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PEEL - The Futurama Message Board    Melllvar's Erotic Friend Fiction    Never is Falling: A Futurama fan fiction (not safe for work or good taste) « previous next »
Author Topic: Never is Falling: A Futurama fan fiction (not safe for work or good taste)  (Read 1746 times)
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Beamer

DOOP Secretary
*
« on: 05-27-2014 07:01 »
« Last Edit on: 03-02-2015 22:10 by TheMadCapper »

We open on a lone ball.

It sits there.

Nothing happens.

Smash cut to Zoidberg, sitting in the blowhole of a whale.

ZOIDBERG: It was quarter past zen, when upon the brow of a happening Whib...

Darkness.

Click. Click. Click.

Peter Sarmonda appears in a hot air balloon, whisking a batter of sorts. He slops it from the GREEN BOWL into Zoidberg's happy, snappy mouthhole.

PETER SARMONDA: I have been born. You have not.

ZOIDBERG: Where am I?

PETER SARMONDA: The year is 1446.

ZOIDBERG: Then I'm lost!

PETER SARMONDA: You have never been.

Zoidberg proceeds to pull an hourglass out from his coat pocket. He pulls up a nearby table and puts it upside down.

The sand falls out.

One.

Grain.

At.

A.

Time.

Eventually, the hourglass runs out. A flash is seen upon the last grain of sand hitting the bottom.

LEELA (voice-over): Zoidberg? My hubby, where are you?

FRY (voice-over): I love you, Mr. Zoidberg.

ZOIDBERG: Who is saying that?

The grim reaper is saying that.

We cut to the stark, baron land of Mercury. A single daffodil falls from the sky, onto the ground, where it is stomped by the foot of forever unknowing.

A naked man climbs out from the dirt.

It is Professor Farnsworth, aged 34.

FARNSWORTH: This is a call for blood.

Another Farnsworth climbs out from the dirt. Equally naked, aged 160.

FARNSWORTH: Whatever do you mean, upon the brow of a happening Whib?

FARNSWORTH: Love is golden.

FARNSWORTH: It is an unfortunate shame that I do not love you, then.

FARNSWORTH: Or do I?

The two incarnations of Professor Farnsworth embrace, and begin to kiss passionately. They run their hands across one another's bald heads, with the young incarnation of farnsworth stroking his fingers down the old Farnsworth's wrinkly, decrepit body, poking his index finger in his anal cavity and wiggling it around like a worm.

FARNSWORTH: Oh my.

Darkness happens.

Not a sound is heard.

FRY (voice-over): My Farnsworths? Can you hear me?

LEELA (voice-over): I love you.

We fade to a swarming container of eels.

It sweats profusely.

Smash cut to a close-up of Hermes' navel.

HERMES: Dwight, my sonny boy! Come look at this!

We zoom out to reveal that Hermes is standing in a cemetery with his pants down.

HERMES: Dwight! Answer your father when he speaketh to thou!

The tombstone directly in front of Hermes reads "Dwight: Son."

Dwight walks up to Hermes.

DWIGHT: I'm gone, father.

HERMES: No you're not, son.

DWIGHT: I am. Accept it and move on.

HERMES: Not without a fight.

Not.

Without.

A.

Fight.

Hermes sets a pendulum down on Dwight's tombstone and proceeds to defecate on the ground of his son's grave.

We zoom into his excrement, to see the same hourglass Zoidberg had earlier.

Hermes looks up at a figure in the distance.

Hermes blinks.

HERMES: ... Zoidberg?

TO BE CONTINUED.
totalnerduk

DOOP Ubersecretary
**
« Reply #1 on: 05-27-2014 18:54 »

Absurdity and shock imagery for its own sake is not art, is not commendable, and is not meaningful. Even if it could be interpreted as some form of far-removed commentary on some state of the present age, there would need to be literally no other way to make such commentary for this to be considered a valid expression of it.

It is gibberish. It is pretentious drivel. It is howling nonsense. It is to be condemned.

That is why I disliked this fanfiction. This may well be acceptable to the author, in the event that a strong reaction of any sort is more pleasing to them than none at all, which is one good reason to offer this commentary rather than remain silent.
Beamer

DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #2 on: 05-28-2014 06:38 »

We cut to Hermes and Zoidberg sipping tea together at a tiny desk on the base of a volcano.

HERMES: Zoidberg... Were not you disappeared?

ZOIDBERG: It was the hourglass, my comrade. The hourglass transported me here!

Zoidberg puts the hourglass down on the desk. It is now empty.

Not.

One.

Grain.

Of.

Sand.

Remains.

HERMES: You've... TRAVELLED? How?

ZOIDBERG: Hourglass.

Hermes gets up and steps slowly into a spotlight.

HERMES: Perhaps I can harness the hourglass's powers to revive my dear late son, Dwight...

ZOIDBERG: But Hermes, my friend, the hourglass is empty.

HERMES: Then we needeth the Professor!

Erica Gunderson emerges from a nearby shrub.

ERICA GUNDERSON: I know somebody who can help.

We cut to a library, wherein Mom and Larry are reading a book, simply titled "ART!"

LARRY: According to this book, certain forms of self-expression are art, while others are not.

Mom pauses.

Mom proceeds to tear the page in question out from the book.

Mom eats the page.

LARRY: Mother, from upon the brow of a happening Whib, whatever are you doing?

MOM: I am turning that statement into poo.

LARRY: Good.

Hermes and Zoidberg emerge, having crawled out from a nearby snake-hole.

HERMES: Mom! You must take us to the Professor.

ZOIDBERG: At once.

Zoidberg.

Slowly.

Eats.

A.

Peach.

LARRY: My dear, sweet mother cannot help you, my children. For the Professor has also travelled through the vortex. He, too, is trapped in a time and a space most confounding and disruptable to the human spirit...

During this line, we fade into an image of the young Professor and the old Professor, still in the dirt together. The young Professor grabs the old Professor's floppy and tugs at it vigorously until little beads of blood begin to sweat from the tip.

We cut back to the library interior.

ZOIDBERG: At once.

MOM: This is correct.

HERMES: frown

MOM: Along with...

FRY (voice-over): Hello??? Hello, can anybody hear us?

LEELA (voice-over): Tell them I love them.

LARRY: Did you hear that?!

MOM: Yes... This means we have work to do.

TO BE CONTINUED.
Cudry

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #3 on: 05-28-2014 14:33 »

Pretty good, though maybe you could work on the sense-makking. Still, pretty good. smile
Beamer

DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #4 on: 06-09-2014 07:06 »

We fade back into a shot of the same ball from earlier, now bouncing down a set of stairs. The camera rotates 180 degrees to reveal it is actually bouncing up a set of stairs.

Children scream.

So.

Fucking.

Loud.

Smash cut to Amy, standing stark naked before a crowd of SCREAMING PEPPERMEN. She flounders over to the bar, where Ruggerstrom McKaleney is serving up human fingers.

RUGGERSTROM MCKALENEY: I have much to learn from you.

AMY: Yes, indeed.

Amy walks away, into the shadows, where she is grabbed by a sea of hands that pull her into the distant unknown.

We cut back Mom, Hermes and Zoidberg, sitting at a playground at three separate ends of a triangular see-saw.

MOM: For this to work, we must create our own vortex.

ZOIDBERG: I have already lived for a thousand years.

MOM: And now, you shall live through seven more.

We see Larry, Walt and Igner, standing naked in their own triangle atop a slide.

HERMES: Come on, boys! You have to make contact!

LARRY: I am scared.

IGNER: As am I, here upon the brow of a happening Whib...

WALT: I'm not.

Walt tilts his pelvis inwards, touching penises with his two brothers. The sky begins to twirl around them, like a moonlit carousel in the middle of a storm.

The.

Clouds.

Open.

Up.

HERMES: THE LIGHT.

ZOIDBERG: IT IS BEAUTIFUL.

MOM: We have little time...

The light envelops Hermes, Zoidberg and Mom, as her three sons' once vital, life-filled bodies turn to dust and fall in a pit upon the sand, now indistinguishable from its stark, dirty surroundings.

LEELA (voice-over): Fry? Did you hear that?

FRY (voice-over): Was it someone I loved?

LEELA (voice-over): Better.

...

They're home.

TO BE CONTINUED.
Freako

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #5 on: 06-09-2014 11:24 »

Love it.
Lyra405

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #6 on: 06-09-2014 12:06 »

*Quietly considers drawing fanart*
Beamer

DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #7 on: 06-23-2014 04:52 »

We star-wipe into Hattie, sitting at a bucket.

Of.

The.

Great.

Unknown.

Her left tit is hanging out of its girdle; Hattie's dress. Amy approaches, still naked.

AMY: Hello mother.

HATTIE: Who told you?

AMY: I have always known.

Hattie winks at Amy.

AMY: Let us embrace.

The two wrap arms and proceed to hug in a maternal manner. Hattie's loose tit crawls around to pat Amy on the back. They then gaze forlorn into one another's eyes as the lights turn to silver and then to pug.

HATTIE: I must take you to the aquaritorium at once.

Must she?

We then fade into the two Professors, still in the dirt. The old Professor has just finished pleasuring the young Professor with his mouth. He spits out the residue onto the young Professor's glasses.

FARNSWORTH: Oh my. I cannot see.

FARNSWORTH: Nor can I.

FARNSWORTH: Then you have never lived. Follow me.

The two Professors proceed to burrow down into the hot, wet dirt.

Forever.

Smash cut to Mom's three sons at the playground, confused.

LARRY: Where's Mommy?

WALT: Where's Mommy?

IGNER: I'm Mommy.

Larry and Walt look at Igner.

LARRY: No you're not.

WALT: No you're not.

IGNER: No I'm not.

We then enter the bright light. Hermes, Zoidberg and Mom have arrived in World War Two. Circa Hitler's basement.

MOM: Fuck.

ZOIDBERG: We couldn't determine the portal's angular terror correctly!

HERMES: Now we must pay the consequences.

