Lambast? Nope. I actually didn't get it. Ah, well.     

Y'know, I've been saying 'lamblasted' for years, and I now realise that I probably meant 'lambasted.' This sort of revelation makes me feel all gooey inside, like my spleen is melting.

TOTP twirl of confusion.

Both definitions are right boingo, and I tried to throw a pun or two in here just for you     

It's Tongue Luck's birthday, so how could I not update?  Well, I think it's still her birthday, depending on what country she's from. Whatever.  The point is, here's part two:

_____________________
Part 2

Fry(dejected):  I thought it was a paper clip…

(Cut To:  The PE ship:  Fry, Leela, and Bender are aboard)

Leela:  Alright, let’s make this quick.  Fry, you’re capable of at least feigning competence for a little while, and Bender, your arrogance may actually fit in well there…

Fry:  Aye, aye captain!  Do my glasses make me look more (pause) ear-oo-dite?

(Camera cuts to Fry, wearing bulky glasses and trying to read a dictionary)

Leela:  All those glasses do if foretell you not being able to see with them on and tripping over the console while I’m trying to steer.

Fry:  Way ahead of you Leela, there’s no lenses! 

(Fry tries to indicate this by poking through where the lenses should be, and successfully jabs his eyes in the process)

Fry:  AHH!  I can’t see!

(He stumbles around, and promptly trips over the steering console while Leela is trying to steer)
   
Leela (regaining control):  This is going to be a long day.

Fry (getting up):  I’m … (flips though his dictionary, and stops to read a page)  … fine.

Bender:  Fry, when are you going to learn that the harder you try, the worse you fail?

Leela:  He’s right; your best bet is to not try so hard.  Just do your job, you’ll be OK. 

Fry (saddened):  Well, alright.  I guess I’ll try…

Leela / Bender:  No!

(Cut to the PE ship arriving at Mensa.  A sign reads “Welcome to Mensa, Founded: 54^2”.  The ship lands through the open roof of a science lab, which closes after the ship passes through)

(Leela exits the ship, clipboard in hand, followed by Fry and Bender maneuvering the hover-dolly.  She is met by an elderly man, about Wernstrum’s age, who has been making his way towards the ship)

Man:  Greetings!  You must be Leela.  I’m Professor Paladine, but you can just call me Dennis.

Leela:  OK… Dennis.  This is the rest of the crew, Fry and Bender. (She indicates each of them.  They wave, then go back to the dolly)

Dennis:  Nice to meet you.  Hey, don’t worry about that dolly guys, my staff will take it from here.

Fry (relieved):  I like you already.

Leela:  Thanks Dennis, just sign here and we’ll let you get back to work.

Dennis:  What?  You’re just going to leave?  Don’t you want to look around?  We have quite an impressive planet here… marvels beyond your intellect’s wildest dreams.

Fry:  Eh… 

Dennis:  I’ll buy you lunch.

Fry:  I’m in.

Bender:  Yeah, me too.

Leela:  Well… I don’t see why not. 

(The group starts walking through the lab)

Leela:  This is very nice of you Dennis.  What we’ve been told about Mensans doesn’t seem to be true at all.

Dennis: (chuckles)  Heh, they’re probably talking about Einstein’s head.  He hasn’t been happy since they raised the speed of light in 2208.

(He points to a nearby blackboard, Einstein’s head is staring at it angrily.  It reads E=M(C-X)^2.  He uses a robotic arm to knock it over)

Dennis:  Don't worry Al, the original is still 'relatively' close! 

Bender (laughs):  It’s funny because he’s miserable!

Dennis:  Oh, and we also reproduced Hitler’s brain in a computer… I think we may have gotten some bad press for that.

(Cut to an ordinary looking computer, it’s unplugged.  A label on it reads “Mein Comp”)

Dennis:  In all fairness, we generally just use it for FreeCell…

Leela (undaunted) :  Well… the Professor has had similar ideas; who are we to judge?

(Cut to:  A cafeteria, Fry, Leela, Bender and Dennis are seated, a tray of refreshments is nearby)

Dennis: …and that’s how we exploited the artificial ecosystem to make food for everyone on the planet.

Leela:  Amazing how it all stays in balance, especially since I didn’t see any oceans while we approached the planet.

Dennis:  Ah, good eye. (He flinches at this faux pas, no one notices) Uh...so yes.  Water supply on this planet is low, but not critical.  Our technology allows for quick and efficient salvage and redistribution of all of our waste water.

