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Author Topic: Guy you've never heard of writes something mediocre!  (Read 28874 times)
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JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« on: 05-03-2004 19:18 »
« Last Edit on: 05-03-2004 19:18 »

So what is a college student to do with insomnia on a school night?  Study?  Homework?  Hell No.  He attempts to start his first ever fanfic without a plot idea in his mind.  After a bit of editing, I'm ready to present the first part, leaving it to you PEELers to tell me if I'm going in the right direction.

----------------------------------
Perfumed By an Unseen Censor*

(Opening Credits and Music:  Caption:  Futurama:  We put the “Fat Ram” back in “Futurama.”)

(Shot of Fry, Bender, and Leela on the couch watching TV, the Scary Door is on)

Announcer:  You are about to enter a realm of which you’ve probably never seen anything much like.  Without warning, you’re bound and gagged and put in a shopping cart wearing nothing but a negligee barreling down the steep hill that is the human mind.  Perhaps someone important to you dies, or maybe someone dead comes back to life. Maybe both.  You’ve reached… The Scary Door.

(Scene opens on a shocked scientist in a lab bawling to his comrades, book in hand)

Announcer:  Register, record, and catalog one young scientist, James Binner, who has just made a shocking discovery…

James:  I’ve finally translated the text!  “To Serve Man”…it’s…it’s a cook book!

Scientist:  Worse yet, that book is possessed!

(Book starts gnawing on James’s arm)

James:  AHHHHHHHH!

Scientist 2:  Why should you feel pain, James? You’re dead! (Points to graveyard outside, Tombstone reads: “James Binner 2965 - yesterday”)

James:  AHHHHHHHH!  Mommy, help me! (Turns to face his Mom, who is suddenly in the lab, facing away from him)

Old Woman:  I’m not your mother… (Turns to face him)  I’m you, James!!  (She has the same face as him)  *Maniacal Laughter*

James:  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


*Click*


Calculon:  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…[/i]

Bender:  Damn, that was close.  Almost missed the exciting conclusion of “All my Circuits”

Fry:  You just don’t see much quality acting like this anymore.

Calculon: ...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…

(Professor Farnsworth enters, looks confused for a second)

Farnsworth:  Uh…no news everyone… (Starts to leave)

Hermes (Off Camera):  Theys always news and you know it ya old bat, now call a meetin’ so we can hear about it!

Farnsworth:  Well… you heard whoever that was; off we go to the meeting room!

Fry/Leela/Bender:  Next commercial.

Calculon: ..ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo o…

(Planet Express meeting room.  The usual gang is assembled)

Bender:  Alright, this better be important.  We’re missing some superior television!

(Brief silence; in the distance a very faint “…oooooooooooo…” can still be heard)

Farnsworth:  Oh, but it is!  I just had to show you all my latest gizmo!

Leela:  So, you finally invented something new?

Farnsworth:  Oh my yes!  That is, if by “invented” you mean “purchased”, and by “new” you meant, “not new at all” (He produces a small decrepit looking computer)

Zoidberg: So… what does it do, already?

Farnsworth: Well, its origin dates all the way back to 2750 (picture gets rippled, a la flashback) Back then…

Leela:  Amy!

(Cut to see Amy blow-drying her hair with the Arid-izer 620, shooting hot air across the room)

Amy:  Sorry. (Turns appliance off, the picture returns to normal)

Farnsworth:  Anyways, it was the time of television’s great revival, because reality shows were on their last legs.  Before giving in to the responsibility of writing their own shows, networks decided to start showing their reality footage completely live, with no editing whatsoever.  While this did temporarily boost ratings, it soon became apparent that too much censorable material was getting through to an impressionable audience.  Rather than resorting to countless bleeps or subpar dubbing every time someone stating cursing,
network executives and scientists joined forces to create… the dicto-swap.  The dicto-swap can be programmed to cause any specific word said to sound like another word when heard by others within earshot.  (He presses a button on the console and a hologram appears in the center of the table)

(In the hologram we see a clip of an old reality show) 

Woman one:  Shut up, meanie!  You slept with my man, you dirty strumpet.   I’ll kick your bum!

