« on: 11-03-2010 17:37 »
« Last Edit on: 08-10-2012 18:53 »
Ever wondered what it would be like if Futurama did a parody of B.J. And The Bear? Find out in this fun filled fanfic!
Opening Credits Scene:
None of James Joyce's Moo Cows Were Harmed During The Making Of This Episode
Screen: A Dukes of Hazzard Cartoon
Bender is in a room full of bookcases and books. Bender is dressed in a red robe,smoking a pipe, and sitting on a throne!
Bender: Good evening! Submitted for your approval! If you're expecting Alfred Hitchcock or Rod Serling, I suggest you change the channel. Welcome to Benderpiece Theater! If you're wondering where the others are, they're all in the hospital. We were on this mission and we hit a meteor shower and everyone was attacked by space zombies! I, Bender was the only one unharmed! And everyone else endured a lot of broken bones! (laughs) So I'm in charge for the day! We all had a debate once about what TV Show from the 1970's we should spoof. We thought, Welcome Back Kotter, then it was One Day At a Time, Happy Days, Laverne and Shirley (scoffs) can you imagine Leela and Amy being them? Fantasy Island, CHiPS, Hawaii Five-0, Three's Company, The Rockford Files, Kojak, Barney Miller, and The Streets Of San Francisco. We all said no to those, until we saw the perfect one! This show has a truck driver, a chimpanzee, a corrupt sheriff, and two bumbling deputy policemen! The actor that played the truck driver went on to do a lame show called My Two Dads. I'll stop drinking until I'm in a sober stupor if we spoof that! Anyway, this show lasted three years and it had it's own spin off. It was like the Car 54 Where Are You of the 1970's! This show we're about to do is none other than B.J. And The Bear! I of course, am going to be B.J., Nibbler will be The Bear. Zapp Branigan will be Sheriff Lobo and Fry and Zoidberg will be Perkins and Birdy. Oh, and if you're looking for Leela, Amy, Farnsworth, and Hermes to be in this, don't bother! They are not in this episode! Forgot to mention, Claude Aikens played Sheriff Lobo in this show as well. There was a female trucker in this show, but we will not be using her. Before we begin just want to say the names have been changed to protect the idiots! Now, for your viewing pleasure, Futurama will spoof, B.J. and the Bear! Roll Film!
A vacant road is shown in the backwoods of Georgia. And a street sign that says Ely County City Limits. A caption reads, "Georgia: Sometime In the Early 80's. So Let's Say................1981!" Bender's name is B.R. McKay, Zapp is Sheriff Zappbo. Fry is called Frykins, Zoidberg is called Zoibdy. B.R. is driving and The Nibb is in the passenger seat.
B.R.: I hate 1981! The technology here is so primitive! And the beer here is cheap!
Nibb: Our only means of communicating is that CB Radio.
B.R.: Have you seen that new channel MTV yet?
Nibb: Don't believe I have.
B.R.: We have to deliver these alcoholic goods to that liquor store in Valdosta!
Nibb: I suggest you be careful, Sheriff Zappbo is always on your tail! He won't stop until he nails you!
B.R.: Yeah, I'm well aware of that! This time I'll outsmart him like I always do!
Nibb: One day you might not be so lucky!
B.R. continued to drive the semi truck down the road into the highway. Meanwhile, in a police station in a sherriff's ofice there was the nortorious Sheriff Zappbo. Who was looking at himself in a mirror. He was wearing a black vest with a Georgia State Sheriff Uniform.
Zappbo: Always known I look like Claude Aikens! (presses intercom): Kiff! Send in my recruits!
Kiff (over intercom and sighs): Right away, sir.
In another room at the station, there were two deputies. Who also were wearing Georgia State Police uniforms. There names awere Frykins and Zoibdy. They were playing Ping Pong.
Zoibdy: Ha! I beat you again, Frykins!
Frykins: You beat me at everything! From Pac Man, Space Invaders, Donkey Kong, to Ping Pong! You're such an expert!
Zoibdy: Hooray! Zoibdy's an expert! Also, I'm Zappbo's favorite!
Kiff (over intercom): Frykins! Zoibdy! Sheriff Zappbo wants to see you both, now!
Frykins (tries to run): Nuh uh! I'm Zappbo's favorite! He lets me work night shift as a secruity guard! Sleep is for wimps!!
