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Author Topic: Gal You've Never Heard Of Rips Off JBERGES!  (Read 9243 times)
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Gorky

Space Pope
****
« on: 07-18-2004 22:15 »
« Last Edit on: 07-18-2004 22:15 »

They said I couldn't do it! They said I shouldn't do it! They laughed at me and pointed and threw stuff in my general direction! But I didn't listen to the nay-sayers (although now I wish I had).

Anyway, by now you're probably wondering why I'm acting like an even bigger idiot than usual. Well, I'm working on my first, and (for your sake) possibly last fanfic. It's as-of-now nameless, and part of it can already be read here, but I decided that I have a serious need for attention and decided to open up this thread.

As for this fic, it's written in the style of a professional script (me being the aspiring writer that I am), with all the usual mumbo-jumbo. All you really need to know is that INT means "interior", EXT means "exterior", and V.O. means "voice-over" (in other words, that a character is thinking to themself).

So, here's the first three scenes. Please, after you're done (assuming anyone even wants to subject themselves to reading this crap), post your comments, criticism, questions, etc. It would really help me out. Oh, and, JBERGES, I'm sorry for my awful, awful rip-off title that is taken from your thread. I have not one creative bone in my entire being. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to cry in a corner...

-----------------

Opening caption: Almost good enough to be called entertainment!

INT-Planet Express Building-Lounge-Evening  Fry and Bender are sitting on the couch watching TV, amid a coffee table covered in empty beer cans and magazines. They are watching “All My Circuits”, already in progress. Calculon is standing in front of two identical fembots.

                  
CALCULON (on TV)
(holding a gun; obviously melodramatic) But, how can be sure of which one of you is my love, and which one of you is an imposter?!

         FEMBOT #1 (on TV)
(monotone; taking one syllable at a time) That is easy. The real me was manufactured in the greatest country on Earth: Mexico.


The other Fembot (Fembot #2) falls apart after the above is spoken. She lays on the floor, her head above a pile of mechanical parts.

                  FEMBOT #1 (on TV)
         (monotone; one syllable at a time) Awww crap.


Cut To: Fry and Bender, still watching on the couch. Bender is fixated with the action taking place on the TV screen, but Fry is picking his nails, with a worried look on his face. He looks at the clock, then at the door.


                  FRY
(to Bender; concerned and obviously jealous) Sheesh, when’s Leela gonna be back from her date? She’s been gone for almost 3 hours!

BENDER
Beats me, meatbag. Now shut-up, we’re getting to the good part!


Fry SIGHS, then gets up from the couch. He heads over to the Planet Express Kitchen. Bender is still in a trance from the action on the screen, and is oblivious to Fry’s departure.

INT-Planet Express Building-Kitchen-Evening  Fry, still forlorn, opens up the refrigerator and takes out a six pack of SLURM. He looks at the clock on the wall. It reads 9:00.

Close in: On the clock. It still reads 9:00. We hear numerous cans of soda being opened, along with Fry drinking, occasionally burping. The big hand of the clock moves on the clock quickly, until it reaches the “1”. The time is 9:05.

Cut to: Fry. He is sitting at the kitchen table, amid six empty SLURM cans. He looks at the clock, then at the door, then at the clock again.


                  FRY
(looking at clock) Hmmm…it’s 9 o’clock. Well, Leela can’t be out for that much longer; I might as well wait up for her. I’ll wait up all night if I have to. Yup…(yawn) all night…


He stares blankly, his eyelids almost shut. In a split second, his face falls flat on the table. He starts YAWNING loudly.

Close in: On the clock. The time is still 9:05. Fry is still YAWNING--albeit, a bit quieter than before--as the hands on the clock move quickly, until they reach the 9:30 position.

Cut to: Fry, still asleep. His breathing is a bit calmer now. In the background, we can hear the light sound of a door opening. We then hear Leela’s voice.


                  LEELA
(in the background, though audible enough to understand) I had a great time tonight, Noah. (We can hear a short kiss in the background). ‘Night.


After the above is spoken, we hear the sound of two feet walking towards the kitchen. One pair is Leela’s petite steps; the other is Bender’s loud metallic feet CLANKING. After about 3 seconds of this sound, Leela and Bender reach the Planet Express Kitchen. They find Fry, still asleep at the table. His breathing has calmed down by now, and his breaths are barely audible.


                  


BENDER
(RE: Fry ; nonchalant) Well, it looks like he’s dead. Better get him outta here before he stinks up the place.

         LEELA
(rolling her eye) He’s not dead…I’ll prove it.


She walks over to him.


                  LEELA
         (to Bender) I heard that this used to work in the 20th century.


She pinches his nose, covering up his nostrils. After struggling for a while to breathe, he wakes up with a jolt, struggling for air.


                  FRY
         (yelling, not at anyone in particular) Hey! What was that for?!…
(he notices Leela; and becomes much calmer) Leela? Uh…I was just    out here not waiting for you. (trying to sound uninterested) So, how was your date?

         LEELA
(enthusiastic) It was great! We’re going out again tomorrow night!

         FRY
(obviously crushed; timidly) Ahh, I see…

         LEELA
(a bit oblivious to Fry’s remark) Well, I better get home and get some shut-eye. (to Fry and Bender) See ya tomorrow.


She leaves the room. When she’s gone, Bender turns to Fry.


                  BENDER
         (trying to console Fry) Tough break, skintube…

He leaves the room as well, leaving Fry alone. Fry lets out a small SIGH.


INT-Planet Express Building-Conference Room-Morning-Continuous  The entire PE crew is seated at the conference table. (save Hermes, who is standing at the head of the table).


                  HERMES
And those are the 52-and-a-half reasons dat Zoidberg should not be allowed in da snack room.


         ZOIDBERG
(bawling) I thought the Twizzlers were free! I’m sorry! (he puts his head in his hands and starts SOBBING)

         HERMES
Moving on to less important business…(he turns to Fry, Leela, and Bender) You three got to go to get da Planet Express Ship waxed. (to Leela) Here’s 5 dollars. Take her to Vinnie’s All-Purpose Wax Emporium. It’s cheaper den da car wash.


