« on: 05-16-2003 01:27 »
« Last Edit on: 05-16-2003 01:27 »
A Futurama fan fiction written by Beamer.
NOTE: Sorry if there are any plotholes in this script, it’s my first attempt. If there is anything in this script that contradicts things from recent real episodes, I apologise for that, as I have only seen the first 3 seasons of Futurama in real life. In this script, not all camera angles are listed, only the ones vital to the script. Anyway, I hope you enjoy my first Futurama fan fiction, please reply with your comments. Okay, on with the script.
Futurama intro begins to play.
CAPTION: Now with 15% more animals injured in the making of this show!
CARTOON CLIP: Peter passed out on the table from the first Family Guy episode.
Camera zooms up on the Planet Express building, short tune plays.
FARNSWORTH: Okay crew, as you know, there’s been a lot of hype in the media surrounding deliveries through the Aquarian galaxy. Their leader claims that any spacecrafts seen trespassing through their galaxy will be shot down on site.
LEELA: Professor, I’m pretty sure we all know about it. I mean, it’s been in the news all month.
FRY: Ummm… I didn’t know about it.
FARNSWORTH: That’s okay, it’s completely irrelevant to your new mission. I just wanted to make sure you were all aware of it. Anyway, for your next delivery, you need to make sure this crate of landmines reaches planet Remalin by Thursday…
LEELA: Isn’t planet Remalin IN the Aquarian galaxy?!
FARNSWORTH: Oh my, no, it’s right at the end of it.
LEELA: Meaning we’ll have to go THROUGH the Aquarian galaxy to get there?
FARNSWORTH: (uneasily) Well… ummm… (stands up) Oh my, looks like my coffee’s ready, I’ll have to go and get it now! (quickly walks in to the kitchen)
FRY: Professor – don’t you already HAVE a cup of coffee on your desk?
FRY: Professor? PROFESSOR?!?!
LEELA: Well, I don’t care what he says, I am NOT flying the ship through a restricted area, especially with landmines on board!
FRY: Oh, c’mon, what could possibly go wrong?
LEELA: We could get killed.
FRY: Oh yeah…
BENDER: Ah, for crying out loud, what’s the big deal?! So what if we die, at least I can be re-built!
LEELA: What about US, Bender?
BENDER: See – there you go again, always thinking of yourself!
Fansworth walks back in with a cup of coffee in his hands.
FARNSWORTH: Oh, you’re still here? I thought you were off delivering those land mines?
LEELA: I am NOT flying through the Aquarian galaxy. Isn’t there any other way we can get to planet Remalin?
FARNSWORTH: Oh my, looks like my coffee’s ready! (quickly walks back in to the kitchen)
Camera cuts to the section of the Planet Express building where the ship is. Dr. Zoidberg, Bender and Fry are boarding the ship, but Leela is nowhere to be seen.
BENDER: I still can’t see why Leela refused to go on this mission, I mean, it’s not like her life was in any danger!
FRY: Ah, don’t worry Bender. I’m sure us 3 can manage…
Dr. Zoidberg runs in to the pilot section.
ZOIDBERG: We’re in terrible danger! I poked one of those oysters we’re delivering with a stick, and it blew up!
BENDER: Those were landmines, jackass.
ZOIDBERG: Uh-oh, then I shouldn’t have eaten a plate full of them…
FRY: Okay, now for take off…
Fry looks blankly at the control panel.
BENDER: Fry, do you even know HOW to fly this thing?
FRY: Ah, don’t worry, I’ve been studying for ages, and with all the training Leela gave me, what could possibly go wrong?
Fry presses a large red button on the control panel. A loud explosion is heard and the ship shakes violently for a few seconds.
Fry presses a smaller red button next to the previous one he pressed, and an elevating noise is heard.
FRY: There we go.
Camera cuts to the outside of the Planet Express building and a heroic tune begins to play. The ceiling opens up and the ship begins to fly off unsteadily.
Camera cuts back inside the ship and the heroic tune begins to fade out. Fry is at the helm, Bender is on the seat next to him with his feet up, and Zoidberg is on a chair next to Bender.
ZOIDBERG: Fry, you’re doing great!
Camera cuts to a view behind Fry’s head, and you can see out the front window. Several small asteroids come in collision with the ship. Camera cuts to Bender.
