I've finished editing the first of my three-part fan fiction. It is long, but I wasn't sure whether I should break it into multiple posts in case that violated a rule somewhere. I haven't seen any of the new season since you've pretty much got to build a SETI-sized satellite out here to get reception and cable is a laughable 20 years away, so bear with me if characters have been written off the show this summer. If any content is questionable please let me know and I'll edit it further. I suppose I owe some credit to my seventh-grade English teacher for making us read Flowers for Algernon as the overall story borrows from it. I haven't finished rewriting parts of the second installment (Flowers for Frygernon, in case you're curious) but hope to have it up next week.
Part One: The Eternal Sunshine of the Thoughtless Mind
Who's Who:
F= Fry
P= Professor Farnsworth
B= Bender
A= Amy
H= Hermes
L= Leela
Z= Zoidberg
LB=LaBarbara
S= Scruffy
Minor characters introduced as needed.
Full cast is seated around the Planet Express Table watching a hologram while Hermes points at it.
H: And dat concludes my presentation on de mandatory all-staff Saturday work day.
A: Spleesh. I don't see why we should all have to suffer and clean up after Bender's locker room cigar collection caught fire.
L: Yeah, scrubbing all those smoke marks from the walls sounds like it should be a janitor's job.
S: Special collection maintenance were not part of Scruffy's contract. Mmm, nope.
B: I think the real suffering here is done by me, Bender. It took me forever to steal all those cigars and now they're gone!
F: At least we all get the afternoon off since we're coming in tomorrow, right Professor?
P: A capital idea. Everyone, you have the afternoon off.
All: Hooray!
P: Incidentally, I'll need you to stay late, Fry.
F: What? Aww, man.
A to L: Hey Leela, the Hip Joint is having a Ladies Night Special. Wanna go?
L: You know, I think that sounds pretty good. I got a new *blue* tank top I've been just dying to wear. I just haven't had an occasion for it.
F: What about the romantic picnic I invited you to for Sunday?
L: Not special enough.
F: Damn.
A: Hermes, do you think LaBarbara might like to come, too?
H: De wife did mention wanting to get outta de house more. What time should I tell her to meet you dere?
A: How 'bout nine?
L: That seems a little late to start.
A: Nothing good gets started 'til at least then.
H: Okay, I'll tell dat wife of mine nine.
B: Well pal, sorry you've got to stay here. I've got a floozy or two who might want to meet me for an early dinner. Don't wait up.
F: -Sigh.-
L: Fry, could you do me a favor?
F: Anything. What do you need?
L: Do you think you could take care of Nibbler tonight? I don't know how late I'll be out and I don't want him cooped up all evening.
F: Yeah, I guess so.
L: Here. <hands Fry Nibbler's leash and a ham.> I'm all out of Kibbles 'n Snouts, so this'll have to do.
F: All right. I'll bring him back tomorrow and you can pick him up.
L: Thanks a lot. <gives Fry a peck on the cheek. Fry brightens.> You're such a good friend.
F: Ugh, friend.
Everyone leaves, laughing merrily except for Professor Farnsworth, Fry, and Dr. Zoidberg.
F: Dr. Zoidberg, aren't you going out?
Z: Out? But I live here.
F: Well, when I get done, you wanna grab a beer?
Z: Beer? With friends? Zoidberg?! It would be an honor!
P: Come along, Fry. You can discuss your social agenda later. I need you in my laboratory.
In the lab.
P: I've been working on a new device for my upcoming Association competition.
F: Association?
P: Oh my, yes. The Association of Borderline Unethical Science Experiments.
F: Wait a second. Doesn't that spell...Ab-use? This isn't some dumb piece of exercise equipment, is it?
P: No, it's a special memory enhancement device.
F: Memory enhancement?
P: Ahh... At my age, you see, all my best years are admittedly behind me. Unfortunately I find myself forgetting things these days. I have so many happy memories just fading away- my first public nudity citation, the recipe for my doomsday cupcake batter, the location of my atomic powered dentures...
F: Well, can I see it?
P: See what?
F: The memory thingy.
P: The memory wha-?
F: Your new invention.
P: Oh, yes! Here it is.
He pulls away a curtain from a corner of the lab. There on a pedestal sits an object that looks like a metal headband with an antenna and a monocle attached.
F: Huh. Doesn't look like much.
P: It doesn't have to! What matters is that it works, and that's precisely why I want you to test it.
F: What do I do?
P: Just put it on and then concentrate on a memory. Any memory will do. Once you have something you want to remember in better detail, turn the dial under the antenna and you'll be able to see a crystal-clear image on the viewing lens.
F: Okay, here goes. <takes a deep breath and puts it on>
P: Now start with something easy and relatively recent, like Hermes' presentation.
F: But Professor, I spent that whole meeting picking lint out of my belly button.
P: Just do it damn it! Science doesn't care about your lint.
F: All right, I'm starting to see something on the lens. It's my hand and, oh, well uhh..
P: What do you see?
F: I was, err, staring at Leela.
P: Now, turn the dial forward.
F: Whoa! Hermes' voice just got louder!
P: Can you hear what he's saying?
F: Not only that, but I can even hear Bender humming. I didn't notice that earlier. Sounds like "Oh Susanna."
P: That's the beauty of it. My machine essentially allows the user to re-experience any given memory. Anything you missed the first go 'round can be reexamined later.
F: What do you call it?
P: I thought of a good name during Hermes' incredibly long lecture, but it escapes me. Now that I know my newest device is an overwhelming success, I'll use it to remember what I want to name it.
F: Well that was easy. Can I go home now?
