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PEEL - The Futurama Message Board    Melllvar's Erotic Friend Fiction    Guy you've never heard of writes something mediocre! « previous next »
Author Topic: Guy you've never heard of writes something mediocre!  (Read 29088 times)
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Arkan

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #640 on: 05-18-2006 04:34 »
« Last Edit on: 05-18-2006 04:34 »

Yay!! And woot, I actually got some of the puns!
"the former or the ladder", "a loan/alone", "exposure", "Knotten's Irviss"... (And I actually got that last one before Leela said it!) OK, so maybe with some of them there's not much to get, but still, for me, that's pretty impressive!

Heh, sorry, I was so proud of myself I forgot to shower bountiful praise over you... I loved it! I'm actually starting to empathise with Holly now, rather than just seeing her as 'the enemy', and of course the PE crew was great.

There were some really funny laugh-out-loud moments in there, like "Please be blood..." (I was just thinking that that was what I would think!), "And fat!", "sex-tuple", "formal bedpan"...

I also loved all the bits with the camera - it's really intriguing me...so many possibilities! I loved Bender's picture (aww, Fry and Leela were there!), Leela's worry about Fry's picture, and the mystery photo at the end. Can't wait to see that one!

Wow, I ramble. Overall review:   love

Edit: And woohoo, look at that! TOTPD on an awesome story!!
Kloudes

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #641 on: 05-18-2006 15:28 »

Great part, JBERGES, and I'll be the first to say-- it took you long enough!  tongue  You've still got some readers lurking around... Anywho, on with the commentary...

As much as I hate Zoidberg, you really have embodied his character perfectly.  I can hear his voice saying those lines in my head--and it's funny!  Holly and Kui's contempt toward him is certainly deserved, but the fact that he's there definitely adds a humorous element to it. 

Love the picture concept.  I, too, eagerly await your revelation of the last photo snapped.  What happens if both Leela and Fry are in the picture?  big grin

The "sex-tuple" joke tickled mah belleh, as well as the "Knotten's Irviss."  Weird, but amusing. 

I think the segway to Planet Express was my favorite part.  Hermes' quiet exasperation with life in general is always fun.

Overall, a great update.  And no spelling errors? Damn, you must have one faaaantastic editor.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #642 on: 05-21-2006 02:28 »

I would review, but i've completely run out of ways to say "kickass, this rocks!' so i'll just say: "Kickass, this rocks!"
Shiny

Professor
*
« Reply #643 on: 05-23-2006 14:59 »

sextuple...Knotten's Irviss...formal bed-pan....

Have I said recently that you're a genius, Bergmeister?

And I love that the crew is in the front row of Bender's fantasy.  It's little touches like that make your stuff more than just utterly hilarious.  It's a thick layer of hilarity over a good, solid, foundation of insight into and affection for the characters and Futurama as a whole.

Well done, old bean.  And I can't wait to see what the next photo shows....  big grin
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #644 on: 06-06-2006 19:00 »
« Last Edit on: 06-06-2006 19:00 »

Shiny: good to see you hanging around the forums more, you always have something intelligent to say somewhere.  Looking forward to your next update, whenever that may be.  Affection for Futurama?  Yeah, I got that  tongue

Kloudes:  Some readers lurking around?  I’ve got 4 by my count.  But they’ll be back, they always come back... sometimes.

Arkan: Holly is so much fun to write for that reason, she’s the antagonist, per se, but not in the true sense.  Same with Charlie, actually, but he’s got more of a real mean streak in him.  Thanks for reading.

DrT: consider the casbah rocked, or at least verily nudged.  The kneeling bus thing is one of those jokes where my original mental image of what the sight gag would look like is 20 times funnier that the words on paper.  Oh well.

Venus: Kloudes and I miss you, we have no real friends!     big grin


My full PEELathon run down starts  Here  and continues for a few posts, but... seeing as this is the fanfiction section, only Venus and I matter, so here we are:



In similar news, the two of us took time out to get in touch with Layla’s family and conclude, once and for all, that she is not dead.  She is, however, a very busy girl.  Still, good news.

I haven’t even opened my story’s document in weeks.... Yay!!

