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Author Topic: Guy you've never heard of writes something mediocre!  (Read 28897 times)
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I

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #480 on: 05-26-2005 13:51 »
« Last Edit on: 05-26-2005 13:51 »

I never have and I never will write long replies, but:

Good. As usual. To put it in Nerd-o-Ramas own words:
 
Quote
As usual, the incessant science jokes are my favorite part.

As much as I enjoy Layla´s, Shiny´s and Venus´ shippy fics, it is nice to get away and just read something humorous every now and then.

EDIT: How interesting, 60% of my TOTPs have occured today.
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #481 on: 05-26-2005 23:50 »

Oh, Bergey... I've missed you so! I'm finally, finally back to commenting, and you have once again knocked off my feet and on to my sorry behind.

To quote a decrepid old man, "Oh, my."
I had read your first foray into the World of Prose (9 floors up from the World of Torrid Romance) but I, being a generally nasty and lazy person, did not reply... so I do now, after my penance. "I will not go this long without responding, I will not go this long without... etc. etc. ad nauseum"

I have always delighted (well, you know, since I first read it) in your stories, but now... I am still delighted, and rather intimidated, oh beloved beta.

In fact, I'm taken by this dizzying sense of terror when I think about writing anything funnyish. You are so brilliant!
I mean, I was reading through this, giggling more of less constantly, shaking my head at the wordplay, and everytime I said, "Ooh, I've got to quote that" I would instantly hit another line that needed to be quoted to the point where I would basically be throwing the whole thing back at you with pledges of my undying love.

Honestly, it's beyond me how anyone can be so consistantly funny. You are one talented mammajamma.

I won't really get into the Scrose versus Prose debate (One literary format will be unmasked and killed in the ring! Okay, so I'm unoriginal... sue me.) except to say, it's you. Whatever you write will amuse me with it's cleverness and general hilariousness. You handle prose like a master, Dougie Junior.  wink

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:


UNTITLED: Part 1

I like your title. And the opening paragraph. It's a bit of a shock really, despite the fact I know how erudite you are.
Loved the rhomboid line, and the buffet metaphor.

The whole liquorice scene is a scream as well as being painfully clever. In fact, you're so often painfully clever (Yes, of course I'm a masochist) that I'm gunna shorten it to P.C.

 
Quote
Fry:  Uh...  I... was at the museum, looking at art...
P.C. The following paragraph absolutely proved your flexibility. This is funny, funny prose. Quite Douglas Adamsy too, in my newbie opinion.

It should surprise nobody that I love Leela's introspection on eye rolling. Seriously, weighing the merits of one versus two eyes? P.C.

 
Quote
Farnsworth (entering): Good news and bad news, everyone!

It's hard to come up with a new spin on that old chestnut, but you did it! Awesome.
The whole conversation around that is fantastic.

 
Quote
Leela let out a sigh that could extinguish a birthday cake, and once again found her pupil pointing upwards.
Fan-frigging-tastic. The way you carry this into the line about painting the ceiling (subtle, by the way), is one of the many marks of greatness in your writing.
I love Fry's obvious questioning skills.

 
Quote
Leela (worried):  How long is a while?  A while as in, “a couple of days,” or a while as in, “don’t count on you being alive when we get back?”
Oh, this whole exchange made me laugh!

 
Quote
Fry and Leela gave each other a nervous look.  One of the few things they consistently agreed on was that, generally, the more people that went on a mission, the worse things tended to go.
The above, and the next few paragraphs made me swoon in writer/reader happiness. You're too good, it's not fair, and I couldn't be happier with the unfairness of the universe.

non-metaphorical elbow grease... gift for Gorky and a treat for everyone else.

 
Quote
The last time Bender cooked onboard, he had burnt the kitchen down.  Not accidentally, mind you; he simply got bored while waiting for the pork to ferment. 
Bwahahahaha! Also, yuk-tastic. I'm going spastic with all this -tastic.

 
Quote
Everyone hated Zoidberg.

If ever I get hit by the evil, insidious cross-over bug, Zoidberg and Martin are gonna have a chitchat and I'm crediting this line as inspiration.

 
Quote
Farnsworth:  Oh, you know, this and that.
Fry:  Your clipboard and that pen?
Classic futurama exchange. Farnsworth's sudden hurry is quite intriguing...
 
Quote
(Cut just as hastily to the ship)
Classic JBERGES. Mmmmmm...

Loved the name thing. Just the concept was great, and then you knocked it up a notch... BAM! (I quote myself in saying I'm unoriginal.) Nice jab at, among other things, the Nimbus.

 
Quote
 
Leela:  Beer?
Fry:  Czech! (He pops the top off of a ‘Fortranvar’ brand beer)
Just when I get worried about Leela you throw that pun at me. It should be illegal to be that funny.

For the record... I bear an irrational hatred for the word funny.

I loved the blastoff countdown. Nostalgically hilarious.

And now, the most aesthtically beautiful writing I've seen from you. I mean, look at that font!
 
Quote
   The thoughts that run through a tired captain’s mind are lonely and depressing.  Even a non-emotional captain will attest to it.  Something about the endless blackness; the blurred voids of what never was, and never will be.  You can easily maneuver a ship through that stuff, but rarely a life. 

I loved the connection to Zapp's pity party. It's awesome to see another look at what might have led our practical Leela to such an impulsely vile decision.

 
Quote
   Meanwhile, Fry was gleefully juggling apples.
Fantastic juxtaposition. I love the contrast between their personalities. The juggling description is hilarious.

 
Quote

 The two workers were in the same room, and the dichotomy of moods was enough to trigger a tornado somewhere between them.  Fry had given up small talk at these times long ago.  Leela, however, had not.
How can anything that sophisticated be that hilarious?

 
Quote
He pegs the mice for the soufflés with them.

Sweet! (the preceding word should be interpreted in a hiphopish style, rather than a girlish squeak. Thank you, and good night.)

Okay, my hands are going numb(Mmm tendonitus) so I'll just edit on what I have to babble (and rant and rave and rejoice) about your latest update later.

