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PEEL - The Futurama Message Board    Melllvar's Erotic Friend Fiction    Well, It's my first Fanfic. Feel free to help with it. « previous next »
Author Topic: Well, It's my first Fanfic. Feel free to help with it.  (Read 971 times)
Pages: 1 [2] Print
jle1993

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #40 on: 09-04-2006 15:30 »
« Last Edit on: 09-09-2006 00:00 »

Yay he love us and he's updating soon, yaaaay, We love you too FL *swoons and then faints**Wakes up and does a TOTPD Dance*
KitKatBar-Fry

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #41 on: 09-04-2006 22:28 »

Wel, I just opened up my art thread. Link me there. I will be proud to be your sort-of beta.  tongue
Anyways, I'd like to see some more cameos. Keep up the great work!
Futurama Llama

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #42 on: 09-05-2006 19:25 »

Hokey-dokey.
Here's something fun: A sentence of Shawn's. This is the first of many genius moments.

“Hey, Dad… I think that mom might have run into some kind of electrical storm. If the communications system in your wedding rings would fail at any sign of strong electrical currents and if it is like any other low-grade communication system, then a simple electro-magnetic pulse would destroy it. An electrical storm in space sends out thousands of EMPs a second.”
KitKatBar-Fry

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #43 on: 09-05-2006 20:21 »

Interesting stuff, llama. So many big words....I don't get it really. Smart-ass kid...he's pending for a bending! tongue
Anywho, I updated my art thread with everything you need to know to link me. Unfortunately, it means I will have to loo at your stories AFTER you post 'em here. No worries, though. I will try to help you along as best I kind despite the limitations.  smile
Futurama Llama

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #44 on: 09-05-2006 20:36 »
« Last Edit on: 09-07-2006 00:00 »

I'll just post part 2 now, then run part 3 through you, KitKat. I really l--like that you are my beta!

"Shawn: Fry's Prodigy" Part 2-
Shawn sat on the couch, watching a TV show with his dad. Shawn looked at his father. “Hey, dad?” His dad broke the staring contest he was having with the TV to look at his son. “Yeah? What is it, Shawn?” Shawn frowned as he spoke. “When you were sleeping earlier, the news came on. There are these criminals on Acrosos 2 who have started this crime syndicate.” His father looked at him wide-eyed. Shawn took that as his father was speechless about the news. “Interesting, huh, dad?” Shawn asked. His father nodded. “Shawn, I’m even more amazed that you said ‘syndicate’ at age seven. It took me thirty-four years to learn that word!” Shawn smiled, and responded, “Dad, you are thirty-four!” His father laughed. “Yeah, I know, I just learned that word now!” Shawn frowned again at the disturbing news that had come through the TV. “I know my mom is a mutant,” Shawn thought, his brow furrowed, “So she could be in danger.” His father saw his furrowed brow. “Hey, is something wrong?” Shawn looked at him in all seriousness and replied: “I was just thinking… That crime syndicate. They are looking for a one-eyed mutant from the sewers.” His father gasped, wide-eyed. “Could they be looking for Leela—I mean, your mom?” Shawn looked at him again. “They just might be, dad. I’m scared for mom.” His father nodded, and said, “I need to protect my wife. If she…ever…well…,” Shawn continued the sentence for him. “Dies?” His father nodded again, tears in his eyes. “I couldn’t go on if my Leela died. Of course, I’d stay here for you, Shawn.” Shawn smiled. “Thanks, dad! I really appreciate that.” His father smiled. “So, let’s wait for Lee— your mom, sorry, to get back from O’ Zorgnax’s. Hey, should we watch some Futurama?”