P: I suppose so. I do need to make one minor adjustment for fit while it's on something other than a Rhesus monkey. Do you mind?
F: Nah. Go ahead.
Professor Farnsworth rattles the contents of a drawer and pulls out something like a nuclear powered socket wrench.
P: Now just hold still. Oh, blast!
He fumbles the tool and an explosion knocks F off of the lab stool. Both of them are blown onto the ground, the circuitry on the memory device crackling with electricity. Fry's hair gets singed and Professor Farnsworth has a few small blazes on his lab coat. After a moment they both sit up.
F: What happened?
P: I'm not sure. I think my power wrench shorted out.
F: How's the memory thingy?
P: In about a dozen pieces, that's what.
F; Bummer, it was pretty neat. You probably would have won.
P: I'll have it fixed up in time for the deadline. The trick is going to be finding enough Unobtanium to repair the antenna. That stuff doesn't come cheap, you know!
Fry helps Professor Farnsworth pick up the busted memory device and then heads out to the lounge.
***
Part 2
Lounge at Planet Express. Dr. Zoidberg is on the couch twiddling his claws.
F: Yo Dr Z. You ready to go?
Z: I've put on my best sandals.
F: Those are the same ones you always wear.
Z: But they're also my best ones.
F: Point taken. Let me just grab Nibbler and we'll be off.
They walk down to O'Zorgnax's Pub. Fry hitches Nibbler's leash to a lamppost outside and gives him the ham. Nibbler immediately devours it, coughs up the bone onto the sidewalk, then burps.
F, to the bartender: Let's see. Two beers, whatever you've got on tap.
Bartender: Two beers, comin' up.
The bartender slides the beers down the bar and they each catch one. Zoidberg, however, can't get a grip on the handle to his mug.
F: How about a straw for my friend?
Z: Thank you, Fry. Your kindness is so touching.
F: No problem. I figured since everyone else was going out tonight I might as well hang out with you. Beats sitting in the apartment alone.
Z: And this is far better than sitting in the dumpster!
F: Amen to that. <Takes a swig of beer.>
Z: So, Fry, how about we make some casual conversation, maybe?
F: Yeah, okay.
They each nurse their beers for a long period of silence.
Z: Are you going to say something?
F: I was waiting for you.
Z: I don't really have anything to talk about. I was hoping you would provide the casual conversation.
F: well, I could use some advice.
Z: Advice? Now this is a real discussion! I will listen as well as any agony aunt.
F: What do you think I should do about Leela?
Z: What, has she come down with fin fungus? There's only one thing to do about that, I'm afraid. <One of his tentacles makes the little neck chop motion.>
F: No, no. She doesn't have fin fungus. I wanted your opinion on what to do about our relationship.
Z, taking a slurp of his beer and then clacking his claws: This is good stuff. I'm not much on the relationship advice, having never had one.
F: Yeah, me neither. At least not any that were any good.
Z: Have you tried doing the things human females like, such as giving her the reproductive organs of a fragrant plant?
F: I've thought about it, but I don't know what she likes.
Z: What about writing her a treatise on how lovely her facial features are? You could start out with describing how the diameter of her ocular cavity makes you think of the beauty of space?
F: Ahh, Bender used my thesaurus when he ran out of rolling papers. Now only the sections for words starting with V through Z are left.
Z: Perhaps a box of puppies or kittens would make the cyclops happy?
F: Tried that. Nibbler always eats them so she thinks I’m giving her empty cardboard boxes for no good reason.
Z: Fry, you have presented me with quite the conundrum. Maybe the best thing to do is keep doing what you are doing and hope she likes it better sometime in the future.
They sit and ponder things for a while, chatting as the pub becomes more crowded. Fry orders them another round of beer when his phone rings. It's a little after seven according to the clock on the bar wall.
F: Huh. It's Leela. Do you mind if I take this?
Z: Not at all. I'll even watch your drink for you, I will.
F: Thanks.
He answers his phone as he walks outside the pub. Nibbler comes over and starts running in circles around Fry’s legs, wrapping the leash tight.
F: Hello?
L: Fry, it's me.
F: I know. That's why I answered it. Everything okay?
L: Yeah, I just wanted to apologize for something.
F: Oh. What's that?
L: I shouldn't have shot you down like that in front of everyone.
F: I'm pretty used to it by now.
L: I still shouldn't have done it.
F: Well, I appreciate you calling.
L: So, this picnic Sunday, you still up for that?
F: Sure!
L: What did the professor want you to do today?
F: Ahh, he was testing some new invention of his. It broke, though.
L: That's probably for the best. I'm pretty sure I'm going to have a sizable scar from when his Automatic Defoliant Sprayer malfunctioned in the Junglarium. How's your chemical burn healing up?
F: I think most of it's gone from my back but I can't see it to know for sure. I do know it’s finally stopped oozing.
L: He sure knows how to invent crap.
F: That's for sure. I need to get going, though. Zoidberg's watching my beer and I think he might be watching it with more than just his eyes.
L: Whoa- you and Zoidberg are out at a bar together?
F: I figured it was better than doing nothing.
L: I guess so...
F: Okay, well I will see you early tomorrow. Have fun out with Amy and LaBarbara. But not too much!
L: All right, see you tomorrow morning.
F: Later, Leela.
L: Bye.
Fry tries to take a step but topples over onto the sidewalk.
Passerby: Looks like somebody’s had too much to drink!
F: I haven’t yet but I will later!
Fry disentangles himself from the leash and heads back inside. Zoidberg waves wildly at him, grinning and waving a tentacle, too.
Z: You came back!
F: Well, yeah. I said I would, didn’t I?
