Fanfiction: The Scruff-Session

[on:]

Futurama

Fanfic Title

The Scruff-Session

by: Trenton Sands

Opening Credits Scene:

Futurama:

It's Like A Party In Your Soul and You're Invited

Screen: Invader Zim


Scene 1:

The Planet Express crew were getting ready to leave the flea market on The Moon They all board the ship with all the items that they got. Leela got a seashell CD player, Fry got the Pets.com sock puppet, Bender got a cigar box, Hermes got an adding machine, Amy got a make up kit, and Zoidberg got a rock in a sock. Scruffy has not come yet.

Leela: Anyone like this seashell CD player I got?

Bender: Is there where you're going to listen to your goth music? (laughs)

Leela: (scoffs) What did you get Fry?

Fry: (holding a sock puppet) I got the Pets.com sock puppet! (imitates voice): Hi, people! I got a second chance!

Bender: (blows raspberry) Losers love losers! Last I heard, a breeder got him and the Taco Bell chihuaua! That's nothing compared to my Zuban Cigar Box!

Hermes: I got an old adding machine!

Amy: Got this cool make up kit.

Fry: What about you, Zoidberg? What did you get?

Zoidberg: I got a rock! (sobbing) It was all I can afford!

Amy: What's taking Scruffy so long?

Hermes: Here he comes now.

Scruffy came on board with a wooden box that looked like a brown wooden box. It had pictures of Spiders all over it.

Leela: Cool box you got there, Scruffy. Ready to go?

Scruffy: Yep.

Bender: What up with that strange box?

Scruffy: Maybe this could help me clean better.

Bender: Pfffft! Whatever! Everybody got lame things today, expect me!

The Planet Express ship leaves the Moon and heads back to Earth.


Scene 2:

A week has passed and Scruffy has been acting strange. In fact, the Planet Express building is all dirty. The refrigerator is open and food is all around, there's garbage, boxes, dishes were piled high to the ceiling. Slurm cans were all over the living room where they watched TV. Fry, Leela, Bender, Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg all were coming back from a mission. Fry was the first to see the mess.

Fry: Oh, no dudes! You better look at this!

Then Leela and everybody else sees the mess.

Leela: Oh my gosh!

Farnsworth: Bad news, everyone.

Bender: They all still got their health? (sees the mess) What the hell is this, Hoarders?

Farnsworth: For the past week, Scruffy hasn't been doing his janitorial duties.....

Bender: Hey, wait a minute, I know what happened! You all snuck back to Earth while we were on that week mission in the planet NoBotsLand, the robot hating planet, and you all had a party without me! That's why you made me dress as a blind old lady for a week and were gone for that long period of time!

Hermes: Sweet Zombie Jesus, Bender! You have a persecution complex!

Leela: No kidding there! Thinking everybody is against you!

Amy: What's the deal with Scruffy?

Farnsworth: Wish I knew.....

Hermes: Could it have something to do with that box?

Zoidberg: I could examine him!

Everybody: No! Not yet!

Zoidberg: Awwwww.. Zoidberg wanted to help......

Farnsworth: For a week or so, he just stands in the corner and talks gibberish like he's speaking in tongue.

Bender: Hey! He could be an Evangelist! Then he can have an affair with a woman and cry about it on TV. (mocking): I have sinned! (faux sobs) I have sinned! Or he could take over the 7000 Club and at the end Scruffy can say, "And Now, Let's Pray!"

Fry: Remember that from back in my time! (sees Scruffy) Look there's Scruffy over there.

Leela: Maybe you can talk to him Bender.

Fry: If anyone can get through to Scruffy it's Bender! He sure can get through to me!

Later on, Bender is outside on the balcony where Scruffy was sitting. Scruffy had the box with him. Bender turned on a radio and Nelly's Hot In Here plays and Bender starts dancing to it. Scruffy just sits there and watches looking very troubled.

Bender: Come on, everybody! Make some noise! And a one and a two. As Jackie Gleason once said, "And away we.........GO! "

As Bender starts dancing to the rap song, Scruffy looks like he's about to vomit.

Bender: Come and join me! Let's DANCE already!

Scruffy: I feel funny....

Bender: That's what they all say....

Scruffy: It's true. I feel funny!

Bender (stops dancing and walks up to Scruffy): You know, Scruffy, I know a lot of bad things happen in the world and in the universe. Trust me, caring about it is just a waste of time! You'd feel a whole lot better if you'd just stop giving a (beep)

Fry, Leela, Hermes, Amy, Farnsworth, and Zoidberg all watch to see if Bender would get through to Scruffy. It didn't happen.


Scene 3:

Everyone banded together to clean up the mess Scruffy caused. The next day, Fry, Leela, Hermes, Amy, Zoidberg, and Farnsworth were all watching a survailliance camera of Scruffy. They learn it's really Scruffy doing all the messes and he's moving very fast back and forth. Scruffy comes in to apologize. Meanwhile Bender was outside chopping and grilling a giant alien komodo dragon that he is going to pass off as a salmon.

Bender: (singing to the tune of Mexican Radio): Nobody will suspect. That I am cooking. A barbacued Komodo Dragon!

Amy: Spleesh Scruffy sure is moving fast. Like he's a vampire from True Blood.

Fry: He's holding that box while he's running.

Leela: So the box must have something do to with it.

Farnsworth: So, THAT's why the place was a mess! While you were all away on that robot hating planet, I was sleeping the whole time. Wasn't really paying attention.

Scruffy: Hey folks. Hope I'm not going to get fired.

Hermes: No, you won't. Just as long as you don't do it again.

Leela: We're in a recession, Scruffy. A job is a job.

Scruffy: Don't know what I would do if I did lose my job, cleaning is my whole life. (opens box and his eyes turn green)

Zoidberg: Bender's cooking us a delicious meal! Places everyone.

