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Author Topic: Guy you've never heard of writes something mediocre!  (Read 30086 times)
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Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #560 on: 09-21-2005 06:26 »

Bergey there are not enough E's in the English language to express my rapturous joy. A crisis and the fun and bliss that is school prevent me from reviewing properly right now, but I will.

Demeter:"Worthy of an episode" So true! Dr. Thunder, if you could kindly stop sending massive thunderstorms to shake my house just as I'm falling asleep for the first time in 48 hours I'd appreciate it!  wink
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #561 on: 09-22-2005 02:36 »

Hey, I'm not the only Thunder around here.  What about...um, VelourThunder?
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #562 on: 09-22-2005 19:00 »

Oh, so it's a conspiracy, eh? You're all agin me! Panic!

And now a review! Why am I not surprised that punifying marks your long awaited return?

I decided to enjoy a nice leisurely, recappy read through your delicious prose when I noticed this.

 
Quote
Leela let out a sigh that could extinguish a birthday cake

Subtle Simpsons ref, or am I hallucinating? Either way, fun phrase, very visual.

Heh, and I owe you some credit I think, for preying leechlike off the "Czech" joke. I knew I'd see it somewhere, just couldn't think where. Now I can't remember where I wrote my own shameless version. Ah, well. Cheque's in the mail.  wink

 
Quote
Zoidberg tried to appear dignified, “Hffmph. Jabs at my disposition won’t faze me.”
Either I missed this or it's new, or I've forgotten about it. Either way it caused much laughter, which you can now picture.

 
Quote
“A bit, yes.” Zoidberg mused, then suddenly felt culpable. “Uh... I was just here checking to make sure this cargo wasn’t... uh... askew,” he said, making sure to flagrantly shift one box slightly to the left, completing the elaborate ruse.

And this too! You've changed a fair bit. I didn't think you could get any better Bergey, but I were wrong.  big grin

I won't keep quoting, cause that's no fun for you, but squueeee! I missed you! (Well, less you, more your writing. Heheh.)

Why don't I try a little constructive critisism here? It's unbelievably finicky because you don't make gross errors, so I have no alternative. Feel free to ignore me.
 
Quote
No matter what horrors awaited them at this undoubtedly sketchy rest stop
"Horrors" is such a drastic word, and sketchy seems almost a kidish way of saying "not good". It seems a bit contradictory. However, I betcha if I read it again, I wouldn't notice.

Oh, one more quote of happiness(by one more, I mean lots!):

 
Quote
and the bank said that it was terrific!”

“You mean outstanding?”
Laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, whee!
And super excellent call back to the check thing!
(Yes, I know super excellent is grammatically atrocious. It's the internet, at least I can spell most of the time.)

 
Quote
Everything else had been left to putrefy into a rancid shabbiness, a comatose scrap of an insipid past kept alive by a bubble of the finest mandated technology.
Best description ever!!! and what a sentence!
I always love the seamless, and hilarious way you use science in your writing. The soundless wind... awesome!

 
Quote
re-pair socks...”
Classic Bergey.

There's too much new fun stuff in here for me to begin to cover them all, John, but know that you've amazed, amused, and alliterated me to awe-inspiring, er... awnings.

Zoidberg is an absolute scream all the way through. If was unconsciously modelling your writing of him before, I'm doing it on purpose from now on. If Futurama was still on the air, I'd be pushing for you to submit a script.

 
Quote
only the simplest of mechanical operations take up two bits.”

I want to bear your children.

 
Quote
A smile that could brighten a dark room, and thus cause all those around to quaver at the sight of its bearer, crept onto the interloper.

Mmm... basking in Bergey love. Platonic love is still love!

 
Quote
proclivity to finding
Methinks that should be for finding.

 
Quote
It tasted like soufflé.
Call backs make good fics great fics. As a side note, Charlie still creeps me out majorly.

I loved Kui and Holly right from the beginning and kudos to you for having someone comment on Zoidberg's pronouciation of robot. It's about freaking time somebody did!

A Killbot with moral hang ups and Holly trying to avoid female stereotypes. Funness!

 
Quote
He was usually oblivious to it, choosing instead to lament over his minor shortcomings in life- how poor he was, his lack of good friends, how every single letter he had ever received from a woman was a Dear John letter.

I was way, way too amused by this! Dear John. (giggles childishly). Loved that "minor" shortcomings header too. Poor Zoidy... and he's such an awful doctor.

Brilliant last line, which is appropriate because of all the preceding brilliance! Honestly, you've reminded me why I loved your stories way back in my lurking days. You're such a careful writer, very precise in the details. It's very difficult to do that consistantly. I certainly can't. The hindrance of thinking on an epic scale is that you tend to gloss over those precious specifics. Clarity is one of your great strengths, John, as well as hilarious wordplay, perfect characterization, elegant, intelligent prose... well, I've raved enough.

Glad you're back, buddy!
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #563 on: 09-24-2005 21:21 »
« Last Edit on: 09-24-2005 21:21 »

Demeter:  Hey, thanks for wandering into my thread and taking the time to say something!  Glad you liked it; nice art by the way.

