And now to something I made...FUTURAMA FANSCRIPT- - - SLEEPING STUPID
CAPTION: ONCE UPON A TIME…
EXT: PLANET EXPRESS [establishing shot]
INT: PLANET EXPRESS
BENDER and FRY are on the couch watching an ape fight on TV, LEELA is sitting on the floor leant against FRY’S knees reading a book entitled ‘The Idiot’s Guide to Understanding Idiots.’
TV (VO): … And Xanfoid has Fluffy pinned down! Oh wait, Fluffy breaks free and – ouch! That’s got to hurt…
Door opens and in comes the professor
PROF: Good news everyone!
BENDER: Oh dear God no…
PROF: You’re off on a dangerous mission to deliver this package to the planet of Fwee. A planet where joy and happiness can be bought in a bottle. Oh my yes, a wonderful place it must be.
LEELA: Uh, Professor, how is this mission dangerous?
PROF: Hwa? Dangerous? Oh my no, it’s not dangerous. Not with the Fairies and elves and the occasional hobbit.’
FRY: Fairies?! Cool! Are there elves too?
BENDER: And Leprechauns? With… you know… lots of gold?
PROF: Leprechauns? Elves? Those things don’t exist! What do you take me for? Some kind of old insane crackpot senile fool?
LEELA: Well actually…
PROF: Shutup! I’m the one talking here! Now be careful you imbeciles, this mission is very dangerous, you will battle dragons and witches and atomic supermen! Your destiny awaits, off you go!
EXT: SPACE, PLANET EXPRESS SHIP heading towards a planet that’s made of blue and pink swirl clouds. Welcome sign: “You are now entering FWEE the land of the happy, carefree and all that sort of soppy crap”. The PLANET EXPRESS SHIP flies past the sign and lands in a massive parking lot that’s ¾ full.
INT: PLANET EXPRESS SHIP CARGO HOLD, FRY BENDER push hover dollies with crates stacked on them. LEELA follows them out and is reading from a clip board.
LEELA: These two crates are full of potions and ingredients…
LEELA: … and we need to get these to the right place without being distracted and running off and causing trouble.
FRY: Double boring.
LEELA: [frowning] And I don’t think I can trust you two, I’ll have to come.
FRY: Aw, come on Leela, you can trust me. I’m a prime delivery boy!
BENDER: More like a prime delivery dope! Ahahaha! Naw, come on Leela, I’m a prime bending robot!
LEELA: I don’t care how prime, deliverable or bendable you are. These potions are very valuable and I don’t want them getting “lost” [glares at BENDER]
BENDER: [whistles non-chalantly]
LEELA turns and presses a button on a key ring. The PLANET EXPRESS SHIP beeps and flashes its indicators as it locks. The crew is walking through a crowded street where peasant type people are doing their shopping. BENDER has shifty eyes as he extends his arm and takes a bag of coins while the shopkeeper has his back turned. He laughs evilly as he stows it inside his chest compartment. FRY and LEELA are walking up ahead with a dolly.
FRY: I thought we had been through this; I can look after myself Leela.
LEELA: I know you can look after yourself; it’s the cargo I’m worried about.
FRY: Leela, please, I am the prime-
GUARD: HALT! Who goes there?
FRY: We do.
GUARD: And you would be who?
LEELA: [cutting in] Planet Express Delivery for a Eve L. Laitative
FRY: [indignant] Leela!
GUARD: [stepping aside] Go through the doors, straight ahead, you can’t miss it.
LEELA: Thank you!
GUARD: [dramatically] …and may you escape the horror from within [becomes plaintative again]
LEELA: [unsure] Uh… thanks?
LEELA and FRY walk through a door that creaks as it opens and find them selves in a massive intimidating foyer.
FRY: [whimpers] I want to go back now.
LEELA: Oh you baby, you-
BEA: [loudly] SILENCE! [quietly] …in the Queen’s palace.
LEELA looks at a quivering FRY who had jumped into her arms at the sudden noise, scowls and unceremoniously drops him.
FRY: [thud] Ow!
BEA: How did you get past the guards?
FRY: We’re delivering these [points at crates] to Evil Laxative
LEELA: [hurriedly] Eve L Laitative
BEA: We ordered more crates than this.
