Fan Fiction Raviews

[Reply #320 on:]

 

Originally posted by Venus:

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I mean, a delphinean is about to shoot her, her dad rescues her by shooting first, and then she's pissed at him for it. She regards him as a cold blooded killer for doing what any parent alive would have done. What exactly was she expecting? For her dad to pull up and try to reason with the thing? What was she expecting to happen? "Oh please don't kill her she's my child" "oh i'm sorry i didn't know!" Oh come on! If someone held my child at gunpoint by the time i was finished with him the body wouldn't even be identifiable! Willow had exactly 2 choices. Either sit idly by while his only child was vaporized or strick first. I don't know what idealalogical fantasy world Alesia lives in but it's really getting irritating. She is just gonna wind up getting herself killed. And the fact that she remembers her father as being a murderer for saving her life is such a cold betrayal to his memory.

Answer. Sort of...:

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She wasn't mad at what he did as much as the fact that he seemed to do it so effortlessly and without any visible remorse. Basically, it wasn't THAT he saved her, it was HOW he did. That might not seem that logical, I agree, but it's how her mind works.

And you're right that her remembering her father as a murderer for saving her is a cold betrayal to his memory. That illustrates just how cold and... yes, even morbid, her mind really is. She's a very negative thinker, and negative experiences have left her with a closed, pessimistic mind and a poisoned heart.

Hope that explains that well enough... though feel free to ask anything further 

[Reply #321 on:]

that kinda answers it. I still don't understand her thinking patterns though. I understand that she's been hurt and all but she just seemd so selfish for someone who came off in the begining as being sweet and empathetic. I keep waiting for Fry to realize how selfish she really is. She doesn't deserve him. I send many thoughts of ill-will in her general direction.

Oh, and i hope my rants don't offend you at all. I know she's your character so you probably have  alot invested in her and then i go railing on about her sucking and stuff.

[Reply #322 on:]

Well, basically... she's become more selfish because of Fry. At the beginning she was just nice but kept her feelings bottled up inside. When amnesia struck, she was still kind but a little more opened up. When she regained her memories, she became brutally honest, realised she really cared for Fry, and became jealous, possessive and selfish of him.

Oh, and I haven't taken any offense. Though I do sometimes wonder if people are a little unfair and critical of her just because they're shippers who don't want her to get between Fry and Leela... 

[Reply #323 on:]

yeah my opinion is a little biased, guilty as charged, but she is really selfish and that thing i was talking about earlier about her dad has nothing to do with the shippy part of the story.

and if Fry brings out the worst in her then they really shouldn't be together

[Reply #324 on:]

Squee! Mango rants about teh New UoM Chapter:

Alesia's always feeling so sorry for herself.  I can't stand people like that.  *hisssssss.*  I've had bad experiences with angsty, self-absorbed people...:|  And there you go, it's my official reason for my overwhelming hatred of Alesia!

But aside from beating that extremely dead horse...

I luved Zoidberg in this chapter, of course.  I also really enjoyed the flying bender thing.  And the whole battle scene was pretty cool and all.  Only you don't feel much sympathy when some of the rebelling people are dying, since they were briefly introduced, and then immediately killed off.  But having backstory on all of them would have long and boring anyway... 

But I'm no good with critiquing plots and stuff, so don't listen to me! 

....BUT!  I found a usage error, I did I did! *dances*  At one point, the word "distain" was used instead of "disdain."  "Distain" means to take the color out of something, but "disdain" is dislike and whatnot.  Wow I'm picky!  Go me!  Yay for Mango, Mango wins!  In your face, fanfic-writing-guy!
don't hurt me.

[Reply #325 on:]

Just read it, thumbs up once again! I love this fiction, it should be published into a short story!   

I admit my hatred of Alesia is basicaly because I don't like her getting in the way of Fry and Leela, but in the end, I know Fry'll pick the right choice (Meaning Leela.)   . Also she is such a whiner, I hate whiners.   . But yes, it's great to see Leela get jealous, I love it when she does.