Once Bender is done cooking the alien snail, he serves it. Along with some potatoes and green beans. Everyone gathers around the table.

Bender (places food on the table): You're all gonna love this 'salmon' I caught this morning!

Leela: Is this another one of your Elzar recipes?

Bender: Nope! Say, I know what's going on with Scruffy! He's been around garbage all his life, he's finally become garbage! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! Uhhh, I kill me!

Amy: Can we please have a peaceful dinner together without Bender insulting one of us?

Everyone was getting ready to eat. Scruffy then used his fork and he ate the komodo dragon disguised as a salmon very fast.

Hermes: Uhhhh, Scruffy, that's for everyone.....

Scruffy (eating fast): Hmmmm. Hmmm.. More more more.....

Bender: Save some for the rest of us! I'd expect this from Zoidberg..... I know! Scruffy's a 'garbage disposial!' Heheheheheeee!

Zoidberg: Hey! Scruffy? You know, it's been a while since I had a meal....

Everybody: We know!

Scruffy continues to eat the komodo dragon very fast until it's all gone.

Fry: Scruffy, please pass the potatoes?

Zoidberg: Scruffy, what's wrong? Don't you know how to pass food? (reaches for a plate of green beans) Here's my Josh Groban impression (picks up plate of green beans then sings in a sing-song voice): You raise it up! Hooray! Now I'm telling jokes! (laughs)

Fry, Leela, Bender, Hermes, Amy, and Farnsworth all look at Scruffy in awe over how he's eating. They all ignore Zoidberg.

Zoidberg: WHAT?! It's only funny when _Bender_ tells jokes?!

Bender: 'Fraid so! Save some for Fry at least! After all he's the one with Karen Carpenter body.

Fry: Dammit Bender! Scruffy, pass the potatoes! I won't ask again!

Scruffy gets his fork and stabs Fry in the hand with it. Fry's hand was bleeding as the fork was embedded in his palm.

Fry: AAAHHHH!! OUCH! (cries)

Bender: Hey, Luca Brassi, when did you get in here! (laughs)

Leela: Let's go, Fry. I'll take you to the Emergency room.

Fry: Thanks, Leela. (cries)

Leela: Amy's right! It's obvious we can't have a nice dinner without something going violent!

Amy: You can say that again.

Hermes: How about I make us all some Goat Helper?

Amy: That sounds good.

As Leela takes Fry to the hosptial, they all look at Scruffy.

Bender: Scruffy, that was awesome what you did! You were A1 when you jammed that fork into Fry!

Zoidberg: That steak sauce? Where? (runs away)

Scruffy: Sorry. Don't know what got over me. Honestly.

Farnsworth: It's that box I know it is!

Scruffy: You can't have it! It's mine! (runs away with the box in tow)

Hermes: We have to find a way to get that box away from you.

Amy: So we can find out where it's from. More importantly, why it's making Scruffy act so weird.

Farnsworth: Exactly what I'm planning to do.

Amy: If he'll let us...


Scene 4:

The day after, Zoidberg was walking through the slums of New New York.

Zoidberg: I always get lost everytime I have to walk to Planet Express. Too bad they won't let me on the transportation tubes because I'm too fat.....

Then Zoidberg gets an idea once he sees Hermes's hovercar parked outside a bank.

Zoidberg: Advantage! Zoidberg! I'll take Hermes's hovercar!

Running into Hermes's hovercar, Zoidberg jumps into it and starts driving.

Zoidberg: I'm sure he won't mind. I'm his best friend! Love his insults!

Then Zoidberg sees a radio and turns it on.

Zoidberg: Time for some tunes! Then I'll look and be cool!

The radio is turned onto a heavy metal station. Truth by Seether plays. Zoidberg starts head banging.

Zoidberg: YEAH! YEAH! I AM DEATH ZOIDBERG METAL!!!! YEAH!!!!!

Out of nowhere, Scruffy suddenly appears in the car. He has the box on his lap and he's posessed again. Scruffy has green eyes and looks at Zoidberg.

Zoidberg: AHHH!! Scruffy!

Scruffy (demonic voice): You can't do this, Dr. Zoidberg!

Zoidberg: Go away! Leave me alone! Hermes is my friend!

Scruffy: Hermes hates you! He'll have you taxidermied for this! I'll make sure of it!

Zoidberg: NO!

Then the hovercar swerves and racing down the street until it crashes into a building. Scruffy jumps out unscathed.

Zoidberg (flying out of the hovercar): WOOAAAHHH!!!! What a wild ride! (crashes into the Planet Express building)
I made it to work on time.

Nobody reported for work at Planet Express yet. As everyone was on their way to work, Hermes sees his hovercar from a distance!

Hermes: My hovercar! Somebody crashed my hovercar!


Scene 5:

In a religious TV station somewhere in New New York, there was a show on called God's News. The Space Pope and Preacherbot were hosting.

Preacherbot: Hello, and welcome to God's News!

Space Pope: Today's topic is God's existance.

Preacherbot: God really does exist. He's not just some spaghetti monster and....

Then they suddenly smell fire.

Space Pope: Do I smell smoke?

Preacherbot (sees fire): IT IS FIRE! Put it out!

The Space Pope and Preacherbot struggle to put out the fire. The fire kept getting bigger and bigger. Scruffy was outside with a can of gasoline and raises his hands into the air.

Scruffy (in demonic voice): I just destroyed religion! And BURNED God's News!

[Reply #1 on:]

Scene 6:

Back at Planet Express, they see the wreckage to the Planet Express building Scruffy and Zoidberg caused with Hermes's car crashing. They were all at the scene.

Fry: Could Scruffy had done this? He reminds me lately of a little girl who got posessed once. Carol Anne I think her name was.

Leela: Oh Lord. Everytime New New York is in mass destruction, we're the ones caught in the middle.

