Planet Express's Flying Circus!

[on:]

The purpose of this thread is to create a collaborative 'Monty Python's Flying Circus' spoof using 'Futurama' characters, created and supplemented to by anyone on this board who wishes to participate. How it works is this: One person, namely, me, will start by writing a whole scene, or part of a scene, 'Monty Python' style. (It doesn't need to be very long, but should have at least one punch line) Then, the next person to post should add on to the scene, or cut to a new one. And this will continue for as long as people are interested.
Note: For those of you not familiar with 'Monty Python's Flying Circus', just keep in mind that it doesn't need to have any plot whatsoever and doesn't even have to make sense, just be funny.

I considered putting this thread under 'General Disscussion', but it's more of a fiction than a discussion.

Before we begin, I'd just like to axe if anyone has any questions.

[Reply #1 on:]

Yes, I was wondering if things will be getting silly? Because if there's anything I won't have, it's things getting silly.

[Reply #2 on:]

What do you mean? It's not like we expect the Spanish Inquisition.

[Reply #3 on:]

 

Originally posted by Xanfor:
What do you mean? It's not like we expect the Spanish Inquisition.

No one expects the Spanish Inquisition! 

C'mon people! Don't tell me no one saw that coming! 
It's as obvious as the spots on Farnsworth's head!

Oh, never mind... 

[Reply #4 on:]

Aww, you're no fun anymore. 

[Reply #5 on:]

Come on, no laughs? Hm? If I mention I have a silly walk, will that make any difference? It goes step, step, step, fall down, step, step, step, fall down. Not funny? Oh well, seems I'm no fun anymore. Anyway, you're stuck with me. And as it seems that there's no more questions.... Here I go! Is it a stockbroker? Is it a quantity Surveyor? Is it a church warden? NO! It's Xansomebody!

(Fade in)
(Leela is sitting in the conference room, reading)
(The phone rings)
(She answers it)
Leela: Hello?
Caller: Would you like to buy a subscription to the 'New New York Times'?
Leela: Yes.
(She hangs up and continues reading)
(Phone rings again)
Leela: Hello?
Caller: *mutters*
Leela: Oh, yes, right, right.
(She walks up to the large viewscreen on the wall, and then turns to face the camera)
Leela: Good evening, everyone. On today's show, we start by talking about the art of the great Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern schplenden-schlitter crasscrenbon fried digger dingle dangle dongle dungle burstein von knacker thrasher apple banger horowitz ticolensic grander knotty spelltinkle grandli ch grumblemeyer spelterwasser kurstlich himbleeisen bahnwagen gutenabend bitte ein nurnburger bratwustle gernspurten mitz weimache luber hundsfut gumberaber shonedanker kalbsfleisc h mittler aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm.
(An abstract art appears on the screen)
Leela: And to talk about about it with us, we have Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern schplenden schlitter crasscrenbon fried digger dingle dangle dongle dungle burstein von knacker thrasher apple banger horowitz ticolensic grander knotty spelltinkle grandli ch grumblemeyer spelterwasser kurstlich himbleeisen bahnwagen gutenabend bitte ein nurnburger bratwustle gernspurten mitz weimache luber hundsfut gumberaber shonedanker kalbsfleisc h mittler aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm's Head!
(She gestures to the table beside her, which is empty)
Leela: Uh... Oh, I'm sorry, people, I've just been informed that Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern schplenden schlitter crasscrenbon fried digger dingle dangle dongle dungle burstein von knacker thrasher apple banger horowitz ticolensic grander knotty spelltinkle grandli ch grumblemeyer spelterwasser kurstlich himbleeisen bahnwagen gutenabend bitte ein nurnburger bratwustle gernspurten mitz weimache luber hundsfut gumberaber shonedanker kalbsfleisc h mittler aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm's Head will not be able to join us tonight. So instead we have... Vincent Van Gogh!
(She again gestures to the table beside her, which is still empty)
(The professor leans over and places Leonard Nimoy's Head on the table, dressed up a lá his one man play, 'Vincent')
(The screen changes to Vincent Van Gogh's 'Starry Night')
Leela: So... You're Vincent?
Nimoy: No, you see, that's a common miconception. I'm actually his brother, Theo Van Gogh.
Leela: Oh... So, what can you tell us about your brother's art, Theo?
Nimoy: Oh, I don't know too much about that.
Leela: Well, you see... You're supposed to be telling us about it.
Nimoy: Well, you've probably all seen my brother's works. However, you've probably not seen his family tree. I could tell you about that.
Leela: Well... Ok.
Nimoy: Well, see, we were the Van Goghs, and up the fanily line we have our cousin, Pleese Gogh, and his mother and Father, Stop 'n' Gogh and TellumTo Gogh. And then, to the left side of the tree, we have the nephews, Round 'nd Round We Gogh, and Ive Got Ta Gogh. And then over here...
Leela: Wait, you're not Van Gogh! You're Leonard Nimoy's Head!
Nimoy: Uh, no I'm not...
Leela: Yes you are!
(Suddenly, Fry walks into the scene)
Fry: Break it up, break it up!
(He glances up at the camera)
Fry: And now for something completely different.
(Cut to)