Woman two:  Forget you!  He deserves better than some loser like you.  You take one more look at him and I’ll kick your forgetting bum!

Fry:  Wooh! Awesome!  Kick her bum! (Makes cat-fighting noises)

Leela: (sigh)

(The clip ends)

Farnsworth:  The dicto-swap successfully changed the fowl language to something easier on the listeners' ears. Obviously, it wasn’t perfect, and usually the lips didn’t quite match the sound.  However, most people were stupid and didn’t really care.  Since there’s no change in the voice intonations or pitch, the device was considered a success, and reality TV lasted another several seasons.

Bender:  Oh, well, that was mind-numbingly fascinating!  Here I am listening to this skin tube… (Looks at professor)…skin-sack… (Another take)… skin-amassment talk about TV, when I could be watching actual TV!  I’m outta here, bite my shiny metal honesty! (Gasp!)

(Cut to Amy, who has already figured out how to work the dicto-swap)

Bender:  A… S… S… Honesty.  What the hell?  Amy, turn that damn thing off!  I’m slightly less of an adorable rascal without my catchphrases!
-----------------------------------
*Line 79 of Poe's "The Raven", slightly edited


So, what happens next? I have no freaking clue.  I had no foresight whatsoever while writing this. The logical way to go from here is to have some sort of dicto-swap malfunction, mixing up what everyone says and causing confusion. Perhaps an experiment with the device gone wrong causes widespread vocabular damage, crippling DOOP's latest peace talks with their enemies.  Maybe Bender will have to learn to get along without being able to curse, or maybe something shippy will happen, like Leela finally wanting to say she loves Fry and not being able to. Meh, I'll figure something out. Any suggestions and criticisms are welcome and appreciated.
I hope I have the motivation to actually finish this...

Edit:  Spelling
------------------
bender+fry

Professor
*
« Reply #1 on: 05-03-2004 19:30 »

sounds pretty good.i like the bender lines. keep it up.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #2 on: 05-03-2004 19:43 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
Without warning, you’re bound and gagged and put in a shopping cart wearing nothing but a negligee barreling down the steep hill that is the human mind.

  That's the best thing i've ever read!
Dr. Morberg

Professor
*
« Reply #3 on: 05-03-2004 20:56 »

I agree with Venus.

I would go the way of having the machine malfunction and everything the DOOP says gets messed up, causing a large-scale space war.
Levitate_Me

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #4 on: 05-03-2004 21:16 »


Wow, this is actually really good. You really should follow it up
Kloudes

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #5 on: 05-03-2004 21:28 »

Smashing, really. I expect to see some more very soon.
Iron Chef
Bending Unit
***
« Reply #6 on: 05-04-2004 06:44 »

That is a very encouraging opening. I may not have heard of you but your story is far from mediocre. I look forward to seeing the rest of the script.
tom123

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #7 on: 05-04-2004 08:09 »

I always like the Scary Door type things. I don't know why. They always make me laugh.
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #8 on: 05-04-2004 15:44 »

Thanks for the encouragement everyone.  I guess I shall continue this story.  I’ll post the next section...well... whenever I have enough to warrant posting.  Anyone else?  Criticism? Comments?  Suggestions?   
Sal

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #9 on: 05-04-2004 16:00 »

id like more!!! Im really sick of people posting great scripts and neva finishing them, SICK OF IT!!! Good Script!
Alliteration

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #10 on: 05-04-2004 16:15 »

I like this! Especially the Calculon and Scary door bits.

Keep it up!
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #11 on: 05-04-2004 16:35 »

one small nitpick. The dicto-swap prevented Bender from saying Ass, but it allowed him to say damn.
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #12 on: 05-04-2004 16:49 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Venus:
one small nitpick. The dicto-swap prevented Bender from saying Ass, but it allowed him to say damn.