Z: It wouldn’t be the first time somebody left Zoidberg at the bar alone after saying it would be just a minute.
F: Hey, where’d my beer go?
Z: Oh, here. I was keeping it warm for you.
He presses his arm into his side like a bellows and spews out the beer.
F, gagging: Uhh, gee. Thanks. I, uhh, I think I’ll order a fresh one. You know, to try something new.
Z: Eh, suit yourself. Mind if I have your old one?
F: Go ahead.
Zoidberg slurps up the regurgitated beer.
F: I think I’m gonna be sick.
***
Part 3
At the Hip Joint
A, L, & LB are in a booth with a number of empty glasses on the table. The club is packed with female characters like the Amazonians, Petunia in her sleezy pink dress, Hattie (sitting disgruntled in a corner), fembots, etc. Barbados Slim is dancing in a go-go cage hanging from the ceiling.
LB: So, den I say to him, dat green snake of yours had bettah not be slitherin' around no one else's sugah cane field but mine! And dat's how we met.
The all laugh.
L: I'm so glad we all got together. We Planet Express ladies need to get out every once in a while.
A: I second that. How about I get us a round of drinks?
LB: I could go for another of dese martinis.
L: Sure, thanks!
The glasses refill.
LB: So Amy, are you and Kiff back together?
A: Yeah. After that fling with Bender I realized that maybe a more sensitive guy is more my style. At least I won't have to worry about bailing him out of lock-up!
LB: Not'ing wrong with dat.
L: You think you two will ever tie the knot? Again, I mean?
A: Eh, maybe. But I don't want to think too much on that tonight!
LB: Yah, we can leave dem menfolk out of de conversation.
A: No, Leela's still on the hook. <winks at her> Anything of interest in your life?
L: Ah, not too much. <Leela looks down and swirls her cocktail>
A: You know what I mean.
LB: I heard a rumor dat you and dat goofball from de 20th century were an item.
L: It's not entirely a rumor.
A: Ah ha! I knew it!
LB: So it's true, den!
A: I could see why you'd keep it to yourself. Fry's not exactly arm candy.
L: You're one to judge! You went out with him.
A: Yeah, but I've raised my standards a little since then.
L: Now listen here, he may be about as dumb as Zapp Brannigan is pompous, but he is... well, he has his own charms.
A: Yeah, yeah. Now get to the good stuff.
LB: Yah, are you sleepin' with dat blast from de past or not?
L: Uh, no.
A: Why are you holding out on him? He's not *that* bad. I mean, you slept with Zapp the first time you met!
L: Ugh. That was the worst decision I've ever made. I wish I could completely forget that pity you-know-what ever happened.
A voice rises from the next booth over...
Pardon me ladies, but did I hear the words "I wish I could completely forget" something?
Ogden Wernstrom stands up with a flourish.
A&L together: Dr. Wernstrom!
Dr W: The very same.
L: What are you doing here?
Dr W: I'm here to offer the services of my newest invention. There's no better testing ground for the Forget-me-Kwik Orb than the greatest source of deep regret: an ABC-on establishment.
A: How does it work?
Dr W: My invention works by selectively deleting a particular unpleasant memory from the user's mind.
L: Huh. Sounds harmless enough.
A: Can it remove more than one at a time?
L: Yeah, I think everyone at this table has something she'd like to forget.
LB: Dat week at de "spa" Dr. Zoidberg recommended.
A: How I ran off on Kiff while he was pregnant.
L: Zapp Brannigan. Everything about him.
Dr W: I don't see why it wouldn't work. Well, ladies, shall we?
He sets up an object that looks like a crystal ball in the middle of the booth's table. He holds a remote control and begins punching in numbers on the keypad. He asks each of them how long ago her memory took place.
Dr W, to Leela: Yours took place the longest ago, so I'll enter it first.
L: How do we know it's safe?
Dr W: This is my entry for the Association's "Mysteries of the Mind" competition. I'm not about to put a poorly-designed apparatus out there with my name on it, now am I? Not with my illustrious scientific reputation to uphold.
A: Sounds pretty reassuring.
LB: All right. Let's do dis!
Dr W: Now, gaze into the glass posi-sphere. Take a deep breath and focus on the worst part of your memory, be it an image, an emotion, a physical state...
L: How about all of the above?
Dr W: Shh. On the count of three I'll activate the delta wave scanner. One...two...three!
The orb burns bright blue and all three women's pupils dilate to enormous proportion. They all sway for a moment before the sphere fades into a soft, pulsing mauve.
Dr W: And now to set the targeted removal dates. <Three beeps issue from the remote.>
Dr W: The memories will be erased when I push the engage dial to "permanently remove."
The Forget-me-Kwik begins to pulse faster until it flashes like a strobe light. It gives one brilliant flash of red and then a readout prints from the base. Dr Wernstrom tears the readout into three sections and hands each woman a piece.
Dr W: You can thank me later by voting for my device in the popular opinion poll portion of the contest. It awards 30% of an invention's possible score, so I'm counting on satisfied customers such as yourselves to help me.
All three nod in unison. Dr W stands up and moves along to another booth where he begins his spiel to a new crowd of women in woe.
A, to L: Have we met before?
L: I don't think so. From the look of things, I've had a few drinks so maybe we have.
A: I'm Amy Wong, from Mars.
L, extending her hand: Nice to meet you. I'm Turanga Leela, of someplace. I'm not sure where my race hails from, but here I am.
A: This is LaBarbara Conrad. Her husband and I work together.
LB: Amy and I met at de company X-mas party last year.
L: You come here often?
A: Nah, just when there's a special event.