BENDER: Fry, do you even know WHERE you’re supposed to be going?
FRY: Of course, after all, I AM the captain.
BENDER: Well, planet Remalin is back THERE. (points in the opposite direction to where Fry is heading)
Camera cuts to the outside of the ship. The ship does a poor U-turn and begins flying unsteadily to where Bender was pointing. Camera goes back inside the ship.
BENDER: I told you, I should have been the captain.
FRY: What are you talking about? I’m doing a great job!
Camera cuts to Zoidberg, asleep in his chair. A loud crash is heard and the ship shakes a bit, waking Zoidberg.
ZOIDBERG: (startled) What? What was that?!
BENDER: Just Fry’s crappy piloting.
FRY: Shut up Bender, I’d like to see YOU do a better job!
BENDER: Fine then, I WILL!
Bender walks hastily over to Fry and pushes him out of the pilot’s seat. Bender takes the seat and grabs the controls. Camera cuts to view behind Bender’s head. The ship picks up some pace and flies smoothly through space, avoiding all asteroids.
FRY: Yeah right, that’s just beginners luck.
BENDER: Actually, I’ve flown this thing before. Wasn’t it YOUR first attempt though? (laughs)
Fry looks down at the ground with a disappointed expression on his face. He then slowly walks out through the doors.
ZOIDBERG: Bender, you shouldn’t be so hard on Fry. If his self esteem gets too low, his eggs might hatch prematurely!
Camera cuts to Planet Express building, short tune plays. Camera cuts inside Planet Express building to the TV room. Leela is sitting on the couch, somewhat angry and Amy walks in. Amy looks over at Leela.
AMY: What’s wrong?
LEELA: It’s the Professor. I can’t believe his blatant ignorance for the crew’s safety, it’s just appauling.
AMY: Oh, cheer up, I’ve seen those guys get out of worse situations…
LEELA: Yeah, but I was always the one who saved them! Not to mention how awful a pilot Fry is. When I was training him, he managed to crash the ship in to 20 asteroids in 10 seconds… Maybe I SHOULD have gone with them?
Camera cuts to the ship for a few seconds, then goes to Fry’s room. Fry is sitting on his bed, looking glum.
FRY: (to himself) All I wanted to do was be a good pilot, and I’m awful at THAT too…
Zoidberg walks in.
ZOIDBERG: Cheer up Fry, just because you’re bad at being a pilot doesn’t make you a bad pilot…
FRY: It’s not that…
ZOIDBERG: So what is it? I mean, you’re far too young to have hit your second puberty in which you shred your skin…
FRY: No, it’s Bender. I mean, I like having him for a friend, but sometimes, he can just be a jerk, you know?
ZOIDBERG: He is?! (scratches head) I thought he was a robot?!
FRY: Oh, nevermind… I just wanted to be a good captain, that’s all. But I guess I’ll never be as good as Bender…
A loud explosion is heard and the ship begins shaking violently, non-stop. The room begins to flash red and a repetitive siren is heard. Bender runs in the room flailing his arms.
BENDER: WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!
FRY: What do you mean we’re all gonna die?!
BENDER: We just entered the Aquarian galaxy and we’ve been shot at! The Aquarian police say we either surrender or die!
ZOIDBERG: So… what happens if we don’t surrender?
FRY: Well c’mon, we don’t have a choice, we HAVE to surrender!
BENDER: Fry’s right, the heat of the explosion would make the Bender you all love completely disintegrate to dust!
Bender, Fry and Zoidberg walk in to the pilot section.
FRY: Bender, fire the ‘surrender’ flair!
Bender presses a button and a sparkly white flair gets fired from the side of the ship. The flair goes up and destroys one of the police vehicles.
BENDER: Oh crap…
Camera cuts to a scene of a prison-like building on a strange planet with orange grass and purple sky. A small tune plays as the camera zooms in. After tune finishes, camera cuts to scene of Bender, Zoidberg and Fry in a prison cell. A giant yellow prison guard with tentacles is standing at the front of the cell.
FRY: Well this is just GREAT. You know, Bender, if you had let ME pilot the ship, we might have been better off.
Bender starts laughing.
PRISON GUARD: Silence! You will not talk until you receive your verdict!
Everyone goes silent and just stands there for about 20 seconds.