Hermes turns to the rest of the PE crew.


                  HERMES
As for da rest of you, dere’s a new coffee maker in da snack room. Go bask in its caffeinated goodness. (turns to Zoidberg) Except for you, ya dirty lobster!


Zoidberg runs out of the room, sobbing. The rest of the PE crew (save Fry, Leela, and Bender) quickly walk out, apparently heading for the snack room. As they leave, we can hear them ad-libbing such things as “I call first dibs!”, “Liquid Nirvana, here I come!”, etc.


Cut to: Fry, Leela, and Bender. Leela puts Hermes’s five dollars in her pocket. She turns to Fry and Bender.


                  


LEELA
Well, we better get going.


She and Bender head towards the ship. Fry stays at the table for a moment, obviously thinking about something.


                  FRY
         (to Leela) Wait, Leela.


She turns back towards Fry, as Bender continues to walk towards the ship.


                  FRY (con’t.)
Ummm…do you think I can drive the ship? I want to show you that I can do it. Like the time I used it to move the stars around to say “I lo…”


Realizing his mistake, Fry cuts himself off short. Leela looks at him, expecting him to say more, but he just lets out a small SIGH. After a few awkward seconds, Leela heads towards the ship. Fry stays seated at the table.


                  FRY
         (sadly; to himself)…to say “I love you Leela”.


-----------------

So, after you're done vomiting, please tell me what you think.
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #1 on: 07-18-2004 22:39 »
« Last Edit on: 07-18-2004 22:39 »

Hey, as they say, “imitation is the highest form of flattery”
…or is it “stimulation makes the highest form of flatulence”…

Either way, I think your work has potential, and you present it in a very readable style (good for lazy people like me).  As for the plot, there’s not much to go on at the moment, so I’ll abstain from critiquing for now.
 
(I saw your extra preview in the release date thread, and have commented there as well.)

Keep up the good work, and I hope you continue posting your script here.
leelaholic

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #2 on: 07-18-2004 22:49 »

Wow, very nice. It reads like an actual episode!  smile
Shaucker

Professor
*
« Reply #3 on: 07-18-2004 22:52 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Gorky:
 “Liquid Nirvana, here I come!”

Spoken like a true coffee addict. Such rich, heady, roasted goodness must run through your veins. I salute.

oh...and I liked the story. keep up the shippy.
Philp_J_Fry

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #4 on: 07-18-2004 22:55 »

 really good so far
Gorky

Space Pope
****
« Reply #5 on: 07-18-2004 23:00 »

Thanks for the comments, all.  smile I'll probably post a few more scenes tomorrow sometime, so stay tuned.

 
Quote
Originally posted by Shaucker:
Spoken like a true coffee addict. Such rich, heady, roasted goodness must run through your veins. I salute.

Mmmm...coffee.

Shaucker

Professor
*
« Reply #6 on: 07-19-2004 08:14 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Gorky:


 Mmmm...coffee.


Gorky: Now on Shaucker's "Good" list for being a coffee fan. Extra points if you're under eighteen.  smile
darthmonkey32

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #7 on: 07-19-2004 18:36 »

tommorrow tommorrow I want more tommorrow its only a day a way!!! good fanfic


THE UNOFFICIAL JAWA OF PEEL
EvilLunch

Professor
*
« Reply #8 on: 07-19-2004 20:37 »

Hoorah for coffee, and hurrah for your shippiness, which is just as enjoyable as a chilled Starbucks mocha drink.
It's an evil company, sure, but such pretentious deliciousness..!
Gorky

Space Pope
****
« Reply #9 on: 07-19-2004 22:09 »

Again, thanks for the comments (unless you've posted in the wrong thread and your words of praise are for someone else--happens all the time). Now, back by less-than-popular demand, it's the next three scenes!

-----------------

EXT-Vinnie’s All-Purpose Wax Emporium-Day  Leela has just finished waxing the ship, using what looks like a big Q-Tip covered in wax. She throws the Q-Tip in a nearby trash can. The can immediately tips over, but Leela obliviously heads back towards the ship, HUMMING.


INT-Planet Express Ship-Day-Cockpit-Continuous  Leela walks in to the ship’s cockpit. Fry is sitting in his usual spot, feet up above a console, with a depressed look on his face. Needless to say, Leela didn’t let him drive the ship. Bender is reading a magazine, ooohing and awwwing at various things. Leela heads towards the helm. Just as she is about to sit down, she looks back over at Fry. She shakes her head and lets out an almost inaudible SIGH. Then, she turns to Fry.

         

                  LEELA
(to Fry, obviously taking pity on him) Fry…(she takes a small breath) How would you like to take the helm for a few minutes?


Fry’s face immediately brightens. He gets up out of his seat and heads towards the helm, smiling. Before he sits down, he turns to Leela and:


                  FRY
         (to Leela) Thanks Leela. You won’t regret this.

                  
We quickly cut to:


EXT-Leela’s Apartment Building-Day-Continuous  The Planet Express Ship has hit the wall of the building, leaving a gaping hole through the side of it. We can clearly see a door with the Apartment # 1I on it. Fry has crashed into Leela’s apartment. Leela is fuming. Bender is looting the various things that are on the ground, catapulted from the building after impact. Fry is standing mere feet away from Leela; a sorry look on his face.


                  FRY
(to Leela; nervous) I’d like that last remark stricken from the record. (nervous laughter)


Leela gives him an ice-cold stare.


INT-Planet Express Building-Conference Room-Evening-Continuous  The entire PE crew (save Fry) is standing around a sitting Leela, who has her head in her hands, SOBBING. Fry is sitting directly opposite Leela, upset and obviously thinking about something.


Close in: On Leela and the rest of the PE crew (save Fry). She’s still quietly SOBBING. Amy, taking pity on her, speaks up.


                  AMY
         (trying to console Leela) Ohhh,…c’mon, it’ll be okay.


Leela lifts her head up from her hands. Her eye is noticeably red.


