« on: 01-12-2006 19:43 »
Mario’s Futuristic Meltdown
Prof. Farnsworth: Good news everyone! I took a trip to a planet called Nintendu 64, and picked up this Italian man named Mario, because he wanted to see what New New York was like!
(Mario walks in)
Mario: It's-a me! Mario!(for the clueless, all of the added on A’s in Mario’s lines are his Italian accent)
Fry: Wow! I didn't know you really existed! I thought you were just a video game character!
Mario: Well, I'm-a not! So-a I guess that-a you learned somthing-a new today!
Fry: Can I have your autograph?
Mario: Only if you-a give me pasta.
Fry: Sure!(he goes and looks in the fridge)Damn! No Pasta, just beer.
Bender: Hee, hee, hee
Fry: Ok, I guess we'll just have to cook some! Who wants to? Professor, do you?
Prof. Farnsworth: NO! I hate cooking! Didn’t I already tell you?
Prof. Farnsworth: What? I couldn’t hear you!
Prof. Farnsworth: What?
Prof. Farnsworth: What?
Fry: ...Ah, screw it! Lets see, who else is there…Leela?
Leela: Nah, I don’t like cooking either, I always end up burning my eye
Fry: Well, I can’t cook either so that means…..hmmm…….maybe Hermes…………..
Bender: …..uhhh…..can I cook it?
Fry: Sure, why not?
Bender: WOOHOO! You will not regret this!!!
(Bender goes into the kitchen to cook)
Prof. Farnsworth: (yawns)I’m tired as hell…I’m going to bed….
(as he walks off to his bedroom, he mumbles something about food poisoning)
10 min. later...
Bender: Here ya go!
(gives Mario the pasta)
Mario: Err...This-a doesn't look-a very appetizing...
Bender: Go ahead! Try it!
Mario: uhhhh........ok, if you say so.....(he takes a bite)AAAUUUUGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS-A FREAKIN'-A DIGUSTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bender: Bite My Shiny Metal Ass, you Italian bastard!
Mario: You-a take-a that back, you-a metal retard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Leela: uhhhh.............ooooohhhhhh h kaaaaaayyyyyyy.....that was weird…….usually Bender would just come up with another insult and eventually get into a very violent fight with the other person.
Bender: I dunno…I just don’t really feel myself today.
Leela: Oh….that happens to me sometimes too…I know how you feel………………..
(then there was a long and quite awkward silence, and then Fry unexpectedly broke it and took them all out of a trance)
Fry: Soooo…can I have that autograph now? I mean, you got the pasta...
Mario: I meant-a good pasta, not-a this crap!!!!!!
Bender: Well gee, It's not my fault that Matt Groening hasn't made the last episode of season 3, 30% Iron Chef yet!
Fry: Wait a minute, maybe we can find a way to go into the future so that that episode will have already happened!
Leela: But how? No one’s invented time machines yet! You know, now that I think about it, it's kind of wierd no one has……..
Mario: I-a know a way!(he then gets out a cell pnone and dials a number, then the scene switches to Link sitting on a bench in Hyrule Field talking with Zelda)
Zelda: So Link, what do you want to do tonight?
Link: I'm not sure, maybe…(is cut off by his cell phone ringing)…hold on a second Zelda, (answers phone)Yes? Who is this?
Mario: It's-a me! Mario! Listen-a Link, I need you to-a help-a me with a time-a travel problem, come-a here-a right away!
Link: Ok, Where are you?
Mario: New-a New York.
Link: Why are you there?
Mario: No-a time to-a explain, I-a just need-a you here right now!
Link: Ok, I'll be there in a sec, bye!(hangs up and takes out his ocarina)
Zelda: Where are you going?
Link: No time to explain, bye Zelda, (and then Link plays what sounds like the Futurama theme song on his ocarina, and then is transported to the room where Mario, Fry, Bender, and Leela were, and everyone except Mario was astonished)
Link: So what is it Mario?
Mario: Well, Bender-a here is very bad-a at cooking, and-a he gets-a better at-a cooking in a later-a episode of-a this-a show. And-a Fry here wants-a my autograph and-a I won't-a give it-a to him unless he-a gives me-a pasta, and they're-a out of pasta, and Bender-a is-a the only one-a here who-a can cook. So-a we need-a you to use-a the Song Of-a Time to take us-a into-a the future.
Link: How far into the future?
Mario: Right-a at-a the end of-a the last-a episode of-a season 3 of-a this-a show called 30%-a Iron Chef.
Fry: Come on! I want that autograph really badly!
Leela: Come on! It will be a huge milestone in scientific studies!
Bender: Come on you stupid elf! I want to get better at cooking!!!!!
Mario: Seriously come-a on!!! I want-a that-a damn pasta already!!!!!!!
Link: …..ehhh..…fine! Next stop, the end of the episode 30% Iron Chef!(then he plays the Futurama theme song, and then the Song Of Time on his ocarina, then they all suddenly appear in the same room only it's late afternoon and Bender is holding some sort of trophy)
Bender: COOL!!!!!! A TROPHY!!!!!
Mario: Thanks-a Link!
Link: Anytime!(he then plays his ocarina once more and disappears)
Leela: What happened?
Fry: Everything looks the same!
Mario: It-a really isn't. Supposedly, Bender-a just won a cooking-a competition against-a Ellzar, or-a whatever the hell his-a name was, and is-a now good at-a cooking
Fry: So do I get my autograph now?
Mario: No! Give-a me the pasta first!!!
Bender: Okey dokey!
(then he runs into the kitchen to cook)
10 min. later...
Mario: OH-A BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bender: Here ya go!(gives Mario the pasta, and Mario eats the whole freakin' thing in one bite!)
Mario: HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!!!! THIS-A IS THE BEST-A DAMN-A PASTA I'VE-A EVER HAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bender: Thank you!
