my crap-tacular fan script

[on:]

I'm working on a fan script about the PE crew going to a planet full of toilets (Flushola 9). It's called "Flushin' in the wind" anybody want to hear it?

[Reply #1 on:]

Sure, it sounds like it could be fun.  Go for it, all that matters is if it's something you enjoy writing.

[Reply #2 on:]

Okay, here goes!   
Here's the opening!

(Fry, Bender, and Leela are on the couch watching "All My Circuits" )

Calculon: I have a terrible secret to reveal to you, Monique.

Monique: You can tell me, Calculon, you can tell me ANYthing!

Calculon: *sigh* I'm not wearing any pants!
(Dramatic music plays)

Fry: Does anybody else notice that this show is REALLY going downhill?

Leela: What do you mean, Fry?

Fry: The last twenty episodes have been about Calculon's lack of pants!!

Leela: You can't expect a long running series to be perfect, Fry. Sometimes the quality dips a little.

Bender: Keep it down, meatbags! It's time for "The Simpsons"!!!

(Theme song plays)

Slogan: "Just say 'no' to FOX"

Cartoon clip: Homer's soda exploding from Simpsons episode 7F16 "O Brother where art thou"

I'll try to post some more of it later!!   

Show spoiler

When they get to the toilet planet, the emperors name is I. P. Freely   

[Reply #3 on:]

(sorry for the double post)

Good news, everyone!! Here's the next part of my fan script!

(The PE staff is sitting at the conference table)

Farnsworth: Good news, everyone!! You'll be making a delivery today to Flushola 9, the toilet planet.

Fry: Why's that good news?

Farnsworth: It's not. Off you go!!

(on the ship)

Fry: Where do we keep the metal polish, Leela?

Leela: The storage closet, why?

Bender: My "just-off-the-assembly-line" sheen needs to be touched up.

(In the storage room, Fry holds a spray can)

Fry: close your eyes, Bender. (sprays Bender)

Bender: Well? (looks in nearby mirror, he is pink) yagh!!!

Fry: Oh no!! I'm sorry.

Bender: Not as sorry as you're gonna be!!!
(Bender chases Fry but causes him to slip in some pink polish that ran on to the floor during the spraying, Fry hits his head and is knocked out)Uh oh. (drags Fry by the ankles out of the closet and over to Leela)
ummm... Leela?

Leela: Ha ha! Bender!! You're PINK!! (notices Fry laying on the ground, begins to panic) Bender, did you do this??

Bender:...maybe

Leela: You IDIOT!!!

Bender: Hey, bite my pretty pink ass!!!


I'll try to post more soon!! 

[Reply #4 on:]

 

Originally posted by leelaholic:

Bender: Not as sorry as you're gonna be!!!
(Bender chases Fry but causes him to slip in some pink polish that ran on to the floor during the spraying, Fry hits his head and is knocked out)Uh oh. (drags Fry by the ankles out of the closet and over to Leela)
ummm... Leela?

Don't put action sequnces in the dialog. it just gets confusing. this would be better.
 

Bender: Not as sorry as you're gonna be!!!

Bender chases Fry but causes him to slip in some pink polish that ran on to the floor during the spraying, Fry hits his head and is knocked out.

Bender: Uh oh.

Bender drags Fry by the ankles out of the closet and over to Leela.

Bender: ummm... Leela?

 

Leela: Ha ha! Bender!! You're PINK!! (notices Fry laying on the ground, begins to panic) Bender, did you do this??

Bender:...maybe

Leela: You IDIOT!!!

Leelas and Benders dialog is off, Leela would ask what happened rather than automaticly assume Bender did it.
And Bender would be a little proud of it.
Of course while denying all responsability. 

 

Bender: Hey, bite my pretty pink ass!!!

I liked this line, very nice!
 
------------------
Call me Erdrik

Boycott Fox!! Down with the Evil OverLords!!

[Reply #5 on:]

Here's more!!

(Leela is flying the plane while Bender, with some difficulty, is restoring his silver color back, Fry is still passed out)

Bender: Hey, Leela, there's that planet up ahead.

(Bender points to an approaching planet shaped like a toilet paper roll)

Leela: I see it, Bender. My depth perception isn't THAT bad. Okay, get ready to land.

Bender: Can do.

(Bender leans back and takes a sip of Olde Fortaine)

(The ship lands)

Bender: So... What do we do about the incredable unconcious meatbag over there?

(Bender points to Fry)

Leela: Well... we know he's alive so... we'll just leave him on the ship while we make the delivery.

(Leela and Bender leave the ship into a large jungle-like landscape where there is a big colloseum with a giant toilet creature guarding the door)

Leela: Hello?

