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PEEL - The Futurama Message Board    Melllvar's Erotic Friend Fiction    This probably isn't good... « previous next »
Author Topic: This probably isn't good...  (Read 405 times)
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iamfry

Bending Unit
***
« on: 03-27-2006 16:42 »

Okay, this is my first attempt at a Futurama stroy. I hope you like it. But if you don't feel free to tell me so. I don't mind if you nitpick either...
TriggerHappyJim

Professor
*
« Reply #1 on: 03-27-2006 16:49 »

Well, I can't read it if it isn't here.
iamfry

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #2 on: 03-27-2006 17:19 »
« Last Edit on: 03-27-2006 17:19 »

Darkness. Falling through darkness. Hearing Leela's screams. Reaching out for her. Still falling. Then, total darkness.

It was 25th of February, 3000 when Phillip.J.Fry awoke with a start. It was early morning and Fry, shortened because it's easier, sat up and wiped his brow. He'd had the dream again. It started off with him and Leela dancing on a Nebula. A black hole appears and sucks them both in. Down into darkness. Then he wakes up.

From the sounds of Bender's mumblings of "Wanna kill all humans?" He was still asleep. Fry stood up and looked around his nearly empty room for his clothes. He managed to find them and groggily pulled them on, somehow managing to trip over the coffee table. Once he'd put his trainers on he checked Bender's cupboard to make sure he was asleep. Bender was gone. Must have gone out robbing. Fry thought.

He slipped out of the Robot Arms Apt. Building and tried to remember the way to Planet Express. After standing on the kerb for a full 5 minutes he finally remebered and set off in the direction he thought Planet Express was. He made a total of 7 wrong turns before arriving at Planet Express to find Amy outside, taking out the trash.

"Hey Amy." He said, opening the door to Planet Express a little. "Hi Fry. Leela needs to talk to you inside. Something about a delivery." She replied. Fry nodded and stepped inside Planet Express. There was a slight smell of burning rubber in the air. Fry sniffed deeply. "Mmmm." He said, sniffing again. It wasn't good for him but who cared?

Turunga Leela was waiting for Fry in the Planet Express ship. Nibbler was sitting by her heels, scratching himself with his leg. Leela was holding a clipboard that had Fry's delivery details on it. She looked up as the door slid open and Fry sauntered in. "You're late." She said, looking back down at her clipboard. "Yeah, I got lost." He replied. "Make sure it doesn't happen again." Fry snorted. Like that was going to happen.

@Trigger Happy Jim: Sorry if it takes me a while. I'm a bit tired. Don't worry I will keep you up to date
TriggerHappyJim

Professor
*
« Reply #3 on: 03-27-2006 17:41 »

Nice! I liked it.

One thing:
 
Quote
It was early morning and Fry, shortened because it's easier,

A tad confusing. I guess you mean his name, but it could do with some re-wording.
iamfry

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #4 on: 03-27-2006 17:53 »

Fry sat down in Leela's captain chair, getting comfortable. "Now Fry, I asked you here because you're not charging the customers. Why?" Leela asked, looking up from her clipboard. Fry shrugged his shoulders. "I dunno." He replied. "Fry, you did remember to ask the customers for money didn't you?" She asked, a look of curiosity in her eye. "I knew I was forgetting something!" Leela groaned.

Fry stood up. Leela had finally finished quizzing him. "Hey, have you seen Bender?" He asked Leela, cocking his head to the side, Leela put her clipboard on the Planet Express dashboard. "He's out robbing some museum. Now if you'll excuse me, some idiot pressed the emergency engine stop switch so I have to recallibrate the engines." She replied, waving a hand at Fry meaning he could go. Fry laughed quietly and left the ship.

Bender pulled his swag bag over his shoulder, whistling as he left the museum by the side exit. He was pleased with what he had robbed from the musuem. It was a personal record. He celebrated by stopped in O'Zorgnaxs for some good old alcohol. He burped and set fire to the bar. Grabbing his swag bag he ran out and headed for Planet Express.

Fry was walking down the street, his hands shoved in his pocket when he saw Bender run past him. "Hey, Bender." He said, turning as he ran past. "I guess you don't wanna go for a drink then?" He said to himself,walking to O'Zorgnax where Bender had just been. He could smell smoke from the bar but thought nothing of it.

"Slurm please." He said, sitting down at the bar. He took the Slurm off the bartender and gulped it down. "Another." He said, taking it off the bartender and gulping it down. After he'd had a few(meaning 7) Slurms he left the pub for Planet Express.

iamfry

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #5 on: 03-27-2006 17:56 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by TriggerHappyJim:
Nice! I liked it.

One thing:
 A tad confusing. I guess you mean his name, but it could do with some re-wording.

It sorta means people called him Fry because it's easier to say.
TriggerHappyJim

Professor
*
« Reply #6 on: 03-27-2006 18:04 »

That's what I thought:

 
Quote
but it could do with some re-wording.
Benders_Fan

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #7 on: 03-27-2006 20:01 »

It's pretty good.
KurtPikachu2001

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #8 on: 03-27-2006 20:20 »

It's a fairly good story. 
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #9 on: 03-28-2006 01:53 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by iamfry:
It was 25th of February, 3000

This takes place only 2 months after Fry was unfrozen? Plus you mention Nibbler who if i remember correctly wasn't found by Leela till mid April.
Fry1077

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #10 on: 03-28-2006 02:17 »

pretty good iamfry, way better than anything I can write
iamfry

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #11 on: 03-29-2006 17:54 »

Thanks everyone! And thank you nitpickers! It gives me the push I need to keep writing though my mind is blank at the moment...
Professor Zoidy

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #12 on: 04-08-2006 22:28 »

Hey, how come you guys never nitpicked my fanifc?

@ iamfry: Nice little story you got going there.
iamfry

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #13 on: 04-12-2006 12:26 »

Thankies!
Professor Zoidy

Urban Legend
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« Reply #14 on: 04-12-2006 16:50 »

Much welcome. As a writer myself, I tend to add longer sentences, but you do a fine job anyways. No nagging from me, will you hear, unless it's something major.
Amy101001

Delivery Boy
**
« Reply #15 on: 04-16-2006 00:37 »
« Last Edit on: 04-16-2006 00:37 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by TriggerHappyJim:
Well, I can't read it if it isn't here.


Heh heh heh......


------------------
<----<<< An arrow through my heart >>>---->
Amy101001

Delivery Boy
**
« Reply #16 on: 04-16-2006 00:39 »
« Last Edit on: 04-16-2006 00:39 »

1. What the hell is a nit picker?
2. Why aren't you reading MY Fan Fic &
3. Venus has some good points.....

EDIT: good story though
agent69

Bending Unit
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« Reply #17 on: 04-16-2006 08:16 »

1: someone who is picky.
2: Beacause we are the only two talking there and
3: Your Both right (Amy101001 and Venus).
Kagome

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #18 on: 04-27-2006 08:33 »

Back in 1999,our new young hero(Cloud was getting ready to test out his time machine) when all of a sudden out of no where a gaint wormhole opened up and swallowed him up sending him into the year 2999.
Cloud:where am I? I don't remeber anything most important where is here.
Leela:Oh hello welcome to NNYC the year is 2999.
Cloud:1999! i must have been shot 1000 years into the future oh man that's crazy.
Leela:Ok then well anyways I need to give you a job chip this will determain you're job for the rest of you're life.
Cloud:yeah very funny miss look i'm a mercenary i don't need no stinking chip in me plus do i look like a robot to you?
Leela:hmm good argument i guess you have a point there.Ok then you're free to go get employment the hard way then.
Cloud:thanks i apprecate it.

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