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Author Topic: Guy you've never heard of writes something mediocre!  (Read 29521 times)
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Probulator

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #320 on: 10-20-2004 01:59 »
« Last Edit on: 10-20-2004 01:59 »

Awesome fics in this thread, JBERGES. I must have spent... way too much time in front of the computer reading them all. Bravo on keeping everyone so in-character, but it is definitely the "nerdy" jokes that kept me going.

Edit: My first TOTPD, hooray! *does Zoidberg scuttle*
boingo2000

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #321 on: 10-23-2004 13:55 »

The new part came out and I missed it?  I didn't get to be part of the first wave of reviews?  Awww....

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
Leela (fearful):  We’ve been set up, Bender.  I don’t think Dennis is the man we thought he was.

Bender:  (gasp) You mean… he’s a woman?  Just when I think I’ve-

Heeheehee.  I love it.

 
Quote
Bender: Hey now, don’t be so hasty. I’m not one for jumping to conclusions…

Leela: Bender, you-

Bender (cross):  How dare you even suggest that!

That's perfect.

 
Quote
(Fry walks past Gauss’s Pizza, (“$√2 per slice!  Our prices are irrational!”) and towards the lab)

I get that!  I finally get one of the science jokes!

 
Quote
(Leela stares blankly at her wrist, then turns around and hits a button again)

Wrist Computer: Planet Express ship, 1.3 miles due east.

Leela (dry): Oh, nice one.   Everyone’s just been so useful today.

Wrist Computer:  Turanga Leela’s Tetris high scores… deleted.

Leela (saddened):  Ohh… (she starts walking)

[James Lipton (of Indise the Actor's Studio]The comic timing on that one is nothing shy of masterful![/JL]

 
Quote
Scientist 1 (off screen; shouting):  Hey!  Wait!

Fry: Uh-oh.  (He dives into the nearby cartful of lab coats) (Pleased)  Heh-heh.  He’ll never find me in this hiding spot right next to where he just saw me.

 
Quote
Norman:  Earth is but a typo in the thesis of this universe, Gene.  We are simply the spellchecker.

Gene:  What? 

(Norman points to a nearby sign that reads, “Please only use metaphors while discussing any evil plans”)

Go man, go!  Show those cliches no mercy!

Despite your claim that this was the
hardest to make funny, I must say you've succeeded admirably.  Looking forward to the next bit!
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #322 on: 11-18-2004 15:41 »
« Last Edit on: 11-18-2004 15:41 »

    And I thought the
last part was difficult to write.  There I was with what would be pages upon pages of back-story in my mind, and I suddenly realized that the ideas were too large for the outline I had set… condense this… leave that out…until it’s at a point where you can’t even tell if I cared about the plot to begin with.  Even so, this part’s heavy on the exposition because it has to be.  At this point, I just hope you find it funny, which was the second reason this post is so delayed.  I recommend reading the last part again to get a refresher (at least that’s what I had to do).
_____________________________ _

Part Five


(Cut to Fry:  He is further along, slinking through the hallways.  He happens upon a closed door with the name plate: “Prof. Dennis Paladine”)

Fry:  Yes!  I made it!  And no one’s the wiser! Well, I guess they’re all wiser, but the point is that I haven’t yet made them even wiser. But then, do I ever make anyone wiser?  (He blinks sharply at his own confusion) Anyway, no one knows I’m here at least.

(Cut to: A stairwell.  Scientists are collecting around a dazed man lying at the bottom of the stairs)

Gene: What happened here?

Scientist:  Something’s amiss.  Norm was just knocked down the stairs!

Gene:  That is odd. A norm should never fall along the gradient! (He chortles)

Scientist:  Shut up, Eugene…

(Cut back to Fry: He opens the door without as much as a knock, and spies Dennis facing away from him mixing chemicals at a counter)

Fry:  Dennis!  Thank God I found-

(Dennis wheels around, and nearly pales at Fry’s sight)

Dennis (shocked):  Fry?!  But I thought…I thought you…

Fry:  You have to help me!  Some bad scientists are planning something evil and I think it involves Earth.

Dennis (austere): (pause)  I know.

Fry:  Oh, good!  Then by now…wait, what?!

(Cut to: The pile of hotel rubble, and only the hotel rubble.  Bender has apparently abandoned it)

(Time lapse: Cut to Leela: she has arrived at the lab, but has opted for the front entrance)

Leela (Now at the front door, prepping herself):  OK, you don’t have to fight your way through.  Stay cool, and outsmart them using that science you learned in school…

(Leela opens the door to discover one lone sentinel, and an otherwise empty lobby.  Leela strides assertively towards the guarded entrance.  The guard steps in front of her)

Guard:  Excuse me ma’am, but-

(Of course, by now, Leela is already in midair)

Leela (in kicking motion): Hee-

(Time Freeze.  White text appears over the scene with a friendly 'DING' sound.)

Newton’s First
 
Leela (As her foot hits his face): -ya!

(Time Freeze. DING! Newton’s Second)

(The guard flies back into the wall)

Guard:  Oof!

(Time Freeze. DING! Newton’s Third)

(He slides down the wall, a trickle of drool escaping his mouth)

(Time Freeze. DING! Newton’s Fourth)

(Leela enters the lab area and hurriedly scans the deserted hallways)

Leela:  Where is everybody?

(She rushes on)

(Cut to: The pile of hotel rubble.  An ornate card table rests precariously on the debris, along with four folding chairs.  Bender is seated, bedecked with an X-ray monocle, surrounded by with 3 other robots reminiscent of 3CP0’s design.)

Bender (Faux British king accent):  I thank you gentlemen for joining me, distinguished ambassador to Mensa,  for a friendly diversion before my meeting.  Spontaneous accommodation failure be darned, when life gives you Linux, make Linux-ade, I always say. (He shuffles a deck of cards)

Robots 1, 2 and 3 (simultaneous):  Too true!  Here, here!  Agreed!

Robot 2:  Pardon me, good Sir; what planet did you say you were ambassador from again?

Bender (Off guard):  Uh, that planet of extremely intelligent robots of course…  Deep Blue… Something.  Place your bets!

(Time lapse cut to: Dennis.  He is at his lab, facing away from the door again, mixing two colored liquids.  He puts them down, and picks up a cookie)

(Time Freeze. DING! Fig Newton)

(He eats it, and then gets back to work.  Suddenly, a rather angry Leela bursts into the room)

Leela (charging at Dennis):  Alright, Dennis! Start talking!  What’s the plan?!  Homicide? Genocide? Barbicide?  Tell me!  (She now has him by the collar) 

Dennis: Leela, you have it all wrong!  Just-

Leela:  We’ll see about that.  Now tell me, tell me now!

Dennis:  What do you want?

Leela:  I want the truth!

Dennis (menacing):  The truth?! You can handle the truth!

Leela (delighted): Oh, good. (she puts him down)

Dennis:  Here’s what’s happening as far as I can tell.  A small faction of scientists comprising mainly of my superiors is putting their plan into motion today.  They’re preparing to destroy Earth using a new “scientific breakthrough” weapon, because they've deemed Earth deplorable.  Today is the day they reveal themselves and their scheme to the rest of the lab, and unfortunately, I predict little resistance, as most Mensans will be eager to see the new technology tested.  Also, most are natives and have only seen Earth’s culture via reality TV and infomercials.