Guard: SILENCE!! What do you request?

Leela: We have a delivery for a (reads label) I. P. Freely.

Guard: SILENCE!! To see Emperor Freely, you must complete the three tasks of the mighty Toiletron. Do you accept?

Leela: Do we have a choice?

Guard: SILENCE!! no.

Leela: I guess we could try...

Guard: SILENCE!! The tasks test bravery, skill, and knowledge.

Bender: We're boned.

I'll try to post more later    (It could be a while)

[Reply #6 on:]

 

Originally posted by leelaholic:
...
Bender: Hey, Leela, there's that planet up ahead.
...

And the name of the planet is??
 

The repeatitive SILENCE!!! is funny tho it has been done already in the show... *shruggs*
     

[Reply #7 on:]

Need more!  Need more NOW!  Or at least SOON!

Basicaly what I'm trying to say is I'm really enjoying this script.

[Reply #8 on:]

wow! keep going!!

[Reply #9 on:]

More on the way soon!

[Reply #10 on:]

good, good good 

[Reply #11 on:]

Is it soon yet?  No?  Awww... the wait's killing me!

[Reply #12 on:]

second

[Reply #13 on:]

Here's more!!   


Bender: So... What do we need to do, potty mouth?

Guard: SILENCE!! You must...

(fast and rapid closeup of the guard's face)

Guard: ...be MURDERED!!!

Leela: But I thought you said we had to pass three tasks.

Guard: SILENCE!! That was to lull you into a false sense of security. I will murder only ONE of you!!

(points to Leela)

Guard: YOU!!

Leela: WHAT?? Why me?

Guard: SILENCE!! Because the metal man just ran away.

(Shot of Bender running into the ship and closing the door after himself)

Leela: *sigh*

(Bender is on the ship with Fry who is just waking up)

Fry: What happened??

Bender: We've got to get out of here!!

(Tries to start ship, fails)

Bender: There's no fuel!!

Fry: WHAT?? The proffesor was supposed to fill it!!

Bender: D'oh! He must have forgot!!

Fry: An old person forgot something? Now you're just being CRAZY, Bender.


More to come!! 

[Reply #14 on:]

good, good good (again) 

[Reply #15 on:]

I like this one 

The last line being the funniest.

"Fry: An old person forgot something? Now you're just being CRAZY, Bender."

Lol! 

[Reply #16 on:]

Okay, it's coming down to the wire. After this there will only be two more additions. Here's a few things you should know:

1. I spent all my free time in school today writing these last three so be thankful

2. These last three are going to be HUGE

3. Since it's all written, there won't be a lot of waiting between additions

4. You'll LOVE the ending (trust me  )

Here it is:


Fry: What do we do now, Bender?

Bender: I dunno, die?

(Leela is in the palace in front of the emperor who is a huge toilet on a platform)

Emperor: And now for the execution. Send in the donuts!!!

Leela: Donuts? Why??

Emperor: In the year 2620 the donut supply to our planet was lost in the sewers by the original Planet Express crew. We sent you here to have you killed thus making our vengance complete.

Leela: Because you lost a shipment of donuts??

Emperor: That's not all!! The donuts mixed with the radioactive waste beneath the ground which caused the donuts to come to life and kill people!! Bwahahahahhahah!!!! Now, goodbye and have a pleasent afterlife.

(his platform raises into the air while millions of glowing donuts roll towards Leela)

Leela: Nice try but I've never met a pastry I couldn't beat up. (pause) yet.

(The donuts swarm all over her)

Leela: AIIEE!!!

(On the ship, Fry is using a futuristic device to listen to what's going on with Leela)

Fry: Donuts?? OH NO!! Bender, she's doomed!

Bender: DOOMED!!

Fry: DOOMED!!!

Bender: DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!!!!

Fry: (thinks) Unless...

Bender: Unless WHAT?

Fry: (dramaticly) Bender, get me my comic books!!

END ACT

(Fry is looking at a monitor with Farnsworth on it)

Farnsworth (on screen):Even the TOILET laughed at me when I invented the reality integrator beam, but who's laughing NOW?? (giggles in a silly way) I'll beam it to you on the ship.

Fry: Where on the ship?

Farnsworth: Someplace...

(Image fades away)

Fry: Okay, Bender. Let's go find it.

(A scene starts where Bender and Fry are opening and closing a bunch of doors)

Fry: Okay, only one room left: Leela's room.

Bender: Good. That means I can stop looking.

(Bender lights a cigar and walks away)

Fry: Okay. This is it.

(Walks into Leela's room and sees the machine)

Fry: Aha! There you are!!

