Game: Decrypt this!

[on:]

First off, if this is closed again it will be the last time, I swear.[

This game is simpler than it seems. The point is to solve Futurama Cryptoquotes.
For those of you not familiar with cryptogams or cryptoquotes, here's a basic explanation. (if you already understand, just skip to the bottom and forgive the painful explanation. I promise I won't repeat it, unless this thread somehow extended to 20 pages)

A cryptoquote starts it's life as a normal quotation. Then, a simple substitution cypher is created. (This is not as scary as it sounds.) This means that, for each letter in the latin alphabet, a random letter is selected to represent it. For example, 'A' might be replaced with 'N', 'B' with 'X', and 'C' with 'R'.
A=>N, B=>X, C=>R

In this case,
"CAB"
encrypted would be
"RNX"`

Solving them takes a little patience, but it really isn't as difficult as it might seem at first. I won't go into too much detail, but with short quotes, the best strategy is to look for a crib. In codebreaking terms, a crib is basically a guess, a letter or word that you guess the real letter or word for. For short quotes like these, words are often better than letters, so I won't talk about the letter count stastics. The best general strategy is to look for short words, and guess what they might be. In this game, since all quotes are from Futurama and end with the name of the speaker, the name is an excellent place to start. Simply counting the letters in the speaker's name might let you guess who is speaking, giving you an excellent start by revealing the real values of those letters.

A short example:
"NCCH AJSK, JQJIWCAJ!" -LBIAKSCIMP

To decode this, first you'd look at the name. Counting the letters and with a little guesswork, the only major character with a 10-letter name is Farnsworth. Substituting for those 10 letters we get: (Capitals=not decoded, bold lower case=decoded)
"NooH AJws, JQJrWonJ!" -farnsworth
for "NooH" we can guess "good" giving us
"good AJws, JQJrWonJ!" -farnsworth
the "AJws" is a 4-letter ending in "ws"... this looks like "news"!
"good news, eQerWone!" -farnsworth
By now, you should all recognize Professor Farnsworth's most infamous catch-phrase,
"Good News, Everyone!" -Farnsworth

As with all PEEL games, if you guess correctly you get to do the next puzzle. If nobody gets it in a day or so, the poster of the quote will reveal the name of the episode the quote was from. After another day, the name of the person who said it will be revealed. If by some chance it's still uncracked, one additional word will be revealed per day until someone guesses the quote. As usual, if the correct guesser chooses to pass on their turn, it goes up for grabs to the next comer to post a new puzzle.

Since encoding a cryptogram by hand is a pain in the ass, here is a tool to do it for you. Now, anyone can post a cryptogram in just a few seconds work. All you'll have to do is think of a quote, type it into the program, and copy & paste the program's output into the forum.

A final comment, those of you who know every episode of Futurama by heart may be able to guess without botheing to decode, just by noting the number and size of words and matching it to a familiar quote. And if you want more detailed tips on decoding cryptograms, just google for "solving cryptograms".

[edit - almost forgot]
For those hard-core nerdlingers among you who find cryptoquotes too simple to bother with, here's a more substantial challenge. Note: THIS is NOT a cryptoquote, so it is not recomented for the casual challenger! The techniques described above do NOT apply to this one! Here's the tougher challenge:
"BT'U VVFL G NZQB, XDWH EEO LHXAZ UAFF JY REK RAFF XG GS JOREYE. YWP LEK RAFJD ZCZM RZQIH LDWH EAAB OO NER KRLIVJ RM COMWWK!" -WWEWBCBYRA

MESSAGE TO MODS: if it please you, even if you fail to see the point yourself, and in spite of it being the 3rd incarnation, give this thread time. If noone solves the first basic puzzle within 12 hrs (allowing for it being friday night) or if nobody besides me posts a puzzle within 36 (allowing for me to be slow in posting the encrypte app promised above), then by all means close the thread and I will never post it's like again. Please allow this grace on the grounds that this is, after all, a forum dedicated to nerdlingers! Thank you.

Here's the first FCQ (Futurama CryptoQuote)!

"HCRG'X GCB WNLEG NK WPMMLET GCB ALTTBXG WNNM JRWBO BYBO, LK ENANSZ DENHX ZNP SLS LG?" -ABESBO

Hopefully I'm not the only hard-core nerd around here... Personally I solve the cryptoquote in my local paper every day so this is kindof old-hat to me and many others I'm sure.