DrThunder:  Yes, “Kui” is a joke you’re missing, but are supposed to miss, so don't worry.  Many of the characters I introduce are little side jokes to certain regular readers. 

Layla:  Thanks for yet another lengthy review.  Good to see you had enough free time to read the whole thing.  Had a feeling you’d like the “Dear John” joke...  Callbacks may seem intelligent, but are basically me rehashing the stuff I’ve already done when I can’t think of something new.  In conclusion, be wary of choosing a mate based on the quality of their puns.   tongue

Kloudes:  “Doesn’t seem like it.”   Indeed.  Where’d all my other buddies go...    cry


OK Thunda, you've helped me set a new goal.  Next part out before thanksgiving!  I have faith in myself!
boingo2000

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #564 on: 09-27-2005 18:05 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
Until next time, here’s hoping some missing PEELers return from the land of the missing...

Well, OK... but only because you asked so nice.

Actually, there's a perfectly good excuse for my absense... I quit my job, and no longer spend all day staring at a computer screen. (I'm going back to school to learn TV Production.)

It's good to see you've lost none of your skills, JBERGES.  Looking forward to the next installment.
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #565 on: 09-28-2005 02:59 »

That wasn't a goal!  That was a sarcasm!  Sarcasm!

Please ignore this insane rant if you're talking about Canadian Thanksgiving.
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #566 on: 09-28-2005 06:57 »

Well naturally he's talking about Canadian Thanksgiving. One of the requirements in his beta contract is to take on my holidays!  wink

You're welcome for the review, Bergey, though I urge you to think about the excellent writers we'd produce before rejecting my offer.  smile
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #567 on: 09-28-2005 19:46 »

hi, im the obligatory new guy that posts praise on everybody's fanfic threads.  As such, I just wanted to say that I love your stuff JBerges.  Its good enough to be made into actual futurama episodes!
Ralph Snart

Agent Provocateur
Near Death Star Inhabitant
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #568 on: 09-29-2005 19:22 »

Hi new guy.  I suggest that you take the time and go way back and start reading the fan fics on this site.  Venus has a killer story in progress; Layla50 has a story still in progress that spans 1.5 years and is still going (but it sounds like the next couple of installments will wrap it up); Shiny has a fic that has us on the edge of our seats.  Then there's the art by Mint, Deminter and many others.  JBerges stuff is good (the next time I catch TLZ up for a few hours I'll d/l all his stuff).  Even I have put a fledging effort into writing (which is harder than it looks - these writers make it look easy) - I'm lucky that a few of these patrons have taken me under their wings (with a BIG hug and kiss being blown to SpaceCase).

A lot of these stories are actually superior to a lot of the eps that Futurama aired. 

I have to give -marc- a big nod for making the site possible, and to the mods for keeping the trash from destroying it (Nixorbo, Nerd-A-Rama, Kryten and all the others that police the various areas).

This site is a gift - enjoy it, I know that I have!
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #569 on: 09-29-2005 19:30 »

yeah i read through Layla's fic over the course of the past few days, only to find its one chapter short of complete.  doh!  Ive got a fic of my own in the works but its far from complete
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #570 on: 09-29-2005 21:53 »

Kinda a late review. But better late then never right? Anyway as i've already gushed to JBERGES over the phone this was awesome. The legend and the key joke was enjoyable as well as the whole incident with the lion. And i love the idea of a kill-bot with emotional hangups!
Nerd-o-rama

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #571 on: 09-29-2005 22:18 »

Heheheh.  Someone thought I was a mod.  I hope that doesn't mean I'm as much of a bastard Nazi awesomenator as Nixorbo or Kryten.
Ralph Snart

Agent Provocateur
Near Death Star Inhabitant
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #572 on: 09-29-2005 22:34 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Venus:
And i love the idea of a kill-bot with emotional hangups!

Then you'll LOVE Dave's 'Background Noise' - he has a killbot with MAJOR emotional issues.

 
Quote
Originally posted by Nerd-O-Rama:
Heheheh. Someone thought I was a mod. I hope that doesn't mean I'm as much of a bastard Nazi awesomenator as Nixorbo or Kryten.


Oops, I thought that you were one of the netcops.  Well then, change your name to Teral, since I KNOW he's a mod.

Okay you cunts, let's see what you can do now.
Kloudes

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #573 on: 09-29-2005 23:53 »

Teral. Is. Not. A. Mod.

Cheers  big grin
Ralph Snart

Agent Provocateur
Near Death Star Inhabitant
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #574 on: 09-30-2005 01:41 »

Damned!  I got 2 wrong?

Somebody shoot me and put me out of my misery.
Professy

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #575 on: 09-30-2005 02:24 »

Wow JBERGES I love your fanfics. They are so like Futurama. You should have become a Futurama writer. I'm not very good at writing lengthy reviews so don't think that I'm lazy or ignorant. Anyways, I will be watching out for more of your fanfics.
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #576 on: 09-30-2005 02:41 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Ralph Snart:
Damned!  I got 2 wrong?