(Exterior shot, Planet Express dumpster)
(Zoidberg is digging through it)
(He looks up, annoyed)
Zoidberg: It's.

Planet Express's Flying Circus!
(Play the 'Liberty Bell March' and cut to title)
(Continue with the next sketch!)

[Reply #6 on:]

AND NOW . . . Above unoccupied (for 52 53 days) New New York 3004 inside the DOOP warship Nimbus

Cut to Zapp Brannigan's office, Brannigan is seated in his velour bed

Brannigan: Come in, what do you want?
Private Fry enters and salutes.
Fry: I'd like to leave the Earthican Army, please, sir.
Brannigan: Good heavens man, why?
Fry: It's dangerous. There are people with positron shooters out there, sir. Real guns, sir. Not toy ones, sir. Proper ones, sir. They've all got 'em. All of 'em, sir. And some of 'em have got hover tanks.
Brannigan: Fry, they are on our side.
Fry: And grenades, sir. And machine guns, sir. So I'd like to leave, sir, before I get killed, please.
Brannigan: Fry, you've only been in the army a day.
Fry: I know sir but people get killed, properly dead, sir, no like those FPS games on the internet, sir. A dude was telling me, if you're in the army and there's a war you have to go and fight.
Brannigan: That's true.
Fry: Well I mean, damn, I mean if it was a big war we would all be killed.
Brannigan: Who told you about our strategic plans? Our finely laid battle plans depend on the concept of taking ridicoulsy high casualties.
Fry: I asked them to put it on my form, sir - no killing.
Brannigan: Fry: are you a Neutral sympathiser?
Fry: No sir, I'm not a Neutral, sir. I'm a coward.
Brannigan: Same difference. Now go sit in the corner.
Fry: Yes sir.
Knock at the door, Kif  enters, and salutes, halfheartedly.
Kif: Two civilian gentlemen to see you ... (with a voice laced with contempt) sir!
Brannigan: Show them in please, Kif, then go prepare my bath ... and switch the blades in the razor this time for gods sake.
Kif: Mr Donbot and Mr Clamps.
The two robots  enter. They wear Mafia suits and dark glasses.
Donbot: Good morning, Captain Brannigan.
Brannigan: Good morning gentlemen. Now what can I do for you.
Clamps: (looking round office casually)You've ... you've got a nice spaceship here, captain.
Brannigan: Yes.
Clamps: We wouldn't want anything to happen to it.
Brannigan: What?
Donbot: No, what my associate means is it would be a shame if... (he knocks something off the bedtable)
Brannigan: Oh.
Donbot: Oh sorry, Captain.
Brannigan: Well don't worry about that. But please do sit down.
Clamps: No, we prefer to stand, thank you, Captain.
Brannigan: All right. All right. But what do you want?
Donbot: What do we want, ha ha ha.
Clamps: HA HA HA HA!!.
Donbot: The Captain's a joker, Clamps. How many hover tanks you got on this ship, Captain?
Brannigan: About five hundred altogether.
Clamps: Five hundred! Hey!
Donbot: You ought to be careful, Captain..
Brannigan: We are careful, extremely careful.
Donbot: 'Cos things break, don't they?
Brannigan: Break?
Clamps: Well everything breaks, don't it Captain. (he clamps something on desk) Oh dear.
Donbot: Oh see my associates's unstable Captain, and when he gets unhappy he clamps things. Like say, he don't feel the Earthican Army’s playing fair by him, he may start clamping things, Captain.
Brannigan: What is all this about?
Clamps: How many men you got here, Captain?
Brannigan: Oh, er ... seven thousand cannon fooder, six hundred artillery, and er, two divisions of Velour Ninjas.
Donbot: Velour, Clamps.
Clamps: Be a shame if someone was to set fire to them.
Brannigan: Set fire to them? Why, that would be sa-botage.
Clamps: Fires happen, Captain.
Donbot: Things burn.
Brannigan: Look, what is all this about?
Donbot: My associate and I have got a little proposition for you Captain.
Clamps: Could save you a lot of bother.
Donbot: I mean you're doing all right here aren't you, Captain.
Clamps: Well suppose some of your hover tanks was to get broken and Velour skirts started getting lost, er, fights started breaking out during bed inspection, like.
Donbot: It wouldn't be good for business would it, Captain?
Brannigan: Are you threatening me? Sexfully?
Donbot: Oh, no, no, no.
Clamps: Whatever made you think that, Captain?
Donbot: The Captain doesn't think we're nice people, Clamps.
Clamps: We're your buddies, Captain.
Donbot: We want to look after you.
Brannigan: Look after me?
Clamps: We can guarantee you that not a single DOOP warship will get done over for fifteen bucks a week.
Brannigan: No, no, no.
Clamps: Twelve.
Brannigan: No, no, no.
Clamps: Eight ... five bucks...
Brannigan: No, no this is confusing
Donbot: What's confusing?
Brannigan: No, the whole premise is confusing. You’re near all this precious velour and you don’t want to strip naked and roll around on it, so I'm stopping this meeting.
Donbot: You can't do that!
Brannigan: I've done it. The conference is over.
Fry: I want to leave the army please sir, it's dangerous.
Brannigan: Look, I stopped your filthy Neutral propaganda five minutes ago. So get out of here. Right Kif! Close up shop for today and let’s get on with my bath.
Kif sighs