Well, the way I first thought of it was that the device can be programmed for any word or words to sound like any other word.  In the case of the TV shows, curses were programmed to sound like watered down synonyms to the camera (ass -> bum).  However, the capabilities are not merely limited to this.  Amy happened to program “ass” to be replaced by “honesty”, and she could have just as easily programmed “damn” to become “pudding” or “cat” to become dog”.  Looking back, I probably didn’t explain this too well in the fic.
Y_L_B

Professor
*
« Reply #13 on: 05-04-2004 21:31 »

This is awesome! I printed it out and I'm going to show it to my friends tommorrow.  <IMG SRC="http://peel.gotfuturama.com/ubb/biggrin.gif">

What really got me wanting to read more at the beginning was definately The Scary Door rip.  <IMG SRC="http://peel.gotfuturama.com/ubb/smiley_laff.gif">

Keep it up! I hope to read more soon!  <IMG SRC="http://peel.gotfuturama.com/ubb/smile.gif">
Seymour Ass´es
Crustacean
*
« Reply #14 on: 05-05-2004 11:50 »

Wow, what an impressionable young lad you are Y_L_B

Anyhoo, it's the best Futurama script i've read (and the first) and i agree with the others, FINISH IT!
Y_L_B

Professor
*
« Reply #15 on: 05-05-2004 15:48 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Seymour Ass'es:
Wow, what an impressionable young lad you are Y_L_B

That's the second time this week somebody thought I was a boy.

<<<

It's okay, though. Just pointing it out.  <IMG SRC="http://peel.gotfuturama.com/ubb/biggrin.gif">
Guineapig Trick

Professor
*
« Reply #16 on: 05-05-2004 17:23 »

much better than mediocre, i wish i could write that well
EvilLunch

Professor
*
« Reply #17 on: 05-06-2004 17:35 »

Very nicely written. I really have no idea where the story can go from there, but a very promising introduction. I like the visual gags[can practically see 'em!].
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #18 on: 05-06-2004 17:50 »
« Last Edit on: 05-06-2004 17:50 »

Ok, I finished the next scene, so I figured I might as well post it.  I've given the plot a bit more direction.  Also, I have a general idea of what's going to happen next, and after that, but not after that.  Anyways, comments, positive or negative, and suggestions are still greatly appreciated.  Y_L_B, don't leave me in the dark, what did your friends think?


Part 2:

Bender:  A… S… S… Honesty.  What the hell?  Amy, turn that damn thing off!  I’m slightly less of an adorable rascal without my catchphrases!

Amy:  Nah, I kinda like it this way, good change of pace. (Gives device to Professor)

Bender:  Oh! Oh!  I just had the best idea!  Professor, can Fry and I borrow the dicto-swap?  I promise we won’t use it for personal gain or amusement!  (He says this while snatching it)  Fry, this is gonna be better than when I took you to that robot brothel yesterday!

Fry:  That wasn’t fun.  That wasn’t fun at all!  I even told you, “Bender, that place was horrific!”

Bender: (Thinking back) Whore-riffic indeed…

Leela:   All disturbing mental images aside, you two have got to be crazy if you think I’m just going to sit here on my honesty while…  (Looks at Bender, the device is still on.  He turns it off)…on my ass… and let you wreck all sorts of literary havoc.

Hermes:  And besides, the three of yous have a delivery today, rememba?  You’ll be delivering Zap Brannigan’s new ultra-velour uniform to the Nimbus.  Zap wants ta look sharp for some secret meeting he has tonight.

Leela:  Hermes!  You never mentioned this before! How could you allow this happen when you know the trouble he’s caused me?

Hermes:  Well, he offered double the pay if you were the one delivering it.  You’d be mad ta think I’d pass that up!

Fry (Triumphantly):  Wait, I have an idea!

Bender: And only 3 weeks after the last one, Zoidberg, pay up!

Zoidberg (Dejected):  Oohhhhh!  This is the price I pay for trying to be a thrifty gambler… (Hands Bender 5 dollars, and runs away sobbing)

Fry:  I think there’s a way we can make the delivery, me and Bender can have some fun, and Leela can get in on it too!

Leela:  I wasn’t stopping you from going out because I wasn’t invited, I wanted to prevent chaos.

Professor:  Preventing chaos?  Pure lunacy!  Now, as for amplifying chaos… (retreats to his lab)

Bender:  C’mon, Leela.  You know you want a little revenge, Bender style!