Um... so have you forgiven me yet? 'Cause I know someone frustrated with a post cliffhanger who'd love it if you could help.
Shaucker

Professor
*
« Reply #482 on: 05-27-2005 23:46 »

I really, REALLY like your prose style. There's such a feeling of Romantic era humor and word-play...set a thousand or so years later. Like what would happen if you gave Victor Hugo a jetpack. And I loved the art/Art joke. I had a guest conductor teach a 150 piece concert band how to play the spoons. This was, like, sophmore year, and I'm still working on it.
All in all, I wanted to say: Save me some cake, Boingo.
boingo2000

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #483 on: 05-28-2005 13:12 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
Each form has its pros(e) and cons...

I guess eeeeeevery prose has it's con...
Just like every night has it's dawn...
Just like every cowboy sings a sad, sad song...

OK, I promise not to do that ever again.*

Anyway, I gotta buck the trend here... I slightly prefer the scrose to the prose.  They're both good though, and if you want to make everyone else happy but continuing in plain prose, you'll hear no complaints from me.

You're still sounding a little bit like Adams, but I see it this way:  You sound like him at the top of his game, so that's good.  Besides, considering the multitiue of crappy writers you could sound like, it seems wrong to nit-pick.

I have no specific comments for this installment.  (Bet you never saw that coming.)

@Shaucker: look at when that cake was posted.  If you want some, it's yours, but it's gotta be stale by now.

*Odds of it happening again anyway: 96%
Gorky

Space Pope
****
« Reply #484 on: 06-07-2005 07:37 »
« Last Edit on: 06-07-2005 07:37 »

Eh, I guess this is sort of a bump, but...

Anyway, I think I'm in the majority here, because I really preferred the prose to the scrose. It's just because all prose flows better than half prose/half script. Sure, as T_L mentioned, sometimes the repartee doesn't flow quite as well in prose as in scrose, but the pros of prose far outweigh the cons. (And, um, I know I said I liked scrose--still do--it's just that a side-by-side comparison helped me to see that prose just works better for the story you're trying to write).

Anyway, thanks to my advanced state of lethargy (i.e., laziness..."advanced state of lethargy" just sounded better) I missed out on the chance to comment on a lot of your story, 'cause all of these other awesome reviewers were able to sum up all that I loved about this last update. "...Hardly's the opposite of softly, right?", is quite possibly my favorite line yet, but I also thought that you wrote the Bender/Zoidberg and Leela/Amy interactions very well. I also enjoyed the "bury her face in her currently occupied hands/bury her hands in Amy's currently occupied face" gag. Lines like that always strike me as funny. It's like being unable to take either divergent road, no matter how appealing both are. (Yeah, that was my intelligent remark. Everything else I say is just me babbling.)

As for you worrying about sounding too much like Adams, you really shouldn't. I mean, as it's been said, Adams really invented the sci-fi comedy sub-genre thingy, so there's no reason to feel like you're ripping him off. I think this is just the way you write prose, and it matches up with the way you write a script. I mean, you can tell that both works are coming from the same author. And, as for the scientific explanations at the beginning of chapters, that's one of the things I love about the way Adams wrote, so keep all them explanations a'comin'.

Anyway, can't wait to see what's to come. Keep up the amazing work. 
Kloudes

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #485 on: 06-07-2005 20:14 »
« Last Edit on: 06-07-2005 20:14 »

Is it too big a spoiler if I say the best pun ever is coming up in the next part?  Too bad, I already said it. No word on how long it will be before he actually releases the part, though...

I'm gonna get beat up for this.    big grin

EDIT: Don't you just hate having to edit hours later for a stupid type?   tongue
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #486 on: 06-07-2005 20:30 »

She has inside information! Sic her Anica!



The last time i tried to kill myself was about an hour ago. I jumped off this really tall building. But i ended up doing a triple backflip and landing on my feet. No one saw it of course, except for two little kittens and one kitten turned to the other and said "See? That's how you do that."
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #487 on: 06-07-2005 21:43 »
« Last Edit on: 06-07-2005 21:43 »

Ack!  Now it has expectations! She meant it sucks.  Suuuuuuucks!  I’m only about a third of the way done with the next part... so who knows how long it will take.  Basically, whenever some form of inspiration strikes.  Let it be known that I’ve decided to stick with prose.  Granted, I still feel awkward writing snappy dialogue with it as my medium, but most times it feels right.  I like the ability to go into detail whenever I feel like it, as opposed to in certain sections.

Replies:

Dr.T: “sort of like children”... so you hate them both, eh?  Oddly, I thought the same way about the stone temple pilot thing.  I was not going to use it at first, then I suddenly found myself adding it.  Thanks for the support, I’m definitely looking forward to your revamped fic, and to harassing people with puns at PEELathon...

Nerd-o:  CS’ers gotta stick together.  Don’t trust those Mechies. They like... build... tangible things.  They must be witches.  Glad you enjoy my attempt at science humor.

Slack:  So what exactly are you basking in there, Slack, just the thought of Leela with an askew bra?    Hmm... seems I always give real replies to everyone, then only a pithy comment to you.  But you know I’m full of nothin’ but heteromanlove for you, right?

Tongue: Heh, Kloudes said the same thing about Zoidberg upon betaing, but I disagreed.  But with two intelligent opinions telling me otherwise, my obstinacy shattered.  I’ll change that part around.  Thanks for speaking your mind.

say what now:  Well, prose won.  Are you gonna stick around now?    tongue

Venus:  Well, prose won.   No attack cats, please... unless you’re coming to NYC to deliver said cat.

Spacedal: Welcome to my humble abode thread treabode!  Thanks for stopping in to comment, I appreciate it.

I:  Never mind comic relief in a story, I’ve become comic relief in a forum...  ...yay?

Layla:  Um... wow.  That was more thorough than a thorough documentary on Thoreau.   You are far too kind.  Thank you.

Shaucker: Victor hugo in a jet pack?!  I’d buy one!  Also, do you have a recording of 150 people playing the spoons? ...I’d buy one!!

boingo:  I have no specific replies for this installment. (Bet you never saw that coming.)   Uh...heh... please don’t leave!

Gorky: Better late than never... and when people bump my thread I feel more pressured to write, which is actually a good thing.  Glad you came back to PEEL again.