(Fry, taking a big swig of water, catches the meaning of the last exchange.  He chokes and pushes his glass away)

Fry:  That’s disgusting!  I can’t even think about drinking water anymore... (pause) I’ll just have a lemonade. (He grabs a nearby glass of lemonade and chugs it)

(A cell phone rings.  Dennis answers)

Dennis:  Hello?  …yeah.  …already?  I didn’t expect that.  Alright, alright, I will. Yeah, don’t worry about it.  See you soon. Bye.  (to the crew)  I’m sorry guys, I’ll have to cancel on the tour, I need to get back to the lab.

Bender:  (Pulling empty bag out of chest cavity)  But, but… the looting! I mean, the learning!

Dennis: You can filch some other time, you’re always welcome back.  But we really must get going…

(Cut to: The lab.  Prof. Paladine is leading the crew back to the ship)

Dennis:  Well, sorry about this, but when duty calls... 

Leela:  The important thing is that for once we completed a delivery without a hitch.

Fry:  What are you talking about?  We hardly ever use the hitch!

Bender (apathetic):  Yes, we can safely say that this delivery was a boring waste of time, and absolutely nothing interesting- (double take)  Oh some god, the ship is gone!

(Camera zooms out.  Indeed, the space where the ship was parked is now vacant.  Fry runs to where the ship used to be.  He picks up a piece of paper on the ground)

Fry:  It didn’t disappear; it just turned into a note somehow!

Leela (exasperated):  Give me that...(She takes the note and reads it)  “Dear  Planet Express. Intrigued by your ship’s unusual engines.  Have never seen anything like them, so we borrowed the ship for research. Terribly sorry for any inconvenience.  Will return it undamaged by tomorrow.  Thanks, the research department."

Fry:  What?!

Leela:   Dennis, is this true?!

Dennis:  I guess so, we Mensans are some mighty curious people, and by our laws we can do just about anything in the name of science.  It won’t be so bad… (He stops a nearby researcher)  What are these people supposed to do while you look at their ship?

Researcher:  Well, I suppose they can stay in the lab tonight, we’ll set up some cots…

Dennis:  Nah, I don’t think they’d enjoy that. And I don’t trust that robot… I have a better idea.

(Establishing shot of a building:  Sign reads “Hotel Californium”)

(Cut to:  Fry, Leela, and Bender in a hallway.  Leela puts an electronic key into a slot, and the door unlocks)

Fry (whispering):  Please, oh please, oh please please please…

(Leela opens the door, revealing a quaint little room with two beds)

Fry:  Damn.

Leela:  Well, it looks like we’re here for at least the day, so we should try to make the best of it.

Fry:  Hey, a minibar! (He points to a minibar across the room)

Bender:  And a maxi-bar! (Bender hits a button on the wall, and a full bar spins around from the other side of the wall)

Leela (unenthusiastic):  Great, drinking.  That’ll pass the time until they call… I’ll go get some ice.  (she grabs an ice bucket) …and remember where we are guys, try not to do anything too stupid.

Fry:  OK…

(Leela exits the room; Fry and Bender look at each other and grin)

Bender/Fry:  LAMP FIGHT!

(Each grabs a lamp from a night table and gleefully rears back to throw)

(Cut to Leela, in the hall)

*SMASH*

Bender/ Fry (Off Screen): Ow!  (They laugh)

(Leela’s eye narrows.  She continues on her way)
____________________

Didn't expect to get this part done so quickly, but I did, mainly because I used all of my pre-written jokes.  Like a subpar delivery company, you'll get the next part in 2 to 6 weeks (hoping for 2).

And may I say one more thing to my readers.  Where have all you people been recently?  PEEL is boooring without you!  Also, what happened to Gorky's thread?

As always, critiques and suggestions are appreciated.

   

Originally posted by JBERGES:
It's Tongue Luck's birthday, so how could I not update?

Aww. This put such a cheesy grin on my face. Quick! Venus, EL, somebody! Have a birthday so we can get some more delicious fanfic nougat!   

Originally posted in Part 1:
Farnsworth (agitated): Founded in 2916 by the most-

     

Back to Part 2:
“Welcome to Mensa, Founded: 54^2”.

Way to plan ahead! (Or get lucky and arbitrarily pick a perfect square. Both good.) I really admire that little bit of continuity.     

(He points to a nearby blackboard, Einstein’s head is staring at it angrily.  It reads E=M(C-X)^2.  He uses a robotic arm to knock it over)

Great! If there's one thing the universe has been missing lately, it's an angry Einstein with a robotic arm.
   