Somebody shoot me and put me out of my misery.

Shh, tell everyone that was a joke.  Teral is always being mistaken for a moderator, or uh...I'm always mistaking him for a moderator and assuming everyone else blunders and blunderfully as I.
Leo

Delivery Boy
**
« Reply #577 on: 10-02-2005 13:36 »

Crumbs, how did I not pick up on this thread during my months of lurking? I feel so dirty! (tries to dust himself down) Ahh the dirt's not coming off!

Seriously though JBERGES, all the fics you've posted have been quality and I think it's interesting how your writing style has developed throughout - I like the way you've become more aware and descriptive of character thoughts and emotions, but not overly so that it becomes out of place and stilts what else is happening, as occurs in lesser fics by lesser writers.

I particularly like your characterisation of Leela and your further involvement of Zoidberg, who seems to be oft overlooked in other fics.
M0le

Space Pope
****
« Reply #578 on: 10-06-2005 09:30 »

If you'll allow me to be grotesquely unfair here for a minute here Berges, after reading through all of your posted work in order for the first time since I forgot everything that happened in the last two years (because of that cursed packet of minties), and I'm ashamed to say I prefered your earlier work. There's nothing wrong with your "new" writing style, but it seems a bit like you're trying to... change the way you write to be more Douglas Adams-esque?
Shiny

Professor
*
« Reply #579 on: 10-07-2005 01:27 »

Douglas Adams originally wrote the Guide as radio scripts, which I have the book of; I think you must not have read them, because based on that I believe Bergie's style has grown more distinct, more "his own," and as he shifted into prose.

While of course similarities are going to exist (given that both writers are working with science fiction comedy, are fond of clever wordplay, and funny enough to cause an increase in the sale of Depends), I don't think they're any more alike than any other two brilliant writers working in the same genre.
Tongue Luck

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #580 on: 10-10-2005 15:20 »

Hmm. I've already given my opinion on the Adams-alike issue, and I don't have much else to say about it right now. But setting aside M0le's more specific complaint in favor of the general, I admit I can see where he's coming from. It's funny, clever stuff, but I'm not enjoying it as much as a lot of the earlier writing.

Looks like I'll essentially be repeating my Adams stance after all, though, because I don't really see it as a problem. I think when you plow headlong into something new without a practice run, it's bound to be an evolving process. Sort of like how Unseen Censor showed a whole lot of potential but maybe didn't fulfill it as much as the later fics (sorry!), I feel like this one is teetering on the edge of being something excellent but might not've jumped just yet. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, so I guess I'll just make with the fangirl stuff.

I really dig Holly. I think it was the shirt-tugging at the "chubby for a bandit" joke (very "And don't call me Shirley!" by the way) that won me over, strange as it sounds. I tend to rock the self-conscious clothes adjustments like skin's going out of style, so it made for a really nice little touch of human realism, sort of like that time Leela played with the salt shaker and the whole audio commentary room had a collective orgasm. Just to reaffirm what a loser I am, I must admit that the KUI concept totally reminded me of those Animorph books. There were these robots called the Chee (or possibly Chi), and they were, like, super super strong, but they were inherently nonviolent, except there was this Pemalite Crystal (nothing like Fortranvar Crystal) that could override that programming to let them kill shit, and one of them (his hiding-out-on-Earth name might've been Eric, or I might've made that up) got the reprogram but then he was all sad because he had this advanced robot brain and had to keep reliving the memories of the murders in excruciating detail and he felt way too guilty and terrible to ever kill again. And the fact that I can still recall all that explains why there was never room in my head for the state capitals in elementary school. Uh, anyway, it's a neat idea.

Visits from the Ghost of Fandoms Past aside, this was another very amusing segment. I especially got a kick out of the rowboat, the dear John letters, the afforementioned chubby joke, ion you, the resurgence of bad doctor jokes (particularly the hypochondria and the tourniquet), and the key/legend stuff. Hey, if you'll be submitting it to TLZ (knock on wood), you'll need a title, woncha? I always get strangely excited about seeing what those things turn out to be, so yay!

I'm trying to cut back on the overzealous punctuation proofreading a little, but this'un is possible nitpick, definite clarifying question:
 
Quote
She jogged back to the Zoidberg, snatched the ships’ keys from him,
So, either you mean ship's keys, as in the keys of one ship, or you're correct and I'm confused and you mean, like, the keys of the Foster ship and the PE ship. I don't know. I had to take a step back at this point and realize I've completely lost track of everyone's inventory. With my last breath, I curse that apostrophe!