Kloudes:  Well, you won that round.  I will change the Zoidberg line.  However, the apology you were going to receive has been offset by your last post.  Now we’re even.    smile


EDIT: Arg, I hate being empty handed. Although it's not Futurama related, I got a new composition program recently (much higher quality than my old one), copy and paste this link into the browser if you wanna hear the first thing I've made with it:
 http://media.audiostreet.net/5A2B44D8614E473CB689BB9D605F5273/Download/unreal.mp3
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #488 on: 06-07-2005 21:47 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
Venus:  Well, prose won.   No attack cats, please... unless you’re coming to NYC to deliver said cat.

As much as i would love to, i don't even have 200 dollars to my name right now. Plus i just within the last three weeks started not one, but two new jobs so the prospect of time off won't be for a while. (Movie theater gives me payed vacation so provided Peelathon is still around next year i might have a shot)
Spacedal11

Space Pope
****
« Reply #489 on: 06-09-2005 22:52 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
Spacedal: Welcome to my humble abode thread treabode!  Thanks for stopping in to comment, I appreciate it.

You're welcome Mr. Holy One. I feel the good vibes coming from your treabode. May you continue with your geniusness.
say what now

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #490 on: 06-09-2005 22:56 »

Of course I'll stick around, Bergey! I'm not a very good responder (courtesy of laziness, mostly), but I do always read your stuff. And I do always love reading your stuff too, whether it be script, prose, or scrose  smile.
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #491 on: 06-15-2005 22:24 »

I am the slowest updater ever.  If anyone’s still around, here’s the next part.  I could probably have gotten another scene into this next section, seeing as my writer’s block finally fell for a bit, but I’ve delayed this long enough, so I’ll post what I have now.  I’m not going to have a chance to write more until next week anyway.   

As before, I’m still trying to find a voice, and in that sense I think this part is a bit different than the other two.  No real movement of the plot either, but that will be coming very shortly.  Enough stalling, hope you like it:
____________________
Part 3

Leela turned off the engines; finally, it was over.  No matter what horrors awaited them at this undoubtedly sketchy rest stop, Leela took solace in the fact that she would no longer have to drive her vessel in a seat which was mimicking an Omicronian massage chair.  Another thing Leela had learned in her few years of captaining; you should always take as much solace as you can, because someone’s bound to take most of it back.

Meanwhile, Fry figured it was safe to show himself again.  He tried his luck, and opened the door marked ‘bridge,’ ...allowing him to step out onto a viaduct of the Professor’s construction.  Using it to cross over the cage with the lion, he then shimmied down a ladder, bringing him to the hallway that led to the cockpit, which, ironically, is exactly what Farnsworth once decided against, opting instead to get a lioncage.

“Alright now,” Leela started, effectively predicting Fry’s entrance, “we’ll find the mechanic, and hopefully be on our way in a few hours. I don’t want anyone wandering too far off.” 

She knew that they were currently in an inescapable airtight dome, but Fry and Bender were the type you could lose track of in a suicide booth.

“Amy, I have no idea how much this is going to cost,” Leela continued, “but you’ll have to pay for the repairs for now, and maybe the Professor will reimburse you. Do you think you’ll be able to cover it?”

“Well, I did just buy 3 metric tons of hair care products,” pondered Amy. “But my parents put a deposit in my account yesterday, and the bank said that it was terrific!”

“You mean outstanding?”

“Yeah, that.”

“Well,” sighed the cyclops “...we’d better hope the checks clear...”

“You mean Fortranvar Crystal?”  Fry interjected. “We’re out of that.”

“Plenty of explicatory martini left, though” added Bender.

“Let’s just go...” said Leela, halfway out the door.

The rest stop was indeed sketchy.  A crime scene sketched by an anguished artist, perhaps.  The airlock and dome looked shiny and new, for the distinguishing reason that they were the only things that kept everyone inside from dying.  Everything else had been left to putrefy into a rancid shabbiness, a comatose scrap of an insipid past kept alive by a bubble of the finest mandated technology.  If the laws of science allowed wind to blow in the dilapidated hemisphere, it would whisper, “Just let me break.”  A restaurant, a garage, and two fuel pumps, long since tired of each other’s company, welcomed anyone desperate enough to partake in their services.
“Hmph... quantum repair man?”  Leela scoffed.  “We’ll be lucky if there’s someone who can re-pair socks...”

She smirked, but the “whoosh” the line made passing over the crew’s heads created the first wind the dome had seen in eons, and the brevity of it gave little time for a whisper in edgewise.  Zoidberg, by now, had dusted himself off and joined the group as they glanced quizzically, passing the first and only other ship they came across.  It was green and bulbous; a rather traditional rocket shape with a mild overbite.  At a glance, one might easily confuse it with the PE ship, but closer inspection showed the vessel was not of Earth.  The engines were oddly shaped to say the least, and the landing gear looked somewhat like an advanced form of gelatin.  By the fuel pumps, a lone space-taxi idled, and that was all there was to be seen. 

“Amy and I will head to the garage to see if anyone can fix the ship, the rest of you go to the restaurant and see if they can fix a sandwich.” said Leela, motioning towards the destinations.

Bender was not pleased by this usurpation, “What?!  I slaved over a hot stove for nothing?!”

“The only time anyone slaved over that stove is the time you tried to sauté that slave,” remarked Fry, in an intermittent squall of thought.

“Whaddaya mean ‘tried’?” boasted Bender, letting the initial point slide, as he had, in fact, not even begun to consider procrastinating getting started on delaying the process of cooking, due to the earlier thieving incident.     
 
“Don’t worry friends,” started Zoidberg, turning to face the women, “If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s finding food!”

Is there one thing you’re good at?”

“... no...”

“Well,” Leela interposed, “In that case you should go back and get Nibbler.  If they actually bring the ship in for service... I just realized it would probably be best if he wasn’t left onboard.”

“Should I get the lion too?”

“Do we ever take the lion?”

“No.”

“Do we ever even acknowledge the lion?”

“No.”

“Leave the lion.”

“Yes ma’am!” shouted the lobster, with the sudden fervor that Zoidberg sometimes gained upon receiving an ‘important’ task to do.  He strode confidently towards the ship; he would get it right, and maybe, just maybe, he would be appreciated for it.  Then lunch.