LEELA glances at her surrounding wide-eyed and then when she comes to a realization she rounds up on FRY
LEELA: Where the hell is Bender?
FRY: Oh No! Poor Bender, lost and alone on the happiest place in the universe! He’ll be so upset.
BENDER: [OS] [panicky noises]
FRY: *sniffle* I miss him so much, I can still hear him like the time he fell from the apartment window.
BENDER runs into the foyer, pushing the dolly in front of him. His chest cabinet is fit to burst and you can hear clanking as he runs.
Guards and shop keepers run in after BENDER shouting accusations.
BENDER: Bender’s innocent!
BEA: [loudly] SILENCE! [quietly] …in the Queen’s palace.
BEA looks around at everyone who has fallen over in shock. Except the PE crew. LEELA stands with BEA, shaking her head. FRY has leapt into BENDER’S arms this time. BENDER gives FRY a look of annoyance before dropping him like LEELA did.
FRY: [thud] Ow!
EVE: [entering] What is the meaning of this?
Everyone [except PE crew and BEA] gasps and drops to their hands and knees in a worshipping bow. EVE stands before them; her elaborate outfit making her look similar to a peacock, mainly because it’s made out of peacock feathers. BEA bows more gracefully.
BEA: Your order is here milady
EVE: Ah yes, ingredients of the finest of collaborator for my top secret project of creating…
She pauses, everyone is watching and listening intently, except FRY who is seemingly staring into space and absentmindedly scratches his ass. And BENDER who is trying to close his chest compartment after having taken an artifact from one of the crates. He succeeds, but when he starts to celebrate, the door falls off and all the treasures he’s stolen fall out along with a couple of his beer bottles which smash. Everyone’s attention is diverted to him.
RANDOM BOT: He stole all my gold and my daughter’s innocence!
BENDER: [giggles then panics as EVE’s shadow passes over him]
EVE: He is a criminal of the highest order! GUARDS! I want locked in the highest room of the tallest tower in the land! And leave him there to rust.
[LEELA, FRY and BENDER gasp]
GUARD: What shall we do with Rapunzel?
EVE: [dramatically] Put her in the tower amongst the thorns [manic laugh]
GUARD: But what about Sleeping…
EVE: Well find somewhere else then!
The guards drag BENDER out of the room.
FRY: No! Bring Bender back!
BENDER: It’s hopeless, I’m DOOOOOO… [Doors slam behind him]
EVE: [threateningly] As for you…
[LEELA and FRY back away fearfully]
EVE: [calmly] You’re welcome to stay for as you want! Bea, I want you to look after our special visitors.
EVE laughs manically as she walks through the curtains out of sight. BEA leads them down a street which is like an old fashioned carnival but there is evidence things are still ‘futuristic’ technology powered, as well as a few seemingly magical as the Fweens are waist height and have small wings.
FRY: [upon seeing a magic trick being performed] Neat!
LEELA: [whispering] Fry, I think we should go.
FRY: But Leela! You said you’d go on the deer ride with me!
He pulls out a brochure to show her. It reads ‘Bambi’s adventure fun time. Must be at least three years old to ride.’ And shows a childish picture of a five year old on a small deer.
LEELA: No. No rides, no dates, no nothing Fry.
FRY: But… the opera… that night at Elzars.
LEELA: Fry, aren’t you worried about Bender?
FRY: Come again?
LEELA: [exasperated sigh]
LEELA grabs FRY’S wrist and yanks him out of sight thinking BEA has not noticed their disappearance. But BEA smiles evilly and pulls out a walky-talky and talks into it.
BEA: The bird has flown the coop. I repeat; the bird has flown the coop.
WALKY TALKY: What the hell are you talking about?
BEA: *sigh* They’ve done a runner.
WALKY TALKY: [static] … what the hell are you talking about?
BEA: They’re going to try and save the robot damnit!
WALKY TALKY: Gooood, everything is going to plan [manic laughter]
BEA: Uh… milady, what is the plan?
WALKY TALKY: Shut up and follow them!
The bars on the window are bent and BENDER is shimmying down a ripped and tied sheet. He laughs triumphantly until he runs out of sheet to use. He is only 1/8th of the way down the tower.
BENDER: Aww crap.