Also:
 
Quote
Originally posted by DrThunder88:
  • Is "KUI" a play off of "DUI" or is there another joke I'm missing?  I only ask because it seems a little awkward.
I think it could become less awkward if it were presented differently. As it stands, you've got,
 
Quote
Ever since teaming up with K.U.I., the Killbot Under Inhibition (basically your standard killbot with some severe moral hang-ups)

and then a little later,
 
Quote
“KUI is short for a ‘Killbot Under Inhibition,” replied Holly
The problem, I think, is that you're essentially repeating yourself in a very short amount of time. I've already stated (like, twice) that I dig the joke that the second quote sets up, but maybe the first needs tweaking. There're a couple ways it could be de-awkward-ized, I think. If there was a little more description than "(basically your standard killbot with some severe moral hang-ups)", then maybe it wouldn't feel like you were repeating half of your explanation just a few paragraphs after we heard it the first time. Either that, or go with less. The canon has kind of a problem with overexplaining acronyms (shut up, FART), and I think there's even less need for them to be spelled out, for lack of a better term, in writing. So maybe if you simplified the first explanation to tell us his deal without going into the acronym, the second quote would feel less redundant.

And it just occurred to me that it's been about 22 hours since I've eaten, and that I only had an apple and half a biscuit at that time. So if none of this makes sense, blame hunger pains. If you excuse me, I've got a date with some instant oatmeal.
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #581 on: 10-10-2005 15:34 »
« Last Edit on: 10-10-2005 15:34 »

Delayed responses ahoy.  What are the odds Tongue and I decided to respond within 15 minutes of each other?  Odds indeed.  New part slooooowly in the works… stupid college.

boingo2000:   (Latches to boingo’s leg like a loving granddaughter) …and don’t ever leave again!!  Production, eh?  It’s an awesome field, best of luck getting into the business.

DrT:  I’m working on it…

SoylentOrange:  Every time we find a competent new guy, and angel gets an order of chicken wings… or something. Thanks for poking in here to say some stuff; I promise to respond in suit in the near future. Great people have been saying great things about your work.

Layla: And as I told you, think how neurotic they’d be.  Oh my, yes.

Ralph Snart: Ah, the fanfic mobile advertisement unit, sending new people on noble quests across PEEL to scour all good fanfic on the boards.  Hope to hear what you think of my work when you get around to reading it.  Until then, continue your quest, oh gallant crossing guard of PEEL literature.    tongue

Venus:  Always better late than never… like this response for instance.  I had the legend key joke from the beginning, and I finally got to use it, thus wiping my story notes clean for the first time (hence the long delay)

Nerdo:  You mentioned somewhere about being too lazy to review here. That’s OK, just nice to know people are reading it.  Seems kinda pointless otherwise.

Professy: Tell ya what, if Futurama comes back to TV, you send them a recommendation, cause I’d be glad to do it.  As I’ve said, don’t feel obliged to write long reviews if you have nothing to say, just popping in here to say you read it and did/didn’t enjoy it is enough to make it worthwhile.

Leo:  This thread always seems to slip by people at first; I think the Layls/Venus/Shiny trinity of estrogen and pheromones are enough to attract anything.   big grin  Glad you enjoyed it; I’ll try to keep the updates coming.

M0le:  It’s all personal preference, I suppose.  I freely admit a change in priorities.  My jokes are not quite as rapid fire as before, and I’m more focused on clever exposition and smirk inducing one-liners than the “set-up…  big gag, set-up… big gag” mentality.  I like both styles, I really do; but I just didn’t have it in me to write a sixth story using the same formula as before.  And, in the long run, the former is funnier than the later to many, including myself.  Still, I enjoy writing the prose style, it’s a nice change of pace.  Sounding like Adams is my biggest current fault, and I’ve been trying to assuage that as much as possible, but I’m not wholly there.   And for anyone wondering my personal opinion on my best work, it was The ButterFry Effect.  I won’t top that. 

Shiny:  Aw, thanks  for defending me.  I just stated my opinion on the matter, but it’s nice to know some do prefer the new style.   Good to see you around.

Tongue:  Again, see M0le response for Adams/funniness stuff.  I’ll never understand why ‘Perfumed’ is my highest rated fic on TLZ… it’s just so clunky.  Oh well.  Y’know, I hadn’t even noticed the horrific repeat in acronyms.  That was due to the fact that those two parts were written days and days apart.  I’ll fix that rightly indeed, along with the “ship’s" thing. Now, am I going to have to latch on to your leg to keep you around too?    tongue.

Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #582 on: 10-10-2005 16:34 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Tongue Luck:
so it made for a really nice little touch of human realism, sort of like that time Leela played with the salt shaker and the whole audio commentary room had a collective orgasm.

Not just the audio commentary room.

 
Quote
Just to reaffirm what a loser I am, I must admit that the KUI concept totally reminded me of those Animorph books. There were these robots called the Chee (or possibly Chi), and they were, like, super super strong, but they were inherently nonviolent, except there was this Pemalite Crystal (nothing like Fortranvar Crystal) that could override that programming to let them kill shit, and one of them (his hiding-out-on-Earth name might've been Eric, or I might've made that up) got the reprogram but then he was all sad because he had this advanced robot brain and had to keep reliving the memories of the murders in excruciating detail and he felt way too guilty and terrible to ever kill again. And the fact that I can still recall all that explains why there was never room in my head for the state capitals in elementary school. Uh, anyway, it's a neat idea.

