My first attempts to draw

[Reply #40 on:]

I can see them again, and I'm sure i've seen them before...

[Reply #41 on:]

Hey Sedna, glad to see that you're posting your fic... hope to see some more soon!

[Reply #42 on:]

Thanks.
More?  Ask and ye shall receive!

Oh, and I feel like I should clarify where I got the idea.  I actually was inspired by some posts on ep 4x12 I was reading in ... April or so?  Maybe March, I'm not sure.

 

Leela's frozen up before. In The Honking when Bender cornered her up against the fence she froze till almost the last minute. She did the same thing with the brain spawn when they cornered her in the alley. Maybe she just has a thing about being backed into a corner.
-Venus, 19 June 2003

CZ, I have to disagree with you on that one. First of all, the bee would have killed Leela on the post if Fry hadn't alerted her, and second, she froze up. Did you see her? She just stood there and cringed. She easily could (and should) have pushed Fry and herself out of the way, and she had plenty of time to do this. Looks to me like Fry actually DID save her life there.
-Anarchist, 19 June 2003

It got me thinking and this resulted.  Or the outline, anyway - I just recently finished it.  I also infused something of my own (the "approached from behind" thing ).

Anyways, here's more.

---

Birthdays sucked so bad here.

Leela stared dully at the old-fashioned PDA sitting on a shelf, scanning the various events and appointments the other orphans had entered.  Her gaze fell on the large black 19, where she hadn’t bothered to type in anything.  What would be the point?  No one here – or anywhere – cared that she’d made it through eleven years of… well, either ennui or torment.

Don’t make a big deal out of this, she told herself.  It’s just a day – it’s probably not even your real birthday, it’s just the day you were dropped off, anyway.

She sighed and headed back to her bed to read.  Since she was often excluded from things, she spent a lot of her time living vicariously through her books.  Leela threw herself onto her bed and grabbed the book she’d left on the pillow, dropping away from reality almost instantly.

Maybe a half hour had passed before she heard the screams.  Not again…  Quickly she ran to the door and knelt, peering under the door.  Someone was being beaten up, it looked like…

The twins.  Again.

Leela bit her lip as a heavier looking foot pounded against the side of the person lying on the ground.  A fist reached down and yanked at the person’s hair before a second fist punched them in the face, and she could see now that it was Kirk.

Kirk lay still for several cautious minutes before he apparently felt it was safe enough to stand up and leave.  A couple of other orphans ran up and escorted him away.

Leela shuddered, stepping back from the window.  It was typical.  Jill and Billie.  Those girls had been terrorizing everyone since the moment they arrived, and nobody, it seemed, could stop them.  Even the teachers were afraid of them.  But for some reason, they took their greatest pleasures in attacking those who seemed… well, less than normal.  Kirk – the blind guy here – was a perfect example.

All I can do is just stay out of their way, Leela thought as she got to her feet.  And hope they don’t notice me.  She pushed her glasses up and happened to catch a glimpse out of the corner of her eye of her reflected movement.  Turning, she stared at her single prominent feature and winced.  How, exactly, was that going to be possible?

-

The bell rang for lunch, and she headed slowly downstairs, keeping her head inclined toward the ground.  In the cafeteria she took her usual seat at the end of one of the long rows of tables.  The seating here sucked; you were required to sit with those your age and could not sit by yourself.  It was all but assigned.

All around, everyone was conversing and looking like they were having fun.  The teachers and directors talked at their separate table; the older orphans laughed and chatted excitedly; the younger ones giggled.

Nobody said a single word to Leela beyond “Excuse me” when passing by or “Pass the salt, please?”

It doesn’t matter.  She clenched her jaw and stared at her food – well, what she could identify there, anyway.  Some kind of meat, it looked like.  And were those small green olives or just really old peas?  Who makes this crap?

Slowly she became aware of a quieting, and an eerie feeling creeped over her.  She looked up at the orphans surrounding her, and her face paled.

“Have a pie, One-Eye!”  Someone flung a piece of the pumpkin pie her direction so fast she had no time to duck, nor did she have time to see who it was.

Everything went orange until Leela managed to fumble around for a napkin.  When she could see again, she glanced from one orphan to the next – all innocuously eating silently.  She wiped the rest of the pie off and took a deep breath before returning to her own meal.  Right away the chatter started up again.  They had to be staring again too, she could feel.

What pissed her off most these days was how unoriginal their insults were.  Sure, “One-Eye” was kind of cute in a chanting-in-the-schoolyard way – which they actually did do sometimes – but it was as if they had never thought of anything else.  Oh, wait, they reverted to “Freak” sometimes.  Or even “Mutant.”  (That one was where the directors occasionally stepped in, pretending to be PC and reminding them “She’s an alien, not a mutant” or – if there was a meaner one on duty - joking “No, don’t offend the actual mutants!”)