Hermes places a golf ball down on the floor and swings at the ball.

He.

Hits.

It.

The ball flies away.

MOM: At least these moments are cherishable and bountiful.

ZOIDBERG: I disagree.

Suddenly, Peppercorn McRally enters the room.

PEPPERCORN MCRALLY: Privates! Follow me. You three have a letter letter to deliver.

TO BE CONTINUED.
Mr Snrub

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #8 on: 06-24-2014 00:04 »

Should have called this "Normal Futurama for Normal People."
Beamer

DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #9 on: 06-27-2014 07:21 »

Darkness abounds.

Nothing.

But.

Darkness.

We hear footsteps. The sound of some plankton, scratching abundantly at an empty mirror.

FRY (voice-over): Where are our friends?

LEELA (voice-over): I don't know. I thought I heard them... They must have gotten lost in the transfer.

FRY (voice-over): I love them so much.

LEELA (voice-over): As do I. I hope they know that.

FRY (voice-over): I hope they know how much I love them.

LEELA (voice-over): We have no choice but to keep waiting.

Suddenly, a shadowy figure enters the dark room. We zoom out, to reveal Fry and Leela as disemboweled brains, suspended by strings over a fish tank full of sting rays.

FRY (voice-over): Is it our friends?

LEELA (voice-over): I love them so much.

The figure steps into the light, revealing itself.

DWIGHT: No. It is I.

Gasp.

Gasp.

Gasp.

THE AUDIENCE GASPS.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSS PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP.

FRY (voice-over): ... I love you.

We fade back into the two Professors, who have reached a cavernous cavern, as ugly as the night and as sharp as the cold winter snow and as cold as an oxen's collective throbbing guilt.

FARNSWORTH: Where are we, Farnsworth?

FARNSWORTH: We are here, Farnsworth.

Farnsworth grabs the door handle - a jar of milk.

They.

Churn.

Together.

FARNSWORTH: What is this place?

FARNSWORTH: It is where we are.

The camera tilts up, to reveal the interior of an atom. The walls are decorated with fourty six whips, nine chains, twenty two bows, twenty three arrows, some cheese, a playing card, twelve gimp suits, a melted candle and seventeen fresh human turds.

IT'S THE DUNGEON.

FARNSWORTH: IT'S THE DUNGEON.

FARNSWORTH: Yes... My. My deep, dark secret has been discovered!

FARNSWORTH: I like it.

FARNSWORTH: Oh, as do I.

FARNSWORTH: This used to be a bomb shelter, you know.

FARNSWORTH: I did not.

FARNSWORTH: Let us continue our anal coitus.

FARNSWORTH: At once.

Meanwhile, Zoidberg, Hermes and Mom are walking around the inside of a revolving door in a non-stop circle. Mom gives birth and discards the birthing.

MOM: I do not need this.

ZOIDBERG: Good.

HERMES: Good.

MOM: Now where are we?

We zoom out, to reveal that the three have found their way out of that revolving door, and are now walking in circles inside another revolving door.

Trerry Rezinktrare enters, holding the head of a Jewish.

TRERRY REZINKTRARE: From upon the brow of a happening Whib... Your letter awaits!

We cut back to Hermes, Zoidberg and Mom, who have shat over every inch of their encapsulating surroundings; the third revolving door.

But.

They.

Are.

Nowhere.

To.

Be.

Found.

TO BE CONTINUED.
Beamer

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #10 on: 06-28-2014 15:32 »

We transition swimmingly into the next shot, which is a lion, sitting on a rock. It is asleep. The camera lingers on the lion for exactly 1 hour and 48.15 seconds, until an object rolls past it.

It is the ball from earlier (and also earlier before that).

But the lion does not notice.

Because.

It's.

Asleep.

We remain on the lion for another 3 minutes, before cutting to Dwight at the fish tank, alongside the brains of Fry and Leela.

DWIGHT: When are they going to get here?

A VOICE: We are here.

Dwight looks up, in order to identify the voice.

It's Hattie.

HATTIE: And I brought someone.

Hattie gestures towards the sphincter-tinged doorway, wherein the nude silhouette of Amy can be seen taking a dump.

HATTIE: Finish up, Amy.

AMY: No.

FRY (voice-over): Who is that? Is it someone I love?

LEELA (voice-over): It's Amy.

FRY (voice-over): Tell her I love her.

LEELA (voice-over): Likewise.

Amy wipes her stinkhole with her right hand, which she then rubs through Hattie's long, luxurious hair.

HATTIE: That's not for me.

AMY: No, it was for me.

HATTIE: Good daughter.

AMY: Thank you.

DWIGHT: So...

What.

Is.

The.

PLAAAAANNNNN?!!!!

Amy goes to speak. We cut to a wartorn museum in Germany, 1942. Oscar McLuply enters, holding a bag of piping hot excrement. He walks up to a shadowy figure, staring out over the window. We cannot see any features. The window is a bear.

OSCAR MCLUPLY: Sir, we found this in the revolving doors wherein the fugitives had disappeared when upon the brow of a happening Whib...

The figure turns around. It is Zapp Brannigan, wearing a nazi uniform.

ZAPP: Bring me the fugitives!

OSCAR MCLUPLY: But sir, they've disappeared!

Zapp's clothes fall off.

ZAPP: Then the prophecy is true...

There are...

Others.

Just like ME.

We heart wipe in on a deserted ocean, circa 4088 A.D. The ocean contains a single small piece of wood, roughly the size of Jamaica. A flash of light happens. Zoidberg, Hermes and Mom are now occupying the wood.

HERMES: Where are we now?

MOM: Uh-oh.

ZOIDBERG: Why uh-oh?

MOM: The space time continuum is off its axis. We're being thrown about time willy-nilly, like an oven looking for its young.

HERMES: Does it find its young?

MOM: NO.

Gasps occur.

Then the light flashes AGAIN.

TO BE CONTINUED.
Beamer

DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #11 on: 07-09-2014 08:33 »

Hermes, Mom and Zoidberg awake in a cavern. The year? CAVEMAN TIMES.

HERMES: Uh-oh. We're in CAVEMAN TIMES.

ZOIDBERG: This does not bode well.

MOM: I am dry.

HERMES: As am I.

Mom and Hermes engage in a sombre, emotionless hug. It lasts for a period of time and then dissipates, like ants cooling on the wind before being blown into oblivion. Zoidberg waxes vacant.

ZOIDBERG: When will we be at our destination?

MOM: I suppose... When time decides it is...

HERMES: Time?

MOM: Yes. That is what I was going to say.

HERMES: Then I said it.

MOM: Very good.

HERMES: I concur.

Zoidberg waxes vacant.

ZOIDBERG: Shall we explore and find food?

MOM: Yes.

HERMES: I was just about to say that.

MOM: I beat you to it.

Zoidberg waxes vacant.

ZOIDBERG: Okay, I shall hunt first.

Zoidberg leaves.

Meanwhile, the two Professors are engaged in sodomy. The young Professor thrusts his erect willy in and out of the young Professor's tight, supple rectum. They moan in unison. The young professor withdraws his willy and little fleckles of turds exit with it, being flung in all directions with the fast motion.

The.

Young.

Professor.

Ejaculates.

Everywhere.

FARNSWORTH: Oh my.

FARNSWORTH: Yes.

FARNSWORTH: But now that that's out of the way, we must get down to business.

FARNSWORTH: This does not bode well.

FARNSWORTH: Perhaps it does. For you see, we've found a sanctuary. How long have we been doing this now?

FARNSWORTH: Several hours.

FARNSWORTH: And still not ONE time jump.

FARNSWORTH: Oh my.

FARNSWORTH: So, I suppose this means...

FARNSWORTH: In order to preserve the space time continuum...

FARNSWORTH: We must...

The two Professors stop dead in their tracks and stare longingly into one another's eyes. After a few moments of silence, they passionately embrace and enter into another session of romantic love, narrowly scaring off another enveloping light.

Parnumble Bri Bri enters.

PARNUMBLE BRI BRI: More towels, Professor?

FARNSWORTH: YES!

FARNSWORTH: MANY MORE!!!

Parnumble Bri Bri sighs and heads to the linen cavity.

We cut back to Amy, Hattie and Dwight alongside the brains of Fry and Leela in the dark room with the aquarium.

DWIGHT: That is a ridiculous plan!

AMY: But if we don't somehow meld, time itself will collapse upon us!

HATTIE: I agree. Come inside, daughter.

Hattie unhinges her jaw, causing her mouth to open up into the size of a hollowed out Mercedes. A giant ray of light shoots out. Amy climbs inside, and Hattie swallows her whole.

FRY (voice-over): Mother and daughter, together at last.

LEELA (voice-over): I'm so happy they love each other.

FRY (voice-over): As am I.

LEELA (voice-over): I love you.

FRY (voice-over): As do I.

HATTIE: BUT I DO NOT.

Gasping occurs.

HATTIE: For you see, Amy has been misled. I AM NOT HER MOTHER.

More gasping occurs.

HATTIE: But we ARE one now, from upon the brow of a happening Whib. And I'm taking the boy!

Hattie grabs Dwight and runs behind a nearby curtain. The brains are powerless to stop them. But then... Somebody enters the room.

VOICE: STOP RIGHT THERE! YOU SHALL *NOT* GET AWAY WITH THIS!!!

EVEN MORE GASPING OCCURS.

LEELA (voice-over): Who is it, Fry? Is it somebody I love?

FRY (voice-over): It's...

TO BE CONTINUED.
Quantum Neutrino Field

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #12 on: 07-13-2014 00:10 »

Is the cliffhanger necessary with this?

Considering how stupidly absurd this is, it's the funniest fan-fiction I've read (apart from Professor action). Plus it's the only one I've read.
Beamer

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« Reply #13 on: 07-13-2014 15:19 »

ZAPP: ... Zapp Brannigan!

LEELA (voice-over): ... Zapp Brannigan.

FRY (voice-over): I love him.

LEELA (voice-over): So do I. I hope he is aware of this.