Bender: Whatever this is, I know you'll all blame me for this! (looks at the damage more) This looks like an inside job. Whoever did this, I am jealous! Everybody gets to commit Grand Theft Auto but me!

Amy: We don't think it was you! It's globviously Scruffy!

Hermes: Sweet Gymsocks of Fort Knox! Zoidberg! (grabs Zoidberg by his shirt) YOU!!! Did this! Didn't you?!

Zoidberg: You would've wanted me to have it to drive myself to work!

Hermes: I would not let you in my car if you were the last crustation on Earth!

Zoidberg: You don't understand! Scruffy made me do it! He's posessed!

Hermes: I don't see him around! You have no idea how much this hovercar is costing me?

Zoidberg: It was Scruffy! Seriously dude!

Hermes: You give me no choice, Zoidberg! (takes out a belt and chases Zoidberg with it)

Zoidberg (runs away): Oh, Hermes, you're such a kidder! (laughs)

Hermes: Come back here, you're about to be Gone In 60 Seconds!

Zoidberg was being chased by Hermes with the belt. Then Hermes hits Zoidberg with it repeatedly and yells at him inaudible.

Farnsworth: I'm afraid Zoidberg is right.

Bender: Zoidberg is right for once?

Farnsworth: Indeed. The box has some kind of power I have to figure out what it is so I can examine it.

Leela: Where did Scruffy go? Would you like us to track him down?

Farnsworth: Yes. Fry, Bender, and Leela. You all look for Scruffy.

Fry: Where do janitors go when they don't work? (points his index finger in the air) This'll be a mystery.

Farnsworth: Scruffy usually hangs out at a gym before he reports for work. It's down the street a little ways. Off you go.

Leela: We can get that box away from Scruffy, Professor. You can count on us.

Later on, Fry, Leela, and Bender were outside the gym where Scruffy was. They strategize a plan.

Leela (looking through a telescope): Here's the deal....

Bender: Make you an offer you can't refuse! (laughs) Leela should be a Mafia Don!

Leela: Enough! Scruffy is in there working out. The box is in the locker. Fry, you go in there and get that box and bring it back here.

Fry: You're sending ME to do it?

Bender: Yes, you! Get your scrawny ass inside that gym!

Fry: Fine.

As Fry walks into the gym. He finds the locker room. Once Fry is about to go in, two trainers spot him. They looked like Hanz and Franz from Saturday Night Live. Their names were Cranz and Granz. They both wore grey sweatsuits and sneakers.

Cranz (Austrian accent): Hello skinny weakling.

Fry: Uh, hey. Are you guys any related to Ah-nold?

Granz (Austrian accent): He's our ancestor.

Fry: That's great. I'm not here to work out, just want to get something for someone here.

Cranz: Nonesense (leads Fry to an excercise bike): It's always a great time to work out.

Fry: No really, it's fine....

Granz: You can get your thing later because we're here to

Cranz and Granz: PUMP! (claps their hands) You UP! (gets Fry on the bike)

Fry: You guys are funny. But I don't need this!

Scruffy is somewhere in the gym then this posessed eyes sense something in the locker room. Inside the locker room, Sal is looking at his box.

Sal: Hey, looksies! This is one cool looking boxes! (laughs)

Cranz and Granz had Fry on the bike.

Granz: Let's turn up the speed!

Fry was pedeling too fast as Scruffy goes into the locker room and confronts Sal. Meanwhile Leela and Bender are wondering what's taking Fry so long.

Fry: Ooooooh! On a mission here! Get me off this thing! This is going to FAST!!!

Cranz: It's a mission all right!

Granz: A mission of fitness!

Fry: PLEASE! STOP! I'm not here to work out!

The exercise bike Fry was on was about to blow up the faster it gets.

Cranz: You need to go fast like this!

Granz: Because it's going to

Cranz and Granz: PUMP! (claps hands) you UP!

Leela: Fry should have been out by now.

Bender: What do you expect? This is Fry we're talking about?

In the locker room, Scruffy is about to fight Sal.

Sal: What's the ma ma little baby? Want your boxie woxie back?

Scruffy: Give it back to me!

Sal: How about we play keep-a-awayes!

Scruffy: Give it back to me!

Sal: Come onses, I'm joshing youses! Cna't you take a jokeses?

Scruffy: GIVE IT BACK TO ME!

Sal was getting beat up by Scruffy and an explosion occured. Fry comes flying out of the building on the side of the gym. Fry's clothes were blown off in the explosion and he was now in his underwear.

Fry: WOOOAAAHHHH!!!!

Leela: Did you get the box at all?

Fry: No, I two dudes wanted to pump me up!

Bender: Dammit! That box probably has something that makes someone really cool! Sure wish I had it.

Leela: There has to be another way.

Fry: Sorry I failed. Just like I always do.

Bender: And that's the reason why we hate you so much!

Scruffy then walks into the opposite direction where Fry, Leela, and Bender were walking away from the gym. Scruffy jumps into the air and screams. He has spiders coming out of his mouth in a cloud full of smoke. Then Scruffy shoots lasers out of his fingers and shoots everything in his path. And even punches and kicks cars and leaving a trial of destruction in his path!

Bender: Got a radical new name for Scruffy! The Scruffinator! (laughs) (In Scruffy's voice): HASTA LA SECOND! BABY!

Leela: Let's tell the Professor we failed.


Scene 7:

Fry, Leela, and Bender came back to Planet Express in disgrace. They explained to Farnsworth in their own words what happened and how Scruffy got away.

Bender: It's all Fry and Leela's fault, Professor! They caused that explosion at the gym! That's when I split that scene, pronto! Fry and Leela should be arrested! They need it right in their hands!

Leela: Ha ha ha ha ha. Always trying to pin it on someone else, eh Bender?