PRISON GUARD: You will now receive your verdict!
A yellow judge with tentacles walks up to the bars.
JUDGE: Under the crime of trespassing forbidden Aquarian Galaxy zones, I hereby sentence Phillip J. Fry, Dr. John Zoidberg and Bender Bending Rodriquez to DEATH!
Dr. Zoidberg, Fry and Bender all let out worried gasps.
JUDGE: And, under the crime of destroying Aquarian Galaxy Police Force vehicles, I hereby sentence Phillip J. Fry, Dr. John Zoidberg and Bender Bending Rodriquez to a much slower and painful death!
Dr. Zoidberg, Fry and Bender all let out worried gasps again.
PRISON GUARD: Silence! You will not gasp until you receive your verdict!
FRY: But we already received our verdict!
PRISON GUARD: Then you may gasp.
Dr. Zoidberg, Fry and Bender all let out worried gasps again.
Camera zooms up on the prison-like building on the strange alien planet, small tune plays. Camera cuts back to the prison cell.
FRY: Oh god, we gotta find a way out of here!
PRISON GUARD: Silence! You will not speak any more words until you receive your sentence!
BENDER: But isn’t our sentence DEATH?
PRISON GUARD: No, your sentence is a slow and painful death!
FRY: W-w-w-when are we g-gonna be s-sentenced?
PRISON GUARD: At approximately 0900 hours tomorrow.
FRY: W-what t-time is it n-now?
PRISON GUARD: 1700 hours.
Fry gives the prison guard a puzzled look, then preceeds to count his fingers.
ZOIDBERG: Oh, all the things I never got to see and then devour…
Zoidberg begins to cry, and then attempts to wipe his tears with his claws, but ends up accidentally cutting his eye.
Camera cuts to the Planet Express building, and a small tune plays. Camera then cuts to the television room and Leela, Farnsworth, Hermes and Amy are all watching the news.
LINDA: And in other news today, three members of the Planet Express delivery crew have been captured trying to trespass through the Aquarian galaxy, and have been sentenced to slow and painful death. What do you think, Morbo?
MORBO: Morbo thinks those three puny humans deserve the slowest and most painful death possible!
LINDA: Hahahaha, that’s definitely correct, although only one of them is a human!
MORBO: Well, Morbo says that one human will get what’s coming to him!
Leela turns the TV off.
LEELA: See Professor? I told you it was a bad idea sending us to deliver those land mines on planet Remalin.
FARNSWORTH: I regret nothing!
LEELA: But we can’t just let them die! I’m going to break them out, who’s with me?
Hermes and Amy mutter unenthuseastically between them, then everyone goes silent.
LEELA: Argh, fine then, I’ll go by myself! (walks off)
Camera zooms up on the prison-like building on the strange alien planet again, small tune plays. Camera cuts to a long, green hall with a long row of separate cells. The Prison Guard is walking down, with Dr. Zoidberg, Fry and Bender all chained up to him.
PRISON GUARD: Mr. Rodriquez, your new cell will be here.
The prison guard pushes Bender in to the cell then locks the door.
PRISON GUARD: Mr. Fry, your new cell will be here.
The prison guard pushes Fry in to the cell next to Bender then locks the door.
PRISON GUARD: And as for you, Dr. Zoidberg, you’re going to have to share a cell with Tommy Henderson. He’s also from Earth, so chances are you know eachother. He’s been convicted of mass murder on cellmates.
Dr. Zoidberg goes silent for a few seconds.
The prison guard pushes Dr. Zoidberg in to a dark cell with a man with spiked grey hair and a grey beard. The grey haired man, Tommy Henderson, gives Dr. Zoidberg an evil look.
ZOIDBERG: So, what are you into? I collect sea shells!
Camera cuts to the 2 neighbouring cells with Bender and Fry.
FRY: (whispering) So, Bender, think you can bend these bars?
BENDER: Yeah, no problem! We just have to wait for the guard to leave…
FRY: Got it…
Fry and Bender look down the hall and see the Prison Guard leaving. Once he was walked off, they let out a sigh of relief. Seconds later, another Prison Guard enters the hall.
FRY & BENDER: (annoyed) Awwww!
Camera cuts to the Planet Express building for a few seconds. Camera then cuts to the room where they keep the ship. Leela is seen pacing around.