I read those too. Yes they were called the Chee and that one guys name was Eric. Let the fact that i still know all that console you that you're not the only loser around.
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #583 on: 10-11-2005 04:26 »

So here it is, Canadian Thanksgiving has come and gone.  I got up early to watch the Canadian Thanksgiving Day Parade.  There were so many happy people lining the streets.  The people in the parade were happy as well.  There were floats and bands and giant balloons.  I thought I saw a balloon shaped like a JBERGES update, but it was probably just the anticipation of a real JBERGES update.  The promise of which, coincidentally, was also highly inflated.  Why, I had hoped after finishing my traditional Canadian Thanksgiving dinner of Canadian bacon, beer, and...um, hockey pucks, that I would sit down at my computer and read through another great JBERGES update.  Well, there wasn't one.  Then I decided I'd go watch the traditional Canadian Thanksgiving Day Canadian Football game to give you some time to finish and post.  Sadly, my beloved Toronto Argos got beaten by my affectionately-neutral Edmunton Eskimoes.  But a loss on the metric gridiron was not nearly so heart-wrenching as returning to my computer to find a JBERGES update simply nonpresent.  So I went back upstairs to find the newspaper.  I figured I'd go through the sale pages and get together a list for tomorrow, which, if rumors are to be believed, happens to be the biggest Christmas shopping day in Canada.  But of all the things I could buy, I guess I just can't buy a JBERGES update.

Those of you who've been around long enough know that you can save time by skipping right to the last few lines of my posts instead of reading the whole thing.  That being said: Don't worry, J.  Nobody's rushing you.

*Plays sad, Seymore death music*
Professy

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #584 on: 10-11-2005 07:09 »

Okay, thank you JBERGES. 
Quote
Originally Posted By JBERGES:
Stupid College

Yes of course, Stupid College

Da Da Da Da Do'hhhhhhh ~ McDonalds Remix
M0le

Space Pope
****
« Reply #585 on: 10-11-2005 23:34 »

 
Quote
Just to reaffirm what a loser I am, I must admit that the KUI concept totally reminded me of those Animorph books. There were these robots called the Chee (or possibly Chi), and they were, like, super super strong, but they were inherently nonviolent, except there was this Pemalite Crystal (nothing like Fortranvar Crystal) that could override that programming to let them kill shit, and one of them (his hiding-out-on-Earth name might've been Eric, or I might've made that up) got the reprogram but then he was all sad because he had this advanced robot brain and had to keep reliving the memories of the murders in excruciating detail and he felt way too guilty and terrible to ever kill again.
Ya, the Chee, Eric King was his name and standing around talking was his game.  roll eyes If I had a superadvanced robot I'd be memorizing lottery numbers, not fighting for the freedom of Earth.
 
Quote
M0le: It’s all personal preference, I suppose. I freely admit a change in priorities. My jokes are not quite as rapid fire as before, and I’m more focused on clever exposition and smirk inducing one-liners than the “set-up… big gag, set-up… big gag” mentality. I like both styles, I really do; but I just didn’t have it in me to write a sixth story using the same formula as before. And, in the long run, the former is funnier than the later to many, including myself. Still, I enjoy writing the prose style, it’s a nice change of pace. Sounding like Adams is my biggest current fault, and I’ve been trying to assuage that as much as possible, but I’m not wholly there. And for anyone wondering my personal opinion on my best work, it was The ButterFry Effect. I won’t top that.
I'm being mean and surly and I need to be punished.  frown
There's nothing wrong with your current style by the way (in fact I really like it, being a big fan of Pratchett and Adams) and in fact it's probably the best way to write any kind of story, but I really loved your older stuff. Bah, either way, yours is the only fan-fiction I'll ever read.
Except for certain Ted Danson/Gary Coleman crossover love. tongue
Ralph Snart

Agent Provocateur
Near Death Star Inhabitant
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #586 on: 10-12-2005 03:08 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
Ralph Snart: Ah, the fanfic mobile advertisement unit, sending new people on noble quests across PEEL to scour all good fanfic on the boards. Hope to hear what you think of my work when you get around to reading it. Until then, continue your quest, oh gallant crossing guard of PEEL literature

Wow, for a noob, I'm getting quite a bit of airplay from the old guard...

I've glanced at your stuff (I've read everything in this thread) and it rocks.  I'll have to go to TLZ and copy the stuff while I can (before they go offline this month for going over their allotted bandwidth) and read it as I can.

As for the people giving you grief about being Douglas Adams-esque in writing style; let them have their opinions - you know what works best for you.  BTW, I loved the first 3 of the Hitchikers books, so being compared to Adams is a great compliment as far as I'm concerned.

Now, you'll have to excuse me.  I need to buy a piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it, making people wait in line behind me.