Leela (grave):  We’re doomed!

Dennis: Exactly. (sigh)  Mensa… it started as a proposal to get away from the politics and distances that held back our research on Earth, and has turned into a dark grudge… bigotry even.  It sickens me. They can’t go out and declare war, but if it’s in the name of science it’s…

Leela (Remembering her intentions):  Hold it!  Don’t try to fool me! You’re behind this too!  You’re the one who ordered the parts from us, let them steal our ship, and then tried to kill us!

Dennis (trying to be calm):  No… no…wait. You have to hear me out.  Yes, I brought you here.  But I had no choice, I was threatened.  I was forced to.  Trust me; I’d rather see them all dead than put Earth in jeopardy.  I was born on Earth; it’s my home.  These people are too tunnel-visioned to realize what 'home'- what Earth means to some people.

Leela:  Then why did you set us up at the hotel?!  You’ve been leading us towards death all day.

Dennis (no longer calm):  Listen!  I’ve been the only thing keeping you from death all day.  They would have killed you at the ship if I hadn't strayed you away, they would have killed you at the lab if I hadn't dragged you to a hotel, and the reason I ran my old wrinkled behind to the hotel to check on you was because I was actually concerned.  All at my own personal risk.  I didn't know if the faction had found out where you were, if I should try to move you somewhere else, if I should tell you about what I had learned and put my own life in danger…

(He takes a deep breath, pausing to look Leela straight in the eye)

Dennis (anguished):  When I saw you three status quo at the hotel, I suddenly felt that all my anxiety had been unnecessary.  I felt… dumb.  Perhaps…perhaps I had done a good job of covering your tracks.  I could keep you safe and make it look like I was still doing my job until I sabotaged them.  But I was wrong… they found you.

Leela:  Dennis-

Dennis: (candid) Look, I’m sorry I’ve put you through this, and maybe I would have had the guts to defy my superiors sooner if I had known things would turn out this way.  But right now, as long as you’re here, you’ve got to put your suspicions behind you and either help me or stay out of my way.  They've been busy preparing their presentation, and now everyone but a few guards and me are in the main hall. For the first time I've had time alone in my lab, and I think I've found the solution…

Leela:  You already have a way out of this?

Dennis (sarcastic):  No, I found a beaker of salt water…

Leela (slightly sympathetic):  I don’t know what to say… this is all so confusing… and I still don’t know where Fry is…

Dennis:  Oh, Fry?  He stopped by a little awhile ago; our exchange was somewhat more tranquil than this one.  I’ve already put him to use; he’s going to try to buy me some time…
_____________________________ ___

OK, with that out of the way, the rest should be easier to write.  I hope you found this enjoyable, and I’ll try to get the next part out a bit faster… unless I decide to combine the last two parts into one mega conclusion part.  We shall see.  Questions?  Comments?  Critiques?

Music Update!!

Well, since so many people have taken a liking to that song I posted in Layla’s thread, here’s a list of all the songs I’ve made so far for the Futurama game

    1:
Futurama Suite: Even slower and more depressing than the one in Layla’s thread.
2:PE Ship:  In the demo.
3:Wasteland:  In the demo.
4: The Search:  Faster Music
5: Leela’s Lament : The one From Layla’s thread

And the two works in progress:
6: Song 6
7: Song 7
[/list]

Any and all types of feedback are appreciated.
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #323 on: 11-18-2004 16:46 »

Yeehaw! (Do I sound like a yankee?) This was a lot of fun, JBERGES. Your stories always are! Let's see... what'd I like in particular.

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:


Fry: Yes! I made it! And no one’s the wiser! Well, I guess they’re all wiser, but the point is that I haven’t yet made them even wiser. But then, do I ever make anyone wiser? (He blinks sharply at his own confusion) Anyway, no one knows I’m here at least.

I love this little ramble! It's completely adorable.

Gene: That is odd. A norm should never fall along the gradient! (He chortles)
Scientist: Shut up, Eugene…

Oy... smile You write the scientists really well. This reminds me so much of my crazy physics professor.

(Cut to: The pile of hotel rubble, and only the hotel rubble. Bender has apparently abandoned it)

Great set up. Just this made me laugh!


(Time Freeze. White text appears over the scene with a friendly 'DING' sound.)

Newton’s First

(Time Freeze. DING! Newton’s Second)
(Time Freeze. DING! Newton’s Third)
(Time Freeze. DING! Newton’s Fourth)
(Time Freeze. DING! Fig Newton)

Fantastic! This is pure gold, JBERGES, really. And the timing on the last one? It took me completely by surprise. Soooo great!


 Also, most are natives and have only seen Earth’s culture via reality TV and infomercials.
Leela (grave): We’re doomed!

Priceless!!

day. They would have killed you at the ship if I hadn't strayed you away, they would

Hmm... strayed you away. That's a strange phrase to me, but that's just me!
Also, while I'm being mean,

(Dennis wheels around, and nearly pales at Fry’s sight)

Pales at Fry's sight? Maybe, pales at the sight of Fry?

... and I think I've found the solution…

Dennis (sarcastic): No, I found a beaker of salt water…

I love the science jokes! Beside the fact it's funny, it's the sort of remark one would expect a scientist to make. Yay!


And, like before, love the music! In the first one I like the part where all the background dies away and just the theme remains. You've got some music talent there, as well as your obvious writing talent!

I love deadlines, especially the whooshing sound they make as they fly past my head. Douglas Adams
Nerd-o-rama

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #324 on: 11-18-2004 17:23 »
« Last Edit on: 11-19-2004 00:00 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Layla50
Yeehaw! (Do I sound like a yankee?)
Yes.

JB - I like it.  The plot is really picking up and you are an expert at throwing in random jokes, especially the science ones that are missing from so many others.  Layla covered it fairly well, especially the way these guys all sound like the idiot profs that teach freshman lectures and think they're God's gift to cheesy humor.

A few other nice bits: 
Quote
when life gives you Linux, make Linux-ade, I always say.
Careful, you'll anger the Linux-nerds.  Ooh, I'm so superior because I have a free operating system that actually works!  Yeah, well do you have Half-Life 2?  I didn't think so. 
Quote
(Time lapse cut to: Dennis. He is at his lab, facing away from the door again, mixing two colored liquids. He puts them down, and picks up a cookie)

(Time Freeze. DING! Fig Newton)
Also, now I want the fangame even more after listening to that music.  Excellent adventure-gaming stuff.
SlackJawedMoron

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #325 on: 11-18-2004 20:30 »

That Newton thing was classic.

Much heavier on the exposition and lighter on the funnies this time 'round. But hey, if I wanted all funny and no plot, I'd go watch Monty Python or something. Which I will. When I see some. Yep.