“THIS is my vehicle?” Leela asked, infuriated. Hermes nodded wisely. “Yes. This is de Scooty-Puff Sr. I don’t know where dis thing came frum, but it sure looks cool!”  Leela glared at Hermes. “All right, Mr. Bureaucrat. I’m gonna give you ‘till the count of three to be out of my sight. One…Twooo…” Hermes bolted out of the hangar faster than a space cheetah. Leela turned and fixed the exceedingly large box to the Scooty-Puff Sr., grumbling all the while. After a few minutes, the box was secured onto the SC Sr. and Leela hopped inside. She bent down and pressed several buttons. The small ship began to lift off of the hangar floor. Leela pressed a few more buttons and pushed a lever forward. The ship rose out of the hangar and shot out into space. “Now, I just need to reconfigure the coordinates generator, switch power from the third and fourth missiles to the frontal laser carbines, then set the shields at maximum yarnel, save power in the engines for the jump to lightspeed, then take a short nap.” Leela did these things as she said them. The SC Sr. made the jump to lightspeed. The stars seemed to stretch out for a moment, and then they were just blurs zipping by the ship. Leela sighed and settled back into the cockpit seat. She looked down at her wedding ring, a beautiful gold band, and sighed again. “Oh Fry. I miss you already. I love you, Fry, and I miss you very much. I love you too, Shawn.” As if by magic, a crackling sound came from her ring. A voice started speaking. It was Fry. “I miss you too, Leela. I wish you were here. Shawn and I are having a great time. But we must warn you… There is something fishy going on. There’s a crime syndicate on Ac—“ The ring crackled and fizzed out. “Fry? Fry?? Are you there? Can’t the Professor make something that works well??” Leela looked through the cockpit window. She had come out of hyperspace already, and there was a massive electrical storm ahead. “Hold on to your boots!!” Leela said as she plunged the SC Sr. into the depths of the storm.

Fry sat on the couch, concerned for his wife. It had been two hours since he lost contact with her. “Where is she?” He wondered. Shawn looked up at him in concern. “Hey, Dad… I think that mom might have run into some kind of electrical storm. If the communications system in your wedding rings would fail at any sign of strong electrical currents and if it is like any other low-grade communication system, then a simple electro-magnetic pulse would destroy it. An electrical storm in space sends out thousands of EMPs a second.” Fry looked at his son, dumbfounded. “How are you so smart, Shawn? I’m an idiot, and your mom is smart, but she’s no super-genius.” Fry watched as Shawn shook his head vigorously. “No, no, no, Dad, you are missing the point! I think mom went into space!” Fry nodded, and responded, with his brow furrowed, “Let’s go talk to the Professor. I’m sure he has the answers, if he even remembers who we are.” Fry and Shawn stepped out onto their lawn and hailed a taxi. As they settled into the taxi, the taxi driver turned to talk to them. “So, wherez itz gonna beez, folkzez?” Fry replied, “Planet Express, sir.” The taxi flew a half-block and then stopped. “Heerz you arezez. That’ll beez twentyz dollars.” Shawn handed the taxi driver twenty dollars and hopped out. Fry followed, and they went inside the PE building. Zoidberg scuttled up to them. “Hello, friend Fry and his larva Shawn.” Shawn smiled, and replied, “Hey Zoidberg. Seen the Professor around?” Zoidberg pondered for a moment then pointed at the Angry Dome with a claw. “I’m almost positive he’s in there. Now, may I have some scraps? Please?” Just then, Bender came in through the hangar door. “Hey, meatbag!” He said to Fry, and then he turned to Shawn. “Hey, mini-meatbag!” Fry smiled. “Shawn does look exactly like me when I was seven!” He thought. “Hey, Bender. Have you seen Leela?” Fry inquired. “Yeah…I saw her earlier, taking off in a ship called the ‘Scooty-Puff Sr.’…” Fry nodded, trying to keep the smile off of his face. Shawn fired another question at Bender. “So, do you have any idea where she was going?” Bender shook his head. “No. You should ask the old coot. Now, all of this information I have given you will cost you.” Fry turned to Shawn. “Shawn, NOW!” Shawn whipped a magnet out of his pocket and threw it at Bender’s head. Bender’s eyes fizzed out and his vocabulator garbled for a moment, then he broke out singing a folk song. “Shawn cracked corn and I don’t care… Zoidberg cracked corn and I still don’t care…” Just then, the Professor shuffled into the room.  He noticed Fry. “Fry? What are you doing here?” Fry looked at him for a moment and responded. “I’m looking for Leela. Have you seen her?” The Professor nodded. “Oh my, yes. I just sent her off on a delivery on Acrosos 2.”
Futurama Llama

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #45 on: 09-05-2006 20:51 »

Sorry for double posting, but i just couldn't help that...

I AM A STARSHIP CAPTAIN!!!

I name my ship "The Golden Llama"
KitKatBar-Fry

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #46 on: 09-05-2006 20:58 »
« Last Edit on: 09-05-2006 20:58 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Futurama Llama:
 The small ship began to lift off of the hangar floor. Leela pressed a few more buttons pushed a lever forward.

