Okay people, you've known for a long time what a fine evil overlord you would make. Since PEEL does in fact control the fate of nations, we need to have an organized campaign wherein you will prove your greatness and list the many reasons why Peel should bow before you and grant you supreme overlordship of the western world.

Name yourself, the title you aspire to, your platform, reforms you wish to see enacted, who you will crush beneath your bootheel (or sandalheel if you're VF), and so on.

After the candidates have identified themselves and made their intentions clear, debates, deathmatches, poop-flinging contests may ensue. Expect it all to culimnate in a vote for Supreme Overlord/Dictator/Speaker/President/Idiot Savant/Oracle of PEEL!

I'll guess that Tally post was made by TMC.

I'm an incredibly unfair man. I'm the great GPT. There isn't one person who I don't hate, and if I'm elected for Supreme Jesus I'll be sure you all get exactly what you deserve. I believe that poetic justice rules everyone, so, to weed out the population of the world, I shall create a place where you select one of two doors. One lays instant death of you and your family, the other, continues your life, and, you get to a exempt-deal*. At the hours of 7 Central to 3:30 Central is a great time in which you send bomb letters to my school to get me out. When I am elected, I will make sure no man is discriminated against. If someone spells badly, I'll get someone to install a typing help prog on their computer. Best of all no hypocritical cops, they will all be thrown into a furnace, along with teachers and Kerry. Though, Doc Thunder of course does not get this punishment. All will follow my laws, because at all times, a random area will be selected for viewing, and the person who commits the crime, no matter how small, will die. So you can't take any chances, and if it does happen in a non-viewed area, you will have learned your lesson.
Vote GPTazi Party!


*excempt-deal:when you can break one law, any law, without punishment, rewarded for many things, including my first test.

My current opponent, also known among friends as Guineapig "No Penis" Trick, is much too liberal in his campaign promises. Elect M0le as Gravy Boat Warlord of PEEL and we'll start with some changes around here.
 We'll elimate all moderators, for one. We'll cast every single one of those peace loving do-gooders into one of the lesser chatrooms, where spelling errors and flaming are the #1 past times of its occupants. All PEElers who registered before the date of November 21st 2003, will be forced to fight each other in a deadly duel to the death, just like all those TV shows and movies. But this fight to the death will be cooler 'cause it's gonna have naked chicks and robots.
Now, back to the topic of my current opponents. Tallywhacker obviously has some serious brain damage and needs help. Mandatory free love? The man needs to be locked up with lobotomized monkeys for his own safety. His crazy liberal views really piss off God, and I'm here to make sure that we get to attack whoever the fuck we feel like with no consequences whatsoever.
Guineapig "No Penis" Trick seems like a nice, moderate conservative like myself. But he harbours deep liberal views and must be stopped, 'cause God wants me to win.

VOTE M0le FOR GRAVY BOAT WARLORD IN 2004! GOD WANTS ME TO WIN!

EDIT: Oh, and don't vote for Nerd-o-rama. He's a dirty communist.

Vote for me.

You all know that I'm a cunt (sorry, VF. There's no other substitute for that word), and that I'm unlikely to stop being one in the near future. I'm a mercilessly blunt bastard, with a heart of hate and a burning desire to wipe out all life.

These are good qualities for a despot. I'll show no mercy, I'll relentlessly advocate those I approve of, and I'll conveniently brush aside all issues that I don't think merit my time.

Reforms will include the reworking of the Justice system. Under me, criminals will be branded according to the anture of their crime. For example; Murderers will have "M" branded onto their face. Theives will have "X" branded onto their hands, and rapists will have their genitals removed, branded with the word "rapist", and displayed in the International Criminal Deterrent Gallery. Attendance once a year is mandatory.

Medical care will be available to all. Slaves work better when they're in good health.

Unemployed persons will be sent to prison, which will be revamped. Prison will now be a mobile labour camp, hired out at cheap rates to companies who need drones to perform hard labour. Coalmines could be re-opened!

Sterilisation of pubescent children will be enforced. It can be reversed, providing that they meet minimum criteria for the granting of a childrearing license. Criteria to include:
Mature attitude. Large income. High IQ. No criminal record. Beliefs in line with current government position on any major social issues.

The state will grant stipends to those citizens who show good practise in all areas of their lives. The state will know when good practise is being followed, because of the tracking tags, flying spy cameras, hidden microphones, and brain monitoring chips employed by the Behavioural Intelligence Agency.

Alcohol and other drugs will all be legal, but very strictly controlled. Anybody whose bio-feedback unit reports excessive use of any drug will be rounded up by the BIA, and executed live on television. Watching the Execution Hour will be compulsory. It will be broadcast on all channels.