L: Is tonight one?
LB: Yah, looks like it's Ladies Night. <Pointing to Barbados Slim> Would you look at dat mon go?
A: This music is really getting to me. Anyone want to hit the floor?
L: You bet!
LB: All right!
Many, many hours later, the three stumble outside. Amy stands and the curb, flapping her arm wildly.
A: Taxi, pleash.
Kiff pulls up in Amy's hovercar: Amy! I've been waiting for you for hours. The bouncer wasn't letting anyone else in so I've just been making laps around this quadrant hoping you'd come out.
A: Well, hello good lookin'. <she gets in the car.>
K: You look like you've had a good time.
A: Not as good a time as you're about to have. What's your name, handsome?
K: Oh, is this role play? Ooh, goodie.
A: I'm Amy. Amy Wong.
K, puffing up a bit and trying to put on a bit of bravado: Nice to meet you, Amy Wong. I'm the Lieutenant on the Nimbus.
A: The Nimbus you say? Isn't that Captain Zapp Brannigan's ship?
K: It is, but I'm ready to mutiny against that stuffed-shirt gasbag.
A: Whoa, there. The only thing I want you overthrowing is my dress.
K: That doesn't quite make sense, but I'll go with it.
A: To the ship, Lieutenant!
Amy throws herself at Kiff and he drives away, saying "Oh, oh my. Oh my goodness me!"
As they drive off, Leela and LaBarbara can be seen getting into taxis and departing.
***
Part 4
Fry is leaned up against Leela's door. Nibbler is curled up on his lap and both are fast asleep. Fry looks quite grubby in dirty clothes with his face unshaven and his hair dishevelled. Beside them is a brown paper bag.
Suddenly, the door opens and Fly slumps over. He wakes up when he hits the ground and Leela nearly steps on him.
L: What the heck?
F: Leela! Oh, thank god you're all right. <scrambles to feet and hugs her> I came over as soon as I got off work.
L: Whoa, mister- what do you think you're doing? <pushes him away>
F: I've been so worried about you. I thought it was weird that I got to the office before you, but when you didn't show up at all I thought something terrible had happened.
L: What happened at the lab? Did someone thaw out that guy who looks like he's got the plague?
F: Uh no, Bender's cigar collection went up in flames. Don't you remember? We all were
supposed to come in this morning and scrub down the ceiling and walls.
L: Bender? Who's that? Are both of you new at the cryogenics lab?
F: What are you talking about? It's me, Fry. <a couple walk down the apt. hallway>
L: Fry who?
F, rolling his eyes and sighing: Very funny. I know you think I'm no great catch, but you don't have to pretend you don't even know me.
L: Look, I don't know who you think you're talking to, but you're obviously at the wrong door, delusional, or both. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some errands to run.
Nibbler scampers over and starts pawing at Leela's leg.
L: Well hey there, cutie.
F, huffing and crossing his arms: Insult to injury! You act like I'm some nut-job stranger but you're all over Nibbler.
L: As far as I can tell, you are some nut-job stranger.
F: I may be nuts, but I'm no stranger. If you're trying to break up with me, just come out and do it. You don't have to fake some kind of amnesia and make me feel like a complete idiot.
L: Wait, what? Are you saying we're together?
F: All right, I get it. You've been jerking my chain for the better part of a decade now. I guess it's really time to give up.
L: This is getting creepy. Are you stalking me?
F: No. I'm leaving. Here, take Nibbler. He was really well-behaved last night while you all were out at the bar. I picked up a can of Kibbles 'n Snouts on the way here since you said you were fresh out.
L: Uhh, thanks, I guess.
F: Before I go, will you be honest with me about something?
L: If it gets you out of here, then yes.
F: Did you meet someone while you and Amy and LaBarbara were out?
L: Hey!
F: I knew it. That's what this is all about. Last night you were all "Oh, yeah, that picnic sounds so nice, Fry." I bet you met another space captain and he wants to take you someplace fancy tomorrow.
L: No, but how did you know I was out with them? Were you there last night?
F: You're really taking this too far. I know you were out with them because I was right there in the conference room when Amy asked you to meet up the Hip Joint at nine.
L: That's where you're wrong. I'd never met either of them until last night. This conversation's over. Come back here and I'll call the police.
F: Whatever. You don't have to lie to me. See you at work Monday. <turns and walks away
dejectedly.>
As he approaches the stairwell, L runs after him.
L: Wait, Fry.
F: What, you're not done making me miserable?
L: There was something you said. Something about more than a decade.
F: Yeah, I said something about that.
L: Maybe you can help me. When I woke up this morning, the date on my wrist thingie said 3012.
F: So?
L: But it's the year 2999.
F: No, it's March 1st, 3012.
L: That makes no sense. Yesterday was February 28th, 2999.
F: No, look <points to own watch which reads: 17:39:04 03-01-12>.
L: gasps.
F: Leela, please. <takes her hands into his> Did something happen to you? Amy never came in today, but she's rich enough she can skip Saturday work if she feels like it.
L: If you're right, your watch, I mean... then I don't remember anything from the last thirteen years.
F, taking a deep breath: So this isn't just you dumping me?
L: Are we really together?
F: It's sort of on-again, off-again. <He scratches his head sheepishly> Mostly it's on when there's no one around and off when you get mad at me.
L: Oh.
F: We were married for a little while.
L: WHAT?
F: Don't worry. We aren't now. You divorced me because you were convinced I tricked you into it.
L, eyeing him: Wow, that sounds pretty...unbelievable, that I was married to you. I mean, unless you really did trick me.
F: I didn't.
L: Well what happened?