“Zoidberg!  The keys?!” hollered Leela.

The doctor turned back around.  “I hear they’re lovely this time of year!” he yelled back, “Are we going on vaca-oof!” he rambled, before getting hit in the face with a set of keys thrown at the velocity of a pitched blurnsball.

The three parties went their separate ways.

Fry and Bender approached Allen Omla’s Cleanly Diner.  It appeared to be open, and through the window, there could be seen someone assumedly working the counter.  Whether he was conscious or not was yet to be discovered.

“Uh, Bender?  Do you have any money?”

“None that anyone else is getting.”

“Well, I’m broke,” said Fry, “I guess we’ll have to-”

Bender cut him off. His attempt at stealing had been thwarted earlier, but now he had been given a second chance.
   
“Alright, Fry!  If we’re going to do this we’re going to do this right.  This ain’t gonna be no two bit operation…” said the robot, as he pointed to his head, “only the simplest of mechanical operations take up two bits.”

“Like what?”

“Shaves and haircuts, mainly.”

“Oh.”

“Anyway, you’re going be running strict diversion,” Bender continued, regaining his zealous focus. “Seduce the sentinel at the counter, while I sneak around back, stealing the food and anything in their safe with skill and style.”

“Seduce?! But I-”

“No time for questions!” Bender yelled, pointing a metallic finger at the diner window.  Inside, the lone worker idly drummed his fingers. “Meet back here in 10 minutes!” And he was gone.  Fry shrugged plaintively, and entered the front door.   

_______

Well, please critique me if you have the time.  I appreciate everyone’s input.  I’ll be back with pictures from PEELathon next time...



Brevity is the soul of
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #492 on: 06-16-2005 00:13 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
Another thing Leela had learned in her few years of captaining; you should always take as much solace as you can, because someone’s bound to take most of it back.

awesome.


 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
“Zoidberg! The keys?!” hollered Leela.

The doctor turned back around. “I hear they’re lovely this time of year!”


EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not even gonna mention the Zoidberg/Leela lion dialogue, but it was funny beyond all reason.

When Melll or whoever calls me during the BBQ you gotta talk too! 
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #493 on: 06-16-2005 02:43 »
« Last Edit on: 06-16-2005 02:43 »

Pure, uncut comedy, the likes of which was snorted by only the most affluent snorters of comedy.  Also freebased.  There is too much good stuff to comment on, but there is one joke that needs to be brought to everyone's attention:

   
Quote
“only the simplest of mechanical operations take up two bits.”

“Like what?”

“Shaves and haircuts, mainly.”

Bravissimo.
Gorky

Space Pope
****
« Reply #494 on: 06-16-2005 08:58 »
« Last Edit on: 06-16-2005 08:58 »

I see what you mean about this section having a bit of a different voice than the other two. But it was still hilarious.

 
Quote
“Should I get the lion too?”

“Do we ever take the lion?”

“No.”

“Do we ever even acknowledge the lion?”

“No.”

“Leave the lion.”

My favorite bit (along with the solace thing that Venus already quoted).

Although...

 
Quote
“The only time anyone slaved over that stove is the time you tried to sauté that slave,” remarked Fry, in an intermittent squall of thought.

For some reason, that line didn't sit right with me. (Which is weird, because I can picture it so clearly in my mind...the reading and everything. Which is a good thing for the writer (you know, when you can give the reader a vivid image in their mind).) I liked the "intermittent squall of thought" thing, it's just that the joke itself didn't hit me like it should have (y'know...like a slap in the face or something). Granted, I don't think that that was meant to be a slap-in-the-face sort of thing, but I just thought I'd mention it. Of course, I'm the only one who's brought it up so far, but...

Anyway, keep up the great work. It's great to see someone who excelled in script form finding his voice in prose form. And, even if you still haven't found your voice yet, just know that this story is coming along great so far. Can't wait for more (also, can't use complete sentences).

Tongue Luck

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #495 on: 06-17-2005 00:34 »
« Last Edit on: 06-17-2005 00:34 »

     
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
I am the slowest updater ever.
Ahem! I could out-slow you 'til the cows come home... Slowly.

Nice work, as always. You can definitely feel the difference between this part and the previous two. It's still delightfully heavy on the gags, but the dialogue-free stretches seem less determined to constantly bring the laughs. Don't get me wrong, they're still funny. Just in more of a... natural... way, I guess. More subtly quirky, and punctuated with this neat little forlorn quality that is much less strongly present in the earlier sections. Overall, sounding less like Adams and more like you, I think. It'll be cool to see where the tone goes from here.


     
Quote
She knew that they were currently in an inescapable airtight dome, but Fry and Bender were the type you could lose track of in a suicide booth.
Absolutely perfect.

     
Quote
Leela scoffed.  “We’ll be lucky if there’s someone who can re-pair socks...”
Heh... I like seeing Leela crack a joke, with no fanfare. Also, I just went to dictionary.com to double check that it wasn't spelled fanfair, because I get oddly paranoid about things like that. At the "did you mean..." screen, I found out they have an entry for fanfic. Go them! My spell check usually tries to change it to "fanatic".

     
Quote
looked somewhat like an advanced form of gelatin.
Awesome analogy. Nice to see that the figurative language doesn't always need a poetic feel to it.

     
Quote
Allen Omla’s
Oh, sweet Jesus, I think I've just achieved nirvana. And then ruined it by mixing religions. There aren't enough       :love:s in the world...

     
Quote
Using it to cross over the cage with the lion, he then shimmied down a ladder, bringing him to the hallway that led to the cockpit, which, ironically, is exactly what Farnsworth once decided against, opting instead to get a lioncage.
Hmm... Not a run-on or anything, but that sentence feels bloated to me. Something in the phrasing made it read in sort of a confusing way. Like, I really dig where you're going with it, but it lost momentum when I had to figure out what exactly it was that Farnsworth had decided against.

...See you at the airport!
say what now

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #496 on: 06-19-2005 01:39 »

Ah man... gag after gag after gag. I loved it. Everyone basically quoted the stuff that I enjoyed, but just to reiterate, I loved the solace comment, the stove/slave comment, the Zoidberg/Leela exchange about the lion, and Zoidberg's misinterpretation of "the keys."