Dennis:  Oh, and we also reproduced Hitler’s brain in a computer… I think we may have gotten some bad press for that.

(Cut to an ordinary looking computer, it’s unplugged.  A label on it reads “Mein Comp”   

Dennis:  In all fairness, we generally just use it for FreeCell…

First I laughed because I'll always laugh at a Hitler's brain joke. Then I lauged because "Mein Comp" is brilliant. Then I laughed because my statistics say I've played 1843 games of FreeCell. Are you trying to asphyxiate me?     

the tour

Heh. Blue card.     

Fry (whispering):  Please, oh please, oh please please please…

(Leela opens the door, revealing a quaint little room with two beds)

Fry:  Damn.

Yeah! That thing I love! Even if you explicitly tell me otherwise, I'm going to believe that was at least partially for my sake.     

Bender/Fry:  LAMP FIGHT!

This, and the ensuing sound effects and reaction shot, had me on the floor. Or, you know, the chair. But I was laughing. I like how you almost always end with a strong joke.

I, on the other hand, like to end with a nitpick.   

Leela:  All those glasses do if foretell you not being able to see with them on and tripping over the console while I’m trying to steer.

Although it sets up a great gag, this line feels a little clunky to me. Also, it says "if" where I think it should say "is".

Another top notch effort Bergey. And you can't say I've left! No life for me!

The bits I liked:

'I'm...fine' (Ah, a cheap 'Fry is dumb' joke... how I love them.)

'54^2' (Mainly because I'm proud that I actually got this...)

'Mein Comp' (I've been saying it for years: Hitler (and all things associated with Hitler) is comedy gold).

'It didn’t disappear; it just turned into a note somehow!' (Just... wonderful!)

'LAMP FIGHT!' (And topped off with random craziness... bravo).

Marvelous.

I think you've collected the whole set, now, Bergey. 

Yes, dorky science jokes are awesome, and in the true Futurama spirit.  I like the hotel's name...

 

Originally posted by SlackJawedMoron:
I think you've collected the whole set, now, Bergey.

    Wooh, I win! I win absolutley nothing!  But seriously, it's nice to see TLL wander on in here.  Glad you like it.
 

Originally posted by Tongue Luck: Heh. Blue card.

    Huh?  Explain yourself!  (I'll fix the sentence, that's a good call by you)

And in response to the hurricane victim:

JBERGES:  Venus, you survived! Hurrah!
Venus:  Yeah, it wasn't too bad.
JBERGES:  But, your clothes are all torn and tattered, what happened? Are you OK?
Venus:  This is the way I always dress.
JBERGES:  Oh.  How unpleasantly awkward...(runs away)
       http://www.peelified.com/ubb/Forum12/HTML/001875-8.html#281

Hey, if you're reading this story keep telling what you think, I'm grateful for it (negative things are cool too). Meanwhile, I'll figure out what to do about this plot I didn't write yet...   

It's a long and rambling story filled with horrific tales of hurricanes and computers freezing and popups and homework, so.. I won't tell it. But now that I've FINALLY made it over here, I can't say anything that hasn't been said. You frickin' rock, man. And you always make me laugh!
[Lesbian PEELERS, collect em all!]

 

Also, what happened to Gorky's thread?

Oh yeah, sorry about that. Long story short, my computer crashed, rendering it useless for the past month. But, never fear (or, maybe you should), I have a new, mind-numbing part of my fic posted (beware the shameless plug)here. Nice to know that my abscence was acknowledged...

 

Umm..Gorky has 'mysteriously' vanished of the face of the Earth....That'll teach her to steal my ideas...

Damn you, karma! Well, I managed to unvanish (or misvanish...un...dis...aww, screw it) anyway, so now you're stuck with me again.

Anyway, back on-topic. Great to see you back, JBERGES! Your new fic looks great so far (I loved the afore mentioned paper clip gag in part one, as well as the lamp fight in part two--genius), and I hope to see more of it in the upcoming weeks. Keep up the awesome-as-always (hey, I thunked up a new word...or conglomeration of words...eh, you get the picture) work.

 

Originally posted by JBERGES:
Yes, dorky science jokes are awesome, and in the true Futurama spirit.  I like the hotel's name...

what about the All Your Base Joke?