[Reply #326 on:]

 

Originally posted by Kif White:
 Answer. Sort of...:

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She wasn't mad at what he did as much as the fact that he seemed to do it so effortlessly and without any visible remorse.

i don't know how i missed reading that the first time around but

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why would she want him to feel remorse? remorse means deep regret. And how could any parent be expected to regret protecting the life of their child? I threatened to kick a guys ass for threatening a cat, and the cat wasn't even mine! I wouldn't regret taking down someone that hurt my children how can she expect anyone to? Especially her own dad. i can understand being regretful after that tournament thing earlier cause they were fighting creatures that didn't want to kill any more then they did, but open war with a creature thats hell bent on killing/enslaving you is a whole different matter. Not wanting to kill intelligent creatures is a noble thing in normal situations but as soon as that intelligent creature decides it wants to vaporize you, you're kinda obligated to do something in your own defense. What would she had done if the situation had been reversed and willow was about to be shot and she had enough time to respond? Would she just stand there and watch? Does she think it's better to let someone kill randomly rather then stopping them when she has the chance? She wouldn't have the blood of that particular delphinian on her hands but wouldn't she be indirectly responsible for every creature that delphinian killed after that moment? I understand she's a negative thinker and all but how would she have rather that situation went? What would have satisfied her? To have him act like he wished he could have taken it back? which would be the same as him saying that he wishes he had let her die. How would that be any better? Or would she never have been satisfied no matter how things had turned out? I wish Dr. Phil was here...

[Reply #327 on:]

Well, I just finished reading the new chapters of Universe of Malice , and Delicious Surprise, so here's my thoughts on them.

First off, I find myself nodding and agreeing with Venus, Mango, and Hil about Alesia.  If Fry does bring out the worst feelings in her, then they don't need to be together in my opinion.  If they did get together, then I could envision a point in time, maybe 5 years or so, when Fry really started to devbelop feelings of dislike for her, because I could not see her letting him stay around any of his friends, especially Leela, and Fry would grow to resent her for it.  I hope that this is going to end with Leela and Fry together.

As for Delicious Surprise, great stuff as always, there's a Thanksgiving story, some great Zoidberg stuff, and it just flows for me.  I love the way that it's coming together, and think that Missy's a great shipper writer, one who whips me with a...whipping stick?  Oh, whatever, anyway, read this fic folks, you'll like it.

p.s. Hey Hil, Giants won!  Whoo hoo!

[Reply #328 on:]

im always so dissapointed after reading a chapter of delicious surprise. Not because i dislike the story, cause i love it, but because i know it will be like a month or so before i get any more. Same with UoM and every other serial fic. It's like giving me peanut butter fudge and then yanking it back and saying i can have some more at a yet to be established time.

[Reply #329 on:]

I'm agreeing with you again Venus *egad!*. I love reading the serial fics, but it's awful having to wait sometimes, especially if the story is really starting to draw me in.  That said, I'm glad that there are so many talented writers who are able to do so much with these characters.  Wouldn't trade any of 'em for the world.

(Well, maybe if they gave me a lot of money, tax free of course...dyah! I mean, never, never in a million years!)

[Reply #330 on:]

Missy's a good writer for a fun fiction, but, frankly, she does't really touch me emotionally like other shippers' stories, but it's a good read and original story too.   

 

Originally posted by Wonderbee31:
p.s. Hey Hil, Giants won! Whoo hoo!

Damn straight.

[Reply #331 on:]

Well, I just finished reading the latest chapters of UoM. Unlike some of you, I don't hate Alesia. I find her to be a refreshing challenge. It explores Fry's character and to an extent Leela's as well. Well done. I await the next chapter with anticipation

Next is Delicious Surprise. While not a horrid fic, it strikes me as emotionally dull. Perhaps later chapters will fix this.