They need to stop eyeing me right now, Leela thought.  She paused, then giggled under her breath.
---

By the way, the names of the twins I mention in this next part - "Jill" comes from a girl in my grade school who actually was a tough-ass.  She wasn't mean to you if you were her friend, but it was easy to fear her.  And "Billie" comes from my Charmed obsession - I absolutely loathed that character so I thought I'd use her as an antagonist. 

(I'm very willing to subsitute one of them if anyone can offer suggestions!  I didn't intend to rhyme.  *winces*)

[Reply #43 on:]

cool! more please! 

[Reply #44 on:]

Okay, so I realized belatedly that I’ve apparently been posting my fic without the italic formatting.  Argghgh.  Redid it all, though.  Hopefully it makes more sense now.

I’m also contemplating posting this on TLZ when I’m done.  Not without critique and such, though.    So, suggestions and the like much welcomed.

Also, I tried scanning again.  Came out with this.


Why do all my scans have that annoying crusty look?  Anyone else have that problem?  It’s caused from a fill-in problem.  I outline all the lines and make sure no open spaces are left, and then when I use the paint bucket, it only fills in part of them.  Sigh.  Help?

Miscellaneous:



Oh, and update!  With waaayyy too much drama.   

-----
After lunch was recess, of course.  Leela stared down as she trudged out along with the others.  She wanted the ritual to be over with quickly; anticipating it – and not having it happen, or having it happen later than usual – was the worst.  It was strange but she could never really relax during recess until she’d been teased and gotten it over with.

There was an area she usually sat and read at while she waited.  Clutching her book, she drifted over to it. 

She didn’t notice the silence until she looked up from the ground to see that several kids had gathered before her.  Turning, she quickly realized that as she’d walked, a circle had formed.

Her heart sank with a thud.  They’d moved fast today.

“One-Eye!  One-Eye!  One-Eye!”
“Don’t try, One-Eye!”
“One-Eye!  One-Eye!”

She closed her eye and pushed them away from her awareness, instead conjuring up a favorite little daydream.  It was her go-to fantasy when falling asleep at night or during tense times.

Leela tossed and turned, unable to rest completely.  It had been a difficult day and she was as miserable as ever.  Suddenly she felt the mattress sink down with a soft squeak, and another squeak sounded as someone lied down next to her.  She was too half asleep to open her eye and see who it was, but she immediately felt safe and content as she felt a hand stroke her hair and an arm rest over her shoulder.  “We love you.  It’s okay, Leela, you’re okay.”

“—ne-Eye!  One-Eye!”  Then, a silent glaring.

They seemed to be almost finished.  Leela looked around and sighed in relief as they walked away.  Finally, alone again. 

She hurried the last few steps to the corner of the yard she always sat in, on the long-broken merry-go-round.  Nobody wanted to try to fix it, so she always sat there, away from the crowd, pretending she was waiting to be taken away.  It was easier to ignore everyone and sit by herself than to attempt to erase the status quo.

Leela had already parked herself on the low-slanted side and was deeply involved in her book by the time she caught a glimpse of movement closer than it should be.  She jerked her head up, and her face paled as she saw the twins marching her way.  No.  No no no.

“Hey.  One-Eye!” Jill spat as they approached. 

Leela stood quickly and began backing away from them.  “What’s—what—exc—”  Frozen with panic, she couldn’t form a coherent sentence.

“Ooooh, One-Eye is dumb and ugly!” cried out Billie.  They stood, waiting for her reaction.

She bumped up against the brick wall behind her.  No no no no no.  No escape.  As the twins smiled slowly, Leela felt her mind shutting down.

Billie took two steps forward and swung a thick fist into her face.  Leela was knocked sideways into the corner, falling to the ground as Jill stepped up.  She curled up and held her hands before her head, trying desperately to shield the kicks and punches.

After several agonizing minutes they backed off.  Leela looked up through a half-swollen eye as they headed in separate directions.   Jill picked up a board with a nail and Billie grabbed one of the busted bars from the old swing set.

She knew what was coming.  Get out get out!   Adrenaline flooded her veins and she jumped up to run away—

“Going somewhere?”  Jill grinned as she halted her escape and snatched at Leela’s arms, keeping her immobile until Billie arrived.  “All right, you first,” she told her twin.

Leela squeezed her eye shut, and her legs went limp as the bar hit her on the temple, sending red stabbing flashes throughout her head.  It was like fire, she realized dully.

Then the board.

One of the twins smashed it across her arm, ruthlessly slashing the nail along with it.  Leela pulled into herself and refused to acknowledge the attack even as piercing pain raced up to her shoulder and down to her fingertips.  She was fine.  She was fine.

