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PEEL - The Futurama Message Board    Melllvar's Erotic Friend Fiction    Gaaa! Run! It's another blasted nOOb fanfic! « previous next »
Author Topic: Gaaa! Run! It's another blasted nOOb fanfic!  (Read 2168 times)
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Corvus

Bending Unit
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« Reply #120 on: 01-10-2007 17:01 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by fryismyhero:
  Bah.  You DO write good!
Perhaps but not as good as you do. For example when letting the characters portray their feelings like you did with Fry. Can't write that way.
 
Quote
Originally posted by fryismyhero:
 I'm eagerly awaiting your next update which by the way, when is??
*Glances at half finished and poorly written Chapter 3*

Um.. Sometime between now and never?

Sigh, don't have the time to work on it and when I do have the time I just stare at it while feebly entering a sentence here and there. Right now it's as exciting as wet paint.

I am hoping that I will finish it before the end of January. (Which is what I hoped for in November and December last year.)

I do have finished the first part of another fic. A Red Letter Day, which I posted a teaser for here. Just don't know where and if to post it right now.

"Finding your true love is like winning the lottery, it always happens to someone else."
fryismyhero

Bending Unit
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« Reply #121 on: 01-10-2007 17:28 »
« Last Edit on: 01-10-2007 17:28 »

coool.  I'm reading the teaser now   smile

Does anyone think my fic is getting sad and depressing?  I ask this because of this thread.  I apologise but said thread has really pissed me off.

*FIMH puts of her angry face*
Tastes Like Fry

Urban Legend
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« Reply #122 on: 01-10-2007 17:45 »

It's not getting sad and depressing, don't think she's criticising you, she hasn't been specific about which stories she's read. And who cares if it gets sad, it's about telling a great story is what, keeping your audience interested, and I must say I'm enjoying reading your story. <3
fryismyhero

Bending Unit
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« Reply #123 on: 01-10-2007 18:18 »

*FIMH takes off angry face*

Thanks Tasty  smile 

Mind you I was more pissed off about that thread dissing a number of really good writers here, not just me.  One of my pet hates is people who slam other people and not offer anything better themselves...
fryismyhero

Bending Unit
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« Reply #124 on: 01-11-2007 01:54 »
« Last Edit on: 01-11-2007 01:54 »

Small update time.  I've already re-written this bit a couple of times, so if anyone is reading this, I'd like some opinions for improvement    smile

         *         *         *


Captain Turanga Leela prided herself on being smarter than most people she knew.  She could solve complex mathematical problems without the use of a calculator.  She had a wider vocabulary than all her co-workers combined (although she stubbornly refused to admit that this was only because the professor regularly forgot which language was supposed to be the one of his birth).  And nobody could match her mental speed during intergalactic combat.  There was, however, one aspect of her brain that the purple-haired woman almost never used; her intuition. 

Leela had lived most of her life according to a motto she had heard once- being a survivor is all about intuition and heart; a good survivor can’t have either one.  She therefore believed that one’s intuition is at best, distracting, and at worst, dangerous.  Her intuition was kept safely locked away where it wouldn’t bother her.

Turanga Leela’s intuition was bothering her now, and it was making it difficult to concentrate of being angry at her friend’s unbelievable insult.

   “Hey, my pet died!”  Bender stopped laughing long enough to notice that Fry was not moving. 

Leela knelt down to feel the delivery boy’s pulse.  It was racing.  The nagging from her intuition was getting more distracting.  She had been trying to ignore the little niggling feeling, finding it much easier to simply be furious with him. 

        "Hmmm.  He's not dead, but he might be soon if we don't get help."  She felt his forehead.  He was starting to burn up.

   “HELLO?”  she looked up and yelled to whoever might be outside.  “WE NEED SOME HELP IN HERE!”  Her cry was lost down the deserted hallway.  The strong forcefields on the cell doors made escape impossible and prison guards therefore redundant.