Anybody who disagrees with the government, or government methods will be lobotomized. Lobotomy patients will be kept in a secure facility, where paying guests can come and be reminded of how much worse thigns could be, if they deviated from the official Behavioural Guidelines issued by the government.

When a citizen has a birthday, the government grants them a request. They can request absolutely anything. If it's possible to acheive within the limits of the law, or outside the law but in a manner beneficial to the gevernment, then it is permitted. The birthday festivities will be covered by a ngovernment approved journalist.

Taxation will be abolished, on the understanding that should the government need anything, or require anybody to do anything, then it will have it, or have it done. Without charge. Without question. This includes me going into a restaurant, and as the head of state, having a free lobster dinner. Of course, the loyalty shown by the restaurant manager in giving me the dinner will be construed as a spontaneous gesture of love for the government. Widely reported, it will also put the owner in a position to receive a governemnt stipend for the cost of the meal. The actual money will be confiscated from a bank or something. They have far too much cash.

In fact, that's a point. All banks will be absorbed by the government. Their massive profit margins will eliminate the need for tax, and also allow the government to occasionally pay for things.

People will live for eighty years. Upon reaching eighty, they will be given a lethal dose of morphine. Their corpse and estate will be used to further the cause of the party.

Those who die before eighty will cede their estates to their kin, amongst whom any unused years of life will be divided. Therfore it will be possible to get past eighty without being bumped off by a sexy nurse.

Another good point. There will be no unsexy nurses.

Anybody who tries to make war on me will be nuked. No exceptions.

Cats will be venerated to the extent that they were in Egypt, thousands of years ago.

The space program will be the main focus and objective of the entire human race, to expand my influence to the stars and beyond.

There will be a weekly competition. The hardest working worker will receive a weeks paid holiday in the destination of their choice.
The worst and most ineffective five workers will be sexually abused by men dressed as sharks.

Everybody will get the porn channels, free.

That's pretty much it. As I see it, these are sensible policies for a happier universe.

Vote for me. I'm a complete shit.

My plan? turn everyone I hate into Michael Jackson and put them and their kids in a nightmare Neverland Ranch, from where no one can escape.

...okay Luis gets a time-out also.  Wait.  Yes.  No.  I don't get it.  Was he being mean?  Or the opposite of mean?  My brain hurts.

By the way, when stuff like this happens, everybody in the world will vote so I know what people are talking about.

Mango : That was the idea 
Tnuk : We're all already voting you for biggest piece of human shit who's ever lived, so hang in there. Tnuk for BPOHS 2004!!!

Well, TNUK's got my vote for three reasons.

1) Once again, his post beats the Hell out of mine in coherency and style.
2) I'm too lazy to fully formulate a plan for overlordship, and
3) I'm a natural born asskisser, and those would do well in TNUK's government.

I'm shocked that so few of you, however, have actually conceived plans for gaining your overlordship.  After all, getting there is half the fun.

Nerd-o-rama's 12 step plan to Conquering Earth (without really trying):
1) Graduate from college with a BSCS.
2) Get a job with Microsoft while I'm in graduate school, to learn the ways of evil firsthand.
3) Get a doctorate and/or a business degree.
4) Start my own software design firm with venture capital bilked from my rich shuyster roommate.
5) Sue Microsoft for all it's worth with my rich shuyster roommate.
6) Gain a monopoly over government networking/software needs by actually selling them decent stuff at reasonable prices instead of the shitty, overpriced 80's era crap they have now.  Either that or sell shitty, overpriced 80's era crap to North Korea, but that's a different plan.
7) Use my various backdoors in the government's software to gain incriminating evidence against our leaders.  This and some cash will get me anything I want in Washington.
8) Assassinate rich shuyster roommate.  He knows too much.
9) Use the vast profits from other sectors of my business (I'm thinking Game Development, mostly) to buy out major media outlets.
10) Use my influence over America's leaders to begin an all-out military offensive against the other powers in the world.  Many will die, but people will still support the war because my news networks tell them too.  Any dissident Bloggers will be rounded up by the Department of Homeland Security.
11) Eventually, America will emerge victorious, because no other country will be secretly ruled by an inhuman tyrant who cares nothing for the lives of his soldiers.  Except North Korea, but they suck.
12) I am now Overlord of Earth.  Again, though, TNUK can have the job, as long as I get one of them stipends and don't have to do any actual work.

My two-stage guide to conquoring Earth:

1. Get Nerd-o-rama to do it for me, then take over from him.

2. Give Nerd-o-rama a massive stipend to keep him happy.

Since Luis is offering free sex buddies to people, I guess I'll have to go one better. Since we will have no unsexy nurses, and also free healthcare, sex will be a prescribed treatment for dissatisfied citizens. Lots of flithy hardcore sex. However you like it best.