F: Look, why does it matter to you now? If you can't remember anything that's gone on between us, not the good stuff or even the crummy things, I don't see the point in rehashing the worst day of my life with someone who thinks I'm a complete stranger.
L, looking him right in the eyes: If I really have lost the last 13 years of my life, I could use some help figuring things out. You apparently know me well enough so if you don't have anywhere you're supposed to be, would you forgive me for earlier and come in for a bit? Maybe you can fill me in.
F: Of course I forgive you. Do you mind if I go home first, though? I don't want to get your furniture and floor all dirty. I don't think cigar smoke comes out too easily from all-white decor.
L: How do you know what the inside of my apartment looks like?
F: I've been in it.
L: Umm, have you been in it often?
F: Just once. You've got one chair, a TV, and your bedspread is...
L: You've been in my bedroom?!
F: Again, just once. <He blushes> It, uh, it didn't end well.
L: Did we...?
F, looking really embarassed: No. I blew that chance big time.
L: I thought I should ask, just to give me a sense of things.
F: Can we talk about this later?
L: Sure, sure. See you back here in about an hour?
F: Probably less. Do you want me to pick up dinner?
L: Well, I was headed out to get something to eat when you fell through my doorway. Wait, is this a date?
F, giving her a sidelong smile: It could be, if you want it to be.
L, warily: All right, it's a date, then. But don't try anything fresh.
F: Don't worry about that. I know you could kick my ass.
F leaves and L returns to her apartment.
In Leela's apartment.
L: This is so crazy. Some dirty guy shows up on my doorstep claiming 13 years have gone by
and he's my ex-husband/current quasi-boyfriend.
She starts rummaging through her cabinets but finds she only has one set of flatware and cutlery.
L: Guess I entertain about as much these days as I did then. Maybe I ought to run out to the store.
Nibbler meanders into the kitchen.
N: Leela, I must speak to you.
L: Nibbler? You can talk?
N: Yes, and verily I shall. What the one called Fry has told you is true.
L: How do I know you're not in cahoots with him? You did show up together.
N: You must trust me. My purpose on this planet is to help Fry protect all known existence. The fate of the universe has been in his hands more than once and he has not failed us yet.
L, crouching down next to N: The fate of the universe?
N: Aye, the very fabric of time and space itself. He is not always bright or brave, but he may be counted upon when the need is great.
L: I find it a little unlikely that someone so, well, unspectacular would save the universe.
N: Sometimes it is the most ordinary among men who is capable of the most extraordinary things.
L: Hmm. Still a bit shocking.
N: It will probably be less of a shock that he is very much in love with you.
L: I could tell.
-silence-
L: Am I in love with him?
N: As far as I know, you are not.
L: Do you think he knows?
N: Probably. He maintains an astronomical stockpile of hope, nonetheless. As do I.
L: You do?
N: My race has foretold many things and I aspire to facilitate our greatest prediction of all.
L: I don't suppose you could tell me about how I fit into it?
N: Nay, I may not speak of it to any but Fry, and only when the time is right.
L: Damn.
N: Yes, damn and double damn as it might encourage you to treat him better.
L: I take it I'm a little hard on him?
N: An understatement.
L: Maybe it's best I don't remember everything I've done. It doesn't sound like I'm that great a person to be around sometimes.
L wraps her arms around her knees and rests her chin atop her thigh. Nibbler reaches up
and pats her on the arm.
N: Take this as an opportunity to right that which has been so often wronged.
Leela sighs audibly and she stares off into the distance for a moment.
L: I suppose I had better get a move on before he gets back. How 'bout some Snouts for you and a shower for me, then I'll go out to the store so I don't look like the galaxy's worst hostess?
N: An idea that is both delicious and reasonable.
Leela gets cleaned up but finds herself hemming and hawing over what to wear. She starts
to pull out another clean tank top and pair of black leggings when something else comes to mind.
L, mind: Well, I did say it's a date.
She pulls out a denim skirt and a cream-colored sweater with 3/4 length sleeves. She fishes
around in the back of her closet and pulls out a pair of tan leather boots. As she pulls them
on, the embossed emblem on the back catches her eye.
L, mind: 'Frye.' How fitting.
She looks in the mirror and turns a bit in either direction.
L, aloud: Okay, attractive enough to be appealing, but conservative enough not to be confusing.
Now to get another set of tableware. And maybe a bottle of wine. Better make it two bottles.
By the time she returns, nearly an hour has passed. She looks around her living room and then punches a few buttons on her wrist thing.
L: Hello, Direct2U Furnishings?
Sales Agent: Yes, how may I help you?
L: I have a living room set I'd like to expand. Series 'Mod White, Uni."
Sales Agent: Okay, I have the catalog open.
L: I'd like to upgrade to the 'Doblo' package.
Sales Agent: Would you like an ottoman with that?
L: No thanks, just the couch and the table.
Sales Agent: Will that be Love Seat or Full couch?
L: Better make it Full. I might need to keep my distance.
Sales Agent: Particle destination address?
L: Apartment 1I, 2031 N 48th Street.
Sales Agent: Your purchase should be there within 4 seconds.
The chair turns green, crackles, and stretches out into a couch. A table materializes
and expands to match the couch length.
L: It's all here.
Sales Agent: Your card will be charged within 45 seconds. Thank you for shopping
with Direct2U Furnishings.
Just then there's a knock on the door. Leela answers it and Fry is standing there looking
nervous. He's wearing his brown dinner jacket over a turtleneck but he's still got on his black tennis shoes.Though his hair is back to normal, his face is still stubbly.
F: Hi, Leela. May I come in?
L: Of course.