                  LEELA
(sniffling) I can’t believe this happened! Sure, the apartment was a little drab, but it had a TV…and a chair…uh, a bed…a bathroom…all the basics! Now I have nowhere to go. And I have a date tonight! What am I gonna do?


She starts SOBBING again. Zoidberg decides to take a whack at consoling Leela.


                  ZOIDBERG
(fatherly tone) There, there, Leela. At least you have friends who’ll take you in. (self-pitying) Not like Zoidberg!


He starts CRYING and runs out of the room. Leela takes her head out of her hands.


                  LEELA
         (sniffling) You know, he has a point.


She turns to Amy.


                  AMY
Sorry, Leela. Despite my vast fortune and high-paying job, I still live with my parents.


Leela turns to Hermes.


                  HERMES
Same here. I don’t think LaBarbara would approve of me bringing home another woman. No sir, not that again…


Leela turns to the Professor.


                  PROFESSOR
What are you looking at me for? I don’t run some sort of bed and breakfast! What do I look like, a Holiday Inn?! I hate you all! I’m going to bed!


He walks away slowly. We hear a bone CRACK.


                  PROFESSOR
         Owww…


Hermes and Amy go to see if the Professor is okay. On the way, we hear Hermes say “Oh great, now I have to get out the ‘Workplace Senility’ accident form!”


Cut to: The Conference Table. Leela puts her head down and starts CRYING again. Bender, the only co-worker still by her side, is about to leave. But suddenly, he looks at Fry, who is still upset. He turns back and looks at Leela, who is still crying. He SIGHS.


                  BENDER
(to Leela) Uhhh…Leela?…(some hesitation) You can come stay with me and Fry.


Leela, shocked, looks up at Bender. Fry walks over to Bender as well.


                  LEELA
         (to Bender) Stay with you?

                  BENDER
         (grabbing Fry) And Fry.


Fry smiles. Leela thinks it over for a second.


                  LEELA (v.o.)
I’m not sure about this. Living in the same apartment as Fry? Who knows what could happen?

Another part of her brain answers.


                  LEELA’S BRAIN (v.o.)
         Exactly what you want to happen.

                  LEELA (v.o.)
         What did you say?

                  LEELA’S BRAIN (v.o.)
         (innocent) Oh, nothing…

                  LEELA (v.o.)
Yeah, whatever. Anyway, what other choice do I have? I have to stay with them. At least until I find a new place.

         LEELA
(to Fry and Bender; aloud) Okay…I’ll do it.


Fry, Leela, and Bender shake on it.


                  LEELA
         I better go pack.


She leaves the room. Fry looks at Bender.


                  FRY
         Why’d you do that?

BENDER
I’ve hung around with you two organisms long enough to know that you’ve got a thing for her.

         FRY
Thanks, Bender. (he hugs him).

         BENDER
Ohhh…just remember this the next time I need a beer.


         FRY
I will buddy.

         BENDER
Great. (pause) Go get me one now.


Fry heads towards the kitchen.


                  BENDER
         I’m too nice for my own good.


He opens up his chest compartment and takes out Fry’s wallet.


                  BENDER (con’t.)
         Hee, hee…

-----------------

Assuming you haven't yet died of boredom, please post comments, criticism, a free coupon for Starbucks (those evil, evil people)...
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #10 on: 07-19-2004 22:29 »

wait, i'm so confused. These last three scenes you just now posted, i know i've read them before. Did you post them somewhere else first?
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #11 on: 07-19-2004 22:30 »

In the fan fiction release date thread. 

Gorky, my comment from there still applies.  Good work otherwise.  Waiting for more...
Gorky

Space Pope
****
« Reply #12 on: 07-19-2004 22:42 »

For clarity, your comment in the other thread was:

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
Gorky: I like your writing as well, but do you think Leela’s mind would be thinking along those lines, never mind expressing itself clearly with such candor, right after Fry screwed up like that?

Like I said in the release date thread, I was worried about that when I was writing that scene. I was trying to convey that Leela knows in her mind that she has feelings for Fry, but she still won't believe that she could possibly be falling for him. And, as we all know, love is blind--in her heart and mind, Leela doesn't care that Fry destroyed her apartment, because it gives her the opportunity to get closer to him. So yes, the idea that Leela's mind can express itself with such clarity and candor (and that it's thinking like that in the first place) is hard to swallow, and I may have to rework that later.

(Also, later on in my fic, Leela's debating with her mind yet again. Although in that case, I think that you'll find it to be more justified and realistic).   
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #13 on: 07-19-2004 22:51 »

a thought occurs...Why wouldn't Leela go stay with her parents for a while?
Gorky

Space Pope
****
« Reply #14 on: 07-19-2004 22:55 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Venus:
a thought occurs...Why wouldn't Leela go stay with her parents for a while?

Actually, that would have been a great idea... I think that that still ties in with the fact that Leela subconciously wants something to happen between her and Fry, therefore she moves in with him. Nah, the real answer is that I didn't consider that. Anyway, I was going for something shippier anyway, so your idea would probably be a more difficult vehicle for a story like that. Still, it's an interesting possibility...

TheLesbianLeela

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #15 on: 07-20-2004 01:02 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Gorky:
Close in: On the clock. It still reads 9:00. We hear numerous cans of soda being opened, along with Fry drinking, occasionally burping. The big hand of the clock moves on the clock quickly, until it reaches the “1”. The time is 9:05.

Cut to: Fry. He is sitting at the kitchen table, amid six empty SLURM cans. He looks at the clock, then at the door, then at the clock again.
Great  laff
 
Quote
Originally posted by leelaholic:
It reads like an actual episode!  smile
I have to agree with what LL said. It is as good as if Matt -future-god- Groening was around to help you writing that fan fiction.  smile
Seriously, I can't wait for a next chapter  smile
 
Quote
“Liquid Nirvana, here I come!”
Hmmm ... coffee  smile
Coffeee... Need some...
*goes to search for some coffee*
zomit

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #16 on: 07-20-2004 02:54 »

Great story so far, Gorky!  smile When will the nest part be released?
Shaucker

Professor
*
« Reply #17 on: 07-20-2004 08:03 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Gorky:         
   ZOIDBERG
(fatherly tone) There, there, Leela. At least you have friends who’ll take you in. (self-pitying) Not like Zoidberg!