[Reply #1 on:]

wow, this is hard! I'll guess later

[Reply #2 on:]

Thats really hard... maybe you should start off with a shorter one, until members can get use to it...

[Reply #3 on:]

Honestly, they're not as hard as they seem at first. I just decided to be pretty detailed in my explanation, In the hopes it would decrease the odds of this thread being closed when I wake up tomorrow.

Incidentally, for any non-robots on the forums, I recomend not being drunk when you try to crack cryptograms.

Mas: Seems counter-intuitive, but in fact longer are easier. More letters represented, more short words, more repetition of letters. Honestly, they're not that hard; there's even a cryptoquote in my local paper every day, and trust me, Georgians aren't known for their intellect!

[Reply #4 on:]

"What's the point of pulling the biggest pool caper ever, if nobody knows you did it?" -Bender

"W MRHGMFO FWF! TB RGGRM - FB OBV NMQQM KG RWYG VT, BH FB OBV NMQQN KG RWYG MFGRMW...NWIX QB TGJGHG CGQIMR BH TBLWMR PHBKRGCT NXMITBGJGH" - EHO

[Reply #5 on:]

NICE opening post Gopher. Well explained. (you spent a lot of time on that didn't you? all for a dumb message board? aww...lol)

"I already did! So Leela - do you wanna be like us, or do you wanna be like Adelai, with no severe mental or social problems whatsoever" - Fry

I liked that, it was actually fun (btw you made mistake in the second line...should be NMQQM lol). Anyways I'll post one of these later today

[Reply #6 on:]

I think prof. wernsrtom got it

[Reply #7 on:]

I know...I was doing Prof. Wernstrom's cryptoquote.

After length femputation I have chosen a quote. Since you all seem to be experts at it it's a lil bit tougher (still single substitution crytoquote though). The speakers is NOT one of the main characters.

ARSA YPHYWKUQB ARQ FMNADMH MX ARQ AMKN ERQNQ OMK BASO SWDIQ! - JWKNGM

[Reply #8 on:]

I'm real bad at these

[Reply #9 on:]

First off: Yay! I'm NOT the only nerd who enjoys cryptograms around here! I was really starting to wonder...   

Wernstrom was right on mine, and I'm assuming FF was right on wernstrom's. (nice thing about these puzzles, you usually KNOW you're right)

FF's is :
"that concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive!" - glermo

but you misspelled "glermo" "Glurmo" and "concludes" had a 'P' instead of an 'M' for the 'O' (all the other 'O's are replaced with 'M's)

Here's another:

"P UPAW YJH BNKY HLNYPR QSLY NU S FNBSA PK YJH CNNCPHK." -MPU

[edit]
Forgot to ask, did you two encode by hand or use my program? 'cause if my program is inserting errors I need to find the problem

[Reply #10 on:]

Gopher, when I try to run your program I get the following error: "The application failed to initialize properly (0xc0000135). Click on OK to terminate the application." I don't know if it's just my computer, but I thought you might want to know.

Also, I like the thread idea (I had a quick go at your latest and got nowhere, I'll keep trying)!

[Reply #11 on:]

I tryed, I only got "what's the point of" and I gave up 

[Reply #12 on:]

Zoidy: hrm. Didn't think about it before but it probably requires the .Net framework, do you know if you have it installed? When I get the time I might make a standard Win32 version, that one I just cranked out in C# in about 15 minutes.

[Reply #13 on:]

To be honest I don't have a clue whether I have the .Net framework installed or not, how do I check?

Don't bother about putting together a new version because of me, if I ever actually win one of these I won't mind doing mine by hand   

[Reply #14 on:]

Apologies for the double post, but I believe the answer is "I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies" -Kif.

 

Originally posted by zoidyzoid:
if I ever actually win one of these I won't mind doing mine by hand

Maybe so, but it's getting close to 1:00am here, so give me 12 hours or so... I need to get some sleep 

[Reply #15 on:]

ok, gonna check and if java applets will run properly on my free web space I'm going to write a java version of the program, that should fix any compatibility issues once and for all.