Oh, and Bender ordering Fry to seduce the sentinel. I was actually kind of sad to see you had ended it there... I was excited to see how that was gonna turn out. Bwahahaha. Well, now I have something to wait for! Come back and write more soon!
Shaucker

Professor
*
« Reply #497 on: 06-20-2005 23:19 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
I am the slowest updater ever.
I think I beat you in the slow update game.

Bergey, Lewis Carroll once said that puns were the lowest form of humor. And he was a brilliant wordplayer. Naturally, he used them more than anything. I think the same is for you. This particular installment is so pun-tastic that it's almost
pun-ishment. You're just lucky I find wordplay pun-ny or I'd be a pun-dit elsewhere.

 
Quote
the cockpit, which, ironically, is exactly what Farnsworth once decided against, opting instead to get a lioncage.

“Well,” sighed the cyclops “...we’d better hope the checks clear...”

“You mean Fortranvar Crystal?”  Fry interjected. “We’re out of that.”

The rest stop was indeed sketchy.  A crime scene sketched by an anguished artist, perhaps. 

“Hmph... quantum repair man?”  Leela scoffed.  “We’ll be lucky if there’s someone who can re-pair socks...”

“Zoidberg!  The keys?!” hollered Leela.

The doctor turned back around.  “I hear they’re lovely this time of year!”

“only the simplest of mechanical operations take up two bits.”

“Like what?”

“Shaves and haircuts, mainly.”

“Oh.”

Nerd-o-rama

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #498 on: 06-21-2005 01:57 »

I don't have much to contribute that hasn't been said already,  but I would like to express my utter joy at your two-bit gag about the two bits.  There's just so much you can do with that little phrase, much like the archetypal two bits themselves.

I give the joke a 101010/1010
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #499 on: 06-22-2005 19:25 »
« Last Edit on: 06-22-2005 19:25 »

Writer's block is crippling, so yet again I switch hobbies....

Everyone please listen to this if you can:

 Futurama Remix at Megaupload

__________________________

(Individual responses on their way)


Venus:  Hope the rowdy bunch of PEELers on the phone brightened your day.  Try your best to make it next time, k?  The gal from Florida likes the keys joke?  I gotta start making shout-outs to everyone’s home state...

DrThunder88: Your avatar shirt was one of the highlights of the weekend.  Great to meet ya.  That ‘bit’ bit is one of the rare times I’ve laughed while typing my own joke.  Egotistical?  Sure, but I knew I had a good one.  Still looking forward to your fic.

Gorky:  Hmm... the line is a bit clunky, but for some reason I like it... I think I’m going to keep it. Any suggestions as to what you think would make it better, or do you just not like the jjoke in general? Thanks for being honest;  I appreciate that.

Tongue Luck  The fact that you got the Allen Omla joke with no hints at all makes you one of the coolest people ever.  That more than makes up for the fact that you walked right past me at the airport...    tongue  Had fun rooming with ya, quite surreal indeed.  Anyway, I see what you mean about the change in exposition sections.  I’ll try to stick with it.

say what now:  Sorry this part was so short, I’m having serious trouble writing.  I mean, I still enjoy it, it just doesn’t come as easily as it used to.  I hope I can make it to the end of this story...  Thanks for reading, your support helps.

Shaucker:  heheh.. pun-ishment...  Same as what I said to Tongue PEELathonwise, and (bonus!)  I got to talk to you mom!  Woooh. 

Nerdo: Thanks for reading and taking the time to respond; doesn’t matter how much you say.  42 out of 10?  You dork.  (Gets mauled, then eaten by Steve, the hypocrisy hippo) 
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #500 on: 06-23-2005 01:09 »

That's a funky groove thang, JBERGES.
SlackJawedMoron

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #501 on: 06-23-2005 01:32 »

Um... it's good.

Sorry, I've been busy and stuff. Exams.

I can tell you that I absolutely loved the acknowledgment of the lion... and the stern rebuttal that followed.

I'll second TL's criticisms of those paragraphs, too, because I agree with them, and because it's easier to let her do that sort of stuff (damn girl's smarter than me).

I'm also feeling left out, being one of the few people on this thread who hasn't met, or at least spoken to, the others.

I WILL have to get to one of those PEEL-a-thingy's, one of these days...
Nerd-o-rama

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #502 on: 06-23-2005 04:07 »

*Downloads*

Kickass, man.  Fun as all else, and one of the best one-man remixes I've heard in a while.  This coming from a man who downloaded over three hours of arranged Final Fantasy music last week (Black Mages 4tw.)

Also, remind me to have money next summer so I can go to Peelathon!
Gorky

Space Pope
****
« Reply #503 on: 06-23-2005 09:26 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
Gorky: Hmm... the line is a bit clunky, but for some reason I like it... I think I’m going to keep it. Any suggestions as to what you think would make it better, or do you just not like the jjoke in general? Thanks for being honest;  I appreciate that.

Like you said, I think it's just the clunkiness of the line that threw me. It's not that it's unfunny or anything...the wording or something just doesn't sit right with me. Of course, you should definitely keep it, as I'm the only one who mentioned it. (And I haven't got any suggestions, but if I come up with one (if I have an "intermittent squall of thought" ), then I'll let you know.)

Oh yeah, and, honesty, I've discovered, is fun. So, I made these comment cards, see, so we could all tell you...

Oh, you're gone. Never mind...

I

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #504 on: 06-25-2005 18:51 »
« Last Edit on: 06-25-2005 18:51 »

 
Quote
If the laws of science allowed wind to blow in the dilapidated hemisphere, it would whisper, “Just let me break.”

That, was just so very, very funny.

Overall a very good update. I like... well, everything about it.

When you finally settle down to one style of writing, I hope it reads something like this.


EDIT: Oh, and by the way: Slowest updater ever, you say?
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #505 on: 07-12-2005 13:49 »
« Last Edit on: 07-13-2005 00:00 »

Thanks to those who listened to the song type thing, I think I lost the hosting there, but will get another link up soon if anyone else wants to listen.  And thanks to Slack and 'I' for giving their input on the story.  Slack, don't worry if you're busy, you have a good month between most updates to comment anyway     big grin.  'I', I was totally unaware Nix wrote fanfiction.  Good find. 