_________________________
Edit:  Listen to music while you wait... dooo it...
Piano:
JBerges - Untitled Piano Piece 
Video Game:
JBerges - Pinball Theory
Classicalish:
JBerges - Dungeon Door [Title-Screen]
Trance and other stuff at
 jberges.dmusic.com

Kloudes

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #645 on: 06-07-2006 07:36 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
My full PEELathon run down starts  Here  and continues for a few posts, but... seeing as this is the fanfiction section, only Venus and I matter, so here we are:

It's also the fanart section, ya putz...

Also, listen to John's music! It's good!
Shiny

Professor
*
« Reply #646 on: 06-08-2006 00:25 »

Bergey!  Bergmeister!  The Bergster!  Ah, it's good to read your name over on the left and see Leela snarfing buggalo leg....  smile

 
Quote
... seeing as this is the fanfiction section, only Venus and I matter, so here we are:

Wow, you both actually look somewhat like how I pictured you.  That almost NEVER happens...

Well, it's great to see you both, and also great to see you both.  big grin

 
Quote
In similar news, the two of us took time out to get in touch with Layla’s family and conclude, once and for all, that she is not dead. 

  eek  What?!

Oh, wait....it says not dead.  Phew!

Seriously - I read pretty fast, and sort of scan the sentences ahead a lot, and I got to the word "dead" before I saw the word "not."  Gave me a turn for about a nanosecond there...  roll eyes

Well, I glad she's doing well.  I'm glad you're back.  I'm glad Venus is back.  In fact, it's a pretty damn good day.

Life is good.    cool
NIC2001

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #647 on: 06-08-2006 13:29 »

Thanks for the info about Layla Jberges!

I know that she's really busy these days but she could at least give a sign of life to us. (I’ve sent her a birthday card for her birthday and no response since...)

I'm trying to catch up with all of your stories, (I stopped reading a few months ago) so far all I can say is: Great Stuff!!! Keep it up.


 
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #648 on: 06-12-2006 19:45 »
« Last Edit on: 06-12-2006 19:45 »

Shiny:  Precocious little scamps, ain’t we?  You should visit off topic more often, BTW.

NIC:  Thanks for reading.  Stick around, at least til Layla gets back, k?

My God... I’ve sold out...I’m a fraud!     cry  Actually, those of you paying attention should know this part is a long time in the making:

_____________________________ ______

Part 10

Leela winked the spots from her eye and grabbed the contraption from Bender.

“No.  More,” she seethed.  This was her breaking point; any other surplus of emotion would set her over the edge, which is why it must have been the prominent self-destructive side of her psyche driving her pupil photo-ward as the blips faded from her oversized retina.  The result was nearly enough to send her mental-ward. 

More bittersweet than the chocolate she was wishing she had a cubic fathom of right now, the photo was simultaneously a striking rendition of a treasured desire and a slap to the face.  She, Fry and Bender were there, each carrying boxes into a well furnished apartment.  Her parents embraced in the sunlight streaming majestically through the open window-

“Oh, God...” Leela choked.  She’d need a dictionary, a translator, and a Geiger counter to explain how she was feeling at this point, but it didn’t matter.  She broke down just like her ship had before, leaving Fry in the uncomfortable predicament of determining just how much to comfort her, knowing he was a large factor in her current emotional fragility.

Fry lay an arm gently over her shoulder and sat down as close to her as he could without getting tingly.  He looked at the photo as a rush of understanding found its way through his synapses.

“It’s not fair!” She sobbed, “This is how it should be.  The fact that this is only feasible in my wildest dreams is just plain wrong!  My parents belong on Earth’s surface.”  She paused to look around. “WE belong on Earth’s surface!  But nothing’s going right... nothing has since we started.”

She looked Fry in the eyes for the first time, but couldn’t hold her gaze there for more than a second.  She had shown weakness, and she hated that far more than she hated Fry right now.

“I’m sorry.”  She wiped her eye and looked down at the ground. “I should be leading you right now... I just don’t know what to do...  I-”

She stopped; something had caught her attention on the Desiderator.

“Bender, why has this camera taken four pictures?  It should only be three.”

“Well, four is a baker’s three when you think about it...” Bender started to wheedle.

“Just tell her,” Fry insisted. The delivery boy sensed the gravity like an anvil near a neutron star, and for once the robot obliged.

“Oh, alright.  I took Fry’s picture while you were at the bus place.  But it’s not that interesting.”  Bender grudgingly reached into his compartment, pulled out the stashed picture, and handed it to Leela, who, oddly, was finding that she wasn’t as mad at this revelation as she should have been.  Maybe her emotions had finally had enough.