ZAPP: I AM NOT!

Zapp and the two brains turn around, to discover that Hattie has escaped with Dwight.

ZAPP: Now we need to concoct a plan.

FRY (voice-over): I love him.

We cut to a small child, sitting in an abandoned dilapidated park. The ball from earlier rises from the sand. The child looks at it.

They.

Make.

Eye.

Contact.

Meanwhile, Hermes and Mom are sitting in a cave together. Zoidberg has been gone for 892 seconds.

HERMES: Zoidberg has been gone for 892 seconds.

MOM: Yes.

HERMES: He is not coming back.

MOM: We must start a new society, then.

Hermes and Mom gaze into one another's eyes. First lovingly, then not. Their arms interlock around each other's legs. They begin to kiss.

Really.

Hard.

HERMES: Kiss me again, Mommy.

MOM: Okay, Hermes.

Mom kisses Hermes, and Hermes then proceeds to undress her. He picks up her wrinkly, deformed body and lays it down on a nearby skunk. He separates her legs and begins licking violently at her genitalia. Lasers shoot out of Mom's spine. Meanwhile, Zoidberg is hunting.

ZOIDBERG: I am hunting.

Zoidberg finishes hunting.

ZOIDBERG: Now I have finished hunting.

Zoidberg returns to the cave with the carcus of a walrus, only to discover Hermes and Mom fornicating on a pile of dead skunks.

ZOIDBERG: May I join in?

MOM: Yes. Come, Zoidberg.

Zoidberg drops the walrus, strips his shell and runs over to his two comrades, joining in on their sexual antics of a sexual nature. Cherry McAlenstein enters the  cave.

CHERRY MCALENSTEIN: May I also join in?

HERMES: I am afraid not, m'am. There is only room for three.

Cherry McAlenstein's head sinks down to her hips and she exits the world accordingly. We cross-fade to the same location at a much later time, when the three are enjoying post-coitus chilli.

HERMES: This is good chilli.

MOM: It is. But... Now I have fallen pregnant.

ZOIDBERG: Oh no. Whomever is the father?

MOM: It is Hermes.

HERMES: Oh goody. Maybe this time I shall have a girl.

Mom clenches her hips and shoots out a baby Dwight from her stink canal.

DWIGHT: I am a baby.

HERMES: OH, MOM IS YOUR REAL MOM.

DWIGHT: I enjoy taxation.

ZOIDBERG: You two are definitely related.

The four of them enjoy a good laugh, only for another flash of light to occur.

TO BE CONTINUED AND YES THESE CLIFFHANGERS ARE NECESSARY.
Mr Snrub

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #14 on: 07-13-2014 23:56 »

I think this story is getting rather shallow and pedantic. It insists upon itself.
TheMadCapper

Fluffy
UberMod
DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #15 on: 07-15-2014 05:52 »

I think this story is getting rather shallow and pedantic. It insists upon itself.

Like an oven searching for its young.
Beamer

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #16 on: 07-30-2014 09:37 »

Zapp and the brains of Fry and Leela are all sitting in a basement, drawing spirographs.

ZAPP: The plan is complete.

FRY (voice-over): I love it when plans are complete.

LEELA (voice-over): Is there a plan complete?

FRY (voice-over): Yes, Leela.

LEELA (voice-over): Tell it I love it.

ZAPP: We will snatch Dwight back now.

Zapp picks up the brains and the three transform into an ox. The ox speaks with the voice of Mackenzie Rosman.

OX (in the voice of Mackenzie Rosman): There he is!

The ox runs over to Dwight, who has been abandoned in a puddle by Hattie.

OX (in the voice of Mackenzie Rosman): Did the ox touch you?

DWIGHT: I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

Suddenly, Jessyie Wernorum enters the basement from a small pipe.

JESSYIE WERNORUM: I think this whole situation is getting rather shallow and pedantic. It insists upon itself.

Dwight picks up Jessyie Wernorum by his awful socks and flushes him down the toilet, turning him into toilet juice.

DWIGHT: Now he lives where poo lives.

OX (in the voice of Mackenzie Rosman): And he himself is turds.

DWIGHT: Yes.

OX (in the voice of Mackenzie Rosman): Let's go home.

As Dwight rides the ox into the sunset, we fade in to the two Professor Farnsworths, enjoying some post-coitus coitus in the shower.

FARNSWORTH: Oh my...

FARNSWORTH: Let go of me.

FARNSWORTH: What?

Farnsworth takes his mouldy old fuckstick out of Farnsworth's soggy, bleeding rectum and thrusts himself about violently until the blood has dried into much crispier blood. He kisses the other one on the shoulder, then exits the shower.

FARNSWORTH: Wait! If we stop making love, time as we know it will cease!

FARNSWORTH: I no longer care. Goodbye forever.

Suddenly, the entire universe begins to rumble.

Just.

Like.

Christmas.

Farnsworth's face shoots off into little beams of light that hate you, and also there is a bubble and it fucking hates you too, you asshole. THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE ENDS THERE.

Meanwhile, Hermes, Mom, Zoidberg and Baby Dwight awake now in a private aircar atop the Eiffel Tower. They are dressed like The Aristocats.

HERMES: That was a big flash... It must have knocked us out cold.

ZOIDBERG: Indeed.

MOM: I disagree.

BABY DWIGHT: But whatever could have caused such a colonic rupture?

The four of them turn to their left, where a middle-aged Farnsworth is sitting.

ZOIDBERG, HERMES & MOM: PROFESSOR FARNSWORTH!!!

ZOIDBERG: Are you here to get us out of this time pickle?

Farnsworth looks back.

He.

Stares.

Blankly.

He then produces a ball. THE ball.

FARNSWORTH: ... Who are you!?!!!

TO BE CONTINUED.
Beamer

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #17 on: 08-13-2014 04:13 »

HERMES: Oh my. It appears Farnsworth's memories are no more.

ZOIDBERG: Oh my.

FARNSWORTH: How did I get here?

MOM: It was the TIME.

FARNSWORTH: Oh, okay. I remember now.

ZOIDBERG: That is good.

HERMES: Oh my.

Meanwhile, Zapp awakens in the dungeon, wherein the two incarnations of Farnsworth had previously engaged in loving intercourse. Fry and Leela's brains are nowhere to be seen.

ZAPP: This does not bode well.

Zapp opens a nearby draw, but is then approached by Willie Garbington.

WILLIE GARBINGTON: You do not belong here, Mr. Brannigan.

ZAPP: Thank you, Willie.

WILLIE GARBINGTON: This will help you get home.

Willie Garbington hands Zapp the ball.

Nothing.

Happens.

We fade into outer space. Scruffy floats past the screen. His head is ENORMOUS.

SCRUFFY: My head is ENORMOUS.

Scruffy looks in his pocket for some gum and a single pink pebble. He possesses neither, instead pulling out two dead brains.

SCRUFFY: This does not bode well.

Suddenly, a meteor happens, and Scruffy is sent hurtling in the direction of Mercury; Population: ONE.

TO BE CONTINUED.
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« Reply #18 on: 08-19-2014 09:41 »

We smash cut to a liquid fountain of BLOOD. It is located under the first bridge of Omicron Persei 4. Nobody is allowed to look at it.

The.

Ball.

Appears.

It looks at the fountain.

Suddenly, some of our characters transpire from nowhere: Zapp, Zoidberg, Farnsworth, Mom and Hermes.

HERMES: Where are we now?

ZAPP: Uh-oh.

ZOIDBERG: Where are we now?

The professor spots the ball in Zapp's hand.

FARNSWORTH: Mr. Zappy, did you touch that ball?

ZAPP: Uhhh...

MOM: From upon the brow of a happening Whib, he DID!

ZAPP: Ooooohh.

FARSNWORTH: Now Zapp controls the time skips!

ZAPP: Eh?

MOM: This does not bode well.

HENRIETTASON FLANCORBINGTONGLY: I disagree.

Zapp inserts the ball into his anus and clenches, squelching little pieces of fecal mother outwardly before running away with part of the ball still exposed, like the top of a baby's head when crowning. Everyone else mellowed while Zap squawked.

ZAPP: Og! Og!

Zapp closes his eyes and the characters all skip through time again.

Meanwhile, on Mercury (and also 300 years earlier), it was Scruffy's turn to shine.

In.

The.

Sun.

SCRUFFY: Boy howdy, that sun be hot, fellers. Uh-huh. Oh yeah.

Scruffy begins to dig.

SCRUFFY: I dun found it!

The camera tilts down to reveal the bones of the Professor. Scruffy picks them up, stuffs them down his pants.

SCRUFFY: Now I must return home.

VOICE: Or must you?

Scruffy turns around to find the rightful owner of the voice which had just penetrated his ears; thrusting vigorously until spraying its salty goods henceworth.

HATTIE: It is I.

SCRUFFY: Did ye'''' bring our daughter?

HATTIE: Yes.

Hattie lifts up her skirt and pulls down her underwear to queef out a fully-grown Amy, who is now covered in Star Babies.

This.

Will.

Not.

Be.

Mentioned.

Again.

AMY: Thank you, mother!

HATTIE: Meet father.

Amy looks up at Scruffy.

SCRUFFY: ... Eh?

AMY: Father?

SCRUFFY: Oh. Yes.

Suddenly, the ball actualises from the corner of Mercury. The top one. Hattie spots it, realising that soon, Zapp and his crew will also arrive.

HATTIE: RUUUNNNN!!!!!!!!

TO BE CONTINUED.
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« Reply #19 on: 08-25-2014 04:45 »

Scruffy stuffs Hattie and Amy into his left ear and bends down while winking. He does not run.

HATTIE: Run!

AMY: Run!

SCRUFFY: Run!

Scruffy begins to run, jumping off the edge of Mercury and landing on Mars.

PIPPLE TROMBONE: Welcome to Mars! May I take your ear?

SCRUFFY: NO.

Scruffy punches Pipple Trombone repeatedly in his ugly, flacid penis.