And kick the Linux nerds once more for me!
M0le

Space Pope
****
« Reply #326 on: 11-18-2004 23:07 »

Don't let Rage see the Linux joke....  tongue
Kloudes

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #327 on: 11-19-2004 01:13 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Lrrrr:
HOLY CRAP!!!! NICE WORK this really reminds me of TKOS. it was the BEST thing i have EVER read in my ENTIRE life. i almost cryed on the last part LOL considering i hardly ever cry on storys :P. I hope that you keep on writeing these kind of storys.

I couldn't think of anything original to say, so take this as an UBER-COMPLIMENT.

Seriously, though, glad to see you finally conquered the writer's block, and what came out wasn't half bad.  Now you just have to finish it...  evil laugh
Shaucker

Professor
*
« Reply #328 on: 11-19-2004 09:44 »

Jon's back! Hooray! And just as funny as ever, might I add. Sadly, I don't think I referenced anything not previously mentioned in posts, but that's what I get for being late to the party.  smile

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
Gene:  That is odd. A norm should never fall along the gradient! (He chortles)

Scientist:  Shut up, Eugene…

Mwee...that's cute, and oddly enough, in the genre of things I would say.

 
Quote
(Time Freeze.  White text appears over the scene with a friendly 'DING' sound.)
Newton’s First
 Leela (As her foot hits his face): -ya!
(Time Freeze. DING! Newton’s Second)
(The guard flies back into the wall)
Guard:  Oof!
(Time Freeze. DING! Newton’s Third)
(He slides down the wall, a trickle of drool escaping his mouth)
(Time Freeze. DING! Newton’s Fourth)
(Time Freeze. DING! Fig Newton)

Very Groening-esque. And the cookie joke is a winner too. Except Fig Newtons tend to get stuck in your teeth, so I like the raspberry ones instead.

If you don't eat meat, you'll break out in vaginas.
boingo2000

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #329 on: 11-19-2004 16:19 »
« Last Edit on: 11-20-2004 00:00 »

   
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
Part Five
Scientist:  Something’s amiss.  Norm was just knocked down the stairs!

Gene:  That is odd. A norm should never fall along the gradient! (He chortles)

Scientist:  Shut up, Eugene…

All together now: boingo doesn't get it!  I bet it's another crazy science joke though, so I chuckled just to appear smart.

 
Quote
(Time Freeze.  White text appears over the scene with a friendly 'DING' sound.)

Newton’s First
...
(Time Freeze. DING! Newton’s Second)
...
(Time Freeze. DING! Newton’s Third)
...
(Time Freeze. DING! Newton’s Fourth)
...
(Time Freeze. DING! Fig Newton)

When I read the first one, I thought "Wouldn't it be funny if he was working up to a pun involving the TV show Newton's Apple?"  As it turns out, you weren't, but that was just as good.  (I know, I know, if I'm so funny why don't I write my own damn fanfic?)

 
Quote
Spontaneous accommodation failure be darned, when life gives you Linux, make Linux-ade, I always say. (He shuffles a deck of cards)

Robots 1, 2 and 3 (simultaneous):  Too true!  Here, here!  Agreed!

Now, I've never used Linux, so I have not taken a side in the pro-/anti-Linux war.  But I know a great pun when I see it.  It's right there.

   
Quote
Robot 2:  Pardon me, good Sir; what planet did you say you were ambassador from again?

Bender (Off guard):  Uh, that planet of extremely intelligent robots of course…  Deep Blue… Something.

Great.  Now I have that "Breakfast At Tiffany's" song in my head.  What an obscure reference.

   
Quote
Leela:  I want the truth!

Dennis (menacing):  The truth?! You can handle the truth!

Leela (delighted): Oh, good.

I was thinking the other day that I'd like to direct a production of the play A Few Good Men, but Jack Nicholson's ruined all other actors ability to deliver that line and not take the auidence out of the moment.  No point here, just a random observation.

   
Quote
Also, most are natives and have only seen Earth’s culture via reality TV and infomercials.

Leela (grave):  We’re doomed!

Dennis: Exactly.

Am I the only one scared that this could actually happen?  (ProbablyDefinatly.)

   
Quote
Dennis:  Oh, Fry?  He stopped by a little awhile ago; our exchange was somewhat more tranquil than this one.  I’ve already put him to use; he’s going to try to buy me some time…

And just like that, you're going to leave us in suspense for who knows how long?  Oh, my nerves...

   
Quote
Origianlly posted by SlackJawedMoron:
Much heavier on the exposition and lighter on the funnies this time 'round.

I couldn't agree more (not that that's a bad thing, just not what I was expecting.  Sorry about that accidental rhyme).  But I like where the story is going, and look forward to the next bit.
Tongue Luck

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #330 on: 11-19-2004 17:02 »
« Last Edit on: 11-19-2004 17:02 »

This was a delight to read. My god, I've missed your thread. No more prolonged breaks for either of us, kay?

   
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
Gene:  That is odd. A norm should never fall along the gradient! (He chortles)
Is this the uber-nerdy joke you were threatening us with earlier? Me likes!   
Quote
bad scientists
*gets embarrassed for no reason... no reason at all*   
Quote
outsmart them using that science you learned in school…
So, I read this and thought, "Okay, she's going to karate their asses. Yeah. That's funny. Not paint-your-own-pottery funny, but worth cracking a smile over." Then you totally surprised me with the Newton thing, and I laughed and laughed (though I'll swallow my pride and admit that you lost me with "Newton's Fourth" ).  I second Shaucker. Very Groening. I also like that you described the "DING" as friendly. Not sure why. Then came the Fig Newton joke, and I laughed and laughed and laughed. Then it spurred a flashback to when I was six years old, and my dad would attempt a Liverpool accent and pretend to be a talking newt named Figgy. Haven't thought about that in, like, a decade. My dad's weird.
   
Quote
Bender (Off guard):  Uh, that planet of extremely intelligent robots of course…  Deep Blue… Something.
Quahahahaha! This isn't alternative rock. It's college rock! My god, that amused me far too much.

Grammarama:
   
Quote
A small faction of scientists comprising mainly of my superiors is putting their plan into motion today.
"Is" is singular. "Their" is plural. Is putting its plan? Also, comprise (or comprising, as the case may be) is kind of a confusing and often misused word.
   
Quote
Dennis (anguished):  When I saw you three status quo at the hotel,
Can you use status quo as an adjective like that? It feels wrong to me, but I'm honestly not sure. Where's Birdbot when you need 'im?

All in all, awesome as usual. I've been jonesin' for this stuff.
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #331 on: 11-20-2004 01:27 »
« Last Edit on: 11-20-2004 01:27 »

Thanks everyone for your input, nice cooperative error check, too.  Good job.

A few things:  Although I am a Windows user, I’ve never used Linux, so my zing is unjustified.  It just happened to fit the pun well… Speaking of, many high fives to everyone who got the Deep Blue Something pun.  Nothing like mixing a chess-playing computer with college rock.  Also, I must admit, that “fig Newton” joke was a last second add on.  Now it appears to have been deemed as one of my best…

Layla:  I’ll make the changes you suggesed for the final version.  Thanks.  Also, I’m an engineering student, which guarantees lots of time with similar professors.  I’m sure Nerd-o will agree.  And thanks for the compliment on the music, just another hobby I have that distracts me from getting anything important done.

