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PEEL - The Futurama Message Board    Melllvar's Erotic Friend Fiction    A new Fan Fiction by someone less talented. « previous next »
Author Topic: A new Fan Fiction by someone less talented.  (Read 483 times)
Pages: [1] Print
Corvus

Bending Unit
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« on: 12-14-2005 07:45 »
« Last Edit on: 03-15-2006 00:00 »

Edit: Gone.
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
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« Reply #1 on: 12-14-2005 10:10 »

nice action sequence.  You might want to go back and check your grammar and sentence structure before you post your next section though. 

 
Quote
the station computer calculated the optimal trajectory for its missiles judge from the ship speed, altitude, irregular flying pattern and it's special anti idiot pilot algorithm. This algorithm was specially designed to expect that the pilot of an enemy ship was a suicidal idiot with no self-preservation what so ever and thus would survive as luck always sided with fools.
anti-idiot algorithms... I love it  big grin

a few minor nitpicks:

 
Quote
what so ever
should be: whatsoever

 
Quote
miss the PE ship, he let go of the controls
full stop instead of comma

 
Quote
Unfortunately, Fry had not fasten himself to the pilot seat
had not fastened
Tokash

Crustacean
*
« Reply #2 on: 12-14-2005 11:17 »
« Last Edit on: 12-14-2005 11:17 »

It does need some grammatical and spelling work.  But it's sufficient to understand the sequences you're portraying.  There are good creative and humorous visuals; one I especially liked that made me chuckle out loud:
 
Quote
Originally posted by Corvus:
...a flight that ended when the delivery boys head made it's own painful delivery to the ship front window...
Brush up on the grammar and keep going with it.  Your idea has just begun to blossom.

fryismyhero

Bending Unit
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« Reply #3 on: 12-14-2005 23:49 »

Excellent!  Glad you posted.   big grin
Leo

Delivery Boy
**
« Reply #4 on: 12-15-2005 08:20 »

I liked it and I'm intrigued as to how Fry has found himself in this situation. You got me looking forward to the next part.
Corvus

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #5 on: 12-16-2005 07:08 »

@soylentOrange & Tokash, thanks for pointing out my bad grammar. My English teacher would use a ruler on my knuckles if she were to find out. Sorry for that.

@Fryismyhero, I'm glad that you're glad.  big grin

@Leo, glad you liked it, hope my next part will intrigue you even more.  smile
BenderNeedBooze

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #6 on: 12-16-2005 07:41 »

I rate it a  smile
Corvus

Bending Unit
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« Reply #7 on: 01-01-2006 08:15 »
« Last Edit on: 03-15-2006 00:00 »

Hi! Me again.   smile

Hope you all had a great New Year's Eve. I did.   big grin

I present to you; Part two. (Of my dubious fan fict.) I do hope my grammar is better this time. (Fingers crossed.)

I (yet again) thank FryIsMyHero for beta reading it.

Edit: Gone

"Finding your true love is like winning the lottery, it always happens to someone else."
say what now

Bending Unit
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« Reply #8 on: 01-02-2006 11:47 »

Aw, poor Fry.
I like so far! You've got a great style.
Corvus

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #9 on: 01-07-2006 09:15 »
« Last Edit on: 03-15-2006 00:00 »

Am I not busy as a beaver? Because here is yet another part of my fanfic.

Those of you who feel that this train wreck soon should be over can rest easy. There is only one more part after this one.

Before we begin, I wish thank FryIsMyHero for betaing. With that, enjoy.

Edit: Gone


------------------
"You don't know what quiet is until you lose all power on a space station."

David A. Wolf
Corvus

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #10 on: 01-11-2006 07:19 »
« Last Edit on: 03-15-2006 00:00 »

Ta-da! Here it is the final installment of my four part saga!   smile

For those who have enjoyed it, all good things must come to an end. For those who thought it was tripe, well, I'm sorry for wasting your time.

But don't think for a moment that it's the last fan fic from me.. oh no no no..   tongue Already working on my next.

So without further ado; Part four, and as always, credits to FryIsMyHero for taking her time to beta.

Edit: And Gone.

"Finding your true love is like winning the lottery, it always happens to someone else."
Arkan

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #11 on: 01-11-2006 15:07 »

Great update, although it's slightly depressing at the end.  frown Poor Fry. Is there gonna be an epilogue or something?
Corvus

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #12 on: 01-11-2006 18:09 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by arkan:
Is there gonna be an epilogue or something?

I'm afraid not. Hope I didn't disappoint you?

"Finding your true love is like winning the lottery, it always happens to someone else."
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #13 on: 01-11-2006 20:12 »

hey corvus.  i finally had a chance to read your fic today, nice job!  I like the ending even though its sad. 