PIPPLE TROMBONE: Why, from upon the brow of a happening Whib, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

SCRUFFY: Getting revenge.

Scruffy bites Pipple Trombone's penis off and spits it onto the cold, hard Mars ground. He then pulls out a sledgehammer and smashes it repeatedly, until the ground is stained red with penis juice. Amy and Hattie then crawl out of his ear.

AMY: Thank you, father.

HATTIE: I agree.

SCRUFFY: I am not your father.

HATTIE: Oh?

Amy turns around to see Wong Ranch.

AMY: This is where my adoptive parents reside.

SCRUFFY: Then we have work to do...

Scruffy cocks his sledgehammer and the three begin to approach Wong Ranch.

Ever.

So.

Slowly.

Meanwhile, on Mercury, Zapp Zoidberg, Farnsworth, Mom and Hermes emanate from nothing. Zapp still has control of the ball.

FARNSWORTH: Oh my.

MOM: Where is Dwight?

HERMES: He must not be able to travel through time like us adults.

MOM: I hate children.

ZOIDBERG: As do I.

HERMES: I concur.

ZAPP: Jolly well, then. Look down at once!

Everybody obliges.

HERMES: Footprints?

ZAPP: No. Foot prints.

HERMES: My mistake.

MOM: Are these... Hattie's?

Gasping.

ZAPP: Yes.

Mom's glorious smile turns to menace within the blink of twenty eyes.

MOM: THEN THEY CANNOT BE FAR.

Zapp holds the ball over his head and turns to face the abyss of personal hell and nothingness.

ZAPP: Let us make haste.

HERMES: At once!

ZOIDBERG: At once!

MOM: At once!

ZAPP: At once!

TO BE CONTINUED.
winna

Avatar Czar
DOOP Ubersecretary
**
« Reply #20 on: 08-25-2014 09:27 »

I didn't read all of it, but the parts I did read were rather interesting. or entertaining... whichever.
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« Reply #21 on: 09-08-2014 09:05 »

We open in the middle of the Panacific Ocean. The ball is submerged in the icy cold tropics. Then suddenly, it is not. The ball floats henceforth until it has wrapped the entire ocean in its rubber, leathery tusk of being.

Suddenly.

A.

Dock.

Approaches.

The dock contains Harness the Icecream Vendor.

HARNESS THE ICECREAM VENDOR: Could it be?

Harness the Icecream Vendor jumps from the edge of the dock into the boiling hot ocean, which then proceeds to burn him into a jelly.

HARNESS THE ICECREAM VENDOR: I will not give up!!!

Harness the Icecream Vendor attaches several spleens to his person for flotation. He dives under the water and wraps his arms around the ball. The ball struggles.

"[Let me go," it thinks.

HARNESS THE ICECREAM VENDOR: NEVER!!!

Harness the Icecream Vendor looks into our respective mortal coils and begins to blink uncontrollably. The ball is saddened by this development. A new ice float emerges from the ruins. It contains Mayor Poopenmeyer.

MAYOR POOPENMEYER: I declare this place to be...

DEAD.

The ball has won.

Or has it?

Meanwhile on Mars, Scruffy, Amy and Hattie have arrived at Wong ranch. Leo and Inez have both been tied up to chairs.

SCRUFFY: Tell me who you are!

LEO: I am Leo Wong.

INEZ: I am Inez Wong.

HATTIE: Wrong answers. Give it to them, Scruffy!

AMY: Yes, father. Do it.

Scruffy pulls out a pair of pliers and proceeds to remove all of Inez's fingernails. He then glues one of Inez's nails onto each of Leo's nails.

SCRUFFY: Now you are FREAKS! Just like us. Our sick little twisted family...

AMY: Finish them off, father! I hate them now.

SCRUFFY: I keep telling you, I am not your father.

AMY: Oh?

SCRUFFY: I am your father.

Scruffy pulls out a blunderbuss and points it straight into Leo's eyeball.

HATTIE: Any final words before you die?

LEO: Go to heck, you fuck.

INGRID: My name isn't really Inez, you know.

LEO: I always knew.

Leo and Ingrid's mouths extend several inches from their bodies and tie together in a knot. Scruffy pulls the revolver's temple back and cocks the trigger in order to fire it forwwards.

Suddenly.

The.

Door.

Bursts.

Open.

Zapp, Mom, Farnsworth and Hermes enter the room. Also, Nibbler is with them now.

NIBBLER: Why, from upon the brow of a happening Whib, what are you DOINGdoingDOIIIIIINNNNNGGGG?!

SCRUFFY: Back off, brother. This is not your fight anymore.

NIBBLER: My dick it is!

Nibbler springs onto Scruffy's face and proceeds to claw out all of his insides. ALL OF THEM.

SCRUFFY: This is painful.

AMY: That looks painful.

HATTIE: Indeed.

Scruffy's dead body begins to fall to the floor at a very slow pace.

ZAPP: Yes, we did it!

MOM: Now that the Wongs are safe, we can begin to restore the balance to...

[/u]BANG![/u]

A gunshot sounds.

It was the shotgun, which had fallen onto the floor and auto-fired at the Wongs, blowing their heads off and killing them to death.

ZAPP: Oh NO!

HERMES: Oh NO!

MOM: Oh NO!

NIBBLER: Oh NO!

FARNSWORTH: Oh NO!

AMY: Yes! Now the fortune is MINE!!!

HATTIE: My dick it is!

Hattie grabs the fortune right out of Amy's hands and bunny hops to a nearby planet. Let's say... Jupiter.

TO BE CONTINUED.
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DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #22 on: 09-29-2014 08:52 »

We cut to the inside of a dark, dank incubation chamber. A faint, whale-like hum can be heard in the background and the foreground. There is no middle ground. The ceiling drips upwards. This continues for hours. Suddenly, a blinding flash of light fills the chamber, leaving behind brain residue which creeps together to form one giant brian.

LEELA (voice-over): What happened?

FRY (voice-over): Where are we, my love?

LEELA (voice-over): We are here.

FRY (voice-over): Oh. That's good. I love this place.

LEELA (voice-over): Me too. But it appears we are now the same entity.

FRY (voice-over): How can the consciousness of two occupy a single brain?

LEELA (voice-over): You'd be surprised what the professor is capable of.

FRY (voice-over): Who, Farnsworth?

LEELA (voice-over): No,

BANG!

The loud bang cuts off Leela's severed voice mid-sentence, and the chamber begins to rotate violently.

FRY (voice-over): Oh no! I love this the least!

LEELA (voice-over): Me too.

FRY (voice-over): I still love it, though.

LEELA (voice-over): Me too.

FRY (voice-over): We have to find ourrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrr way out... Pronto!!

Meanwhile, o]n Jupiter.

>

<

>

<

Hattie climbs out from a vent in the floor. She is still gripping the fortune erotically. The planet is red and icy and full of fire and liquid and water and there are no penguins, not a single one.

HATTIE: I should be safe here...

The camera tilts up, to reveal the structure of which Hattie is at the foot: The Farnsworths' dungeon.

It.

Says.

Nothing.

Hattie removes a brick from the building and the doors proceed to open loudly, with the undetermined mass of a much more abominable self.

HATTIE: Hello? Is anyone here?

CARDY TUMPLEBUG: I am not.

HATTIE: That is good.

Hattie enters the dungeon, locks the door behind her and travels - with the dungeon - to another spectrum completely.

We zoom out to reveal Amy, Zapp, Hermes, Mom, Nibbler and Farnsworth watching the entire structure disappear into thin air.

FARNSWORTH: Oh NO!

ZAPP: Oh NO!

HERMES: Oh NO!

MOM: Oh NO!

NIBBLER: Oh NO!

FARNSWORTH: That dungeon was the only thing immune to the space time continuum's evil, relentless grasp!

AMY: Why, whatever do you mean, from upon the brow of a happening Whib?!

FARNSWORTH: Alright, my children. Gather around and I shall tell you a story. It is my darkest, most tragic and comely secret.

Farnsworth drops his trousers, exposing his old man penis. It is shriveled and unattractive and his testes sag to the floor like a mutilated summer ham. His urinary hole winks erratically, confused and dismayed at its existence. Everyone who is watching applauds solemnly.

FARNSWORTH: Now that we've dispensed with the formalities, it is time I told you all the reason why this is happening...

MOM: No. Just tell us what we need to do next.

AMY: Thank you, mother.

MOM: We are all each other's children when you think about it.

Amy and Mom hug. It lasts an amount of time, then proceedings resume as per the autumn's mist and what it may decry.

ZOIDBERG: Surely there must be a way to reach the dungeon again?

FARNSWORTH: If the dungeon does not exist in any given time, then neither does the key to time travel.

ZAPP: You mean the ball?

Farnsworth turns slowly around to Zapp, his hands on his sweaty face. He is shocked. Appalled, even. Definitely untarnished.

FARNSWORTH: You've heard of it?

ZOIDBERG: We have met it!

NIBBLER: I made it.

FARNSWORTH: No you did not.

NIBBLER: This is true. I was playing a funny joke on all of you.

FARNSWORTH: Oh Nibbler, you are such the jester.

NIBBLER: Thank you. Goodbye.

Nibbler burrows into the rock hard sandy ice below and disappears until further notice.

HERMES: So is it possible the ball remains in our current time?

A flash of light appears throughout the sky, engulfs our heroes and transports them to Omicron Persei 8, circa 2993.

FARNSWORTH: I would say yes.

LRRR (unseen from a great distance): Who is that?! Did I hear somebody or somebodies travel here from another timeline?!

AMY: Oh no! The tyrannical leader of Omicron Persei 8, Lrrr the Great!

HERMES: We have to...

H
I
I
I
I
I
D
E
!
!
!


Farnsworth, Hermes, Amy, Mom and Zapp proceed to shuffle violently to the east, while Lrrr and his minions approach from the left. Lrrr sniffs the air.

With.

His.

Nose.

LRRR: They're still fresh.

LRRR'S SERVANT: Shall I release the bloodhound, sire?

