smiley was randomly produced and an accident. sorry bout that. bear in mind that this was my first attempt at this kind of thing!
here is Mookie427's work. this is also his first piece so go easy. he has another that i'll post later:
ZOIDBERG AND LEELAS BIG ADVENTURE
Title caption: ‘Now available in extra large or diet’
T.V Screen: Foghorn Leghorn
Ext. Hermes’ office. He is obviously angry. We hear raised voices from the inside.
HERMES: ……WHAT! Now you tell me that consignment of genetically mutated apes to Omicron Persei 8 has mysteriously disappeared?!? You are lucky I haven’t fired you yet, you useless tin can! (He pauses) You’re fired!
ROBOT 1-X: But sir, Bender- (He is cut off)
HERMES: I don’t care if Bender has got them coming out of his various body cavities, (Dr. Zoidberg takes a seat outside the office) or if Leela used them for today’s lunch, there is no excuse for incompetence in this business. I’ll see you soon for a meeting on how to do your job PROPERLY, and then maybe…I’ll rehire you.
We hear a crash, as robot 1-X goes flying through the glass in the door.
BENDER: (Taking a seat next to Zoidberg) giggling He finally got what was coming to him. (An ape opens his chest a fraction, peeks out, opens it fully, runs along the floor and is promptly eaten by Nibbler. Nibbler burps, satisfied.)
HERMES: (peering through smashed glass) Zoidberg, do come in.
Zoidberg enters. Int. office. There are various calculating machines on the desk, a ship in a bottle on a stand, and a pin-up calendar on the wall. On the floor is a mat, written on it ‘Grovel here and I won’t fire ya’
HERMES: Zoidberg, I have some good, and bad news for you. Which do you wanna hear first?
ZOIDBERG: The good news, I think.
HERMES: (leaning back in his chair) The good news is, I’m not going to fire you. The bad news is that to my astonishment, you don’t even have a medical degree! I’m afraid that without that, you cannot be our doctor anymore, so I suggest you get your shiny lobster ass into medical school pronto, or it’ll be lobster thermidor by dinner!
Zoidberg picks up the ship in a bottle
ZOIDBERG: Hermes, you are clever, how to they get it in there?
HERMES: I don’t know, and I certainly do not care.
ZOIDBERG: Lemme see if I can…oops! (His claw breaks the bottle in half, and the ship smashes on the floor)
HERMES: ZOIDBERG! You stupid lobster! (He unhooks a flyswatter from the wall)
Hermes chases Zoidberg out of the office, hitting him with the flyswatter. Zoidberg woops as he scuttles away
Int. Planet Express meeting room. Professor Farnsworth walks in, clipboard in hand. All except Zoidberg are seated at the table.
FARNSWORTH: Good news, everybody! Zoidberg has gone!
ALL EXCEPT SCRUFFY: Yay!!!!!! (Fry and Leela high-five)
AMY: Scruffy, aren’t you going to cheer? (Scruffy is sitting in chair, feet on desk, magazine in hand)
SCRUFFY: Scruffy did cheer once; it was when I still had my left foot. (Scruffy turns a page in his magazine, titled ‘Explicitly For All’. His left foot then falls off, but he doesn’t notice) Yep, sure was a good foot.
FARNSWORTH: Eh?………..Oh! That wasn’t the good news! Good news everybody…again?
There is a lengthy pause.
AMY: Aren’t you going to say something?
BENDER: He’s frozen! Shall I hit him?
HERMES: Nah, hit him later. When he’s asleep. Yes…hit him…asleep
FARNSWORTH: (Coming out of his daze)……Eh? I just noticed Zoidberg was missing. Anyway, after the recent ape fiasco, I am demoting all of you to trainee delivery people. Therefore, your first assignment will be to deliver this dangerous sticky mass of tar to some dangerous space mutants on Nova Perinon 12. They need it to keep the cave monsters happy.
LEELA: Trainees? Aww phooey!
FRY: Hey, Farnsworth, while Zoidberg has gone, who will, you know, do that thing to you, you know, when you are ill?
FARNSWORTH: Doctor you?
FRY: Doctor who?
FARNSWORTH: No, doctor YOU.
FRY: Oh, that one.
FARNSWORTH: That is up to you, my friend…now off you all skip to Nova Perinon 12.
The crew get up and walk out towards the ship.
