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PEEL - The Futurama Message Board    Melllvar's Erotic Friend Fiction    Guy you've never heard of writes something mediocre! « previous next »
Author Topic: Guy you've never heard of writes something mediocre!  (Read 29530 times)
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j_ohanley

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #80 on: 06-03-2004 21:37 »

Nah, that was as funny as anything you've written.  laff at Walt's list. An uncomfortable laugh, but a laugh non the less.
Shaucker

Professor
*
« Reply #81 on: 06-03-2004 22:01 »

"Farnsworth: But…but…we’re meant for each other. You’re a Libra, and I’m a Cancer…

Mom: I’m a Scorpio, and you had cancer!"

Me loving that line! I want to have your babies, JBERGES!
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #82 on: 06-04-2004 11:50 »

Hell yeah i'm still reading your stuff. And before you get all excited about my fanfic just know that it's not a comedy. As much as i love comedy i'm just not clever enough to write it, but being the morbid misery chick that i am i do ok with drama. Basically it takes place during the Sting and reveils what was going on in the real world with Fry while Leela was in her coma.
Passing user

Delivery Boy
**
« Reply #83 on: 06-04-2004 14:53 »

Liked that obsessive-compulsive joke.  V good.
boingo2000

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #84 on: 06-04-2004 16:08 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
Mom: Well, a simple paternity test obtained by secretly bribing Hubert’s doctor proved my worst fears...

Wouldn't Hubert's doctor be Zoidberg?  Does that mean Zoidy knew all along?

Your stuff is amazing!  Keep up the good work!
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #85 on: 06-05-2004 00:38 »
« Last Edit on: 06-05-2004 00:38 »

  Drama is much harder to write than comedy, Venus.  For instance, I could be anywhere in the story, and if get an idea for something funny, I can just paste it in with a few set-up lines.  (i.e.  that Libra, Cancer line was written for no spot in particular, then I just threaded it in there when it seemed appropriate) 
    On the other hand, drama takes some serious attention to flow and detail.  Everything has to be in perfect sync for it to evoke the proper emotions.  So, best of luck, it sounds good.

@Boingo: I didn't even think about that, but after consulting Insane in the Mainframe, I remembered that Zoidberg has only been with the company for 10 years, so it seems it would be another doctor that Mom bribed.


   
Quote
Originally posted by Shaucker:
Me loving that line! I want to have your babies, JBERGES!

Shaucker, that post is one "snu-snu" away from being by an Amazonian… big grin

Part three will come at an unknown time, it really depends on when I figure out what’s going to happen next.  So stay tuned everyone, and feel free to tell me what you think. (read:  I'm attention starved)


EDIT:  Now, for the celebration:

Bending Unit!  Wooooh!

100 posts / 40 days = 2.5 posts per day.

Didn't even need a calculator

EDIT EDIT:  After roaming the boards, I've determined that everyone is a freakin' bending unit.  I've lost my distinction...   
 
SlackJawedMoron

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #86 on: 06-05-2004 04:45 »
« Last Edit on: 06-05-2004 04:45 »

I'm not.   big grin

But that's a pretty good effort. I'll say with all seriousness that you could be able to write proffesionally one day. Or right now. (Are you still in some sort of educational institution?)

And if you can't just the word of some random nerdy stranger on the internet, who can you trust...

And don't downplay the difficulty of comedic writing. Sure, anyone can do it, but if you'll check some random sitcom, it's not easy to do well. Or even competantly.

Anyways, keep reaching for that rainbow. Of course, with all those groupies' shoulders to stand on, that shouldn't be too hard. Prick.
Shaucker

Professor
*
« Reply #87 on: 06-05-2004 08:23 »

I AM pretty close to being an Amazon. I just need more women around me!
EvilLunch

Professor
*
« Reply #88 on: 06-05-2004 23:13 »

Comedy is hard, and you make it look easy ;-; If I could have made my fanfic funny, I would have. Drunken filthy drama is easy, but gets depressing.. In the meanwhile, I will read your story and giggle and hope for more.
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #89 on: 06-06-2004 11:12 »
« Last Edit on: 06-06-2004 11:12 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by SlackJawedMoron:
But that's a pretty good effort. I'll say with all seriousness that you could be able to write proffesionally one day. Or right now. (Are you still in some sort of educational institution?)