PRINCE CHARMING: Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your golden hair… wait a minute; you’re not Rapunzel – argh!
BENDER has let go and landed on top of PRINCE CHARMING knocking him off the horse. BENDER grabs the reins as the horse rears.
BENDER: [pointing forwards] Cheese it!
But BENDER has failed to notice that he has landed on the horse backwards and when he kicks, the horse takes off and BENDER bounces off, and is dragged away as his foot cup is caught in the reins.
PRINCE CHARMING: Buttercup! [falls to his knees and cries like a girl]
FRY/LEELA: Bender! … Bender!
FRY: Hey look! There’s a tall tower! [points to a run down castle with a sky high tower in the middle. Storm clouds hover over it, lightning flashing]
LEELA: And another! [pointing in the opposite direction at a building structure further away]
They look from one to the other.
FRY: Which one should we check first?
LEELA: How about you check that smaller, further away one and I’ll look at the one that’s scary beyond all reason.
FRY: Ok. I’m coming Bender! [he runs into the bushes]
LEELA: And be careful!
We hear FRY trip and groan as he crashes through the trees. Soon FRY is lost, his clothes are ripped and his hair mussed. The forest is now dark and spooky, eyes can be seen glowing in the darkness.
FRY: Bender, is that you?
FRY runs in a panic and stumbles and trips. He glances up. He has landed in front of someone’s feet. He looks up and gives a yell of terror.
LEELA turns around from where she is.
But silence meets her ears and she hardens her expression and turns back to look at the castle. Lightning and storm clouds frame the crumbling castle. A small dragon is curled up and sleeping, exhaling smoke. LEELA carefully creeps past him. Once inside the castle, LEELA calls quietly.
She climbs the stairs. Shadows follow her. The door and floorboards creaks as she steps into the top room.
A small reflection catches LEELA’S eye. A spinning wheel sat in the moonlight that shone through the window. A sharp needle point was what reflected the light.
LEELA: Ooh pretty.
LEELA reaches out to touch it. [beat] But a floorboard creak alerts her to someone else standing in the room and she turns around and whip her ray gun out.
LEELA: Who are you? Show yourself.
SHADOW: I’m your fate controller. You must touch that needle Leela.
LEELA: No! Why should I? What’s going on here?
SHADOW: The great Queen has commanded it.
LEELA: Eve L Laitative! I knew she was mean, but now it’s personal. Hi-ya!
LEELA leaps at the shadow with a powerful kick but the shadow moves out of the way and blocks every attack LEELA goes with and tries to make its own attack, but LEELA blocks those as well. They fight.
EXT: Enchanted Forest, the sky is clear with pretty stars. BENDER is still riding on the horse and playing his banjo.
BENDER: [singing to tune of Bingo] There is a robot, he is great and Bender is his name oh B-E-N, D-E-R, B-E-N, D-E-R, B-E-N- [spoken] what the?
A dragon stands before him, rears up and breaths fire into the air.
BENDER: [panicky noise]
The horse rides between the dragons legs, BENDER gets hit by the tail and gets a dent in his head.
The horse leaps over a small gorge.
BENDER: [joyously] Whee! Yehaw! [panicky] Run away!
And gallops away with the dragon in pursuit.
FRY: So let me get this straight…
INT: Small house, FRY is sitting on the ground surrounded by several small female Fweens.
FRY: … Blushful, Angry, Boc, Dozey, Silly, Hiccoughy and Cheery
HICCOUGHY: That’s *hic* right!
FRY: So why do live out here in the middle of nowhere? I mean, there’s no glitz, no glamour. And this roof is really low, can’t you afford to raise it up just a little?
BOC: We-er were banished.
All the FWEENS bow their heads in shame except for ANGRY who goes into a rage.
ANGRY: And then they change out names to our personality, and they screwed up I tell you. Ooh, it makes me angry! Lemme at em I say!
ANGRY starts punching the air madly, FRY backs away from her.
CHEERY: Friends! Friends, it’s not so bad remember! We no longer have to pay rental, and the river is always running fresh of soylent purple.
CHEERY fills up a cup of soylent purple from a tap and hands it to FRY who takes a sip and then does a spit-take.
FRY: Euagh! That’s disgusting, that doesn’t even taste like purple.