Fry:  Bender style? But my plan doesn’t involve looting or the word “pimp”...

Bender:  Damn…

Leela: (malicious side getting the best of her) Well…

(Cut to Zap and Kif in the control room of the Nimbus)

Zap: …and that’s why I find underpants too constricting.

Kif:  (sigh) Fascinating, sir.

Zap:  Now, on to far more sexual matters.  As you know, I’ve arranged that the lovely lady Leela deliver my new uniform.  After I try it on she’ll undoubtedly be overwhelmed by my manly guise, and I’ll be all over her like a fat man on an incredibly buxom sandwich.

Kif:  Of course sir, but might I ask what this has to do with me?

Zap:  Simple.  I’ll need someone to entertain the non-womanly members of Leela’s crew while we’re… (Extremely deliberate wink) …having sex.

Kif.  Sir, usually one only winks when relating ideas through innuendo…

Zap:  Whatever.  My point, before you so rudely interrupted me, was that you’ll be entertaining the other guests.  You can wear this! (Produces a clown costume)

Kif:(Hands over face) Oh…

(Cut to the flight deck of the Planet Express Ship.  Leela is piloting and Fry is programming the dicto-swap)

Fry:  Ok, I think I’ve got this thing all figured out…We just program one of Zap’s predictable sayings into the dicto-swap, and then tell it to change some words into words that give you a chance to get your revenge.

Leela:  Wow Fry, I’m actually impressed by your current lack of idiocy.  Usually your ideas are interesting just for the novelty of their existence.

Fry:  If you like this plan, wait ‘til you hear my next one!  We just need a box of Rogaine, the heads of various animals…

Leela:  You can just stop there Fry; I won’t be a part of another haired-brain scheme.


(Camera cuts to list Fry has been copying off of. We see: )
       __________________________
    1. Brannigan = Dumbass 
    2. Sexual = Friendly           
    3. Lovely = Ugly             
    4. Lady =Bitch                 
    5. Sorry = Kick Me         
    6. Face = Gonads
    7.   
__________________________     
   
 
                                         
Leela:  What are the odds of this working anyway?  We can’t be positive about what he’s going to say to me.

Bender:  Exactly two in thirteen.  (Fry and Leela stare at him)  What? I deal will odds a lot.  Now, if you need me I’ll be over there, not giving a damn, until something interesting happens (lights a cigar and leaves).

Leela:  Well, if anything, this should definitely confuse Zap (Pockets the dicto-swap)
------------------------------------------

Wooh!  Isn't this exciting?  Part 3 coming sometime in the future...

EDIT: Spelling, of course
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #19 on: 05-06-2004 18:24 »

Weeeeee! It's the best time i've had all day!
maddoc3d

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #20 on: 05-06-2004 18:32 »

I'm not big into fanfics and stuff.. but that was freakin cool. nice work.

.. I didn't ask you for a completely reasonable excuse, I asked you to get busy..
Dr. Morberg

Professor
*
« Reply #21 on: 05-06-2004 18:50 »

That was great, you have all the characters perfectly.
EvilLunch

Professor
*
« Reply #22 on: 05-06-2004 19:19 »

You put Kif in your fanfic and I love you. And ya even followed the underpants rule, scurvy lad! I admire the work and I want to see how the story continues ^^
Guineapig Trick

Professor
*
« Reply #23 on: 05-06-2004 19:51 »

Thats sweet man, i cannot wait till the next one but i have one qustion: where'd you get the name dicto-swap (im just an idiot)
Y_L_B

Professor
*
« Reply #24 on: 05-06-2004 20:33 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
 Y_L_B, don't leave me in the dark, what did your friends think?

They loved it! They thought it was great and very funny.

I'll show them part two aswell.  <IMG SRC="http://peel.gotfuturama.com/ubb/biggrin.gif">
EvilLunch

Professor
*
« Reply #25 on: 05-06-2004 21:07 »
« Last Edit on: 05-06-2004 21:07 »

Well, I should think 'dicto'- 'word/phrase', 'swap' - 'exchange'.. Self explanatory, right..?
Guineapig Trick

Professor
*
« Reply #26 on: 05-06-2004 22:33 »

yeah, i guess so, but remember that im a complete utter idiot
SlackJawedMoron

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #27 on: 05-06-2004 22:43 »

 
Quote
Zap: Now, on to far more sexual matters.

