1000 Things to Learn

[Reply #280 on:]

321: Bender can be silenced by pressing "mute" on the TV remote.

200 to go until I hit Professor!

[Reply #281 on:]

320: It's an honor to have a president gag on your gas bladder

[Reply #282 on:]

319: Bender has a doomsday device permanently implanted in his body cavity; the codeword to set it off is...BOOM!

[Reply #283 on:]

318: The is such a thing as a crack mansion.

[Reply #284 on:]

317: That don't sound like no golden Marmoset I ever hoid
316: KITT's windshield wipers were evil, even though it never came up on the show

[Reply #285 on:]

315: If robots don't drink they become blind stinking sober.

314: Robots antennas can interrupt satellite tv reception.

313: Cutting Leela's head off won't solve anything.

[Reply #286 on:]

312: Professor Farnsworth was once killed by man eating anteaters.

311: Even Decapodians think their planet is crappy.

310: Fry's grandfather wondered if he was dating women only because people expected him to...

[Reply #287 on:]

309: The best part about handling raw chicken is that it's finger lickin good

308: Leela really doesn't cook enough roast

307: Sarge like's to eat off a toilet

[Reply #288 on:]

306: 1947 can bite Bender's shiny metal ass.

305: Bender enjoys having his head buried.

[Reply #289 on:]

304: Single female lawyers like bein' self-reliant.

303: You can get Neptunian slug in a can, but to really do things right you gotta strangle yourself a fresh one.

[Reply #290 on:]

302: No one wants to visit Hattie's apartment, because it smells of polygrip & cat pee.

[Reply #291 on:]

301: Purple slug cause nightmarish diarrhea

300: Julia Roberts was apparently buried alive

[Reply #292 on:]

299: Scruffy has more stock in Planet Express than any other employee because "Scruffy believes in this company"

[Reply #293 on:]

298: Christina Agiulara shouldn't sing in spanish.

297: Qween Victoria used to made a cigar out of the US Constitution during her "wild years".

[Reply #294 on:]

296: Zoidberg is coming to kiss Bender's ass

[Reply #295 on:]

295: Nixon loved Bender's body as much as he loved Checkers.

[Reply #296 on:]

294: Don't be a hobo like Zoidberg

[Reply #297 on:]

293: rembrandt was blind and had wooden hands

292: Grandmothers are subjucated, yet honored

[Reply #298 on:]

291: Bender's "Gay-dar" does work, or the person in question comes from a planet that likes musical theatre.

[Reply #299 on:]

290(wow): We can kill ourselves when we get home!

[Reply #300 on:]

289: It's all there in the macaroni.
288: A drip and a cricket chirp are interchangeable if you're in a locker room.

[Reply #301 on:]

287: There is such a thing as a gay weather balloon.

[Reply #302 on:]

286: There are parts of the Bible he likes and parts he doesn't like.

[Reply #303 on:]

285: Hermes doesn't put to much effort into naming his protest groups.

[Reply #304 on:]

284: Non humans (like the Being of Inconceivable Horror) can win e-bay auctions.

283: E-bay auctions in the future can still be paid for with Money Orders.

[Reply #305 on:]

282: E-bay is a popular name in the future

[Reply #306 on:]

281: Fry doesn't like his coffee to shake.

[Reply #307 on:]

280: We need to defend our planet against pollution.

279: As well as dark wizards.

[Reply #308 on:]

278: Bender is one skeleton away from a Mouseketeer reunion.

[Reply #309 on:]

277. Cutting ribbons with giant orbital lasers is never a good idea

276. Apparently, knowledge of antihelminths has been lost in the future, and the only way to dislodge worms besides Jerked Prunes is to go into the patient's body with miniaturized robots and do battle with the worms until one can stimulate the pelvic splanchnic ganglion.

275. Leela's love for animals doesn't seem to extend to buggalo.

274. In an emergency loss of silverware, xistera serve just as well.

[Reply #310 on:]

273: Bender doesn't like the word "Blackmail"; he prefers "Extortion", because the "X" makes it sound cool.

[Reply #311 on:]

272: When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

[Reply #312 on:]

271:  Bender is a better chef than Elzar because his ingredient is water! 

270:  Amy prefers party boards to ironing boards! 

[Reply #313 on:]

269: Helmut Schparkel said Bender's food was acceptable...right before his stomach exploded.

[Reply #314 on:]

268: Helmut Spargel was named after asparagus.

[Reply #315 on:]

267: If you date a robot, it could cause the end of earth...DON'T DATE ROBOTS!

[Reply #316 on:]

266: Aparently the 2950s were exactly like the 1950s.

[Reply #317 on:]

265: Signoids like to make pizza with lots of things...that is, SWARMS of things.

[Reply #318 on:]

Sweet Zombie Jesus. It's getting really hard to come up with some new ones :/
Well, here's a shot.

264: A narweek is about six days.
263: Torgo's executive powder, apply directly to the buttocks.
262: Your maturity can be determined by the presence or absence of The Hulk.

[Reply #319 on:]

261: Pac-man is a four star general.