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Author Topic: Changes, a new fanfic by N1F.  (Read 1872 times)
Pages: [1] 2 3 4 Print
x-number1fan-x

Starship Captain
****
« on: 11-05-2006 12:06 »

Well this is my first fanfic, I'm only hoping to post 3/4 large chunks because in my opinion I rush into things way too fast, the begginings not very long, but I hope you enjoy it(and please don't be freaked out about the last sentance!):

   In the closet of apartment number 00100100, lay Phillip J Fry. He wondered. Wondered why his roommate, a drunken Bending Unit had, earlier staggered out of the room, muttering under his breath something along the lines of "Beating Jamie...", he wondered why he was stuck in a robots storage room on a saterday night, but most of all, he wondered why the one-eyed girl of his dreams did'nt want anything to do with him. Leela. Turanga Leela, with her glowing indigo hair, and soft, soothing smile, was all he could ask for...
   A metal arm cracking open his door brought him back to reality; "Come on Meatbag, I'm takin' you out."
"Really Bender?... Wait, why would you do anyhting nice for me...?
" 'Cause I'm so kind, why d'ya think?, No its 'cause im sick of you stinkin' up the place, come on" On that note, Fry slipped on a pair of black sneakers and followed his companion out of the room, and into the streets of New New York.
                     
   After an hours trek around various shopping facilities, they stopped directly opposite a metal contraption, resmbling what we would call a phone box, when Bender said, in a way only as if he had practised it for months on end, "Hey... look its Amy, and whos that with her...? Oh its Leela!"
In a similar tone of voice, Amy uttered the words, "Hi Fry! Hi Bender! Look Leela say hi!"
Simutaneously, the clueless 'blast from the past' and mutant, replied "Uh... hi!"
"So what brings you two here?" inquired Fry,
Amy was first to respond, with the words, "Nothing really just... NOW BENDER!" At that precise moment, without a second thought, Bender grabbed the cyclops and the moron,and hauled them into the metal compliance.
After closing the door he then bellowed into them, "I put a quarter in their incase you need to go. So lets see if you two can settle your differences in this twentieth century toilet can! Seriously I've been waiting for these guys to finally get together for years..."
"Uuh, Bender... thats not a twentieth century toilet can... thats a suicide booth...!"
"...Oh OK, well I'm off"
Amys voice had now risen to a shriek, "Bender! Where could you possibly go thats more important than here, with your friends who we've possibly just killed! Idid'nt tell you to put a quarter in there, and I told you the best, and most privite place to take them was a suicide booth, so we had to be careful! I mean we can't just leave them in there!"
"I can! I have to go find a casino that accepts 'Walt Disney Dollars'!"
"But... ooh that sound like fun!"
So off went the filthy rich martian and the smug Bending Unit, into the distance to the nearest casino, leaving their best friends trapped inside a machine full of thrashing weapons of mass destruction.
                     
   Inside such a mechanism, Fry and Leela wre huddled together, in a corner, both covered in small scratches and wounds, and both trying not to be killed.Muttering curses under her breath, Leela attemted to get comfertable, resulting in Fry staring horrified at the sight of the top of Leelas skull being sawed off, and the calm voice of the booth stating that they were dead, and thanking them for participating...
jle1993

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #1 on: 11-05-2006 12:16 »

Ooooooooooo, me likes, well apart from Leela's head being sawed off. Good idea locking them in a small area together, more please!
x-number1fan-x

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #2 on: 11-05-2006 12:19 »

maybe tomorrow, i only just finished that one, im writing frys reaction at the moment
jle1993

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #3 on: 11-05-2006 12:21 »

I will wait with baited breath, seriously, I love this fic so far!
x-number1fan-x

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #4 on: 11-05-2006 12:27 »

aww thanks, i used my thesaurus to look up posh words!
jle1993

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #5 on: 11-05-2006 12:29 »

Cool, I do that too!  big grin
Writer unit32

Professor
*
« Reply #6 on: 11-05-2006 12:31 »
« Last Edit on: 11-05-2006 12:31 »

Great!Now you read my please.
x-number1fan-x

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #7 on: 11-05-2006 12:32 »
« Last Edit on: 11-05-2006 12:32 »

i have!, even though that request was all jumbled up!
Writer unit32

Professor
*
« Reply #8 on: 11-05-2006 12:39 »

Yeah thanks for the replis you and jle got me in the mood I'm writing as we speak(actually I'm doing my homework,when I'm done I'll start writing)!
x-number1fan-x

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #9 on: 11-05-2006 12:41 »

i got homework! i cant be bovvered though cuz it only has to be in for thursday, and tuesday!
jle1993

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #10 on: 11-05-2006 12:41 »

Wow, we actually got you to keep writing, I'm so proud!
Officer 1BDI

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #11 on: 11-05-2006 12:46 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by x-number1fan-x:Muttering curses under her breath, Leela attemted to get comfertable, resulting in Fry staring horrified at the sight of the top of Leelas skull being sawed off, and the calm voice of the booth stating that they were dead, and thanking them for participating...