LEELA: (to herself) Okay, so we have no form of transport that can reach the Aquarian Galaxy… Think, you MUST know someone with a ship who’s willing to help you…
Leela stops walking and raises her eyebrows.
Camera cuts to Zapp Brannigan sitting down on a chair. Small, dangerous tune plays.
ZAPP: So, captain Leela, what will I get in return for lending you my space cruiser?
LEELA: (annoyed) Look, I am NOT going to have sex with you, alright? I am asking you for a FAVOUR, captain to captain?
ZAPP: Ah, I see. (winks at Leela) This “captain to captain” actions intrigues and arouses me!
LEELA: For gods sake, will you STOP with this whole “trying to seduce” me act, it’s not working and it never will do, alright?
ZAPP: And WHY should I lend my space crusier to someone who speaks to me like THAT?
LEELA: Because doing so will make me hate you less?
ZAPP: That may be true, but will it get you in the sack with the Zapper?
ZAPP: Well, in that case…
LEELA: Come on Zapp, PLEASE? This is for my friends.
ZAPP: Perhaps you could ask me in a more… sexy way?
Leela lets out another annoyed sigh.
LEELA: (in a sexy way) Oh, Zapper, would you PLEEEASE reconsider?
ZAPP: (grinning) Very well, Leela. You make an erotically persuasive point. You may borrow my space cruiser, under one condition…
LEELA: (suspicious) And what condition might that be?
ZAPP: It must come back to me in PERFECT condition, OR ELSE…
LEELA: Or else what?
ZAPP: Or else I will have to buy a new one. Right this way…
Zapp gets up and begins walking. Leela follows. After a while, the 2 get to a small grey rocket with Zapp Brannigan’s face painted on the side.
ZAPP: Here you go, babe. My personal space cruiser. I think a sexy pilot like yourself should be experienced enough at flying a beautiful piece of machinery like this. It’s especially beautiful as it has my face on the side.
LEELA: I see…
ZAPP: Well, have a wild ride, baby! And remember, if you’d like to reconsider my offer, I’ll be right here, baby!
LEELA: (muttering) Jackass…
ZAPP: What was that?
LEELA: Uh, thank you!
Zapp hands Leela the keys and she opens the door and climbs in the space cruiser, closing the door behind her. After a few seconds, it goes in to ignition mode and blasts off.
ZAPP: (calling) KIF!
Kif walks over to Zapp.
KIF: (unenthusiastically) What is it, sir?
ZAPP: Kif, inform the men on my progress with Leela!
Kif lets out an annoyed sigh and walks off.
Camera shows a long shot of Earth, and after a few seconds, Zapp’s space cruiser zooms up from Earth, and Leela can be seen in the captain’s seat. After the cruiser passes by the camera, the camera cuts to Leela in the spaceship, studying the controls.
LEELA: (to herself) Hmmm… the controls of Zapp Brannigan’s space cruiser seem to be just like the ones on the Planet Express ship, only smaller…
Leela looks around the ship.
LEELA: And covered in pictures of his face…
Camera goes to behind view of ship and shows it zooming off in to the vanishing point. After a few seconds, camera cuts to the Aquarian Galaxy prison and short tune plays. Once tune is finished, camera cuts to Fry and Bender’s cells.
FRY: So, how long until we die?
BENDER: 12 hours, just like it was when you asked me 5 seconds ago.
Fry wraps his arms around himself, then goes silent for a few seconds.
FRY: Ummm… how much longer now?
Camera goes to the cell with Zoidberg and Tommy Henderson.
ZOIDBERG: So, I heard you murdered all your other cellmates. How did that happen?
Tommy remains silent, still giving Zoidberg an evil look.
ZOIDBERG: Ummm… do you want me to continue with MY story?
ZOIDBERG: I’ll take that as a yes. So anyway, after I moved to New New York, I…
Camera goes back to Zapp Brannigan’s space cruiser. After a few seconds, camera cuts to Leela in the pilot’s seat.
LEELA: Okay, according to my radar, I should be entering the Aquarian Galaxy right… about… now!
Heroic music begins to play. Camera goes to a side view of Zapp’s space cruiser, following the ship. Lots of lasers are fired at the ship, and Leela dodges them all using her great pilot’s expertise. After a while, the bombardment of laser’s finishes. Camera cuts to Leela.