What, you couldn't tell by my deft math abilities in the last post?  Yes, I’m in college (the nerdiest college in America) studying to be an engineer.  Obviously I’d love to write inane crap for a living, but that’s just a pipe dream up there with composing for a living, or being a professional DDR-player.  I think I’ll keep all three as hobbies though.  Perhaps fate will lend a helping hand somewhere down the road.

 
Quote
Originally posted by SlackJawedMoron:
Anyways, keep reaching for that rainbow. Of course, with all those groupies' shoulders to stand on, that shouldn't be too hard. Prick.

I’m tired off all this bitching; you are the funniest person on these boards!  Write something and groupies will follow!  It’s bound to be hilarious. Pleeease? I’ll be a fan... Plus, you’ll get all the girls… like Shaucker, and EvilLunch, and (notices pattern)  Hmm, scratch that.

Part Three has been started and should be up by Wednesday or earlier.  Thank you everyone for your support.

 
SlackJawedMoron

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #90 on: 06-07-2004 03:19 »
« Last Edit on: 06-07-2004 03:19 »

Funniest person on these boards? I wouldn't say that but I have no problem with someone else saying it. Also, I don't like to partake in fanfics, I prefer my own creations. Though admitedly, I haven't written any prose since High School, what with my complete lack of personal motivation and all.
I was randomly tossing around an idea about Fry joining the Foreign Legion, filled with fatalistc psuedo-frenchmen, but I doubt I'll ever actually sit down and write it.
Also, if having hoards of lesbain groupies' is wrong, man I don't wanna be right.     tongue

Still, looking forward to your next installment. And despite the constant death threats and other whinging, you know I love ya! I just never found the words...  cry

You compose? Classical? Your coolness factor just rose 10 points... :
EvilLunch

Professor
*
« Reply #91 on: 06-07-2004 03:23 »

We won't make out with eachother for you though, Slackjawed.
SlackJawedMoron

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #92 on: 06-07-2004 03:29 »
« Last Edit on: 06-07-2004 03:29 »

No one ever does...

wait, was the a subtle confirmation that you WOULD, in fact, make out for JBERGES? hmmm...  flirt   tongue
EvilLunch

Professor
*
« Reply #93 on: 06-07-2004 03:40 »

Ehh.. uhh.. You, sir, twisted my words! ... Nya! :jumps out of a nearby window:
Guineapig Trick

Professor
*
« Reply #94 on: 06-07-2004 19:33 »

I know Ive heard the cancer line somewhere before, just dont know where, crap Im going to be thinking about that until I fund out what itas from.
EvilLunch

Professor
*
« Reply #95 on: 06-07-2004 19:50 »

The first page, sport. Heheheh... Ehhh.. Aww. I'm gonna hold off being a smartass until the next chapter is up..
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #96 on: 06-07-2004 20:42 »
« Last Edit on: 06-09-2004 00:00 »

@EL:   Prepare to be a smartass again (by the way, you stole my obvious retort...)

@GT: If you come up with where that line originally came from, I'd like to hear it.  To the best of my knowledge I made it up, but who knows…

@Slackjawed:  You may think I'm good, but I'm not "get lesbians to kiss for me good.” I say write the fanfic already!  As for the music, I compose classical, techno, trance, piano, and video-game type stuff.  None of it is amazing, but some is passable.  If I could figure out how to host mp3's I’d let you have a listen.  Oh well, we'll stick to fanfic for now:

-----------
Part 3

(Cut to PE building:  Bottom of screen reads: 2 days later)

(Leela escorts the professor into the room)

Farnsworth:  Good news everyone, I forgot to die again!

Fry:  And you said your lack of memory would never pay off…

Farnsworth:  I never said that, damnit!   Anyway, the doctor said I’m as healthy as before the injury, minus a few broken ribs which occurred for apparently no reason…

(Leela guiltily smiles and looks away, tugging at her hair)

He even said I can give my lecture at the Boring Scientific Improvement Convention tonight.  It’s about improving the absorption efficiency of paper towels!