(notices one of Leela's bras on the floor)

Fry: (deviously) hmmmmmmmm...

(picks it up and begins to feel it while chuckling to himself. He rubs it against his cheek)

Fry: (contented) mmmmmmmm

Bender (off screen): Fry?

Fry: (startled) GAAHH!! (he hides it behind his back)

Bender (walking in): Did you find it?

Fry: (nervous) ummm... yeah.

Bender: Good. I got the comic. Let's go. (walks out)

Fry: Uh... yeah. (slips the bra into his pocket) Let's go (follows Bender out)


What do you think  Only two to go

 

[Reply #17 on:]

Erdrik? Bobby? Anyone? 

[Reply #18 on:]

Pretty Damn Good. Keep It Up!

[Reply #19 on:]

*whew* I got a review. I was worried people might be mad about that bra thing

[Reply #20 on:]

(sorry for the double post)

Here's a bit more:

(Bender and Fry have the beam pointed at the comic)

Fry: Here goes.

(they fire the beam at the comic)

Bender: WOOO

(a big flash lights up the scene, Homer Simpson appears)

Homer: What the hell am I doing here??

Fry: All right! It worked!

Bender: Hooray for Bender!!

Homer: What am I doing here?

Fry: We need you to save somebody...

Homer: D'OH!!

Fry: ...by eating donuts.

Homer: WOO HOO!!

Fry: Are you ready?

Homer: YEAH! (pause) You said I'd be eating donuts, right?

Fry: yes

Homer: Let's go!

(Fry Bender and Homer burst into the arena where Leela is tied up)

Homer: Not so fast, you delicious yet evil fiends!!

(the donuts leave Leela and approach Homer)

Homer: Play some music, metal guy.

Bender: Sure, why not?

(Bender inserts a cd into his mouth, calypso music begins to play)

(Homer gleefuly skips around tossing donuts onto a nearby platform while singing the following song)

Homer: (singing) I will save your life while I sing this song/ if you know the words you can sing along/ there's a way of life that you can't plan/ for today's modern donut man.

When you eat as many as I do/ your body is constantly buzzin'/ plus it's making me fat but I can ignore that/ so I'll eat another dozen.

When I go to the power plant in the morning/ I see a big box of donuts/ there's no need to explain I've got donuts on the brain/ so I've been known to go nuts.

When you eat as many as I do/ your body is constantly buzzin'/ plus it's making me fat but I can ignore that/ so I'll eat another dozen.

I like all kinds of donuts/ the flavor to me doesn't matter/ as long as it's fried and maybe glazified/ and made with lots of batter.

When you eat as many as I do/ your body is constantly buzzin'/ plus it's making me fat but I can ignore that/ so I'll eat another dozen.

(music ends)

Homer: (throws the last donut onto the platform) WOO!

Fry: All right!

Leela: Woo!

Bender: Hooray for Bender!

(Fry presses a button which compacts all the donuts on the platform into one donut, Homer eats it)

Homer: MMM... radioactive donut.

Fry: Well, that takes care of that.

(a huge shadow falls over them)

Fry: (suddenly nervous) Oops... forgot about him...


What do you think?  Only one left. 

[Reply #21 on:]

Very Good. Nice Lyrics to the song as well!

[Reply #22 on:]

Wow, very nice last couple of installments.  While I admit I'm not a fan of the bra scene, you're the author and it's your choice to make.  If I don't like it so much, I can always go off and write my own script (with Blackjack!  And hookers!).  And then you wow us again by witing a song!  Bold move.  It could have easily backfired, by you pulled it off astoundingly!  Really looking forward to the conclusion!  So much so I think I used up my day's ration of exclamation points.

[Reply #23 on:]

 

Originally posted by leelaholic:
Erdrik? Bobby? Anyone?   

im here now, i really like it 

[Reply #24 on:]

Yeah. I figured that the bra scene was hit-or-miss.      

Time to see a psychiatrist! But first, here's the final addition...


(The crew runs into the ship)

Leela: We have to get out of here!

Fry: We can't! We're out of fuel!!

Leela: Did you clean Nibbler's litter box.

Fry: Of course not!

Leela: Perfect! Bender, go fuel the ship with it.

Bender: Why me?

Leela: You're the only one that can lift it.

(Bender walks away angrily grumbling something about yo' momma)

(The emperor grasps onto the ships rear fin. Bender is straining to lift a piece of dark matter into the ship's engine, he does. The ship stsrts to take off but the emperor is too strong. Bender strains to lift another piece in, he does. The ship flys into the air with the emperor still clinging on.)

Fry: (looks out window and sees emperor clinging on) If he gets in here, we're dead.