Ugh, how time flies.  Was my last update really that long ago?  Well, here’s the next bit.  I wrote a lot of it while at work, is that a bad thing?:
_________________

Part 4

“No time for questions!” Bender yelled, pointing a metallic finger at the diner window.  Inside, the lone worker idly drummed his fingers. “Meet back here in 10 minutes!” And he was gone.  Fry shrugged plaintively, and entered the front door.   

Leela and Amy entered the garage.  It gave off the same, ‘ancient death’ vibe as the remainder of the rest-stop.  A correspondingly ancient robot waited behind a counter, the two LED’s glowing behind the eyes the only hint of sentience.  Leela cautiously walked up to it.

“Hello?” she said tentatively.

“Hi.  And welcome to Steve’s Garage.  Please stand aside and let other customers through. ”

“But we’re the only-” Amy started.

“Please stand aside, or go fetch your captain”

“I AM the captain.” said Leela, already indignant.

“Does not compute.  Please stand aside, or go fetch your captain.”

Amy cut off what would have been a burst of shouting from the cyclops.

“Is there, by chance, a life form that we can discuss this with?”

“Yes, but he has no need to speak with you, please fetch your captain.”

“But she…”

“I am programmed only to accept dealings with men.”

“But that-”

“I am programmed only to accept dealings with men.”

Leela swallowed her pride.  It had a mysteriously exotic taste to it.

“Fine.  Uh… our captain… he sent us to discuss price before he bothered to leave his quarters.”

Amy gawked in Leela’s direction; she hoped the woman was up to something. The robot paused, seemingly to contemplate, but probably due to its glaringly sluggish processor.

“That is acceptable.  Please state the nature of the malfunction.”

Leela turned her back to the droid and pantomimed hitting some buttons on her wrist device, then put on the phoniest cheerful tone imaginable.

“Captain Slabbody?  Hi!  This is Leela.  … Yes, yes, we found him fine. … Oh, I’m doing great, yeah. … Yes, Amy’s here too.  … Oh, hehe!  You’re too sweet sir…”

Amy gave her a look, gesturing to speed it up.  Leela snapped back to reality.

“So anyway, this adorable wittle robot wants to know what’s wrong with the ship.”

She paused for theatrical effect, and then opened her eye wide.

“Well golly!  Those are some big words!  OK, I’ll tell him.” 

Leela twirled back to face the robot.

“He says, ‘a loose quantum drive is causing severe instablety…uh… instability”

Amy had to turn away and cover her face to keep from hysterics.  This was just too out of character for Leela.  Another pause by the robot, this time even longer.

“That problem is unsolvable with the tools that are at our disposal.”

“He says it’s unplausible with the tools they have,” Leela talked into her forearm.  “…OK.  OK, I’ll ask him.”  She looked up at the automaton. “But you could bring the tools in, right?”

A third pause.

“That would cost us more money than you could possibly afford.”

“Oh, I’m not too sure about that” Amy jumped in, clearly enjoying herself, “Our captain’s very rich… and verrrry sexy.”

“He’d want the greatest designer tools from far and wide. Could you give him an estimate?  ” asked Leela.

A fourth pause, the grandest of all.  The inferior robot was clearly struggling with the complex calculations.

“Estimated cost… … infinite… dollars…”

Leela put her arm back to her ear, and then addressed the droid again.

“You, sir, drive a hard bargain.  Charge us 70 percent of that and you’ve got yourself a deal.”

The robot exploded.

“Hmmph, overflow error.” Leela leered.

“Common in robots built before 2800” added Amy, remembering some of her college engineering.  “Well... now what?”

“We wait for the owner, who should-“

“What in the name of Jesus Reformatted Christ is goin’ on in here?!” bellowed a voice which could only be described as ‘unpleasant.’ Footsteps echoed ominously down the hall, and Leela prepared herself for whomever... or whatever emerged around the corner.

Fry leaned against the counter, the hand not propping himself up drawing a crude dog shape in the dust that had gathered on the surface.  He eyed the cashier, who was ostensibly weary of his only customer of the day.

“Sooooooo...”  Fry drawled... “You come here often?”

“I work here, sir.”

“Fascinating!”

A crash from behind the cashier told Fry to hit the deck.  Bender had, after some deep thought, decided on a ‘smash and grab’ strategy over the ‘sneak and pilfer’ and the albeit briefly considered ‘rumba and rummage’ strategies.

 “Commence operation Counter Strike!!” came the battle cry.  Bender turned to the now ardently alert attendant.

“Five sandwiches!  Now!  Before someone gets hurt!  ...also, could you throw in the maximum amount money I can steal before it becomes a jailable offence?”

“Y-y-yes Mr. Robot sir!” was all the callow employee could stutter.  Meanwhile, the front door slammed shut, and all three occupants wheeled around to discover a guest none of them recognized.

“A robbery, eh?” said the man as he entered.  He seemed irate, but not because of the situation.  He seemed interested, but not quite surprised by what he had entered upon.  His species was apparently reptilian, or perhaps amphibious, but this guy looked like he was capable of using Kif as a birdie in an extremely macho game of badminton. He eyed Fry darkly then turned his gaze to Bender.  “Well?” he asked, like some sort of monstrous mother expecting an immediate explanation. No one stirred, though the attendant whimpered mutedly.

“Bender,” Fry hissed, in a faux-whisper, “What do we do?!”

Very calmly, Bender turned to the cashier.  “Better make that six sandwiches”

A smile that could brighten a dark room, and thus cause all those around to quaver at the sight of it’s bearer, crept onto the interloper.  He laughed heartily.

“Hey, you guys are alright!” He chortled, redonning his previous mood only to address the worker.  “You heard him!  Get to it!”

“Yes s-s-sir!” 

The unfortunate employee bumbled through his work, two potentially dangerous and one seemingly vacant set of eyes watching over him.

“And don’t forget the frilly toothpicks!” barked the green skinned one before turning to Fry.  “By the way, my name’s Charlie. Hey, why don’t you guys come over to my ship for lunch?”