(he hands Fry a flyer)  
__________________________
  Professor Hubert Farnsworth

          Absorption Efficiency of Paper Towels

                It’s Sop-errific! 
 
___________________________

Leela(sarcastic enthusiasm):  It definitely sounds soporific…

Fry:  No it doesn’t!  It sounds dull and unamusing!

Leela:  (sigh)

Farnsworth:  Well too bad, you’re going!  You owe it to me after forcing me to go golfing…

Leela:  Yeah…speaking about that… did the doctors ever tell you what happened while you were unconscious?

Farnsworth:   They said a maaaagical anonymous donor gave me his blood.

Fry (patronizing):  Yeah, and that’s exactly what happened.

(Hermes and Zoidberg enter)

Hermes:  Sweet orange crested gillet indigenous to Niperius 7, he’s back already!

Zoidberg:  Oh… (Pulls out an extremely fancy certificate of death signed by him, complete with calligraphy)… someday maybe I’ll be able to use this…

(Bender arrives at the front door, a bit rusted and dazed)

Bender:  That’s the last time I walk home from New Jersey…

Farnsworth:  Great!  Everyone is just in time for my boring presentation!  Coincidently, I must have forgotten how many people work here, because I only have three tickets…

Bender:  I’m cheese’n it!   (runs back out the door)

Hermes:  An’ I’m goin’ home to my wife… (follows Bender)

Zoidberg (fervent):  Can I have a ticket?!  I must have a ticket!  (grabs one)

Leela:  Looks like it’s us and Zoidberg, Fry…

Fry:  It’s always us!  We never get any respect!  No respect at all…(thinks) Just like that guy in my time!  What was his name? (thinks)   Rodney…uh… (thinks)  Rodney… (thinks) …King.

(Establishing shot of convention building.  Sign in front reads:  “Today: Boring Scientific Improvement Convention.  Tomorrow:  Steven Hawking’s Head in a Nutshell”)

(Cut to a Lecture Hall, about 1/3 full.  The Professor is about to speak.  Fry, Zoidberg, and Leela sit, in that order, in an otherwise empty row)

Leela:  We needed tickets for this?

Fry:  Well, at least the concessions are good… (Takes a sip from a beaker labeled “Toxic”)   Ahh…it’s true; absinth does make the heart grow fonder…

(Leela just stares at him.  Fry twitches, and promptly drops the beaker to clutch his chest)

Fry (whining): Ow…my heart hurts…

Farnsworth:  Greetings, everyone.  The history of absorbent paper is long and not nearly as absorbing as the towels themselves...

(Suddenly, Ignar bursts through the back door of the hall)

Ignar:  Daaaaaddy!   Daaaaaaaaddy!   I found yooooou! (He runs towards the front)

(Walt and Larry enter in pursuit)

Walt: (To Larry) You had to tell him, didn’t you…

Ignar:  Daaaaaddy!   I love you!

Farnsworth:  Who the hell are you?  I don’t remember having a child…

Zoidberg(wistful):  The offspring have finally migrated back to their original place of birth…the beautiful cycle is complete…

Farnsworth:  Tripe!  All tripe!  Having a child your age would require having a prostate sometime in recent years!

Leela:  No, it’s true Professor…you see…

Fry:  Leela, No!  Mom will kill us!

Walt:  It’s too late for salvation now.  Well…I’d better prepare… (slaps Larry, then himself)  Hmmm… (He takes out his list, and adds "masochism" )

Leela:  Ignar is your and Mom’s son, born 73 years ago, and then frozen like Fry for 50 years.  He was born a few months after the Mothers’ Day you two broke up.  It was Ignar that donated the blood to you.

(By now Ignar has reached Farnsworth)

Farnsworth:  Could it be?  I have a biological son? (his face turns fearful) and... it is now publicly known?

Entire Hall:  Yes.

(Farnsworth grabs Ignar by the arm) 

Farnsworth (frantic):  We have to get out of here, now!  (starts to drag Ignar away)

Walt:  Wait just one minute!  (he and Larry advance on the Professor)

(Farnsworth grabs a display roll of paper towel, and waves it at them menacingly)

Farnsworth (crazed):  Get back!

Fry:  Careful, it’s quilted!