 

Origianly in the fic "The Butterfry Effect:
(Leela #3 turns, glances back for a split second, then makes her decision to sprint towards the door. Finally a Grivakk notices whats going on)
Grivakk 2: (Pointing Hysterically) Some one set us up the bomb!

i posted that here any posts by futuramaooy are made by me. for you its the thread called "AYB quoted in Futurama fanfic." go cheak it out.

AHH!  That bump scared me!  I was like, “Oh, JBERGES must have finally gotten off his lazy ass and updated!  Wait a minute…”  So now I must update…

Anyway, a couple of quick things:

Oingo:  I agree that line is better suited to Zoidberg.  Too bad I wrote him out of the script…

Ooy:  I was talking about jokes in this fanfic alone.  But in fact, I love each and every dorky joke most of all…

Shaucker:  Speaking of, thanks for being as big a dork as I am…
_____________________________ __

Part 3

(Cut to:  Leela returning with aforementioned ice.  She braces herself before gathering the courage to open the door.  She does so, and to her dismay, discovers the remnants of the boys’ horseplay.  She sighs deeply and tries to shake it off.  Fry is on the bed watching TV, and Bender is clearing out the bar)

Fry:  Intelligent TV sucks.

Leela:  What are you watching?

Fry:  I’m not sure.  It’s kind of like Baywatch, only with more protractors.  What took you so long?

Leela:  The ice machine wouldn’t work until someone flushed a toilet.

Fry (perturbed) :  Great.

(There is an abrupt knock on the door.  Leela opens it, and Dennis is there, a bit out of breath)

Dennis (ill at ease):  Oh.  Hi guys.  I was, just, just checking to see if everything was OK with your room. (pause) And, I see that it is.  I’ll leave you be… (He starts to leave.)

Leela:  Is, uh, everything alright Dennis?

Dennis:  Yeah… yeah… (regains some poise)  I’m sorry.  It’s, it’s been a hectic day for all of us, and I feel bad about what… what problems we’ve caused you.  Listen friends, I really need to get back; I just wanted to check in on you; make sure you’re settled in.  The lab will call in due time.

Fry:  What are you working on, anyway?

Dennis: Me, personally?  Top secret.  Ok, seriously, we’re trying to genetically modify an oak tree to grow oranges… but my attempts so far are fruitless!

(Fry, Leela, and Bender just stare at him) 

Dennis:  Tough crowd.  (he chuckles)  See you later. (He exits)

Leela:  Odd… (She turns to Bender) Bender, easy on the booze, we’re going to have to pay for that.

Bender:  (Finishing a bottle) What?  They owe us after screwing up our day like this. (He starts drinking from a second bottle)

Leela (deadpan):  Well, I can’t argue with that… wait, yes I can.  We’re in no position to make a claim to anything. Under their law, this is normal, and we at least owe it to Dennis to be good guests.

Fry:  Damn straight! (He needlessly opens another bottle and drinks from it, while knocking another bottle to the floor)

Leela:  This isn’t really what I had in mind…

Bender(caustic):  What did you expect?  A fine evening of friendly repartees while sipping cocktails with the Duke of Old York?  Good luck, sister. (He and Fry clink bottles)

Leela (irate):  I guess not. (sigh) You guys are hopeless.

Fry:  Oh, c’mon, Leela!  Have some fun with the gang, like the good ol’ days!

Leela (bitter):  Yes, like all those times I almost died because of you two…

Fry (taken aback):  What’s your problem? Are you still upset about the lamp incident?

Leela (fuming):  All I want is for this to be as uneventful as possible!  Can’t you even act like an adult for less than a day, Fry?

Fry (defensive) :  Ohhh, I see what this is about!  You care more about looking smart than you do about your friends!

Leela:  It’s more than that Fry, I thought by now…

Fry:  I don’t have to take this.  I’m leaving.  You can invite over some Mensans that are more up to your standards.  I’ll be out… stepping on rakes so that they hit me in the face or something.  (He storms out)

Leela:  (Exasperated  moan)  Bender, can you at least see my point?  Sure, you weren’t doing anything outlandish by your standards, but it’s the principle of the thing!

Bender:  All I know is I just lost my drinking buddy, and someone’s gonna have to get him.

Leela: (realization)Yeah… we can’t go losing Fry in case the lab calls.  I’d better stop him. 

(She exits, Bender looks on as the door shuts)

Bender: So, were you going to finish this?  (He points to the bar)  (pause)  Good. (He advances on it)

(Cut to:  Leela spotting Fry outside of the hotel.  He is walking briskly down the sidewalk parallel to a highway ; Leela jogs to intercept him in front of a “Barnes and Noble Gases”)

Leela:  Fry, get back here!  You can’t go running off when the lab might call the hotel at any time.

