Rate my fan fic

[on:]

I'm thinking of starting a fan fic, tell me what you think(this is only the basic story without details).

The Professer sends the crew out on one last delivery forgetting that its X-mas eve. When they get back to earth, Santa arrives and shoots down the ship, they are running from Santa when he shoots a missle at a pile of rubble that collapses on Fry, Leela starts to dig when Bender fueled by anger and revenge seeks out Santa to avenge Fry. When Bender finds Santa, Bender forces him out of the sleigh and they engage in hand to hand combat, Santa appears to be winning until Flexo appears to help bender(he forgot it was X-mas eve too). The two gang up on Santa and beat the crap out of him, then Bender is about to kill him when Leela shows up with Fry over her shoulder, Bender seeing that Fry is alive is overjoyed and sees no reason to avenge Fry anymore and lets Santa go,Santa vows that Bender and everyone will know the true meaning of punishment next year and adds "beating up Santa" to the list. Back at the planet express building, Fry tells Leela that the only thing that kept him alive was the will to see her again and asks the Professer how much work he will miss but the Professer tells him his wounds are not that bad and he can continue working, Fry lets out a dissapointed moan and everone yells out Merry Xmas!. The End

So tell me what you think.(be honest!)

[Reply #1 on:]

There's no need to write it now,  you just told us all the important stuff. We even know how it ends. As for the plot, I can see the Professor forgetting X-mas eve, but not Flexo. While Bender would certainly be upset over Fry's 'death' I can't see him wanting revenge on Santa. Where his own life is concerned, he tends to be a bit selfish. If it endangers his own life, he's not likely to do it.

But since you told us all the details, there really is no point. 

[Reply #2 on:]

Allen beat me to it, but just for emphasis:

The secret of a good story is to keep the reader wanting more. If you make them think ‘what’s that all about?’ or ‘how will they get out of that?’ then they’ll keep reading. Give away the whole plot in one go, and no-one will be interested. If you want someone’s opinion, write the beginning of a story then put it up for comment: but don’t tell us all how it ends!

[Reply #3 on:]

Telling you the whole story was the point, I want to know what you think of it.

[Reply #4 on:]

That's ok, but you should write the story first. If everyone reads your paragraph, there's no need to write a story. Give us a basic synopsis instead. No explicit details. (This includes the ending.)

[Reply #5 on:]

Starone, don't let'em get you down. I'd like to read your story.

[Reply #6 on:]

 

Originally posted by SpaceCase:
Starone, don't let'em get you down. I'd like to read your story.

Yeah, me too! Write it out on FF.net or something and see what people there think of it!