In the middle of the yard, a group had gathered to stare, slack-jawed.  Those who had just minutes before tormented her now looked on in horror.

The bar, again, across her back.  This was …  It was relentless.  It was as if they were taking the fact that she had one eye as a personal insult.

Another whack at her head, and then the luxury of nothingness.

[Reply #45 on:]

The "crusty" look is because your lines are anti-aliased to make them look smooth, which is normal. I usually get around that sort of thing by working at a very high resolution and then shrinking down the image once all the colour has been added.

[Reply #46 on:]

 

Originally posted by Sedna:


Miscellaneous:

"Daddy!"

[Reply #47 on:]

great work sedna

[Reply #48 on:]

That's a bad cliffhanger, Sedna. Mind you, it's written well. But depressing. Cliffhangers should consist of suspense and action!

[Reply #49 on:]

Sorry!  But man, you should've seen the one fic (for a band, not Futurama) that I wrote in 2002 or thereabouts.  Every "chapter" was about a page or so, and each time I tried ending it on a cliffhanger.  The story sucked, but ultimately I realized 3 basic cliffhangers from it:

- Dramatic waiting-for-a-reaction ending lines.  Example:  "Your sister's cousin's college roommate's great-uncle's fourth wife's great-great-grandson is dead!  Murdered!"

- Vague wimpy attempts at foreshadowing.  Example:  "But I had no idea what was about to occur...."  [And now the reader doesn't, either!]

- I think the third was something like the author or a character is about to reveal a secret and then cuts off.  "She opened the door to reveal..."  and end.  Yeah, that's it.

Okay, next bit.  Little history:  I was actually hospitalized in late September for a seizure.  I was very disoriented as I woke up in the ambulance, so that's what part of this next bit is based on.  Also, I want that immediate-action anaesthetic to be invented like now.  Oh it would be so great...
---

Moved, she was being moved.

Leela’s head throbbed as everything seemed to spin.  What was …

Voices muttered numbers around her.  She forced her eye open and groggily saw a pair of doors closing her in.  Ambulance.  Must be.

A hand grabbed her good arm and held it still, tying a length of rubber way too tightly around her upper arm and drawing blood.  Leela watched dizzily as her blood squirted into a vial.  “Am I goi…”

“You’re going to be fine,” said the blonde Neptunian paramedic at her feet.  She handed Leela a bottle of water.  “You’re not allergic to Nopainaesthetic, are you?”  Leela shook her head, and the paramedic handed her the immediate-action pill.  It worked just as fast – and was as strong – as she’d always heard it did, and seconds later the paramedic behind her held her arm still and cleaned up the deepest laceration before stitching it shut.

“I need help down here,” the Neptunian woman called.  The paramedic behind her – some dark haired human, she could see now – stepped around the stretcher and knelt by her calf.  Leela realized quite suddenly that the twins had broken her leg; her eye widened at the sight of bone protruding below her knee.  “Close your eyes—I mean eye, hon,” the woman told her, and she did.

Leela waited a few moments, wondering what they were doing.  Just a few minutes passed before her curiosity overcame her and she peeked.  By now, the paramedics had fixed the bone and were tightly wrapping damp strips of gauze around her leg.  “Wow.  How’d you do that?”

“We’re professionals,” the human smiled.  “Just relax.  We’re almost there.”

-

“…and then when I got to the hospital all they had to do was scan for brain damage,” Leela said, “and when the results came back normal they sent me right back to the orphanarium.”

Fry was silent for a very long time.  Then, “What happened to the twins?”

“They were still running around.  Still beat the hell out of people, although nobody got it as bad as I did.  They even got me again a couple times after that.”  Leela sighed.  “It wasn’t until I was about fourteen that they were picked up.  Jill for assault and Billie for armed robbery.  I don’t know where they are today.  I try not to think about it all.”  She bit her lip.

Bender whistled.  “Nice story.”

“One thing about it, though.”  Leela smiled quietly.  “It did make me start taking self-defense lessons.  I never wanted to be that helpless again.  Ever.  Ev-er.”

“And you sure haven’t,” Fry said loyally.

Leela cleared her throat and stood up to pace.  “Now that you know about that, I hope you’ll understand if I don’t like being backed into a corner or snuck up on.”  She turned and faced them.  “And one other thing.  I don’t want to talk about this again.  Understood?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Bender saluted.  Fry nodded.

“Good.  We’re almost back in Earth’s orbit, so I’m done with this subject.”  Leela changed the ship’s flight and stared hard at the controls, trying to forget again.

-

[Reply #50 on:]

Huhh. Evil twins, eh?
This is cool. It's interesting to see Leela's past.