Fry:  Dennis made it seem like I had plenty of time, but I must have been too stupid to understand him.

Leela (insincere):  Look, we both blew this out of proportion. Fry, I’m sorry.

Fry (muttering): Yeah, you’ll be sorry…

Leela:  Fry, c’mon!  It’s not like I’m going looking to rent a place here…

Fry (muttering): Yeah, you’ll be rent…

Leela: That doesn’t even make sense!

(Camera spin to show: A head in a jar on a futuristic bicycle has been watching them)

William Shakespeare’s Head (haughty):   Technically, it does.  And you can’t possibly be enjoying the irony as much as I am!

Leela (fed up):  Oh, really?

(Leela rather calmly gives Shakespeare’s bike a nudge downhill.  Taken off guard, he careens off the sidewalk and onto the highway headed downward towards exit 2B.  Unable to decide whether to stay on or exit, he slams into the median, and the ensemble randomly bursts into flames)

Leela (earnest):  See, Fry?  I hate conceitedness as much as you do.  And I act irresponsibly sometimes, too, I guess.  All I was saying back at the hotel was… (she turns)  Oh.

(Fry is long gone.  Leela sighs, and pauses, unsure of what to do next.  Suddenly, there is a roaring thud and rumble from somewhere nearby.  Leela looks around to see where it came from, then dashes towards the Hotel Californium)

(Cut to: the hotel hallway.  Leela arrives to see the room’s door is no longer there.  In fact, the room, and only that room has been exploded to pieces.  Bender is calmly lying on the rubble with the last surviving drink, a bit dented)

Leela:  Bender!  What happened here?!

Bender:  I don’t know!  I hadn’t even gotten to stealing yet, and out of nowhere some sort of missile blows the whole place up!

Leela:  Are you OK? 

Bender (Pointing to himself):  Nothing breaches this sexy metal shell! (pause) It was hilarious!  Everything collapsed!  (he laughs)

Leela:  How is that funny?!

Bender: Huh?

Leela (sarcastic):  I guess I had to be there, right?  (awareness)  If I was here, I might have died!  And I was supposed to be here!

Bender:  You’re right, that is funnier!  (More laughter)

_____________________________ __


Now, I descend upon a crappy few weeks of college, wherein I must be severely tested in every subject, proving the already known fact that I have learned nothing taught so far.  I'll try to write when I can, so expect another update in 2-5 weeks.

Comments, critiques, and suggestions would be great.  Does everyone seem in character so far?  I hope so...

 

Originally posted by JBERGES:

What’s your problem? Are you still upset about the lamp incident?

 
So that's what he's named for! Is that a coincidence...if so, lemme laugh harder.

 

Leela jogs to intercept him in front of a “Barnes and Noble Gases”

I love you, man. That's so great.

 

William Shakespeare’s Head(haughty):   Technically, it does.  And you can’t possibly be enjoying the irony as much as I am!

I almost understood this, really. It came to me in a dream and I forgot it in another dream...

 

Leela rather calmly gives Shakespeare’s bike a nudge downhill.  Taken off guard, he careens off the sidewalk and onto the highway headed downward towards exit 2B.  Unable to decide whether to stay on or exit, he slams into the median, and the ensemble randomly bursts into flames

Is this the end of Zombie Shakespeare?
Love the 2B joke. I don't remember my Hamlet...does he crash into the median too?

Wonderful chapter, really in character. I'm having a ball with all these uber-geeky references.

 

Originally posted by boingo2000:
Again: I don't get it.

'Barnes and Noble' is a bookstore, I think, and Noble Gases are a type of gas. Hence, 'Barnes and Noble Gases'.

Sigh. I'm not digging the Fry/Leela bickering. I mean, it serves its plot purpose, and it has some canon precedent, but--I don't know. It feels so... fanfic-y. I enjoy your stuff so much because it doesn't leave that bad fanfic taste in my mouth. It feels more like it's straight from the writers room. If, say, Lewis Morton were replaced by Pun-o the Clown.

It's just... If it gets all tied up in a shippy little bow at the end, I'll be disappointed. I know your stories are all stand alones (no Futuramaverse for you, right?), but if this ends like two out of its three predecessors, it'll be sort of like slipping into a formula. I'd much rather see some exclusively frivolous, light hearted Bearer of Bad News style stuff for a while than have every (admittedly very funny) story end with a little somethin' somethin' for us saps (which, again, I admit you're very good at). If it doesn't go all shippy, then that stuff (especially "It’s more than that Fry, I thought by now…" unless my subtext detector's on overdrive again) will feel like a plot contrivance that didn't quite get adequate closure.