As your Beta, I am here to do some Beta-ing. I believe there should be an 'and' between buttons and pushed. Hurray! I helped! Oh, and llama, congrads on your rise to Starship Captain. Good job. I still have about 200 more posts to reack proffesor myself...  roll eyes Anyways, I really want to see where this is heading!
EDIT: Yay! I updated my art thread! Come have a looksie-and link me.
jle1993

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #47 on: 09-06-2006 12:29 »

OH MY GOD, you sent Leela to the planet of the crime syndicut. If that wasn't so good I'd say it's evil. I love the way the story is going, What are Fry and Shawn going to do? Is Leela gonna be safe? I can't bare the supense *faints*

*wakes up* Oh my. By the way, I love the way Fry and Shawn tricked Bender, so funny I fell out of my seat laughing.

Your story just gets better and better, I'll never get to you standard of writing *sighs* But I will keep trying.
You just keep writing and I'll keep reading.

From your No.1 Fan jle1993
Futurama Llama

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #48 on: 09-06-2006 17:09 »

Whoo! Thanks for poining that out, KitKat. I love you as my beta. Hooray!

Well thankee, jle. i was hoping for that general reaction from my audience. (and my audience seems to be only two users  cry )
Xanfor

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #49 on: 09-06-2006 18:02 »
« Last Edit on: 09-06-2006 18:02 »

Wow. You really put the 'Llama' in 'Futurama'. Hee hee hee...

I have only one suggestion. Have you thought of styling your paragraphs like this:

 
Quote
(Xanfor's Little Five-Minute Story)
(written by Intendant Commander Xanfor)

-----------------------------------------------------------


Fry paced nervously back and forth. Where is he? he thought.

Suddenly, the professor ran in. “Sorry, sorry I'm late!” he exclaimed.

“Hurry up!” said Fry hurriedly, “We have to get out of here!”

“I'm coming, I'm coming!”

Farnsworth and Fry vaulted across the conference room, down the ladder, across the hangar and into the ship. Fry had just taken the pilot's chair when they both heard... It.

It was coming.

Fry turned the key. Nothing happened.

“Come on, Fry!”

“It's not starting!”

He tried again. The sound was getting closer... Time was running out...

The door to the bridge opened.

“Hello friends!”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

The End

It's a little easier to read when all the dialogue isn't one big text block.

Plus, I just wanted to show off.   big grin   wink

Futurama Llama

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #50 on: 09-06-2006 19:02 »

Well, Xanfor, you show-off, I like that. It is much easier to read than my text-blocks.

Just so you all know, I kinda wrote "Shawn: Fry's Prodigy" to rid your minds of "The Return of Shawn". That story deserves the title "crap." I really didn't like it. But I like this new one. A lot.

And Xanfor, whaddya think of the new fic?
Xanfor

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #51 on: 09-06-2006 19:13 »
« Last Edit on: 09-06-2006 19:13 »

I like it. The introduction of the Scooty Puff Sr. was genius, and I loved the idea of communication with the wedding rings.

Incidentally, have you read my fics?

Futurama Llama

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #52 on: 09-07-2006 06:34 »

Yes sir, I have, and i really like "The One with the Evil Paralell Universe" a lot. Genius writing.
KitKatBar-Fry

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #53 on: 09-07-2006 18:37 »

Hey, llama? Just letting you know, I won't be here if you decide to post another piece of your fanfic on Friday. I won't be back till about Sunday eve or Monday morning, so I can't be your Beta till then. But I will be leaving a few pics on my art thread before I leave, so pop in, ok?  smile attaboy. Oh, but, don't let my absence stop you from posting. I am as desperate as everyone else here to read what's gonna happen. It sounds sooo cool!
Futurama Llama

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #54 on: 09-07-2006 20:38 »

Aw...
your absence shall hinder my slightly, but do not worry. I'm glad my story has you in suspense.
MY DESIGNS ARE WORKING PERFECTLY!  evil laugh
jle1993

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #55 on: 09-08-2006 16:58 »

The suspence is killing me *chokes and gasps for air* can't...hold on...much longer...*faints from lack of oxygen*
SpaceCase

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #56 on: 09-09-2006 06:04 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by jle1993:
The suspence is killing me *chokes and gasps for air* can't...hold on...much longer...*faints from lack of oxygen*
[*Nudges jle1993*]

Breathe, dear, breathe.

  wink
jle1993

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #57 on: 09-09-2006 06:10 »

*chokes then breathes deeply* Thanks SpaceCase, I needed that.
SpaceCase

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #58 on: 09-09-2006 06:38 »

No extra charge.