[Reply #7 on:]

(Cut to)

(George Washington's Head)
George: Ha, ha, the small print and Eric Idle impressions really crackethed me up.
(Pan to the next head on the shelf, which is Michael Palin's)
Palin: What?
(Pan to the next head, Eric Idle's)
Idle: Go back, go back!
(Pan to the next head, John Cleese's)
Cleese: And now for something completely different.
(Pan to the next head, which is Disco Stu's)
Stu: This is my only line.
(Cut to next sketch)

[Reply #8 on:]

Hey, this looks fun...

Give me the weekend.

[Reply #9 on:]

Xanfor: You think this is fun(ny)? Wait until Katrina does her 'Dinsdale' impressions!
(He gets out of his chair and does a very silly walk out the door)
(Cut to)

[Reply #10 on:]

I'd like to see Bender as The Bishop! 

[Reply #11 on:]

(Interior shot, Pet Shop, Bender behind the counter)
(Farnsworth enters, carrying a parrot cage with a parrot on it's bottom)
Farnsworth: Excuse me, miss.
Bender: What do you mean, 'Miss'?
Farnsworth: Sorry, I, uh... I have a cold. I wish to register a complaint.
Bender: Sorry, we're closing for lunch.
Farnsworth: Never mind that, I wish to complain about this parrot.
Bender: Fine, fine, and why is that?
Farnsworth: I bought this parrot just a half an hour ago from this very boutique.
Bender: So? What's wrong with it?
Farnsworth: What's wrong with it? It's dead, that's what's wrong with it.
Bender: What? No it's not.
Farnsworth: Yes it is.
Bender: No it's not.
Farnsworth: Well, then why did it fall flat on it's back the moment I got it home?
Bender: Uh... It's resting.
Farnsworth: What? On it's back?
Bender: Yes, the Neptunian Blue prefers kipping on it's back.
Farnsworth: What? Look, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
Bender: It's resting!
Farnsworth: Fine. If it's resting, I'll wake it up. Wake up, Polly parrot! This is your five O'clock alarm call!
(Bender quickly reaches up and bangs the cage)
Bender: There, it moved!
Farnsworth: No it didn't, that was you banging the cage!
Bender: Me? Never!...
Farnsworth: Yes it was! This an outrage! This parrot is definitely deceased!
Bender: No! It's, uh... Sleeping.
Farnsworth: Listen here, you soup can, this parrot can't sleep, because it's dead!
Bender: No it isn't!
Farnsworth: Yes it is! This parrot is dead, defunct, bereft of life! This parrot is no longer extant or subsisting! It's expired, departed, and gone to meet it's maker! This is an ex-parrot!
Bender: No, you see, look, there, a Neptunian Blue, lovely plumage...
Farnsworth: I don't care about it's plumage, this parrot has bleeding demised! And not half an hour ago you assured me that it's lack of activity was due to it being extremely tired from a long and tediously exhausting squawk!
Bender: That's true!
Farnsworth: I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got home, and I found that the only reason it was still holding on to it's perch in the first place was due to the fact that it had been nailed there.
Bender: Well, that was to keep it from flying away, see?
Farnsworth: This parrot is dead, it wouldn't move now if you put fourteen gigavolts through it! And I know that for fact. This parrot wouldn't be flying away from anything, even if the thing in question was a mutant atomic superman created for the sole purpose of killing all parrots! This parrot has since forth winged it's way to the land where parrots are eternally blessed!
(He takes the dead parrot out of the cage and starts banging it on the table and yelling at it)
*BANG* *BANG*
Farnsworth: Here, Polly Polly Polly!
*BANG* *BANG*