F: Wow, you look amazing. I mean, your room does.
L: Thanks. I should have installed a window while I was at it, but I was in a bit of a hurry.
F: No need to apologize.
L: Have a seat. I've already set the table.
F, looking a little frantic: I totally forgot to get anything to drink.
L: Don't worry. I picked up some red wine, a Malbec and a Merlot. Oh, I guess I should have asked- do you drink?
F: Yeah. I'm usually more of a beer kind of guy, but I can class it up for a change.
L: Well, then let me get one of these opened up so it can air out a bit while we dish out the food.
F: Here, let me. I don't want you to get anything on your sweater.
L: Oh, it's non-staining.
F: That's a relief. When I get nervous I get a little shaky.
L: Are you nervous now?
F, voice wavering: Ye-es.
L: How about we do an introduction, then. You can go first since you already know me. Is Fry your real name or a nick name?
F: It's my last name. Legally I'm Philip J. Fry, but everyone just calls me Fry.
L: Funny, my given name comes last, too.
F: Yeah, I know. It was so weird seeing "Turanga" outside your parents' house.
L: You know my parents? They're alive?
F: Yes, they- oh that's right. You still think you're an orphan. Crud. Uh, your parents are mutants.
They live down in the sewers, but they've pretty much been granted a pass to come up to the
surface whenever they want to visit you.
L: This is...such a surprise. I need to sit down.
They move to the couch and Leela sets down the wine bottle between their places at the table.
F: I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. I should have told you better than that.
L: It's okay. I've just wondered my whole life about my past. Why did they abandon me? Why would they let me feel alone for so long?
F: How about I tell you about it while we eat?
L: Please do.
They settle down onto the couch and dig in to the dinner Fry has brought, which is takeout from
Elzar's. Time passes while Fry explains Leela's origins.
L: This is delicious, Fry.
F: I did have the advantage of knowing what you like.
L, laughing: You do have that in your favor. You have a great memory, by the way. Your stories are so detailed.
F: It’s kind of weird. Normally I have trouble remembering to put pants on before I leave for work.
L: Well I'm sure that's...
Fry cringes, waiting to hear some kind of jab but when Leela drops the subject, he shakes his head and goes back to eating.
L: Are you ready for a glass of wine?
F: Hell yeah. I mean, yes, please.
L, returning with two wine glasses: Here.
F: Thanks. Wait! <He reaches out and steadies her hand before she can raise the glass to her
lips.> I'd like to make a toast.
L: All right. Let's hear it. < She looks at him intently, making him a little uncomfortable.>
F, shifting his eyes back and forth: Uhh, now you've put me on the spot.
L: But you volunteered.
F: That was before you... okay, okay. <Deep breath> To Leela, the most wonderful woman
I've ever known, even if it is unbeknownst to her.
They both take a long drink. A very long drink. In fact, they both empty their glasses.
L: Care for a refill? <Fry just nods in reply.>
A few glasses later, the empty bottle is resting on the table. The second bottle is about two glasses in. Nibbler is sniffing around, picking off leftovers while Fry & Leela sit facing one another on the couch. She is on his right, with her left leg tucked up underneath her while her right dangles loosely over the edge of the couch. Fry is situated much the same way, just the mirror reverse. His dinner jacket is flung over the armrest. They are close enough that their knees almost touch.
F: And that's how Bender got banned from television.
L: Heh heh, he sounds like a lot of trouble.
F: He is.
L: And to think you met him in a suicide booth.
F: I know, right? I don't think many people can say they met their best friend in one of those.
They look at one another for a moment, and Leela inches closer to him on the couch. She puts a hand on his knee.
L: I know this is a pretty abrupt change of topics, but have you and I been together for long?
F: As far as you're concerned or I'm concerned?
L: Both, I guess.
F: I've felt pretty strongly about you for a long time. Years really. You've been a bit more reserved.
L: Oh.
F: Yeah, that about sums it up. Sometimes I feel like you are interested and then other times you throw me under the bus.
L: I guess it's a good thing I don't remember that.
F: I wish I could forget about it.
L: So, earlier you said that we were married.
F, his face clouding over as he pulls back from her: We were. But it didn't last long.
L: I'm sorry. You seem like a decent guy.
F: I can be when you give me half a chance.
L: I take it I don't give you many opportunities, do I?
F: From time to time you do, but it doesn't seem to make much of a difference.
L, looking away uncomfortably: It can't have been easy for you.
F: It wasn't easy. It all happened so fast- we were together and then we weren't.
L: I don't know what I might have said to you or done to you, but I hope you can accept an
apology for it now.
F: It's okay. Well, no actually, it isn't okay. For a moment, no matter how brief it was, I don't think anyone in the history of the human race could have felt happier than I did.
L: Was I happy?
F: I don't know. I don't think you would have agreed to marry me if you weren't, but then again I can't be sure. I do know that I'll never be able to do what I did again.
L: Will you please tell me what you did?
F: I'd really rather not.
L: It would mean a lot to me to know.
Fry closes his eyes, and recounts how he moved the stars into a message for Leela. As he does so, he can see (and we see) everything in his mind's eye all over again, just like how he was able to while wearing the Professor's memory-enhancement contraption. He describes the distant glimmer of each one as he moved them into place, the hum of the beam that was his constant companion, and how the entire nebula disappeared into a point of oblivion. Leela is held with rapt attention throughout. When he finishes, she stares down into her mostly empty glass. Fry leans back onto the couch and covers his eyes with his hand. Leela opens her mouth to speak but nothing comes out.
F: I think I should be going. It's getting late.
L: So soon?