[Reply #51 on:]

Okay, so I've already had the next bit(s) written but for whatever reason didn't post them yet.  I'm still nervous as hell about this thing - it's been such a long, long time since I wrote fiction that I forgot how... uh, mediocre I am at it.  Plus, like I said - first Futurama [full length-ish] fic, so double the uncertainty.  But whatever.  Screw my nerves.  Here's the next part.  Aw, hell, I'll just post both.

-

A few days passed.

There had been a Planet Express meeting, and as Hermes wrapped up the last point on his agenda, everyone began standing up and getting ready to go.

Leela pulled her jacket on and picked up her coffee.    She headed for the door, but stopped as she heard footsteps behind her.  “Leela?” Hermes.

“Leave her alone!” a voice yelped right away.  Fry, of course.

Turning, Leela narrowed her eye at him.  “It’s okay.  Back off.”  She faced Hermes.  “Yeah?”

“You forgot this,” Hermes said, handing her the purse she’d left on the floor.  “And as it’s not company policy for the conference room to serve as a storage facility, I have to fine you ten dollars.”

“Oh, fine.”  Leela paid him and then sighed Fry as Hermes left.  “I may not want to be snuck up on or cornered, but I really don’t want to be treated with kid gloves either.”

“But—last t—”

“But nothing.  Back off – now.”

Fry nodded and shuffled back a step or two.  “Sure, okay.  Sorry.”  He stuck his hands in his pockets and began to walk away.

She paused.  “It’s okay.  Fry?”  He turned back to her.  “I said it’s okay.  I know you were just trying to help – in your overeager way, I mean.”  Leela smiled, and reached a decision.  “Do you want to walk back with me?”

“Yeah!  I mean, that’d be good.”

They walked out the door, silent at first.  Leela still didn’t really know what to say around him these days.  Over the past year, things had changed somehow; he’d stopped dating other girls and she’d been forced to consider what she’d been trying vehemently to deny.  Especially lately, she mused.  Twice in the past four months, he’d risked his own life for her without a second thought.  She would never forget that suden terror when she’d caught sight of her airhose attached to his oxygen supply – and Fry lying unconscious at the other end.  And she couldn’t forget the bee.  The scar on her stomach and his matching abdominal scar had made sure of that.

So why, then, was she finding it this hard to accept even the possibility of anything?

Oh, come on, she thought to herself as she peeked at him out of the corner of her eye.  He’s been there forever.  You know how much he’s done for you, how much he out of all people cares for you.  Can’t you just take one step?

Leela looked at Fry again.  He seemed so content, observing the hover-traffic and tubes and assorted New New Yorkers with no less enthusiasm and wonder than he’d had the day he was unfrozen.  It was infectious; for the first time in a very long while Leela realized how amazing it really was that technology had come this far – even after the attacks of 2322 and 2871.  She opened her mouth to say something, but before she could—

“One-Eye?!”

She whipped around.  Not. That. Voice…

But it was.  One of the twins herself was across the street, running right over.  The bigger one – was it Billie?  Or had Jill finally caught up to her in size?

Leela snatched at Fry’s hand.  “Let’s get out of here,” she uttered, quickening her step.  “This way – there’s a shortcut.”  She tugged him down an alley that led to the next street over.

“But—wait—is that—?!”  Fry looked back over his shoulder.  “Holy…”

They were about halfway down the alley right as Maybe-Billie caught up.  “You’re still around?” she hissed, clamping her hand down on Leela’s shoulder.  “I would have thought you’d have killed yourself a long time ago.”

“Same to you,” Leela scowled.  She pried off the twin’s hand and began backing away.  “Let’s go, Fry,” she said again.  Her eye widened as her back hit brick – where where where was the way out?  She’d backed into a wall.  Again – here – now –

Once again Fry did his Shield-Leela move, standing right in her way.  “Get out of here,” he ordered Possibly-Billie.  “Uh, please?”

In a blur of motion, the twin slammed her fist into the side of his head, sending him crashing into one of the walls.  He slid to the ground motionless.

Probably-Billie grinned and took another step close to Leela, blocking her in.  “This never gets old,” she said as she raised her hand.

Stuck – again – cornered Howisthishappeningagain?  Leela’s fists clenched tightly.  Frozen—she didn’t freeze anymore—why couldn’t she just mov—!

She was hit; the twin punched her dead-on.  Her head smacked against the stone behind her and a wave of dizziness hit briefly before passing.

…That was it?  That’s what I’ve been afraid of all these years?!   Leela looked from Fry’s unconscious form to Most-Likely-Billie and narrowed her eye, resolving herself.  “All right, now I’m pissed.”  She drew up every ounce of humiliation, terror, and pain from those years and channeled it all into a battering of punches and hits, forcing the twin further away from her.  Finally she landed one last furious kick, jumping up and lashing out with both feet.