Despite her fury at her red-headed friend’s behaviour in the past twenty four hours or so, that nagging feeling in the back of her mind just would not let up.  She gazed down at Fry’s slack face.

Very, very wrong, she thought frantically to herself, finally letting her pesky intuition win over the stubborn part of her mind.  She went to the door and yelled a second time.  Her only reply was the echo of her own voice flung back at her. 

   “Why isn’t this place guarded?  What sort of idiot would leave the entire brig of a military vessel completely unattended?”  Problem was, she knew exactly what sort of idiot would leave an entire prison deck unattended.  The sort of idiot who would throw innocent people in prison and then arrogantly assume that his second-in-command would worry about it.

His second in command.

   “That’s it!”  the captain exclaimed in sudden realization. 

   “That’s what?” asked Bender, looking up from where he was leaning over Fry in an attempt to turn him over and steal his wallet.

Leela didn’t reply.  She started tapping away on her Wrist Thingy ™ in desperate search of something she had almost completely forgotten was stored in there.


------
My pics are up at TLZ!  w00t!


Save the whales.  Collect the whole set.
Corvus

Bending Unit
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« Reply #125 on: 01-11-2007 07:24 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by fryismyhero: “Hey, my pet died!”

That's our Bender!
 
Quote
Originally posted by fryismyhero:
 “Why isn’t this place guarded? What sort of idiot would leave the entire brig of a military vessel completely unattended?”

Yes.. what sort of idiot indeed.
By the way, is that one of them.. whatcha call it.. rhetorical questions?   tongue

"Finding your true love is like winning the lottery, it always happens to someone else."
Dave B

Urban Legend
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« Reply #126 on: 01-11-2007 08:27 »

I think it has promise fryismyhero, well done, friendly comments/constructive critisizm from me would be that it is a bit slow to get to the action for me as on the show dramatic comedic actions happen relatively consistantly throughout, just needs a bit more 'life' but besides that I feel you have captured the characters personalities very well (the dancing was stretching it just a little...) and the story could advance into an amusing episode... Nice work  smile
power girl07

Bending Unit
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« Reply #127 on: 01-11-2007 14:58 »

Cool story, you should be a writer!
fryismyhero

Bending Unit
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« Reply #128 on: 01-11-2007 18:13 »

Thanks for the comments  smile

Dave, when you say it's a little slow, do you think the story on a whole is too long, or that I need to put more into it?  Always like constructive comments, so thanks  smile

Corvus- it was a rhetorical question, which just happened to have an answer in this situation LOL  big grin
*StarGirl*

Crustacean
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« Reply #129 on: 01-12-2007 02:16 »
« Last Edit on: 01-12-2007 02:16 »

OOOO, OOOOOOO!!! Keep writing it's getting really exciting now!!

anyone who laughs is a communist...

EDIT: Evil spelling bug got me
Writer unit32

Professor
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« Reply #130 on: 01-12-2007 02:53 »

Cool fic!I dont read theese much anymore,but I have read  the last chapters and I'm getting interested! :DI'll need to read the whole story sometime...
fryismyhero

Bending Unit
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« Reply #131 on: 01-12-2007 03:07 »

Next update when I write it, hopefully in the next couple of days.  big grin
Dave B

Urban Legend
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« Reply #132 on: 01-15-2007 19:30 »

Maybe a tad too long but what I meant was, with the content present, you could probably add a bit more action to make the episode consistantly funny (like a true Futurama episode).

Here's me preaching where you have come up with a good story and style, sorry if I sound to critical but I am just thinking up ways to make it even better!  wink

Brain: It appears we are in the presence of the fabled one, but without his Scooty-Puff Jr he cannot escape ha ha ha, huh!

Brain: A quantum-interphase bomb, are you insane in the membrane!?

Fry: You got it poindexter!

fryismyhero

Bending Unit
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« Reply #133 on: 01-15-2007 23:54 »

Criticize away- all advice and comments are greatly appreciated.