Zoibdy (outruns Frykins): That's because he doesn't have to look at your ugly face! All you do in night shift is sleep in his office in your underwear!
Frykins tries to catch up to Zoibdy who reports to Zappbo's office first.
Zoibdy (salutes and enters office): Reporting for duty! Your favorite deputy! John Zoibdy sir!
Frykins (enters office): This is Deputy Phillip J. Frykins! I await your orders, sir! Your real favorite!
Zappbo: Enough! Neither of you are my favorite! Ever since I hired you goons it's been getting harder for me to catch B.R. Anyway, I got some word that B.R. is delivering some alcholic goods. And that a gang is going to rob the liquor store where's he's supposed to delivery the alcohol!
Zoibdy: Should we arrest this gang?
Zappbo: No, you will both team up with this gang and follow B.R. Then when B.R. isn't looking, all of you will both plant cocaine and heroin in his truck. First ask this gang if they want to help you. Then B.R. will be brought to justice.
Zoibdy: How I'd love to get my hands on that B.R.
Zappbo: Then I will come in and arrest him for drug possesion!
Frykins: He'll be in prison for a long time.
Zoibdy: Where is this liquor store?
Zappbo: It's in the vincinity between the Georgia/Florida boarder. B.R. should be coming there!
Frykins: Aye! Aye! Sheriff!
Zoibdy and Frykins leave to go on the mission.
Zappbo: Just a reminder you jokers. If you fail, you both get a cap in your ass!
At the liquor store in Valdosta, Walt, Larry, Ignar, Donbot, Joey Mousepad, and Clamps are destroying the place with a tank. Elsewhere, Frykins and Zoibdy are following B.R. in his semi. Frykins was driving.
Frykins: Awesome! I feel like a spaceship captain! (speaking into CB Radio) This is your captain speaking.......(laughs)
Zoibdy: Want to play some mood music!
Frykins: Turn on the Country Station!
Zoibdy turns on the radio to the Country Station and the theme to Rawhide plays.
Frykins: I love this song!
Zoibdy: I do too! Let's sing along to it!
Frykins and Zoibdy (together): Rolling! Rolling! Rolling! Rolling Rolling! Rolling........
Zappbo (over police radio): FRYKINS! Stop screwing around and go get B.R.!
Frykins (into speaker): Right away, boss!
Just then Zoibdy sees a truck filled with a bale of hay beside them about to crash into them. Frykins doesn't see it.
Zoibdy: Look out, Frykins!
Frykins: I don't see anything!
Zoibdy: Look on the side, it's a hay truck!
Frykins: What are you......(sees the hay truck): AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!
The hay truck swerves into Frykins's cop car and tips over and a bunch of hay was now stuck on their windshield.
Frykins: AAAAHHHH!! I can't get this hay off!
Zoibdy: Try the windshield wipers!
Then Frykins kept driving recklessly down the road and the windshield wipers malfunctioned on him. They both scream and ran over a rock. Then their police car flipped over into the air, then it crashes into a barn house into a chicken coop. They were both full of eggs. And chickens were going crazy all over them.
Zoibdy (coughs): I told you to look! But did you listen? (sarcsatically) No!
Frykins: We should've used ANCO Windshield Wipers!
Zappbo (over police radio): FRYKINS!!!!!
Meanwhile in the semi truck, B.R. continues his mission. Elsewhere, Zappbo went to the liquor store and teamed up with the gang.
Zappbo: Excuse me gang, would you like to help me track down a criminal?
The Gang looks at him suspicious. B.R. continues to drive.
B.R.: I love being a trucker, Nibb! It's a free life, you get to live by your own rules!
Nibb: You've always been a free spirited rebel. That's why Zappbo hates you so much!
B.R.: Look there's a truck stop. Let's stop here for a minute!
Nibb: If you say so. It's on the way to that liquor store in Valdosta.
B.R. and Nibb stopped their truck and went inside the truck stop. Frykins and Zoibdy finally caught up to B.R. as did Sheriff Zappbo who now had the gang in his car. Then Zappbo comes out of the car with the gang in tow.
Zappbo: Here's some cocaine I confiscated. So, flunkies! Guess I can't trust you to do anything right! I had to get this gang myself! And they don't believe me!
Zoibdy: Is that the gang you want to join us?
Zappbo: Exactly. They can help us unload the alcohol, and plant these drugs. Frykins, you convince them we're on their side. Failure is not an option!