Okay you cunts, let's see what you can do now.
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #587 on: 10-18-2005 18:44 »

Well, it’s much closer to Canadian Thanksgiving than American Thanksgiving... so I still kind of win.  Dr T, you never rarely fail to amuse me.  Ralph, if I read that right I think you’re the first person to ever refer to me as part of the old guard.  Here’s the next part, complete with my usual feelings or inadequacy and fears of suckitude.  Hope it’s enjoyable.

______________

Part 6

Back on the other ship, Bender currently felt like the star of Charlie’s Angels Four: The Legend of Charlie’s Hidden Electronics.  He snatched both devices and stashed them in his chest compartment, further packing in the money from his earlier misdemeanor.  Despite a multitudinous urge to leave immediately, Fry’s attention was drawn to a small note Bender had failed to notice, or had failed to care about.  Thusly piqued, he peeked at the parchment that had peaked his interest and proceeded to pick up the paper to peer:

Dear James,

Included are both the Lawbreaker 1.1 and Desiderator 3.0.  I’m quite sure the latter works splendidly, but need to pass it off for another round of testing before I can call it the Desiderator 4.0, which is far more catchy in my opinion.  Careful with the Lawbreaker; I haven’t gotten all the kinks out, and it’s dreadfully unpredictable.  Moreover, I am thinking of renaming it, as my initial reports have been met with staunch criticism.  I’m not a bloody criminal; maybe those toffee-nosed scientific journalists should read a bit further than the title, eh? 

                     Mine,
Nuzi


Fry pocketed the note, hoping it contained more clues about what exactly Bender was purloining than he was able to ascertain from it.

“OK Bender, I’m going to find Zoidberg now; are you coming or not?”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t get your panties in a mobius strip.”

Bender lackadaisically followed his human companion out of the room, while said meat-bag became visibly more panicky with each passing second.  Fry had almost broken into a full run off of the ship, thinking of what its owner would do to them if he were to find them now.  Bender had taken too long… their alibi wouldn’t be convincing...  He sprinted back to gather his sauntering companion.

“Bender, remember what happened last time you got overconfident and let a stealing spree get out of hand?!"

“Yeah! You were impressed.”

“...into the Stumbonian Navy!” Fry inveighed.

“Ah, yeah...” the robot fondly recalled, “Heh... and they let me off the hook.  Sure hope you learned your lesson!”

“I guess not...” seethed Fry, grabbing Bender by the Squeezy and speedily dragging him away.  “Your burglary binges are in need of some shortening”

“I have plenty of shortening!  I put it in our milkshakes!” carped Bender, and they were finally outside.

Meanwhile, Nibbler was pensively waiting for his visitors to arrive in the cockpit.  The muffled clanking and cursing from behind the top of the wall was an obvious signal they were gradually approaching. 

The Nibblonian had been worried at first; thinking he may have to blow his cover in order to stop a disastrous hijacking.  Granted, only revealing himself to Zoidberg was a best case scenario, but he didn’t have clearance to wipe yet another memory clean, and riding on the fact that no one paid attention to the lobster was precarious at best. 

As he scampered to the cockpit, though, it dawned on him that all he would have to do is lay low.   He needn’t electrify the controls, superheat the driver’s seat, or strike the intruders with pendulum paint cans on strings... he would simply let karma run its course...  he exited the room.

One. Two. Three.  Three of the most diverse body types imaginable struck the ground, creating three of the most dissimilar sounds conceivable.  Holly had made three mistakes already.  First, she decided it would be best if Zoidberg joined them to the cockpit.  Second, she allowed him to molt when it became evident his bulky, nonmalleable form would not fit into the vents.  Third, Zoidberg had gone in first, wearing only a towel.  She didn’t even want to know what she had just been crawling through.  She desperately needed a shower and a cigarette... though not at the same time.  On the plus side, the woman was treated to a slightly broken fall thanks to her revolting hostage.  On the minus side, her robot partner received the same service from her.

“Ah!  My legs!” yelped Holly.

“Sorry, I was aiming for your stomach,” quipped Kui, taking his time to get up. As soon as Holly’s legs weren’t pinned, he was vaulted forward by a kick that would have made Leela proud.  While he toppled awkwardly to the ground, the woman sprung to her feet, poised to do it again.  She didn’t know why he angered her so; she knew he just did it to keep her in check; but still, she wouldn’t tolerate that kind of crap from a stupid robot...

“I’m OK, my face broke my fall.” said Zoidberg, readjusting his towel.  No one paid attention.

“I don’t even see a good place to hide something,” said Kui, surveying the room from his new low angle perspective.

“Great... just great...” Holly gestured towards the doctor. “And you have no clue what we’re talking about?”

“What were we talking about?”

“The lawbreaker!’

“The what?”

“The... the... oh, screw it!  Just screw it!” Holly ran her hands through her hair, grasping at her shoulders in frustration. “I don’t get paid enough for this.  We’re taking the ship.  If it’s on the ship the boss can find it, and if someone else has it we’ll at least have a hostage.”

She jammed the keys into the ignition, intensity begat from rage in her eyes.

“I’ll be getting my shell back if you need me,” casually mentioned Zoidberg.  He started to leave.