...That went in a different direction than I was expecting.  It came out of nowhere (much like the saw probably did, now that I consider it), and I love twists that come out of nowhere.  Please continue.
x-number1fan-x

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #12 on: 11-05-2006 13:05 »

me too, and i'm currently writing the next part... with more twities...unless your good at figuring out twists and watch the simpsons (theres a clue... think back to one of the newer episodes...)
Apple Tea

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #13 on: 11-05-2006 15:10 »

Noice, off to a great start, very interesting.
Writer unit32

Professor
*
« Reply #14 on: 11-05-2006 15:13 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by x-number1fan-x:
i got homework! i cant be bovvered though cuz it only has to be in for thursday, and tuesday!

I got to do it today...But I did what like to call 'party now, study later'
x-number1fan-x

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #15 on: 11-05-2006 15:47 »

me too, i've nearly finished typing up the next section, and this ones a doozy!
Writer unit32

Professor
*
« Reply #16 on: 11-05-2006 15:57 »

I'm typing my update and I'm not gonna sleep until I post it and another one!
x-number1fan-x

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #17 on: 11-05-2006 16:00 »

hehe, where dya live cuz i can estimate the time there...
Writer unit32

Professor
*
« Reply #18 on: 11-05-2006 16:01 »
« Last Edit on: 11-05-2006 16:01 »

Ignore
x-number1fan-x

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #19 on: 11-05-2006 16:10 »

urr, you just said that
Writer unit32

Professor
*
« Reply #20 on: 11-05-2006 16:17 »

Whoopsy-Daisy!
x-number1fan-x

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #21 on: 11-05-2006 16:23 »

Heres my second short update;

(2)

   "AARHH!" screamed Fry, mere seconds before dragging Leelas unconsious body out of the terrible contraption that may have killed his one and only, through sobs, he screamed at passers by to call anambulance, most of them simply fainted, or walked by without a second glance, but one person stayed to help. She was young, blonde, pretty, 3"4 and at seven years old, she didn't completely understand what was going on, but still, she handed Fry her video phone, and waited for the time that she could get away from the scary cyclops whos purple hair had now turned a frightning shade of red. "Yeah we're next to the suicide booth on 24th street, New New York... No she dosn't want do die... sure I'll hol...I mean NO, she could be dead by now, GAH just send an ambulance!" he returned the video phone to its rightful owner who had started to run down the street to look for her Mommy. Fry turned his attention to Leela. Taking his trademark jacket off of his back, he wrapped Leelas injured head in its warmth. 'the abulance is taking too long... why is it taking too long?!' He dismissed the thought from his mind as the hover-ambulance, flashing lights and all, pulled up beside them. He was scared, Fry hoped and knew in his heart that Leela would be alright, but still, he was terrified, Leela was his world, the reason he got up in a morning and the last thing he thought about at night, if she were to die, he'd be lost. The surgeons pulled Leela onto a beige stretcher, which was obviously white when it was first purchased. A crowd of medics huddled around Leela, among them was... "Dr Zoidberg?... What are you doing here?"
"Why am I here? Well, I don't know lets do the math... Doctor + Injury = Ambulance, that anwer your question?"
"Yeah I guess so" By now Leela was hooked up toa heart monitor, which was bleeping uncontrolably.
"She's alive, but only just," claimed one doctor in a green smock "We might be able to save her, but the cahnces are slim" Just then, they arrived at the New New York General Hospital. The blood soaked, indigo haired cyclops was immeadiatly dashed into surgery, leaving Fry to apprehensively wander inside the hospitle, and over to the reception desk.
   "Umm, yeah, are you, kinda... busy?"
The woman at the desk looked about nineteen, she had dull black hair and a gaze that would scare count dracula, at that moment, she diverted that ghstly stare from her bright-pink-currently-being-filed-nails, to Fry.
"Well duh, but I've been told to say 'can I help you?'"
"You can actually, I'm looking for a Miss Turanga Leela, she was just taken for a head operation..."
The teenager sarcastically replied "Well, me working in a hospitle, I'm no expert, but I'll take a wild guess and say she's in the operating theatre!"
"Err...thanks" answered Fry, slowly backing away, before hurrying down the corridor, still feeling the receptioists gaze burning a hole in the back of his head, when he finally reached the blissful theatre, Frys attention was not grabbed by Leelas open cranium, but by the group of people watching the cranium in question being sewn up. These people were called personally by the deputy assistant surgeon, Dr Zoidberg. Beder, Amy, Hermes and Farnsworth {aka- the Planet Express Crew} gasped in relief as Leelas single eye fluttered open.
"LEELA!" yelled Fry bolting over to her, and gently kissing her on the cheek"Are you OK, You must have so many questions, I was..."
"I do, I have one question... Who are you people?"
Writer unit32

