Maybe we need to resurrect joke’s thread, though I don’t know a lot of English jokes, I translate some of odd Russian political jokes. Just to find out if we have similar sense of humor 
One of the best political jokes that I recently heard on one of our TV channels. On the quite oppositional channel:
Q: Why, if our economic is in so bad condition and army is weak, <insert your own complaints>. Why so many people still feel sympathy to Putin?
A: Because of the Stockholm syndrome…

Also one about Chechen war, not so funny though:
The reformation of Russian army is progressing very fast! Yes, really, we already have small mobile groups of well armed very professional soldiers! Sadly, they are all in Chechnya now, and for some strange reason acting against regular army…

  Good time, it was...

i bet saddam will choke hard on the pretzel-condition...
sorry. lame pun, i know. but i couldn't resist.

Funny thing about the coup of 1991 was you had big huge T-72s and T-80s storming through Moscow... stopping at red lights and asking pedestrians and fellow "road users" for directions.
 

A guy sits down in a bar. He orders a beer and suddenly he hears:
"Thats some nice slacks you're wearing."
He looks about to see where it came from, but sees nothing. He drinks his beer and orders another. Then he hears:
"Thats a darn nice tie you got there too."
He whirls around, but still finds nothing. Finishing that beer, he orders a third. Then he hears:
"One of the nicest haircuts I've seen in a while buddy."
He looks down and realizes the voice is coming from the bowl of peanuts on the counter! He asks the bartender:
"Hey! Whats with the peanuts! They keep telling me how nice I look!"
"Well of course sir." Replies the barkeep, "They're complimentary."

Cute jokes. 

How do you get an one-armed swedish-dude from a tree?

 A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon.

"Care to go upstairs and do it?" the husband asked.

"Shh!" said the bride "All the neighbors will know what we're about to do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in code. For example, how about asking, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' instead?"

So, the following night, the husband asks, "I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open, did you?"

"No, I definitely shut it," replied the wife who rolled over and fell asleep.

When she woke up however, she was feeling a little frisky herself and she nudged her husband and said, "I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?"

"No, thanks," said the husband. "It was only a small load so I did it by hand."

Heh, we tell that Swedish one about Kerrymen here in Ireland.

How do you confuse a Kerryman?

How do you confuse a Kerryman again?

Did you hear about the Kerryman who burnt his leg?

(The Swedish cleaning help to the museum director):

"Sir, I'm very sorry, but I accidentally broke that vase at the China exhibit while I was cleaning today."

- My God! That vase was hundreds of years old!

"Oh thank lord!" the cleaning help said, taking a breath of relief. "I thought it was new!"

A duck walks into a bar and says:
'Do you have any bread?'
The bartender looks and says:
'We dont serve bread here. What do you want to drink?'
The ducks says:
'Do you have any bread?'
The bartender says:
'Look, I've already told you, we dont sell bread in here. Now I'm gonna go serve this other customer and when I come back to you I want you to ask me for a drink instead'
So the bartender walks off and serves this other guy and comes back to the duck and he says:
'Right, what would you like?'
The duck says:
'Do you have any bread'
So the bartender says:
'Right I've just told you, now I'm gonna give you one more chance after I've served this customer to ask for a drink or I'm gonna nail your beak to the bar!'
So he goes and serves another customer and comes back to the duck and says:
'Right, what would you like?'
The duck says:
'Do you have any nails?'
'No' the bartender replied.
'Oh good' said the duck 'Do you have any bread?'

 

That was told to me on Tuesday by a person who works at the same place as me 

Hehe, that's actually pretty funny   

A blonde woman walks into a bank in New York and asks for a loan of $20,000. The bank manager says that they will need some insurance on that, so she gives them the keys to her Rolls which they park up and she leaves with the loan. 2 weeks later comes back and hands back the $20,000 plus interest which came to $15.70. The manager says "Thanks" and hands back the keys, but asks "We have looked on your record and found that you are married to a billionaiare. Why would you need to take out a loan?" and the woman replies "See if you can find somewhere to park your car for two weeks for $15.70".

A man walks into a bar. Ouch!

^ Classic! 

We've got our great local confusing place names. There Slough (pronounced Slaow, not Sluff), then there's Southall which can be prunounced South-all or Suthul, and to make matters worse, the train station sign there is in a foreign language!

Then there's Llanfairpwllgwyngychgogerychr wyndrobyllllantysilliogogogoc h in Wales 

Oh I forgot Bicester, which is pronounced Bista. I thought it was Bichester. Meh

 

Originally posted by Kryten:
I bet in Sweden they tell the same joke about Danes.

Yeah, they do. Bastards. Then again we tell the joke about Norwegians, so it's a nice little circle.

  Brilliant, Ricky.

A guy walks into a bar, and get a few pints. Soon he is drunk, and starts to bully a quiet Japanese businessman sitting beside him. The Japanese try to slide away, but the guy follows, and ask if he has the guts to take it outside. After much pressure they Japanese accepts.

They go outside, and within seconds the guy lie unconscious on the ground. After he wake up, he go back inside, find the Japanese and ask what the hell happened. "Oh, that was something from my homecountry", the businessman answer, "karate." The guy is impressed and pipe down, for a while. But soon his confidence returns, and he wants to have another fight with the Japanese. Once more it only takes a few seconds before he is down.

Coming back in he once more want to know what happened, "I watched out for your karate moves" he said. "That was something else from my homecountry, jiu-jitsu." Okay, the guy settles down for an hour, then he is back again.

The guy walk out the door, confident the Japanese takes his time to finish his beer, before he go outside. Within seconds the Japanese lie unconscious on the ground. Several minutes later he come back in, completely groggy and aks what the happened. "That was something from your homecountry" the guy answers. "From my homecountry?" the Japanese is confused. "Yes, a tyre lever from a Toyota."

Williams Shakespeare walks into a bar, the barman says:

"Sorry mate you can't come in here, you're barred."

 

There's a foxy girl that lives with her parents, but when a guy asks her out, her dad makes sure they don't take advantage of her. Several guys ring in, and dad answers the door.
"I'm a friend of her. My name's Clark, I'm just gonna take her to the park."
:: Doorslam::
"Hi, my name's Nick, we're going to see a flick."
:: Doorslam::
"Hi, I'm Paul. We're supposed to go to the mall."
:: Doorslam::
"Hey, my name is Chuck, and I really wanna-"
::Gunshot::

Doctor Doctor, I feel like a bridge.
-Really? What's come over you?
4 cars, a lorry and a bus

One day, the president is inspecting a hospital with his wife prior to his surgury there. He passes by a door, and sneeks a peek inside. On his bed, a man is masterbating viciously. He is shocked and appalled, and asks the doctor about it.
"Oh him." Replies the doc "He's got a testicular condition. If he doesn't do that 5 times daily, his testicles might explode."
"Good God!" Replied the Prez, and continued the tour. He eventually worked up the courage to check another door. Inside was a nurse giving head to a patient.
"And whats the meaning of this!?!" He demanded.
"Oh him." Said the doc, "Same problem, better health plan.