Her former nemesis sailed into the street and immediately bounced off a hovercar, landing in the back of the hovertruck following it.  Even if she’d just hit the ground, Leela was sure the twin would have been out for days – she’d never landed a kick that hard until this moment.

She stood there a second, catching her breath, until she realized—

“Fry.”  Leela ran over to check on him, turning him over and listening for breathing.  He was.  “Oh thank god.”  He still didn’t move.  “Would you wake up already?”  She reached for his wrist to check a pulse.  It was there, still strong.  He was just out cold. 

Leela shook her head and sat on the ground next to him, still keeping hold of his hand.  “You could sleep through anything.”  She realized how heavy her own eyelid was and leaned her head back against the wall.  “I’m gonna pass out too, I think,” she said.  “Just for a second here.”
------------------------

The next part will be the end.  And I really hope I'm not the only one here who reads the "Fearless" series by Francine Pascal, because it's been my favorite since 1999, and kind of reminds me of Futurama in the whole 'shipping department.  (Guy liking girl, girl not reciprocating [at first], etc.)  But in this next part I stole borrowed a couple lines.  Spot them if you can!  *

-------------

“—la?  Leela?  Wake up…”

She opened her eye, returning to consciousness quite suddenly.  “I’m up, I’m up.”  Fry was sitting next to her, looking worried.  “What?”

“Uh, what happened?”  Fry asked.  “I mean, with you – and that bad twin –”

Leela smiled in spite of herself.  “I expect by now she’s on one of the Unrecyclables islands.  I kicked her into a dumptruck.”  Sitting forward, she stretched her arms forward and listened to the crack of her joints waking up.  “I haven’t enjoyed a good ass-kicking like that in ages.”

“Not bad,” laughed Fry.  “I just wish I’d been awake long enough to see it.”  It was then that Leela noticed the angry violet bruise just under his temple.

“Does it hurt?” she asked, not realizing her fingers were grazing the skin.

“It kills.”  Fry watched the movement out of the corner of his eyes.

She got to her feet.  “I’ll go get you some ice.”  There was a convenience store around the corner, she knew.

“Don’t go,” Fry asked simply, following her.  “Stay here, okay?”

Leela stopped and turned back.  “Okay.”  The war was beginning once again; she wanted both to get out of that moment and halt any awkward Something, and at the same time…. 

Would it absolutely kill you to just take this chance?  Just once.  You know he cares.  Hell, you know you care.  Why are you still doing this?

They were still standing uncomfortably close – embarrassingly so if nothing ended up happening, but but but—it just wasn’t that easy.  Was it?

“I – um, thank you,” Leela began.  “For – well, for everything.”

“What, when I—”

“Yes, this time and the time we got stung, and the oxygen and…  Everything,” she said helplessly.

Fry shrugged.  “It didn’t work like it should’ve,” he muttered, head down.  “None of it did.”

“It did,” Leela insisted.  “I don’t think I ever told you how much I do appreciate it.  All of it.  And… you.”  She forced down any last stubborn misgivings and stepped closer as his eyes widened.

“But—”

She kissed him.  Just to shut him up.

[end mayhaps?]

--


* All right, all right... if you must cheat, here it is...  Book nineteen if anybody reads  it.

[Reply #52 on:]

Double posting, but with a brand new fic.   
Okay, here’s a little one-shot I turned out the other night.  There’s a song that’s always reminded me of a sad F/L scenelet, and I finally decided to do something with it.  Actually, I finally decided to write it after reading Ralph Snart's postings about BBS and Leela's ... well, rudeness.  (Thanks, by the way, for the inadvertent inspiration!)

The song is “Broken Record” by Scarling (amazing song, amazing band).  This takes place just after the opera.  Kind of angsty – sorry. :/  *ducks into a shipper-proof shelter*

Another thing:  This is my first songfic in nearly two years.  It’s my first finished songfic in about three.  Woo!  I STILL suck at them!

--

Broken Record
(“Broken MP3”?  )

Just one more drink, and then go to bed
You stared at your glass as I emptied my head
I said that I’m sorry, you said “That’s a shame
I’ll blame those boys with those sweet Christian names”

His gaze seemed to be outlining the champagne glass in front of him.  I could almost see the lopsided pencil markings drawn over the cream-colored tablecloth surrounding the base of the glass.

“…and, I mean, it would be one thing if…”  My voice simply stopped like a ship without fuel, drifting in silence.  Helplessly I held up my hands with the palms skyward. 

Fry sipped his drink, uncharacteristically quiet.  He lifted his eyes to meet me.  “So, then – everything that happened…  Not just tonight, but the past few years…  It means nothing?”