He starts CRYING and runs out of the room. Leela takes her head out of her hands.


               
LEELA
         
(sniffling) You know, he has a point.

That's really funny, so much like the show. Keep it up, it's going along great!


Gorky

Space Pope
****
« Reply #18 on: 07-20-2004 14:37 »

Again, thanks for the comments  smile . I'm quite surprised that you all like it so much. Yes...surprised and very pleased.

 
Quote
Originally posted by zomit:
Great story so far, Gorky!   smile When will the nest part be released?

Thanks. Ummm, I'm no where near done with this fic yet (I've been working on it for a rather long time now), but I'll probably post a few more scenes tomorrow or, if I find the time, later on today.

Whew...that was hard work. Starbucks, here I come!

leelaholic

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #19 on: 07-20-2004 18:12 »

Great work, Gorky. Looking forward to more.  smile
Gorky

Space Pope
****
« Reply #20 on: 07-20-2004 21:21 »
« Last Edit on: 07-20-2004 21:21 »

Thanks again, everybody. Now, even though you don't care, back to the show!

-----------------

INT-Robot Arms Apartments-Fry and Bender’s Apartment-Day-Continuous  Fry, Leela, and Bender are deciding on where Leela will sleep.


                  LEELA
         You mean you guys don’t have a guest room or something like that?

                  BENDER
Nope. We don’t even have a bathroom. ‘Cept for that.


He points to a bucket in the corner.


                  LEELA
         Ewww…

                  FRY
         Leela, you could always stay in my room. I’ll sleep on the couch.

                  LEELA
         Fry, that’s very sweet, but…

                  FRY
         No, really, it’s fine. Just let me get my pillow, and then she’s all yours.


Fry leaves to his room. Leela turns to Bender.


                  LEELA
That was so sweet of him. Why does he do stuff like that for me, Bender?


         BENDER
‘Cause he lov…(he cuts himself off) Uh, I mean, I don’t know, what’re you askin’ me for?


He walks away. Under his breath, he says “Stupid human emotions”. As he’s leaving, Fry returns, pillow in hand. He smiles at Leela. She looks at him, pauses for a moment, and then speaks.


                  LEELA
Thanks, Fry, for everything. Not just for giving up your room, but for, you know, everything. You’re the only person who’s ever treated me like a person, not some kind of cyclops. You’re always there when I need a friend. I don’t know how I can thank you.

         FRY
Leela, you don’t need to thank me. Seeing your smile every day is thanks enough.


They look at each other for a moment. Then, as if by magic, the two move closer together. Their lips are mere centimeters apart when…Leela’s wristamajiggy makes a loud mechanical BEEPING sound (awww, man…). She pulls away, and looks at the screen on her wristy thingy.


                  LEELA
(nervous laugh; blushing) Uh, it’s 5 o’clock. Gotta get ready for my date.

      
         FRY
Oh, right…


Leela leaves the room, heading for Fry’s. Fry heads towards the couch, and sits down.


Cut to: Fry’s room. Leela is standing in front of the mirror, fidgeting with her makeup. She makes sure that the bedroom door is shut, and then…


                  LEELA
(talking to herself) I can’t believe I tried to kiss Fry! How could I do that? Why did I do that?


Her brain answers her question.


                  LEELA’S BRAIN (v.o.)
         (teasingly) ‘Cause you like him.

LEELA
         (to her brain) Do not.

                  LEELA’S BRAIN (v.o.)
         Do to.

                  LEELA
         Do not!

                  LEELA’S BRAIN (v.o.)
         Do to!

                  LEELA
         (childishly) DO NOT!!!

                  LEELA’S BRAIN (v.o.)
         Okay then, Miss Smarty Pants, then tell me…Why did you do that?

                  LEELA
         (reluctant) Well, because I…


Just then, a knock on the door is heard, followed by Fry’s voice.


                  FRY
         (depressed) Leela, your date’s here.


Leela looks back at the door, than at the clock.


                  LEELA
Uh, thanks, I’ll be right out. (to her brain) See what you did? Now I’m late for my date!

         LEELA’S BRAIN (v.o.)
(“voice trailing off) Yeah, yeah, it’s always the brain’s fault…


INT-Fry and Bender’s apartment room-Evening-Continuous  Fry and Noah, Leela’s date, are sitting on the couch, waiting for Leela. While waiting, they strike up a conversation.


                  FRY
         She’ll be right out.

                  NOAH
Yeah, well she better hurry up; our reservations are for 7. You know how broads are--it takes ‘em an hour to get ready for everything.

         FRY
You know, Leela’s an amazing person…

         NOAH
“Person”? Have you looked at her lately? The chick’s a cyclops for God’s sakes!

         FRY
(defensive) Now listen here, buddy…

         NOAH
Hey, hey, hey. Whadda you care if I think she’s a cyclops? I’m the one dating her, not you.


Fry lets the words sink in for a moment.


                  FRY
         (sigh) Yeah, you’re right…


Just then, Leela walks out. She heads towards Noah, who is now standing, and Fry, who is standing as well.


                  LEELA
         Fry, this is No…


Noah cuts her off.


                  NOAH
(interrupting) No need to introduce me, honey. “Fry” and I had a nice talk while you were getting ready. And besides, we have to get to the restaurant.


Just then, a RUMBLE of thunder is heard, and then the quiet sound of rain can be heard.


                  LEELA
         Oh man, it’s raining. And I still haven’t unpacked my coat yet.

                  NOAH
         Honey, it’s just a short walk out to the car. I’d give you my coat, but…

                  FRY
         (interrupting) Here Leela, take my coat.


He takes it off, and then walks over to Leela and puts it on her.


                  LEELA
         Fry, you didn’t have to…

                  FRY
         …Leela, it’s no problem, really. (trying to be sincere) Enjoy your date.


Leela looks into Fry’s eyes for a moment (as Fry exchanges the glance), but is pulled back in to reality when…


                  NOAH
         Dear, we really have to get going. (insincere) Nice meeting you, Fry.


