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Author Topic: Venus Triumphs Over Her Rock  (Read 3951 times)
Pages: 1 2 3 [4] 5 Print
JustNibblin

Bending Unit
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« Reply #120 on: 06-03-2007 09:37 »
« Last Edit on: 06-03-2007 09:37 by JustNibblin´ »

If you have trouble using Word to save as HTML you're welcome to email the word doc to me and I can convert it for you with my version of MS Word.  I just double checked my version and yep the italics are preserved when I load into a web browser.

It also occurs to me that Tim (Red_Line) at TLZ:FM can probably take Word documents and convert them as well (if I remember a recent post on the message board correctly). 
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #121 on: 06-04-2007 17:51 »
« Last Edit on: 06-04-2007 17:51 »

Well, I’ve caught up, and I’ve finished.  Seems like forever ago that you made that introductory post after we had begged you into sharing your story.  Now here you are, years later, droves of fans, going out when you’re at the peak of your popularity... (wish I could’ve done that  tongue)  Congrats. A few closing comments: 
 
Quote
Just then Morris walked back into the living room. He tossed something into Fry’s lap. It was his pants.
“When you’re in my house with my daughter, you wear those.”
This struck me as extremely funny and I don’t know why.
 
Quote
“Pfft. Everyone knows puns are the lowest form of wit. I can do better than that.”
  cry
 
Quote
Came a faint voice off screen.
Off... where?

Anyway, thanks for sticking with this story all the way through; you’ve never swayed from your original goal, and the quality hasn’t dipped either. Cheers.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #122 on: 06-04-2007 20:45 »

Off the video screen. Fry was talking to Leela on the video phone so Munda's voice came from 'off screen'
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #123 on: 06-04-2007 21:01 »

Ah, I get it now.  I guess I'm just used to balking when I see stage directions, even if that's not the context.  My bad.
NIC2001

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #124 on: 06-07-2007 17:11 »
« Last Edit on: 06-08-2007 00:00 »

BRAVO!!! MILLE et UNE FOIS BRAVO !!!!

Wow Venus, you and only you made me came back here on peel to read your fic. (And sometime lurk around other sections of PEEL)

You fic is now at the top of my top 5 fav Fanfics ever. I’m glad you took your time and wrote this to perfection.
You fic hit a special part of me because you used my fav episode of the whole series and expended it the next level. Thank you! You (most of the time) keep all the character intact and give some character (Leela’s parent) some nice new characteristic. (Leela’s father- jewelry maker etc..)
Again, I REALLY liked your fic and if one day you chose to write another episode expansion, I’ll be there to read it.
(It was way too hard to fight the lurker in me to let me write this… I have to restart posting here more often.)
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #125 on: 06-07-2007 17:34 »

Does anyone have any suggestions for the final edit? Anything need to be cut? Anything stick out that could be refined?
SpaceCase

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #126 on: 06-08-2007 11:47 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Venus:
Does anyone have any suggestions for the final edit? Anything need to be cut? Anything stick out that could be refined?
Nothing springs to mind, although your story is a hundred and some pages long, and it has been a while since I read through the whole thing.
But then, you already have my humble comments…  wink
Unregistered

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #127 on: 06-08-2007 13:13 »

I'm no writer, but here's one thing:
References to contemporary popular culture are acceptable (in a fan fiction), but I have trouble believing "Candy Shop" would be popular in the future. 

There are probably other 20th/21st century references that would be considered old to the 30th century.

I know that even the show's writers can't pull this one off all the time, so it's understandable here.  There's not much in here that really sets the time in the third millennium. The medical technology used is our modern day technology.  Defibrillators, for example.  However there are aliens everywhere, which will help set the time. 
It's probably not correctable, and it probably doesn't even matter.  The Futurama writers put some low tech stuff in their show as well.  I remember in a DVD commentary they were laughing at the projector in Fry's Mars U class.

But your story is good.   smile
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #128 on: 06-08-2007 18:16 »

candyshop is really just a placeholder. i couldn't think of anything else and i didn't want to stay stuck there for too long.
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #129 on: 06-15-2007 16:03 »

what a great ending to a great story.  It's a shame that the story had to end.  Do you have any ideas as to what you're going to write next?  Just please don't retire on us!
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #130 on: 06-15-2007 16:37 »

From the futurama ficdom you can consider me retired. Any little nugget of idea i've ever had i've managed to pull into this story, so i'm tapped dry.
jle1993

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #131 on: 06-16-2007 03:42 »

*gets all teary eyed*
V..Venus? Retiring? My idol retiring?
Can't you take a break untill you get any ideas, but not officaly retire?