“I’m Fry, and that’s Bender. Uh, we’d love to, honestly, but we kinda have to meet with our-”

“Bring ‘em along, I don’t care.”

“...sure.” said Fry, not wanting to get on this new friend’s bad side.  He uncomfortably glanced at his surroundings, and noted the cashier, still shivering, handing a sack to Bender.  “C’mon Bender, let’s get out of here before I get that nauseous feeling again.”

“I had Zoidberg prescribe you guilt medicine!  Why don’t you take it?!”

“He ate it all when he realized it was just Eucharist”

“Oh, well then- Hey wait up!”  Shouted Bender, grabbing Fry and heading after Charlie, who was already out the door.

________________________

Slowly but surely getting into the plot… at the rate I’m writing, I’ll graduate before this damn thing’s finished.  Anyway, if there are any readers still about, I appreciate your feedback, whether positive or negative.


------------------
Brevity is the soul of
jubei

Delivery Boy
**
« Reply #506 on: 07-12-2005 19:36 »

Grtting's JBERGES part 4 I thought was very interesting  also it look's like you could wright circles around me. I dont't know if you have read my fic or not but if so do you have any idea's for Fry's destiny if so feel free to post them in my thread or send them in an e-mail because I really don't want to put the fic on permanet hiatus. later day's
SlackJawedMoron

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #507 on: 07-13-2005 03:06 »
« Last Edit on: 07-13-2005 03:06 »

 
Quote
“Estimated cost… … infinite… dollars…”

Leela put her arm back to her ear, and then addressed the droid again.

“You, sir, drive a hard bargain. Charge us 70 percent of that and you’ve got yourself a deal.”

The robot exploded.


Absolutely brilliant.

 
Quote
“I had Zoidberg prescribe you guilt medicine! Why don’t you take it?!”

“He ate it all when he realized it was just Eucharist”

Also brilliant.

Something about the robbery scene confused me. Maybe it was just because I'm not paying too close attention at the moment, I don't know, but it didn't quite flow right with me. Eh.

Spacedal11

Space Pope
****
« Reply #508 on: 07-13-2005 03:41 »

 
Quote
“Captain Slabbody? Hi! This is Leela. … Yes, yes, we found him fine. … Oh, I’m doing great, yeah. … Yes, Amy’s here too. … Oh, hehe! You’re too sweet sir…”

If you can here me through your computer screen JBERGES, I'm laughing very loudly. I just have one question, does Fry know the word fascinating? He seems to stupid to know that. Otherwise, I laughed and laughed, then cried, and burped cause I had a coke a minute ago. I love you.  smile
Kloudes

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #509 on: 07-13-2005 07:28 »
« Last Edit on: 07-13-2005 07:28 »

Salutations, JBERGES! Glad to see you finally are getting around some of that writer's block.

Slacky, those were my two favorite jokes as well. Both were extremely clever.

Unfortunately, I don't have much to say as we happen to talk regularly about this... I just wanted to make you feel loved.   love  I think this is one of the funnier parts as far as this particular fic goes... Not continuously, but you have a few solid, punctuated jokes in there. The best ones come when you least expect them, right?
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #510 on: 07-13-2005 08:13 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Kloudes:
I don't have much to say as we happen to talk regularly about this...


grumble grumble lucky bitch grumble grumble explosives under pillow grumble
Kloudes

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #511 on: 07-13-2005 09:56 »

Yeah well, it's you he really wants  tongue I'm just conveniently located.
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #512 on: 07-13-2005 19:36 »

The best laid plans of mice, you know.
This was supposed to be up a while ago.
Hmm... that rhymes.

I think your writing is awful swell,
Amusing prose just rings my bell.
No, I've not been singing dirges,
'cause I've been reviewing for JBERGES.

Thieving Bender is really keen,
You know he always steals the scene.
Crashing into Zoidy's path?
It's guaranteed to make me laugh!

The bot's self-exultation barely lags
Sweet JBERGES seldom brags
He's mean to crabby who sadly sags
then Bender's off for dirty mags.

The cargo wasn't cause for fear,
Bender wanted it to disappear,
but looking made the robot squeal
"There's nothin' [here] for me to steal!"

Hubert Farnsworth messed up again,
but that's no reason for fun to end
Let's not give up, but go on a jag
to find some interplanetary swag

A violent shake fills Fry with fear
Your metaphors to me are dear
Earthquake! Earthquake! Not quite true.
A graceful Amy?  smile Only you.

Frazzled Leela tries to save them,
From another dose of fevered mayhem
Shaking them like unwanted storks
How they hate the quantum dorks! 

Traveling space, it's not a joke
Vacuum's not the place to soak
Unless the nebula's nitrous oxide
you're better off by staying dockside

Every clever turn of phrase
puts me in a laughing craze
Well, you know how to use your head
The traffic lights are infared!

Although the colours all fluoresced
Captain Leela's feeling stressed
She'd like to stretch and take a rest
but Fry is peeking at her breast

A giant cell phone? Now that's funny!
Your imagery is often punny
The jostling helps a martini mixer
Now it's time to find a fixer.

Amy scolds herself for failure
and no one else wants to hail her
Bender mocks his sycophant
but soon revenge proves resonant.

Leela shows her pilot's skill
then ponders how to pay the bill
Zoidberg takes a nasty fall
Will truckers give "One-Eye" a call?

This part was fun; this part was clool
Your talent make me tend to drool
The one who missed this was a fool
Why can't they teach Bergey in school?

I hope you know how much it means
to have you share these wacky scenes
Although I now must say adieu,
Beta-Berges, my thanks to you!

Orange.
Spacedal11

Space Pope
****
« Reply #513 on: 07-13-2005 19:53 »

And the award for best Reviewing Poem goes to...
Gorky

Space Pope
****
« Reply #514 on: 07-13-2005 20:53 »
« Last Edit on: 07-13-2005 20:53 »

Ooo, Spacedal...lemme guess! Um...is it Layla? Is it? I bet it is! I'm so smart! (Seriously, Layla, that was...amazing. And it also seems time-consuming. But amazing, nonetheless.)