Also, occurrs to me maybe we should give answers with spoiler tags, in case anyone else wants to take a crack at the past ones?

[edit:addition]
My space will run java applets, as I expected, working on the java version now. Might take a while since I don't know java, but it seems easy enough so far.

[Reply #16 on:]

Forgive the double-post, wanted to draw attention to this. Here's a web-based version of the cryptogram encoder program:

My java sucks

[edit - oops]
Just realised I never specifically mentioned, zoidy was correct.

[Reply #17 on:]

Thanks Gopher, I'd already done this one by hand: 

AB CDEB FGHFGI JK ILMI J LMNG OCDGJIJK –ILMI HPB

[Reply #18 on:]

i dunno

[Reply #19 on:]

 

Originally posted by Gopher:
but you misspelled "glermo" "Glurmo"

ahhahaha, see the funny thing about that, I wasn't sure which one it was either cuz i googled it and Neutral Planet said Glurmo but CGEF said both. and then i went to #fc and asked germanfryfan and he said that on his german DVD it was subtitled Glurmo, then i checked my own english DVD and it was subtitled Glermo, so then I was completely confused, and i think it was Ninaka who said "glurmo" was closer to what the product was, "slurm". So i decided to stick with glurmo. If you are positive it's Glermo though, please show me because I am totally confused on this and now it's bugging me!!! hehe   

 

and "concludes" had a 'P' instead of an 'M' for the 'O' (all the other 'O's are replaced with 'M's)

that was carelessness on my part, sorry. I even checked it before I posted it and I still messed it up lol...sorry about what I said before Prof. Wernstrom, yours appears to be a typo, I was just careless   

edit: oh there's a program that will encode it for you? sweet, i just did it by hand, hence the mistake

[Reply #20 on:]

 

Originally posted by zoidyzoid:
Thanks Gopher, I'd already done this one by hand:   

AB CDEB FGHFGI JK ILMI J LMNG OCDGJIJK –ILMI HPB

I'm guessing:
My only regret is that I have boneitis-That Guy

Not sure how mine turned out since I did it by hand and it's from a side character, but here it is, none the less:

LTU T STWQTEP YX YQ CKB CETP!
 -UKU

[Reply #21 on:]

 

Originally posted by NoticeablyFAT:

LTU T STWQTEP YX YQ CKB CETP!
 -UKU

Jam a bastard in it you crap!
 -Mom

[Reply #22 on:]

 

FutureFreak said:
ahhahaha, see the funny thing about that, I wasn't sure which one it was either cuz i googled it and Neutral Planet said Glurmo but CGEF said both. and then i went to #fc and asked germanfryfan and he said that on his german DVD it was subtitled Glurmo, then i checked my own english DVD and it was subtitled Glermo, so then I was completely confused, and i think it was Ninaka who said "glurmo" was closer to what the product was, "slurm". So i decided to stick with glurmo. If you are positive it's Glermo though, please show me because I am totally confused on this and now it's bugging me!!! hehe

Wow. I was just basing it on the english version's subtitles, which may be inaccurate. You seem to have checked much more thoroughly than I 

Don't feel bad about the mistake, it's a real pain to encode them by hand. I made 2 progs to do it.

The first is a stand-alone windows app you can get here but I think it requires the latest .Net framework to be installed to run, which you may not have.

The other is web-based, here but I tried to get to it from a friend's house earlier and it didn't load right either, but his computer was messed up so I dunno if it means anything. Can I get some verifications?

Professy was right, I'm sure, so it's his turn next, unless you're passing? We'll give you some time

[Reply #23 on:]

wow...I've never know a n00b to be so...informed...and formal...it brings me hope...and tears to my eyes 

oh, and the second Java Applet link you gave failed :/ I can deal with doing it by hand, just ignore my stupid mistakes haha

[Reply #24 on:]

argh! dammit. Ah well, that was my first attempt at a java program ever. it works from my computer in IE...

[edit: removed the useless quote of the previous post]

[Reply #25 on:]

i tried it on IE too, it didn't work. i found this site online, but it uses numbers instead of letters (i don't know if that matters...)

teppo.tv/cryptogram/

after you click "start" if you go to "create your own" it'll do one for you after you type it and click "done"

oh nevermind, this one is quicker AND uses letters, try this one

[Reply #26 on:]

hmm. Why didn't I think of that? Did my own search, eventually turned up this site

It seems a bit wierd, you have to enter your quote in all caps or it comes out all 'A's but since nobody else seems to be able to use mine at all it'll do for now.