Ext. Job Centre. Sign outside reads ‘Making you job so simple, no one cares of the consequences’. Zoidberg walks up to the door.
ZOIDBERG: Goodbye, freedom. (He scuttles inside)
Int. Job Centre reception area.
RECEPTIONIST: Hello, which course would you like to enrol in?
ZOIDBERG: (Hesitating) Err…..Do you have a, you know, medical course?
RECEPTIONIST: (Blowing bubblegum bubble) Yeah, sure, medical experiments, second door on left.
ZOIDBERG: (Realising what she has said) YOU! I am NOT an experiment! I want to learn medicine! I’ll kill you! (He runs at her, claws snapping wildly)
RECEPTIONIST: (Still blowing ever-increasing bubble) Whatever, second door on left.
We see Zoidberg walking down the hallway. There are doors marked ‘Alien translations for dummies’, ‘ business management’, and, next to the door marked ‘medical knowledge for beginners- ages 1-101’, there is a door marked ‘how to woo a woman: see inside’
ZAPP: (From inside room) Look, baby, please OWW!….Stop….hitting me…..we can OWW! Work something out…
ZOIDBERG: Tut, tut, tut. Aah! Here we are! (He knocks on the door)
TEACHER: Do come in, and take a seat.
ZOIDBERG: (Scuttles to seat) So, when do we get started? With the learning, and the dissections (he licks his lips) Mmhmm! Gotta love dissections.
TEACHER: Zoidberg! There is to be no eating of organs of any kind!
TEACHER: Now, we are going to get started on…
Int. Planet Express ship. Sign beeps ‘incoming transmission’, and the big screen lowers in front of Leela’s face.
ZOIDBERG: (He is strapped in a chair, a thin pointed drill is moving towards his head) Leela! You have to help! I’m being forced to learn! Come save me! Save me, dammit!
LEELA: (Sarcastically) Oh lord, we have to save Zoidberg. Wait a sec, Zoidberg, why don’t you want to learn medicine? You would be fired, otherwise.
ZOIDBERG: I have learnt medicine! They are trying to teach me how to speak backwards! (The drill hits his shell, and bends beyond use) Well, whaddaya know? This shell is actually useful after all! (He rips through the straps holding him in the chair, and scuttles out, wooping.)
LEELA: False alarm, everybody, it was just Zoidberg being an idiot. Now, as this is a long trip, you will all need to go into hibernation. See you in 8 days.
ALL: See you!
Ext. Planet Express building. Zoidberg walks up to Hermes, who is enjoying the sun on the street outside, filing requisitions, as per usual.
HERMES: I hope you got your training, Zoidberg.
ZOIDBERG: Yes I did. I have actually come to speak to you about more important matters.
HERMES: Yeees (he draws out the ‘e’, to make it sound like he’s interested)
ZOIDBERG: I QUIT!
ZOIDBERG: I quit, dammit! I’m moving up to be a SUCCESSFUL doctor, not hanging around with lazy bums like you all day. I managed to get all A’s on my course. I will finally be able to heal REAL people!
HERMES: Wha?…Yeah, whatever. Byee!
Caption: ‘One week later’
Ext. Planet Express Building. Camera pans left, to reveal a small tent nestled in the alleyway besides the building. Sign hanging on front door reads: ‘Zoidberg’s heal-o-mat-give me money or food and I’ll cure anything.’ Calculon walks up to tent, and discreetly goes in.
CALCULON: I am willing to pay you $5 million and give to you one of my many villas along the Florida coast, if only you could cure my nagging backache.
ZOIDBERG: Go on, go on
CALCULON: Well, you see- (he is cut off)
ZOIDBERG: Step in the cubicle, please
A door swings open on a small cubicle, barely larger than a wardrobe)
CALCULON: Okay (the door closes, and various clanking and whirring noises emanate from within) Ooh! Aah! That tickles. (Calculon’s ears suddenly shoot across the tent)
ZOIDBERG: Aha! There’s your problem! (He picks up Calculons ears, examines them, and throws them in the bin.)
CALCULON: Eh? My ears are nowhere near my ba- (he is cut off. Again)
ZOIDBERG: (Scowling) Who is the professional doctor here?
CALCULON: What are you going to do about it, doc?
ZOIDBERG: (Picking up a box off the desk) Well, until you have some new ears manufactured, you will need to wear these prosthetic ears. (He pulls out a pair of over-sized human ears)
CALCULON: But…but…they are human ears, doc. I can’t wear those. Everyone will laugh at me!