I don't know. Maybe the almost three week break has caused me to underestimate you. Maybe I shouldn't be posting when I'm tired, stressed, and mopey. I'm sure whatever comes next will be well worth the wait (Good luck with the tests, man! I'll psychically send you any extra brain power I can scrounge up. And advil), and you'll find a way around the little dilemma I just laid out. Just, you know, trying to give you my honest reactions and junk.

Also (without quote tags, 'cause this post is too long already)... I really enjoyed: Baywatch with more protractors, the lamp incident (are you trying to lure him here?), Barnes and Noble Gases, both the phrase "you'll be rent," and Shakespeare's pun-licious take on it (incidentally, should he be talking in modern English? I know Washington got the occasional "thou" and he was post-Shakespeare. eh, whatever, it's all very inconsistent), 2B, and Bender's closing line.

Please don't take this as a flame. You're totally still one of my favorite PEELers and my favorite fanfic writer.

Late edits are all the rage this year: Since bickering about bickering, while not quite spam, has got to be the most boring thing ever, I say we take this up via E-mail.

*bump*

Thanks everyone for your thoughts.  This next part... this next part was hard to write, and it has taught me something.  Futurama’s style is very character interaction based.  When you go splitting to crew up, it suddenly becomes very hard to make the story graceful, funny, and true to form.  Live and learn I guess.  My apologies if this isn’t up to par, hopefully the next part will go a bit better.  Well, enjoy, it ain’t total crap.     

_____________________________ ______
Part 4

Bender:  You’re right, that is funnier!  (More laughter)

Leela (fearful):  We’ve been set up, Bender.  I don’t think Dennis is the man we thought he was.

Bender:  (gasp) You mean… he’s a woman?  Just when I think I’ve-

Leela (interjecting):  No!  Think about it Bender; it all makes sense now!  Dennis took us on the tour to get us away from the ship.  He brought us back after that phone call and we find the ship gone. Then he moves us to this hotel, and later checks to make sure we’re all here, then the place explodes.  He tried to kill us!

Bender: Hey now, don’t be so hasty. I’m not one for jumping to conclusions…

Leela: Bender, you-

Bender (cross):  How dare you even suggest that!  Anyway, I think you might need to go talk to this gal before you get all freaked out.

Leela:  I guess you’re right. We need to get to the bottom of this, and Fry’s still out there somewhere…  C’mon Bender, we’d better keep moving.

Bender:  You know, I’d really want to if I didn’t.  You’re forgetting something. They think we’re dead!  I’m stayin’ right here.

Leela (impatient):  Fine.  You stay here and don’t help me.  I’ll pick you up later assuming I don’t die. (she leaves)

Bender (preoccupied):  Yeah see you then.

(Bender stretches out on the pile of rubble and takes a sip from his drink)

Bender: Heh-heh.  Ahhhh… Life is good.

(Cut to:  Fry being kicked off of a bus.  He lands in a heap on the sidewalk)

Driver:  And don’t go stealing a ride again, you bum!

Fry:  I keep telling you, I don’t even know what a metric dollar is!

(The bus drives away)

Fry (dismayed): I can’t get anything right today.  Maybe Laura was right…

(Fry sighs and dusts himself off.  He walks down the road a step or two, then notices something nearby)   

Fry:  Hey, that’s the lab we landed in!  I wonder what Dennis is up to…

(Fry walks past Gauss’s Pizza, (“$√2 per slice!  Our prices are irrational!”) and towards the lab) 

(Cut to:  Leela walking down the street)

Leela:  Ok, I just need to get back to the lab.  The ship should still be there; maybe I can get a lock on it.

(Leela punches some buttons on her wrist computer)

Wrist Computer:  Planet Express ship, 21,202 miles due west.

(Leela stares blankly at her wrist, then turns around and hits a button again)

Wrist Computer: Planet Express ship, 1.3 miles due east.

Leela (dry): Oh, nice one.   Everyone’s just been so useful today.

Wrist Computer:  Turanga Leela’s Tetris high scores… deleted.