All this talk of serials reminds me of my own serial The Frylight Zone. I long to finish it, but school stands in my way. I will finish it, even if it takes years.:P

[Reply #332 on:]

 

Originally posted by Allen:
All this talk of serials reminds me of my own serial The Frylight Zone. I long to finish it, but school stands in my way. I will finish it, even if it takes years.:P

Say, when will you work on the next part of that? I liked it, so far, even if it's a tad confusing to me (I think there's something I'm not getting).

[Reply #333 on:]

i agree that Alesia is really well done character wise. She's the best original character i've ever read. I like how she makes the other characters act i just don't like her as a person.

[Reply #334 on:]

 

Originally posted by Asylum-Fry:
 Say, when will you work on the next part of that? I liked it, so far, even if it's a tad confusing to me (I think there's something I'm not getting).

It's definately pushing me to finish it. This week will be extra busy, but after if I can just stay one step ahead of the school game, we could see an update soon. Don't worry about it being confusing, the next part planned focuses on eliminating some of that confusion.

I have it all worked out in my head. Now I just have to write it. I also think considering the time it's taken me (or rather us) to finish, any other single fics I do will be one shot deals. I hate unfinished work and the serial is a breeding ground for it.

[Reply #335 on:]

Well I just sat down and read "Universe of Malice" up to the latest chapter, which was no mean feat I can tell you.
Firstly I salute Mr White. I, love epicness and this story is Epic.
One of the things that struck me was the sheer amount of parodies in it, especailly Star Trek ones. I did like the bald prsioner being tortured about the nuber of lights he could see (only just recently I watched that episode of TNG). Also anyone who takes the piss out of Dragonball Z is alright in my books.
As for the story it is interesting some bits I felt were abit dull (mostly the DOOP bits) but this maybe due more to personal tastes in genre. I definitly enjoy the the bits with Baldur and Zapp inside ...oh hell..I'm going to call it Unicron. I found these parts to be very entertaining. I did not really like the PE sections until the later chapters, basically from the arena match. I think that the evolution of the characters is working very well and I am very interested to see how the writter will choose to continue their evolutions.
As for Alcia. She is an interesting character but I can't say that I like her. There are just many aspects of her I do not like but that said I do believe she helps the story along. She bring out interesting reactions from Leela and Fry. Also the great thing about fan made characters is that they can be killed off more easily  as shown through the fic in genral.
As I have stated on this board and i my own works I am a Fry and Leela shipper so I hope this Alcia thing will help their relationship progress.

All in all I will reserve judgement on this fic until it is complete. That said so far I think it is progressing well and I am interested to see how it will continue.

I will finish by saying one thing.
There is an evil new force in the universe.
A monster planet that devours everything in it's path......
And its' heading for the small planet of cybertron.....

[Reply #336 on:]

hey Wu_konguk do you ever plan on finishing your fic?

[Reply #337 on:]

Funny you should ask. After finishing universe of malice I relised if I have enough free tiem to read that then I should have enough time to finish my fic. Being at uni helps as well since I now have a little more free time on hands.
So far I've done to the first four pages. I don't know how long it will be but it will be the last chapter no matter how much longer it is compared to the other chapters.
With all that said I do get easily distracted, espically by cheap beer. It will get finished .....eventually. (I'll try to get the first draft done by the end of the week )

[Reply #338 on:]

Seems like Alesia the character everybody loves to hate... 

I'd like to say something regarding her character though. She's not really a selfish person, at least not normally. The only time she was supposed to be purposefully and uncharacteristically selfish was when she thought about not telling the crew about Leela on Delphine.

The rest of the time is that she's just somebody who has kept her negative feelings festering inside her for ten long years, slowly poisoning her, only to have Fry actually be somebody who she can let it all out to.

So the reason she always talks about her troubles isn't because she is a selfish person... it's because all the hoorible things she has kept inside are suddenly gushing out together now that she has somebody to support her.

Yes, that probably still is fairly selfish... but that's the reasoning behind it. Take that how you want 

[Reply #339 on:]

It seems I had less to do than I thought. I have completed the final chapter of my fic and have sent it ot TLZ. So it should be up in a few days.
I would like to hear some critique if you read it 

[Reply #340 on:]

Fan fic good

probalbly....