“It’s just a picture of me holding a black piece of paper,” Fry explained, “I mean... I’m not dissing black paper...”  He clarified, “I can just think of a few things I want more... like a light-saber, or a Frisbee!”

Leela skeptically drew in the new picture, slightly calmer now due to the digression.  Indeed, at first glance it was exactly as Fry had described it.  She wouldn't get a second for a little while.

“Well, I wanted to save this for later... but…” Bender started, interrupting all deductions Leela was starting to make.  Regardless, at least this trivial mystery provided some deductions other than those to her sanity.  Bender had produced another device; one Leela had yet to see.

“The camera wasn’t the only cargo?”

“Yeah, what gave that away?” Bender chided, twirling his new toy playfully.  “This is the ...uh... Fry what’s this called?”

“The Lawbreaker one point... something.”

“The Lawbreaker One Point Something!” He repeated proudly.  “It just might be our ticket out of here.”

“Do you know what it does?”

“Honey, do I even need to?”  Bender scoffed, offended. “Whatever it does, I’m going to use it to rob one of these shops and then we’ll have the money to get a ride.  Simple as that.  Now for a test run...or something... yeah.”  He pointed it at a nearby building and pressed a random button.

In her retelling of the event, all Leela could add to her log was “*scene missing*.”

FLASH

The three materialized, currently unaware that they had ever dematerialized, on a shady glen by a worn dirt trail.

“And now that the test run is complete...”  Bender continued, “I need a drink.” He reached into his compartment for a high-proof cocktail.

“What happened?  Did that thing blow up the town?”  Fry shouted, a bit panicky.

“We’re nowheres near where we just were!” Leela exclaimed, looking at her wrist computer.  “We’re 92 miles east of... wait.  We’re right by the ship!”

“But how?”  Fry was gleeful yet confused, which only differed from his usual gleeful ignorance by the desire to learn. 

“Bender...”  Leela started, “That thing doesn’t break criminal laws... it breaks physical laws.  If these readings are correct, we were vaulted here at light speed with no means of propulsion.”

Bender had yet to catch up with his captain or the significance of what she just said.

Doesn’t break criminal laws?  What a rip!”  Bender sighed, but was quick to rebound. “Oh well, let’s see what else it does.”

“Don’t you dare!”  Leela barked.  “We might have gotten lucky this time; next time we could reappear in vacuum, or break some other law and be converted into pure energy!”

“Or we could break the physical law that keeps our teeth from chewing into our own brains!”  Fry added.

“We don’t need it now anyway; we have a mile walk to the ship.  Let’s get a move on,” Leela commanded, steadying herself in her leadership position again.

As they walked up the dirt path, Leela broodingly pulled out her picture again.  It made her so happy... and yet so utterly miserable at the same time, but she kept hoping the first would outweigh the second.  She needed the reassurance.  The monogram in the bottom right caught her attention.  “N.S.”  She wondered what it meant. 

Remembering the puzzle from earlier, she took out Fry’s picture as well.  Apparently taken from the point of view of Fry’s eyes, one hand on each side grasped a black rectangle in the foreground.  The background gave no further clues. The photo had the same exact marking in the bottom right.  Every single picture from the camera had it.  What could—

She froze, letting Fry and Bender get ahead of her.  There was something extra here.  Leela squinted at the picture of two hands grasping a black box...

“The monogram...” she whispered to herself, “The monogram’s on the paper too!  But that means it’s really-”

This thought completed mentally but not audibly, because something even more important had attracted her attention.  The hand on the left side was clearly Fry’s right hand, and the other hand holding it was Fry’s left hand.  That didn’t make any sense.  She noted a hint of red sleeve on the right hand; this was definitely Fry… but…  The photo was practically jammed into her eye at this point, and Leela was fast realizing that the second hand was definitely not Fry’s.  It was too slender, too feminine... too familiar...

It all hit her at once.  It explained it all so well; it had to be right.  It couldn’t be right, but it had to be.  By now Fry had turned around, spotting Leela gaping at one of the photos.  As he reached her, the only sound Leela could make was a half-second unification of a cacophony of emotional byproducts...  Luckily for Leela, it sounded somewhat like a sneeze.

“Uh... Bless you.”