F: There are things I'd rather not dwell on, and that's one of them. I think I might call Bender and see if he's up for a few rounds at the bar. I'd like to put this as far out of my mind as I can.
L: Is everything you just told me true?
F, offended: Why would you even ask? You know, last night you could have picked up any random guy at the club and you would believe whatever he told you- that he was a lion tamer, a 5-star space captain, or even the president of Jupiter. You would believe him and you wouldn't be the wiser even if he was lying. But me, I couldn't lie to you. Eventually you'll get your memory back and you'd be able to compare what I told you with what you remember yourself.
L: Fry, I-
F, cutting her off: No, listen Leela. I've kidded myself long enough. I've risked my life for you over and over again, but it's gotten me nowhere. You didn’t love me then and you don't even believe me now.
L: It's just that it's all news to me. It's hard to accept all at once.
F: Anyway, like I said, I should go. It was a nice enough night, but I've had enough.
L: Please don't go yet. There's still a lot I want to ask you.
F: That sounds about right. You want something from me, but I can't expect anything in return. Not even that you'd trust me.
L: I didn't mean it that way.
F: Whatever. Anyway, maybe it's best you forgot everything. It will make it easier for me to forget, too.
L: I can tell you're upset, but I didn't mean to offend you. I just can't believe some of what you've said. I need a little time for it to soak in.
F, standing up and putting on his jacket: You've had years to make up your mind about me. It's time for me to do myself a favor and cut my losses now. I have nothing to gain by
pretending anything happened that didn't. I have everything to lose but that's still not enough
by your count.
L: Are you sure-
F: Am I sure I won't regret giving up? No. I'll always have some shred of hope that one day you'll realize... I don't know.
L, standing up and grabbing his arm: Will you please stay for just a minute?
F, shaking off her hand: A minute longer would be too much for me right now.
This catches L off guard and the remainder of wine tumbles out onto her skirt.
L: Oh, holy hell.
F, grabbing a napkin: Oh gosh. I'm sorry.
Without thinking he starts dabbing at her skirt with a napkin.
L: No, no, let me get it. The bottle might say it's non-staining but I'm not taking any chances.
F: I'm sorry, L. You looked so nice tonight and I've ruined it.
L: Please, I'll take care of it. Besides, I'm sure what I said ruined things far more than a few drops of wine ever could.
F: I hope it comes clean.
L: I'm sure it will, I just need to take it off and get it right in the wash.
Before Fry can stand back up, Leela has unzipped the back of her skirt and is taking it off. Fry is visibly flustered, alternating between openly staring at her and trying to avert his gaze. He stands up awkwardly.
F: Oh, you, uhh. Wow.
L, looking down: Well, it needed to come off.
F: I didn't mean to spill...
L: It's all right.
F: I shouldn't have touched your-
L: It's no big deal. You were trying to help.
F: Uhh. I should be going...
L: You don't -slight pause- have to go, you know.
F: yeah, but your skirt, I...
Leela folds over her skirt and lays it on the couch before taking a step towards Fry. He is beyond stunned and is stock still with his mouth agape. She slips her hand under the lapel of his jacket, resting her palm on the fabric of his shirt.
L: Philip J. Fry, you have a good heart. I don't need to know everything about you to see that.
F, gulping: I do? Uhh, yeah, I guess I do.
L: One that happens to be beating awfully fast.
F: Yeah, it's going pretty hard. I mean, fast.
L, moving closer: How come you didn't shave before you came?
F, snapping out of it: I didn't see a point. I didn't plan on you getting close enough to me to care.
L: How close did you plan on getting to me?
F: Not this close, I can tell you that.
L, slipping the jacket over his shoulders: This close?
F: I might have hoped, but no.
L, drawing his face near hers: How about this close?
F, dropping his eyes to meet her eye: Not in my wildest dreams.
L, kissing the corner of his mouth: So will you stay?
F: Are you asking me whether I want to or whether I will, because the answer's the same.
Leela covers his mouth with hers and runs her fingers through his hair. Fry is practically dumbfounded, but begins to loosen up.
L: I'm asking you to stay.
F: Are you serious? You're not just saying this because you're drunk, are you?
L: No, I'm serious. I'd like to make up to you for hurting your feelings.
F: This, uh, this definitely makes up for it.
L: Well, then that just leaves one question.
F, his hands fingering the hem of her sweater as he buries his face into her neck: What's that?
L: You think anyone will notice a case of road rash on my chin from kissing that prickly face of yours?
F: It doesn't have to be your chin that gets the brunt of it. I, uh, I can spread it out.
L: Mmm. Now that I hadn't considered.
F: Well, you'd better start considering it.
Fry slides his hands down and draws Leela's legs up around his waist, holding her tightly to him with one arm while sweeping the empty plates to the floor. He lays her down on top of the table so that her legs hang over the edge.
F: Now, let's get these out of the way.
L: Please do.
Fry tugs off her boots and then peels off her socks.
F: I can't believe this is happening.
L: See, now you're the one in doubt.
F: I just never thought...
L: It's really happening.
F, mind: Unless she loses her memory again, this is my one chance to make love for the first time to the woman I've wanted so long. Better do it right.
***
Ch5
At Leela's apartment, the following morning.
Leela rolls over and blinks a couple of times. She groans, stretches her arms over her head, and looks around. All she finds beside her is a neatly tucked sheet. She sits up and rubs her eye.
L, mind: Was I imagining things? <She looks down at her nightgown.> I definitely wasn't wearing this when we...
L, aloud: Oh!