BOC: But it’s what we live on!
BLUSHFUL: [quietly] and squirrels *blushes*
FRY: Eww. Don’t you have Slurm?
SILLY: That stuff makes me hallucinate
BOC: We-er haven’t had that-that s-stuff here.
FRY: [disappointed] Oh… well do you have any beer then?
HICCOUGHY: *hic* What’s beer?
INT: Spooky castle
LEELA pins the shadow to the ground and with another ‘hi-yah’ as she pulls back the hood. It’s BEA.
LEELA: You! What’s going on here? Tell me or I’ll…
LEELA draws back her fist.
BEA: [panicked] Alright! I’ll tell you. Everyone here has their destiny’s planned for them, and the robot stuffed it up by stealing everything, and you don’t want to make the Queen mad. She destined him to be locked up for life, and you were to be injected with the special sleeping potion and then we would clone a Prince Charming to be a perfect match for you and he would be your true love and you would live happily ever after.
LEELA shook in astonishment.
LEELA: Really? You could do that?
BEA: [nodding] We do it all the time and we use the fairy tale books from over a thousand years ago to make these realities.
LEELA: But Bender won’t get the same treatment?
BEA: As a robot, his feelings and personality can’t be altered.
BENDER: That’s right babeh! Bender’s unchangeable.
BEA and LEELA look on in astonishment as BENDER rides in on Buttercup.
BEA: How the hell did you get past security?
BENDER: You mean those bars? Or Strawberry here?
He gestures to the subdued dragon he’s leading on a rope.
BENDER: Now Bender’s saved the day and we can all live – wait, something’s missing…
LEELA: Oh my god. Fry, he’s still out there.
She seizes BEA
LEELA: Where’s Fry?
BEA: I wouldn’t try to save him. Eve’s going to kill him herself.
LEELA’S eye instantly filled with tears
LEELA: [shaking BEA] Where is Fry?
EXT: Forest, the seven FWEE’S garden outside the house
FRY: [sung] I’m walking on sunshine, whoa. [Spoken] man I need a drink.
FRY gets on his knees and plunges his head into the flowing purple stream and immediately surfaces; gagging. In his hurry to get back up again he slips and falls into the flowing liquid.
FRY: [gag, spit-spit] Help! I can’t swim in soylent purple as far as I know!
A hand reaches in and pulls him to his feet.
FRY: Thanks. Hey, you’re that Evil Laxative we met, thank God you’re here, can you take me back to the ship? I’ve lost Bender and Leela, I don’t know where they are and… where the hell am I?
EVE: Oh you poor thing. You must be so thirsty…
FRY: [panting] so thirsty, so thirsty
EVE: Here, I brought you some slurm, you like slurm?
FRY: [begging] please please please…
EVE gives him a can of slurm and FRY downs it within seconds.
FRY: Ahhh, refreshing.
He holds the can up and grins. [beat] His grin fades and he faints. The can rolls from his hand. As EVE laughs, the seven little FWEES appear looking sad.
EVE: Mwuahahaha! That was almost too easy, as for you my faithful little Fwees, dispose of the body and you shall return to your homes in the city.
She runs away, laughing. BLUSHFUL is sobbing quietly, BOC and DOZEY are hugging each other sadly, SILLY blows her nose comically, HICCOUGHY is hiccoughing nonstop.
CHEERY: Let’s look on the bright side folks! We’re no longer outcasts! … Oh what’s the point? [bursts into tears]
ANGRY: Look at yourselves, what have we become? She’s evil damnit. This kind and helpful stranger has done no wrong! We will not stand for this!
BOC: Give him the anti-dope… I mean dote.
SILLY pulls out a vial, and almost drops it, but she composes herself and elaborately pulls the cork and slips a few drops down FRY’S throat. They all wait intensly. FRY murmers and twitches slightly.
ANGRY: Give me that!
She snatches the bottle from SILLY
ANGRY: You idiot! That’s not the anti-dote, it’s a true love potion.
BOC: [studying Fry] Well he appears to be alive anyway
ANGRY: Now we have to find a true love for him. Where are we going to find a female one of those?
DOZEY: Does it have to be female?
EXT: Forest somewhere
LEELA: [shouting] Fry? Where are you? I’m sorry I yelled at you. Please come back.