*takes a deeps breath*
No, I'm sorry, this is your choice, and if you want to retire we shouldn't try and stop you.

You've had a wonderful fanfic career, gained many fans, and we'll all miss your writing. But if you really want to retire, then we shouldn't try and stop you.

Excuse me.

*goes and curls up in a corner and cries*
Sorry.
Ralph Snart

Agent Provocateur
Near Death Star Inhabitant
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #132 on: 06-16-2007 05:03 »

Okay folks, it's disappointing to see Venus retire from Futurama stories, but she has some pretty kick-ass stuff on fanfiction.net.

It's said that it's better to leave with people wanting more than to overstay your welcome.  Venus is retiring from Futurama fics while she's on the top.
JustNibblin

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #133 on: 06-16-2007 11:30 »
« Last Edit on: 06-16-2007 11:30 by JustNibblin´ »

   
Quote
Originally posted by Venus:
Does anyone have any suggestions for the final edit? Anything need to be cut? Anything stick out that could be refined?

I don't know if you are still open to suggestions, but having had time to think over your story I had a few comments.

(1) At times in your fic Morris struck me as OOC in a distracting way.  The first time was when Morris told Fry "I know where you live" as a none-too subtle threat to Fry.  I know you were trying to convey how deeply Morris cared for his daughter, but it seemed a little too strong a threat for his character.  Might I suggest that as he says that he either winks at Fry (if a one-eyed man can wink), or pats him on the shoulder in a friendly way, so Fry is left more confused than intimidated.  A confused Fry is always a funny Fry so that would be a bonus as well.

(2) The scene where Morris throws Fry's pants to him is funny, and I can tell lots of people liked it.  May I suggest that it would be even funnier if Morris doesn't say a word as he does it. That is I don't think you need "If you are in my house you wear pants".  I think the act of throwing the pants to Fry alone, with a significant glance, would be slightly funnier.

(3)


Please take all this in the spirit of someone who thinks your fic is fantastic and just had a couple of minor suggestions, and of course feel free to ignore these comments. ("If you ask me, you shouldn't care what other people think."  "You're right! I'll start by not caring what you think!" )
Unregistered

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #134 on: 06-16-2007 23:03 »

I'd never take a fic seriously if it weren't canon.  I'm glad this one is.
THM

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #135 on: 06-19-2007 17:49 »

Eh, what's canon?  wink

Seriously though, Venus; you could (if you wanted to) add something along the lines of maybe things getting back to normal sometime later (but for now...), or that things were cool for a while (but then Fry did something really stupid, and she decided he'd blown his chance). Myself, I say leave it as is; it's a great ending, and if it doesn't square with canon (well, existing canon), screw it.  smile

'Naked ladies, naked ladies, naked ladies, naked ladies!'

- Justice Snoop Dogg, Into the Wild Green Yonder
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #136 on: 06-20-2007 01:40 »

I don't think the ending doesn't square with canon though. She kissed him and smiled at him at the end of The Why of Fry and then in the next episode everything was exactly the same. Here she kisses him mostly as a way of thanking him for everything he'd done for her, she wasn't making any kind of commitment to him there.
JustNibblin

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #137 on: 06-20-2007 12:01 »

I have only myself to blame for trying to make an argument based on "canon".  Since the episodes themselves are somewhat inconsistent between each other, one can select whatever episode you want to support your view.  Thus I can see how "Why of Fry" matches this ending well, so cool.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #138 on: 06-21-2007 03:10 »

I'm working on my rewrite. It was agreed that writing any type of accent was annoying and i should change it to normal speech, right?
SpaceCase

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #139 on: 06-21-2007 14:24 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Venus:
I'm working on my rewrite. It was agreed that writing any type of accent was annoying and i should change it to normal speech, right?
Huh?  confused

The only accent I recall is Hermes’ and you handled that quite well.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #140 on: 06-21-2007 15:01 »

I also had the 'v's for 'w's for Zoidberg but people didn't like it. I also dropped the 'g's in a lot of Bender's dialogue and i think someone mentioned it being distracting.
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #141 on: 06-26-2007 16:29 »

ff.net doesn't allow song lyrics for copyright reasons so i had to retool the scene with Fry playing music for Leela while she was in her coma. I also futurized the music technology.