She leaps out of bed and runs to her living room. The expanded furniture set is still there, but all of the dishes and food cartons are gone. The kitchen is quite clean, the glistening plates dripping in the drying rack. She moves down the hallway to the bathroom. The mirror is lightly fogged and the ventilation fan is running. A few red hairs cling to the sink. She wipes the steam off of the mirror and leans over to examine her chin. It's chafed, but not rubbed raw like she expected. Just then the apartment door rattles before swinging in to allow Fry to cross the threshold. She steps out into the hallway so he can see her.
F: Hey there.
L: Good morning.
F: I got up early to tidy up from last night. Plus I got us breakfast.
L: That was sweet of you.
F: I didn't want you to wake up to a total mess. We definitely made one out here.
L: If my memory serves me right, I believe we did. So, what's in the bag?
F: A carton of orange juice, some bacon egg and cheese sandwiches, a couple of bananas. Nothing special.
L: Sounds good.
F: You seem a little...distant.
L: I am down the hall from you.
She walks up and takes the bag from him. As she sets it on the counter, she says
It's just that last night was-
F, mind: Please don't say a mistake. Please don't say a mistake.
L: Last night was unlike anything I've ever experienced.
F, mind: Yes! Oh, wait.
F, aloud: In a good way or a bad way?
L reaches out and takes on of his hands. She guides it up to her cheek, brushing his fingers against her skin, then tilts her head into his palm. : In a very good way.
F: Whew.
L: What were you expecting me to say?
F: I dunno. That it was a disappointment or something.
L: Why would you think that?
F: Because it took so long to, to uhh...
L: Oh, please. Guys these days don't even bother to do it themselves; they just use an O-ray.
F: Wow, I didn't know that was an option.
L: Yeah, before last night, the closest I'd ever been to what you did was viewing a collection of ancient Cosmopolitan Magazines at the American History Museum. I guess it’s a 20th century thing. Not that I’m complaining.
F: Well, I guess I have the grocery store magazine rack to thank for that. It's all I have in my bag of tricks so I'm glad you liked it.
L: I did. No one's ever done that with me before. Unless you have and it's just one of the things I forgot.
F: No, that's the first time we've even slept together.
L: Really? In all this time we've never-
F: Made it beyond first base? Nah. Though not for lack of effort on my part.
L: We'll have to do it again sometime.
F: You won't have to tell me twice. We'd better eat something first, though.
They take breakfast to the couch, casting furtive glances at one another as they eat. Eventually Fry puts an arm around Leela's shoulder and she leans into his embrace. He puts down his glass of orange juice and wraps his other arm around her, kissing her tousled hair.
F, at a whisper: I can't believe this has finally happened.
L: What, that I slept with you?
F: No, that I got to wake up next to the woman I've loved for so long.
L: Speaking of waking up, how did I manage to wind up dressed and in my bed?
F: We sort of passed out on the floor out here. I woke up a few hours ago because I had a leg cramp. The carpet's not exactly that comfortable, so I moved you to your room. I didn't want you to wake up confused so I slept out there on the couch.
L: You didn't need to do that.
F: I sort of did. Have you seen your back?
L: No, it does feel a bit tender, though, now that you mention it.
F: Sorry about that. I noticed while I was getting you dressed.
Leela gives him a look and he continues.
F: We, uhh, well, it's rugburn.
L: Ahh. It was worth it.
F: Good. I'm glad you feel that way.
They sit there for a few minutes when Fry pipes up.
F: Speaking of the way you feel, do you feel any different about me?
L: How do you mean?
F: Do you think that you'll want to own up to being in a relationship with me now?
L: Fry, I don't want to rush into anything because I still feel like we've only just met, but I don't want you to feel the way you were talking last night. Before we. You know.
F: So is that a no?
L: No, it's not a no. It's more of a quiet yes.
F: Figures.
L: Let's just keep our heads low 'til I can recover my memory of the last 13 years.
F: Oh. You're keeping it open-ended so that you can back out when your memory returns.
L: Why? Is that something I'd do?
F: I don't know. There are some dumb things I've done and you might be ashamed of me.
L: You could fill me in on your own. Some good, some bad.
Fry fills her in on some of the highlights and low points of his history. Leela is touched by his retelling of how he saved her life when the oxygen ran out on the manual override of Planet Express Ship's autopilot and put out when he confesses to having dated Amy for about a week, among other things.
F: There's plenty more stories I could tell you, but I think there's something important I should say first.
L: What's that?
F: Two things, really. One, I think I know how we can restore your memory.
L: And the other?
F: You already know what the other is.
Leela pulls away from him and looks away.
L: That you love me.
F: You don't have to say it back because I know you don't feel it, not just because you lost your memory because you didn't love me before then, either. I just want you to hear me say it. Leela, I love you. I hope that someday you'll feel the same way.
L, turning back to face him: Thank you, Fry.
F: You're welcome.
They nestle together on the couch until Leela finally stirs.
L: Shouldn't we take Nibbler for a walk?
F: I took him out earlier, but we probably ought to take him out again before long.
L: Let me change clothes and we can go. Do you need to go back to your place and pick something up?
F: Maybe later. I think the walk of shame only applies to women, anyway.
While Leela is in the bedroom changing, Fry retrieves Nibbler's leash from the hook in the kitchen as well as a clean up bag. When Leela comes back out, she's in her typical attire with the exception that she pulls a red cable-knit sweater over top instead of her green jacket.
F: I don't think I've ever seen you wear that.
L: I didn't recognize it, but it looked comfy and warm.
F: You're going to need it. It's a brisk morning out.
L: You think you'll keep an arm handy in case I get chilly?
F, smiling: You bet I will.
Hand in hand they leave the apartment to take Nibbler to the park.
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