1000 Things to Learn

[Reply #120 on:]

664. The only real monsters are Dracula, Blacula, and Son of Kong

663. Stephen Hawking is a regular at Panucci's pizza

662. If you've lost a friend in deep space, religion can bring people together in prayer, but not do anything useful.

661. In the future, hotels offer free in-room porn or a bible.

[Reply #121 on:]

660: For LT. Uhura, spending eternity with nerds is like the Pasadena Star Trek Convention all over again.

659: William Shatner found a way to make a spoken word version of a rap song.  Unbelievable...

658: President Nixon's head was elected President of Earth by one vote.  It wasn't Bender's fault; convicted felons can't vote.

[Reply #122 on:]

657.  You vant maybe nice mug cocoa?

[Reply #123 on:]

656. Bender's meals taste better as vomit

[Reply #124 on:]

655.fry once owned a chevy nova

[Reply #125 on:]

654. Benders name isn't Bonder. It's Bender.

[Reply #126 on:]

653:  Both Fry and Leela should've been court martialed.

652:  Bender is a better Santa Claus.

[Reply #127 on:]

651. Now we all know what makes special sauce so special

[Reply #128 on:]

650: Idiots can be smart with the help of truck-stop  parasitic worms.

[Reply #129 on:]

641: Putting "Honest" in front of his name instantly makes Bender a trustworthy business owner in a variety of fields.

[Reply #130 on:]

640: The worst grade possible is an A minus minus

639: With their mighty powers, robots can get sick of things faster than humans

638: Bender isn't allowed to sing - court order

637: You shouldn't be too excited to join the Apathy Party

[Reply #131 on:]

636: It takes careful piloting to avoid electrical fields.

[Reply #132 on:]

635: Saying "Christmas" & "Ask" are archaic pronunciations that have gone the way of the poodle (much like our primative sense of modesty).

[Reply #133 on:]

634: If you are admitted to a robot asylum you are a robot.

[Reply #134 on:]

633:  In the future, you can watch big apes mangle each other near celebrities. 

632:  Magnets make bending units sing folk songs and screw up their inhibition units.

631:  The original martians had concept of trade.

630:  Precious ambergris comes from a whale's digestive fluids and is used in making the finest perfumes.

629:  Futurama - Noun - The show you just watched.

628:  Idiot - Noun -  You.

627:  If you clone someone, but leave them in their first tube too long, they will have a different nose than you.

626:  There ARE giant birds in the 30th century.

625:  When you visit Fanstasy Planet, all your fantasies come to life.

624:  Bender's head can act as a bug zapper.

623:  The forests on Mars look just like the forests on Earth!

622:  Please, Mr. Nixon, we're appealing to your sense of decency!

621:  If you have to see the fortune teller... damn the expense!

620:  There are candy hearts that read "U Leave Me Breathless".

619:  All your base are belong to us.

618:  Superheroes are allowed to steal things, even pull a museum heist in order to save people they care about.

617:  Howard Stern is overated!

616:  You watched it, you can't unwatch it!

615:  Fry's clothes are worth 50 bucks in the 30th century.

614:  A hole in nothing with monsters in it is called a "Fryhole".

613:  In order to prevent an adult Omicronian from eating you, you must make friends with one of their young.

612:  Free soda for all humans!

611:  Shalom hunger!  Shalom free food!

610:  The Niblonians are an ancient and powerful race - they fly small spaceships, have the ability to talk, and can erase your memory.

[Reply #135 on:]

609: Malachi did not pull of his own arm as a joke.

608: Your weiner is funny.

[Reply #136 on:]

607: You ski better with your eyes closed

606: Suicide booths look a lot like phone booths

[Reply #137 on:]

605: Phone Booths were used as toilets in New York in the 20th century

604: It's not another bathroom, its a mobile apartment with no rent

[Reply #138 on:]

603: Jedi's can feel robot deaths.

602: No matter how many kegs of booze and scantily cald women there are, it isn't a party until Amy shows up.

[Reply #139 on:]

601: If your cute Bender bakes you a pony.