(He holds it up to his mouth like a microphone)
Farnsworth: Testing, testing!
*BANG* *BANG*
Farnsworth: Polly want a cracker!?!
*BANG* *BANG*
(Farnsworth tosses the obviously dead parrot in the air, and it falls down to the floor)
Farnsworth: Now that's what I call a dead parrot.
(It just lies there)
Bender: Uh, it's, it's... Pining for the fjords! Neptunian Blues pine easily, you know.
Farnsworth: Pining for the fjords!? What kind of talk is that, man?
(He kicks the parrot)
Bender: You see, great bird of the galaxy there, the Neptunian Blue, lovely plumage...
Farnsworth: The plumage doesn't enter into it. It's dead!
(He leans over and picks up the parrot)
Bender: It's pining!
Farnsworth: It's not pining, it's passed on! This parrot is no more! It has ceased to be! It's a stiff! Bereaved by it's family, it rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed it to the perch it be pushing up the daisies and spontaneously combusting! It's metabolic processes are now history! It's off the twig! It's kicked the bucket, shuffled off it's mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible! This is a late parrot!
Bender: All right, all right! I admit it! It's dead! (Starts crying)
(Pause)
Bender: I can't help it. I'm scared, I'm terrified of parrots! Mom said the only way to conquer my fear was to become a pet shop owner.
(Bender sits down)
Bender: Can you understand that? Years and years of college training on the same plastic parrot? It was torture! I can only stand dead parrots, no living or plastic! And I never did want to hurt them, either. I never did, you understand?
(Farnsworth nods sadly)
Farnsworth(Reaching into his lab coat): Incidentally, there's also this dead turtle you sold me...
Bender: Ok, that one was an accident, I swear!
(He sighs)
Bender: I never wanted to do this in the first place. I-, I wanted to be... A Bender!
(Piano vamp)
(Bender jumps up)
Bender: A Bender! Twisting from bar to bar as I rob from the mighty secret military installations of the District of Columbia! The Rod! The Girder! The Ingot! The Sequoia! The MomCorp Un-Benda-Beam! With my best girlie by my side! We'd sing! Sing! Sing! Sing!
(Start musical sequence)

Bender(Singing): Oh, I'm a Bender, and I'm alright, I sleep all day and I loot all night.

CHORUS:
He's a Bender, and he's alright,
he sleeps all day and he loots all night.

Bender(Singing): I twist back bars, I loot and rob, from places like laboratories. On Wednesdays I go shoppin', and have silicones for tea!

CHORUS:
He twists back bars, he loot's and robs,
from places like laboratories.
On Wednesdays he goes shoppin',
and has silicones for tea.
He's a Bender, and he's alright,
he sleeps all day and he loots all night.

Bender(Singing): I twist back bars, I jump and skip, I like to bend unbendable rods. I stole twelve pounds of gems from the White House, and know their brand of sod!

CHORUS:
He twists back bars, he jumps and skips,
he likes to bend unbendable rods.
He stole twelve pounds of gems from the White House,
and knows their brand of sod!
He's a Bender, and he's alright,
he sleeps all day and he loots all night.

Bender(Singing): I twist quite a lot, stop I do not, and quit? I'd say never. But when it come to selling dead parrots, my answer's not going to be 'Whatever'!

CHORUS:
He twists quite a lot, stop he does not,
and quit? He says never.
But when it comes to selling dead parrots,
his answer's not going to be 'Whatever'! (Anymore)
He's a Bender, and he's alright,
he sleeps all day and he loots all night!