“Right, so you can try to call for help?” alleged Kui, now standing in front of the door.  “I think you’ll be staying right here.”

“Well, OK, I guess.” the crustacean shrugged; and with this motion, the towel started to slip...

“Go get your shell.”

Midway between the only two occupied spots in the parking lot, Bender and Fry couldn’t believe what they were seeing.  It looked like the Planet Express ship was planning to take off.  The entrances had been retracted, and the landing gear was rising, though the thrusters had yet to be engaged. 

“Oh no...” hollered Fry, as what was happening set in.  “Zoidberg’s trying to drive the ship!  We’re doomed!”

“Gangway!” shouted Bender, pivoting to retreat, pointing out the tangible gangway that lead back onto Charlie’s ship.

“Right, we gotta get Leela!” agreed Fry.  They sprinted off in the direction they came from.

The two women and the reptile were still in the dining area.  Amy had given up on interjecting, and was quietly polishing her nails.  Leela and Charlie were in a heated debate; though one other than Amy could probably sense both were enjoying the intelligent, if not immature, conflict.  Leela collected her thoughts, noting Charlie hadn’t seemed seriously threatening for the past couple of minutes.

“Listen you daft punk!  You can’t just make the crude blanket statement that men are simply better than woman at piloting!”

“No, you listen,” Charlie stood up, but Leela didn’t regress this time. “Even though we know nothing about many civilizations, you can’t write off the facts we do know as statistical anomalies.  Statistics aren’t blanket statements!  Now if I had said... ‘All women should be home knitting blankets...’

“Leela!!!”  Fry had burst into the room.  “Zoidberg’s trying to take the ship!”

“What!?  He wouldn’t!  He couldn’t!”  She paused, and a thought hit her.  “Amy... what if Steve is stealing the ship?”

“Who?” asked Amy.

“Steve, the garage guy we ran away from?” 

Amy looked confused.

“You don’t remember being chased?!”

“Well, maybe back when I was 15…”

“No!  I-“

The unmistakable sound of a low-flying ship halted the conversation.

“Let’s move!” ordered Leela, and the four crew members, in a show of obedience expedited by fear, hurriedly exited.  “Sorry Charlie!” she added, just within earshot.

Arriving outside, Leela’s worst fears were confirmed.  The Planet Express ship glided towards the rest stop airlock.  She wheeled, scanning the dome for some sort of an escape.  There, still idling by the gas pumps, was the same space-taxi they had seen earlier.  She dashed after it, her three subordinates following close.

“Everyone into the taxi, we’ll follow them!”  Leela commanded.  She had gained the driver’s attention and was pointing towards the open airlock before they even reached the cab; fearing that she would soon lose sight of her precious vessel.  To her delight, the pilot sped off before they even had the doors closed.

“Follow that-”

“I got it, I got it...” assured the cabbie, and the pursuit was on.

Leela closed her eye and exhaled; they still had a chance.  It had all gone smoothly and gracefully... almost too gracefully.  Fry poked her.

“Uh, Leela?”

In the recently evacuated dining area, Charlie sighed.  The afternoon hadn’t been portentous, yet somehow he had enjoyed himself; or at least was starting to enjoy the company of the cyclops.  Was he losing his edge?  Strolling, and suddenly wishing he had a crew of his own for once, Foster wondered if he’d see them again. They were all pretty nice, even if for some reason he didn’t trust that robot for-

“Oh, crap.” growled Charlie, making a prediction that would have made Nostradamus applaud.  He bolted for the storage chamber, and barreled through the unlocked door.  Empty.  The storage case was empty.  Of course it was!  How stupid could he be?  Anger surged though each and every one of the reptile’s veins. To hell with all the stuff he had just been thinking!  Now he remembered why he preferred to be alone.  Now he remembered why you should only trust yourself.  In fact, if he saw any of those stupid little Earthlings again-

A dull knock on the open cargo bay door interrupted his runaway bullet train of thought.  He peered out of the storage room, and gazed upon the equivalent of a child who had just lost their mother in a crowded store. Regardless, his responding glare was nothing short of malevolent.

“Um... heheh... hi?” Amy stammered.

_____________________

And that’s the end of chapter 3.  At this point, I would have sent it into TLZ, as this is a good break point for the section.  We’ll wait and see if that becomes possible.  So, uh, hope it was up to par, or at least some sort of literary bogey.  Tell me what you think if you get the chance, and we’ll see if part 7 will be out before Thanksgiving (Canadian, 2006) And speaking of, a happy belated PEELiversary to Layla.

Brevity is the soul of
Shiny

Professor
*
« Reply #588 on: 10-18-2005 21:50 »
« Last Edit on: 10-18-2005 21:50 »

"Sorry Charlie" made me very, very happy.  "Desiderator" also pleased me no end.  And I'm liking Holly and her robot more and more, and Charlie himself is already a favorite.  I can't think of him without "Bananas" going through my head... I can't wait to see what Nibbler is hoping to happen, and how Amy will handle a ticked-off Charlie...