What do you think? passable? Needs more work?

~~~~~~~~~~~


 Bender waved his hand dismissively. “Yeah, whatever. Where d’ya want this stuff?” He held up a small gray stereo and a case of tiny half inch memory sticks.

Still feeling bitter Fry pointed wordlessly at the bedside table. Completely ignoring Fry’s mood Bender dropped his load on the table and then held out his hand.

“I’m not paying you anything until you give that stuff back.” Fry stated flatly.

“What stuff?”

“The stuff I know you took from Leela’s apartment this morning when you were picking up these things for me.”

Bender feigned a look of hurt indignance. “Me? Steal from a injured woman? As if I were capable of such a misdeed! You sir, have crossed a line!”

Fry scowled and crossed his arms.

Muttering irritably Bender opened his chest cavity and sure enough a small cascade of stolen goods fell at Fry’s feet.

Fry knelt down and picked up a small box, examined it briefly then gave Bender an odd look. “You stole a box of tampons?”

“She had them hidden away I thought they might be valuable.”

Fry had no response for this so he set the box down and rifled though the rest of the pile.
“I can’t believe you’d steal from her while she’s hurt. That’s just mean.”

“That’s not all I did.” Bender gloated proudly. Fry stared up at him.
“I also moved every single appliance and piece of furniture in her whole apartment exactly one inch to the left. She’ll never know what hit her!”

“That’s just double mean. I’m not gonna pay you anything until you take all this stuff back and put it right back where you stole it. And put all her furniture and stuff back too! She’s got enough to deal with without you making things harder.”

Mocking Fry under his breath Bender shoved all the items roughly back into his chest before heading out the door. Fry glared at him until he was gone. Then he turned his attention back to Leela.

“I’m real sorry about that Leela. I’ll make sure he doesn’t take all your stuff while you’re here. Anyway, I had him bring some things over. Your doctor said it might be a good idea to play some music for you, and since I have absolutely nothing else to talk about we might as well start that now. I had him grab your music sticks so it’ll be stuff that you like.”

Fry took her music case off of the table and flipped through it. He wasn’t surprised to find each stick meticulously labeled and arranged just so. The pages were even color-coded. Most of the names he didn’t recognize so he chose one at random and placed it in the player.

The music that began to play was unlike anything he would have expected from Leela. What he was expecting he didn’t know, but the music that was playing was down-right morose.

“Oh wow, not exactly the mood I was hoping to set.” Fry skipped hurriedly to the next song.

…Which was even worse.

“Nope.” Fry jabbed the ‘next’ button.

The next song started pleasantly enough. Until the intro was over and a screeching female singer began singing of her desire to drink bleach.

“I’m beginning to think we should try a different stick.” Fry stated uncomfortably as he hit the ‘next’ button one last time.

What followed could only be described as a funeral dirge being played by a dueling guitar and violin.

“Aaack!” Fry flung himself on the player and jabbed the ‘off’ button in panic. “What the hell do you listen to?? Okay,…okay...that was a fluke. We’ll just try something else. Something happy and life-affirming and everything will be cool.” He flipped another couple pages in the case and randomly chose a new stick.

On the upside, the screeching class-three-suicide-risk lead singer was gone. On the downside she was replaced by a moaning disconsolate man singing of his never ending loneliness.
 
Fry stared scathingly at the player as if it were being negative on purpose just to spite him. “You have got to be kidding me.” He picked out a new stick, determined to give it one more try.

Now the man was bemoaning the loss of his entire family… who he himself killed in a botched murder-suicide.

“I give up!” Fry angrily powered down the player then rounded on Leela, pointing his finger at her accusingly. “When you wake up we are having a serious discussion about your musical tastes missy!”
Unregistered

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #142 on: 06-26-2007 22:31 »

Hehe its funnier this way  smile
SpaceCase

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #143 on: 06-26-2007 23:23 »

I like it!
gwynhwyfar

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #144 on: 06-27-2007 00:34 »

nice! good job!!
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #145 on: 06-27-2007 01:14 »

Yay! I is a good riter!
JustNibblin

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #146 on: 06-27-2007 01:15 »

Reads well to me!  Isn't it ironic that fanfiction.net does not allow copyrighted songs to be published, when its entire purpose is to post unlicensed stories about copyrighted characters?

*checks dictionary*

I mean, isn't it funny (not ironic)...
SpaceCase

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #147 on: 06-27-2007 15:31 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Venus:
Yay! I is a good riter!
Yes U R A fyne 1 an dont U 4-get it!  wink

Translation:
Yes V, you're one of the top writers in the fandom, and don't you DARE forget it!
  love
Officer 1BDI

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #148 on: 06-27-2007 22:33 »

 
Quote
Isn't it ironic that fanfiction.net does not allow copyrighted songs to be published, when its entire purpose is to post unlicensed stories about copyrighted characters?