My God... I can so see him saying that...

You've nailed it! Woooooo!
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #28 on: 05-07-2004 00:06 »
« Last Edit on: 05-07-2004 00:06 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by SlackJawedMoron:
My God... I can so see him saying that...
 You've nailed it! Woooooo!
 
Quote
Originally posted by Dr. Morberg:
That was great, you have all the characters perfectly.
These comments mean a lot, as sticking to character is definitely the hardest part of writing this stuff.

EvilLunch:  Thanks for the compliment, and spot on with the word origin explanation.  That’s exactly how I came up with it.

Guineapig Trick:  I’m sure you’re not an idiot… thanks for reading.

maddoc3d:  Once again, thanks.  I’ll also take this opportunity to say that I love your sculpting.  If I wasn’t so poor I’d buy a Leela.

Y_L_B:  An army of fans!  An army I say! *evil laughter* Thanks for the feedback, you “impressionable young” lady

Venus:  I’m going to assume that wasn’t sarcasm and you did enjoy it, say "glad you liked it," and go along on my merry way. (whistles idly)

I did not expect this good of a response.  I’ll try to get part three out as soon as possible.  However, next week is finals week *nervous shudder*  Everyone else, if you've read this far I still appreciate any comments, critiques, and suggestions you have.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #29 on: 05-07-2004 13:04 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
  Venus:  I’m going to assume that wasn’t sarcasm and you did enjoy it, say "glad you liked it," and go along on my merry way. (whistles idly)

You would be assuming correctly. Much love is being sent in your general direction. 
Sal

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #30 on: 05-07-2004 13:22 »

i like it, and need MORE!
Kryten

Space Pope
****
« Reply #31 on: 05-09-2004 00:03 »

That wasn't mediocre! That wasn't mediocre at all! Curse you for your lies, you bastard!
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #32 on: 05-10-2004 00:54 »
« Last Edit on: 05-10-2004 00:54 »

Well, this just shows how little a life I have.  I managed to get this part done before the barrage of studying this week.  Kryten, I apologize for deceiving you…my next work, if there is one, will be presented without disclaimer.

-----------------------------
Part 3:


(3-D cut scene of the Planet Express ship docking with the Nimbus)

(Fry, Leela, and Bender enter and are greeted by Kif, who is wearing the clown costume and looking miserable)

Kif (melancholy) : Welcome, everyone… Captain Leela, Zap wants to sign for the package in his… (long sigh)… “Package Room.” (Points down the hall)

(The crew looks disgusted)

Kif:  He also wishes that you make the delivery alone.  I’ll stay here with the others…

Leela:  OK guys, wait here.  I won’t be long… (Devilish grin as she exits)

Kif:  Well… now… I suppose… you won’t… force me to…

(Fry and Bender are staring him expectantly)

Kif(muttering): Damn that lummox… (Starts dancing and waving his arms about)

Fry:  Woohoo!  Yeah!

(Bender hits a button on himself and circus music starts playing.  Fry claps to the beat as Bender contentedly drinks a beer)

(Cut to Leela entering Zap’s chamber.  She flips a switch on a device that can be seen protruding out of her back pocket)

Leela (all business):  Just sign here Zap…  (Puts the package down)

Zap:  Well, well, well… if it isn’t the ugly bitch Leela… (He pauses, looks confused)

Leela (playing along):  What did you just call me?!

Zap (nonplussed):  I…I don’t know…I’m kick me, but

Leela (cutting him off):  You’re what?

Zap (meekly): …Kick me?

(Leela enters her fighting stance, starts a kick)

Zap: (Shielding his face) Please, not in the gonads!

Leela: (A beat) OK. (Resumes kick)  Heeee-Ya!