Nerd-o-Rama: “guys all sound like the idiot profs that teach freshman lectures and think they're God's gift to cheesy humor.”  Exactly.  Glad you like the game music too, though the number of songs written doesn’t coincide with the number of levels created.  I seem a bit ahead of the game (now that’s a pun), as the rest of the game production seems to have slowed.  I hope production picks up again soon.

Slackjaw:  Well, everything needs some plot…  Thanks for reading.

Boingo:  Here’s a gratuitously lengthy explanation of that joke: In mathematics and physics, a “norm” (normal vector/line) is a line or vector perpendicular to a given section of a graph. It’s at a right angle to the tangent of the curve, hence always at a right angle to the slope.  Therefore, a norm never falls pointing up or down a slope. Cue bad pun about a scientist named “Norm” falling down a slope.  Hilarious, eh? Also, I agree with the A Few Good Men comment; the line even sounded weird in my head when I read it over.

TL: Always glad to amuse you.  The "Newton’s fourth" thing was meant to be confusing.  It was supposed to make you think, “When did Newton come up with another law, and how could it possibly apply to the situation?” I liked calling the ‘Ding’ friendly too!  It’s cool when you pick stuff like that out.  You are to my writing as I apparently am to Layla’s.  Right, no more prolonged breaks… I’ll try. 
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #332 on: 11-29-2004 16:12 »
« Last Edit on: 11-30-2004 00:00 »

*bump*

Alright Tongue, I updated in less than 2 weeks; the ball’s in your court now!  Though it is a pretty short segment… I stopped it where I thought it would be best to.  The finale will be longer than a normal part. 
_____________________________ ________________
Part 6

Leela (slightly sympathetic):  I don’t know what to say… this is all so confusing… and I still don’t know where Fry is…

Dennis:  Oh, Fry?  He stopped by a little while ago; our exchange was somewhat more tranquil than this one.  I’ve already put him to use; he’s going to try to buy me some time…

(Cut to Fry:  He is sitting in the front row of the large presentation hall, still with lab coat and clipboard.  One lone scientist is speaking to the audience.  He speaks from the stage, a large sheet covering something in the shape of the PE ship behind him)

Speaker:  And so, to conveniently recapitulate the specifics for anyone not paying attention before, by rerouting some of the power from the universe distortion drive in each engine while inverting the polarity of the left engine, we are able to create two antithesis-continuum beams.  When these beams are fired from the weapon, the point where they cross will cause a small patch of space-time to move in an opposite direction than itself, thus creating a hole of 5th dimensional proportions, causing whatever lies within the Schwarzenegger radius to fall “through” the gap, eliminating it forever!

(The audience bursts into applause, as does Fry, though apprehensively)

(Cut back to Leela and Dennis; Dennis has connected a valve to a large canister and is siphoning the contents of his beaker into it) 

Leela:  OK, so that canister is some sort of super-laughing-gas, but I still don’t get why you’re adding that stuff to it.

Dennis: Sorry, I didn’t explain everything too well, did I?   Though your idea of murdering my entire company to save Earth came to mind, I thought a much more nonviolent plan would be easier on me and my conscience. So, the laughing gas is to incapacitate them while you and Fry steal the ship.  Keys should still be in the ignition.

Leela:  Yeah, but then what is…

Dennis:  It’s a catalyst I just developed that will bind the gas to this fine powder I smuggled out from another lab. (He points to a large drum on a dolly covered in a sheet.  A pipe protrudes from the folds) I feared the gas would disperse too much in the auditorium, but now it will fall straight onto the crowd, where it’s effect will be greater.

Leela:  And you really think this will work?

Dennis:  Well, I haven’t worked out all the possible outcomes…But I figure there’s just as good of a chance of us failing as there is of them failing. You know what they say, even the best laid plans of mice and Mensans gang aft agley… (He connects the canister to the drum of powder and begins wheeling the ensemble away)

(Cut back to the auditorium:  The speaker grips the sheet covering the PE Ship)

Speaker:  And now, our completed brainchild, the antithesis-continuum gun!

(He yanks the sheet off of the form, exposing the PE ship, pipes running from each engine to a mounted apparatus on the top of the ship.  This unit is connected to a cannon on either side of the vessel, both of which face forward)

Fry (without an iota of sarcasm)(gasp) It’s our ship!

(Applause yet again fills the room, and the speaker quiets then)

Speaker:  Now, if the short, informative video we showed earlier has taught you all anything, I think you know what the first test target will be!

Scientist 1:  He means Earth!

Scientist 2:  Earth must be destroyed in the name of science!

Scientist 3:  Little Billy must die!

Speaker:  Correct!  And it shall be done.  Now, unless anyone has any comments or objections, we can all get back to work…

(A brief pause; no one stirs.  Fry timidly rises)

Fry (nervous): Uh… I demand the floor!  I mean… the stage.

(He fumbles his way onto stage)

Speaker:  Yes?

Fry (faux polite/intelligent): Oh, thank you. (He grabs the microphone, and proceeds to read from his hand) Would you kindly take a seat?  There are a few potential scientific inconsistencies I’d like to point out; I believe you’ll be very interested in them.

Speaker (Arrogantly skeptical): Heh, go for it.  (As he climbs off the stage and takes Fry’s seat) This I’d like to see…

Fry (realizing he has no speech planned):  Uh…many scientists of Mensa…

Scientist (cutting in):  Hey, just who are you, anyway?

Fry:  Me?  I’m… I’m… profess- …no… doctor!   Dr. Philip-

Scientist (puzzled)You’re  Dr. Phil?! 

Fry:  Huh? Doctor who?

Scientist 2:  You’re Dr. Who?!

Fry:  Dr. Who?  No!

Scientist 3:  You’re Dr. No?!

Fry:  Who?

Scientist 3:  Not Who, No!

Fry:  Know who?

Scientists:  What?

Fry:  Oh, forget it!  It’s not important.  I’m here because I think this entire plan is a great mistake.  Now, correct me if I’m right, but are not all living things precious in their own precious way?  Now, I’m not one to criticize those smarter than me… but killing someone or some planet just because he, she, or it isn’t as smart as you or your smart planet isn’t the smartest thing to do.  I mean, I know Earth has many faults…

(Cut to Dennis and Leela:  Their makeshift device is hooked to the ventilation system; Leela is affixing the gadget to a main vent, while Dennis works a control panel near the central unit, next to a couple of comatose guards)

Dennis (pleased):  The brilliance behind this is that I can turn on only the vents over the seats, and not the stage.  If Fry’s done his part all should go perfectly.

Leela:  We’re all set.

Dennis:  Diversion away! (He hits a button)

(Cut back to the auditorium: A light powder falls like a trace snow onto the oblivious audience of scientists; a few chuckle as Fry continues rambling) 

Fry:  But Earth isn’t just about people, it has its own echo-system.  With birds, and roaches, and maggots, and fishes, and octopuses- …uh… octopi… and birds…(Several scientists are now laughing) So even if Earthicans are stupid, you can’t just destroy it because you think we’re all doofuses- uh... doofi. (The giggles have spread throughout the hall, becoming louder as they do)  And we’re not all like me, there are plenty of smart people… inventors, teachers, mastermind criminals… we have them all.  Is this getting through to you people?