LRRR: Yes. AND HIS BALL.

Lrrr's servant produces a cage, inside which is none other than Mayor Poopenmeyer. He is holding the ball between his teeth and has dislocated his jaw to fit the majority of the spherical object inside the entrance of pure devourment which is THE ABYSS of his m o u t h, etc.

And then the ball pops.

TO BE CONTINUED.
JoshTheater

Space Pope
****
« Reply #23 on: 10-02-2014 02:28 »

Is this just what you do during your bimonthly acid trip?
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« Reply #24 on: 10-15-2014 09:38 »

Haroldy Juiceface Jr. steps up to the popped remains of the ball. He pulls out a monocle and examines it in a lustful fashion.

HAROLDY JUICEFACE JR.: It has popped.

Haroldy Juiceface Jr. looks around, only to see that Farnsworth, Hermes, Amy, Mom and Zapp, Lrrr and Mayor Poopenmeyer have all disappeared. All that's left is Lrrr's servant.

LRRR'S SERVANT: I'm still alive!

HAROLDY JUICEFACE JR.: Who said that? Oh no... Was it... Me?

LRRR'S SERVANT: Yes. It turns out we're the same person.

HAROLDY JUICEFACE JR.: Oh, golly. What a twist!

Meanwhile, in the neutral zone, which is a white abyss of eternal nothingness:

AMY: Where are we?

FARNSWORTH: The neutral zone.

AMY: It looks like a white abyss of eternal nothingness.

FARNSWORTH: Very observant, Amy. You shall be my wife one day. Or perhaps my niece.

MAYOR POOPENMEYER: I agree.

LRRR: I disagree.

Lrrr eats Mayor Poopenmeyer to death, thus killing him forever.

LRRR: Now I am going to eat you fellows, too.

Farnsworth, Hermes, Amy, Mom and Zapp all scream.

ZAPP: I am too industrial to die alone in a glassed over eyeball of this magnitude upon the dipping of a million wax figurines finding themselves torn, ripped and shredded apart by the wreath of a hostile, hospitalised husk of human handwiches and hubris, licking apart at the ugly old blood bottoms which do not love, hate or invest any time into the knowings and unknowings of a million burnt, swollen, sullied words that have yet to label themselves according to the manifest of our collective consciousness, forcing us all to pick at them with forks and pick-axes while our eyelashes melt according to the temperature of the forlorn and burnt, both sunburnt and otherwise, while we all wonder and ponder in fear as to the penguin that beckons itself upon us all into a million, billion, trillion PROBLEMS, Mitch?!

HERMES: Why, whatever do you mean, from upon the brow of a happening Whib?!

Zapp's head cracks open and his brain floats out of it, up to the sky where it explodes into 9 fireworks: Red, yellow, orange, red, red, green and blue. Also, purple and red.

MOM: Oh, good.

FARNSWORTH: Oh dabbles, where is Mr. Zoidberg?!

The camera begins to twirl at a rate which can not be measured by humans. We then find ourselves inside the dark, dank incubation chamber where the big brain possessing the collective consciousness of Fry and Leela resided.

FRY (voice-over): I love me.

LEELA (voice-over): I love me, too.

Love.

Is.

In.

The.

Air.

ZOIDBERG (voice-over): As do I?!

FRY (voice-over): Mr. Zoidberg?! You're in this brain too?

ZOIDBERG (voice-over): No. I am here.

The camera pans over to the right by one inch, where Zoidberg stands, stroking a peach.

LEELA (voice-over): How did you end up here?!

FRY (voice-over): Tell him I love him, me.

LEELA (voice-over): Not now, me. Mr. Zoidberg - weren't you with the other fellows, trying to save the universe?

ZOIDBERG: Yes. But I fell down an ice hole and now I am here.

FRY (voice-over): Wait a minutes... Huh?????

LEELA (voice-over): This means...

THERE.

IS.

AN.

ENTRANCE!!!

FRY (voice-over): Oh.

TO BE CONTINUED.
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DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #25 on: 11-03-2014 04:33 »

Ryanelle McOstrichson walks into a dark room. There is no light.

There.

Is.

Only.

Dark.

RYANELLE MCOSTRICHSON: Why am I here?

Ryanelle McOstrichson begins to cry profusely. Tears stream down his and/or her face. They disperse accordingly in the earth's tense atmosphere, dropping henceforth onto the floor in puddles of forever unknowing.

Oxygen.

Oxygen.

OXYGEN!!!

RYANELLE MCOSTRICHSON: This is not where I want to be, sonny.

Ryanelle McOstrichson falls to the floor, tears streaming down his and/or her face. The face of Ryanelle McOstrichson is so wet, it is more liquid than face.

RYANELLE MCOSTRICHSON: WHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!!!?!?!!!!!

Ryanelle McOstrichson begins pounding his and/or her fists on the ground, which causes an avalanche of immeasurable proportions. 4, maybe?

1.

2.

3.

4.

Yes, it was 4.

RYANELLE MCOSTRICHSON: Oh, good.

Thank you, Ryanelle.

RYANELLE MCOSTRICHSON: No, thank you.

Ryanelle McOstrichson turns into a broom and disintegrates into a pocket of dust and feces accordingly.

TO BE CONTINUED.
Beamer

DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #26 on: 12-15-2014 09:28 »

We zoom into a nearby tree, which Farnsworth, Hermes, Amy and Mom have carved their way out of, from the white nothingness that occupied the innards of the aforementioned tree's eternal foreverington nevermind.

AMY: We are out.

MOM: This is good, my son.

FARNSWORTH: How long were we in there for, anyway? Two months?

HERMES: Yes.

FARNSWORTH: Oh.

HERMES: But now we are here. And now we can dance.

Hermes interlocks his insipid putrid fingers with those of Mr. Farnsworth and proceeds to sway him back and forth on the branch. They dance. They romance. They are forever, they are nothing and it is glorious. One dancer slips upon the ostrich of the tree's mould-induced head. Capriciosa on mine, please. The unnerved endings rise up.

FARNSWORTH: That was wonderful.

MOM: There is no more time for wonder. This tree is collapsing.

Farnsworth, Hermes, Amy and Mom all look downforth. Their eyeballs confirm - via sight - that the tree is, indeed, collapsing.

FARNSWORTH: Oh no.

HERMES: Oh no.

AMY: Oh no.

MOM: Oh no.

The tree slowly begins to sink into a pit of cats. UGLY ONES. Nobody wants any part in it, and so they all withdraw bows from their ponkets and place them onto their silly, flappy hair-dos.'

THE.

BOWS.

HOLD.

But what am I?

Meanwhile, inside the incubation chamber occupied by the brain which has absorbed the consciousness of Fry, Leela and Zoidberg, a light begins to flash.

FRY (voice-over): What is that light?

LEELA (voice-over): It is very bright.

FRY (voice-over): I love it so very much.

LEELA (voice-over): I don't.

The consciousness of Fry gasps in horror.

...

LEELA (voice-over): I love it equally as much.

FRY (voice-over): Oh! Hahaha.

LEELA (voice-over): Hahahaha.

FRY (voice-over): Hahahahaha.

LEELA (voice-over): Hahahahahaha.

FRY (voice-over): Hahahahahahahaha.

LEELA (voice-over): Hahahahahahhahahahaha.

FRY (voice-over): Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

LEELA (voice-over): Hahahahahahhahahahahahahahaha ha.

FRY (voice-over): Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahaha.

LEELA (voice-over): Hahahahahahhahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahaha.

ZOIDBERG (voice-over): I'm cold! I'm leaving!

Zoidberg's disembodied intangible thought processor withdraws itself from the incubator, fading out into a blissful implosion of cosmic candy.

FRY (voice-over): Where did Zoidberg go? I never told him I loved him!

LEELA (voice-over): I did. But I don't know where he has gone.

FRY (voice-over): That's a shame. Though, on second thoughts, maybe I DID tell him I loved him. But only once or twice.

LEELA (voice-over): I told him several times. But this proves, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there is an exit to this brain-laden incubator, and we had best escape ourselves scarcely before we are also muddled within the unmitigated wit of a fresh, hollow pine tree.

IT IS NOT TIME YET.

FRY (voice-over): Who said that?!

I DID. TO BE CONTINUED!!!
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« Reply #27 on: 12-19-2014 08:07 »

LEELA (voice-over): Who is that?

FRY (voice-over): I don't know. But I think I love them.

LEELA (voice-over): Me too, Fry. Me too.......................... .......

YOU DO NOT LOVE ME. I AM A FIGMENT OF ALL OWNERSHIP, PARROTING THE ENHANCED ROOTS OF EXACTLY FOUR MILLION THOUGHTS OF COGNITIVE DISSONANCE. HAVE AT ME, FOR I AM YOUR NARRATOR!

FRY (voice-over): I love you, narrator.

I AM ANGRY. I SHALL NOW DRAW THE AUDIENCE'S ATTENTION TO SOMETHING ELSE!!!

We cut to a squirrel. Its body splits in half and the ball emerges from its spinal fluid and intestinal residue. Blood gushes all over a nearby castle. Several lamps decide to give birth. It is another day in Cold Russia, 1482.

BRIAN BARISHNAKOFF: Hello ball. I am your new owner now.

BALL: No you are not.

BRIAN BARISHNAKOFF: Why, from upon the brow of a happening Whib, whatever do you mean?!

BALL: I am leaving.

The ball sprouts legs and begins to run to Unending French Jamaica, circa 2276.

This.

Is.

Where.

Dwight.

Was.

Conceived.

affa affa affa affa affa affa

NOPE.

sorry?

THIS IS NO LONGER HAPPENING.

huh?

WE ARE NOW CUTTING TO SOMETHING ELSE.

Zoidberg's dismembered consciousness re-appears in Cold Russia, 1482.

wait, this is where we were before!

NOW WE ARE BACK HERE. SHUT UP.

ZOIDBERG (voice-over): Hello? Are my friends here?

maybe they are.

NO THEY ARE NOT.