(Bender is walking to the ships door)

Leela: What are you doing??

Bender: Something really stupid...

(Bender climbs on top of the ship)

Bender: Hey, JERK!!

emperor: I'll KILL you!!

Bender: Then I guess you'll want...

(holds crate over his head)

Bender: THIS!!!

(throws crate at emperor causing him to fall into space, his hand is still grasping the fin)

Emperor: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!![/i]

Bender: Let that be a lesson to you: Don't mess with The Benderater!!!

Bender: WHO'S THE GREATEST???

Homer: YOU!!

(Homer and Bender bump chests and laugh)

Bender: I guess it's time to say goodbye...

(long pause)

Bender: 'Bye.

Homer: 'Bye.

(Fry zaps Homer back into the book using the beam)

Leela: Well, we're done with that but we still need to get this form signed by the emperor saying we delivered it.

Fry: Crud. All that work for nothing

Bender: Don't worry! Old Bender will save the day! (leans in) again.

(opens his chest compartment and takes out the emperor's hand)

Bender: It came off when I hit him...

(puts a pen in the hand and uses it to write "I. P. Freely" )

Fry: Well, that does count as the emperor signing it... sorta.

Bender: Another succesful mission thanks to me... Bender.

Fry: Look! I found another comic. (reading) "PEEL comics". It's about people that are obsessed with Planet Express.

(everyone stares at him)

Fry: (as if answering a question)why yes, they are insane.

(he tosses the comic behind him, it falls open as it hits the ground. The camera zooms in on the last panel of the open page which reads "the end" )


What do you think?   

[Reply #25 on:]

one word:
perfect 

[Reply #26 on:]

Excellent story leelaholic.  When's part 2 coming out?

[Reply #27 on:]

Listen?  You hear that?  It's the sound of applause.  And if you keep writing fan fics of this caliber, you'll be haring it a lot.

[Zapp]Brave-o![/Zapp]

[Reply #28 on:]

that was a sweeeeeeeeeeeeet fan fic. makes me want 2 write my own! well time 2 get started on my fan fic!!!!(bwahahah)

[Reply #29 on:]

Thanks for all the good reviews, everyone.  I'm working on a second story but it isn't very far done (nice grammar) yet. 

[Reply #30 on:]

It was excellent. Count on Fry to go through Leela's lingerie... hehehe *thinks back to when he's searching Leela's underpants drawer for Flexo*

Good old Fry. You must continue!!

[Reply #31 on:]

I'm working on a promo picture for it but it could take a while.   

EDIT: I'm drawing the rough for the promo pic right now and I just realized that the emperor's lookin' pretty scary   

EDIT 2: That's a good thing, by the way 

[Reply #32 on:]

Scary in the good way is the second-best kind of scary there is.

[Reply #33 on:]

the donut song was nice, but I would have perfered it if Homer ate the donuts as he sang instead of waiting for them to be compacted together.
Then he could say radioactive donuts in plural.
... what its funnier when things are said in plural. 0_o ... well it is! 
It is I tell's ya! It is!     

I didn't like how they kept hopping from one location to another. one minute there in a palace then the next line with no explination or transition they're back on the ship. 

It was still good tho. refine it a bit, merge the peices together with nice transitions and BAM! roast Fanfic!
 

[Reply #34 on:]

 

Originally posted by Erdrik:
the donut song was nice, but I would have perfered it if Homer ate the donuts as he sang instead of waiting for them to be compacted together.

Actually, that was my original idea until I realized he couldn't chew and sing at the same time. *sigh* The rules of basic logic be a harsh mistress...

EDIT: Also, I should have mentioned that the part between the palace and the ship was a commercial (or an act break, whatever  )

[Reply #35 on:]

 

Originally posted by leelaholic:
  Actually, that was my original idea until I realized he couldn't chew and sing at the same time. *sigh* The rules of basic logic be a harsh mistress...

Are you kidding me? Homer swallows donuts whole, man!!! No chewing involved!!

 

EDIT: Also, I should have mentioned that the part between the palace and the ship was a commercial (or an act break, whatever    )

Yes. Yes you should have.

lol 

[Reply #36 on:]

[Homer] mmm... promo [/Homer]

[Reply #37 on:]

That Flush Hour pic is really good leelaholic.

[Reply #38 on:]

 

Originally posted by Wonderbee31:
That Flush Hour pic is really good leelaholic.

Your overly kind Wonderbee31.  lol

[Reply #39 on:]

Okay. I just sent it to TLZ

 

Originally posted by Erdrik:
 Your overly kind Wonderbee31.

What? You don't like it?