600: Whale biologists are always right ^m^

[Reply #140 on:]

599: Bender isn't funky enough to be a globe trotter.

598: Nothing happens if Earth loses in Basketball, other than shame.

[Reply #141 on:]

597: Party boards can be converted into ironing boards

596: Teenagers all smoke and they seem to be pretty on the ball

595: Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned.

[Reply #142 on:]

594: Dancing Space Potatoes?  You bet!

593: Robots prefer large data files or flowers to puppies.

592: Blowing bugalow out of a volcano is, in principle, the same to blasting chickens out of a meteor crater.

591: And more fun than whatever method Leela was about to suggest...

[Reply #143 on:]

590: 100 Cups of Coffee makes you move in Bullet Time.

589: The only medical operation that Zoidberg knows how to do, is also the most complex. Taking your head and putting it on someone else's body.

588: Hermes is not a Space Potato Man.

[Reply #144 on:]

587: Pepridge Farm Remembers

[Reply #145 on:]

586: Nostradamus predicted it.

585: Fry's ear is controlled by a joystick.

584: Kif doesn't have bones but is supported by a system of fluid bladders.

[Reply #146 on:]

583: Lightsabers can be used to peel potatoes and break pinatas

[Reply #147 on:]

582: Don't trust lobsters. Ever.

[Reply #148 on:]

581: The essence of pure flavor is LSD!!!

580: You can take power naps in the cryogenic tubes.

579: They were close to a cure for boneitis, but that guy arranged a hostile take over and sold off all the assets.
 

[Reply #149 on:]

578: That guy's name is Steve Castle.

577: Kitten class attack ships are no match for chairs.

576: One of Al Gore's aids was named Phil Fry.

[Reply #150 on:]

575: The decals from cereal boxes will make the ship go faster, but only if the occupants are 12.

574: Metaphorical [met-uh-fawr-i-kuhl]: (Adj.) Get your coat.

573: Brains make people dumb

572: A giant brain is just a giant nerd, so it will therefore be in the liberry

571: The last pygmy rhino will go extinct unless it gets your credit card number

570: You can get rich watching porn asterisk

569: The Beastie Boys qualify as "ill", at least from a technical standpoint

568: If you're cold, you can stick your hands between your buttocks - That's nature's pocket

567: If rubbing frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey, he doesn't wanna be right!

566: It's not a spa - it's a forced labour camp!

565: The heat explains the elves breezy short-shorts... Yeah...

564: Atlanta was not just a delta hub! It was a vibrant metropolis, the equal of Paris or New York.

563: The chances were equally good it was an emperor.

563: I'm some French guy-ee

562: Fry hadn't finished being stupid, but you go ahead.

561: Futurama has a quota for the number of times "ass" is said in the episode

[Reply #151 on:]

560. Grunka Lunkas don't have a much worse labor union than they think
559. Murderology and Murderonomy are both majors

[Reply #152 on:]

558: APM stands for Ass Per Minute.

557: Fry isn't the safest person to captain a ship for.

[Reply #153 on:]

556: The Planet Express ship can be very moody, especially if it's voice is adjusted to "Sigorney Weaver".

555: Bender likes Alternative Rock, but not College Rock.

[Reply #154 on:]

554: If you fail to save the world playing a video game, enter "ASS" as your initials, to a least take a good laugh.

[Reply #155 on:]

553: Yancy Fry Sr.'s camouflage Tuxedo got him through "Nam" in style.

[Reply #156 on:]

552: When you get older you'll start to feel ways about stuff

[Reply #157 on:]

551: Presidential candidates have debates
550: Vice-presidential candidates have "Yo momma so fat" contests

EDIT: I just had a thought: something similar in principal and absolutely hilarious is The Evil Overlord List.

[Reply #158 on:]

549: Nothing Bill Clinton does anymore can be considered as sex

[Reply #159 on:]

548: Gerald Ford never considered voting an important part of becoming president.

547: George Washington pawned he teeth for booze money.

546: Amy can speak Yeti.