“No!  Not nothing,” I insisted quickly.  “I really have been thinking a lot about all this…  Us, I guess.  You are my best friend.  And I --  You don’t even know how important you are.  I would never want to hurt you or lose you.”

“But…” 

I sighed.  “I’m sorry.  But no matter how much I like you, and like you being my friend, and everything else that goes with that – I just don’t see anything coming of this.”  Guiltily I stared at the floor, remembering the events that had just happened.  “I feel horrible doing this after the evening we just had, but would you rather I lie?”

“Leela, I don’t get it.  You know how much I wanted those hands, and I gave them up – everything up! – to save you.  Everyone walked out of that opera, but you stayed – just to torment me some more?”  He shook his head.  “I just…  I don’t get it.  Maybe I am stupid.”

“I told you I was sorry.”  Absently I reached up and toyed with one of my earrings, holding onto the blue metal and letting it go.  “I should have told you before the opera and stopped everything that happened.”

“Maybe it’s not your fault,” Fry went on as if I hadn’t even spoken.  “Maybe it’s those other guys’ faults.  Everyone you dated previously hurt you.  Why shouldn’t you worry that I’d do the same?  Even though I wouldn’t!” he added quickly.

“Fry, stop.  I know you wouldn’t.”  But why won’t you let anything become of this? I couldn’t help asking myself.  And I didn’t know.  Him chasing me, and me never saying “yes” was a constant.  It was our ritual, and breaking it would…  Actually I didn’t know what breaking it would do, but I wasn’t eager to find that out. 

It wasn’t that I was afraid of a relationship.  Not for myself, anyway.  But truth be told, there just wasn’t anything drawing me to be with Fry in that way.  He was a friend, a good friend, but that was it. 

Pretending there was more would just tear him apart in the long run.


I'm planning for closure with guilt and remorse
You long for moments when love was a source
And if you’re not happy, why do you stay?
Treacherous answers part lips and you’d say…

This was getting old.  I’d be glad when dessert menus finally were offered, so we could be one step closer to leaving.  As much as I hated the idea of hurting Fry, I hated keeping up this charade more.

You just were thinking a minute ago how much you liked the familiarity of it, I recognized.  Which was true.  The every so often stuff was comforting in its constance, but having a heart to heart like this?  Being honest and not being able to brush the whole thing off?  Getting more, disarmingly serious? 

It was more than awkward – it was painful.  I wanted to get out of here as soon as I could.  Wonder if I could fake a heart attack without the emergency-bots showing up in time?  What if I faked a seizure?  Or food poisonin—

Guilt slammed into me like a hovercar falling from the sky.  Here I was bored when I was going to be making Fry miserable tonight.  Tonight of all nights.

He didn’t seem to notice my getting lost in thought.  Actually, I realized, he was pretty pensive himself, using a fork to imprint small dot-matrix patterns into the lone ravioli left.

“Fry?”

“Huh?”

“Are you okay?”

He nodded automatically.  “I was just trying to figure out what time I can get back safely tonight.  Right before I left for here, Bender told me he was having a ‘small party’ at the apartment and that I wasn’t supposed to be there.”

I rolled my eye.  “He sexiled you again?”

“That’s what I’m thinking, yeah.”

It made me think of something.  “Fry, things aren’t always as wonderful and fun as you make them out to be, are they?”  He shrugged.  “I wondered this when you first got unfroze but never got around to asking.  If there was a way to go back to your time… would you?”

Fry blinked, then looked down to the left as he thought.


“Oh, this never felt like home”
And you said “Oh, you never left me alone”
And I said “Oh, I would’ve started to drown”
Oh… This record broke on its own

“It took awhile for 3000 to feel like a place I could belong,” he said finally.  “I mean, that’s why I was actually happy to be a delivery boy again – it was something from my own time that I could… It was familiar.  Something I knew.”

I smiled, remembering one of the early deliveries and the remark about having delivered stuff since before I’d been born.

“But for the most part I felt completely out of place for a long while.  I mean, all these new words and customs?  Half the stuff I was saying and doing was archetypical—”

“Archaic?”

“Yeah, whatever.  Everything I knew and everyone I knew died out while I basically slept.  And I didn’t know anyone here or how to fit in.  It was like being in a foreign country – only without crazy accents and bad water.”  He laughed.  “Plus being yelled at half the time didn’t help.”

I bit my lip.  “I was a bit bossy at first, wasn’t I?” 

“After a while I did enjoy myself.  It was actually better than home – I mean, actually being home wasn’t really a ‘home’ home when I was there.  Not like here.”  He looked at me again.  “But anyway.  I guess it was like learning to like something or someone, rather than liking it as soon as you see it.  Or her.”