Frykins: Okey Dokey Boss! (walks up to the gang): We're not here to arrest you. We're corrupt cops. We want to you help us!
Walt: What's in it for us?
Larry: You guys are cops!
Donbot: Why would we want to help you.
Frykins: Because this criminal we want to catch is worse than you guys!
Zoibdy: Indeed he is! He's a fugitive! We've been after him for years! He's on the 10 Most Wanted List!
Ignar: What should we do?
Clamps: If you want I can Clamp him!
Zappbo: All we need you to do is unload this alcohol and replace it with drugs!
Joey Mousepad: Okay, we'll do it! We like corrupt cops! And framing people for things they didn't do!
Zappbo, Zoibdy, Frykins, and the gang all unloaded the alochol and replaced it with drugs. B.R. was totally unaware what was happening as he was in the truck stop.
Inside the truck stop, B.R. tells a bunch of naysayer truckers he could drink a whole keg. Unbeknownst to B.R. he was being framed. Zappbo, his goons, and the gang all left after putting drugs in B.R.'s truck.
Sal: Nah! Robots like youses can't hold their liquor!
B.R.: Oh, yes I can! Could hold it better than you backwater hicks!
Sal: Okayses, proves it! Show my trucker friends here how it's done! (hands B.R. a keg).
Nibb: It's true. B.R. can outdrink any.....
Bartenderbot: Shut up, creature! We don't take kindly to your folk around here!
B.R. was drinking the keg of beer and was surrounded by redneck truckers who were all either human, robots, or blobs.
Everybody: CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!
Nibb: Come on, B.R.! You can do it!
B.R. finished chugging the beer keg and everyone cheered as he burped fire.
Everybody (chanting): Yay! Yay! BR! BR! BR!
Sal: Okayese, enoughes! Let's see how good you are at pool!
B.R. (takes pool cube): Don't mind if I do! 8 Ball! Corner Pocket!
Sal and B.R. both shoot some pool, but B.R. hits the 8 Ball at all the other balls Sal set up! The 8 Ball is on the verge of falling into a corner pocket. Everyone was eagerly awaiting!
Nibb: Feel like I'm in a George Thorogood video!
B.R. released some ash from his cigar and the 8 Ball fell into the pocket. The whole truck stop erupted in cheers.
Everyone: Yay! Yay! BR! BR! He's out bot! If he can't do it, we'll get shot! Hooray!
B.R.: Thank you, thank you! (walking out) I'll be here all week! You all owe me some hooker bots! I need to make a delivery now! Later losers! C'mon Nibb!
Sal: We're gonna miss yous! Goodbyeses!
B.R. and his trusty pet Nibb went back into their semi- truck. The CB Radio went on. It was really Zappbo's voice in disguise. B.R. drives down the highway under a bridge as he answers it.
Zappbo (disguised voice): Breaker! Breaker! Come in, B.R.!
B.R.: This is B.R.'s Discount Auto Company! We flim 'em! We flam 'em!
Zappbo: There's been a slight change of plans. A gang destroyed that liquor store you were going to deliver that alcohol to.
B.R.: It did?
Zappbo: Yes, now we want you to drive to Savannah and deliver the alcohol to a grocery store.
B.R.: Okay, I'm going to Savannah now! Over and out!
Zappbo: Roger copy! Over and out!
Nibb: I don't trust this one bit.
B.R.: You think I'm being set up?
Nibb: Of course! It's a trap!
B.R. Nobody sets up B.R. McKay!
Nibb: I know you've always had an invincibility complex about yourself. this time you might not be so lucky!
B.R.: Nah, I don't believe it. After I make this delivery, I'm getting the hell out of Jimmy Carter country!
Nibb: Just a warning, look all around. There's wanted posters of you, everywhere!
As B.R. drives his semi down the highway to Savannah, he sees a bunch of Wanted Posters with B.R.'s face on them.
B.R. Nah! He's bluffing!
Farther away, Sheriff Zappbo is driving his police van to the grocery store hoping to meet B.R. there. In his van were Zoibdy, Walt, Larry, Ingar, Donbot, Joey Mousepad, and Clamps. Frykins was driving a tank.
Zappbo (laughs evilly): B.R.'s in for a huge surprise! Tonight, the lights are going to go out in Georgia!
Zoibdy: A night we'll frame an innocent man! B.R. McKay! (laughs)
Zappbo: Somehow, I shouldn't have trusted Frykins with that tank.