ZOIDBERG: You can and they will. Oh wait, they already laugh at you…..anyway, you will get used to them in a while.
Calculon puts on the ears. They stick out a good few feet.
Now, about that money and villa you mentioned earlier…
CALCULON: (As Zoidberg is getting out a suitcase and putting the contents of his tent into it) Ah, yes, that…(he passes him the title deed to a house and a large wad of money. Calculon follows Zoidberg out of the tent, leaving two large ear shaped gouges either side of the door.)
Zoidberg puts his suitcase on the ground, and the tent puts itself into the suitcase
ZOIDBERG: Pleasure doing business with you, old chum. (He winks)
Zoidberg hails a taxi, and speeds away to his new home.
Ext. Planet Express ship. It is flying in a dead straight line, hitting, destroying or ploughing through anything in its path. There is the remains of a Voyager satellite on the nose.
Int. Planet Express ship.
LEELA: (Worriedly) Hey! Who disabled the cruise control? (She wakes up Bender, who is lying asleep, half on a seat, half on the control panel)
BENDER: Hey, what! Woman flesh bag! Whaddayou want?
LEELA: What I want is control of the ship back!
BENDER: Oh! (He gets up off the chair, revealing on the control panel the destroyed cruise control lever) That’s what I was sleeping on!
Leela sits back in the seat, and enables manual control of the ship. It zooms off towards Nova Perinon 12.
Ext. Nova Perinon 12 capital city. The leader is sitting on his throne, surrounded by his subjects. They look just like humans, except they have over-sized, pulsating heads.
NP12 LEADER: WHERE ARE THEY! They should be here by now! (He bellows at his subjects)
SUBJECT 1: I……I don’t know where they could have go- Oh, wait! We are getting something on the radar, I am being told.
NP12 LEADER: WHAT IS IT! (He bellows at them again)
SUBJECT 1: It’s……it’s the planet express ship, sire. W-with the tar, for Golgor.
NP12 LEADER: Good, good, tell Golgor he will have his tar soon.
SUBJECT 2: Will do, sire
The T.V automatically switches on.
NP12 LEADER: Ah, good, now for my favourite long-distance broadcast, ‘Good Morning America’. Time to catch up on what those puny earthlings are doing.
LINDA (ON T.V): …And so the dog played with the ball all, day, long
MORBO: Aaww, that is so beautiful…it makes Morbo’s all-powerful eyes go burning and tingly.
LINDA: Why, I have never seen you cry before.
MORBO: I AM NOT CRYING WOMAN! SHUT UP! SHUT UP OR I WILL DESTROY YOU! (He hurls the desk at the camera, and the screen switches to a picture of Morbo playing with a kitten, caption ‘Morbo needs to calm down, we will resume transmission as soon as possible).
NP12 LEADER: Aah, yes, this ‘Morbo’, he’s my kind of grotesque space alien. See if you can get him to join our band of ‘merry men’.
SUBJECT 2: Yes, sire. (He sighs, a bit like Kif)
A screen suddenly rises out of the floor, Leela’s face appears on it.
LEELA: We have the tar, and will be docking in approximately 3 minutes.
NP12 LEADER: FINALLY! (He booms at the screen, and the glass shatters. A new piece of glass pops up from the base of the set, and slides over the image) OVER!
Ext. Forest. Bender and Fry are unloading a vat of bubbling, steaming tar.
LEELA: Hurry up! We’ll miss ‘Everybody Loves Hypno-Toad’.
FRY: Mutter, mutter, shout, shout. That’s all she ever does. Why doesn’t she ever do any work?
BENDER: Yeah! Why don’t you help with any of the deliveries, Leela? (He puffs on a cigar)
LEELA: (Making up an excuse) Well, umm, I think because I’m captain-
BENDER: (Interrupting) Whoa, whoa, whoa! You think that because you are captain, you have to do no work? Me and flabby guts here do ALL the work. I propose that for once YOU do all the work, and me and Fry do what you usually do when we are out delivering, which I presume is nothing. Whaddaya say, my ol’ bag of meat?
FRY: Yeah, I’m up for it!
LEELA: (Crossly) Hey, wait a minute. Do you two even know what I do when you are out?
