New fan-fic

[on:]

Hello this is my first fan- fic because I am a newbie. Well here it goes... If you like it tell me if you think it sucks tell me some things I can improve on!!!

   (the planet express ship)
Leela: No it is past the exton air shop.
Professer: no it clearly marks we should be there by now.
Leela: let me take a look at that.
  (she mumbles on about how the boys should not take her for granted because she is a woman)
Fry: loooook out for that....... whatever that is.
            ( they wake up after they seemed to go threw the warp of time)
Leela: where are we?
Hermes: I don't know man where are we?
Fry: wait a secound... this looks like... no It can't be... it is old new york when it was new new york!
Bender: Good maybe we can freak out some old ladies and steal their money and dope.
Fry: no old lady has dope bender.
Bender: Ofcorse they can look at Amy's grandma!
Amy: Hey!
Leela: anyway this must be the spot.
Amy: But we are in the past how could it be?
Bender: how can you be such a loser?
Professer: Ok now.....nhaaaaaa......nhaaaaa aa....
Amy: WAKE UP PROFESSER!
Professer: Oh yes now let me take a look at the map.Oh yes...Yes I see. We can't let anyone know we are from the future.
Bender: ok........Muehahahaha
       (They are all walking down the street)
A little girl: EWWWWWW look at that lobster.
The mother: Don't look just keep walking.
Zoid berg: what I ummm.... work for redlobster...... as the sales man at the door....
Professer: well We are close now we need to turn here.
A teen on the street: AHHHH YOU HAVE ONE EYE!
Leela: Y it is like the.... new eye sergeri.....DHHHH.
       (the teen gets her cell phone and speed dials her plastic sergin)
Professer: Ahhhhh... here it is..... this is a Mr. Carl.
Leela: Carl? Just carl no last name?
Professer: Yes... just Carl.
       
                          Stay tuned for next episode and PLEASE post perdictions, opinions, what you would like to see, and what you disliked or liked about it!

              

[Reply #1 on:]

 

Originally posted by Black_Rose:
                  

Are those smileys really nessicary?

[Reply #2 on:]

 

Originally posted by Y_L_B:
 Are those smileys really nessicary?

Was that post really necessary? 

On topic, I'd like to know if the fan-fic was based on any of the episodes?

[Reply #3 on:]

 

Originally posted by victor2000:
 Was that post really necessary?   

Oh, meh.

I suppose I should have added a review, but to tell you the truth, it was very hard to read.

I did end up grammer-fying it and reading it, though.

This looks like a pretty good beginning, but it kind of seems like RTEW, but in the 1990's instead of the 1950's. Oh, well. I look forward to reading the rest. 

[Reply #4 on:]

It's too disorganized, and it's moving to fast. And Bender's lines don't seem believable.

Not trying to hammer you or anything, just trying to help. :-)