]

Oh but he does, because it takes a while to be beaten to death with a crowbar, and its happening when his life is at its richest.

[#300 :]

Not if you hit him in the head first, beat him in the gut for a while then go for the head, it'd be much more satifying 

[#301 :]

I still think being a cannibal is your most satisfying kill.

[#302 :]

Yeah, its much more personal, having something of the person you kill inside you. But then we are stuck with, do we cook him or eat him raw?

[#303 :]

Whatever floats your boat let's look at the pros and cons:

Pros for cooking: There's nothing like the sweet smell of nerd for your supper hey we can even put an apple in his mouth.

Con for cooking: It takes so much longer to cook him but if you eat him raw you can still feel the blood in his veins

Pro for raw:If you eat him raw you can still feel the blood in his veins.

Cons for raw: When you eat Cubert raw it might make you sick and it doesn't taste as good.

[#304 :]

So we cook him, bake him or boil?

[#305 :]

IMO cook is the best way to go.

[#306 :]

Okay then, I call dibsy on the brain

[#307 :]

Shit, okay...then I call dibs on the intestines. The how to kill Cubert thread turned into a cooking show pretty quick so back on topic.

[#308 :]

Right, boil him alive and listen to him scream!

[#309 :]

Just like a lobster... But this lobster will be able to cry.

[#310 :]

Lobsters can scream, but Cubert will scream louder

[#311 :]

What about taking batteries breaking them open and pouring the acid on Cubert's face if he survives then stab him in the eye quick and oh so satisfying.

[#312 :]

I think that could be quite enjoyable...or we could shove a stick or two of dynamite in him and blow him up.

[#313 :]

What about sending Cubert out in a forest and gathering a few friends and we'll have a hunt!

[#314 :]

Oh, now thats an idea, turning killing Cubert into a sport. Forget big game hunting, this is big nerd brat hunting

[#315 :]

We can sell it to Fox... Or use it as a Futurama Halloween episode.

[#316 :]

So we make money too! You have some great ideas ya know!

[#317 :]

I'd stick his fat little head between two logs, pull a lever, then squeeze slowly...soooo slowly...Watch as he screama before the final seams in his head twist apart, unleashing the contents within. I will chuckle, giggle to myself during those last few seconds of his life...And it will seem like all the time in the world two him! HAHAHAHA!
....Eh,kinda turned that into a story. And just went evil there. I really hate the buggar, though.

[#318 :]

Poor Cubert. Yes, he's annoying, but in the future, he could be something useful, like a prison guard, or a teacher's aide, or a science-fiction cartoon-writer!

I think now that I have had time to reflect upon it, that our hatred of Cubert is unjustified. I'd love to see more of Cubert - preferably being humiliated by Fry, or beaten up by Leela (it's not as though I like him) but not killed. No, not killed. If he was killed, then ho would we savour his tears as Bender forces him into service as a child prostitute to the stars?

[#319 :]

 

Originally posted by jle1993:
So we make money too! You have some great ideas ya know!

The first compliment I got on this website and it was that I'm good at being a sick twisted person...

Well back at what I'm good at I'm going to take Cubert's organs and wash my car with them and I would use his inside-out body as a rug in my living area.