FRY: No, but it can’t be any worse than delivering an endless incessant stream of packages to an endless incessant stream of mindless aliens, who wouldn’t give a second thought about eating you as soon as you step onto their crummy planet.
LEELA: Lets see, what do I do when you are out? (She thinks hard, making things up as she goes along) Scrub the windows, clean the toilets, feed the lion, clean Hermes’ mobile desk, polish the controls…..err…..that’s about it, I suppose.
BENDER: Easy peasy! I could do those jobs with my eyes closed!
FRY: Cool! I wanna see that!
BENDER: O.K, see that rock over there?
BENDER: I bet I could move it from where it is now, to that opened crater over there. (Benders eyes extend out of their sockets, and he unscrews them and chucks them in his chest. He stumbles over to the boulder.)
LEELA: Bender, since when has you doing something stupid just to prove a point been the right thing to do? And Fry, you don’t need to egg him on, either.
Bender trips over the boulder, and gets stuck in the crater; head first, feet flailing wildly in the air.
LEELA: (Sarcastically) Oh lord. I guess I should come with you guys. Who knows what trouble you could get yourselves into.
Bender heaves himself out of the crater, performs a back flip and lands on top of Fry.
BENDER: (Sarcastically) Thanks for cushioning my fall, meatbag. (He gets up and dusts himself off, oblivious to the unconscious Fry.)
LEELA: Okay, lets put him on the hover dolly. Bender, can you get the vat of tar delivered by yourself?
BENDER: Yeah, but I ain’t making any promises. (He suddenly realises Fry is unconscious) Oh, how’d you get down there, Fry?
LEELA: You knocked him out, bozo, when you landed on him. Well, I suppose I’ll have to see if there is any revive-o-mat on board-it looks like we’ll need it.
BENDER: (Muttering to himself) Making me work all by myself…I thought I was paid to sit around doing nothing…Stupid Leela…Stupid unconscious Fry.
LEELA: (Turning around) What was that?
BENDER: Nothing, nothing.
LEELA: For your ass’s sake, you had better deliver that tar, or you can say bye-bye Mr. Crotch plate.
BENDER: Yeah, sure, whatever. See ya.
We see a camera, mounted on a jetpack, following Benders movements through the forest. Bender is singing.
BENDER: (Singing to himself) Doop-a-de-doo, doo doop a do WA! (He pours the tar into a crater, on the pronunciation of ‘wa’)
CAMERA: ALERT! ALERT!
BENDER: (Turning round) Uh oh. (He runs into the forest)
A ship suddenly lands in the forest. A crane arm lowers, picks up Leela, and zooms off through the forest.
FRY: (Beginning to wake up) Eh?…..Leela?…..Bender? Where are you guys? Anybody? (He walks towards the planet express ship)
Ext. A mansion. Zoidberg is sunning himself on a roof top terrace, surrounded by lobster women in bikinis. There is an operating table in the background, and a robotic arm working on a patient.
ZOIDBERG: Aah, this is the- (The videophone rings) what the? (Fry appears on the phone’s screen) Aah, Fry, my miserably poor friend! How may I help? Do you have a backache? I can give you new ears for free, seeing as you are one of my most loyal and close (he coughs) friends.
FRY: (He is clearly distressed) Zoidberg! You have you help me!
ZOIDBERG: Yes, I said I would help you….
FRY: (Panicking) Bender and Leela have vanished! The professor won’t listen to me; he thinks I am going insane! You’ve gotta help me! PLEASE!
ZOIDBERG: Oh…I don’t know, Fry, I’m kind of busy at the moment…
BUTLER (OFF SCREEN): Where do you want that operatomatic you ordered, Zoidberg?
ZOIDBERG: SHUT UP! I’m trying to convince a ‘friend’ that I’m busy. Move it! (He turns back to the screen) Now Fry, I will be willing to help, as long as I get to eat whatever or whoever I want and you pay me in mackerel for 3 months. Is that okay with you?
FRY: Okay, okay, anything, JUST HELP ME FIND MY FRIENDS! (He starts sobbing onto the control panel of the Planet Express ship.)
ZOIDBERG: Okay, I’ll be on Nova Perinon 12 soon, and Fry, stop weeping, you are making the picture quality bad.
FRY: I’ve managed to switch the GPS on, so you can find me…I thank you Zoidberg, for helping me when everyone has disappeared…for that, you are a true friend.
