Originally posted by Professor Zoidy:
Some constructive critiuqe from me: Leela doesn't strike me as one that's going to take in a kid from the sewers.I do know that one episode happened to have that almost happen, but it didn't. Perhaps you should also add in a little more detail? The sentences seemd a tad short for my taste...
Sorry. Other than that, Fry seems to be written decently. But why does he need a nickel up his ass when he has one up his nose?
Oh well, 10 cents is 10 cents... All my criticism aside, since this is your first writing ever, I'll slack off a little bit. I don't want you to stop writing...because the other PEELers might kick my ass...
I kid, I kid... But seriously. Keep doing what you're doing. Don't mind me saying, but perhaps change up the into a bit that's describing you?
Well, I think she wanted something to talk to. And Nibbler doesn't talk to her.... also I don't get what you said about the description.....look, this is my style of writang so don't slack it off. I got a 5A in my SATS!! (That's kinda like a A+)You upset me!!!
Edit: I'm bored, so I bring you my start to a Tale Of Two Santas beggining if they had 5 mins or so.
(A cosy scene by the scene by the fire. The Professor is rocking in his chair and Cubert is reading a book entitled "Insulting For Geniuses" )
Prof: Gather round children, and I'll tell you a story of the time Bender became Santa.
Cubert: But there only me here, and I don't want to hear this stupid story again!
Prof: Shut up and sit down, damn you!
(Cubert sighs and sits in front of the Prof.)
Prof: Now this story starts...
(Prof falls asleep. Cubert gets up and pokes him. He wakes up suddenly.)
Prof: Who the hell are you?
Cubert: I'm you're clone, Cubert? Remember?
Prof: I don't have a clone, espically a one called Cubert! Think you could trick me! Well I have a good memory!
(Prof taps head)
Prof: Ow! Now get out!
(Cubert walks to the door.)
Prof: Where the hell are you going Cubert? Get here now!
(The door rings and Cubert opens it to see Hermes throw Dwight into the room)
Hermes: Have to go. Professor, you're his legal guardian till I get back.
(Hermes runs away.)
Cubert: Hi Dwight. The Professor is telling us the Bender/Santa story.
Dwight: Not again!
Prof: Dwight! Cubert! When did you get here?
Cubert: It's easier to do what he says.
(The boys sit back in front of the Prof.)
Prof: Now as I was saying....
(Prof falls asleep.)
Dwight: Wanna watch TV?
(Prof wakes up and the boys groan.)
Prof:....It was a December morning.....
(Start of episode.)