Of course, by registering as a dissatisfied citizen, you will automatically be noted as a candidate to be assessed for a lobotomy. But you'll be getting laid so often that you'll not even care.

I'm going have to look at that picture while hocked up on drugs...

I'll the follow the guy, who makes every drug known to man legal... make it free also.

Fine peelettes and... peelers, you all know me and know what i stand for, and now i can reveal that i plan to implant everyone with a chip that will fry your brain should i die, assasinated or otherwise, and that chip will also make you all love me in a non-sexual sense (with a few exceptions). What's more important, the issues on this election haven't been dealt with by my opponents. Are they afraid? are they cowering in a corner? are they just as dumb as Zoidberg? i don't know, but, i have more campaign promises

1.- Booze will be appointed boss of the free liquor branch and then fired for drinking it all, we shall then roast him in a fire if he doesn't flare up

2.- Homerjayla will solve the energy crisis by farting all the fuel we need

3.- Mango will be given her own position as chairwoman of cute torturing

4.- Both Tnuk and Nerd-o-Rama will be given huge estipends and a third of the world each

5.- Futurama will be aired again...

Also, Evan and DrThunder's heads will be removed and filled with salty peanuts

Gir : Waffles!

Allow me to counter Evan, Luis, and DrThunder88 with one word:

why do i have the compulsive need to vote for totalnerduk?
shoot me please...

I am futurefreak aka Randi, fed up with all the incompetent people in the world like the rest of you. Thus i propose the following:

*send all the incompetents on a rocket to the sun (unfortunately that may or may not include a lot of you, whoever i deem incompetent)

*meand my followers will inhabit an island, country, planet, whatever, where most will be slaves, the lucky will sit in the seat of authority with me.

*i will serve as a just leader (just for me, anyways)

*everyone will be allotted necessary supplies/food. Please note that clothing does not fall in this category.

*everyones number one job will be to please me. if you infuriate me there will be severe consequences (see asterisk 1)

that is all for now, the rest will be published in my book, My Utopia

Ladies and Gentlemen, it is indeed a sad day for the world when you get to choose your Corrupt Despot and yet nobody tells you how you, the people, are going to profit from it. Sure, my opponents might mention some buzz words hoping that you're going to vote for them, but ask yourself: Where is

your profit?
This is why I've decided to back up my candidation with a simple plan to show how you, the people, will profit from me being your Corrupt Despot. It consists of only 3 steps, and those steps are:

• I become your Corrupt Despot.
• ...
• Profit.

[/b]

Thank you.

Vote SpacemanSpiff - because you deserve it.

Everyone except the following will be killed:

- a small amount of farmers and other people to produce food for me and my servants
- scientists, they're ok
- a small amount of game developers to keep me entertained

Vote termos, or kill yourself, because the probability that you'll survive under my rule is very small.

 

Originially posted by Zedoljev Zed 85
Rule with a caring hand. Most of the rest of you are just asking for open revolution.

Y'see, that's why I advocate a behind-the-scenes, Dick Cheney-style depostism.  Let some other bastard take the bullet while you and your ideals live on. 

Originally posted by Luis
Both Tnuk and Nerd-o-Rama will be given huge estipends and a third of the world each

TNUK: I think Luis is afraid of us...

And finally, RavenStar.  Does your Overlord of Homeland Security office include daily stripshows by the Overlady (FJ, that is, not you) herself?  'Cause if so, I'll consider switching my vote to you.  Because under you, humanity won't survive, but it'll be fucking entertaining for about two weeks.

Lamp's Big List Of Reasons Why You Should Make Him Your Overlord

-I already own the rant thread and you guys never had any problems with that, right?
-I will abolish those who oppress our right to free speech, those fucking cunts.
-I'll make sure that our tax dollars go to worthy causes like making more hands-on programs for schools, funding for inner cities, and more actual music in music stores. No more pop shit, no more blowing our budget on pay raises for Congress or increasing our already powerful defense.
-[Doug Funnie]Free candy and soda![/DF]
-Quicker response action on trolls. A new user giving you shit? I'll give you a free pass to send him the Blaster virus.

Also, here's my freeform cabinet:

Vice-president: TNUK
Treasurer: Guineapig Trick(this kid can really beat up kids for lunch money)
Secretary of general knowledge: Ben
Secretary of sarcasm: Dr. Thunder
Secretary of keeping all those damn middle schoolers in line: Y_L_B
Secretary of rocking out loud: canned eggs
Secretary of history: Spice Weasel
Secretaries of political debate: evan, Nerd-o-rama
Campaign manager: alexvilagosh
Boob inspector: Kloudes