(Leela spin-kicks Zap in the face sending him reeling.  Unbeknownst to her, the dicto-swap slips out of her back pocket and slides across the floor.  At the same time, Zap lands hard, and the rip of a girdle is heard, leaving him dazed with his stomach visible.)

Leela:  Now sign this, and don’t ever say something like that to me again.  (Coyly) And to think, I was going to give you another chance…

(Zap woozily signs the form, and Leela storms out without noticing what she has dropped)

(Back on the Planet Express Ship)

Leela (Giddy):  I can’t believe how perfectly it all worked; Zap couldn’t have been more predictable!  If only had started with something about Brannigan’s law, or tried to talk about something sexual…the fun was really over before it even started. (chuckles to herself)  Oh, you should have been there…

Fry: (In a party hat with a balloon animal) Nah, we were good.

(Shot of Planet Express ship landing back home in the evening.  Evening changes to night, which changes to morning)

(Fry Leela and Bender are back on the couch, watching the news.  Leela has a coffee, Bender has a beer, and Fry is eating straight from a box of Post™ Nasal Drip cereal)

Linda:  And in sadder news, The Angorians from the planet Angor are about to declare war on Earth, after a disastrous meeting with DOOP captain Zap Brannigan. According to Angorian sources, Captain Brannigan made several “fawks passes” and has disgraced the honor of Angor for generations to come, Morbo?

Morbo: MORBO INSISTS IT’S PRONOUNCED “FAUX PAS”!   HERE’S THE CLIP!!

Leela: (suddenly realizes something’s amiss, spit take)  My God, I left the dicto-swap in…

Fry / Bender:  Quiet!

(Screen shows still pictures of Zap and the Angorian leader, a long-haired catlike creature, while audio plays)

Zap:  Ah, your Excellency, it is an honor to finally meet you, gonads to gonads.

Angorian Leader (appalled and angered):  What are you implying?

Zap:  Uh…nothing friendly, I assure you!

Angorian Leader:  Not… friendly…?  I once thought there could be eternal peace between our civilizations, but you bring that into question…

Zap (broken):  Wait!  I apologize.  Things have not gone well for Zap Dumbass today (confused pause) I’ve lost the irresistible charisma that has made me the brave and influential leader I am today.  I have insulted you and your ugly civilization, and for that I’m kick me…

Angorian Leader (enraged):  Stop this nonsense!  You have insulted us enough!  This means war on you and your home planet!  We will attack in two days and …

(Leela turns off the TV)

Leela:  He must have picked up the dicto-swap after I dropped it, and had it with him at that meeting!  But…but when did I lose it? (Angered) Ohh…the centripetal force from my spin-kick must have forced the device out of my back pocket…

Bender:  So, by that, you mean you didn’t just forget about it while quenching your blood lust? Because that’s fine too.

(Leela gives Bender a dirty look)

Fry:  Calm down Leela, I’m sure things will be OK.  Are you sure that’s what happened?  Zap’s not really the greatest public speaker.  Remember when he tried to defend himself in court?  Hell, I’m even better than him.

Bender: (abundant sarcasm) Heh, yeah… right.

Fry:  You quiet be!

Leela (distraught):  Fry, remember our list? It’s obvious this is our fault!

(Fry pulls the now crumpled list out of his pants pocket, once again, we see: )

    ____________________
    1. Brannigan = Dumbass 
    2. Sexual = Friendly           
    3. Lovely = Ugly             
    4. Lady =Bitch                 
    5. Sorry = Kick Me         
    6.  Face = Gonads     
    7. 
   

Leela:  That entire conversation makes sense now… what are we going to do?  Earth may be doomed!

          (Dramatic music)

 …and, on an unrelated side note, you own more than one pair of pants for a reason, Fry.

Fry:  I lose less stuff this way.

-----------------------------------

Well, now the story’s finally getting somewhere, so I’m glad about that.  As for the quality, I’m not such a good judge of my own work.  That is why I implore you to comment, critique, and give suggestions if you can.  Part four coming eventually…

EDIT:  Always with the spelling...     
Y_L_B

Professor
*
« Reply #33 on: 05-10-2004 01:17 »
« Last Edit on: 05-10-2004 01:17 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
Y_L_B:  An army of fans!  An army I say! *evil laughter* Thanks for the feedback, you "impressionable young" lady

Whoo!