You want to be around to read the next installment, don't you?  wink
jle1993

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #59 on: 09-09-2006 09:20 »

Of course, I wouldn't miss it!  smile
Futurama Llama

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #60 on: 09-09-2006 13:44 »

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been rather busy. Expect part 3 sooner or later.
jle1993

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #61 on: 09-09-2006 16:47 »

YAY
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #62 on: 09-11-2006 02:24 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Xanfor:
I have only one suggestion. Have you thought of styling your paragraphs like this...

[Snake]It needs formatting, dude!  FORMATTING!  DUUUUDE![/S]
jle1993

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #63 on: 09-11-2006 16:06 »

Who cares, NEED MORE STORY, please *puppydog eyes*
KitKatBar-Fry

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #64 on: 09-11-2006 16:52 »

Weee, llama, just came back early, early this morning from my trip to your neck of the woods-USA. Went for a volley ball tourny in Pennsilvania.

Anyways, get cracking with your story. As your beta, I demand story.
Futurama Llama

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #65 on: 09-12-2006 21:58 »

I'm sorry y'all. School is being rather demanding, and I havent had much time. Here is a snippet of part 3 that should sedate you for a while.


   Fry clung onto the PE ship's steering wheel with all of his might. The ship was plunging down the crevasse at an alarming speed. Fry managed to gasp between rippling lips, "Shawn! Can you fix this thing?!?" Shawn was in the Brain Room, fiddling with some wires. He rubbed a blue and a red wire together. His father's shout surprised him, and he accidentally jammed the blue and red wires into the central coordanites system.   
KitKatBar-Fry

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #66 on: 09-12-2006 22:19 »

Cool! Llama, youre back! High school (or university, whatever you're in) sucks, don't it.  roll eyes
EEEEK! Sounds like a mighty big cliffhanger. I shall sit here and wait patiently while you update.
jle1993

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #67 on: 09-13-2006 13:31 »

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO ME. CLIFFY AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *gasps*
Futurama Llama

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #68 on: 09-20-2006 15:31 »

Sorry it's taken so long to update. High school has been incredibly demanding, and i haven't had the chance to write.

Hey, Professor KitKat!
(and btw, i joined like a day after you did, and we were crustacians together, i not so newbie compared to you.)
Tastes Like Fry

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #69 on: 09-20-2006 18:15 »

I wondered where you had dissapeared to. Good to know you haven't left us for dead.
Futurama Llama

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #70 on: 09-27-2006 19:46 »

Yeah...I'm sorry...I guess ill start a new thread when the story is done. Im real busy right now! I feel so terrible about it! I feel like I have abandoned you guys, and i've actually been consumed by guilt over it...
KitKatBar-Fry

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #71 on: 09-28-2006 22:06 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Futurama Llama:
Sorry it's taken so long to update. High school has been incredibly demanding, and i haven't had the chance to write.

Hey, Professor KitKat!
(and btw, i joined like a day after you did, and we were crustacians together, i not so newbie compared to you.)


Shucks, man, I understand. High school can really bite. I mean, c'mon, I have a crap load of work every night myself.

Haha. I got to professor first  ;)You were the first 'friend' I made on this site, and I'll love ya forever, dude. Rock on!
Anyways, glad to see you still have an interest in this writing stuff. I will still be more than happy to be your Beta. Just come pop in my art thread, and I'll zoom right over.  smile
WRITE!!!

jle1993

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #72 on: 10-21-2006 16:26 »

Where's llama gone, wheres the rest of the story? LLAMA COME BACK
Bendersucksfry

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #73 on: 10-23-2006 20:02 »

i drawin some pictures there nice
coldangel

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #74 on: 10-23-2006 21:53 »
« Last Edit on: 10-23-2006 21:53 by coldangel_1 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Bendersucksfry:
i drawin some pictures there nice


Yes, that's exactly the level of eloquence we'd expect from the owner of 'DUMBEST PET IN SHOW'.
jle1993

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #75 on: 10-29-2006 13:34 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Bendersucksfry:
i drawin some pictures there nice

What's that got to do with Llama coming back and writing more story?


This message was brought to you by the mistress, bow down and be grateful
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