I find it more amusing that ff.net does not allow fanscripts to be posted because they're not in the "proper" format. [/public bitching]

I actually like the new scene better.  It's funny, and it'll help prevent "dating" the story with an existing pop-culture reference (however widely known, or not, by the general public).
THM

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #149 on: 07-17-2007 13:59 »

I agree with 1BDI; and it's likely that not everyone that's going to read the fic has heard the songs, so by describing them rather than quoting lyrics, you're making it more accessible - plus, it gives you room for some more jokes, which is always a good thing.  smile

'Naked ladies, naked ladies, naked ladies, naked ladies!'

- Justice Snoop Dogg, Into the Wild Green Yonder
kaotik4266

Delivery Boy
**
« Reply #150 on: 08-10-2007 08:56 »
« Last Edit on: 08-10-2007 08:56 »

How come I only discover the best 'fics when their authors retire! (still, I didn't have to wait 4 years to read it all, so it's not all bad ;-) )

BTW: It's taken me longer than usual to read this coz I'm on exchange in Germany (WHOOOOO!) and I think it's impolite to hog my host's computer like I am now (yeah it's OT. So sue me. Or don't)

Easily one of the best fan fics I've ever read (and I really do mean that. Definitely top three. Possibly top two). I didn't notice anything hugely OOC or against cannon aside from a few lines I thought the characters might have said a little differently. I particularly liked your development of the characters of Morris and Munda and mutant society in general. It wasn't really something I had thought about before this, but I'm glad you wrote what you did. A couple of little things didn't sit as being quite right with me, but nothing serious. Everything else I would has already been said, so I won't bother repeating it other than to say:  love

Although I hate preassuring people into things, PPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEE don't retire! Breaks (even long ones) are more than fine (you deserve it after 4 years!), but more ideas will come (I hope) and when they do I hope you will write them down for us! If you retire I might... Sorry, I've got something in my eye *runs bawling from the room. Sobs can be heard for some time.*

*Walks back in with red eyes and a dripping tissue, looking a bit embarrased*
Ahem. Got it. Please could someone link to the complete document at wherever you post it (one or all of the places). Thanks.  wink
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #151 on: 08-10-2007 15:57 »

i haven't posted it anywhere else. i know i need to get around to it. But i'm having weird formatting issues at ff.net. It keeps putting doublespaces between the time/date/location stamps and i hate the way it looks.
Professor Zoidy

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #152 on: 08-14-2007 15:29 »

Venus, I can't believe you're retiring from Futurama fics, but you went out on a high note that still rings beautifully through the halls of PEEL's best fanfiction writers. Out of them all, yours can be heard the clearest. (what can I say? I'm a musician, so I'll use metaphors that associate with that  tongue) If you ever have any tips, for any of us, please drop by our threads and give us your mighty wisdom, oh Great One. *bows*
Frisco17

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #153 on: 08-15-2007 15:07 »
« Last Edit on: 08-15-2007 15:07 »

I just found this yesterday and spent the past two days reading it. ("Too Much Time On My Hands" by Styx plays in the background) It is definitly one of the best Futurama Fics I have ever read. You kept everyone in character, except for Fry talking like Forest Gump now and again in the beginning. All in all very well done.
coldangel

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #154 on: 08-15-2007 20:48 »

FF.net doesn't allow song lyrics, eh?
Well we'll just see about that...

I was going to have Hendrix's 'All Along the Watchtower' play on the tape deck of a Mustang as Fry drives it in a chase scene in my upcoming fanfic...
JustNibblin

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #155 on: 02-20-2009 05:52 »

***Bump***

Um, did this fic ever get posted to ff.net?  There are a zillion Venuses over there, and the one associated with 'Futurama' never posted...
Ralph Snart

Agent Provocateur
Near Death Star Inhabitant
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #156 on: 02-20-2009 07:40 »
« Last Edit on: 02-23-2009 03:02 »

Venus uses the nick "DancesWithCorpses" there.

http://www.fanfiction.net/u/260028/DancesWithCorpses

She has a few stories there, most of them rather angsty.

If you like them, send her an e-mail and let her know.  She appreciates feedback, she appreciates positive feedback even more.

She's pretty well gone into lurk mode here and I don't think she checks on PEEL much these days.
Archonix

Space Pope
****
« Reply #157 on: 02-20-2009 19:00 »

Ooh, animaniacs fan? Straight on the favourites list she goes!
Ralph Snart

Agent Provocateur
Near Death Star Inhabitant
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #158 on: 02-20-2009 19:09 »

Ooh, animaniacs fan? Straight on the favourites list she goes!

E-mail her and ask for the poem she wrote about Dot's death.

I threatened to send Slappy Squirrel over with a whelbarrow full of explosives.
Archonix

Space Pope
****
« Reply #159 on: 02-20-2009 19:14 »

I remember you talking about that one once, a long time ago. I think that's when I decided it would be better not to know. smile
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