Fry: Just got sidetracked by some Germans who wanted to build up my body!

Bender: Your scrawny body sure needs it, that's for sure!

Leela: There has to be another way!

Farnsworth: SILENCE! Even though I'm still mad at all of you for failing to get the box away from Scruffy, I have something else in store. (walks away and looks in his closet).

Amy: Wonder what he's looking for?

Farnsworth: (walks back into the room): Eureka!

Then Farnsworth comes back with something that looks like a leash.

Farnsworth: Behold! My latest invention! It's the Planet of the Apes Human Leash! It's guranteed to pull in posessed people. So, which one of you wants to try this?

Hermes: Leela would be good for it.

Amy: Splah! Leela should do it. After all, she knows about unleashed fury!

Farnsworth: (hands Leela the leash): Don't make me regret this.

Leela: I'll do my best. Work better without Dizzy and Dopey anyway.

Fry: Which one of us is Dizzy?

Bender: You are! I'm and Dope........WHAT?!!! Did I just insult myself?

Everyone watches as Leela tracked down the posessed Scruffy. He was standing outside Planet Express causing explosions on the buildings next to the PE building. Leela takes the leash and throws it and the leash lands around Scruffy's neck!

Leela: Okay, Scruffy! Let's find out what making you posessed! (pulls the leash toward her): Hee-yah!

Scruffy didn't get choked, but Leela's forceful pull on it caused him and the box to fly forward to her. Leela brought him back into the building.

Leela: Got him, Professor! (grabs the box away from Scruffy) And his little box too!

Fry: Three cheers for Leela! I'm proud of you for that!

Bender: It's all just human luck.

Farnsworth: Here's the deal, I'll examine his box while you all take Scruffy to the hospital.

Zoidberg: I'll do an MRI on him.

As Farnsworth goes to examine the box, Everybody takes Scruffy to the hospital. Bender puts him in a straightjacket, and Scruffy is foaming at the mouth while Leela still has the leash on him.

Bender: Scruffy has Hoof and Mouth Disease.

Leela: Scruffy! We're doing an intervention on you! We're doing this because care about you and you're our friend!

Fry: We want our Scruffy back! We have to take that box away from you!

Hermes: It was destroying you, mon!

Amy: It's making you do bad things and not clean anymore.

Scruffy: RRRROOOOAAAAAARRRRRHHHHHH!!!!!! (screams in Zoidberg's face).

Zoidberg: Eeeeeeek! He.....screamed in my face. And you made me crash Hermes's car!

Hermes: Don't remind me!


Scene 8:

At Taco Bellvue Hospital, Fry and Leela were in the waiting room. Fry was laying on a couch on his side while Leela was standing next to him watching a Blernsball game on TV. Scruffy was in the hospital exam room getting an MRI, as Hermes, Amy, Bender, and Zoidberg watch.

Fry: Leela? Is Scruffy going to be okay?

Leela: We don't know that yet, Fry.

Fry: It's just that I feel so bad for him. Even though he nearly crucified me. Will Scruffy be cured?

Leela: We just have to wait to see what's going with him. Hope the MRI can tell us. You know sometimes MRIs can give false positives.

Fry: I'm betting for a true positive.

Leela: We all are. That's very sweet of you to show such concern for Scruffy. We don't we watch this blernsball game to pass the time.

Fry: OKay. For your love of Blernsball, you remind me of my mother sometimes, Leela.

The Blernsball game on the TV showed the New New York Mets won 10-7!

TV: YES! THE NEW NEW YORK METS HAVE MADE IT TO THE UNIVERSE SERIES! THEY BEAT MISSOURI 10-7!

Leela: YES! YES! Our team won Fry!

Fry: That's nice. Cool our team won.

Zoidberg comes to Fry and Leela with the results as Bender runs up to them.

Bender: Oh your God! You should have seen that MRI machine Scruffy was in! He's not allowed to move and it makes these hilarious sounds in there! They go like boom...boom...boom...boom.... .BOOM...BOOM.....BOOM! (laughs) It was so awesome!

Leela: What's the prognosis with Scruffy, Zoidberg?

Zoidberg (shows them Xray chart): Scruffy has a demon inside him...

Hermes and Amy walk up to them and had Scruffy in a wheelchair.

Fry: Demon? I'm not liking this at all......

Zoidberg: Look I'll prove it!

Scruffy opens his mouth as Zoidberg uses a flashlight. Zoidberg sees a spider inside Scruffy's mouth. Zoidberg runs away and vomits.

Leela: Was there a demon in his mouth?

Zoidberg: gulp....gulp.......gulp...... ..gulp.......(vomits)

Amy: Whatever it was, it sure must have grossed him.

Bender: This coming from the master of being disgusting himself.

Zoidberg (done vomiting): It was a spider in his mouth!

Fry: (shrieks) That's even worse!

Leela: So, if it's a spider, then the demon was possibly a false positive on the MRI?

Bender: Would somebody please shut up about the positives!

Everyone heads back to Planet Express for some answers about the mysterious box.


Scene 9:

Later that afternoon, everyone came back to Planet Express from the hospital. Farnsworth finally got to the bottom of the mystery box.

Farnsworth: Good news, everyone!

Fry: Did you find out where the box is from?

Farnsworth: I have. It's called......hmmm....what was it called....oh yes......the Rid-Ex Box.

Then Farnsworth leads them to the viewscreen and hooks up a computer. The viewscreen shows a picture of a wooden box, a spider, and a planet.

Bender: Who the hell would name a demon box after some stuff for septic tanks?

Amy: Shut up, Bender!

Leela: What's the Rid-Ex do?

Farnsworth: Apparently, accroding to this computer, it has a spirit of a dead spider dictator inside. The Box is called Rid Ex because the spider dicator who died, his spirit was stuck inside the box for 1000 years from another planet. Thus the name of the box is called The Rid Ex Box.