All Leela could do now was look Fry in the eyes as she put the snapshot away.  Fry read the severe insecurity, but misguessed the source photo.

“It’s... it’s OK Leela.  When we get back home we’ll give your parents a good long visit, alright?”  A pleading, yet empathetic smile spread across his lips. 

She had no words, and instead wrapped Fry up in an embrace that would have dented Bender’s back had he been the target.  Fry accepted the lack of oxygen as a fair trade for this moment, and tried his best to console her despite being completely unaware of both what had transpired and the depths of his own affections.  When Leela let go, she spoke only what her emotional semi-permeable membrane would let back out.

“You get on my nerves a lot Fry...  but… but you’re a really good friend.  I just wanted you to know that.”

“And you know I would never want to work with anyone else.”

“Thanks,” She said, wiping yet another tear from her eye.

“If we’re done leaking fluids here, I’d like to get moving again!” shouted Bender; he was far ahead of them by now. “If you don’t hurry up I’m downgrading dinner from secondary to tertiary rib!”

Leela and Fry caught up, not hand in hand, but closer than two would normally walk.  They both had had a slight boost in morale for their own reasons, and perhaps it was in the cards all along that only now could they read the sign around the bend.  It made Leela laugh gawkily and Fry pump his fist teasingly in a minor celebration.


------------------------------
Welcome to Knotten’s Irviss
------------------------------

_____________________________ ______


After something like that I need to bathe in acid.  I’m never writing that much drama into one part again; I’ll leave it to the prose pros.  Still, I hope it was enjoyable and I hope the comic relief was good enough to keep it balanced.  Comments and critiques begged for appreciated.

Brevity is the soul of
Nerd-o-rama

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #649 on: 06-12-2006 19:58 »

My time on the 'net for the moment grows short, Bergey, but since I missed reviewing the last section, I'd just like to thank you for the hilarity.  And the little bit of drama.  With Layla apparently on permanent hiatus, the picture scene there is the equivalent of Unicorn Blood for keeping the emotional side of my psyche alive.

*kills self for referencing Harry Potter*

I might do a full going-over later, but I'll probably forget again.  Sorry.
Shiny

Professor
*
« Reply #650 on: 06-12-2006 20:41 »

OH!  Oh, my! 

[Shiny slags through the floorboards]


Please excuse this interruption of Shinyness due to liquifaction.  We will resume normal Shiny communication (and comments) after re-solidification has been achieved.


Seriously - JB, you just did something my brain.  Someting good, but I'm gonna have to...go away a bit and recover before I can comment rationally on this.


No, I'm not crying.  I have allergies.  I'm goin' away now...be back soon... *sniff*

Spacedal11

Space Pope
****
« Reply #651 on: 06-12-2006 20:50 »

 
Quote
“Well, four is a baker’s three when you think about it...” Bender started to wheedle.

Math jokes! Yay!

Ok I'll be honest, I don't even remember the parts that I have already read so I'm gonna start over cause I'm not at all sure of what the hell has been going on. So I'll come back later with a full review starting from A to Z. Don't expect me for a few months  wink.
Xanfor

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #652 on: 06-12-2006 20:53 »

Wow, this is... JBERGES-level excellent!

Oh, wait a second...

I wish I had your vocabulary... Then I would be able to say what needs to be said... In the meanwhile, I'll be hiding behind Shiny. She makes pretty good excuses. Allergies... Uh,... Me too! Xanfor runs away quickly, hiding his head...

Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #653 on: 06-13-2006 02:43 »

My insides feel all wiggly. In a good way.
PCC Fred

Space Pope
****
« Reply #654 on: 06-13-2006 07:14 »

 
Quote
Posted by Spacedal:
Ok I'll be honest, I don't even remember the parts that I have already read so I'm gonna start over cause I'm not at all sure of what the hell has been going on.

I was in the same boat, so I've just spent the last three hours reading the story from the beginning.  I love your work that much, JBERGES!

Brilliant last couple of updates.  I'll admit I wasn't too sure about this story to begin with, but second time around it reads better.  It goes without saying that's the humourous side's great, and the dramatic side of it's really coming together now.  And there's even some shippy in there as well!  Great stuff!
Arkan

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #655 on: 06-13-2006 14:39 »

*pretends she understands the whole photo thing as well as everyone else seems to*

Yayness! I like shippy! And it was well balanced with humour, too. What more could I aks for?