Mario: Here's-a your autograph-a, Fry!!!
Fry:YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!............................. ............................. ... ....................soooooooo o.........what happens now?
Mario: How-a should I-a know? Matt-a Groening is-a the one-a making-a this-a episode!
Leela: (sarcasticly)That's perfectly logical!
Bender: No it isn’t…I think…
Fry: Uhhhhhhhhhhh………….what were we talking about?
Fry: Yay! I like cheese!
Bender: (mutters)heh, heh, dumbass.
Mario: Yeah right-a! You can’t-a trust Bender-a for anything-a!
Leela: How do you know that?
Mario: Trust-a me, I-a know a lot-a more than-a you think I-a do!
Fry: If you know so much, then what’s two plus two?
Fry: Thanks I needed the answer to that problem on my math test!
Leela: Uhhhhh……..Fry…that’s not the right…………..never mind……
(then Prof. Farnsworth comes in)
Prof. Farnsworth: Good news everyone!
Fry: Why do you always say that?
Prof. Farnsworth: What?
Fry: …………………………………………..never mind…………….(mutters)jackass…
Bender: So what is it Professor?
Prof. Farnsworth: Well, I want you three and Mario to deliver three tons of pasta to a planet called Italiono Cheesus 24.
Mario: YAHOOOO!!!!!!! This is-a going-a to be-a fun! My-a first-a mission! I get to-a ea…..I mean-a deliver three tons of-a delicious mouth-a-watering-a pasta!!!
Leela: Were you about to say “eat” the pasta?
Mario: (with a worried look on his face)NO!........................
Fry: Hmmmm….that kind of makes me suspicious, but you’d better not eat it Mario!
Bender: You’d better! Now let’s get the hell out of here, my ass is beginning to hurt from sitting in this damn chair so much!
(and then the scene switches to the ship flying out of the building, they are all sitting in the front part of the ship and Leela is driving)
Fry: So Mario, how do you like New, New York so far?
Mario: It’s-a been pretty-a fun.
Fry: Oh, you think I could come to your home planet some time? It sounds fun to me.
Mario: Well-a, I’m-a not-a sure, I-a mean, you’d-a probably gat attacked-a by-a Goombas or-a something.
Fry: Couldn’t you just kill them?
Mario: Well, Goombas are-a actually harder to-a kill in real life-a than in-a my games.
Bender: What, are they robotic?
Mario: How-a did-a you know?
Bender: Just guessed......
Leela: I’m sorry to interrupt your, (sarcasticly)very important conversation but, we’re passing Pluto.
Fry: How exactly is that important?
Leela: I dunno…I just sorta felt like telling you guys.
Mario: (thinking)Past-a Pluto, already? I don’t-a have-a much time!(out loud)Ok, I’m-a gonna go wash-a my-a hands now.
(Mario leaves the room)
Fry: Gee Bender, don’t you thing Mario’s nice?
Bender: NO!!!!!!!! He insulted my cooking! That bastard!
Fry: How could you say such a thing! Mario’s a perfectly reasonable!
Bender: No, he isn’t!!!
Fry: Yes he is dammit!!!
Leela: Shut the hell up, both of you! Mario’s going on this mission with us whether either of you like it or not!
Bender: You know what, you’ve got a point there!
Mario: I’m-a back! And I feel-a better than-a ever!
Fry: What do you mean? All you did was wash your hands.
Mario: (with a nervous look on his face)uhhhh……………….well, washing-a my hands just-a makes me feel good!
Fry: I dunno…it still sounds kind of suspicious…….
Bender: Who cares?
Fry: Well, yeah…I guess you’re right…
Bender: Of course I am!
Mario: Yeah! What-a he said!
Leela: We’re here!
(then the scene switches to them walking down the steps of the ship onto the ground and some strange looking aliens are waiting for them, Leela’s holding a clipboard with the delivery form on it, in the background there are a bunch of buildings made of cheese)
Leela: We’re here to deliver three tons of pasta, who’s in charge here?
Alien Leader: Me-a.
Leela: (holds up clipboard with form on it) Sign here please.(as he’s singing, she whispers to fry)Go get the pasta.
Fry: Okey dokey!
(Fry runs up the stairs and disappears into the ship)
Leela: So, Mr. Leader, what do you need this pasta for anyway?
Alien Leader: Well, we’re-a starting a major-a business on Mercury for-a selling-a pasta and-a we needed-a some-a to get us-a started.
Leela: Oh, how much do you get paid?
Alien Leader: Well, we-a get, (is interrupted by Fry yelling from the ship)
Fry: WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!
Mario: (thinking)Oh-a god, no!!! He found out!
Leela: What happened?
Fry: ALL THE PASTA’S GONE!!!!!!
Leela: What the!?!............Mario, you bastard!!!!
Mario: But I-a didn’t-a do it!!! I-a swear!!!!
Leela&Bender: YEAH RIGHT!!!
Alien Leader: WHAT-A!!!!! NO-A PASTA!!!!!!!!!!!
All Aliens: ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Leela: Come on guys!!! Get in the ship!!!!
(they all run into the ship and fly off, the scene switches to them in the ship)
Fry: Whew! That was a close one!!!
Bender: Tell me about it!!!
Leela: Yeah, but I can’t help but think we’ve forgotten something…
(scene switches to Mario back at the planet surrounded by aliens)
Mario: Come-a on-a you-a bastards!!! I can-a take-a you all on!!!!! Bring-a it on!!!!!!!!!
(all the aliens get out guns)
Mario: Oh-a crap!!!!! I-a sure hope-a that-a Shigeru-a Miyamato programmed me to-a be good at-a dodging-a bullets!!!!!!!!
By: MarioMan#1 (Spencer Douglas Smith)