Leela (saddened):  Ohh… (she starts walking)

(Cut to: Bender, relaxing on the pile of rubble)

Bender (singing):  They all love Bender!  B-E-N-Der!  Ben-D-E-R! Bender!  Everyone!  B-E-N-D-E-R!  Now in Spanish!  (pause)  B-E-N-D-E-R!

(Cut to:  Fry, arriving at the lab’s side entrance.  He tries the door, but finds it locked)

Fry:  Damn.

(He climbs up a flight of stairs to what appears to be a fire escape on the second floor.  He tries this door, and it is also locked)

Fry:  Damn!

(He runs back down the stairs to the door that he started at, and tries to open it again)

Fry:  Damn! There’s no way in!  (He thinks)  Unless…

(He climbs the flight of stairs to the fire escape door.  He tries the door, which opens easily, and casually enters)

(Cut to:  Fry walking down a hallway.  He nonchalantly grabs a lab coat and a clipboard from a stack that reads, “All scientists must wear lab coat and fervidly carry a clipboard”)

Fry:  (looking at the unfamiliar surroundings) Ugh... I’m never gonna find Dennis…

Scientist 1 (off screen; shouting):  Hey!  Wait!

Fry: Uh-oh.  (He dives into the nearby cartful of lab coats) (Pleased)  Heh-heh.  He’ll never find me in this hiding spot right next to where he just saw me.

(Camera zooms out; the scientist, staring at his clipboard, walks right past the cart to talk to another scientist slightly further down the hall)

Scientist 1:  Sorry to bother you, but, uh, (he looks around) has everything been taken care of?

Scientist 2:  Boss says we’re all ready, Norman.  The ship’s been modified, and the interlopers have been neutralized.

Norman:  Excellent, then all that is left is to announce the plans to the rest of the lab.

Scientist 2: How do you think they will react to the news?

Norman:  Earth is but a typo in the thesis of this universe, Gene.  We are simply the spellchecker.

Gene:  What? 

(Norman points to a nearby sign that reads, “Please only use metaphors while discussing any evil plans”)

Gene: Oh right.  Well, if anything, it will be a large step forward in military science.  Just imagine; a mobile device that can completely eradicate a planet, but leaves no trace of it at all.  There’s a large market for something that convenient.

Norman:  Indeed.  It’s our largest marketable undertaking since the development of the off-topical cream. We’ll be rich, and carry out certain plans for the ignorant people of Earth in the process! (He cackles, and starts to leave)  I’ll see you at the unveiling!
 
(Norman heads back past Fry’s cart as Gene exits through a door.  A beat.  Fry pops his head out of the cart)

Fry:  Oh no!  Some secret evil science club is going to fix Earth’s spelling… or something.  Now I really need to find Dennis, he’ll know what to do.

(Fry leaps left out of the cart, forcing the wheeled container to roll to the right.  The camera follows it until it catches up with a still chuckling Norman, and bumps him down a flight of stairs.  He falls off camera)

*smack* tumble-tumble *THUD*

Norman (off camera):  Oh great.  Now I’m unconscious…

(Cut to Bender, on the pile of rubble.  His drink is now empty)

Bender (singing):  …1100100 bottles of beer on the wall, 1100100 bottles of beer!  If Bender were to drink just one and not all, 1100011 bottles of beer on the wall! (he stops) …this bites. (he gets up)

________________________

I’ve spared you all what I consider to be the nerdiest joke yet, but I’ll probably put it in the next part.  Until then, please give your thoughts and critiques, even if they’re not positive.  I think Tongue Luck has helped me out quite a bit, so extra thanks to her. 

EDIT:  Hey, it's SlackJaw's Birthday!  I mean, I planned on updating because it was his birthday.

More EDIT:  Oh yes, and when I had writer's block, I tried some fan art instead.  Might as well post that here too.

Great new addition to the story! When will the next part be here?

Wonderful! Laugh out loud funny, and there were so many great jokes in it. I liked Bender being Bender, and the joke with the doors made me laugh, as well as "Our prices are irrational" and the meatphors. Now I have to reread it so I actually know what's going on. (It's been a while.  ) Keep up the great work!

Agh! It is up to par, it's not even partial crap, you made the characters damn funny without company, and I'm not even mentioning those frickin' brilliant signs! Other than... just now. And probably later. Whatever. The point is, if you don't lay off the modesty a little, I'm going to step on you! Oh, also, the picture's pretty.     

Originally posted by JBERGES:
Bender (cross):  How dare you even suggest that!  Anyway, I think you might need to go talk to this gal before you get all freaked out.

