A memo from FOX's head of programming

[on:]

The FOX network regrets to announce that the animated TV series "Futurama" has been placed on probation. This action was taken only after careful consideration and extensive evaluation. It has been necessitated by the continuing failure of the show to reach a minimum satisfactory rating.

Over the past several months the show has actually had zero viewers on a number of nights, despite the fact that millions of viewers tuned in to watch NFL football on those very same nights. This failure on the part of the show's creators and writers is unacceptable, and as a forward-looking corporation the FOX network has no choice but to take the following actions prior to cancellation:

1. The show will no longer air in the valuable 7PM Sunday time-slot. Instead, it will be given a place of honor in FOX's new "WW" (Whenever, Wherever) system. Under this system the show will be aired at an undisclosed time on some station or in-house television set at least semi-annually.

2. Through an agreement between the Murdoch family and the Communist Party of the People's Republic of China, the show will now reach a market of an additional two billion viewers in the burgeoning Asian sphere. The shows will be edited down to a convenient and compact 30-second format and will be retitled "Long Live the Glorious Revolution! Consume and Invest With Tireless Diligence!" "LLtGR! CaIWTD!" will be sponsored by Archers Daniel Midland and will feature taped inspirational messages by George W. Bush.

3. In the Americas and Europe the show's audio track will now air in an Esperanto translation only for easy comprehension by all.

Viewers of "Futurama" will be sure to love FOX's newest animated offering: "FOX's NFL Babieez", starring the voice of Howie Long as Baby Howiee. The NFL Babieez will dance and rap their way into your heart, and the Baby NFL Cheerleaderz are H-O-T HOT! "FOX's NFL Babieez", only on FOX!


(The previous was NOT written by me. It was written by Usenet poster Peter Maranci. It is a parody and has absolutely nothing to do with the FOX Network.


No doubt, their memos are a LOT stupider.)

[Reply #1 on:]

Had me scared for a moment there....

[Reply #2 on:]

 

Originally posted by hangman3k:
Had me scared for a moment there....

ditto.

[Reply #3 on:]

Me too, until the numbered points it was totally believable. I’m worried that if FOX see this they will think it is a good idea and actually do it.

[Reply #4 on:]

My heart stopped for a couple seconds there

[Reply #5 on:]

 

Originally posted by Tweek:
Me too, until the numbered points it was totally believable. I’m worried that if FOX see this they will think it is a good idea and actually do it.

Hopefully they would also sdee the worried reactions it provokes, and decide not to cancel Futurama in case PEEL decides to send them a "gift" in the mail...

 

[Reply #6 on:]

That had me going for a second there  .

[Reply #7 on:]

Had me going until #2

[Reply #8 on:]

The horror the horror oh wait it's not real    hmm why would some one pray on our already frail emotions.

[Reply #9 on:]

I questioned its validity when the footbal argument came up.  That is pretty hilarious though.

[Reply #10 on:]

Don't ever do that again... holy cow, I was worried.

[Reply #11 on:]

Relax, my hygienically deficient crustacean friend, it was merely a jovial gesture.

[Reply #12 on:]

I didn't know I could hold my breath that long and sweat that much... This is bad for my heart. I'll probably die ten years sooner than I'm supposed to.

[Reply #13 on:]

 

Originally posted by DrThunder88:
Relax, my hygienically deficient crustacean friend, it was merely a jovial gesture.

Thank goodness it was only a joke, most of my hearts were racing and if I had hair it would all be gray now.  We crustaceans don't take well to being scared by humor.

[Reply #14 on:]

KRYTEN YOU FUCKING BASTARD!!

DO YOU REALIZE I ALREADY HAD THE ICBM'S ON THIER WAY!!!!!. I HAD TO ABORT THEM MID FLIGHT

THOSE EX SOVIET MIRVS ARE REALLY EXPENSIVE YOU KNOW.

THERE HAD BETTER BE A VERY LARGE CHEQUE IN THE POST.

P.S. If any one nows Krytens real name and address in NJ, I'd be most grateful, a picture of the nonce would be good too, I wouldn't want to maim an innocent person.