(Walt and Larry back away.  The Professor leads Ignar away as quickly as he can.  They disappear off screen)

Leela(worried):  What could that be about?

Zoidberg (ecstatic):  A lecture and a mystery…what a wonderful night!

Leela:  You have no sense of the gravity of anything, do you?

Zoidberg (depressed):  I can’t help if I’m not native to a planet this size…

Fry:  We’d better find them.  They could be miles away by now!

(Farnsworth and Ignar burst through the wall in the Professor’s golf cart, traverse the hall, and exit through the opposite wall) 

Ignar: (in the distance)  Weeeeeeeee!
__________________________

I believe that contained the highest number of bad puns out of anything I've ever written.  Seems as though we have a cliff-hanger ending here, and let me tell you, a cliff-hanger is a lot more suspenseful when you’re the author.  Don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll come up with a logical explanation for everything…

As usual, please tell me what you think, and what you think I should change. 

EDIT:  Changed some stuff around.  I always have second thoughts after I post...there's still a few things I was thinking about changing...but I'll leave them be.
(5 edits and counting...)
EvilLunch

Professor
*
« Reply #97 on: 06-07-2004 21:52 »
« Last Edit on: 06-07-2004 21:52 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
Leela(sarcastic enthusiasm):  It definitely sounds soporific…
Fry:  No it doesn’t!  It sounds dull and unamusing!

I like when one must think about the funny. Tee hee hee..
Oh, by the way.. This is such an inconsequential thing I hesitate to say it.. But isn't the young fool's name Ignar? Anyway, things are getting good.. And I need to do some fanart for this.
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #98 on: 06-08-2004 16:25 »
« Last Edit on: 06-08-2004 16:25 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by EvilLunch: This is such an inconsequential thing I hesitate to say it.. But isn't the young fool's name Ignar?
[Calculon]  Noooooooooooooooooo!  [/Calculon]
 Damn, you're right!  I'll have to edit all my posts to fix that...thanks for noticing.

(EDIT:  Done, hooray for anal-retentiveness!)

 
Quote
Originally posted by EvilLunch: And I need to do some fanart for this.
That, would be awesome.
SlackJawedMoron

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #99 on: 06-09-2004 05:30 »

Excellent, excellent. I'd pick out a line that stood out, but there was enough good stuff that they all sort of melded in together, like when one leans against a wall of jelly.
You've gotten me all intrigued, now. And it's good to see I'm not the only person who writes without a clear end in mind.  smile
zomit

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #100 on: 06-09-2004 07:22 »
« Last Edit on: 06-09-2004 07:22 »

I'm intrigued as well, and I won't sleep until I find out what happens next! Well, I guess I should go and get some sleep now.

EDIT: Yay, my avatar change was a success!  big grin
Birdbot

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #101 on: 06-09-2004 07:24 »

Great stuff JBERGES  cool

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
Zoidberg (depressed):  I can’t help if I’m not native to a planet this size…

Maybe Zoidberg should start crying?

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
Zoidberg: Oh… (Pulls out and extremely fancy certificate of death signed by him, complete with calligraphy)… someday maybe I’ll be able to use this…

Shouldn't that be an?

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
Farnsworth: Great! Everyone is just in time for my boring presentation! Coincidently, I must have forgotten how many people work here, because I only have three tickets…

Bender: I’m cheese’n it! (runs back out the door)

Hermes: An’ I’m goin’ home to my wife… (follows Bender)

Zoidberg (fervent): Can I have a ticket?! I must have a ticket! (grabs one)

Leela: Looks like it’s us and Zoidberg, Fry…
Maybe you should include Scruffy making an excuse to get out of it?

Anyway, brilliant stuff!
boingo2000

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #102 on: 06-09-2004 12:26 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
(Establishing shot of convention building. Sign in front reads: “Today: Boring Scientific Improvement Convention. Tomorrow: Steven Hawking’s Head in a Nutshell”)

That seems so wrong... but it amuses just right!    big grin
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #103 on: 06-09-2004 21:01 »
« Last Edit on: 06-09-2004 21:01 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by SlackJawedMoron:
they all sort of melded in together, like when one leans against a wall of jelly.
All I can think of is Fry in TDHAIPT:
Fry:  Thank you sir, that's exactly what I was going for!