The flickering picture of Fry on Zoidberg’s screen disappears, and Zoidberg scuttles over to his private craft, martini in hand.
Cut to shot of Bender running through the forest on Nova Perinon 12, being chased by a camera strapped to a jetpack flying through the air after him.
NP12 LEADER: Aah, (watching video screen) he is headed straight towards our gates. String him up on entry, boys.
SUBJECT 1: Will do, sire.
BENDER: (Out of breath) Oh god! I think they’ve found me! (He suddenly realises he is surrounded) Please, don’t hurt me! I’ve not got much to live for! (Suddenly, a large tentacle comes flying out of the ground and grabs Bender) Aaw…no, not again! (He disappears from view, amid clouds of dust and broken tree branches)
NP12 LEADER: Oh darn, what will I tell to the wife?
The camera pans down through the Earth, passing by various skeletons, fossils etc., including a Ford Pinto, and the remains of it’s fossilised driver. The camera catches up with Golgor holding Bender by the antenna.
BENDER: Wh-where are you taking me?
GOLGOR: (Gruffly, but in a kind way) You’ll see.
Camera switches to Leela, in a cage, and the NP12 leader standing in front of her, looking very angry. Leela looks peed off.
NP12 LEADER: You, my freaky little Cyclops, are the accomplice to the most terrible of crimes.
LEELA: And what may that be? Landing on your precious planet? Walking on your precious soil? Me about to kick your precious ass?
NP12 LEADER: You try that, and you will be dead before you hit the….ooohhh…(He doubles over in pain, and staggers out of the room, muttering a few words, returning to the room, and collapsing. Leela calls for help as his body expands to twice its normal size)
LEELA: Help! Help! He’s expanding! Get a medic; I don’t want him to explode all over me! (A medic alien runs in)
MEDIC: Oh my……he is suffering from a severe case of gastro-expanderitus. He will explode and die within two hours, unless he gets proper medical attention. If only we had trained proper doctors when we got a chance! (He starts sobbing into his hands). I am only authorised to assess the condition of the patient. God damn this Conservative democracy!
LEELA: (Turning to the medic) Look, if you can find a way of getting me out of here, then I know a doctor who can heal him properly. He is a very successful celebrity doctor on planet Earth.
MEDIC: (In between sobs) O…okay, I’ll see what I can do.
Cut to Fry. Zoidberg enters ship.
FRY: (Sighing) What am I going to do? Leela and Bender have gone; all I have now is myself…again.
ZOIDBERG: Hello Fry.
FRY: AAAAGH! Who are you, freaky space mutant!?
ZOIDBERG: It’s me, Zoidberg, your pal! Here to help you find Leela and Bender!
FRY: (Rocking on his chair, looking white faced and scared) Whatever you say, whatever you say, find my friends, real friends, good people! WHY WON’T YOU LISTEN TO ME? (He pulls Zoidberg right up close to his face)
Zoidberg pulls away from Fry, Fry collapses on the floor, shaking and sobbing.
ZOIDBERG: Pull yourself together, human! (He slaps Fry with his claw, Fry stops sobbing and shaking) Ooh, look, the T.V imageulater!
The screen pops out from the ceiling. Leela appears on it.
LEELA: Fry! I am so glad to see you!
Fry’s eyes light up.
FRY: I’m glad to see you too, Leela
LEELA: Listen up, Fry, I’ve been kidnapped by some weird race of space aliens-I really need to know where Zoidberg is.
Zoidberg’s eyes light up. He is standing just off the video screen.
LEELA: Because their leader has been taken seriously ill, and will die in the next two hours if he doesn’t get the proper medical treatment, and, as Zoidberg is the only qualified doctor on this ENTIRE planet, I really do need to find him!
ZOIDBERG: Yay! I’m being useful! (He walks into the camera shot)
LEELA: Zoidberg? Is that you?
ZOIDBERG: Yes, yes it is! It is I: Zoidberg!
LEELA: Enough of the speech, Zoidberg, I am counting on you to heal the leader, which will in turn set me free!
FRY: Whoa, whoa, whoa! You are saying that Zoidberg, one of the worst doctors on planet Earth, and the only doctor on this planet, needs to go help save a leader of a species of grotesque space aliens?
ZOIDBERG: If worst means best, then yes!
Cut to Bender and Golgor (the large, tentacled cave monster), sitting in a cave playing cards. Bender has his sunglasses on.