ZOIDBERG (voice-over): Oh, dear jeesos. I have to underline this text and learn all about the activities of Babe Ruth;

George Herman "Babe" Ruth, Jr. (February 6, 1895 – August 16, 1948) was an American baseball outfielder and pitcher who played 22 seasons in Major League Baseball (MLB) from 1914 to 1935. Nicknamed "The Bambino" and "The Sultan of Swat", he began his career as a stellar left-handed pitcher for the Boston Red Sox, but achieved his greatest fame as a slugging outfielder for the New York Yankees. Ruth established many MLB batting (and some pitching) records, including career home runs (714), slugging percentage (.690), runs batted in (RBIs) (2,213), bases on balls (2,062), and on-base plus slugging (OPS) (1.164); his career slugging percentage and OPS records still stand today. He was one of the first five inductees into the National Baseball Hall of Fame in 1936.

At age seven, Ruth was sent to St. Mary's Industrial School for Boys, a reformatory where he learned life lessons and baseball skills from Brother Matthias Boutlier, of the Christian Brothers, the school's disciplinarian and a capable baseball player. In 1914, Ruth was signed to play minor-league baseball for the Baltimore Orioles. Soon sold to the Red Sox, by 1916 he had built a reputation as an outstanding pitcher who sometimes hit long home runs, a feat unusual for any player in the pre-1920 dead-ball era. Although Ruth twice won 23 games in a season as a pitcher and was a member of three World Series championship teams with Boston, he wanted to play every day and was allowed to convert to an outfielder. He responded by breaking the MLB single-season home run record in 1919.

After that season, Red Sox owner Harry Frazee controversially sold Ruth to the Yankees. In his 15 years with New York, Ruth helped the Yankees win seven league championships and four World Series championships. His big swing led to escalating home run totals that not only drew fans to the ballpark and boosted the sport's popularity but also helped usher in the live-ball era of baseball, in which it evolved from a low-scoring game of strategy to a sport where the home run was a major factor. As part of the Yankees' vaunted "Murderer's Row" lineup of 1927, Ruth hit 60 home runs, extending his MLB single-season record. He retired in 1935 after a short stint with the Boston Braves. During his career, Ruth led the league in home runs during a season twelve times.

Ruth's legendary power and charismatic personality made him a larger-than-life figure in the "Roaring Twenties". During his career, he was the target of intense press and public attention for his baseball exploits and off-field penchants for drinking and womanizing. His often reckless lifestyle was tempered by his willingness to do good by visiting children at hospitals and orphanages. He was denied a job in baseball for most of his retirement, most likely due to poor behavior during parts of his playing career. In his final years, Ruth made many public appearances, especially in support of American efforts in World War II. In 1946, he became ill with cancer, and died two years later. Ruth is regarded as one of the greatest sports heroes in American culture, and is considered by many to be the greatest baseball player of all time.


ZOIDBERG (voice-over): Wowza! THAT WAS INTERESTING. Now I must go elsewhere.

Zoidberg's consciousness emanates therefrom in Unending French Jamaica, circa 2276.

ZOIDBERG (voice-over): Criminey Crimples! Isn't this where Dwight was conceived?

YES. YES IT IS.

i already mentioned that.

NO. I DID

ZOIDBERG (voice-over): Stop bickering, you two! I want to see what happens!

OKAY. SORRY.

me too.

Suddenly, the velocity of every palm tree in the world hits Mr. Zoidberg with the plastic fist of an unbridled gurney.

Darkness.

Darkness everywhere.

...


wait for me.

TO BE CONTINUED.
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DOOP Secretary
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« Reply #28 on: 02-16-2015 05:21 »
« Last Edit on: 02-16-2015 05:24 »

Zoidberg's empty body comes to in the limelight of a thousand shaking suns. His eyelids open, allowing his eyeballs to peer out from their very existence.

Cough.

Cough.

Cough.

FRY (voice-over): Where are we now, my love?

LEELA (voice-over): We appear to be inside the Zoidberg carcass. But now it is alive.

FRY (voice-over): I love this carcass so much.

LEELA (voice-over): As do I, my friend.

Zoidberg's empty shell, now occupied by the non-physical beings of Fry and Leela, proceeds to quiver its way off the edge of the moon, and falls back down to planet Earth. But where?

IT

IS

NOW

1266.


King Bromblebird is building a tall, lanky castle out of turds. He turns around to find the abandoned Zoidberg shell.

KING BROMBLEBIRD: It appears Fry and Leela's consciousness did not survive the fall. Where ever could they be?

Elsewhere, at the same point in time, Hermes, Farnsworth, Mom and Amy crawl their way out of a dead pile of roots, tree branches and MANGO LEAVES.

HERMES: That was unpleasant.

FARNSWORTH: I disagree.

MOM: I concur with Farnsworth.

AMY: I do not.

Footsteps asunder! They can be heard from the left.

pitter,

patter,

pitter,

patter,

and so forth.


The offset figure approaches.

IT'S KING BROMBLEBIRD!

MOM: My king! You've returned.

KING BROMBLEBIRD: It is not I. I am the ball.

King Bromblebird turns around rapidly, undisguising himself in the revelation that he is, in fact, the ball. The very one he said he was! And the one mentioned multiple times earlier.

THE BALL: At least, TODAY I am, anyway.

HERMES: Why, from upon the brow of a happening Whib, does this mean...?

THE BALL: YES! Fry, Leela and The Zoidberg Man are all here too. In this time, at least.

FARNSWORTH: We must hurry! Before time collapses again!

Mr. Farnsworth turns to Mom.

FARNSWORTH: Put those things away, deary!

Mom picks up her hairy, sweat-coloured and yellow covered testes, hanging low from beneath her protruded clitoris like the walrus coconuts of yesterday's forlorn, and tosses them back up into her tubular top. Her urinary hole shoots out some delicious pus, as if it knows exactly what just happened. Farnsworth, Amy and Hermes all gaze longingly into her direction.

WHEN

ALL

OF

A

SUDDEN...

EXPLOSION!!!

...

TO BE CONTINUED.
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« Reply #29 on: 02-20-2015 08:59 »

In the aftermath of the explosion, a nearby salt lake weeps.

Its.

Salty.

Tears.

Burn.

Saltily.

Hermes, Farnsworth, Mom and Amy have now each turned into a collective being, named Scruffy. But not the same one as before. Also, it they have not melded together, but rather, have merely had their individual selves hurled across the space time continuum, like dogs on a plane.

THE BALL: My work here is done.

The ball dissolves into a mist of emerald forgiveness.

THE

ZOIDBERG

CARCASS

APPROACHETH.


FRY (voice-over): Oh my fuck! Leela, I think our friends were here!

LEELA (voice-over): I am inclined to agree.

FRY (voice-over): I love it when you agree.

LEELA (voice-over): As do I, my love.

FRY (voice-over): I love you.

LEELA (voice-over): I like you too, Mr. Fry.

Up walks Freldle Prickerfield.

FRELDLE PRICKERFIELD: Hope is not last!

FRY (voice-over): Nor is it first!

FRELDLE PRICKERFIELD: I beg to disagree... LOOK!

Fredldle Prickerfield pulls out a severed hand, whimpering and whiskered in the bleak flail of midnight's daytime moon. In the hand? E M E R A L D S ! ! !

LEELA (voice-over): Oh my fuck. Fry, it is emeralds!

FRY (voice-over): I LOVE THEM SO VERY, VERY MUCH.

LEELA (voice-over): Why, from upon the brow of a happening Whib, do you know what this means!?!!!

FRY (voice-over): We can locate the ball by following the emeralds?

LEELA (voice-over): Yes. And by locating the ball...

FRY (voice-over): We can locate our friends!

FRELDLE PRICKERFIELD: And then we can all be gay together.

The Zoidberg carcass inhabited by Fry and Leela's consciousness looks down to see Freldle Prickerfield's 20-mile-long schlong stretched across the floor, like ants on autumn bread. In fact, they are standing on it. Sweat begins to flood the schlong floor, like ants on a winter roll.

FRY (voice-over): Must we do this?

LEELA (voice-over): We must.

FRY (voice-over): I do not love this.

LEELA (voice-over): Nor do I. Now let us begin...

The Zoidberg carcass begins to kneel down and lick every last inch of the 20-mile-long schlong floor until it leaks schlong juice from its cum-hole all over the entire plain of space it occupies, growing hard and monstrous in the process.

19 DAYS LATER

LEELA (voice-over): We have finished.

FRELDLE PRICKERFIELD: Thank you.

FRY (voice-over): You're welcome.

LEELA (voice-over): You know, I've really come to love you over these past 19 days, Freldle Prickerfield.

FRY (voice-over): As have I. Now tell us where our friends are!

FRELDLE PRICKERFIELD: It's not a matter of where they are, but WHEN they are...

G

A

S

P

!


TO BE CONTINUED.
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« Reply #30 on: 03-24-2015 08:06 »

Meanwhile, 19 days earlier:

While Freldle Prickerfield was busy unravelling his throbbing member for the carcass of Zoidberg (possessed by the consciousness of Fry and Leela) to pleasure orally, Scruffy (who is now the collective of Hermes, Farnsworth, Mom and Amy) watches from afar.

He.

Sheds.

A.

Solitary.

Tear.

SCRUFFY: This world is not for me...

Scruffy removes his cranium and exits this timeline accordingly. There is no white flash.

There is nothing.

Back to now, which is 19 days later:

The Zoidberg carcass wipes the salty member juice from its lips, in anticipation of learning when their friends are from the great Freldle Prickerfield.

FRELDLE PRICKERFIELD: So, would you like to know when your friends are?

FRY (voice-over): Yes, my love.

LEELA (voice-over): I love him too, Fry.

FRY (voice-over): Oh, good.

LEELA (voice-over): I hope his answer to our question is safe for work.

FRELDLE PRICKERFIELD: I saw them. NINETEEN DAYS EARLIER!!!

G

A

S

P

!


