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Smarty
Professor
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Fry: ...Leela? Did you just touch my leg?
Leela: Fry, I'm all the way over here.
Fry: (gulps) This is like Star Wars...I bet it's the garbage monster...oh no...can't breathe...the walls are starting to cave in! EVERY MAN FOR THEMSELVES!
Leela: Fry! Relax! Bender was just trying to steal you wallet.
Bender: You just have to ruin everything, don't you?
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Basil
Delivery Boy
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Leela: Fry, is this some kind of elaborate wind-up?
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NastyInThePasty
Professor
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Fry: Wow...I'm the first non-Brazilian person to travel through time.
Leela: Quiet, you...!
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futz
Liquid Emperor
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Leela: OK, which one of you clock suckers is responsible for this?
Fry: Honest I was just twisting the night away. Next thing I knew - clocks everywhere!
Bender: Amy? Are you in there?
Amy: I'm OK.
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soylentOrange
Urban Legend
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Leela: Yes yes, Fry. You've already told us that phase 1 was "Collect clocks" and that phase 3 is "Profit" but just how does phase 2 go again?
win
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Svip
Administrator
DOOP Secretary
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Hermes: [thinking] Okay, Hermes, say something smooth. [loud] Nice boobs! [thinking] Noo---
A slight "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" reference there. WATCH IT MORE IF YOU DO NOT CATCH IT!
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Gorky
DOOP Secretary
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Hermes: Dese documents are very important, so we require ya to sign 'em in blood.
Leela: Um, I'm not sure I'm comfortable with mutilating myself in the name of bureaucracy.
Hermes: Den yer a lesser woman den I. But I figured dat'd be de case, so dat red pen beside ya is already pre-filled wit' blood.
Leela: Whose blood?
Hermes: Dat's not important. Now, de professor tells me you're Type A?...
Weird, weird stuff. It's too early in the morning for me to pretend to be clever.
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NastyInThePasty
Professor
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Hermes: Pull me finger, woman!
Leela: [thinking] Oh lord...
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Ed3
Crustacean
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Leela: Hermes is that a pornography magazine on your shelf? Hermes: (clears throat) ah, no. it's, er, Bender's. Leela: But why would Bende... Hermes: Sign de paper.
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Frisco17
DOOP Secretary
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Hermes:. "Now as you can see owning a timeshare is one of de smartest financial choices you can make."
Leela: "Ugggh!"
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futz
Liquid Emperor
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Hermes: And by signing this form you agree, as ship's captain, to dance around the ship naked once before each flight.
Leela: At my last job I was required to dance naked on Thursdays and the equinoxes.
Hermes: Ah, previous expeirence, wonderful. Amy already has the equinoxes, how about the solstices?
Leela: Is the hangar heated?
Hermes: The employee lounge is also acceptable.
Leela: Well, OK then.
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coldangel
DOOP Secretary
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Hermes: Tits or GTFO
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Frisco17
DOOP Secretary
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It only matters if hobbitboy agrees.
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Smarty
Professor
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Hermes: Okay, Leela, now I just want ya to write your name on da top of da paper, den sign it. But first I have something extremely important and vital to tell ya. [phone rings.] hold on.
[15 minutes later]
Leela: Okay. What is it?
Hermes: What? Oh the very important information, yes. Okay so it's...wait...it's on da tip of my tongue...hold on...damn why can't I remembah? The whole dang company depends on this bit of information...what de heck was I supposed to tell you? I've almost got it...uh...wait...let me start over. Sign dat paper...got dat...uh...sign de paper...Oh! No dat's not it...comon' you dang brain...oh just come back tomorrow.
I've got nothin'
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hobbitboy
Sir Rank-a-Lot
Urban Legend
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« Reply #309 on: 09-01-2009 13:23 »
« Last Edit on: 09-01-2009 13:34 »
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I'm sorry to disillusion ( not to mention disappoint and disparage) willsterdude3000 but I'm awarding this one to… * NastyInThePasty *
Rock on, dudes.
[Edit] Oh, and an honory mention to Smarty for her brave effort which is not unlike one of my own from ages past and which still holds something of a special place in my heart. [/Edit]
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Smarty
Professor
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[Edit] Oh, and an honory mention to Smarty for her brave effort which is not unlike one of my own from ages past and which still holds something of a special place in my heart. [/Edit]
Leela: Okay, kids, you wanted to buy this piece of crap, so let's get to building. Let me just read the instructions. How to build your own Bending Unit: Chapter One. Congratulations on purchasing My First Bending Unit from Mom's Friendly Robot company. We're sure you'll be satisfied. Here is just a description of what is to come with My First Bending Unit: Right now your robot looks innocent, and possibly your child has already begun to attempt to build it. But there is more. By the time your robot turns 5 he will have become an alcoholic, chain smoker, heavy gambler, kleptomaniac, and narcissist. And if your robot claims to want to "kill all humans," don't worry, it's normal.
By the way, once the robot has been turned on there is no way to get rid of it.Ugh, kids, let's put this thing back in the box before it's too-- Bender: I'm alive!
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Frisco17
DOOP Secretary
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Hermes: "Does this bug you? I'm not touching you."
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coldangel
DOOP Secretary
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Leela (reading): So it's a protocol 'droid, by Ikea. Says here it's guaranteed to be polite, law-abiding, and obedient. Let's put it together!
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