I had no idea it had been so long since your last update. Seems like only yesterday... Time sure flies fast when you're suffering lack of updates-induced boredom!

Yay! More! Now!  love
Shiny

Professor
*
« Reply #656 on: 06-13-2006 18:34 »
« Last Edit on: 06-13-2006 18:34 »

Actually, Arkan, upon re-reading, I'm not so sure it is what I thought it is...but I'm not going to ask, or say what I think, b/c I don't want to ruin it for anyone.  I'll just wait for more story to see if I'm right...

[Inigo Montoya]You keep readin tha' sentense...I don' think it means wha' you think it means...[/Inigo]   tongue

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBerges
Shiny: ...You should visit off topic more often, BTW.

You mean, go to one of the sections where they talk about something...other than Futurama...?  /Shiny rolls this around in her brain.

I suppose...it would be possible to do that...I mean, Futurama occasionally gets mentioned there, right?  I wouldn't have to go, y'know, cold turkey?


  wink
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #657 on: 06-13-2006 19:02 »
« Last Edit on: 06-13-2006 19:02 »

Haha.  You think you're going to get more information on the matter?  How cute! I'm not a drama writer at heart, I dabbled a bit, and now the plot must go on!

If you want to discuss/guess/complain without ruining it* use or email me; I need more friends anyway.

*Though in my opinion, a spoiler must be of a higher quality before you can "ruin it."

Better replies coming (much) later...
Nerd-o-rama

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #658 on: 06-13-2006 19:24 »

Kloudes

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #659 on: 06-13-2006 21:33 »

Not to be a Hermione, but I happen to know that's not quite right. (I'm sleeping with the writer.)

You're... on the right track, but I think it's actually a little simpler than that. *waits for John to beat her up*
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #660 on: 06-13-2006 22:03 »

yey drama!  I really need a lawbreaker version one point whatever...  That picture-within-a-picture thing was brilliant, and I'll just do the same thing as Arkan and pretend I have the slightest clue as to what it means.   big grin.   
Shiny

Professor
*
« Reply #661 on: 06-13-2006 23:25 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
Haha.  You think you're going to get more information on the matter?  How cute! I'm not a drama writer at heart, I dabbled a bit, and now the plot must go on!

Drama IS plot, cara scéalaí...character plot, that is.  wink

I know, I know, you're an "event story" or "idea story" writer...but you do drama so very well, I hope you'll continue to indulge every now and then. 

 
Quote
If you want to discuss/guess/complain without ruining it* use

That never works...

Anyway, I'll drop you a lion (she said cagily).

Shiny

Nerd-o-rama

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #662 on: 06-14-2006 12:47 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Kloudes:
(I'm sleeping with the writer.)[/small
I'm so jealous...

...err, of John, I mean.

<_<
>_>

"Finally, I get to save the Earth with deadly lasers instead of deadly slide shows."

GP: 100 Nixorbucks
XP: 500
Next level: 1000
Kloudes

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #663 on: 06-14-2006 20:23 »

Of course.  big grin

I forgot to say, this part made me tear up a little, much to my chagrin.  I've never really liked the whole Leela's parents drama; I guess I can't really empathize and I don't like to think about it.  But for some reason, the part about Leela's photograph simultaneously made me cry and  roll my eyes.  Yes, I'm apparently evil.
Arkan

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #664 on: 06-14-2006 20:36 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Shiny:
That never works...

Yeah, but at least no one can complain if they read something they didn't want to!  tongue

I thought it was basically what N-o-r said, too, but apparently not... My brain hurts now from trying to work it out. I'll do it later. Or let someone else reveal it...


 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
Haha. You think you're going to get more information on the matter? How cute! I'm not a drama writer at heart, I dabbled a bit, and now the plot must go on!

Yup, 'tis as I feared...no more clues. Ah well.
Shiny's right, though; you really should write more drama.
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #665 on: 06-14-2006 20:48 »
« Last Edit on: 06-14-2006 20:48 »

READ ONLY AFTER YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY SURE YOU CARE WHAT THE PICTURE MEANS


Ugh, after typing that out it's not as cool as when I first thought of it... Jesus Christ over a year ago now.  I've been writing this story forever...  cry
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #666 on: 06-14-2006 21:48 »
« Last Edit on: 06-14-2006 21:48 »

Don't be alarmed, J, but I happen to know three good witches placed enchantments on you when you were born, but the one evil witch who wasn't invited placed a curse on you.  The witch said, "This boy will grow old, forever writing a Futurama fanfic.  Empires will rise and fall, mountains will be born and then crumble to the sea, and still will he be at the keyboard of his computer, endlessly writing, restlessly editing, and forever posting this tale."