“I can’t even imagine what it must have been like,” I said, ignoring the obvious hint.  “And you know something?  Until you, I never gave the defrostees a second thought.  It was just my job, what I was trained to do, something to pay the bills.  But I mean… if I had to go through all that…  Wake up in a new time, everyone I knew gone…  I’d be so lost.  I don’t know how you’ve thrived like you have.”


Surrender or nothing, I’m giving my best
By ripping what’s left from your half empty chest
Tonight I’ll be honest, tonight you’ll be brave
It’s all that I wanted, it’s all that you crave

Fry grinned.  “I’ve ‘thrived’?  Sounds like small praise there.  Changed your mind yet?”

“Okay, just stop right there.”  I took a deep breath before continuing.  “I’m trying to be honest and nice here, both at the same time – but you’re not really making it easy.”

“I just don’t understand how you can sa—”

I held up my hand.  “Fry, stop, please.  Let me finish.  You have to see it my way for a second.  I don’t know how – or why – you think there could ever be anything between us, but there isn’t.  We are friends.  Good friends.  And that’s all.  Is that bad?  I like you, yes, but I will never love you.  I’m sorry.  It’s just the way it is.

“You keep after me, constantly.  And I’m supposed to politely turn you down every single time.  I don’t know how much clearer I can be without getting bitchy.  I do not love you and will never.  We’re two totally different people, but even if we were – if something’s not there, it’s not there.  Wake the hell up.”

Fry reeled, looking away.

Immediately I felt that maddening sense of guilt again.  Why did I have to be so cruel?  And, I wondered, why did I have to be put into this position to have to be cruel?  When would he just get the point?

“You did love me once,” Fry said finally.  “You don’t remember – I don’t either – but it happened.”  He got quiet again, and my nerves went on edge.  “Remember our marriage?”

How could I forget?  What a disaster.  And to this day I wished I knew what had happened in full.

“I didn’t trick you,” he continued.  “I…  Okay.  The stars we moved, and then blew up?  Apparently I used the gravity pump at some point that mission on my own.  And I wrote your name in the sky.  I love you, Leela.   I did then and still do.  And that’s what you never saw.”

There was no way.  He could barely pilot the ship in a straight line, much less… all that.  Besides, why wouldn’t I have seen it when we flew back to the stars?

Fry saw the doubt on my face.  “I don’t care if you saw it or not.  I know it was.  I saw it myself.”  Sighing, he sat back in his chair.  “Look, I know what the deal is.  You only like me when I’m not myself.  Is that it?  Worm-enhanced or with devil’s hands or moving stars.  It’s never me.”

I couldn’t argue, though I wanted to.  The guilt was having to move over to make room for a nice big dose of shame.


You’re watching my face; my tears are a strain
Your heart makes a fist and it’s bruising my brain
And if I’m so happy, why do I say
Thoughtless things that linger, rot, and decay?

“You date these guys who just end up hurting you,” Fry continued.  “You date them and you rub it in my face, and then they dump you or you reach your limit and dump them.  But then I’m supposed to pick up the pieces when you come crying to me?  The one you had no problem ignoring and hurting when things were fine?

“Do you know what that makes you?  Selfish.  And you say Bender and I are the selfish ones.  The only difference between us and you is that we accept our faults.  You on the other hand get on your little high horse and pretend to be better than everyone else.” 

My head started pounding.  It was as if a clamp were being tightened around my temples.  I closed my eye.

“Leela?”

“…confidentially, I might not make it back to my apartment tonight.  Could you walk Nibbler for me?”

“I’ll start by not caring what you think!”

“I love what you’ve become. ”

“…the only excuse I could think of involved ghosts.  I knew he wouldn’t buy it…  I flipped a coin.  It came up heads and we went out.”
“So that’s why you said you had to meet that ghost!”

“Leela?  Leela!  Are you okay?”

I shook myself out of my reverie.  Fry was staring at me, worried.  “You okay?  You were gone for a short while there.”

“I’m fine,” I said, although I wasn’t.  My migraine had worsened, pulsating with every word I spoke.

“You’re crying,” Fry said softly.

I felt my cheeks with the back of my hand and was startled to realize that he was right.  Somehow I had been crying without even realizing.  “It’s… uh, nothing.  I have a headache,” I muttered, reaching into my purse for some Extra-Cedrine.

Was I even aware of what I’d done?  All those times I was unnecessarily cruel – why didn’t I think?


And you said “Oh, this never felt like home”
And you said “Oh, you never left me alone”
And I said “Oh, I would’ve started to drown”
This record broke on its own

An awkward silence.

“I have to ask, one last time.  Is this it?” Fry looked around.  Yes, we were on a “date,” I supposed, but things weren’t going well.  And there wouldn’t be another one after this, I knew.  So it didn’t much count.