GOLGOR: Do you really need those shades?
BENDER: Yeah, they are my ‘lucky shades’.
Cut to shot of inside of Benders shades. They are X-ray specs, which reveal the numbers on Golgor’s cards. Cut back to room.
GOLGOR: Hmm….This is strange. I haven’t won one game, yet you claim to have virtually no experience at poker?
BENDER: Uh huh. Why’d you ask?
GOLGOR: Oh, no reason, I just wondered if those ‘lucky shades’ had anything to do with the amount of wins you have been getting.
BENDER: Err….no they didn’t! Who would ever think I would stoop so low as to have X-ray specs?
GOLGOR: Let me see those ‘specs’ (He reaches over to grab them)
BENDER: Aaagh! (He tries to cover his eyes, but Golgor pulls his arms off, and chucks them across the floor). I’m boned!
GOLGOR: X-RAY SPECS! I thought we could be friends, you lying,
BENDER: Check. (He removes a set of cards and a candleholder from his chest)
GOLGOR: Little trashcan!
BENDER: Uh oh! (He looks worried)
GOLGOR: See ya!
Golgor picks up Bender in one of his tentacles, and forces him back up through the earth. Bender reappears, about 3 feet shorter, with a pile of earth compressed on his head.
BENDER: (Groaning weakly) Oh…my head…(He flies up through the air, and goes straight through the Planet Express ship roof)
Cut to Planet Express ship interior
FRY: Zoidberg, did you hear something?
ZOIDBERG:…I’m gone! (He scuttles away, wooping, and holding a first aid kit)
FRY: Okay, intruder, it’s just you and Philip J. Fry now (he grabs a random iron bar off the floor). Come and get me! (He slowly walks out of the door, there is a girlish scream, a crash, and Fry runs backwards. Bender falls forwards onto the floor, a large semi-circular dent in his head) Aaagh! Bender, I’m so, so sorry! I thought you were the cave monster, which you obviously aren’t. You aren’t, are you?
BENDER: Aaah, my head, again (he struggles up from the floor). It’s only the second time that’s happened in about five minutes. And no, I am NOT the cave monster, as you can see. Jerk.
Cut to Zoidberg scuttling through the forest, wooping, as Golgor’s tentacles rip up the forest behind him.
GOLGOR: Graaah! It’s lobster for dinner!
ZOIDBERG: (Still running) Oh good, may I join you?
GOLGOR: You ARE dinner!
Zoidberg woops loudly, and scuttles even faster.
Cut to Nova Perinon 12 leader in a sick bed in the palace. His faithful subjects are pointing spears at Leela, tapping their feet.
SUBJECT 1: Where is this ‘doctor’? Where is he? (He jabs his spear at Leela. She jumps away, surprising all the subjects, and retaliates by kicking him in the face.)
LEELA: Humph! No one jabs spears at me! (The subjects surround her)
Zoidberg scuttles in.
ZOIDBERG: (Puffing, out of breath) Quick! Must heal leader! I’m ready!
LEELA: (Getting up off the floor, as the subjects drift away from her) Why are you so out of breath? And what happened to your tuxedo?
ZOIDBERG: (Regaining some breath) Well, you see, Golgor was chasing me, and then all of a sudden he had a mid-life crisis. So I had to stop, and, being the doctor I am, solve his problems. He then- (He is cut off)
LEELA: We don’t have time for your revelations, Zoidberg, you must heal the leader, so I can go free!
ZOIDBERG: But you didn’t let me get to the part where I gave him all my money and the title deed to my mansion!
LEELA: You did WHAT?
ZOIDBERG: I simply gave him all my money and the deed to my house, and he said his problems were solved. See, I am a great doctor!
LEELA: No, Zoidberg, you are an idiot!
ZOIDBERG: I’m a what?
LEELA: Never mind. Now, lets get this healing over and done with. I’ll go tell the subjects that you are ready to perform surgery.
ZOIDBERG: Okee-doke. Now, lets see what’s wrong with you. (He gets a bag out, and pulls out of it various sharp instruments, including a scalpel, a saw, carving knives and some scissors)
Cut to Leela talking to the subjects.
LEELA: So, it should all be over in a few hours. Oh, and can I phone my friends now?
SUBJECT 2: Yeah, sure, just so long as you don’t knock any of us out.
SUBJECT 3: Or dribble on the mouthpiece.
SUBJECT 2: It’s right over here.