Fry: Wait......what......SPIDER?!

Bender: Stuck for 1000 years. This dictator sounds like the spider equivelant of Fry!

Fry: Don't say that!

Hermes: Is the box from another planet?

Farnsworth: Yes it is. From the planet of Spidertopia! When Scruffy got the box, it posessed him and made him to all those bad things. That's because he was posessed by the spirit of Rid Ex! The evil spider dictator.  Who was killed and overthrown.

Leela: That explains everything. Is the spirit a demon?

Farnsworth: Well, it WAS an EVIL spirit so yes, you one eyed bimbo!

Bender: So much for false positives...

Farnsworth: Luckily the planet of Spidertopia as a priest there who can do an exorcism.

Fry: We don't have to go to this planet, do we?

Silence occurs.

Fry: WELL DO WE??


Leela: Of course we do. We would move heaven and earth to save any of our friends.

Bender: All of us go far when YOU'RE in trouble, Fry! (sarcastically): Believe us!

Fry (terrified): No No! Please! I can't be part of this mission! Can't I stay here?

Farnsworth: Yep, you have to go too, Fry. You are the delivery boy after all!

Hermes: You're going to Spidertopia with us and that's it!

Fry: NO! PLEASE! I hate spiders! They're so gross!

Bender carries Fry into the Planet Express ship.

Amy: Don't worry, Fry. We're all going as a team.

Leela: That's right. As a team.

And with that everyone boarded the Planet Express ship, to take Scruffy to the exorcist. Scruffy was all worn out and still spazzes out every now and then. The Planet Express ship has taken off for the planet of Spidertopia. Much to Fry's dismay who is heard screaming all thoughtout New New York.

Fry: SPIDERS!!! EEEEEEKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

Petunia (yelling at the sky): So you're afraid of spiders! Get over it!


Scene 10:

Leela was flying the Planet Express ship to planet Spidertopia. Fry was fearful of the planet. Scruffy was now staring at the blank walls and drooling.

Hermes: Sweet Metric Tons of Houston! Did we forget the box that Scruffy had?

Bender (opens his compartment): Have it right here! Hopefully it'll posess me now and make me do all those cool bad things!

Leela: Thank heavens we didn't forget it. We need that so Scruffy get an exorcism and the evil spider spirit can go into the box! Seen a lot of horror movies to know that!

Fry: Oooooh! Wish you people would stop talking about spiders! Don't know what's worse. Spiders or evil demon spirits! They're so creepy! They'll probably shoot us with webs and eat us all! Let's all just go back to Earth and have the exocist come there, Leela!

Bender: Oh Your Godammit Fry! Ever since we left all you did was mope and cower! We're going to Spidertopia and that's it! Toughen up for once!

Zoidberg: I have no problem with going.

Amy: Nobody cares, Zoidberg.

Fry: No! I won't! Maybe there's just some things in this life you can't be tough about! And spiders is one of them!

Bender: You really need to man up! Amy's more of a man than you!

Amy: Splay!

Leela: Settle down people. We're in Spidertopia in 5 minutes.

Fry: Here goes nothing!

The Planet Express ship lands in Spidertopia. They land in a part that looks like a medeval kingdom. The castles and fortresses all were made out of spider webs. Spiders lived there and were going about their lives.

Bender: See Fry? Those spiders don't even know we're here.

Fry: They will eventually.

Amy: We need to find this exorcist.

Hermes (holds the box): It says on the box, "If someone gets posessed by this, contact Reverend Volta".

Fry: Spider reverends? Yeesh!

Leela: All we need to do is find this Volta spider.

Zoidberg (huffs and puffs): Scruffy needs to go on a diet!

As Zoidberg was carrying Scruffy. They all see a church in a distance that was in a dessert part of the area out of the kingdom.

Bender: A church. That could be where they are.

Leela: Only way to be sure. There's some spiders in the building next door. Fry. Go to those spiders and ask them if Reverend Volta is in that church.

Fry: WHAT?!?!!? You want ME to ask them?

Amy: You have to overcome your fears sometime, Fry.

Hermes: Or else it'll consume you and you'll be no better than Zoidberg.

Bender (shoves Fry): Get your scrawny ass out there and ask those spiders.

Fry: Fine! You'll all regret this if I get eaten! (points his index finger) I HATE you all for doing this to me!

They all watch Fry go off into the desert to ask the spiders next door to the church if Reverend Volta was there.

Fry: Me. Always has to be me! Never Bender. Never Leela. Never Hermes. Never Amy. Never Zoidberg! Me! Always me! Always has to be me! Always telling me what to do! Fry do this! Fry do that!

As Fry approaches the spiders, he sees their cooking something in a pot. He still complains and he's mumbling under his breath.

Fry: Why do I have to be here? This is torture! Why do I have to be here for when I can be at home, drinking Slurm, eating pizza and watching cool shows from the Worlds Blankiest Blank Genre, The Scary Door, and All My Circuits.....

The spiders see Fry as he walks up to them.

Fry: Excuse me, Mr Spiders. Or Misses Spiders......Do you know of a Reverend who works at the church there?

Spiders: DINNER!

Fry: (screams and runs away) I knew this would happen!

The Spiders were chasing Fry. Everybody else was looking on.

Fry: TL! BR! HELP!!!!!

Leela: TL? BR? What's he talking about?

Bender: Our initials, Leela. He's been watching too much Danger Mouse. Everytime Penfold gets chased, he usually says, "DM! DM! help".

Zoidberg: At least that's not me! It's usually me being chased.

Bender: Look at Fry running there! He's like the Naked Prey! (laughs) But he's no Cornell Wilde!

Fry manages to get away from the Spiders. Then Fry jumps into Bender's arms and then a sand trap falls beneath all of them.