(Fry looks at the crowd, now in hysterics, and stops.  Leela, futuristic gasmask employed, surges through the auditorium door and into the winterish chemical flurry.  She signals for Fry to head for the ship, while proceeding in that direction herself, stepping over the scientists rolling in the aisles.  The two board the craft which, after a brief pause, takes off straight through the roof, the new weapon acting as a convenient battering ram)
____________________________

This isn’t over yet.  One more part is on the way, and I’ll try to be quick about it… As I incessantly say, and continue to mean, I appreciate all comments and suggestions, positive or negative.  Thanks for reading.
Kloudes

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #333 on: 11-29-2004 18:11 »

This is the dumbest thing I've ever read, you worthless no-talent!  Go soak yourself in some brine and never come back!

You better post that last part soon.  big grin

Tongue Luck

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #334 on: 11-29-2004 22:17 »

Aww, that was short. It didn't feel as funny as previous sections have been, maybe because of the brevity (soul of wit, my ass), but there was still plenty to love.
 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
something in the shape of the PE ship
Inexplicable snicker of the day.
 
Quote
Speaker:  And so, to conveniently recapitulate the specifics for anyone not paying attention before
Chahahahahaha! Awesome. I love when people cop to how impossibly convenient a hunk of exposition is. I feel a little bad for the speaker, though, never getting a name.
 
Quote
Fry (without an iota of sarcasm)(gasp) It’s our ship!
Random tangent... I'd really like to hear a sarcastic gasp. Is it possible? Anybody who can manage one is my new best friend.
 
Quote
Speaker:  Now, if the short, informative video we showed earlier has taught you all anything, I think you know what the first test target will be!
Does this mean the sceintists got a retro propaganda video and we missed it? Unfair! Kill little Billy double for me.
 
Quote
Fry:  Me?  I’m… I’m… profess- …no… doctor!   Dr. Philip-

Scientist (puzzled)You’re  Dr. Phil?! 

Fry:  Huh? Doctor who?

Scientist 2:  You’re Dr. Who?!

Fry:  Dr. Who?  No!

Scientist 3:  You’re Dr. No?!

Fry:  Who?

Scientist 3:  Not Who, No!

Fry:  Know who?
Yes! I can't believe you pulled a Who's on First. How old school. Reminds me of the commentaries, when they talk about bringing back Vaudeville. And they're right--it's funny.
 
Quote
Dennis:  Diversion away! (He hits a button)
Ha! I love "_______ away!" And the button is the icing on the cake.
 
Quote
a trace snow
Huh? I've never heard that phrase before. Not a nitpick, just revealing my ignorance.
Quote
mastermind criminals…
Lots of the funny in Fry's speech, but I think that was my favorite.

Bitchery:
 
Quote
where it’s effect will be greater.
where its effect.
Quote
I mean, I know Earth has many faults…

(Cut to Dennis and Leela
Might not be the best place for a "cut to". It felt like the setup for cutting to a random scene with some funny stuff happening on Earth (which, you know, would mess up the flow of the story and all that. I'm not suggesting you add it in), and then we instead get Dennis and Leela doing stuff. I don't know. It played with my expectations, but not in the funny way.

Already looking forward to the finale!
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #335 on: 11-29-2004 22:18 »

*gasp!*  A Dr. Phil reference! I LOVE YOU!
  love   love   love   love   love
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #336 on: 11-29-2004 23:12 »
« Last Edit on: 11-29-2004 23:12 »

Yay! I loved it. See!   love (Venus thought she got them all, but she was wrong!)

This is just so much fun for me. You always make me laugh. (And by the way, you're officially in charge of writing my technobabble.) Betas are fun.

Fry's speech was absolutely classic. Doofi?! Best pluralization ever! And the set up with Octopi was brilliant. I love that you used him playing scientist as a diversion. It just makes me very happy. And the "we're not all like me" self depreciation. And the giggling scientists. Geez, I'm still laughing. 

The Dr. Phil/Dr. Who/Dr. no thing is the funniest thing I've read in a good long time.

Thanks a million, JBERGES! (Of mice and mensans...BWAhahaha!)

Oh, and to Tongue Luck: Yes, you can gasp sarcastically. You have to smile a little and roll your eyes. You can even bring your hand to your chin in dramatic fashion. Try it, it's fun!

Edit: 'Cause this is JBERGES I'm talking to, and he can spell, so I should too.
SlackJawedMoron

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #337 on: 11-30-2004 00:15 »

Y'know, I agree with Tongue Luck. One thing that would have made this story even greater is a film of Earth demonstrating all the bad things (either made by the Mesans, or some race not entirely sympathetic to humanitty). It could be awesome.

Dr No and Dr Who are so awesome unto themselves that they make up for the Dr Phil reference. 'Who's on First' indeed.

Kill little Billy? Oh, you know how I love a good non-sequiter! (And I know it had nothing to do with it, but I couldn't help but think of a certain Tarontino film when you mentioned that. And then I got some awesome 70's swings music in my head. God is in Heaven, all is right with the world).

And another cheap 'Fry is dumb' joke, of the type I never seem to get tired of.

Pretty good...
Shaucker

Professor
*
« Reply #338 on: 11-30-2004 09:40 »

Finally, you update! (yeah, so you told me on Saturday that you would, but I'm still pleased)

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
You know what they say, even the best laid plans of mice and Mensans gang aft agley-
Puntastic. I love it.

 
Quote
Fry (without an iota of sarcasm)(gasp) It’s our ship!
Hee. Fry so stupid. I can see that so clearly in my head.

 
Quote
Scientist 3:  Little Billy must die!
[seriously] yes, yes he must [/seriously]


 
Quote
Fry:  But Earth isn’t just about people, it has its own echo-system.
Another pun! No one can beat me for finding puns!

Awesome chapter, Jon! And don't think I didn't catch that "who's on first?" run, that was cool.

JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #339 on: 11-30-2004 16:38 »
« Last Edit on: 11-30-2004 16:38 »

Thanks for the helpful/kind words and suggestions, everyone.

 
Quote
Thanks a million, JBERGES!(Of mice and mensans...BWAhahaha!)

I think I've found myself a title for this thing...

Also, adding the actual retro-propaganda movie came to mind, but I think this fic has been running a bit long anyway (I shoot for episode length). Well, that, and I couldn't think of anything good to put in it.  Though if I ever write it, if I had my own DVD, it could go in some sort of deleted scenes feature along with the extra page or so of “who's on first” I originally had…

I’m not sure when the last part of this fic will be out, but I’m sure it’ll be before Christmas, hopefully much sooner.

Since we’re on a first name basis now, Rebecca, it’s “John”, not “Jon”    big grin
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #340 on: 12-11-2004 15:56 »

*bump*

I should be studying for finals, but instead I wrote this.  If it sucks, blame the fact that school has broken my brain.