Your parents scoffed, "A computer?  Those things will never catch on!"

How did I come to know this is true?  I am the evil witch!

...

Seriously, I'm not.  Good work though.  You handle shippiness with reckless efficacy.  You've avoided the "wooly mammoth doing the foxtrot"-feel that plagues the shippy segments of some fanfics.  The whole photo thing is an excellent construction.  I had a feeling it was going to be a plot device, but I did not forsee it used along this line.

Kudos. 

 
Quote

“The Lawbreaker one point... something.”

“The Lawbreaker One Point Something!” He repeated proudly. “It just might be our ticket out of here.”

That section reminded me of one of my favorite "Pinky and the Brain" bits:

Pinky: Presenting Lord..um.  Narf!  What, Brain?
The Brain: Lumpfordchestershire.
Pinky: ...Lumpfordsomethingshire!
English fellow: Welcome, Lord Narfumwhatbrainlumpfordsometh ingshire...
NIC2001

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #667 on: 06-15-2006 13:09 »

Nice work Jberges! I really like the story so far. (The black picture part is really great. That's so Fry!) Keep it up! 

 
Nerd-o-rama

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #668 on: 06-15-2006 18:53 »

Ah, good.

DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #669 on: 06-15-2006 21:35 »

JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #670 on: 06-23-2006 07:54 »

Delayed replies, yay! Futurama is TEH BACK (probably)  Yay!



Nerdo:  While I like big reviews and stuff (who wouldn’t) the important thing is knowing people are reading; that’s all that really matters.  You’re free to get into bed with Kloudes anytime you want; just be warned that she tries to strangle people to death in her sleep. (I’m serious)

Shiny:  “Did something to your brain?”  I’d like some clarification on that one.  Drama is good in little pieces in stuff like this, and I’ll only do ship when it’s properly subdued and at least kind of subtly clever, because that’s how Futurama always did it, and I try to hold true to that original style.  I’ll let the others handle the fully dramatic stories, they do angst better anyways.

Spacedal11:  Are you only replying cause I chided you?  Yes?  Good. When you come back after reading the whole thing I’d like to hear how it flows as a whole story, not just as a bunch of parts.  (That goes for anyone else that feels like doing the same thing too.)  Take your time, and thanks for making an appearance.

Xanfor:  Yeah, I use some big words sometimes, but I also check a thesaurus when one’s on the tip of my tongue/finger but I can’t quite remember if I have the right spelling/definition.  There’s no shame in that.  Thanks for reading.

Venus: At least it’s wiggly in a good way.  The bad way means appendicitis, trust me, I know… glad you liked it.  This was that bit of ship I’ve been promising for years, it wasn’t much but at least I held my word.

PCC Fred:   I wasn’t too sure about this story to begin with either; I think my shaky writing style at the beginning proves that.  I think it’s come quite a ways in the year or so, and though it’s far from a swansong, I’ll take it.

Arkan:  Y’know, I’ve been trying to place how old you are, and have been failing miserably.   So far, I’ve narrowed it down to somewhere between Dal’s age (8) and Shiny’s age (66).  Feel free to keep that mystery going, mind you, I just felt like mentioning it so I had more to say to you than ‘thanks for reading.’  Because that’s boring.

Kloudes:  To your credit, you had a pretty close guess before I told you what was going on.  Yes, you are evil; we know.  But if you weren’t, you wouldn’t have given me the tough but fair beta, and that’s what really brought everything together.  Thanks.

soylentOrange: The picture in picture is my little way of trying to stay ahead of you in the confusing department, cause I think you’ve got The ButterFry Effect beat with your current piece  tongue

DrThunder88:  Oddly, I remember that bit, and I was never a huge Pinky and the Brain fan.  As for your spoilered question, that may be a subject that comes full circle at the end, but I’m not so sure yet.  We’ll see. "wooly mammoth doing the foxtrot"-feel?  I don’t know what that means, but I like the mental image!

NIC2001:  Hey, thanks for catching up!  Glad you enjoyed it.  Note Layla came back as soon as I mentioned it… how odd.  I mean… I knew all along! In fact, I caused it!  Shower me with praise!!