Everybody: WOAH!!!!

They all land in a spooky looking Hallway. The hallway was full of brick walls and a Rogue's Gallery of Spiders. Scruffy was jumping up and down and blithering gibberish. A robbed figure was secretly following them.

Scruffy: Suffering Suckatash! Suffering Suckatash! I'm not OKay! I'm not OKay!

Bender (looks at Scruffy): Were there Mexican Jumping Beans in that box or something?

Leela: What is this place?

Fry: Did us all a favor. At least we're away from those scary spiders.

Bender: Wow. Like this place. This looks like someplace a serial killer would hide dead bodies.

Amy: You're so gruesome, Bender.

Hermes: This could be where the Reverend really is.

Zoidberg (sees a spider egg): Great! Lunch! (runs after the spider egg)

Leela: Get your ass back here, Zoidberg!

Zoidberg starts eating the spider egg and sirens go off.

Fry: YUCK! That grossed me when Zoidberg ate that!

Hermes: Never mind your sensitivity! What about those sirens!

Amy: Guards are coming!

Spider Guard: You desecrated our Spider Eggs. Everytime when outsiders steal our stuff, we arrest them!
You're all under arrest!

The Spider Guard makes them all assume the surrender postition and leads them to a Ruler. The Ruler's name was Boris, the ruler of all Spidertopia. Boris's room looked like a typical king's throne room. Boris was sitting on a lounge chair.

Boris: What do we have here? What's wrong with that one? (points to Scruffy)

Spider Guard: We caught these outsiders eating one of our spider eggs, sir.

Boris: Lock them in the dungeon!

Spider Guard: As you wish sir!

Leela: No! You don't understand! We need to find Reverend Volta!

Amy: Our janitor friend here is posessed by your box!

Bender: Lock up the humans, let me go! Oh, and eat the lobster!

They were all being lead to a dungeon.

[Reply #2 on:]

See?  Isn't it better when they all get captured?  Here's the ending.

Scene 11:

The Planet Express Crew was now locked in a dungeon. They all berate Zoidberg. Scruffy was now spinning.

Scruffy: You spin me right round baby....

Fry (cries): This is the worst mission ever! Scary spiders! Can't get that image out of my head of Zoidberg eating a spider egg! (sobs)

Bender: You say that about EVERY mission!

Leela: See what your lack of impulse control has gotten us, Zoidberg?

Bender: Must be your tapeworm!

Hermes: Because of you, we might not ever be able to cure Scruffy.

Zoidberg: Have mercy on me! I'm sorry! Can't help it if I'm hungry!

Amy: We should never bring him on missions ever again! (sees a vase) There could be a snake in here that could bite us! Way to go, weirdo!

Leela: We'll get to that soon, Amy. (To Zoidberg): We should have you fired Zoidberg! You destroyed Planet Express!

Zoidberg: If I'm fired where will I go?

Leela: You can go to Joliet Illinois for all we care!

Bender: Got a better place for him in Illinois! Pembroke! (laughs)

Hermes: Say, wait a minute. Did you say you saw a snake in a vase Amy?

Amy: Yes. Have any ideas?

Bender: Snake charmer dance?

Leela: That gives us an idea!

Fry: What? Now snakes?

Leela:    Yes, Fry!  Afraid so!  !   Hermes. You play the flute.

Hermes (takes out flute): It's everywhere I want to be.

Leela: When we get the snake out, we'll set it free and it could bite through the walls!  Snakes have very sharp teeth.

Zoidberg: Whatever you guys do, don't play I Want You To Want Me!  Everytime I hear that song something pops!

Leela: That's even better! Zoidberg has strength that can get us out of here!

Bender: Not as much as me! All in favor of seeing Zoidberg nuts, say AYE!

Everybody: AYE!

Leela: Zoidberg going nuts could be our only way out!

Zoidberg: Don't do it! Don't do it!

Hermes starts playing I Want You To Want Me on his flute. Zoidberg gets all strong and powerful.

Zoidberg: GRRR! GRRR! GRR! GRR! GRR!! ROAAARRRR!!!!

Then Zoidberg's strength and rage causes him to break down the dungeon door and punch the walls. Everyone was free.

Amy: All right! It worked! We're free!

They all walk out of the dungeon to look for the Boris the Spider Ruler. Then they get caught by guards again.

Fry and Zoidberg: GUARDS!!!!

Then the guards capture them again and show them to Boris. Everyone objects and talks over one another.

Boris: You mean these fools escaped?

Spider Guard #1: They tried to.

Spider Guard #2: Should we put them back in the dungeon sir?

Then a Spider dressed as a Reverend comes out. It was Reverend Volta. He was the robed figure that followed the Planet Express crew.

Bender: Hope he doesn't start singing like James Brown.

Reverend Volta: Wait Great leader. Spare them. One of them is posessed. I secretly followed them. One of them tried to look for me.

Boris: I see. OKay. You can stay. If you want an exorcism, you all need to do a comedy sketch!

Bender: Comedy Sketch? That is something I am best at! I'm the one with the hilarious sense of humor around here.

Boris: But first, you all have to sit through these dances.

Boris clapped his hands and a Spider Belly Dancer comes out and dances to Surfer Blood's Demon Dance.

Leela: This song is called Demond Dance by Surfer Blood.

Fry: Hmmm. That's a fitting song for this situation.

Leela: One of my favorite bands.

Scruffy even tries to imitate and Zoidberg holds him down.

Once the Belly Dancer was done, a Russian style dance song plays as they watch a Spider do tricks with sticks and fire. The Spider dancer was a male who's dressed in Russian garb.

Guards (singing In Russian):  Eyesh Dee!  Eyesh Dee!  Eyesh Dee!  Eyesh Dee!  Eyesh Eyesh Eyesh Eyesh Da Da Da!