I loved this: “Will ya quit sighing mon, ya disturbing my paperclip stacking!”
Corvus

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #14 on: 01-12-2006 17:37 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by soylentOrange:
i finally had a chance to read your fic today, nice job! I like the ending even though its sad.

Why, thank you. Always nice to hear that I'm doing a good job.  big grin

"Finding your true love is like winning the lottery, it always happens to someone else."
Arkan

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #15 on: 01-13-2006 11:52 »

Oh no you didn't disappoint me, it was good. I was just being over-optimistic  smile It was a sad ending, though. Although I really liked Hermes' line too.  big grin
Corvus

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #16 on: 01-20-2006 08:22 »
« Last Edit on: 03-16-2006 00:00 »

Edit: Gone.

"Finding your true love is like winning the lottery, it always happens to someone else."
Gopher

Fallback Guy
Space Pope
****
« Reply #17 on: 01-20-2006 12:41 »

I enjoyed your first story. My main comment is that you seem to have the opposite of my problem - my first story is all dialog, yours is all action  wink I guess that's a natural consequence of me writing in script-form and you writing in short-story form, though.

I'm not sure what to think about the prologue of the second one; so far there's not much to really comment on since it's basically a retelling of the begining of the story, but with a female fry. I'm currious to see where you're going though! Keep it up!
fryismyhero

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #18 on: 01-20-2006 23:33 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Corvus:
A quick bow of appreciation to FryIsMyHero who's invaluable comments and suggestions has helped to improve (I hope   tongue) my writing. And for taking her time to beta read what this talentless hack of a writer produces.

Talentless...bah!  Give yourself a little credit!

Glad I can be of some help, I just hope my internet doesn't crap out on me again and leave you waiting...
  big grin


Save the whales.  Collect the whole set.
Corvus

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #19 on: 01-21-2006 10:27 »

@Gopher, you're curious to see where I'm going with this? Well, you're not the only one!
I have no idea... just kidding. I have a very good idea as to where, I just have to get there. (Writing it I mean. smile)

@Fryismyhero, credit? But you do the hard part.. I just write it.  smile

 
Quote
Originally posted by Fryismyhero:
Glad I can be of some help, I just hope my internet doesn't crap out on me again and leave you waiting...

Some? You're a great help. And I didn't mind the waiting. Well worth it.

"Finding your true love is like winning the lottery, it always happens to someone else."
Arkan

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #20 on: 01-21-2006 13:27 »

Looks like a promising start, Corvus, and I'm interested. Like Gopher said, though, so far it's basically just a retelling of the story with a female Fry, so I'll wait until the next part before I make any more comments.
Corvus

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #21 on: 02-06-2006 10:23 »
« Last Edit on: 03-16-2006 00:00 »

Edit: And Gone.

"Finding your true love is like winning the lottery, it always happens to someone else."
Arkan

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #22 on: 02-06-2006 11:48 »

This is a really interesting story and I want to know what happens, so, write more! It's good!
 big grin

I always like stories where Fry gets captured or whatever. I'm so mean!  tongue
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #23 on: 02-06-2006 12:10 »

great job corvus!  I really liked the descriptiveness of it all.  It's almost like I'm actually there with the characters rather than reading a story about them.  The only nitpick I can come up with is that you left out a couple of words here and there.  Please keep it coming!
fryismyhero

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #24 on: 02-06-2006 16:44 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Corvus
There, chapter one all done. If anyone should have credit for this one it’s FryIsMyHero for  suffering through this crappy first chapter.

Yeah, it was a real drag reading through your sucky work.    tongue   tongue  NOT!  It was my pleasure...I really enjoy reading your stuff!


Save the whales.  Collect the whole set.
Corvus

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #25 on: 02-18-2006 07:32 »
« Last Edit on: 02-18-2006 07:32 »

@Arkan and Soylent, glad you liked it. Unfortunately I'll have to put the story on hold until further notice.

It's not that I don't know how to continue or how to end it. I have all that figured out. I just can't bring myself to write right now.   cry

 
Quote
Originally posted by fryismyhero:
Yeah, it was a real drag reading through your sucky work.   tongue   tongue NOT! It was my pleasure...I really enjoy reading your stuff!

For some reason, I found that hysterically funny.   tongue

edit: Awwwright! I'm a delivery boy!!  big grin

"Finding your true love is like winning the lottery, it always happens to someone else."
fryismyhero

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #26 on: 02-18-2006 17:46 »

 
Quote
corvus said...
Unfortunately I'll have to put the story on hold until further notice.
It's not that I don't know how to continue or how to end it. I have all that figured out. I just can't bring myself to write right now.

 frown frown frown hope you get your groove back soon buddy.
Arkan

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #27 on: 02-18-2006 19:13 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by fryismyhero:
   frown  frown  frown hope you get your groove back soon buddy.

Second. We can't afford to lose any more writers, dammit!

People said I was dumb, but I proved them!
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