Professor
*
« Reply #22 on: 11-05-2006 16:38 »

OH.MY.GOD.[spontaneously combusts]
x-number1fan-x

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #23 on: 11-05-2006 16:39 »
« Last Edit on: 11-05-2006 16:39 »

hehe! i wanted a reaction like that

ps; im done for the night, maybe more tomorrow, after ive done my homework
Writer unit32

Professor
*
« Reply #24 on: 11-05-2006 16:42 »

It's great!I updated my,please make a reply as quick as you can.My folks are making me go to bed
x-number1fan-x

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #25 on: 11-05-2006 16:44 »

oh ok, (so are mine, but im stalling, hehe)
Dead Composer
Delivery Boy
**
« Reply #26 on: 11-05-2006 16:47 »

Spelling errors, grammar errors, run-on paragraphs...yet it gets ten times more responses than my stories do, because it's shippy.  C'mon, people, my stories are as good as anything else on this site.
x-number1fan-x

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #27 on: 11-05-2006 16:49 »

oh well, i had to rush, errors don't really matter that much, to me or my english teacher, (she thinks its qualiity, not quantity OR grammar/spellings)
PazuzuJr

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #28 on: 11-05-2006 16:51 »

Im scared VERY SCared but thats really good! (think bender and especially amy were a bit mean and out of character leaving them both)
x-number1fan-x

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #29 on: 11-05-2006 16:54 »

i know but, i had a plot in my head, and i could'nt think of how to get there..., that was my best option, either that or some crazy thing that happens on mars with kif, and a heck of alot of candy...
Apple Tea

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #30 on: 11-05-2006 16:58 »
« Last Edit on: 11-06-2006 00:00 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Dead Composer:
Spelling errors, grammar errors, run-on paragraphs...yet it gets ten times more responses than my stories do, because it's shippy.  C'mon, people, my stories are as good as anything else on this site.

But Leela died, it cant be shippy, hehehe, *gasp* unless it was all just a dream!

EDIT: O wait I just read the second part...
Officer 1BDI

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #31 on: 11-05-2006 17:33 »
« Last Edit on: 11-05-2006 17:33 »

@ Dead Composer: There are clearly things in this story that the author could improve, most which you've already touched upon.  That doesn't mean the users here shouldn't give her any less attention than they're giving her.  If anything, more reviews could help her improve these aspects of her writing (although I admit they aren't critical enough to do that at the moment...).

I can imagine your frusteration, but I think it's unfair to rant about it in another writer's thread just because you feel their story is "subpar."

That said, your English teacher and my English teacher(s) clearly differ on what defines "quality," N1F.  While quantity itself isn't necessarily important, I strongly believe good grammar and spelling are, and so I also suggest that you consider strenthening those aspects of your prose.  Even if they aren't important to you, they makes things a heck of a lot easier for your audience.
Tastes Like Fry

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #32 on: 11-05-2006 17:45 »

Dead Composer; I don't want to gripe, but your stories are not getting as much attention as you want because you're not making much effort to give attention to other people's stories. Popularity shouldn't matter.

I must agree with Officer 1BDI on the English skills; it's difficult to read things that aren't correctly written.
Fantastic plotline so far! Can't wait to see how it all turns out.
Dead Composer
Delivery Boy
**
« Reply #33 on: 11-05-2006 19:32 »

Why don't I make much effort to give attention to other people's stories?  Frankly, it's because shippy fics don't interest me much, and my honest opinions would be out of place in threads where the typical response consists of "shippy shippy shippy yay" repeated 10 times.
Apple Tea

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #34 on: 11-06-2006 00:02 »

I agree with Officer 1BDI and Tastes Like Fry.  Not to criticize anyone in particular its just that grammar helps the reader go at a smooth pace, when there are errors it disrupts the flow and takes the reader out of the setting you are trying to set for him.

@Dead Composer:  Aw man why'd you quit your thread?  You shouldn't be discouraged, your fanfic is good, frankly i dunno why people dont hang out there more.  I guess we post more in these threads cause we're more familiar with each other, if you notice its usually the same people posting here and there.
Writer unit32

Professor
*
« Reply #35 on: 11-06-2006 02:46 »

Hey x-N1F-x named Bender BEDer!How true...
x-number1fan-x

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #36 on: 11-06-2006 04:13 »

sorry, i'll try to get my grammar and spelling right next time, i have to use a version of word that dosn't correct you, so I'm trying! Maybe post more soon!
Bending Unit 99

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #37 on: 11-06-2006 04:54 »

this is an awesome fic, yay
coldangel

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #38 on: 11-06-2006 06:02 »

Amnesia, eh?
Cool stuff
Writer unit32

Professor
*
« Reply #39 on: 11-06-2006 10:48 »

Anmesia?Oh god this is turning into a All My Circuits parody!
Just joking
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