Zoidberg: Wow! This is awesome!

Amy: Only Zoidberg would like something so lame.

Bender: Talk about a Red Nightmare! And I'm not talking Jack Webb.

Hermes: Let's get that spider to set Zoidberg on fire.

Zoidberg: Heyyyyyy....

The Spider was done with the fire dance routine after 5 minutes. Boris then orders them to do the comedy sketch.

Boris: Let the Comedy Sketch Proceed! (claps hands)

Fry, Leela, Bender, Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg all try to decide on what comedy sketch to do.


Scene 12 Conclusion:

The Planet Express Crew didn't want to keep Boris waiting, so they try to decide what comedy sketch they want to reeanct.

Hermes: We can do something Andy Kaufman did. Like that Mighty Mouse song....

Leela: How about we do something from Kids In the Hall? That was always a cool show.

Amy: Or maybe a Rowan's and Martin's Laugh In would be good. I can be Goldie Hawn's head.

Bender: Flip Wilson's The Church of What's Happening!  No wait, the spiders here won't get black ghetto humor!

Hermes: Not all black humor is ghetto!

Leela: Who's Line is It Anyway. We can do something from that!

Zoidberg: I got it!

Fry: What's your idea Zoidberg? Bad enough you got us captured.

Bender: Any idea of Zoidbutt's is bound to be bad!

Zoidberg: We can do that musical sketch Cabbage Rolls and Coffee!

Bender: No way, dingbat! That was the worst comedy sketch ever!

Fry: I agree! Remember seeing it on that HBO special Comic Relief back in my time. It was to benefit homeless people. (angerly) Once my parents and Yancy saw that sketch, they would NOT shut up about it!

Bender: Zoidberg's idea is out of the question! I Got it! We'll do the Three Stooges Maharajah sketch! I'll be Moe, Fry will be Larry, and Zoidberg would be Curly or whoever the third stooge is.

Leela: Fine. Let's see if it's okay with Boris. (to Boris) Your excellency. We decided what sketch we will do.

Boris: Excellent. If it's funny, you'll get your exorcism. If it's not, you'll all be executed! Got it!

Zoidberg (fearfully): We understand!

Bender: Places people!

Leela, Amy, and Hermes sat on the chairs in Boris's room. Fry, Bender, and Zoidberg did the sketch at the table. They were ready to do the sketch. Little did they know, Scruffy got snatched.

Bender: Leela, ask us if the Rajah has a trick.

Leela: So, does the Rajah have a trick?

Bender: We shall see! (To Zoidberg): Majah...

Zoidberg: Ah ha!

Bender: Rajah! Rosani mickalinka zocka goochie How do you say......uh, pickle pooss... mi askie taskan fa fi he fo fine, do you have a trick for goodness sake?

Zoidberg: Rosani mickalinka zocka gooch! Throw knives!

Bender: Knives? Oh boy! (standing up): The rajah says he will throw some knives. The target here will be at random (points to Fry)

Boris was watching but was not amused.

Fry: Wait? I'M the target!

Bender (shoves Fry against the wall): Yes you are!

Fry: But he's blind as a bat!

Bender: Blind as a bat! He can see better than you can and I can prove! Where's some knives.

Amy (finds and knives and hands them to Bender): Here's some.

Bender (goes up to Zoidberg): Rajah! Knifies!

Zoidberg: Where?

Bender (hits Zoidberg over the head with the knives): Knifies! Knifies! Knifies!

Zoidberg (turns around): Knifies? (takes the knives) Oh, knifies!

Bender: This-a way! (leads Zoidberg 10 yards away from Fry)

Hermes: Would you like a drumroll?

Bender: Yes.

Hermes does a drumroll, Zoidberg then gets spun around by Bender. Zoidberg is dizzy and throws the knife at Fry's direction and misses him.

Zoidberg: Knife Throw!

Bender (sees Zoidberg has missed): Misser!

Zoidberg: Misser? Impossible!

Fry: Misser? What is he aiming at!

Bender: You'll find out. Rajah knifies?

Just as Zoidberg was about to throw some more at Fry, Rev. Volta comes inside to put a halt on the sketch.

Rev. Volta: Stop! Your friend has disappeared!

Leela: Disappeared! Who took him?

Rev. Volta: It was a decendent of our dictator of 1000 years ago. The spirit who was trapped inside the box in the first place. Please your excellency, you must let us do this exorcism now!

Boris: Okay, I approve! But be sure those outsiders never return here to Spidertopia again.

Rev Volta: Yes your excellency. It will be done.

Bender: Do you know where they took him?

Rev. Volta. Yes, it's that church. Follow me!

The Reverend leads the crew to his dunebuggy and drives out of the palace and goes to the church. They all break into the church. The church looked like a medeval Roman Catholic church. They all see a Spider dressed in black robes electricuting Scruffy with a tazer. Scruffy was tied to a chair.

Scruffy: AAAAHHHH!!!!!!!

Rev Volta: What is the meaning of this?

Spider: He desectrated our box by touching it! Now he holds the spirit of our sacred dictator! I am his desendent!

Amy: What is your name?

Spider: El Cid Ex! As like our dictator Rid-Ex!

Leela: Just like the name of the box!

Fry: Let our friend go now!

El Cid-Ex: NEVER! You'll have to catch me first!

Song: Ghost Secular Haze plays

Bender: How about we beat the crap out of you, instead! C'mon Leela! Let's kick some spidey sense into this asshole! I'll ring the bell, 'ding ding'!

Leela: I'm with you Bender!

Bender and Leela both fight El Cid-Ex as Rev. Volta, Fry, Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg watched.

Leela: This is what you get for posessing our friend! (karate kicks El Cid-Ex) Hee-yah! Hee-yo!