[Reply #341 on:]

 

Originally posted by getak2003:
Fan fic good

probalbly....

Note: He said those that have read it.

[Reply #342 on:]

@Kif : How did you choose the name "Delphine" ? it's a bit in contradiction with the style of creatures, their Planet and the meaning of "delphin"...

it's weird, cos I know someone whose name is Delphine (it's a french first name)

BTW, I love epic and this one is great ! 
concernig Alesia, I believe it's hard to understand her behavior. it seems she's not ready to change it, until she becomes conscious she's prisoner of her own past of suffering. or maybe she is conscious of it, but sometimes people prefer live in such pain, cos they aren't strong enough to change(it's a very hard way, indeed...)

[Reply #343 on:]

Interesting question. The name Delphine was actually based on a games software company called Delphine Software. The enemies from their game 'Another World' were the main inspiration for the Delphinians, as was the planet.

[Reply #344 on:]

It’s not really relevant, but the name Delphinoid was used by Somtow Sucharitkul for a species similar in concept to Pilot in Farscape. If you know anyone who collects vintage sci-fi magazines, see if they’ve got Isaac Asimov’s Sci Fi Mag, August 1980. The story is titled ‘Light On The Sound’, and it’s worth a read. Both the text and the artwork are mildly erotic in places, but not offensive. Sorry for that bit of useless info.

To be on topic: everyone may hate Alesia, but a character has to be quite special to have such an effect on the readers. I join those that salute your work, Mr. White...

[Reply #345 on:]

Kif i asked you another question the other day, i don't think you saw it cause it's formatted a lot like the answer you gave me at the top of the page, it's right under Futurama_hil's first post of this page. I'm pretty curious to what your answer will be. 

[Reply #346 on:]

 

Originally posted by Venus:
Kif i asked you another question the other day, i don't think you saw it cause it's formatted a lot like the answer you gave me at the top of the page, it's right under Futurama_hil's first post of this page. I'm pretty curious to what your answer will be.

Sorry about that... there's a lot of questions in there, but I'll try my best to answer them. I assume you mean this one...

 

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why would she want him to feel remorse? remorse means deep regret. And how could any parent be expected to regret protecting the life of their child? I threatened to kick a guys ass for threatening a cat, and the cat wasn't even mine! I wouldn't regret taking down someone that hurt my children how can she expect anyone to? Especially her own dad. i can understand being regretful after that tournament thing earlier cause they were fighting creatures that didn't want to kill any more then they did, but open war with a creature thats hell bent on killing/enslaving you is a whole different matter. Not wanting to kill intelligent creatures is a noble thing in normal situations but as soon as that intelligent creature decides it wants to vaporize you, you're kinda obligated to do something in your own defense. What would she had done if the situation had been reversed and willow was about to be shot and she had enough time to respond? Would she just stand there and watch? Does she think it's better to let someone kill randomly rather then stopping them when she has the chance? She wouldn't have the blood of that particular delphinian on her hands but wouldn't she be indirectly responsible for every creature that delphinian killed after that moment? I understand she's a negative thinker and all but how would she have rather that situation went? What would have satisfied her? To have him act like he wished he could have taken it back? which would be the same as him saying that he wishes he had let her die. How would that be any better? Or would she never have been satisfied no matter how things had turned out? I wish Dr. Phil was here...

Her mind works in mysterious ways, and a lot of it is there for the reader to interpret their own way. However, I'll do my best to explain.

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She wasn't looking for him to regret saving her, she was looking for him to regret killing the creature. Both may seem like one and the same thing, but there's a fine line between them. The problem, like I said earlier, wasn't what he did, but how he did it. The way he slayed the creature then almost struck a heroic pose and seemed to have no problems with killing. This was a man who abhorred violence and taught her never to use it, but was suddenly acting as if he was a warrior all his life with no thoughts for the enemy he killed. This hit her hard.