“What do you want?”  I lifted and dropped my shoulders.  “False hope, or the truth?  Would it be better if I went out with you because I felt sorry for you?  Is that any better than being honest, which you can’t seem to understand anyway?”

“Brutal honesty isn’t what I’m looking for.”  Fry raised an eyebrow.  “And neither is not-so-subtle excuses and total lies.”

I shook my head.  “What exactly is it you want?  We’re at a stalemate here.  I’m damned if I say no, and I’m damned if I say yes just because I feel bad.  So what in robot hell is the point here?”

Fry looked away.  “I don’t know either.”


And you said “Oh, Christ, hang up the phone”
And you said “Oh, I guess I’ve always known”
But I said “Oh, never leave me alone”
Oh, this record breaks on its own
Oh, this record breaks on its own
Oh, this record breaks on its own

We really couldn’t find much more to say after that, so the rest of the so-called date passed in uncomfortable silence.  We split costs, and outside, went our separate ways.

The whole way walking, I was replaying the entire ugly scene in my head.  I knew I’d been right.  But then again, so was he.  Where were we left but in this same old argument?  We were like a skipping MP3.  It wasn’t really either of our faults, but I still felt bad.

Somehow I lost myself in musings so much that I wandered onto another street and walked three blocks out of the way before turning back around.

I picked up the wallphone the second I got in and dialed before I realized what I was doing.  Luckily, Fry was there and answered.  “What?”  He looked pissed and was talking quietly; Bender was passed out on the sofa behind him.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry.  For… well, for everything.”  For not feeling the same, for being so rude in so many ways, for not at least giving it a try…

Fry cut me off before I could explain.  “Don’t.  There’s nothing to apologize for.  I get it, all right?”  Pausing, his expression softened.  “I guess I’ve always kind of known it would never work.  But you know me.  I’m stupid and stubborn.  I guess I wouldn’t let myself get the damn point.”  An angry look briefly passed over his face, so quickly I almost didn’t see it.  “Anyway.  I’ll stop bothering you now.”  Quietly and expressionlessly he hit the off button, and my screen went blank.

I shook my head and sank into the chair, resting my chin in my hands.  What if I don’t want you to? I couldn’t help thinking.


Oh, oh, oh oh
This record breaks on its own
Oh, this record breaks on its own

[Reply #53 on:]

This is great. Love your use of first-person narrative, and the term 'sexiled'.

[Reply #54 on:]

Thanks.   

And you wouldn't believe how long it took me to remember the word "exile."  I'm sitting there going "Exclude?  Extole?" for probably a half hour.    Oh god.  I hate blanking on words.

I was lucky enough to only be sexiled once at school.  Luckily it was one of the years I was in the Arts Village - a lounge put aside just for art/music/writing students.  So I did have a place to go.

-

Also, I've been waiting for this to appear before I posted about it.  Last week I grabbed a whole bunch of caps from BBS and made my version of a music video - which is basically stills, with varied transitions.  I have no idea how to do the cooler ones with actual moving clips.  Cursed ignorance!  But anyway, it's here.   It's "Everything You Want." (Yes, Kaalira is one of my aliases.)  IMO it's tons better than my first (which is also up there).

-

To prevent a double post:
Some very outdated Ipod-silhouettes of Bender.   Before you click them, they're all the same but with different colored backgrounds. The scan itself is from the "Look!  It's Bigfoot!  ...Ahahah, everybody do the Bender!" scene in 4x17.

Next we have a hypnotoad GIF loop.

And two animated avatars!
   


There's also this way-too-speedy one of Zoidberg but I need to redo it.  Apparently my computer was so slow when I made it that it looked normal at the time.  *scoffs*

[Reply #55 on:]

Wow, you're really improving.

[Reply #56 on:]

good job sedna

[Reply #57 on:]

I seem to be posting a lot more lately.  But the other day I tried some actual drawing again.  Came out with this:




Bender from 202, Zoidberg from 212.

-

This isn't Futurama but the same night, I tried a self-portrait from this picture.  Came out with this thing in which I look either evil or emo, you pick.  But it's practice and all that.

Also did this drawing of my niece.  (And she's got a twin sister!   )

[Reply #58 on:]

good job sedna, you've still got it

[Reply #59 on:]

Something kinda dumb:



I like how the bottom two pics came out at least.  Toying with layering/ glowy effects and such.

[Reply #60 on:]

I think you did a really good job with the last pic

[Reply #61 on:]

Hee. Awesome. Zoid-Christ always cracks me up.

[Reply #62 on:]

My absolute favorite moment from the entire show captured in all it's luminous glory. Well done!