LEELA dissolves into tears
BENDER: Buck up sausage link, if it’s any consolation, you still have good ole Bender.
LEELA: You’re right, we can’t give up.
She jumps up and starts hacking at the bushes in front of her.
BEA: How can you want to save him? He was bugging you, he’s stupid and he’s no Prince Charming.
BENDER: Hey, did I say you could speak? [backhands her]
LEELA: [hack] He’s my friend [hack] I was trying to do his job [hack] I was stupid to let him go out on his own [hack] and he loves me more than any Prince Charming could [hack]
The bush that LEELA is hacking at suddenly collapses, revealing the small garden of the seven FWEES
LEELA: Look! It’s a Fwee, hi there! Have you seen a human about yay-high with red hair?
BLUSHFUL, face red and shaking, puts on a determined face.
BLUSHFUL: W-what do you w-want with him?
LEELA: We’re his friends.
BENDER: Except this witch here.
BLUSHFUL runs for the safety of the house.
LEELA: Come on, let’s follow.
They walk up to the house.
ANGRY: [VO] Go away witch!
BENDER ties EVE up to Buttercup who has been following them. And then slaps her.
BENDER: Go back to Prince Pansy Pants.
EVE screams all the way out.
LEELA: The witch is gone- [gasp]
ANGRY has come out with a pitchfork.
ANGRY: How come you only got one eye?
BOC: Angry! Wait! It’s her! From the photo.
The other FWEEN’S murmured in agreement and excitement.
LEELA: Photo? What photo?
HICCOUGHY (hiccoughing) hands her FRY’S wallet which is open with a picture of her hugging Nibbler.
BENDER: I recognize that wallet! You stole this from him? You bastards.
He stows the wallet in his chest cabinet.
ANGRY: Hey, there’s no law against grave robbing.
BENDER: [rolling up his ‘sleeves’] Someone’s pending for a bending.
LEELA: Wait. Grave robbing? We’re too late?
All the FWEES fall silent.
BENDER: [picks up ANGRY by the collar] Where’s my lovable meatbag?
All the FWEENS point towards the side of the house. BENDER drops ANGRY and follows a devastated LEELA around to the back of the house.
LEELA: Fry? Oh Fry!
She kneels before a FRY, encased in glass and the ground covered in forget-me-nots. Crying, LEELA lifts the glass lid.
BOC: We s-should t-te-tell you-
BENDER: Shut the hell up you blithering idiot!
LEELA: [in tears] Oh Fry, this is all my fault.
BENDER: Damn right
LEELA: I’m so sorry.
LEELA cradles FRY’S head and softly kisses him. FRY’S eyelids flicker.
LEELA: [pulling back, breaking the kiss] Fry?
FRY: [opening eyes] Leela?
BENDER: What the hell?
CHEERY: Yay! The spell is broken!
FRY: Where am I? Oh look, it’s that nice lady from the castle.
HICCOUGHY: Oh dear, *hic* It’s the b-*hic* again. We’re in deep s-*hic*
EVE: This is not how it’s supposed to happen. You’re supposed to be locked up, you’re supposed to be a sleeping beauty and you’re supposed to be dead.
LEELA: I think you miss the main plot line.
EVE: Oh really?
BENDER: Yeah Bender is the greatest!
FRY: Yeah! Don’t mess with Bender… right?
LEELA: Close enough. Hi-yah!
LEELA kicks her into the soylent purple stream which sweeps her away screaming.
BENDER and FRY high five.
BENDER: [to the tune of Bingo] B-E-N, D-E-R and you can bite my ass!
A double decker hover horse and cart pulls up beside them.
PRINCE CHARMING #2: Um, excuse me? I’m trying to find the young lady who fits into this shoe.
He shows them a small glass slipper. LEELA shuffles her large feet consciously.
BENDER: No, but I’ll take it anyway.
PRINCE CHARMING #2: Nice try. But no.
LEELA: But we could use a ride back to our ship?
FRY: Yeah! C’mon Leela, let’s ride up top.
LEELA allows FRY to put his arm around her and they snuggle as BENDER is playing his banjo again and they ride into the sunset.
feedback mucho loved and appreciated! Any spelling/grammer mistakes or mistakes in general, tell me ><