This concludes the part of the story where you stay alive I know what I’m doing.  I had the plot planned out this far nearly from day one, and I have an ending in mind as well.  The several updates in between, however, I still need to work out.  Expect a delay in the next update due to planning a good connection from here to the finale. 

Thanks one more time to everyone for bothering to respond.  I hope my explanation made sense and wasn't too much of a stretch. 
Xanfor

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #671 on: 06-23-2006 08:06 »

Hey, I like big words. I just with I could use them as well as to can well as you can without TotalnerdUK jumpingon me and getting me all discombobulated. Besides, I'm working on my fan fic as well, and as you know, it's a movie script, so it's very long. And I've come up with some really good science puns and I'm afraid to read any more of your fics because I'm afriad you'll use them before I can!

First reply!

Arkan

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #672 on: 06-23-2006 09:14 »

Um, yay! I'm between 8 and 66!  big grin

I really like the explanation. It makes a lot of sense, plus it's really cool (and sweet! Yay shippy!).

I don't like the idea of a delay as much, though. But ah well, I'm not the one writing it, so I can't complain... I'm sure the update will be worth it when it arrives.  smile
Nerd-o-rama

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #673 on: 06-24-2006 03:52 »
« Last Edit on: 06-24-2006 03:52 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:


Nerdo:  ...You’re free to get into bed with Kloudes anytime you want; just be warned that she tries to strangle people to death in her sleep. (I’m serious)
If I print this, does it count as 'in writing' for the purposes of next year's PEELathon?

As always, this comment is strictly    wink
Shiny

Professor
*
« Reply #674 on: 06-24-2006 10:00 »
« Last Edit on: 06-24-2006 10:00 »

I am NOT 66!  Dude, read your email!   tongue


Edited to add: And I'm working on further commentary.  It's been a nutso week....

Xanfor

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #675 on: 06-28-2006 09:08 »

Well, I'm glad you're not 66. If that were that case, I'd be in no position to be giving you writing advice.  wink

And JBERGES, I just read the story again, and it clicked. I got it! All the shippy aspects, everything! I must not have been thinking clearly the first time I read it.
 
Quote
emotional semi-permeable membrane
Don't they make a formula that dissolves those?  wink

Truthfully, that would have made a great episode, or even a movie. What's Leela's next move going to be, now that she's seen this? (Smiles a smile that looks slightly reminisent, and yet also encoraging of emotionalisms)
(Then changes into the shippy you-know-what-we want-better-happen scowl and stern pointed finger)

And no, you can not have any of my science or math puns. (I've got a really good one on the standard form of a quadratic equation... (ax² + bx + c = 0))

SlackJawedMoron

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #676 on: 06-29-2006 11:28 »

Arrgh. I suck. I can't actually read this things at this time of night and actually take any of them in. Trent Reznor has killed my brain, so perhaps I'm just not into the spirit of things. Also, I've completlely forgotten everything that happened before chapters 8&9. Why the hell I'm providing excuses for not critiqing your work, I dunno. I do remember that your Zapp 'sex-tupple' joke was utterly brilliant and so true to the character it made my eyes, nose and feet water, but honestly. It's a blank. I should get some sleep.

However, take at is a testement to my faith in your writing abilites that I'm quite sure it was excellent.

PS. I'm miss Tongue Luck and her actual criticism. All this gushing... nothing scares me more than large groups of people agreeing with each other.  tongue
Ride The Walrus

Crustacean
*
« Reply #677 on: 07-20-2006 01:30 »
« Last Edit on: 07-20-2006 01:30 »

I'm pretty new to these threads so I've only had a chance to read your first, JBERGES, and I must say I am very impressed. Not only are you plot driven and character conscious, but you're also funny. I am now officially a fan.

That was one Branigannesque feat of literary bravado.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #678 on: 07-20-2006 02:51 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:


Nerdo:  You’re free to get into bed with Kloudes anytime you want;

NO! Kloudes adopted me at Peelathon, that makes you my daddy. I don't want a step-daddy! Although feel free to send child-support at any time.
HopelessShipper

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #679 on: 07-20-2006 02:58 »

What is this Peelathon that is occasionally mentioned? (I would plead noob, but I have too many posts for that. So I guess I'm just ignorant.)
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