Noah pulls Leela away, and they head towards the door. Leela mouths the words “Thank you”, and Fry smiles at her. He continues smiling at her, until both she and Noah are out the door. Then he SIGHS quietly.

-----------------

Sorry I had to subject you to that...


 
leelaholic

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #21 on: 07-20-2004 22:48 »

Oh, geez. There's something in my eye.  cry

Ah. It's just some glass.  smile

Very nice work, Gorky.
Gorky

Space Pope
****
« Reply #22 on: 07-20-2004 22:54 »

Thanks. I hope your eye feels better.  wink
Gorky

Space Pope
****
« Reply #23 on: 07-24-2004 22:29 »

Sorry I'm doing this to you (and sorry about the double post), but...

-----------------

Cut to: Fry sitting on the couch, watching TV with Bender. It’s about an hour later, and “All My Circuits” is on. A funeral is taking place, with Calculon in the casket.


                  ROBOT PRIEST (on TV)
As we are gathered here on this solemn occasion, let us remember the words of the almighty Robo-Jesus. Ahem…10001110000110001100110010…


Cut to: Fry and Bender, on the couch. Fry is obviously thinking about something, while Bender is watching the “action” unfold on screen. Fry SIGHS loudly, obviously trying to get Bender’s attention. When Bender shows no response, Fry COUGHS loudly. Still no response. Fry loudly shouts “AHEM”, and Bender finally comes to attention.


                  BENDER
         WHAT?!

                  FRY
         Sorry, I was just trying to get your attention.

                  BENDER
You were? Sheesh Fry, if you want anyone to pay attention to you, ya gotta stop being so subtle.

         FRY
Less subtle, huh? Well here it goes. BENDER, CAN YOU TURN THE TV OFF SO I CAN TALK TO YOU FOR A SEC’?

         BENDER
Now was that so hard? (he turns the TV off) What’s on your mind, buddy?

         FRY
Bender, I’m worried that this guy Leela’s dating is gonna use her, just like all the other guys she’s ever been with.

         BENDER
So?…

         FRY
So what should I do?

         BENDER
How should I know? What do I look like, an Oprah Bot?

         FRY
I dunno. What’s an Oprah Bot look like?

         BENDER
Look Fry, the point is, I can’t tell you what to do. The only person who can tell you what to do is you. Listen to your heart. (pause) Oh my God, I am an Oprah Bot.

         FRY
You know what Bender--you’re smarter than you look.

         BENDER
And you’re dumber than you sound. Now go get me some booze.

         FRY
Can do.


He heads towards the fridge.

                  BENDER
         Works every time.


INT-Fry and Bender’s apartment-Night-About 10 o’clock  Bender is long since asleep, and Fry is starting to doze off on the couch. He YAWNS, and then is fast asleep.

Close in: On Fry’s head. He is MUMBLING something, and seems to be having a dream. The screen distorts, and we are in Fry’s dream.

In Fry’s dream, we can see his message in the stars “I Love You Leela” (from “Time Keeps on Slipping”). He looks at it, saying:


                  DREAM FRY
That’s how I must have done it! I moved the stars themselves to write her a love note in the sky!


Leela’s voice comes on over the intercom:


                  DREAM LEELA (v.o.)
         Detonation in 3, 2, 1…


                  DREAM FRY
         Nooo!!!

His masterpiece implodes, never to be seen again. He begins crying, thinking that now Leela will never see his message. Suddenly, Leela taps Fry on the shoulder. He looks up, tears in his eyes.


                  DREAM LEELA
         I saw it, Fry.


She locks him in a passionate kiss. It lasts for what seems like forever. Finally, Leela pulls away gently.


                  DREAM LEELA
         I love you…

Suddenly, the screen changes to black. Fry, Leela, and Noah are floating in the abyss.


                  DREAM LEELA
         …Noah.


She locks Noah in the same kiss she had Fry in only moments ago. Fry is obviously crushed.

Cut to: Fry and Bender’s apartment room-Night -about 10 minutes later  We hear the door open, and Leela saying goodbye to Noah. We hear a quick kiss in the background, and the door quietly shuts. Fry remains sleeping on the couch, although he has a distressed look on his face. Leela, trying to be mindful of Fry, quietly heads towards the coat closet.


                  LEELA
         Better put Fry’s jacket back.


She opens the closet door. But, the room is dark, making it hard to see. She reaches for a hanger to put the coat on, but accidentally knocks over a box on the closet shelf. It falls to the floor with a small crash. Leela finishes hanging the coat up, then turns to the box on the floor. Curious, she opens it up. She is in awe of what she sees.


                  LEELA
         Ohhh…


The box, labeled simply “LEELA”, contains assorted knick-knacks--things that remind Fry of Leela. Some of the items include Fry’s wedding ring from “Time Keeps on Slipping”, a few assorted candy hearts from “Love and Rocket” (except for the “U Leave Me Breathless” heart, which he gave to Leela), and the photo of Fry, Leela, and Zoidberg from “The Devil’s Hands Are Idle Playthings”. Leela looks at the contents of the box, then at the sleeping Fry. She gently places the lid back on the box, then places it back on the shelf, with a small smile on her face. She walks over to Fry, and gives him a small kiss on the cheek. The distressed look on Fry’s face vanishes, and is replaced by a small smile. Leela walks away, headed towards Fry’s room.

-----------------

Again, please forgive that thing I call "writing" (and the double post), but you know the rule...You Gotta Do What You Gotta Do (that just means that I felt like it... wink )
Philp_J_Fry

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #24 on: 07-24-2004 22:35 »

GASP awesome   big grin
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #25 on: 07-24-2004 22:39 »
« Last Edit on: 07-24-2004 22:39 »

 
Quote
FRY
I dunno. What’s an Oprah Bot look like?
She keeps having 70 pounds of metal welded onto her stomach and thighs, then melts it off again. Then she welds it back on...   big grin

Keep it up, Gorky.
Gorky

Space Pope
****
« Reply #26 on: 07-24-2004 22:42 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
She keeps having 70 pounds of metal welded onto her stomach and thighs, then melts it off again.  Then she welds it back on...    big grin

 laff That's funnier than anything I could ever write! Seriously, now I think I'm gonna go cry... wink

Anyway, again thanks for the rather misguided, yet very flattering, comments.
zomit

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #27 on: 07-25-2004 01:03 »

Great story, when will the next part be here?  smile
TheLesbianLeela

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #28 on: 07-25-2004 10:29 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Gorky:
FRY
You know what Bender--you’re smarter than you look.