_________________
Of Mice and Mensans: Part 7

(Fry looks at the crowd, now in hysterics, and stops.  Leela, futuristic gasmask employed, surges through auditorium door and into the winterish chemical flurry.  She signals for Fry to head for the ship, while proceeding in that direction herself, stepping over the scientists rolling in the aisles.  The two board the ship which, after a brief pause, takes off straight through the roof, the new weapon acting as a convenient battering ram)

(Cut to:  The infamous pile of hotel rubble.  Bender has clearly had another streak of phenomenal luck, as he has amassed all of the robots’ money, and then some. In the background, the PE ship lands next to what used to be a wall; Leela bolts out and runs to the heap of debris)

Leela:  Bender- (she notices the gathering) how the hell...  forget it.  C’mon!  We have to get back to Earth!

Robot 1:  Earth?

Robot 2:  How dreadful!

Robot 3:  You mean you’re not the intelli-bot you said you were?

Bender:  Oh, of course I am, I just work there.  However, I really must be off now, but before I leave I do suggest that you masticate upon my reflective metal posterior! (He grabs his spoils and takes off, leaving only his accent behind)   So long, suckers! 

(Leela and Bender board the vessel, which promptly takes flight, leaving the three robots penniless on the amassment of scrap)

(pause)

Robot 1:  What a charming young gentleman!

Robots 2 and 3 (simultaneous):  Indeed!  Quite!

(Cut to: Several hours later:  The PE ship is landing at the PE Building.  Fry, Leela, and Bender exit the ship as the Professor enters the hangar)

Professor (angry):  There you are!  I’ve been waiting forever for you deadbeats to get back!  Don’t think you’re getting any overtime for your lollygagging around-

(He notices the ship’s new modification)

Professor: (giddy):  Ooh-hoo-hoo!  You brought me a souvenir! It’s beautiful!  Thank you! (He hugs Bender, then prances around the ship like a schoolgirl)

(Fry, Leela, and Bender slowly back away, and exit the hangar)

Fry:  Ugh, what a day…

Bender: (chest compartment open, counting his winnings)   I had fun, how about you guys?

Leela: (serious): Not really.  Listen, Fry, about what happened earlier-

(Just then, Amy and Zoidberg boisterously enter the room)

Amy (excited): I can’t believe we got out of that one, John!

Zoidberg:  Well, I owe it all to you; you are always with the quick thinking you are!

Amy (laughing):  Aw, you’re too kind…(she lightheartedly punches his shoulder)

Professor (entering):  Oh, you’re back?  Did you bring back the replacement parts for the Lambaster?

Zoidberg:  We did!

Hermes:  And what’s with this new found happiness?  Earlier today you two were nearly ostracizin’ each-otha!

Amy:  Well, it started off as a normal trip to the store, but then all this random crazy stuff happened!

Zoidberg:  We had to work as a team to get out of the mess, and once we did, how could I stay mad at the girl?

Fry:  Looks like Amy and Zoidberg learned an important lesson about the meaning of friendship and teamwork today.

(Everyone exchanges knowing glances and affirmative grunts)

Leela:  C’mon, let’s all watch TV!

Fry: Yeah!

Everyone: Alright!  Great!

Amy: (checks her watch): Hey!  “All My Circuits” in on in 7 minutes.  Let’s all meet at the couch then!

Everyone: Great! Marvelous! I’ll be there.

(The Professor exits with Zoidberg and Amy, followed by Hermes.  Fry and Bender head towards the TV while Leela decides to follow the rest.  As Leela reaches the doorway, the phone rings.  She turns back, deciding to answer it, and finds it has caught Bender and Fry’s attention as well.  She answers the call)

Leela:  Hello?

Dennis:  Oh good, you’re back!  Made good time I see.  I was just making sure everything went according to plan and you three got in OK. 

Leela:  Yup. No problems.  Uh… Dennis, are you still at your lab?

Dennis:  Yeah, it’s a bit risky but I think I’ve got it all figured out.  I locked the three unconscious guards in a closet, and you are the only one they saw.  The rest didn’t know I was involved, so I can claim I was there during all the commotion.  No one will be able to prove if I was there or not, and they’ll assume you and Fry had no inside help!

Leela:  That does sound pretty risky.

Dennis:  I know.  Well, I’ve been holed up in my lab for the last several hours, and no one’s come by yet.  I think I may be in the clear.

Leela:  That’s good, but what about all that stuff we used?  They can trace it back to you.

Dennis: This stuff?  (He signals the dolly, drum, and canister by him) Nah… it’s all pretty standard lab paraphernalia.  Gas canisters, drums of powder on dollies, all very common in this field… having them here isn’t incriminating, though I should detach them now that you mention it

(Dennis removes the gas canister from the dolly, and goes to put it down.  He double takes) 

Leela:  What is it?

Dennis(flummoxed):  This isn’t what I thought it was at all… this is just… oxygen!

Fry:  Is that a bad thing?

Dennis:  Well… not really, but don’t you see what this means?

Fry:  No…

Dennis:  My coworkers couldn’t have been laughing because of my chemical… they had to be laughing on their own accord…(he thinks) possibly at the sheer erroneousness of your speech!

(Fry gasps, while Bender bursts into laughter)

Fry:  What?!

Bender:  Way to go buddy, you finally found a way to save the day!

(Leela holds back laughter through a clenched jaw)

Fry (despondent) :  No!  No!  It can’t be!  …can it?

(A pause, Dennis looks at them soberly, then a smirks a bit)
 
Dennis (guffawing):  Nah, you’re right.  I’m just kidding! 

(The crew stares at the screen)

Dennis (smiling):  Ha-ha! I had you all going for a minute there!

Fry (confused relief):  You mean… they weren’t laughing at me?

Dennis:  Nope, it was all my, and Leela’s, doing.  I wouldn’t be so absent-minded as to not double-check that I had the right gas to mix with this powder. 

(He lightly kicks the drum of powder, dislodging the sheet from atop it. While Dennis resumes chuckling, the sheet slides to the ground, displaying, in clear letters, the words “Kill Powder (Warning:  Do not inhale or coat doughnuts with))

Dennis: (Still giddy before noticing) Heh-heh … heh… heh… ohhhh…

Leela:  Does that say what I think-

Dennis (solemn): Mmm-hmm

Leela (catching on): And so then…

Dennis (solemn): Mmm-hmm

Fry (wary):  No way, he’s just trying to trick us again… (nervous)… isn’t he?

Dennis (in shock):  No.   No… we just kill-dusted my entire company…

(The crew and Dennis gape at each other, at a loss for words.  Fry finally breaks the silence)

Fry:  Oh…well uh… do you think they’re OK?

Dennis:  No.

Bender (stoic): Well, thems the breaks, eh? (lights cigar)

Leela:  Bender!

Dennis (suddenly aware of his predicament):  I …um… I need to get out of here…  Uh… hey… if I were to order a space taxi now… you wouldn’t mind putting me up for a while would you?

Leela:  Well-

Bender (To Leela):  Hun, this place has been puttin’ up criminals since about 4 years ago, (To Dennis) don’t worry about it, Dennis...  your kind is always welcome here. (He goes back to smoking and counting money)

Dennis (Sad/uneasy):  Um… thanks.

Leela:  We really owe you one Dennis. You saved us; try not to be so hard on yourself. We’d be happy to have you here.