LEELA: Thank you. (They walk over to the phone, and Leela dials a number)
Cut to Bender in the ship. His head still has a large dent in it. The big screen pops down, and Bender answers it.
BENDER: Hello? Oh, it’s you. The Cyclops. Oooh! I’m sooo scared!
LEELA: Shut up Bender. Where’s Fry
BENDER: Oi! Fry, that one eyed freaky dreamboat of yours wants to speak to you!
Fry walks in with the iron bar and smashes Bender over the head with it again. Bender falls forwards, and Fry walks to the screen.
LEELA: Thank you, Fry, but what exactly has happened to Bender? He seems…different.
FRY: Well, I kind of accidentally hit him on the head with an iron bar, when he fell through the roof of the ship. Ever since then, he has been acting all strange. When I heard what he said about you, I snapped, and hit him on the head with it again. Hopefully he is sorted out now.
LEELA: Thanks Fry, for standing up for me. (Fry’s eyes light up, and he smiles.) Fry, can you fly the ship out of the forest, and directly north from where you are? Zoidberg’s nearly finished the operation, and we need picking up.
FRY: Anything for you, anything (His eyes glaze over, he smiles, staring into space)
LEELA: Snap out of it Fry! (He jumps) We need to hurry!
Ext. Planet Express ship. We see it lift off, and fly erratically north towards the palace, to collect Leela.
Cut to palace. Zoidberg has almost finished the operation on the leader of the Perinions. He is sweating, and obviously very nervous.
ZOIDBERG: Just a little bit there, (he snips at something). Now, to make the final…cut…(He cuts a little bit, but his sweaty claw slips in the scissors, cutting an artery. Blood spurts from the leader all over the wall opposite. The heart monitor goes from steady beating, to erratic palpitations, and then goes blank) Ooops! That blew it!
SUBJECT 2: HE KILLED OUR LEADER! HE MUST DIE! In the most painful and excruciating way possible! Go get my ‘torture tongs’, you two.
SUBJECTS 3+4: Yes sir! (They salute subject 1)
LEELA: Wait, wait, I’m sure there is some way we can sort this out!
SUBJECT 1: There is only one way we can sort this out. Death to the person who killed our leader, and anyone associated with him or her! Friends or family, they all shall die! DEATH TO THE STRANGERS! DEATH TO THE STRANGERS!
Leela backs towards the door of the operating theatre, with the subjects following her. She smacks the door open, right across the face of one of the subject’s faces. He recoils, and collapses on the floor.
LEELA: Take this! (She kicks one of the other subjects in the face, as he tries to grab hold of her legs.)
Leela disappears through the door, grabs the confused Zoidberg, and runs out of the operating theatre.
ZOIDBERG: Where are we going, I wonder?
LEELA: (Turning to Zoidberg) Just shut up and run! (A ray gun beam shoots across the room, past their heads. Zoidberg squeals in fright.) They are firing at us! Run even faster!
SUBJECT 3: (He is holding a giant pair of spiky tongs) Quick! They are getting away! Arm the BIG guns. (A giant cannon on wheels trundles up to the army of subjects, and they make themselves busy by loading everything they can into its barrel)
SUBJECT 2: FIRE!
A massive boom emanates from the cannon, blasting a large cluster of different objects at Zoidberg and Leela
LEELA: Keep running, Zoidberg!
ZOIDBERG: I can’t, I can’t, I’m all wooped out! (Suddenly, a sink flies straight into the back of his head, knocking him unconscious)
LEELA: Zoidberg! Can you- (A bar of metal hits Leela’s leg, making her sprawl forwards on the floor)
SUBJECT 3: Hold your fire, boys! We got them! (Leela tries to get up, but the subjects quickly surround her and the unconscious Zoidberg)
Suddenly, there is a loud whooshing sound, followed by a large crash, as an unidentifiable object blows off the front of the palace. As the dust cloud gradually rises, everybody looks on and watches in awe.
SUBJECT 4: What, the heck?
SUBJECT 3: Quick, shoot the captives! Then we can escape to a foreign country, where happiness and bigamy are the only two legal requirements!
SUBJECT 4: What about gambling?
SUBJECT 3: Yes, that’s one too.
Just then, the dust finally starts to settle, and a vague outline of the Planet Express ship is seen sitting on the rubble of the front of the palace, landing gear still up in the hold. Fry appears, walking out of the dust cloud.