FF: heh. That one's better than the one I found, I'll still probably redo mine tomorrow tho, 'cause I'm just like that 

Decided I'm just gonna rewrite mine tomorrow as javascript, but it's too late to be writing code right now. I won't have to rewrite most of the code, and mine's more robust (no sporadic freezes, no charset limitatins, works with upper or lower-case)

[Reply #27 on:]

Wait, I'm just doing one by hand for authenticity. 

[Reply #28 on:]

 

Originally posted by futurefreak:
i tried it on IE too, it didn't work. i found this site online, but it uses numbers instead of letters (i don't know if that matters...)

teppo.tv/cryptogram/

after you click "start" if you go to "create your own" it'll do one for you after you type it and click "done"

oh nevermind, this one is quicker AND uses letters, try this one

ahh, cool

[Reply #29 on:]

Ok, rewrote it one more time in javascript.
This one won't require the .net framework, or the java enviroment, or anything that doesn't come with your web browser.

[edit-addition]
In the past 3 days, I've written the same program 3 times, in 3 different languages, and all 3 were languages I'd never written a program in before, all for a pointless game on a fan forum for a cartoon. I think my nerdiness has just peaked - it's all down-hill from here.

Get to it here!

[Reply #30 on:]

 

[edit-addition]
In the past 3 days, I've written the same program 3 times, in 3 different languages, and all 3 were languages I'd never written a program in before, all for a pointless game on a fan forum for a cartoon. I think my nerdiness has just peaked - it's all down-hill from here.

You are officially a nerdlinger!

[Reply #31 on:]

Who's go?

[Reply #32 on:]

Professy's turn, we're waiting while he encodes one by hand I think.

[Reply #33 on:]

lets chat while we wait.

what you doing today?

[Reply #34 on:]

Sorry I took so long, it's just I spent half the time thinking of a quote. 

XP X UOEO EOSXWHOEOM HZ NZHO, X'M WOTM HVOWO FBZUTW Q GOWWQSO LR WHQRXTS VZGO ZT OBOFHXZT MQR QTM MEOWWXTS AJ BXIO Q FBZUT
  -- PER

[Reply #35 on:]

'If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up as a clown'
--Fry

Good quote choice, I enjoyed solving that 

I'll post mine shortly.

[Reply #36 on:]

And here we go:

“ZYYXW VUTST! RV’Q YPT YO VUTN VURPMQ ZRXT YP YLS NLKOZJIQ!” -QJZ

Done by hand, as I thought Gopher's program wasn't working. It turns out it is, but I didn't realise that until later...

[Reply #37 on:]

To clarify, the last program I posted should work for ANYONE. The first two both work but require the .net framework or the latest JRE (java runtime environment)

[Reply #38 on:]

Had a really hard time with this one, but I finaly got it..

"looky there! It's one of them things like on our mudflaps!" -sal

Here's the next one, and it's a looong one! Two characters said the line, naturally I credited it to the more obscure of the two!

"BHD IQZWNZX PZ, PHP, GH L YDZGG BHDQ NH COWPZ;
RHQ NFZ OHMZ NFWN L RZZO, SDGN RQHP FZWQLUY BHDQ UWPZ;
BHD'QZ WG NZUXZQ WG IHQUZX CZZR, WUX WG AWQP WG EWGNQWPL...
L ADM PB PHPPB!"-YQZZNLUY IWQX CHN


[edit-addition]
dammit, just found a bug in my 3rd version of the encryptor, it seems to only replace the FIRST instance of a letter. string.replace() works differently in javascript than in java. grrr. I'll fix it tomorrow. In the mean time, one of these two may work for you:
Web based, requires java environment plugin
stand-alone, requires .net framework
------------------

[Reply #39 on:]

"You created me Mom, so I guess your to blame;
For the love that I feel just from hearing your name;
you're as tender as corned beef, and as warm as pastrami...
I wuv my mommy!"-Greeting Card Bot

A quibble: the first 'your' should be a 'you're' 

As usual, you'll have to wait a bit for mine. Sorry!