« on: 02-20-2013 10:04 »
A red-painted bender unit with a dark-red star in his forehead stands in front of the PEEL. An epic and ominous music starts playing. Bender begins to shout loudly and demanding:
- Listen here you capitalistic meat bags! The time has come for you to taste the might of the brave warriors of Sovietorama! Tremble in fear for we have come to start... AN INVASION!!!…
No, not that one. Again, please!
[Music stops and starts from the begining]
- We have come to start… AN AGRESSION!!!…Nope… an occupation?
[Murmurs to himself]
- Damn, what was this word, which ends with “tion” like aggression, but with a lot less shouting… [takes a Soviet-English dictionary]. Let’s see… assimilation, annexation, brainwashing, conscription… aaahh, there it is.
- We have come to start… A CONVERSATION!!! It’s just like aggression but without shooting. Which is boring…oh well, we all have our orders.
Here I have a letter for you from my Supreme Commander, I don’t know what it is about, but I’m sure it contains a demand for immediate and unconditional capitulation. I will read it how:
“On behalf of Russian Futurama fan-society (in particular ISFF) we greet our colleagues from PEEL. Maybe some of you still remember an incident when a member of PEEL with a name “eyeball” presented himself as a Russian fan fiction writer Inf_Guard and posted prompt-translated fan fic “I choose my role” and a bit later was revealed as an imposter by real Inf_Guard. It was not the fact that he posted an Inf_Guard’s fan fic without asking him first that enraged us (we have no problems with that), but the fact that it was terribly translated (if you can call this pile of prompt-perverted sentences a translation) and that “eyeball” presented himself as other person.
And so, while using thermo-rectal crypto-analyzer (a.k.a soldering-iron) on “eyeball” to help him reconsider his actions we’ve come to a consensus that we should make our own translations, with blackjack and hookers and no prompt, no sir! After that we started to work on our newest project to establish a strong and potent connection with our American comrades via fan fiction (and maybe fan art).
We decided to start with of the Inf_Guard’s fan fic first to cleanse his name from all dirt that could stick to him after eyeball’s diversion.
Me and my comrades, who will join us later, hope that our initiative will be accepted by your community and you will help us with this international dialog.
Best regards, Tovarish Bender.”
[The bender unit throws the letter away]
- I didn’t really understand what this letter was about, apart from the soldering-iron part, he-he. But I advise you to do as it was said. OR I WILL DESTROY YOU!! Now, organics, where can I get some vodka here?!