(End music)

Farnsworth(Shaking his head): God help you should you ever become a Bishop...
Bender: A Bishop, hmm?
(Cut to)

[Reply #12 on:]

...Fry, Leela, Bender, Amy and Kif drinking together. Zapp Brannigan is stretched out on the floor beside an empty bottle of champagin.  Suddenly the our conscious heroes rise, face the audience and raise their glasses as they start to sing:

Oh, Tom Corbett was a Sloshed Cadet
Who was very rarely sober,
Buck Rogers knew where to find good brew
At the Beer Fests in October;
Flash Gordon’s daft for a good dark draft
He's been smashed for half a year;
Han Solo’s hot, but a worthless sot
Who would sell his soul for beer!

I cannot think of any drink
John Crighton  hasn’t sniffed...
James T. Kirk himself was permanently squiffed...

Jean-Luc Picard drinks a cubic yard
Of Earl Grey spiked with cider hard!
The good Janeway can put it away
A quart of Frangelica every day!
Oh, Sisko, Sisko on leave in 'Frisco
Drained an entire bar!
And Archer thunk he was deep when drunk,
“I drink, therefore I are!”

Yes, James T. Kirk himself is not particularly swift;
A fairly decent Captain, but a doofus when he’s squiffed!

[Reply #13 on:]

SACRILEDGE!

Thou shalt not speak evil of James Kirk!

(I like Shiny's the best - she got every Trek captain...)

[Reply #14 on:]

ooh great skits I like this thread, but nothing about bender being a crossdresser?

[Reply #15 on:]

And that was something completely different.

[Reply #16 on:]

[Cleese voice]

No it wasn't.

[/cleese]

(Cause non-sequiturs NEVER happen in Python....  )

[Reply #17 on:]

(A knight in a suit of armor walks around the corner and bashes Shiny with a boneless rubber chicken)

[Reply #18 on:]

(Shiny shoots the knight with a Klingon disruptor, making it vanish entirely.

The rubber chicken falls to the floor...then, after a beat, it raises its headless neck, "looks" at where the knight was standing, squawks through some unknown magical process peculiar to rubber chickens that lack anything like vocal cords, then gets up and runs around and around and around like a....well, you know.

Shiny folds her arms, disruptor in hand, and glares at the camera. ) 

Shiny: Oh, calm down.  The knight was NEVER funny.

(Shiny walks off, tossing the disruptor from hand to hand like a bean-bag, whistling "The Universe Song." )

CUT to....

[Reply #19 on:]

(Shiny makes "time out" gesture. )

We interrupt this thread for an emergency double-post.

Actually, I did want to explain why I ignored your "Bishop" prompt and posted another filk instead of riffing from there...see, your filk inspired me to filk "The Philosopher's Song," which I've kinda been wanting to do for years anyway, and when I was done I was so proud of it I couldn't wait for a better point in the thread to post it, so I just went ahead and did it.

Yes, I occasionally get intoxicated on my own cleverness...sorry. <sheepish grin>

Kindly resume this regularly scheduled thread.

[Reply #20 on:]

A flying Circus that would make a festive episode on Futurama Amy could be the star attraction,Fry the cannon boy,Lelea a freak show girl,Bender(cannon),Prof(Ringmaster)

[Reply #21 on:]

Xanfor: Actually, that Bishop prompt was for KurtPikachu2001. But I accept your-
(A 16-ton weight falls on Shiny)
(Silence)
(Xanfor turns to the camera)
Xanfor: None of you saw anything.
(Xanfor sneaks away)

[Reply #22 on:]

Shiny:  It's just a flesh wound!

[Reply #23 on:]

Xanfor: Stand back, I have fresh fruit and a license to use it!

[Reply #24 on:]

Shiny: What about a pointed stick?


(Please someone do some Futurama riffing, or we'll keep this up for WAAAAAY to long... )

[Reply #25 on:]

Can you two please stop flirting?

(Cut to Bender at desk.)

Bender: (shuffles papers) And now for something completely different.

(Puts feet on desk, rolls up papers, lights the end, smokes)

Bender: Mmmmmmm, different.