:: book's tickets to NY and looks out his crowbar.

And yes I know he didn't write it but I may be able to find out who did, after I've flicked off his finger and toenails with a sharpend stick.

 

[Reply #15 on:]

Oh my various gods! You almost got me there. I was sad as hell when I read the first few lines. Damn you! :P

[Reply #16 on:]

I almost died when I read that! Never do that again please unless you want to be responsible for people dieig of heart attacks.

[Reply #17 on:]

::hyperventalates:: that was so mean! i thought i was gonna cry.

[Reply #18 on:]

 

Originally posted by Venus:
::hyperventalates:: that was so mean! i thought i was gonna cry.

::grabs venus by the shoulders and shakes her:: calm down woman!! it was just a horrible dream!!

[Reply #19 on:]

a dream? really? but you were there! and you were there! (points to kryten) and you were there! (points to various others)and then there was water and i melted and organs were stolen and then everyone died! That dosn't sound like a dream to me! It sounds like a Tuesday.

[Reply #20 on:]

OH MY GOD!!! FOX sucks! What, you mean it's fake? Oh. FOX sucks anyway!!

[Reply #21 on:]

For the love of Pete, NEVER do that again

[Reply #22 on:]

        

^ My facial expressions moments before the heart attack set in. Good thing the paramedics responded so fast. And they only broke three ribs trying to revive me.

Seriously that first 3 lines had me going there, the football thing luckily cleared things up. The most scary thought is, that this sort of argumentation could very easily be spot on, when FOX one day cancels Futurama.

[Reply #23 on:]

 

[Reply #24 on:]

Kryten, you are eveil, evil I tells ya.

Do you know how long it took the paramedics to revive me?  Let's just say they're all putting in for overtime after this one.  My feable old heart can't take that kind of strain again, so please - NO MORE.

[Reply #25 on:]

This post was fun, but not THAT fun!

[Reply #26 on:]

Thats not funny. You're not funny. Don't ever do that again!

[Reply #27 on:]

T'was crappin meself there for a minute 'til it took a entertaining turn.

[Reply #28 on:]

yI Wad had until the commie bit. that wasnt funny though it almost pushed me over the EDGE!!!

[Reply #29 on:]

dude, that "memo" wasn't funny, man! I nearly shit my pants until i read the thing about china!

[Reply #30 on:]

do it again!

[Reply #31 on:]

I could survive the cancellation of Futurama if they really did make an NFL Babies show to replace it with.

[Reply #32 on:]

Oh my god. I was really worried until the 'zero viewers' thing, which I thought must be absolute crap, but I still believed that it was an actual memo. The first point was stupidly believable, though.

[Reply #33 on:]

Hey calm down everybody! Why should there be a Fox memo like that regarding the future of Futurama? It's the present time! =;-)))

Ainoth (back from hospital)

[Reply #34 on:]

 

Originally posted by Kryten:
The Channel 7 network regrets to announce that the animated TV series "Futurama" has been placed on probation. This action was taken only after careful consideration and extensive evaluation. It has been necessitated by the continuing failure of the show to reach a minimum satisfactory rating.

THIS IS EXACTLY TRUE IN AUSTRALIA!!! THAT'S RIGHT, F****** CHANNEL 7 ISN'T PLAYING FUTURAMA BECAUSE NO ONE WATCHED IT AT IT'S SH*TY TIME SLOT!!! 

[Reply #35 on:]

Word to that Aussie Brother

[Reply #36 on:]

Man i have been pushed over the edge and i havne even seen any epsidoes past season 1

mmmm? does kryten live in australia?

[Reply #37 on:]

 

Profile for Kryten:
Location: New Jersey, USA

Wanna ask that question again?

[Reply #38 on:]

I'm glad I died back in that other thread, or my heart would've exploded. I can completely see Fox pushing the "valuable 7PM Sunday time-slot" though.

[Reply #39 on:]

DON'T DO IT AGAIN!!! I did think, is this another annoying joke by someone and so i skipped to the end of your post at the end of #1 and found it was fake!