BENDER
And you’re dumber than you sound. Now go get me some booze.

FRY
Can do.

He heads towards the fridge.

BENDER
Works every time.
laff

I can't wait for the next part  smile

*adds Gorky to her list of "Fantastic fan fiction authors"*
Gorky

Space Pope
****
« Reply #29 on: 07-25-2004 17:24 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by zomit:
Great story, when will the next part be here?   smile

Thanks. Again, I don't know when I'll post some more. Probably within the next two or three days, though.

 
Quote
Originall posted by TheLesbianLeela:
*adds Gorky to her list of "Fantastic fan fiction authors"*

I'm flattered. A bit shocked, but flattered. Seriously, thanks.  big grin
Gorky

Space Pope
****
« Reply #30 on: 07-27-2004 22:38 »
« Last Edit on: 07-27-2004 22:38 »

Uh-oh, time for another double-post... Oh yeah, and that unamusing story that's probably caused you all to die of boredom....

-----------------

INT-Fry and Bender’s apartment-Morning-Continuous  Fry and Bender (still in their PJs) are eating breakfast in the “kitchen”, which is essentially a small table with two chairs. Fry is seated, reading the paper, while Bender is standing, drinking something in a tall mug.


                  BENDER
         Mmm…that’s some gooood Pennzoil.

                  FRY
(reading the paper) Oh my God—Mary Worth said ‘damn’! Oh no, wait, that says ‘dawn’. Aww…I thought that old lady finally snapped!


Just then, Leela walks in, wearing a less-than-revealing robe over her pajamas (sorry, boys).


                  LEELA
         G’ Morning. Sorry I slept in so late…I got in at almost 10:30 last night.

FRY
         No problem. (to himself; surprised) Ten thirty?…


She pours herself something from a coffee pot, and than takes a sip. She immediately spits it out, and it splatters all over Bender’s eyes. Undaunted, he cleans it off with a pair of built-in windshield wipers.


                  LEELA
         Sorry, Bender. But what is this stuff?

                  FRY
Oil. It’s not so bad once you get past the awful taste and the heart palpitations.


He takes a sip from his mug. His eyes bug out and he starts pounding on his chest for a moment, struggling to breathe. Finally, he returns to reading the paper, the outburst over.


                  FRY
         Mmm…goes down smooth.


Leela sits down at the table, taking the only available seat, opposite Fry. She picks up part of the newspaper and starts reading. Fry notices that she’s reading the real estate section.


                  FRY
         Whatcha’ reading?

                  LEELA
The real estate section. I was thinking of looking for an apartment today. You know, since it’s Sunday and I don’t have work or a date or anything

         FRY
(dejected)Oh…right. You gotta look for a place…(his demeanor changing to surprise). Wait, you don’t have a date tonight?

         LEELA
Nope. Noah has some kind of meeting or something.

         FRY
Oh…

         LEELA
Well, I better get dressed. I gotta get out and look for a place before all the good ones are taken.


Fry ponders something for a moment, as Leela gets up from her seat.


                  FRY
Umm…Leela? Do you mind if I tag along? Uh, I mean…(trying to sound macho) I wouldn’t want you getting cheated or anything.


Leela sort of laughs to herself, much to her surprise. She contemplates his offer for a moment, and then…


                  LEELA
         Sure, why not? Try to be ready in half-an-hour.


She leaves the room. Fry waits for a beat, and then, when he is sure Leela is gone…

                  FRY
         (quietly to himself; obviously thrilled) Yes, yes, yes!


EXT-New New York Streets-Late Morning  We pan along the streets with Fry and Leela (newspaper in hand) as they walk to their first destination. It is apparently autumn, judging by the color of the sky and the occasional leaf blowing around, and Fry and Leela are both wearing jackets. Fry is in his usual attire (although it’s zipped up for a change)(I mean his jacket), while Leela is wearing her green jacket.


                  FRY
         So, where are we off to?

                  LEELA
         I wanted to check out this place. It’s only a block away.


She hands Fry the real estate section that she’s holding in her hand. He looks it over.


                  FRY
         (reading) Hmm…modest, one bedroom apartment; price negotiable.


Cut to: The “Modest, One Bedroom Apartment”-Day-Continuous  The apartment is a complete pigsty. The widows are broken, there are stains on the walls, and a sink in the background is spitting out water upward like a fountain. A realtor stands next to Fry and Leela.


                  LEELA
         I’ll give you a quarter and this old sock I found under Fry’s bed.

                  FRY
         Hey!

                  REALTOR
Woo-hoo! Our best offer yet! USA! USA! (he starts doing some sort of victory dance)


Fry and Leela stare at him, a bit frightened. They slowly back out the door, still gawking at the spectacle before them.

Cut to: New New York Streets-Day  We pan with Fry and Leela again as they walk up the sidewalk. Leela is looking at the newspaper again.


                  FRY
         Okay, so that didn’t go so hot. What’s next?

                  LEELA
         (glancing at the newspaper) Uh…how about this one?


She hands Fry the paper. He looks it over.


                  FRY
(reading) Spacious, one-bedroom apartment…(surprised) free or best offer?…


Cut to: The “Spacious, one-bedroom Apartment”-Day-Continuous  It is a beautiful apartment. Fry, Leela, and a realtor are standing in the living room, which contains a huge plasma screen TV.


                  LEELA
         (in awe) It’s beautiful…(suspicious) Wait, what’s the catch?

                  REALTOR
         Oh, there’s no catch.


Loud, obnoxious laughing is heard—it’s coming from the ceiling.


                  REALTOR
Except that Roseanne and Fran Drescher’s heads are your upstairs neighbors.