FRY: Hey, sorry about the palace, guys. (He realises that the subjects are holding Leela and Zoidberg hostage. He walks towards the group of subjects surrounding Leela and Zoidberg) Not so fast! (He points a gun at one of the subjects) Nobody move! Except Leela and Zoidberg.
LEELA: Where in the name of all that is holy did you get that?
FRY: (Smiling) Lets just say that Bender hasn’t been telling us the whole truth lately. Now! All of you! Hands on strangely swollen pulsating heads! Except you Leela, oh, and Zoidberg, whereever he is.
LEELA: He’s on the ground, knocked out.
Then a voice is heard.
NP12 LEADER: Stop! I never died! The good (Fry laughs when he mentions ‘good’) doctor here simply punctured one of my many blood sacs. I was going to spare your lives, but, as you have so ably demonstrated your need for needless destruction, by destroying my palace, injuring most of my crew and causing general panic and chaos, I sentence- (He is interrupted. Fry is holding the gun to the leaders head)
FRY: YOU to death. (He shoots the leader, and chucks the gun away.)
SUBJECT 2: He killed our leader! Get him!
FRY: Leela! Run!
LEELA: I can’t, my leg, it’s broken!
FRY: Okay, come on then, I’ll just have to help you.
LEELA: But you will get yourself killed! Just go yourself, leave me here. Don’t sacrifice the two of us!
FRY: It’s a chance I’m willing to take for the woman I love.
LEELA: What was that?
FRY: It’s a chance I’m willing to take for the- (An explosion of gunfire stops Leela from hearing the last part of the sentence declaring Fry’s love for her)
LEELA: Don’t forget Zoidberg! (Zoidberg has rolled into a ball, so Fry rolls him towards the ship)
FRY: (Going back for Leela) Come on, we can make it! (He and Leela hobble off towards the ship, Leela leaning on his shoulder with one arm)
Zoidberg finally wakes up, and opens the hatch on the badly damaged Planet Express ship for them. They climb into the ship under a hail of gunfire, and the ailing ship speeds off into the night sky.
Int. Planet Express ship. Leela is lying down on a bed, and Fry and Zoidberg are standing over her. The ship is on autopilot, and Bender is still knocked out.
FRY: So, as the doctor, you can fix her up, right?
ZOIDBERG: That’s funny; I can’t remember a thing about before I was knocked out. Maybe me being knocked out wiped my memory as a doctor. Now I should be back to normal. I think.
FRY: (Desperately) Do you have ANY books on how to operate on people? Please say you do!
ZOIDBERG: Yes, by chance I think I do have a book on surgery. I’ll go get it for you.
He returns with a book, entitled ‘Basic brain surgery and how to heal other broken bones-for dummies’
FRY: Lets see, broken arms, nope, fractured spines, nope, aha! Here we are, broken legs and ankles. It says I need some anaesthetic, a scalpel, and two pieces of stiff material to act as splints. Do you have any of those items, Zoidberg?
ZOIDBERG: Yes, yes I do. (He gets out a scalpel, a cylinder of laughing gas, labelled ‘warning: not suitable for prolonged use on humans or cats’, and two planks of wood from his bag)
Caption: One hour later
FRY: There! Finished! Now I’ve just got to wait for the anaesthetic to wear off. (He sits down and twiddles his thumbs) Oh, hey Bender! (Bender walks past, still with two large dents in the top of his head) Are you back to normal yet? I’m really, really sorry about what I had to do to you earlier.
BENDER: Oh, yeah, I’m fine. Back to my good old lovable self. Except that ever since you hit me with those iron bars, I have been able to pick up radio broadcasts on my aerial.
Bender walks out, humming to a tune on the radio. He fiddles with his aerial, and it switches to a classical station, playing ‘Hanson- Doo wop’
LEELA: (Beginning to wake up) Fry, is that you? What happened? That anaesthetic was really strong stuff.
FRY: Well, your leg kind of got broken, but it is fine now.
LEELA: Anything else?
FRY: Well, Zoidberg lost his memory after being knocked out, so I had to operate on your leg, to reset the bones. Oh, and I saved you from a planet of aliens after they tried to kill you and Zoidberg.
LEELA: Thanks for saving me Fry, (she leans over, and kisses him lightly on the cheek) I don’t know what I would have done without you.
Fade to black and end credits.