(giant foot crushes bender and desk)

(cut to)

[Reply #26 on:]

(Kryten walks on the set)
Kryten: Here, here, stop the sketch, stop it! I think this is getting far to silly!
Bender(Off screen): Different! Different!
Kryten: What?
(A giant Bending Unit's foot crushes Kryten)
(Silence)
Fry(Off screen): Oh my God! You-... You killed Kryten!
Farnsworth(Off screen): You bastard!
(Cut to)

[Reply #27 on:]

[Bursts onto screen, dressed as a Catholic Bishop]
NO-ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH-
[Scene abruptly cuts-]
Oh bugger...
[to...]

[Reply #28 on:]

[Gumby (guy with hat made from handkerchief with knots tied in the corners - in this case, a Groening-style John Cleese with CARTOON handkerchief hat)stands the empty hangar of Planet Express, addressing the audience in the trademark deep, drawn-out, half-shouting voice]

Oi think...that telefision...is getting too violent!

[a pause.  Then the PE ship lands, squashing him with the same sound effect as the giant foot uses]

Bender (offscreen): Neat! (flash bulb goes off)

[Reply #29 on:]

(Cut to)
(A shot of Farnsworth staring of into space)
Narrator: And now a notice about watching a lot of TV.
(Silence)
Narrator: Watch a lot of TV.
(Cut to)

[Reply #30 on:]

And now for something completely different....

Number Forty Two...
The Bot....

[Reply #31 on:]

(Cut to)
(Shot of Hermes)
Hermes: I've had it up to here with different, mon! Do something ordinary!
(Explosion in the background)
Fry: Wasn't me!
Hermes: There we go...

[Reply #32 on:]

I'm the main attraction also since my rich parents are funding this circus 

[Reply #33 on:]

And you are outta here!

[Reply #34 on:]

*BUMP*

Well, what did you expect? The Spanish Inquisition?

(This post has been terminated)

(Pause)

Xanfor would like to apologize for the next post.

[Reply #35 on:]

Xanfor would like to apologize for the constant repetitions in this thread.

[Reply #36 on:]

Xanfor would like to apologize for the constant repetitions in this thread.

[Reply #37 on:]

Sal comes across with a truck, plowing the text "Xanfor would like to apologize for the constant repetitions in this thread," to the side.  (Note:  This bit is a filler cartoon)  Sal drives toward the TV screen, and a crack is made.

"Woahs, Gezes.  I's gots to moves this load to's the dumps."

After a few bangs on the glass, the truck comes out in Hattie's (the old landlady)apartment.  She presses a button on a remote she suddenly whips out, blowing up the small car and repairing the TV screen.

A ring comes at the door.  She opens it to find a travelling salesman, Horrible Gelatonous Blob.

"Ma'm, I couldn't help but notice the poor resolution on your televsion set."

"Of course it's poor, my cat scratched out the insides."

"Well, what if I told you I have a way to give you a better resolution without paying for a new TV?"

"How much is it?"

"About 1/2 the price of a new TV..."

"Which is..."

"Which is..quite a bargain for you and your sweet smelling kitty."

"I already hate my set; it's pointy on the edges and covers my wall."

*Shifts to outside where a line of salesmen at Hattie's door, waiting to sell her things*

*Cut to scene down the street*

[Reply #38 on:]

Fry and Leela walk into a dingy restaurant.  Fry is wearing a brown suit and tie, while Leela is clad in a purple sequined dress that matches her hair.  Behind the counter, the Unshaven Rude Guy is applying liberal amounts of oil to a sizzling griddle.

FRY: I had my heart set on taking you to the Palm d'Orbit, but you know it'd cost me a month's salary just to tip the valet.

LEELA: That's okay, Fry.  It's the thought that counts.

FRY (sitting down at a table): I think you'll like this place.  It has a nice, homey atmosphere.

RUDE GUY: What'd ya calls me?

FRY: Who are you?

RUDE GUY (walking up to Fry and Leela): I runs this place.  What'll ya haves?

LEELA: What's on the menu?

RUDE GUY: I'll tells ya what's on the menu.  We gots spam, baked beans and spam, scrambled eggs and spam, spam and wild rice, garlic potatoes and spam, spam lo mein and spam, spam a la mode...

LEELA: Wait just a minute.  Do you have anything without spam?

RUDE GUY: We gots nachos with spam.  No, that's got spam in it.

LEELA: I don't like spam.

FRY (horrified): You don't like spam?  Oh, my God!  Why did I invite you to the Chez Spam?

BENDER, FARNSWORTH, HERMES, and ZOIDBERG (singing): Spam, spam, spam, spam, wonderful spam...

[Reply #39 on:]

The Knights Who Say NI! approve of this thread.