I usually don't like jokes like that, with the obvious setups, but that one was great. I think it's because you brought back the "he's a woman" thing immediately afterward, which I wasn't expecting. Well done!     

Fry (dismayed): I can’t get anything right today.  Maybe Laura was right…

The sad thing is, my thought process totally went, "Huh? Who's Laura? Did I forget someth-Oh. I get jokes." I love when jokes make me feel like an idiot. Speaking of, I didn't get the fire escape door thing. Help? Someone?     

Wrist Computer:  Turanga Leela’s Tetris high scores… deleted.

Leela (saddened):  Ohh… (she starts walking)

See, this is what I was saying about you not leaving that bad fanfic taste in my brain. When you do a quick callback, you have a new take on it instead of just repeating the joke in a different context.     

Heh-heh.  He’ll never find me in this hiding spot right next to where he just saw me.

     

Some secret evil science club is going to fix Earth’s spelling…

Looks like there's something good about this lack of character interaction. It gives you a perfect opporunity for some illogically hillarious Fry soliloquizing. Magnificent!   

off-topical cream

What a fitting pun for PEEL! Did I tell you about my dead fish? Hey, the guy sitting next to me has brown hair. What's up with that?   

I’ve spared you all what I consider to be the nerdiest joke yet, but I’ll probably put it in the next part.

You'd better, you curiosity-inducing cad! If you don't, I'm going to step on you.     

(Fry walks past Gauss’s Pizza, (“$√2 per slice!  Our prices are irrational!”) and towards the lab)

I think this officially confirms my theory that I have a psychological need to have at least one negative comment, even when there are no nits to pick. Love the joke, but would you consider putting some other number in the radical? When it comes to Futurama, root 2 is forever tied to Morbo and Linda for me. Unless the square root of two was more important to this Gauss fellow than the other irrational numbers. Was it?     

Bender (singing): 1100100 bottles of beer on the wall, 1100100 bottles of beer!  If Bender were to drink just one and not all, 1100011 bottles of beer on the wall!

Hee! I think it'd be better if it started with 1100011 instead of 1100100, though, so it would translate to 99 instead of 100. I always hear the song starting with 99 bottles, and a Google search for "bottles of beer on the wall" (mostly) agrees with me. 66207896, 1001, and Aleph One show up in the first ten results, but the rest are 99. 100 does show up once in the next ten, but the other nine say 99. Ow! The numbers!

I miss EvilLunch. If she doesn't show up soon, I'm going to step on JBERGES.

He couldn't get anything right, today...

<For total lack of subtley, highlight spoiler!>

Thanks everyone, I'm grateful that you show me the parts that you like and tell me the characters are on target, it gives me some confidence and direction.

Individual responses for everyone…

Shaucker:  Always true to your word I see!  Gauss is a famous mathematician, that's all; no specific reference. And that directional joke isn't really impressive, seeing as I chose an arbitrary circumference for the planet Mensa.  Best of luck with your busy schedule.

Tongue Luck:  I stand by the fact this section was a bit choppy, but I guess it wasn’t as bad as I thought. That door joke wasn’t supposed to make sense.  It’s just a take on the old joke of the stupid guy (i.e Homer) doing the same thing twice and expecting a different outcome.  This time, it actually works.  I guess I could make it &#8730;3 per slice, though that’s not too good of a deal anymore… And also, I originally had Bender counting from 99, but that gives us 1100011 to 1100010.  Upon review, that works for both binary and decimal, so I switched it up to make sure the joke was clear.  I miss EL too; she must come back so that Vee, Lee, and Ree can be united again.

M0le:  “We’ll have to use meatphor…” “What’s meatphor?”  “For cooking and eating you twit!”  Thanks for your comments; I’m not quite sure what direction I’m going to go with Bender yet…

Layla:  Thanks for coming out of lurking to comment, glad you liked it. I await more of your work as well.

zomit:  Oh… 2 to 5 weeks, as always.  That takes into account my busy schedule, my rampant writers block, and my obsessive-compulsive editing process.  Like I said though, I promise to finish this story.

SlackJaw:  Yes, happy 20th.  That just sounds old, doesn’t it?  Gah, I’m turning 20 next!  *Suffers 2/7th life crisis* I think the unconscious joke was my favorite of the section, to give you a clue of what my weird sense of humor is like.

Venus:  Slackjaw answered you before I could.  Glad to see you’re still reading, and tormenting others with tiny sections of fanfic.

EL:  Oh wait, you don’t come by no more. *lone tear falls*