You are a consistent deliverer of delights, and you cheered me up immensely after a moderately sucky day.  Thank you!

Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #589 on: 10-18-2005 22:14 »

I've been having a supremely sucky day (so there, Shiny! wink) and now I'm basking in the wondrous prolixity of the Berginator. Thanks for the PEELiversary sentiment, John!

 
Quote
Thusly piqued, he peeked at the parchment that had peaked his interest and proceeded to pick up the paper to peer:

Your perplexing pandering to my passion for prolixity pleased me perfectly. Don't ever change.

It's too late for me to properly review, but I'll be back, you know I will!
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #590 on: 10-18-2005 22:21 »

absolutely awesome JBerges.  Once again your writing demonstrates a confounding ability to blow anything I dream up straight out of the water.  Having Amy left behind was a great twist.  The only negative comment I have is that it doesnt quite seem right that Leela would say 'daft'.  It's just not a word I would picture as being in her vocabulary. 
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #591 on: 10-19-2005 01:30 »
« Last Edit on: 10-19-2005 01:30 »

Daft Punk is a techno band, so it does fall well within Leela's habit of using 20th century musical groups as descriptive words.

Quality work, J.  I have not seen quality fanfiction of this type since September 20, 2005 (no offence to anyone who's updated since then...this is yet another offsides jab at JBERGES).  I have to admit, if your wordplay were swordplay, you'd teach Zorro to spell, exsanguinate Captain Blood, and whip the Three Musketeers into nougat.  I mentally hiccupped when I didn't immediately understand the chased/chaste thing, but that's what made it so good.
Kloudes

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #592 on: 10-19-2005 17:29 »

Bravo and all that. A lot of heartbreak and tears went into this part.

*insert gushing here*

Also, I like the Daft Punk thing too... Perhaps SO just didn't know of said band?
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #593 on: 10-19-2005 17:55 »

I'd review, but that would require words and intelligence neither of which i have right now. So here's a happy face.  smile
Arkan

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #594 on: 10-19-2005 18:19 »

Wow! Thanks for updating, you made my day. Even if it wasn't a particularly sucky one to start with. And I feel dumb because I didn't even realise there was a chased/chaste thing until DrThunder pointed it out. Ah well, I'm tired.  smile

soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #595 on: 10-19-2005 23:29 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Kloudes:
Also, I like the Daft Punk thing too... Perhaps SO just didn't know of said band?

yeah, guilty as charged.  techno isnt really my thing.
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #596 on: 10-23-2005 20:44 »
« Last Edit on: 10-23-2005 20:44 »

Layls/Shiny:  And that’s why I  write.  Hope the recent days have improved a bit.  If not, I’ll mail you tape of me running into a wall or something; that’ll cheer you up.  I aim to please.  Thanks for the kind words.

soylentOrange:  You’re next on my ‘things to read’  list now that I’ve got some free time.  I guess I owe the Amy twist to the fact that I don’t structure my plots before I write the story.  That way, both reader and writer find out what happens next together...  (Obscure References 1; You: 0. But don't worry, Daft Punk isn't quite a household name)

DrT:  When’s the last time you updated, anyway?  I’m waiting for more of your work...  One of my goals in this story is to make sure no one gets all the jokes immediately, but at least someone gets every joke.  So far I’ve been pretty close.  They say the pen is mightier than the sword, anyway.  Though, both do a pretty good job at stabbing if you try hard enough.

Venus: A smilie’s worth 1000 96 words, my literary ally.  Thanks for reading.

Kloudes:  Heartbreak and tears indeed.  Couldn’t have fixed this part without you; thank you so much.

Arkan:  I’m sorry, in order to read my stories you must be having a bad day or clinically depressed, please try again later.  Thanks for stopping by, hope you stick around.

 

Note to self, invent new word for ‘thanks,’ use liberally.
Kloudes

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #597 on: 10-24-2005 11:31 »
« Last Edit on: 10-24-2005 11:31 »

The next chapter better come soon so I can tear that apart too!   love

Stupid editing a one sentence post...
Shaucker

Professor
*
« Reply #598 on: 10-25-2005 17:16 »

Who ARE all these new people? Have I been away so long? Am I a robot? What's with my Christmas-y avatar? All these questions answered and more, at some near point in the future, when I open my NEW FANART THREAD. <--shameles plug
Also, loving the story, despite my neurosis toward non-Futurama characters (not just yours, by the way-All of them).
You people that remember the Chee from Animorphs are nerds-- I had a conversation about them all of three weeks ago.
Kloudes, your Halloween avatar makes me want hot cider. I'm going to Starbucks.
Remember, new fanart thread by this weekend. with new fanart
Kloudes

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #599 on: 10-27-2005 14:52 »

*drools* I  love cider... Now I want it too.  Alas, in Ithaca, I no longer have access to a Starbucks every few feet.  I do have hippies, though... that's cool... but they don't taste good.

Everytime people mention this "Chee" it makes me think of Chobits.  big grin
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