My Friends and I really liked Part Two, aswell.  So hooray for JBERGES, the non-mediocre guy!

Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #34 on: 05-10-2004 01:28 »

Woooooo! This story keeps getting better and better. The only thing that would make me happier right now is if Rupert wins the million on Survivor next Thursday!
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #35 on: 05-12-2004 14:56 »
« Last Edit on: 05-12-2004 14:56 »

Studying is for losers.  This is way more fun.  Seems that I lost some of my readers on the last part, but that's OK.  Maybe people are reading and just not commenting.  So, if you are reading, please comment...please? (Tries to look endearing)     wink

-----------------------------
Part 4:

Fry:  I lose less stuff this way.

Bender:  Hey, why’d you turn off the TV anyway?  (Turns the TV back on)

Leela:  Because I needed your full attention for once.

Bender: … (Long pause as he stares at the TV) …  Huh?  Yeah, why not.

Leela: (turning to Fry) Well, you’re the one with all the plans now, right? What do you think we should do?

Fry:  Uhh…

Bender (Excited): Hey, everyone look at Bender!

(Fry and Leela oblige)

 Bender (Deadpan):   OK, now look at the TV.  You might find this interesting.

(The TV screen shows Zapp Brannigan at his post on the Nimbus, about to speak)

Leela:  Oh God, what are we going to make him say this time?

Zapp:  People of Earth, Zapp Brannigan is a man you do not want to mess around with …unless it’s in a sexual way…  (Winks at camera)

Fry:  Well, he’s back to his old self again…

Zapp (Dramatic):  But yesterday, I was just a mere puppet.  Someone was out to ruin my credibility, and managed to force Earth into war at the same time.  I now know who this criminal is. That is why, I, Zapp Brannigan, have demanded the capture and imprisonment of the person who is to blame for all of this…

(Leela, Fry, and Bender lean in anxiously)

Zapp:  Lieutenant Kif Kroker!

(Leela’s jaw falls agape, Fry’s jaw falls agape, the lower half of Bender’s face jettisons from his head and rattles around on the floor.  He sheepishly picks it up again.)

Zapp:  My former comrade Kif, ever-jealous of my higher rank and success with women, used some sort of freaky alien mind control ability, and ruined my chance to score with a woman!  Oh, then he used it to ruin my meeting with the cat people.  As you can see, now that Kif has been locked away in the Nimbus’s brig, I’ve regained control, and since the cat people don't believe me, I will lead the Earth in a valiant effort to destroy the supremely technologically advanced enemy.  It will be a sure victory!  (Gives the thumbs up)

Leela:  I can’t believe this…

Fry:  Poor Kif…  We have to help him!  Oh, and Earth if possible.

Leela:  If Zapp doesn’t know about the dicto-swap… where is it right now? (She gets an idea) His ultra-velour suit!  The meeting with the Angorians was the special meeting Hermes was talking about… He wouldn’t have noticed it yet because Kif always handles his laundry, and, unlike other people I know, he wouldn’t dare wear the same suit two days in a row.

Fry:  Great thinking, Leela!  Now…uh…how does that help?

(Cut to Amy, Hermes, Leela, Fry, and Bender at the conference table)

Leela:  Ok, so here’s the plan.  Amy, your job is pretty straightforward.  Just beg Zapp to let you see Kif in his cell.  Knowing Zapp, he won’t trust you, but I’m guessing he’ll let you see Kif while keeping close watch; if anything just to hit on you.  While you have Zapp occupied, Fry, Bender and I will sneak through the Nimbus’s ventilation system, arriving here at Zapp’s room. (She points to a convenient blueprint)  Bender and I will lower Fry down, and he’ll find Zapp’s suit and get the dicto-swap. Hermes?

Hermes:  Right.  As any well educated bureaucrat knows, under Angorian law, no act of war can be made without an official declaration.  Dat little outburst last night wasn’t official, so I’m guessin’ they’re going to broadcast the official one tonight.  Under article BS12 of dis war law, it states that unless the current leader says the words “We officially declare war on” in the enemy’s native language, war cannot be initiated.