I'll add some more action- after reading through the whole thing I'm inclined to agree with you  smile
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
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« Reply #134 on: 01-16-2007 10:48 »
« Last Edit on: 01-16-2007 10:48 »

poor Fry.  He's done nothing on this whole mission except get beat up, fall into a series of comas, and lose control of himself to some as-yet-undisclosed evil force... I'm really liking where this story is going.  (Yeah, I'm still reading it; just doing more lurking than posting)  Anyway, great update! 
Dave B

Urban Legend
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« Reply #135 on: 01-16-2007 16:55 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by soylentOrange:
poor Fry.  He's done nothing ion this whole mission except get beat up, fall into a series of comas, and lose control of himself to some as-yet-undisclosed evil force...

Then this fan fiction is even more like the 'real' Futurama episodes, as Fry is getting abused quite consistantly like on the 'real' show where he is abused by being mutalated/dissected, hence my thread in Human Resources: http://www.peelified.com/cgi-bin/Futurama/11-001169-1/   smile


Brain: It appears we are in the presence of the fabled one, but without his Scooty-Puff Jr he cannot escape ha ha ha, huh!

Brain: A quantum-interphase bomb, are you insane in the membrane!?

Fry: You got it poindexter!

Decapodian

Liquid Emperor
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« Reply #136 on: 01-26-2007 00:29 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by soylentOrange:
poor Fry.  He's done nothing on this whole mission except get beat up, fall into a series of comas, and lose control of himself to some as-yet-undisclosed evil force... \ \ 

This 'force' might not be evil. All it's done is made him even more childish, even more stupid and even more fixated on Leela.

Maybe it's some kind of alien virus that makes all of your trademark mental features (such as childishness, stupidity and Leela-fixation) grow even more pronounced.

Kudos to anyone who can understand what I just said


Twilight is quite possibly the worst popular book ever written.
fryismyhero

Bending Unit
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« Reply #137 on: 01-28-2007 06:06 »

As for what is affecting Fry, I have not yet decided. Could be some sort of poisonous insect bite, a virus, whatever Zoidberg injected him with at the very start of the story or maybe his brain is just shutting down due to his excessive stupidness.  Whatever it is, I'll try very hard to make it as randomly crazy as possible.

Sorry no update yet- I've been commissioned to do some graphic design work that has been taking up a bit of time.  Fingers crossed that I get some time and inspiration this week  smile
Decapodian

Liquid Emperor
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« Reply #138 on: 01-31-2007 04:00 »

My God! I forgot about Zoidberg! Yes his medical incompetance could have led to Fry been injected with a strange alien virus...
Decapodian

Liquid Emperor
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« Reply #139 on: 03-15-2007 02:35 »

Hey? FIMH? You still here?
fryismyhero

Bending Unit
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« Reply #140 on: 06-17-2007 04:23 »

Sorry Decapodian, the evil university monkey came and captured me.  But it's ok now, I got paroled for a month or so :P

Don't ever study education.  Especially when it's a graduate course, you say goodbye to your life for 15 weeks or so and hope to God you don't end up in counselling by the end of it...

Now, fic.  Uh, yeah...nothing has been done on it, but maybe since I'll be bored for the next 4 weeks I'll drag it out and work on it a bit  wink
Decapodian

Liquid Emperor
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« Reply #141 on: 06-17-2007 05:45 »

Just write down the first thing that comes into your head. That's what I do with my posts.
say what now

Bending Unit
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« Reply #142 on: 06-25-2007 23:01 »

I like this story- it's pretty well-written and I'm interested to see where you're going to go with it  smile. I'll be waiting for the next update!
THM

Bending Unit
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« Reply #143 on: 10-22-2007 21:31 »

I concur; this is good stuff! More please!  smile

'Naked ladies, naked ladies, naked ladies, naked ladies!'

- Justice Snoop Dogg, Into the Wild Green Yonder
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