To Birdbot's suggestions:

1:  Don't think that's necessary, he doesn't always have to cry...
2:  Indeed an error.  FIXED
3:  That is a good idea.  I may add that if I come up with a good line for Scruffy.

May I also say that you cannot imagine the joy/satisfaction in finding people enjoy both the jokes I spent time working on (EL's post) and ones that randomly got typed without much thought (Boingo's post).  So thanks everyone, you've truly made my day.   smile

If anyone has other comments or critiques, please feel free to express yourself.  It will be at least a couple of days before part 4.  I'm working out the plot right now, but my Felix-the-Cat-like bag of gags and jokes is currently empty.  Let's see how long it takes for that creative spark to come back.
Shaucker

Professor
*
« Reply #104 on: 06-09-2004 22:24 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
  I’m tired off all this bitching; you are  Plus, you’ll get all the girls… like Shaucker, and EvilLunch, and (notices pattern)  Hmm, scratch that. 


Oh, the tragedies of being popular... smile
I now wish to become one of JBERGES' offical groupies...I'm so wanting to do a pic of me and Lunch saying something like
 "Futurama Fanfic Groupies....yeah, no one's gettin' any tonight"
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #105 on: 06-10-2004 21:19 »
« Last Edit on: 06-10-2004 21:19 »

Heh, that'd be funny.  Possibly with a depressed looking SlackJawedMoron in the background...

EDIT:


Oh right, and as for part 4:

(because I know so many of you out there check back every 5 minutes to see if the next part is up.  Well...at least that's what I do when checking for replies...)

I'll have it up by Monday night, with an outside shot at Sunday. (deadlines keep me motivated) See you then?
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #106 on: 06-10-2004 21:40 »

i wish to be a groupy. i promise not to 'give any'.
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #107 on: 06-13-2004 12:56 »
« Last Edit on: 06-16-2004 00:00 »

On time, with gusto, and with 3 female groupies!

Hope everyone enjoys part 4, it's almost twice as long as a normal part:
_____________________________ ___

Part 4

(Cut to the PE ship landing at the PE building, just as the bullet proof shutters deploy)

(Fry, Leela, and Zoidberg exit the ship)

Leela:  Whatever has the Professor troubled must be really bad.  I mean, he apparently managed to remember it…

Fry:  Why would he come back here…the one place everyone knows he’ll be?

(Farnsworth enters)

Farnsworth: Because it’s the only place I’m safe! 

Leela: (motioning to the ship) I can fly you two anywhere in the universe…that is…after you tell us what’s going on.

Zoidberg (interjecting):  Can I come too?

Farnsworth: (long sigh)  The truth is…I’m not the moral, assiduous scientist I’ve made myself out to be. (He puts down his copy of “Apocalypse Sooner” magazine) 90 years ago marks one of my first great autonomous robotic creations…the Robot Devil. 

Fry:  (attempts to spit-take, but he wasn’t drinking anything, so only air comes out)
You made the Robot Devil?   You bastard!

Farnsworth:  Now, now, the only bastard around here is him (points to Ignar on the other side of the room.  He waves.) Well, not the current version, of course, a much simpler model.
 
(Flashback to picture of a younger Professor tweaking a rudimentary Robot Devil)

Farnsworth:  Sadly, something completely unexpected happened while I was calibrating the temptation inductor…

Leela:  You were tempted?

Farnsworth: I never saw it coming…

(Flashback: Professor adjusts a “Temptations” control dial through “low”, “medium”, “Motown”, and “high”)

Farnsworth:  He promised a nerdy, balding scientist success with woman… 

(Flashback: Professor punches out some holes on a punch card, and signs it)

Farnsworth: I, of course, accepted his ludicrous offer, because I thought I had tricked him.  I promised to give up my first born son, knowing full well that I would never have children. 

(Flashback:   Professor feeds the card into the robot, which begins to laugh maniacally, but then powers down and falls limp.  Farnsworth turns a small crank on the side of the robot, and it picks up where it left off.)

Farnsworth: But now... it seems fate has proved an even crueler mistress than Mom.