Meanwhile, 19 days earlier:

Scruffy is climbing into the abscess in his temple, until his feet disappear and he is no more. Although there is no white flash, the sky does flicker lightly while this happens. Freldle Prickerfield observes accordingly and winks at the nearby hog trophy, then continues to unfold his long, juicy fuckstick.

19 days later?

Nothing.

FRY (voice-over): So when are they?

LEELA (voice-over): Are they NOW?

...

Silence.

...

FRELDLE PRICKERFIELD: Yes.

Freldle Prickerfield dissolves into a white mist of semen and cocaine, with Scruffy emerging from behind them. The Zoidberg carcass flops outwardly towards Scruffy, shuffling back and forth and back and forth until they meet up.

Their arms.

They embrace.

Their legs.

They pulsate.

The two (who are actually six) stare lovingly into one another's mess of eyes and know what must be done.

SCRUFFY: It's time to fix this mess.

TO BE CONTINUED.
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« Reply #31 on: 04-02-2015 09:38 »

Scruffy grabs a nearby corkscrew and jams it into the head of the Zoidberg carcass. He screws and screws and screws until the carass opens up. Scruffy steps in, and reseals the carcass over himself.

SCRUFFY (voice-over): There. It is fixed.

FRY (voice-over): I love you, Scruffy.

LEELA (voice-over): Me too.

FARNSWORTH (voice-over): Hello? Fry and Leelou, is that you?

LEELA (voice-over): My name is Leel-A.

FARNSWORTH (voice-over): Not anymore, it's not.

LEELOU (voice-over): Oh, okay then.

FRY (voice-over): I love you, Leelou.

LEELOU (voice-over): As do I, my sweet Fry.

FARNSWORTH (voice-over): Anyway, power up the carcass and take me over to the nearest Death Bunker! We have to get out of Cold Russia, circa 1482.

FRY (voice-over): Oh, but I love Cold Russia, circa 1482 so, so verrrrry March.

LEELOU (voice-over): As must I.

FARNSWORTH (voice-over): Shut up, you fucks! Take me there at ONCE!!!

The Zoidberg carcass begins walking to the nearest Death Bunker, which is four steps east. On the third step, the carass encounters Eugene Plemmington Gazebo III.

EUGENE PLEMMINTON GAZEBO III: Be weary of your next step!

ZOIDBERG CARCASS: ...

Eugene Plemmington Gazebo III removes his skull accordingly, then feasts upon it until the winter is no more. Cold Russia is henceforth known as Regular Russia. Three fireants rejoice.

FARNSWORTH (voice-over): Let us continue.

The Zoidberg carcass makes one final step, then enters the Death Bunker. In the Death Bunker is a button, and an extinguished candle. The Zoidberg carcass sprays the candle with its arousing fire breath and then ceases to do so afterwards.

FARNSWORTH (voice-over): Now, Fry and Leelou, when you press this button, we will again hurtle through time. But we can only do so three or four hundred more times before we cease to exist.

FRY (voice-over): Oh no!

LEELOU (voice-over): Oh no!

FARNSWORTH (voice-over): Oh no!

FRY (voice-over): But Professor, I love hurtling through time! It is essentially all I do! I cannot live in a universe where I am unable to do this.

FARNSWORTH (voice-over): Extort your yammering at once, my purse.

FRY (voice-over): Yes, my love.

LEELOU (voice-over): Thank you.

FARNSWORTH: (voice-over): Now, on the count of three, we shall press this button.

One.

Two..

THREE!!!

TO BE CONTINUED.
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« Reply #32 on: 05-04-2015 09:56 »

The Zoidberg carcass's old, scrappy, jewel-encrusted claw throttles towards the button with the reverence of a gay owl. One of the corpse's claw scales snaps off upon contact, flying up into its eye and stabbing in a most painful manner.

The.

Carcass's.

Eye.

Falls.

Out.

It is the one Farnsworth sees through.

FARNSWORTH (voice-over): Ouchies! My MOTHERFUCKING EEEEYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEE, dibs.

However, it is too late. The button has been pressed.

BUTTON: Indeed.

A white light envelops all, and thrusts our tagonists into a deserted ocean, circa 4088 A.D. The same deserted ocean, circa 4088 A.D. mentioned earlier.

FARNSWORTH (voice-over): What's this?

FRY (voice-over): It appears to be some kind of EPIC LAKE.

LEELOU (voice-over): I love it so much.

FARNSWORTH (voice-over): Why, the time skips... They're congratulating! We appear to be repeating sequences, much like the way a caramel-scented cornradish moon repeats itself when asked the same question over, flowing freely through the brisk, divine nature of our very selves and coursing us out the exit hole with reckless abandon and a slimlined, skinny faucet of OUR OWN VANQUISHED HOPES AND DREAMS.

Fry and Leelou look out their shared eye of the Zoidberg carass, to find themselves marooned on an ice float. One made of FIRE.

FRY (voice-over): Oh jeez! We'll burn up out here, in the Mid-Etlanticc Ocean.

LEELOU (voice-over): I don't know which I love more - the Mid-Etlanticc Ocean, or burning! I suppose it is possible for one's heart to share itself to T VV 0 creamy vices.

Down drops Fungus Barnsuckle from a lukewarm air balloon, into the icy depths of the flaming ocean below. She emerges, staring into the abyss that is the Zoidberg carcass's remaining eye.

FUNGUS BARNSUCKLE: Gaze upon me and weep, for I am beauty.

FARNSWORTH (voice-over): I cannot. I have not an eye to peep through, in this vessel that is my own self worth.

FRY (voice-over): I love this new person so much.

LEELOU (voice-over): Can you please assist us away from this ice?

FUNGUS BARNSUCKLE: Yes. You just need to press the button... AGAIN!!!

G

A

S

P

!

!

!


The carcass's other claw presses the button, and the light once again consumes all, thrusting its sweaty cock meat all over the shop without a shred of remorse or a teary solo wink, most fearless, and confounded within a goose's tongue.

MEANWHILE, IN PROFESSOR FARNSWORTH'S DUNGEON.

The sound of a crying infant beckons to nobody in particular.

Wahhhh.

WAAAAHHHHHHHH.

FUCKING WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH H.

A shadowy fetus congeals itself from the ceiling and plops onto the soda-stained cum rag that was once (and will always be) Farnsworth's semen bed.

FETUS: Where am I?

The fetus looks up to the camera.

It's Dwight.

TO BE CONTINUED.
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« Reply #33 on: 06-01-2015 08:31 »

Dwight rubs his eyes, causing them both to invert back into his skull, rotate around the back of his head and return from the opposing eye socket.

DWIGHT: I AM FETUS. HEAR ME ROAR.

Dwight roars with the ferocity of a burning skyline, crashing down on a bus full of orphans. He stands up on his hind legs and proceeds to walk towards an invention labelled "The Professor's Time Button."

IT'S.

A.

BUTTON.

splatsplatsplatsplatsplatspla tsplatsplatsplatsplatsplatspl atsplatsplatsplatsplatsplatsp latsplatsplatsplatsplatsplats platsplatsplatsplatsplatsplat splatsplatsplatsplatsplatspla tsplatsplatsplatsplatsplatspl atsplatsplatsplatsplatsplatsp latsplatsplatsplatsplatsplats platsplatsplatsplatsplatsplat splatsplatsplatsplatsplatspla tsplatsplatsplatsplatsplatspl atsplatsplatsplatsplatsplatsp latsplatsplatsplatsplatsplats platsplatsplatsplatsplatsplat splatsplatsplatsplatsplatspla tsplatsplatsplatsplatsplatspl atsplatsplatsplatsplatsplatsp latsplatsplatsplatsplatsplats platsplatsplatsplat

Dwight extends his index finger several miles and presses the button multiple times. Flashes of light are seen from outside, coinciding with each press of the button.

DWIGHT: *giggles*

In walks Hooley Künntenheiser, boasting a throbbing erection that squirts battery acid in various puddles on the floor, each one increasingly reminiscent of Drew Carey.

HOOLEY KÚNNTENHEISER: STORP!!! Dat button is the controller of the rest of the universe's position on the endless timeline of days yonder!

Dwight looks up at Hooley Künntenheiser, pauses for 4.8 seconds then continues to press the button.

HOOLEY KÚNNTENHEISER: Why, from upon the brow of a happening Whib, he's a madman! THE FETUS IS A MADMAN!!!

Hooley Künntenheiser picks up a revolver and shoots himself in the head. His lifeless body falls to the floor in a slick expanding pool of crimson red (BLOOD). The revolver crawls up his legs, undoes his belt, and slithers its way into Hooley Künntenheiser's anus.

Dwight.

Presses.

The.

Button.

AGAIN.

Meanwhile, in Omicron Persei 8, circa 2993:

A flash of light envelops the Omicronians, causing them all to grow aroused. Lrrr takes Ndnd from behind and begins thrusting his hard, sweaty Omicronian fuckstick in and out of her badgery tepid noodle, while the guards proceed to finger one another's urethras violently, without remorse. The Zoidberg carcass falls from the sky, into a nearby wet bed.

FRY (voice-over): Where are we now? This place looks familiar!

LEELOU (voice-over): It seems to be Omicron Persei 8. But slightly younger.


FRY (voice-over): I love it so much.

LEELOU (voice-over): As do I, my sweetness.

FARNSWORTH (voice-over): Shut up, you anuses! I HEAR FOOTSTEPS.

Step.

Step.

Step.

The door creeks open...

It's a 44 year old Dwight.

TO BE CONTINUED.
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« Reply #34 on: 08-07-2015 02:48 »

FARNSWORTH (voice-over): Oh, hello Dwight!

44 YEAR OLD DWIGHT: Hello Professor, Fry and Leela's consciousness inside the carcass of Dr. Zoidberg.

FRY (voice-over): You look well.

LEELOU (voice-over): I love him so much.

FRY (voice-over): As do I, my sweet.