Fry:  And I’m sure the Professor won’t mind seeing you, right?

Dennis (morose):  Well, thanks.  I’m… I’m going to try to abscond before those three guards come out of the closet…

(Fry chuckles immaturely)

Dennis: …see you later.  (He hastily hangs up)

Leela: Wow, poor guy… I hope he makes it here OK.

Fry: Yeah. (stretching his arms serenely) Well… I guess eeeeeeverything turned out-

Leela (clamping Fry’s mouth shut) Don’t even say it!  (She walks away, vexed)

Fry (agitated):  What?  (Bender tosses him a beer. He rubs his jaw and heads for the TV)

THE END
________________

Well, that was fun.  I think my endings get weirder every time… 

To answer the question that’s on everyone’s 3 of your minds, there will be a fifth fanfiction.  When I’ll start it, I don’t know.  It depends on when a good idea strikes.  I was thinking of doing something Anthology of Interest style, with 3 short stories.  We’ll see.

In the meantime, if you took the time to read this, please tell me what you think.  For some reason I feel like I’ve lost readers, and instead of blaming the deplorable gaps between updates, I’m going to blame Layla  tongue

Hope you all liked it, and thanks for reading.  And after four long stories, I think everyone owes Kloudes, my beta, a round of applause.  Thanks for always helping me out (except that one time when Shaucker did it).

 
Kloudes

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #341 on: 12-11-2004 16:03 »

*bows and claps for herself*  I know, I should get all the glory.  It's because I'm just that awesome. (Back off, Shaucker, I'm on to you!)  Seriously, it made me feel special to know what was going on before anyone else did, so... yeah.  My pleasure.

Please ignore the fact that everytime a part is posted, people still find errors.  I'm still awesome.
Layla50

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #342 on: 12-11-2004 19:58 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:

I should be studying for finals, but instead I wrote this.  If it sucks, blame the fact that school has broken my brain.

Pulls out knitting needles and patiently begins knitting his brain back together whilst waiting for another story.

 
Quote
Of Mice and Mensans: Part 7

I helped choose a title! Go me!

 
Quote
However, I really must be off now, but before I leave I do suggest that you masticate upon my reflective metal posterior! (He grabs his spoils and takes off, leaving only his accent behind)   So long, suckers! 

Laughs until amusement induced asthma attack forces her to stop. I loved Bender's part in this story. It really paid off in the end.

 
Quote
Professor: (giddy):  Ooh-hoo-hoo!  You brought me a souvenir! It’s beautiful!  Thank you! (He hugs Bender, then prances around the ship like a schoolgirl)
Pulls out desperately needed inhaler. What's truly scary is that I can picture this.
 
Quote
Amy (excited): I can’t believe we got out of that one, John!

This is funny on three levels. Three!!!
Definately futuramistic writing here.
1)The idea of anyone calling Zoidberg, John. Yes, I know it's his name, but still...
2)The jab at all the fanfic writer out there who have Fry and Leela calling each other Phil and Turanga. Especially Turanga. It's her family name, people!!! (Tries to calm down)
3)Author's name. Probably sheer coincidence. But it made me laugh.


 
Quote
Professor (entering):  Oh, you’re back?  Did you bring back the replacement parts for the Lambaster?
big grin

 
Quote
Fry:  Looks like Amy and Zoidberg learned an important lesson about the meaning of friendship and teamwork today.
Completely pointless, and utterly hilarious. I love it.

The whole kill-dusted thing rocks my socks. The set up is brilliant, absolutely brilliant. I mean, wow, man! You have a gift for comedy, you really, really do.
 
Quote
(Fry gasps, while Bender bursts into laughter)

Fry:  What?!

Bender:  Way to go buddy, you finally found a way to save the day!

(Leela holds back laughter through a clenched jaw)

I love their varying reactions.

 
Quote
“Kill Powder (Warning:  Do not inhale or coat doughnuts with))
Priceless.
 
Quote
Dennis: (Still giddy before noticing) Heh-heh … heh… heh… ohhhh…
Twice priceless
 
Quote
Leela:  Does that say what I think-

Dennis (solemn): Mmm-hmm

Leela (catching on): And so then…

Dennis (solemn): Mmm-hmm
Thrice priceless.

 
Quote
Fry:  Oh…well uh… do you think they’re OK?

Dennis:  No.

Bender (stoic): Well, thems the breaks, eh? (lights cigar)

It should be illegal to make me laugh this much.
 
Quote
Dennis (morose):  Well, thanks.  I’m… I’m going to try to abscond before those three guards come out of the closet…

(Fry chuckles immaturely)
Classic Fry moment. I will treasure it.
 
 
Quote
In the meantime, if you took the time to read this, please tell me what you think.

Not only did I take the time to read this, I took the time to respond, twice! Lousy computer deleting post.
 
Quote
For some reason I feel like I’ve lost readers, and instead of blaming the deplorable gaps between updates, I’m going to blame Layla   tongue

(Innocence) But, but, it's Christmas, and exams! People are very busy! It's not my fault!(/innocence)

My ridiculously circuitous plan is one-quarter complete!

Yay Kloudes, yay JBERGES! Yay Shaucker!Hooray for everything!  smile

Now back to working on my own story.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #343 on: 12-11-2004 23:35 »

If i wasn't already married to you in my imagination after this i'd definately be planning the wedding. I loved pretty much all the stuff Layla mentioned, especially Bender's masticate line, the crews reaction to the kill-powder, and the whole Amy/Zoidberg thing. I'd go into more detail like Layla did, going line by line and stuff but i'd just be repeating most of what she already said.

on a side note: Do i get to be one of the 3? 
Tongue Luck

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #344 on: 12-12-2004 01:01 »
« Last Edit on: 12-12-2004 01:01 »

Yay! I loved this ending! Except for the fact that it was an ending, and now we have to wait 'til the muses show up and smack you around a little. Twenty-four cheers for Kloudes and one cheer for Shaucker!
     
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
masticate upon my reflective metal posterior!
Trahahahaha!
     
Quote
Leela: (serious): Not really. Listen, Fry, about what happened earlier-

(Just then, Amy and Zoidberg boisterously enter the room)

[Hilarity ensues.]
That whole exchange was funkin' priceless! Also, I'm glad that you acknowledged the bickering that I hated and no one else cared about way back when, dangled the resolution in front of our noses, and then brushed it to the side. Seriously, that was perfect.

     
Quote
[kill powder and stuff]
Eeeee!


The sad thing is, this is exactly what happened:
     
Quote
Dennis (morose):  Well, thanks.  I’m… I’m going to try to abscond before those three guards come out of the closet…
(Tongue Luck chuckles immaturely, then reads on)     
Quote
(Fry chuckles immaturely)
Tongue Luck: Oh...


I noticed a couple of instances where you used a colon twice when it should probably only be used once.
     
Quote
Professor: (giddy): Ooh-hoo-hoo!
After Professor and again after (giddy).     
Quote
Leela: (serious): Not really. Listen, Fry
After Leela and again after (serious).     
Quote
Amy: (checks her watch):
After Amy and again after (checks her watch).     
Quote
Leela (clamping Fry’s mouth shut) Don’t even say it! (She walks away, vexed)
Missing colon.
     