Fry:  That’s what you get for making deals with the devil! (idly cracks his knuckles)

(Leela gives him a sideways glance)

Farnsworth (dramatic) :  What a fool I was!  I should have had more faith in my now notorious sexual prowess…I didn’t need his help at all!  However, I assume our deal is still in effect, and therefore the current Robot Devil must have a record of it somewhere.  I just know he’ll be after Ignar as soon as he catches wind of today’s events…

(Cut to robot hell.  The Robot Devil is looking over some recent forms, as well as an extremely dilapidated punch-card.)

Robot Devil:  Hmm…how superbly intriguing!  This may very well be the longest running deal with the devil ever!

Demon: What about that thing with the Fox Network?

Robot Devil:  I stand corrected. (Quickly checks the papers again)  As much as I’d love to do the deed myself, I do have a book club meeting in 15 minutes… plus… now I’ll have to write some sort of upbeat song for welcoming a human to robot hell. (sigh)  I guess I’ll just send a diligent lackey… hey iSpy, get over here!

(A relatively small, laser pistol -toting robot emerges.)

iSpy:  Yes, sir?

Robot Devil: (handing over papers) Kidnap this man.  Or, if you must, just fatally wound him.  Damned if I know what we’ll do with him here.

iSpy:  Yes sir!

(Cut back to the Planet Express building)

Fry:  Well… let’s just get you somewhere safe then.  Uh…how’s the sun this time of year?

Leela (jadedly):  The sun is a bit too hot Fry…

Zoidberg (impudent) :  Oh… Mr. Fancy Hot Sun isn’t good enough for us is he?  He thinks the whole world revolves around himself he does!

Leela (now boiling): Can you two last five seconds without saying something stupid?!





(cough)



(Fry and Zoidberg high-five)

Farnsworth:  Yes, perhaps we should run away like schoolgirls.  I just need a little while to pack.  Until then, no one let anyone in or out!  And don’t get Ignar upset!

(He points to Ignar, who is oblivious, then walks away)

Leela: (watching Ignar stare into space)  I wonder what’s really wrong with him…

Fry:  What do you mean?  He’s probably just a little…oh…what’s the word……slow. 

Leela: But maybe he’s not just stupid.  Maybe he’s just really shy, or has social issues because he was raised by Mom… or he’s autistic, or has Asperger’s syndrome…

(Fry bursts out laughing)

Leela:  What’s so funny?

Fry:  Nothing…nothing… (aside)  heh-heh-heh…ass-burgers…

Leela (jesting) :  Well, then I guess it was the cryogenic freezing…

(Farnsworth enters with a suitcase and a metal box with a handle)

Farnsworth:  Freezing doesn’t make you stupid!  And I’ll prove it too!

Fry:  What’s in the box?

Farnsworth:  Oh, that’s just my cat, Schrödinger……

Fry:  Is he alive in that lead box?

Farnsworth:  Well…yes and no… (heads towards the ship)  Now, let’s go to the lab and I’ll prove that cryogenics is safe.

Leela:  I worked at a cryogenics lab!  I know it's safe! Besides, I thought we were leaving now... (sigh) We’re gonna be stuck here forever…

Fry:  Yeah…stuck. (turning to Leela)  Hey Leela?

Leela:  What, Fry?

Fry:  Um, actually… never mind.  I’ll be right back. (Leaves the room)

Leela: (shouting after him)  You should really try to get to know Ignar!  You’re related to him too you know!

Zoidberg: (Now standing near Ignar)  Way ahead of you…  (to Ignar)  Sooo…staring into space, eh?  Mind if your good chum Zoidberg joins you?  (Joins Ignar)

(Ignar nervously murmurs and backs away)

Leela:  I doubt he thinks you’re his chum, Zoidberg. In fact, I doubt anyone thinks you’re their chum.

Zoidberg (indignant):  Bender said I was chum just yesterday!

Leela:  Zoidberg…I don’t think he meant-

Farnsworth (off screen):  Everyone to the laboratory!

