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Author Topic: Fanfic: Jerky Beef  (Read 762 times)
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Urban Legend
« on: 12-28-2010 23:59 »

Again, this is my sister's fanfic.  Not mine, she emailed it to me and I'm cutting and pasting.   Hailey hopes you like it.  And she wishes you all a Happy New Year! 

Fanfic Title:
Jerky Beef
by: Hailey Sands
Opening Credits Scene:

Where Gender Stereotypes Don't Exist
Screen:  Chip and Dale
Chapter One:
It was the First Day of Spring in New New York.  At Planet Express, Hermes was mad at Bender.
Hermes:  Bender!  You incompetant piece of scrap metal!  I never should've had you re-inspected!
Bender:  What are you pinning on me this time?
Hermes:  You messed up the last delivery you made to the Big Dipper to that man named Owens!
Bender:  I thought his name was Bones!
Leela and Amy were in the living room evasdropping.
Amy:  Should we really be doing this?
Leela:  Yes we can!
Amy:  Why?
Leela:  We can use it against them, later!
Hermes:  I can't afford any mess ups!
Bender:  Got news for you, Heavy D!  Everybody messes up!  It's like you expect us to be this uber-efficient, Herculean, perfectionist super hero!  
Hermes:  That's the whole concept of having a job!  Doing it without messing up!   If I mess up, it could ruin my reputation that the beaurcracy!  
Bender:  Nobody cares about your stupid (mockingly) beaucracy!  Stepin Fetchit!
Hermes (angerly):  Okay, that's it!  Come on!  You and me!  Let's go!  Let's get it on!  (throws air punches)
Bender (singing):  Get it on!  Bang a Gong!  Get it on!
Hermes chases Bender into the living room until Bender runs into Farnsworth's lab.
Hermes:  Which way did he go?
Leela (points):  That way.
Hermes:  Thanks.  (runs off)
Amy:  Don't bother us!  We're watching the Live 8000 concert!  Did you know Leela likes alternative punk rock?
Leela:  Amy!  No!  Don't tell them that!
Chapter Two:  
Hermes runs into Farnsworth's lab where Bender is in hiding.
Hermes:  Bender!  Bender!  Are you in here?   This isn't funny anymore!
Bender comes out with a ray gun in his hand.
Bender:  Here's Bender!
Hermes:  You want a fight?  You got one!
Bender:  Think you got a shot, Uncle Ben?
Bender shoots Hermes with the ray gun.
Farnsworth:  Bender!  Why did you shoot Hermes with my memory eraser?
Bender:  That's what that was?
Farnsworth:  He'll be knocked out for 24 hours!
Bender:  Well, that's an advantage!  He won't remember how I messed up.
24 Hours Later.....
Hermes (regaining conscienceness)
Leela:  At least we won't have to send him to that coma ward in Utah.
Bender:  Welp, looks like I'm in the clear.
Hermes:  Where am I?  What happened?
Amy:  You got knocked out.  How do you feel?
Hermes:  I feel okay........but something's coming back to me!
Farnsworth:  Better run for cover Bender!
Bender:  Enquiring Minds want to know.  What's coming back to you?
Hermes:  Before I became a beauracrat, I wanted to sing commercial jingles.
Bender (whew):  Then all you need is a manager!  Like Don King is to Mike Tyson!
Hermes:  Who's my manager?
Bender:  You're looking at him!  (gets out a laptop) And I already booked you your first gig!  
Hermes:  Excellent!  Finally achieve my real dream!
Leela:  I think you should totally go for it, Hermes!
Amy:  We'll be with you every step of the way!
Chapter Three:  
Leela, Bender, Hermes, and Amy were at a recording studio.  Hermes was in the booth with a microphone.
Bender (ordering everyone in the studio out):  Get out losers!   I'm taking over now!
All of the people and robots run out of the studio.  Bender, Leela and Amy watch Hermes as he gets ready to sing.
Leela:  Okay, Hermes, you're going to sing a jingle for a furniture commercial as your first gig.
Bender:  Now remember, I get half of what you make!
Hermes:  No problem!  I'm already rich!
Amy:  Like Mark McGrath's head on Don't Forget the Lyrics would say, "Hit it!"
Hermes (singing):  If you want new furniture at an unbeatable price, Come to Zarch's New Furniture Center!  Our Low Prices Can't Be Beat!  We're Open Day and Night for Seven Days a Week, So March on Down to Zarch's New Furniture Center!
Laptop:  Approved!
Bender:  All right!  I did it!
Leela:  You?  He did it!  Hermes!  Not you you egomaniac!
Hermes:  Can't wait to hear it!  
Bender:  But Hermes as your manager, I don't think you have a future singing about furniture stores.  You need a more direct approach.
Hermes:  What do you suggest?
Amy:  What should he do?
Leela:  Where are you going with this?
Bender (singing)  Bender knows what he's doing!  Yeah!  Bender knows what's he's going!  Yeah!
Chapter Four:
The next day at the same recording studio, Hermes gets ready to sing again.  Bender gets his laptop ready.
Bender:  Just sing what's on my built in teleprompter there!  This is what's going to help you make it big!
Leela:  Let's take this from the top.......Lights......Camera. ....
Amy:  Action!
Hermes (singing):  So, come on and get your toilet clean!  With Tidy Bowl!  Tidy Bowl!  Keeps your toilet clean!
Laptop:  Approved!  Here's your pay!
Bender:  All right!  Awesome!  I am great, baby!
Hermes:  So, I'm singing about toilets, now?
Bender:  You bet your hot diggity daffodil you are!  And then some!
Hermes:  Since it pays better, I'm all for it, I guess!
Leela:  If you somehow make it big, Hermes, we could quit for jobs at Planet Express!
Amy:  Splah!  Can't wait to tell the Professor!
Bender:  As soon as we make more money, we quit!  We tell the Professor and everyone else at Planet Express to shove it!
Hermes:  Yeah!  To hell with Planet Express!  Can't wait to tell LaBarbra!  Hope she won't be mad at me!
Bender:  Then onto the next gig!
 She'll send me some more tomarrow!

salutatory committee member
DOOP Secretary
« Reply #1 on: 12-29-2010 11:33 »

wrong forum.

Urban Legend
« Reply #2 on: 12-29-2010 17:21 »

Oops!  My Bad!  I'll transfer it to the Fanfic Forum. 

Space Pope
« Reply #3 on: 12-30-2010 06:26 »

Only mods can do that.
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