Leela:  So, we’ll have to be at that declaration.  We can prevent the war using the same thing that started this all!

Bender:  You’re going to have sex with Zapp again?

(Leela stares him down)

Amy:  Hermes, c’mon.  Do you really think they won’t attack because of one little loop-hole?

Hermes (jovial):  Oh, I do!  They’re very strict and ritualistic about dis stuff.  Ahh…ta be Angorian…

Fry:  Oh man…this is gonna be awesome!  Just like Mission Impossible!  I’m gonna be all (Tries in vain to look covert)

Leela:  Further proof you can’t pantomime everything you’re going to do.

Fry:  Yeah, well I’m going to prove you wrong, just as soon as I find a way to act out proving you wrong…

Amy:  Uh…guys?  Earth?  Save?  By tonight?

Leela:  Right, let’s go!

(Amy, Bender, Fry, and Leela bolt out of the room, leaving Hermes quietly reading over some paperwork, Just then, Zoidberg enters from outside, sopping wet with an unknown liquid)

Zoidberg (flustered):  What a day it’s been…I’m so glad my friend is here so can tell about it.

Hermes (to himself):  Why don’t I ever go wit’ dem…?

(Another cut scene of the PE ship docking with the Nimbus)

(Amy is in the control room of the Nimbus with Zapp.)

Amy: …so you have to let me see my darling Kif!

Zapp:  I don’t know why you associate with that criminal, especially when you have someone as fantastic as me just waiting to rock your world!

Amy:  Oh…uh… I think of you more as a big brother than anything, Zapp…

Zapp:  An incredibly sexy older brother?

Amy:  Not quite…

Zapp:  Alright then, you can see the prisoner…but I’ll have both my eyes on you, and possibly a hand later.  By the way, you wouldn’t happen to be from Alabama would you?

Amy:  Mars, why?

Zapp (evasive):  No reason…

Meanwhile, Fry, Leela, and Bender are shimmying through the vents over Zapp’s room)

Leela:  Ok, Zapp should be occupied now.  Fry, let’s go.

(Bender hooks fry to a rope, opens a grate, and shoves him out)

Bender:  And don’t screw up! 

Leela:  Bender, cut him some slack!

Bender: Oh, I see…   Always defending the human!

Leela:  No, I mean cut him some slack!   (She points)

(Camera pans to show that Fry has only been able to descend a foot or two, and is dangling helplessly)

Bender:  Oh.  (He lets some rope out.  Fry hits the ground with a thud)

Leela:  Now find the dicto-swap, and let’s get out of here!  I’m having disturbing flashbacks!

(Fry spots a suit on the bed and checks the pockets)

Fry:  Ooh!  This is silky! (checks another pocket)  Got it!

Bender:  OK! (Reeling-in sound is heard)

Fry:  Yaaaaah! (Fry is quickly dragged and hoisted up into the grate)

---------------------------------
Finals tomorrow and Monday.  Wish me luck.  Part five sometime early next week... I hope.

EDIT:  Just call me Tori Bad Spelling
Syme

Poppler
*
« Reply #36 on: 05-12-2004 15:53 »
« Last Edit on: 05-12-2004 15:53 »

I'm kinda late to the party, but this is a great fan-fic.  You have the characters down perfectly.

Good luck on your finals!  I'm really looking forward to Part 5!
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #37 on: 05-12-2004 16:32 »

Loved it! Didn't understand the Alabama joke but the rest was brilliant!
sheep555

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #38 on: 05-12-2004 16:35 »

Nice. To complete the illusion you should change your name to J Borges.  smile
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #39 on: 05-12-2004 16:51 »

Venus:  Just a cheap immature joke about the backwoods American South.  Zapp was suggesting that if Amy was from Alabama, she’d be more open to incest, and therefore still might sleep with someone she thought of as her brother.

Now, to continue the circle of confusion…

Sheep: By J Borges, do you mean Jorge Luis Borges, the author? I don't quite get the reference.  Can anyone help?
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