LEELA: (looking at space cruiser’s CPU system) shield reactors normal, no damage done…
Camera cuts to a view behind Leela’s head, and she accidentally hits an asteroid.
LEELA: Oops. (looks at radar) Okay, looks like I’m approaching the Aquarian Police headquarters.
Camera shows the space cruiser heading towards a small planet. Once space cruiser enters the atmosphere, camera cuts to the prison building, and the space cruiser comes to a nice, clean landing a few metres away from it. The space cruiser door opens, and Leela jumps out.
LEELA: Okay, this is going to require expert stealth…
Leela begins slowly sneaking up to the building without being seen by the 2 guards at the enterance.
LEELA: Ah, to hell with it. (runs up to guards) Hi-YAH!
Leela engages in ass-kicking with the 2 guards, as you would expect. Once the 2 guards are on the floor, the heroic music stops and the camera cuts to Bender and Fry’s cells.
FRY: How much longer now?
BENDER: WILL YOU SHUT UP?!?!
Siren begins to wail and the hall flashes red.
FRY: Ahhhh! What’s going on?!
Camera cuts to the door on the hall, and Leela enters.
FRY: Leela’s come to save us!
Camera goes back to Leela, and 3 guards come out of nowhere and attempt to ambush her, but she manages to beat all 3 up with ease. Camera cuts to Zoidberg’s cell.
ZOIDBERG: Hurray, she’s beating up all the guards!
Tommy does an evil smile and takes out a knife. Camera goes back to Bender’s cell.
BENDER: And now for these bars to meet Bender… as a bending unit!
Bender grabs 2 bars in front of them, and bends them open.
FRY: Alright, go Bender!
BENDER: NOBODY can keep Bender in prison!
Bender then climbs out of his cell and then begins bending the bars on Fry’s cell. Camera goes back to Leela, who’s using her karate moves on another prison guard. After that prison guard is down, Leela runs over to Bender and Fry, who are both free from their cells.
LEELA: Bender – you go and break out Zoidberg! And hurry before more guards come!
BENDER: Do I have to?
Camera cuts to Zoidberg’s cell. Tommy is holding his knife up in the sky, smiling. Dr. Zoidberg looks over at Tommy.
ZOIDBERG: Oooh, such a shiny knife…
Tommy takes a stab at Zoidberg’s head, and misses by a few inches.
ZOIDBERG: Hey, watch it, you could have poked my eye out!
Suddenly, Bender runs up to the cell and bends the bars open.
BENDER: Come quick!
Bender runs off, and Zoidberg follows. After a few seconds, Tommy also walks out of his cell. He raises his head and does an evil laugh. Camera cuts to the front of the hall, where Leela, Fry, Bender and Zoidberg are making their getaway.
LEELA: Hurry, before more guards come!
The 4 rush down a small hallway and towards the door, only to discover the gates have been locked with steel bars.
LEELA: Bender! Can you bend these bars?
BENDER: Well, I’ll try.
Bender walks up to the bars and attempts to bend them. He is obviously struggling, but isn’t giving up.
BENDER: I’M… TRYING!
Leela takes a glimpse down the main hall, and a swarm of guards are heading towards the 4.
LEELA: Come on Bender, I don’t think I could fight off THAT MANY guards!
Bender tries to bend the bars open, but tries so hard that his arms fall off.
BENDER: Ah crap!
Suddenly, the 2 bars Bender was trying to bend fall out of their place and everyone cheers.
LEELA: Come on, quick!
Leela runs off. Fry picks up Bender’s arms, and runs off too, followed by Dr. Zoidberg and the armless Bender. They all squeeze in to the space cruiser, and the doors close just as the swarm of guards runs outside after them. The guards all scream at the space cruiser as it takes off. Camera cuts to the inside of the space cruiser.
FRY: Yeah Leela, you did it!
BENDER: Hey, what about ME? I was the one who bent the bars!
FRY: And you did a great job.
ZOIDBERG: Hey, now that I think about it… I think that Tommy Henderson person didn’t like me much!
LEELA: Well, I just hope the Professor learnt his lesson. Now what do you say we head home?
Everyone cheers, and sentimental music begins to play. Camera goes to the back of the space cruiser as it flies off in to the distance, dodging several lasers. Screen and music fade out, and the credits come up.