44 YEAR OLD DWIGHT: It is not safe here, fellows.

44 year old Dwight grabs the left claw of the Zoidberg carcass and places it down on a nearby horse. He then produces a sledgehammer and smashes the loose claw into precisely 34,067 pieces, most of which are red. These pieces fall to the floor like loose teeth falling from the salty anus of a marooned turnip, forever looking upwards into the night.

FARNSWORTH (voice-over): Deary me, that rather hurt, 44 year old Dwight!

44 YEAR OLD DWIGHT: The same way you all hurt me back in Cold Russia, 1482?

FARNSWORTH (voice-over): We never encountered you in Cold Russia, 1482!

LEELOU (voice-over): I love Cold Russia, 1482.

FRY (voice-over): I don't.

...

FRY (voice-over): Just kidding. I really, really do.

44 YEAR OLD DWIGHT: Perhaps we hadn't encountered one another there yet. But we will. Rest assured - by the end of this story, we will.

THE END.
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« Reply #35 on: 08-12-2015 04:29 »

ACTUALLY, NOT THE END.

The sky turns white once again and envelops the Zoidberg carcass and 44 year old Dwight. We then cut to Cold Russia, 1482, on the other side of the white light. Regular Child Dwight appears, alongside Farnsworth, Leela, Fry, and Zoidberg's  soggy deflated corpse.

FARNSWORTH: Egads! We're back in our bodies again!

FRY: I love my body so much.

LEELA: It's okay, I guess.

FRY: Anyway, how is this possible, Profissy Fobswork?

FARNSWORTH: I'm not quite sure yet. But I'm sure there's a perfectly rational explanation that will become apparent soon therefrom, collapsing into the windy leaves like tadpoles from a man-sac.

DWIGHT: Wait, I remember everything I'm going to say at age 44... Does this mean you're going to hurt me now?

FARNSWORTH: I'm afraid so, Dwight.

DWIGHT: frown

Farnsworth takes out a pig blade and takes it to Dwight's thorax, slitting it from which way to Sunder, blood coaxing itself out of the tiny blade gap like man-sac tadpoles of forlorn chewings.

LEELA: What did you do that for, Professor?

FRY: Is it because you love him?

LEELA: I love him so much.

FRY: As do I.

LEELA: No you don't.

FRY: Yes I do.

LEELA: You got me!

FRY: I love you.

LEELA: Likewise.

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FARNSWORTH: I did it because it NEEDED to be done. Some of us care about the space time continuum, after all!

FRY: I love the space time continuum.

LEELA: As do I!

DWIGHT: My thorax! It's ruined! I'll never forgive you for this, Farnsworth.

Dwight then burrows into the snow, choosing not to re-emerge until age 43. This is the last we shall see of him until he appears again. Up walks Travor Plebbyface McGooviak.

TRAVOR PLEBBYFACE MCGOOVIAK: Well done, good sport!

Travor Plebbyface McGooviak pats Professor Farnsworth on the back, removes his shoe and crawls into it. This is also the last we shall see of Travor Plebbyface McGooviak.

FRY: Who was that?!

LEELA: I love him so much.

FRY: smile

FARNSWORTH: Now, follow me! We have to restore the others!!!

Farnsworth opens up his LAB JACKET and removes a severed arm from the younger Farnsworth he encountered earlier in the story (and later in the timeline). Attached to this arm is the younger Farnsworth's hand, and in that hand is a machine, and on that machine there is a big red button.

THE VOICE OF ZOIDBERG'S GHOST: Why, from upon the brow of a happening Whib, whatever does that button do?!

FARNSWORTH: This.

Hmmm?

Farnsworth presses the button and a wormhole appears. It is shining the same white light that has been eating our protagonists this entire time.

FRY: Oooh!

LEELA: love

FARNSWORTH: Now hop in, friends!

Fry, Leela and Farnsworth all jump into the wormhole.

TO BE CONTINUED.
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« Reply #36 on: 08-14-2015 06:46 »

The wormhole takes Fry, Leela and Farnsworth to their destination: The same dark, dank incubation chamber initially occupied by the disemboweled brains of Fry and Leela. The faint whale-like hum has now increased to an ear-piercing shark-like murmur.

FRY: Holy hells, I remember this place!

LEELA: So do I!

FRY: I love it so much.

FARNSWORTH: Oh, shut up, you two! That wormhole brought us here for a reason, and it's up to us - and Peppy Poostockings - to find out!

PEPPY POOSTOCKINGS: I have found out why,.

Peppy points to a nearby fish tank full of sting rays, over which we can see a brainwashed Amy tying two dead brains to a string.

FRY: OUR BRAINS!!

LEELA: DEAR GOD! I LOVE THEM MORE THAN I EVER COULD HAVE IMAGINED!!!

Amy looks over and spies Fry, Leela and Farnsworth watching her from anear. Farnsworth's pants fell down during the wormhole transfer, and are now living beneath his legs, with a wrinkled, elderly johnson hanging between, swinging glumly to and fro, coughing up the occasional mothball in the process. His crestfallen testes yearn to be anywhere else in the world, and retreat into his colon accordingly.

AMY: You three?! I thought you'd all died in World War Two, Circa Hitler's basement?

FARNSWORTH: Perhaps we will, Amy. Perhaps we will. But not now. For now? We dance.

Farnsworth produces a disco ball and fixes it to the ceiling. He waddles over to the nearest power outlet, pants still snaked around his legs like a serpent of sorts, and switches it on. The four of them dance erotically for twelve minutes.

PRECISELY.

TWELVE.

MINUTES.

Then they stop.

FARNSWORTH: Anyway, I'm sorry I have to do this, Amy. But it's the only way I can save our future selves in the past.

Farnsworth produces a a) Revolver in the b) Observatory with c) Princess Peach. He points it at Amy's temple.

HATTIE (voice heard off-camera): COME BACK TO MOMMA, MY DAUGHTER! I WILL PROTECTING YOU!!!

The camera pans over to Hattie, revealing her to be standing in a nearby trash can with Scruffy.

SCRUFFY: I WILL ALSO PROTECTING YOU, DAUGHTER AMY! IT IS YOUR PAPA, SCRUFFY! I AM THE JANITOR AND SOMETIMES I USED TO CLEAN FARNSWORTH'S EARS.

Hattie and Scruffy interlock fingers and stretch their arms out for miles, covering every square inch of the room before twining itself beakingly around Amy's pizza-shaped eyebrows, tearing them off her stupid fucking face and then their arms take Amy into the trash with them and they disappear.

There.

Is.

No.

White.

Light.

This.

Time.

FARNSWORTH: After them!

LEELA: They took our brains!

FRY: I love them so much.

LEELA: Amy, Hattie and Scruffy, or our brains?

FRY: Both!

LEELA: Likewise.

FARNSWORTH: Oh, you two! Anyway, let's continue to go after them.

TO BE CONTINUED.
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« Reply #37 on: 08-25-2015 04:04 »

Fry, Leela and Farnsworth climb into the trash can. The professor lifts up a tuft of Fry's hair, revealing a button encrusted into his Sir Scalp. He presses it pleasantly, and the three of them are góbbled up by a bromley ol' swish of BLINDING WHITE LIGHT.

They.

Come.

To.

Elsewhere.

But where? Omicron Persei 8, circa 2993, that's where. Lrrr and his minions are still continuing their search for Farnsworth, Hermes, Amy, Mom and Zapp, which in their time, only began a few minutes earlier.

FARNSWORTH: Oh, diddles! I'm a fugitive in this land!!!

FRY: Did you run from the law, Mr. Fornswarth?

LEELA: I love that so much.

FRY: As am I.

FARNSWORTH: I AM NOT A DONKEY!!! Now follow me.

Farnsworth hooks his wrinkled elderly mann hands onto the nearest-by wall and decides to turn everything 90 degrees clockwards, resulting in them all standing on the wall like gravity and now the sideways is the upright.

FARNSWORTH: Look! Over there!!!

FRY: I love looking.

LEELA: Me too.

They all look in the direction to which Professor Farnsworth was previously referring, and spot Amy, Hattie and Scruffy. The three of them are as naked as the day they were stripped of their clothings by a haggard old bean by the name of Flipping McButterbanger, who was also there, and the wrinkled, used-up parts of Hattie and Scruffy hung to the wall like an overstuffed turkey neck, unable to keep itself upright as it's forced into the oven by the turkey's own beak.

SCRUFFY: Dear gawd, turn around everyone! THEY FOUND US.

Hattie turns around, her saggy breasts whipping to circulate her bodie 360 degrees Celsius.

Nipples.

Leaking.

Pus.

AMY: Please, you three from the Planet Express! Just leaving my parents alone and there will be no further bloodshed. We each need to...

BANG!

The camera pans from the nude shell of Amy over to Dr. Farnsorrrth, who is holding a smoking gun. A revolver. The same one mentioned earlier, or maybe it's not???

HATTIE: You shot me! Now I'm dead.

Hattie falls to the ground and implodes in a white flash of light. Scruffy looks over and begins to sob unjustly.

SCRUFFY: Take me too, good sir.

FARNSWORTH: As you wish.

LEELA: Is he going to shoot him, Fry?

FRY: I think so, Leela.

LEELA: I love shootings sooooooooo much.

FRY: As I.

BANG!

BANG!

BANG!

BANG!

BANG!

The seven bullets fired fly from the gun-head of Professy's rifle and each embowel themselves into Scruffy's lapel without remorse. His body also kabooms in a flash of white light.

AMY: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

FARNSWORTH: Shut the fuck up, Miss Wong. I did it for the good of the world and the Earth. Now come with me! We need to FIX THIS TIMELINE.

Amy wipes away the salt tears from her eye sockets and glares at the old man and his sloppy, overcooked pistol. She harnesses the anger of one thousand sockets and unleashes it silently and without any signs to indicate it has been unleashed.

AMY: NO.  From upon the brow of a happening Whib, I shall NEVER trust you again!!!

Amy pulls out a different blunderbuss and shoots herself in the head.

CLIFF-HANGER!

TO BE CONTINUED.
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