Quote
Dennis(flummoxed):
Missing space between Dennis and (flummoxed). And so on. If you have the patience, I reccommend you take a second look at the "Character (action or internal): Speech," situations and check for inconsistencies. Beyond that, though, I couldn't find any errors. Kudos.

Edit: Oh, wait, I could.     
Quote
“Kill Powder (Warning: Do not inhale or coat doughnuts with))
Missing end quotation mark.

     
Quote
Originally posted by Layla50:
Not only did I take the time to read this, I took the time to respond, twice! Lousy computer deleting post.
Whoa, me too! Only my computer booted me off the internet, froze up, and needed to be turned off and glared at for five minutes. Let's start a support group.
Nerd-o-rama

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #345 on: 12-12-2004 23:27 »

Hmm...I'll keep this short.

You win at comedy.
Kloudes

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #346 on: 12-13-2004 08:30 »

And yet you love Layla more... *shakes head sadly*  Don't worry, John, baby, I'll nominate you for a PEELie...
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #347 on: 12-13-2004 10:24 »
« Last Edit on: 12-13-2004 10:24 »

Well, Layla like... updates and stuff... that puts her leagues ahead of me at the starting line.  Though, I have been around longer, isn't that right everyone who's been following this thread since the begining? Venus and SJM. 

Anyway:

Layla:  Wow.  That was thorough.  We got that thing going that EvilLunch and I used to call "mutual ego boosting,” And there is nothing wrong with that.  Let's not let the PEELies tear us apart, we're probably both going to lose anyway  big grin
*sniff* I miss EL...

Venus:  Ah, of course you're one of the 3. You're still here after being the second person to respond to my first post, as I just noticed.  And though the wedding probably won’t happen for real, get yourself to PEELathon and I'll give you a big hug... or if you're one of those anti-contact people, a firm handshake.

TL:  I apparently make a lot of colon errors (bad pun open for everyone).  As you can see, I sprinkled quite a bit of your inspiration in there, so I'm very glad you liked it.  Let's never fight again...

Nerd-o:  Rock on.

Kloudes:  Clearly, you are not to blame for the missing quotation mark TL was talking about, I added that warning label after your final check.
SlackJawedMoron

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #348 on: 12-14-2004 07:45 »
« Last Edit on: 12-14-2004 07:45 »

Not much to add, but assume that I laughed at all the stuff Layla highlighted, the prancing Prof in particular. Also, good to see you've continued the show's tradition of making the morbid funny. Top stuff.

Oh, and I think I have a correction for you!

   
Quote
Bender (To Leela): Hun, this place has been puttin’ up criminals since about 4 years ago,

Now, you've written 'Hun,' while I've got the sneaking suspicion that you meant 'Hon,' as in, short for 'Honey.' 'Hun,' of course, has some amusing conetations of it's own.
M0le

Space Pope
****
« Reply #349 on: 12-14-2004 07:51 »

Nice stuff JBERGES, any ideas for your next one?
No, I do not have anything to add.
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #350 on: 01-18-2005 21:12 »
« Last Edit on: 01-18-2005 21:12 »

*semi-needless bump*

Ok, a few things:

One, this last story is up on TLZ.  Read it again; it’ll be like the first time, except you’ll be able to predict what happens, and then you’ll feel clever.

Two:  I’ve started writing again.  I’ve decided to go with an AOI style thingy, like I mentioned before.  I’ve come up with one good segment idea that I know I’ll use, but now here’s the question: What would you, the audience (that's right, all 6 of you  tongue), like to see?  Takin’ all suggestions!

Three:  Here’s a song I just wrote for the Futurama game, so I’m not here empty handed.  It’s one of my favorites:

Song 9: Past the Chaos
AsaB

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #351 on: 01-19-2005 16:40 »

I read your story yesterday on TLZ (must've missed it being here on PEEL as well...somehow). And since I can't add to any of these extra-thorough replies, I'll just so that I like it loads, both laughed and cried (although for the same reason, the humour is simply spot on).

Listening to your new song...wondrous.
Tongue Luck

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #352 on: 01-19-2005 21:41 »

Kay, it's been reread and 10-ed. Good to see you got the elipses thing fixed. The music is divine as always. *rocks out* Dootdoot! Dootdoot! Dootdoot! Piano piano piano piano, dootdoot! Dootdoot! Dootdoot! Awesome.

Ideas? Uh... They should all... wear big floppy sombreros... and have a hip hop dance off. Yeah, I'm running on empty.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #353 on: 01-19-2005 22:35 »

ooooooohh preeeety. *melts*

hmmmm what ifs.....What if bender discoverd that Leela's eye wasn't her only mutation and that she also had ultra sensitive hearing and he starts threatening her with a dog whistle to make her be his slave.

Yeah i'm running on empty as well.
Lrrrr

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #354 on: 01-19-2005 22:51 »
« Last Edit on: 01-19-2005 22:51 »

How about one segment where Bender wants to know what if Nibbler was killed on Vergon 6. Meaning that they didn't rescue the ANY of the animals on that planet.

As for the songs, they are GREAT! Keep up the good work!
M0le

Space Pope
****
« Reply #355 on: 01-19-2005 23:32 »

What if Farnsworth accidently invented a machine that destroys celebrities?
SlackJawedMoron

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #356 on: 01-20-2005 00:57 »
« Last Edit on: 01-20-2005 00:57 »

What if...

Leela, Bender and Fry hadn't met in the future?
(possibly do a scenario for each of them. Have them all die in hilarious ways.)

Bender lost all confidence? (Yes, I nicked this from Red Dwarf. Sue me.)

The Professor turned Planet Express into a brothel? Come on, you know it works! ...maybe not.

Leela met her ideal man? (Great oppurtunity for comic exaggeration here... oh! Make him a matador!)

Zoidberg was never born? (It's like It's a wonderful life... except there's no difference between each world. Maybe everyone is slightly happier. This might work as a 20 second aborted section... Twist the knife! Twist the knife!)

What if PE formed a punk/metal/jazz/lounge/30-piece orchestra/ band? Ideally, this would occur in a Spinal Tap style mockumentory.
This idea is awesome. Dooooo iiiiiit.

Zoidberg asks: What if Amy was an Octopus? (Heh. Ultra.Porn)

That's it for now... if I come up with any better ideas, I'll put them in...
PJ

Crustacean
*
« Reply #357 on: 01-20-2005 03:47 »
« Last Edit on: 01-20-2005 03:47 »

music sounds pretty cool.
as for story ideas i wouldn't have a clue on how to come up with one. But your other storie your great so am sure you have no trouble with this one
Kifchik
Bending Unit
***
« Reply #358 on: 01-20-2005 10:31 »

Waaaah, a lovable would-be episode.
hobojobo

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #359 on: 01-20-2005 21:49 »
« Last Edit on: 01-20-2005 21:49 »

Damn, I can't wait to read the first part! As for suggestions, Someone should ask what would happen if Zoidberg were rich.

Also, I really like the music you have made. Sorry if this has been asked before, but what program are you making them in (or are they actual recordings)? I think my favorite is "Song 7".
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