(Cut to Zoidberg, Ignar, and Leela entering the lab where the Professor is readying a cryo-tube)

Leela:  I never knew you could buy one of these things Professor…

Farnsworth:  One confession per day is enough, thank you… Now, (he opens the tube door) Leela, you’re a relatively intelligent person.  Well, just get in the tube, and I’ll freeze you for 30 years.  When you get out, you’ll be just as smart as before!

Leela:  That’s the... (pauses)… seventh stupidest thing I’ve heard all day!  C’mon, you’ll be safer on another planet until I figure out how to get you out of this mess.

Farnsworth:  Relax, we’re safe here as long as no one disables the-

(There’s a knock on the metal outside)

Farnsworth (musical): Who iiiiiis it?

Bender:  B-

(Farnsworth retracts the shutters via remote)

Bender (entering): -ender.

Leela:  (Grabs remote and deploys shutters again) Professor! That could have been anyone! (she puts the controller down)  Bender, what are you doing here?

Bender:  Well, I had nothing to do tonight, and I was gonna loot the place… but now you’re here, so I guess I’ll do it later.  Hey, what the hell are you doing here anyway?

Leela:  It’s long and complex.  (glaring at Farnsworth)The important thing is we’re all leaving very soon.

(There is another knock on the metal outside)

Farnsworth (again): Who iiiiiis it?

iSpy:  Uh… Bender.

(The Professor tries to hit the button but Leela slaps the control out of his hand)

Leela:  Perfect…  Ok, can we leave sometime before Ignar is captured?

Farnsworth:  Oh, big deal!  I’ve changed my mind!  We’re safer here.  What is he going to do, drill under the building and pop up over there? (He points to a random spot on the ground)

(Extremely loud drilling noise is heard.  Everyone looks at the floor)

(Suddenly, iSpy bursts through the floor, not where the Professor was pointing, but directly under Zoidberg, sending him careening into the cryo-tube.  The door slams on him.  Meanwhile, iSpy points a gun at Ignar, but is knocked to the ground by Bender, who has utilized a conveniently placed metal folding chair or other blunt object.)

Leela:  Scramble!

(Leela grabs the Professor and Ignar over each shoulder.  She and Bender scatter while iSpy recuperates and tries to find his dropped pistol)
 
(Cut to Zoidberg in the tube)

Zoidberg:  Uh-oh…

(The tube activates and flash freezes)

Zoidberg:  Ha!  The joke's on them!  I’m… cold-bloooooooooo

(Zoidberg’s movements slow as his voice deepens to a low bass)

Zoidberg: –ded (All movement ceases.  Then he blinks.  Reeeeeeeally slowly)

_____________________________


Actually, I have no clue what a "high-five" between Fry and Zoidberg would be called, considering Zoidberg has only two.  Whatever, it's not too important.

In any case, please bombard me with your comments, critiques, and suggestions.  Especially because I'm not too confident that I covered up all possible plot-holes.  If you notice any, point them out in a ridiculing fashion, OK?     


EDITS:  Simple errors, changed one of Leela's lines.
------------------
"You may have the looks, the brains, the talent, and the women, but let me tell you something, bub... you'll never have... MY BONEY GRASPING FINGERS!
*claws at JBERGES's face*"-SlackJawedMoron
SlackJawedMoron

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #108 on: 06-14-2004 05:18 »
« Last Edit on: 06-14-2004 05:18 »

Spit-take- class
Prof's sexual prowess -class
Ass burgers - class

Yep, all dressed up like a vegas showgirl, that story is. Though slightly less nubile. And with difficulty following instructions.

I curious to see where you're going with this, what with the whole 'loss of intelligence' thing. I assume, going by various eps, that it's incorrect... or that you've got some ace up your sleave. Or that you will have one when you think of it.
Shaucker

Professor
*
« Reply #109 on: 06-14-2004 08:50 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
(He puts down his copy of “Apocalypse Sooner” magazine)
Very funny.

 
Quote
Fry:  (attempts to spit-take, but he wasn’t drinking anything, so only air comes out)
That was so long overdue...even beats the canon Bender double spit take

 
Quote
(Flashback: Professor adjusts a “Temptations” control dial through “low”, “medium”, “Motown”, and “high”)
That's so greatly old school. Level of comprehension:2

 
Quote
Farnsworth:  Oh, that’s just my cat, Schrödinger……

Fry:  Wouldn’t any cat stuck in a sealed metal box be dead?