Now, if the situation was reversed, she probably also would have killed the Delphinian (if she could) but she would have suddenly felt a deep guilt of it. The main difference is that her father felt the battle was wrong from the start, but he didn't let it show on the outside, and once it was underway, he knew that there wasn't much he could do about it. It took Alesia a little longer to realise this, though her fragility still meant she showed signs of bother.

The scenes of violence had of course clouded her judgement and affected her mind, so she couldn't really see the logic in her father's actions. She didn't really think about the fact that he was saving her, only that he was killing without visible discomfort. She also didn't understand that he was hurting inside himself the whole time. If he had just emoted a little to SHOW this discomfort, she wouldn't have taken it so bad. And then there's that voice in the back of her mind that tells her "This is Leela's fault..." as well.

I hope that explains things a little... but, once again, feel free to ask more or challenge it 

[Reply #347 on:]

it makes more sense now. i still see it as being one in the same but i can kinda see where she's going with this. thanks for putting up with me 

[Reply #348 on:]

No problem. I enjoy answering questions in fact... it shows people are interested   

Though I feel a bit guilty, as it does tend to detract away from the topic of reviewing other's fanfiction. Though it probably doesn't warrant its own topic either...

[Reply #349 on:]

speaking of interesting, are we gonna get to see a little confrontation between Leela and Alesia? And before the guys start getting all excited, i meant a verbal confrontation.

[Reply #350 on:]

 

Originally posted by Venus:
speaking of interesting, are we gonna get to see a little confrontation between Leela and Alesia? And before the guys start getting all excited, i meant a verbal confrontation.

Funny you should mention that actually...

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Coming up quite soon (and when I say soon I mean chapter-wise, not time-wise... I won't be doing any writing for about three weeks (sorry)) will be an interesting moment where Leela and Alesia are alone and start talking... and Alesia poses the question to Leela: "Do you REALLY even love Fry?"

[Reply #351 on:]

Oh no, now you've just caused me to wait right here until that is out! 

I love the shippy parts! 

[Reply #352 on:]

three weeks, plus however long it takes you to actually write the chapter equals.....oh just kill me now.

[Reply #353 on:]

Ah, but after those three weeks, I'll have two and a half months of free writing time, meaning faster releases overall 

[Reply #354 on:]

 

Originally posted by Kif White:
Ah, but after those three weeks, I'll have two and a half months of free writing time, meaning faster releases overall   

That's great news Kif! I have been enjoying UoM greatly and look forward to more! Especially the Alesia-Leela 'discussions', I'll be interested to read your take on just what she feels for Fry after all. 

[Reply #355 on:]

The next chap of Delicious Surprise was posted tonight. Either Missy is really on a role or TLZ was lazy posting the chapter that came before, but in any case, awesome as always. It was more Bender centered then i had hoped, but hey, it can't all be Fry and Leela. And things are really starting to get interesting. Here's hoping the next chapter is this quick.

[Reply #356 on:]

Just read Flowers in the Window for absolutely no reason at all. It was great, up to the end... then it turned Disney on me.

Giving Grades, I'd say A-, because a little bit was off. It was extremely well written and I must congratulate Nasteve on that excellent piece of writing.

Now for the irk:

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Only thing that irked me: happy endings DO NOT get put right after 'oh god she's gonna die' scenes. It's not right. I'd have been all over this fic if she'd died and there was some tribute to her involving the flowers, maybe Fry taking one and snapping it in half or something... argh ranting. I'll just say I like sad endings better, more crying and emotion.

EDIT: Sad endings = real life. The end was unreal, almost... a miracle (doy).

[Reply #357 on:]

i like Flowers in the Window just the way it is, although like AF says, sad endings are generally more powerful. And was i the only one that does not understand the names of the chapters?

[Reply #358 on:]

The chapters had names?

*goes back to check*

Eh... look like references to lyrics or something.

[Reply #359 on:]

Lyrics to Travis's songs. Flowers In The Window is a song, or album, I think.  I know the writer is a big Travis fan.