Cut to: The New New York Streets (again…) Fry and Leela are walking up the street for a third time. A shrill wind is blowing, and Leela finds herself rubbing her hands together to keep warm. Fry notices this, and he gently places Leela’s hand in his, attempting to keep it warmer. He smiles at Leela, and she musters up a sort of half-smile herself. It’s actually a very sweet tableau, the two of them silently walking up the street on a cold autumn’s day, holding hands. Leela breaks the awkward silence.


                  LEELA
(trying to hide her nervousness) Um, this is the last place that I wanna check out.


She hands Fry the paper. Again, he looks it over.


                  FRY
         (reading) Small, one-bedroom apartment.


Cut to: The “Small, One Bedroom Apartment”-Late afternoon-Continuous  The apartment is almost identical the Leela’s old one (1I). Fry is checking the apartment out, while Leela talks to the realtor.


                  LEELA
         How much?

                  REALTOR
         $275 a month. Also, you get this free loofah.

         
He holds a loofah up.


                  LEELA
         Ooo…(regaining her composure) Wait, what’s the catch?

                  REALTOR
         No catch.

                  LEELA
         No broken windows, no obnoxious dismembered heads for neighbors?

                  REALTOR
         Nope.

                  

                  LEELA
         (still a bit skeptical) I don’t know…


Fry pokes his head out of the bathroom doorway.


                  FRY
         Hey look, Leela, a free toilet brush!

                  LEELA
         Is it lightweight and durable?

                  FRY
         Yup.

                  LEELA
         (to realtor) Sold!

                  REALTOR
         Terrific! She’ll be ready in three days.

                  LEELA
         Great!

                  FRY
         (trying to sound supportive) Yeah…great…

-----------------

Well, now that that's over with, it's time to induce vomiting...

P.S. Sorry about the double post. Please don't break my legs (it would be more appropriate to break my fingers...)


Unknown

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #31 on: 07-28-2004 00:53 »

(puts away leg-breaking equipment, pulls out finger-breaking equipment.)
That was some more good writing.  Felt a lot like "I, Roommate."  (I'm assuming that was the idea.)  Also, I think double posting is more tolerated in this section anyway.
Shaucker

Professor
*
« Reply #32 on: 07-28-2004 10:28 »

 
Quote
He takes a sip from his mug. His eyes bug out and he starts pounding on his chest for a moment, struggling to breathe. Finally, he returns to reading the paper, the outburst over.
FRY
Mmm…goes down smooth.

That's pretty much what the coffee at my job is like. :P

 
Quote
REALTOR
$275 a month. Also, you get this free loofah.
He holds a loofah up.
LEELA
Ooo…(regaining her composure) Wait, what’s the catch?

You get extra worship from me for using the word "loofah".

I haven't been keeping up with this very well, so I had three great surprises today.
Now I feel you deserve illustrations, partially because I have new paints, partially because I want to do autumn, but mostly because this kicks the ass.
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #33 on: 07-28-2004 10:50 »
« Last Edit on: 07-28-2004 10:50 »

Your best piece yet, Gorky.

   
Quote
LEELA: I’ll give you a quarter and this old sock I found under Fry’s bed.

   
Quote
$275 a month. Also, you get this free loofah.

   
Quote
It’s not so bad once you get past the awful taste and the heart palpitations.


The humor is all in the word selection, and you've got it nailed.  Also, that whole heart joke reminds me of something I wrote, but not in the stealing sort of way, in the "great minds think alike emulate The Simpsons" way.  Funny stuff.
Gorky

Space Pope
****
« Reply #34 on: 07-28-2004 13:28 »
« Last Edit on: 07-28-2004 13:28 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Shaucker:
 You get extra worship from me for using the word "loofah".

I haven't been keeping up with this very well, so I had three great surprises today.
Now I feel you deserve illustrations, partially because I have new paints, partially because I want to do autumn, but mostly because this kicks the ass.

Thanks again. Also, as far as illustrations go, go for it! Your work is awesome and I'd love you to illustrate for my fic (I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy...).

 
 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
The humor is all in the word selection, and you've got it nailed. Also, that whole heart joke reminds me of something I wrote, but not in the stealing sort of way, in the "great minds think alike emulate The Simpsons" way. Funny stuff.

Thanks. Oh yeah, and about the heart joke, it was a total rip-off homage to The Simpsons (being the hopeless fan that I am).

For those of you who are still interested in this (bless your tolerance), I'll probably post some more in one or two more days (beware the double post)...

Gorky

Space Pope
****
« Reply #35 on: 07-31-2004 16:22 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Gorky:
(beware the double post)...

My God, it's like I can see into the future or something!  wink Anyway, I realize that this part contains less humor and more emotional/shippy stuff, and for that I apologize. Still, I hope you like it.

-----------------

EXT-New New York Streets-Early Evening  Fry and Leela are walking back towards “home”, in silence. Fry finally musters up the courage to ask Leela something.


                  FRY
Umm…Leela? I know it’s getting late out and everything, but…do    you want to grab a bite to eat or something? Not like a date or anything, but…as friends?


Leela contemplates his offer for a moment. She sighs quietly, and then responds.


                  LEELA
         (a bit uneasy) As friends? Sure…where’s the harm in that?

                  FRY
(dejected) I understand…(excitedly realizing) Wait, did you say yes?!


Leela nods.


                  FRY (con’t.)
         Woo-hoo!


EXT-A pizzeria-Evening  A sign reads, “Three Italian Guys With An Oven Pizzeria”. A banner below the sign says “In Honor of the Sabbath, We’re Open All Day”.


INT-Pizzeria-Evening-Continuous  It’s a pretty run-of-the-mill pizza joint (think Pizza Hut or Dominoes), nothing special. The restaurant is fairly crowded, full of many young couples. We PULL IN on Fry and Leela, sitting at a small table. They’re apparently waiting for their order, and strike up a conversation as they wait.