Farnsworth:  Well…yes and no

MUAHAHA! That's quite amusing! And no one without a physics class in hand will get that!

Great chapter this time, JBERGES. I yearn for more.


boingo2000

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #110 on: 06-14-2004 13:50 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
Robot Devil: As much as I’d love to do the deed myself, I do have a book club meeting in 15 minutes… plus… now I’ll have to write some sort of upbeat song for welcoming a human to robot hell.

My official favourite line of this installment.

But, if you're going to use the Robot Devil in your fic, I demand you utilize his girlish scream.  (My bigest complaint with "Devil's Hands..." is that they didn't.)

Also, since you now have groupies, I'm willing to sign on as a roadie (on the condition I never have to do any work.  Ever).
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #111 on: 06-14-2004 17:36 »

I actually understood the Schrödinger's cat joke and it killed me. This story keeps getting better and better!
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #112 on: 06-15-2004 06:18 »
« Last Edit on: 06-15-2004 06:18 »

-Thanks to Shaucker and Venus for finding my intelligent (nerdy) reference humor funny.

-Thanks to SJM for finding my unintelligent random humor funny. (Ace up my sleeve? It’s an eight of clubs… you’ll get it and like it)    big grin

-Thanks to Boingo for yet again finding a line even I didn't find funny to be funny.

Evil Lunch:  All groupies are to report to the thread within two days of posting!  Didn’t you get the memo?   tongue

To anyone reading this not mentioned above:  Make your opinions heard!  It’s more fun that way.  For instance, no matter what, at one point I will slip a Robot Devil girlish scream into the script.  Why?  Because someone told me to!

I want to get part five out by the end of the week, but we’ll see if that actually happens.  The plot is in my head, but everything still needs to be written.
   

posted from my quiet boring cubicle at 6:15AM.  I hate getting older...

Brevity is the soul of
SlackJawedMoron

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #113 on: 06-15-2004 06:22 »
« Last Edit on: 06-15-2004 06:22 »

Are you implying that I don't get your intelligent jokes?!?   mad    mad    mad


That's the last straw. I'll smack you till the Schrödinger flies right outta you!

Whatever that is...

Though I did, of course, completely understand the Motown
gag. *Hands JBEGRES some sinful looking gumbo.*
 
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #114 on: 06-15-2004 06:41 »

If it makes you feel better, I had to look up the word "nubile."
SlackJawedMoron

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #115 on: 06-15-2004 06:48 »
« Last Edit on: 06-15-2004 06:48 »

Yes. Yes it does.   big grin

Though I'm not too proud to ask for an explanation for the Schrödinger thing...    confused
zomit

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #116 on: 06-15-2004 06:49 »

I have an idea for the story. Make the next part about how great I am!  big grin (Oh, and by the way, I was joking, unless you want to make it about how great I am, maybe?) Nah, this story is already good enough as it is. Keep up the good work.  big grin
Shaucker

Professor
*
« Reply #117 on: 06-15-2004 07:26 »

There's an explanation on Schrodinger's Cat somewhere on the errors page. If'n you want it, go find it.

If you don't eat meat, you'll break out in vaginas.
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #118 on: 06-15-2004 17:11 »
« Last Edit on: 06-15-2004 17:11 »

Oh, but Shaucker, it's tough to search through stuff like that...we should tell him...

SJM:  "Schodinger's Cat" is a conjecture that is partially based on the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, which oddly enough I just tried to explain here a week ago:

 I'm a dork 

I'd screw up if I tried to explain the cat myself, so I'll leave it up to the experts to do so (in humorous poem form!)

 There are much bigger dorks than me out there

Speaking of science, I need to do some research for part five now that I've decided what's going to happen.  Should be fun.

Oh, and finally, I'd like to hear SJM's explanation of the "Motown" joke.  You really threw me with the "sinful looking gumbo"
EvilLunch

Professor
*
« Reply #119 on: 06-15-2004 17:47 »

Motown IS pretty sinful..
And this story is sinfully hilarious. Professie made the Devil?! Now I've heard everything! I love it  big grin
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