Wait, what's this thread about again? Oh, right, the awesome JBERGES. Great update as always, man. Part of why this is so interesting is the fact that you keep in all the great banter that was in your scripts (well, duh), and you mix choppy prose with the more, well, eloquent stuff. It's an interesting team of...writing stuff, and the final product is just incredible.

Like this...

 
Quote
Bender had, after some deep thought, decided on a ‘smash and grab’ strategy over the ‘sneak and pilfer’ and the albeit briefly considered ‘rumba and rummage’ strategies.

I just like it for some reason. 'Cause, y'know, it's funny and...junk. (Okay, I have to stop talking now.)

 
Quote
ardently alert attendant

I like the alliteration. It has absolutely nothing to do with the plot of the story, but it just sounds good. That is all.

 
Quote
His species was apparently reptilian, or perhaps amphibious, but this guy looked like he was capable of using Kif as a birdie in an extremely macho game of badminton.

Great description, and an example of the not-so-choppy writing I was talking about earlier. One of the advantages to writing a prose story is that you can have bits like that. And you pull it off so well, so I guess that's an added bonus, too.

And, as for the Eucharist line that Slacky quoted, that's quite possibly the most Futurama-y line in this whole section. I know that doesn't make any sense, but I could hear that so well in my head. I guess that's why I think it would have fit so well into an actual episode. Always a good thing.

So, what else is there to say? It's nice to see that you seem to have found your voice, and that, while there are still the tiniest elements of Douglas Adams' style in spots (not a bad thing, mind you), this is a totally original and, y'know, hilarious outing. I'm definitely looking forward to more.
Nerd-o-rama

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #515 on: 07-13-2005 21:59 »

JBERGES, I love you in a completely platonic, macho way.

Layla, I love you in a completely platonic but not necessarily as macho way.
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #516 on: 07-14-2005 03:41 »
« Last Edit on: 07-14-2005 03:41 »

   
Quote
Originally posted by Spacedal11:I just have one question, does Fry know the word fascinating? He seems to stupid to know that.

Is he stupid enough to confuse "to" the preposition/adverb with "too" the adverb?  Zing!  Seriously though, that was the best, non-suspicious small talk ever.

- Nothing trumps an exploding robot except for the left bower.
- The "rumba and rummage" is highly underrated and critically underutilized.  Also you just made it up, which was awesome.
- Just so you know, the minimum jailable offense during a robbery is robbery... *DrThunder explodes*
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #517 on: 07-14-2005 15:18 »

Glad I could mildly amuse, Spacedal11, Gorky.  smile
N-o-r, I love you too in a platonic and intensely macho way. Look at my muscles! big grin
(You know JBERGES has made some implication that I'm carrying your love child thanks to that froofy dress. The first baby in history to be elctronically transferred.) smile

Now for a proper review since my foray into verse was less review than recap.

You had me smiling right off the bat with that demonstration of Bender's independance. Am I the only one who worries the instant he disappears for any reason?

'ancient death' vibe. Have I mentioned you're fantastic? Oh, I have? Well... I haven't today.

The description of the robot is genuinely creepy to the point where I'm not sure I'd want to read a story of yours where you were really trying to scare. Great description is what I'm trying to say. 

And then of course you make me laugh again. Battles with technology are always funny and it's a nice little poke at the Futurama 'theme' that even in a thousand years the primary purpose of technology will still be to drive us mad.

 
Quote
Leela swallowed her pride. It had a mysteriously exotic taste to it.
Jokes like this push all my buttons, not that I can explain why. Great fun, though!
Liked the sexism.

Adored Leela's response to the sexism! I can hear her voice. So fun!

Slabbody, eh? (laughs) (eyes JBERGES suspiciously) (laughs much louder)

I've been doing way too much writing/reviewing, because this line: "This was just too out of character for Leela," yanked me completely out of the moment.

It was like reading a weird meta-review. I'm sure it's just me though.

All the little word garblings (which I find very very to write) are just perfect. The robot is clearly a professional estimator as that's the same estimate they mechanics always give us. Loved how Leela got caught up in the fantasy captain, and Amy jumping in as well.
 
Quote
A fourth pause, the grandest of all.
I didn't think it was possible to make a pause sound regal, but there it is.

 
Quote
“You, sir, drive a hard bargain. Charge us 70 percent of that and you’ve got yourself a deal.”
Yay for Leela, evil genius! Yay for JBERGES, genius writer. Evil genius writer... it's like an answer to that game of yours.

Liked the refence to engineering Amy.
 
Quote
Fry leaned against the counter, the hand not propping himself up drawing a crude dog shape in the dust that had gathered on the surface.
I don't know if this is a subtle little reference to Seymour, but nevertheless, I went 'aww' with sadness.

Liked Fry annoying the clerk. (And I'm sure he knows 'fascinating'. Spock said it all the time after all.

I know everyone's adoring you for 'rumba and rummage' but I just have to chime in with the adoration. (Gurgles merrily)

 
Quote
this guy looked like he was capable of using Kif as a birdie in an extremely macho game of badminton.
Bwahahahaha! You can never go back to script! Your descriptions are too good!
 
Quote
A smile that could brighten a dark room, and thus cause all those around to quaver at the sight of it’s bearer, crept onto the interloper.

See above. (Well, above the quote.)

Bender's great throughout, and you've got me amused and a little worried about the scary guy. I also hereby dub you king of fancy words. Let me just get my sword...

 
Quote
“By the way, my name’s Charlie.

(Eyes JBERGES suspiciously, again. How coincidental.)

I love Fry feeling guilty every once in a while. It's the kind of sweetness that keeps me breathing.

I'm very interested to see where you're going with the plot, John. It's fascinating, Captain andlogicaltoo.

Oh, and congratulations for blowing up DrThunder. It's long been a goal of mine, but you beat me to it.  wink


Disclaimer: I may not have made sense to anyone in certain parts of this. I rarely do, so it's best just to let it go.
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #518 on: 07-14-2005 19:10 »

So, I shouldn't open that package you sent me, Layla?
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #519 on: 07-14-2005 23:53 »

Well... no, no, I guess once is enough for anyone. Does take all the fun out of it though. Sigh.

(thinks)
Wait... did I mix up your box with the delivery of a litter of exceedingly fluffy apology kittens to Venus? (Gasp!) Venus! Don't open that box!
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