Bender: You and your planet, your box, your dictator's spirit can all bite my shiny metal ass! (punches and kicks El Cid-Ex)

Fry: That's it! I am not going to be a stand-around-and-do-nothing type anymore! (runs off)

Everyone stand by when Bender and Leela beat up El Cid-Ex. Then after El Cid-Ex is defeated, he is knocked out. Fry comes back with a hammer and hits the comatose El Cid-Ex with the hammer.

Fry: Now to help my friends finish you off!

Then Fry hits El Cid-Ex over the head with the hammer. White puss comes out of it.

Fry: Hmmm. Think I'm finally over my fear of spiders!

Leela: Good for you, Fry. Thanks for helping us.

Bender: I won't look too far if I ever need a hitman!

Amy: That was awesome what you did.

Fry: It was the least I could do. (dejectedly): Can I go home to my jammies and teddy bear yet?

Bender (groans in frustration): Sure! Whatever!

Rev Volta: This isn't over yet. We must exorcise him.

Bender: You gonna use a cross?

Rev Volta: Nope. A wooden ladybug! (takes out a wooden ladybug)

Bender: HA! HA! HA! HA! A ladybug? What's that thing going to do with the spirit? Make it pretty?

Rev Volta: Open the box. You better all hold onto each other, it's about to get very windy.

Then Rev Volta screamed in latin and threw the wooden ladybug on Scruffy. Everything gets very windy. Stuff from the church like alters, bibles, seats, and golden cups start flying around. Fry, Bender, Leela, Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg all held onto pillars and were about to fly away.

Zoidberg: If we look at the spirit, are we going to melt?

Hermes: That's the Ark of Covenant you idiot!

Then the spirit of Rid-Ex comes out of Scruffy's body. And slowly gets sucked into the box.

Rid Ex: You haven't seen the last of me yet!

The spirit goes into the box and it locks automatically. Scruffy is saved.

Amy: All right! It worked! Scruffy's back! You did it Rev Volta!

Song Ends.

Bender: Yeah yeah yeah. We all did it. Let's get over ourselves!

Leela: As a team. As always.

Fry: So happy Scruffy's back. Anything else I can do?

Leela (hands Fry her pocket knife): Why don't you go cut Scruffy loose?

Fry (walking up to Scruffy): What up, Scruffy? No more boxes for you for a while, huh?

Scruffy: I don't know what I was thinking. Sorry to put you through all of this.

Then Fry unties Scruffy with Leela's pocket knife. Bender now has the box.

Fry: Sure is good to untie somebody else. It's usually me who's getting untied. This wasn't your fault. Zoidberg sidetracked us.

Scruffy: Second that.

Bender: Welp, you can now go back to working with garbage. What you do best!

Scruffy was untied by Fry as he laughed at Bender's insult.

Amy: What exactly at the Moon Flea Market did you get the box?

Scruffy: In the cleaning supplies. The guy that was torturing me there was the one who sold it to me.

Hermes: Did he tell you anything about it?

Scruffy: He said it would make me clean better. Never did.

Zoidberg: I think he wanted to trick you so he can torture you.

Scruffy: Then he told me wait and to bring it back and he gave me a warning about something about my desecrating it, but I didn't listen. Guess he wanted revenge on me.

Rev Volta: You all should go back to your planet now. Boris will be very pissed if he saw me with you guys.

Leela: Thanks for all your help getting our friend back, Reverend! Goodbye.

Everybody said goodbye to Rev Volta.

Bender: Give Boris my worst! Tell him I'd make a better leader of a planet than him!

Rev Volta: We'll do robot. We'll do.

They all head back to the Planet Express ship and take off for Earth. Leela advises everybody to destroy the box.

Leela: So nobody else has to go through what we went though, we must destroy the Rid-Ex box.

Bender: I'll do it! I'll throw it out the window! (chucks the Rid Ex box out of window)

Fry: Feeling better, Scruffy?

Scruffy: Back to my old Scruffy self! Thank you all again for saving me. Didn't think you cared about me.

Amy: Sure we do! You're our friend.

Hermes: We go way out of our way to help each other! Expect for Zoidberg.

Zoidberg: NNNNNOOOOO!!!!! When will you all stop insulting me? (sobs)

As the Planet Express ship heads back to Earth, the Rid Ex box was floating in space until a hovercar hits it. The Rid Ex box smashed to pieces. Ndnd and Lrrr were driving the hovercar that hit the Rid Ex Box.

Lrrr: Oh no! Go out and check that thing I hit Ndnd!

Ndnd: I will do no such thing!

Lrrr: It could have been a Poppler I hit!

Ndnd: Just keep going, Lrrr! Just...keep.....going!


10 Years later.

Fry and Leela were both married and in their mid forties. They were reading a bedtime story about their expirence with the Rid-Ex box with their kids Yancy and Munda.

Fry: (reading from the book): And that's how Mommy, Daddy, Hermes, Bender, Amy, and Zoidberg all freed Scruffy from the Rid-Ex Box. The End.

Leela: We hope you enjoyed our wonderful adventure story written by your father himself!

Yancy and Manda: Hooray!

Fry: OKay, kids. We're going out to dinner now.

Leela: We're leaving you with a baby sitter.

Yancy and Munda: Awwwww....

Leela: Don't worry. It's a fun one!

The door knocks.

Fry: Here he is right now.

Leela and Fry answered the door and it was Boris the Spider King!

Boris: I'll take care of your kids!

Fry and Leela both screamed and ran away.

Boris was really Bender in disguise. Bender takes off his spider costume and greets Yancy and Munda.

Bender: Ha ha ha ha ha! 10 years later, I still got 'em! Let's have some fun kids!

Yancy and Munda (clap their hands): YAY! Hooray for Uncle Bender!

For more information to see how the characters futures turn out, read Haunted Moon Yonder for details.


THE END