                  FRY
         (a bit uneasy) So…

                  LEELA
         (sharing in Fry’s uneasiness) So…

                  FRY
(trying to get the ball rolling) You know, I used to go to pizza places like this all the time. Old New York was full of ‘em. There was Famous Ray’s, Famous Original Ray’s, Original Famous Ray’s…um…Dominoes…


Leela is sort of losing interest in Fry’s story. He notices, and tries to change the direction of the conversation.


                  FRY (cont.)
I used to take my girlfriend Michelle here all the time. She looked so beautiful, under the dim lights.


Leela is barely listening to Fry.


                  FRY (cont.)
         But not as beautiful as you…


Leela hears those words loud an clear. She looks at Fry, letting the words sink in for a moment. Fry is looking at Leela, with a soft smile on his face. Leela notices, and sort of half-smiles back. Suddenly, a voice is heard off-screen…


                  VOICE (o.s.)
         Order up!


A pizza comes flying towards Fry and Leela’s table, like a frisbee. Leela, with her quick reflexes, catches the pizza.


                  FRY
         (to man off-screen) Thank you!


Two cans of Slurm come flying towards Fry. They hit him squarely on the forehead and he falls to the floor.


                  VOICE (o.s.)
         (to Fry) Whoops, sorry ‘bout that.


Cut to: The New New York Streets-Evening-Continuous  Fry (a bandage on his head) and Leela are walking back towards “their” apartment.


                  LEELA
         (pointing to Fry’s bandage) Doesn’t that hurt, Fry?

FRY
Damn straight! That’s why I never wanna see another can of Slurm as long as I live!


Just then, a street vendor walks by Fry and Leela.


                  VENDOR
         Slurm, here! Get your ice cold Slurm!

                  FRY
         (he flashes a dollar) One, please.


Fry gives the vendor the dollar and he gets a can of Slurm in return. He gulps it down in a split second then throws the can to the ground. He and Leela continue walking in silence. Leela looks up at Fry, and sees that he’s looking at all the lit-up buildings and signs, seemingly in deep thought. She looks kind of perplexed about it, and she decides to confront him.


                  LEELA
         What’re you thinking about, Fry?

                  FRY
(coming back into reality) What? Oh, nothing. I was just thinking back to when I was growing up…how the town always looked so nice, up in lights and all.

         LEELA
Do you ever miss the past?

         FRY
Sometimes. (he pauses, looking at Leela) But then I think about you…and realize that the future’s the only place that I’ve ever been this happy.


He smiles. Leela looks at him, again letting the words sink in. Before she has a chance to say anything, she realizes that the two of them are standing outside of the apartment door—Home Sweet Home.


                  FRY
         I had a great time tonight, Leela.


He gently takes her hand and gives it a small kiss. He walks into the apartment. Leela stays outside the door for a moment after Fry is gone.


                  LEELA
         (quietly; to herself) Me too.

-----------------

Yes, I know, now you're probably sick, but you should be getting used to it by now.

   
         
   


Philp_J_Fry

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #36 on: 08-01-2004 01:48 »

Gorky FYI Im still readind your fic and no im not sick ..... yet
Shaucker

Professor
*
« Reply #37 on: 08-01-2004 01:56 »

Gorky, that ending make me vomit in frustration....sexual frustration. But I did enjoy the name of the Pizza place  smile
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #38 on: 08-01-2004 12:25 »

 
Quote
FRY
Damn straight! That’s why I never wanna see another can of Slurm as long as I live!


Just then, a street vendor walks by Fry and Leela.


VENDOR
Slurm, here! Get your ice cold Slurm!

FRY
(he flashes a dollar) One, please.

I can spot a Simpsons reference 6 miles away!  Kudos on that one, still made me laugh.

Other than that, you're starting to work in the ship a bit more subtly than at first, and that was my only complaint before.  You’re improving, nice job.
Gorky

Space Pope
****
« Reply #39 on: 08-08-2004 21:33 »

I'm not sure if I'm worth a bump, but eh, whatever. Actually, I've been dealing with writer's block (as always), and that's why I haven't updated in a while. Still, I only have one scene to show for all my efforts, but here it is anyway. I realize that it's trivial in the big scheme of things, but I guess I'll post it anyway...for those of you who haven't had your full serving of garbage today.

-----------------

EXT-Planet Express Building-The Next Morning-Continuous  It’s a beautiful day out. We linger on the exterior shot for a beat (That’s really unnecessary, but it’s just a way of setting up the upcoming scene less abruptly).

INT-Planet Express Building-Conference Room-Morning-Continuous  The crew is seated around the table (although Zoidberg is noticeably absent), with Hermes at the head. He is giving a speech, already in progress. In the background, we can see a damaged Planet Express ship in the hangar.


                  HERMES
And finally, dere’s da matter of da busted ship. Now, we could just let the taxpayers deal wit it, but I suggest we simply deduct the cost of repairs from Dr. Zoidberg’s salary. All in favor?


         EVERYONE
I.

         HERMES
All opposed?

         VOICE (o.s.)
Nay.

         HERMES
Den it’s settled.


He pulls a gavel from his pocket and pounds it on the table. Just then, Zoidberg walks in.


                  ZOIDBERG
Hello everybody. I was just fishing my weekly meal out from the dumpster. Did I miss anything?


The rest of the crew stare at Zoidberg, then at one another, then at Hermes (who has an expressionless face), then back at Zoidberg.


                  EVERYONE
         (to Zoidberg) Um…no.


                  ZOIDBERG
Excellent! Now if I may, I’ll go back to my office and resume doing whatever it is I do.


He walks away. As he passes Bender, he looks at him for a moment.


                  ZOIDBERG
         You look clammy. Come with me.


Bender gets up (with a confused/annoyed look) and follows Dr. Zoidberg to his office. Hermes turns to the rest of the crew.


                  HERMES
Now, since we have no deliveries today, everyone will just have ta hang around and put up with one another for da next eight hours.


Hermes retreats to his office. The remaining crewmembers stare blankly at one another. After a long silence, Farnsworth speaks up.


                  FARNSWORTH
         Who are all you people?

-----------------

Again, I know, it's short, but that's really a blessing in disguise (well, maybe not in disguise, but...).
         

         

 
 
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