Gaaa! Run! It's another blasted nOOb fanfic!

[on:]

Hi all, I am Fryismyhero.  I also answer to 'hey you' and 'that bozo over there in the corner'.  Anyhoo, I have been working on this for a while, and it has admittedly been difficult as I was always a better short story writer than a long story writer *rolls eyes*

No name yet, however I do have the plot set out somewhere in the depths of my computer drive...

I am still finding my writing style in this fic, it's sorta comedic and dramatic.  And shippy.  I like shippy as much as the next person     

Many thanks to Venus for giving me the guts to actually post this     

Without further ado, here is the first bit of my as yet untitled fic...

            *        *        *

Disclaimer:  I don’t own Futurama or its characters.  Futurama and its characters created and owned by Matt Groening.  This fiction is for entertainment purposes only.  Or not, as the case may be…

Futurama proudly brought to you by…

EMMETT’S CUTIE MUFFIN DOLLS!
Now with more killing power!

Opening credits:  It’s not paranoia; we really ARE out to get you

           *        *        *

“Oh Calculon, I love you so, but I have a terrible secret which could tear us apart, forever!  You see I-“  The TV suddenly cut out, leaving that annoying image and buzzing sound.  You know the one, the one where it looks as though the black ants are fighting with the white ants and they’re all buzzing really loudly…oh, never mind.  Its two viewers, one metallic and one flabby, slumped into the couch and raised a collective grumble.

“Hey, what gives??” Bender complained.

It was another average day in the cutthroat world of intergalactic package delivery.  Turanga Leela, captain of the Planet Express Ship, stood in front of him, holding the plug for the cable connection in her left hand, glaring balefully at the lazy robot and his equally lazy best friend.

“Yeah Leela, we were watching that!”  whined the doughy, red-headed Fry.  “Monique was just about to reveal to Calculon that she is secretly actually his evil half brother’s mother’s sister’s husband…or something…” he trailed off, having sufficiently confused himself.

Leela’s glare hardened.  “Fry, it’s already 10:30 and we have to clean up the ship.  All that soft drink you spilled in the mess during our last delivery is starting to erode the flooring!”

Fry groaned inwardly as he got up from the couch, avoiding Leela’s disapproving glare.  He left the room muttering and exited into the hangar. 

   “Ha!  See ya, meatbag!”  Bender called out triumphantly towards Fry’s retreating form.  He turned back to the TV.  “More couch for Bender!” he said smugly to himself.

   “You too, Bender.”  Leela was positively glowering.

“Good news everyone!” The decrepit owner of the Planet Express delivery company, Professor Farnsworth, cried out just as Bender was grudgingly getting to his feet.  “You’re to deliver a package to the largely uninhabited planet of Amazon 6.  Some say it’s a dangerous world, full of bats and bugs and big poisonous plants.  Anyhoo, off you go!”  He was gone before Leela could open her mouth to protest.

“Hang on, if it’s uninhabited, then who the hell are we supposed to deliver the package to?” asked Bender, slightly bemused.

            *        *        *

Inside the building’s giant hangar sat the green hulking form of the Planet Express ship, half bathed in the morning light filtering through the windows.  Although Fry had been greeted with the sight every weekday morning since he awoke in the year 3000 and took the exalted position of company Delivery Boy, he never failed to be utterly awed by it.  The ship was something right out of his boyhood dreams, come to life by the twist of fate that had landed him in a cryogenics tube for 1000 years.

As he approached the ship he noticed a small bucket underneath its body, overflowing with a suspicious Slurm-coloured liquid.  Fry made a mental note not to drink so much of the evidently corrosive soft drink in the future and made his way into the ship interior.

Fry got down on his hands and knees in the ship’s mess hall, doing his best ‘Sadie the cleaning lady’ impersonation.  Every few minutes he paused and took a sip from a can of Slurm he had positioned beside himself. 

“Stupid Leela,” he muttered as he worked on a particularly large sticky, rusting stain.  “Tell me what to do…sounds just that annoying housewife with the big hair and the bad dress sense and the whiny voice from that TV show I used to watch when I was a kid…what was it?  Oh yeah that’s right, the Nanny!”  After a while he stood up, tossed the scrubbing brush to one side and stretched his back. 

“Ugh, this is so BORING.  I need music.”  He turned to a panel on the wall and turned a dial.  Suddenly “I see you Baby” came blasting out from some unknown speaker.  You know the one, shakin’ that ass…

Fry grabbed a hitherto unnoticed mop and started dancing around with it, singing along to the music at the top of his lungs, bopping along and shaking his thang.  “I SEE YOU BABY, SHAKIN THAT ASS!  WOOOO!!”  He yelled.

It was about this point that Bender and Leela walked into the ship’s mess hall and stopped dead, staring at the delivery boy.  Leela couldn’t help but stifle a giggle at the sight of Fry dancing and shaking his ass.  Bender rolled his eyes and exited the room, muttering something about weird skintube rituals.

   “Uh...Fry….Fry…FRY!”  Leela strode to the wall panel and switched the music off.  Fry, caught in mid-boogie, dropped the mop in a panic and frantically searched around for his scrubbing brush.  “Uhhh…just finishing the scrubbing, captain, sir…I mean ma’am…I mean…uh…” he flung himself to the ground and scrubbed in a frenzy, occasionally looking up toward Leela with an uneasy smile, desperately looking for approval.  Leela hid her smile and stated in a matter-of-fact tone that they were about to leave on a delivery.

   “Amazon 6?  Isn’t that the planet with all the big scary chicks who wanted to snu snu me to death?”  Fry asked in bewilderment.  “Uhh…I’m not sure I wanna go back there…or do I…” he smiled seductively to himself.

   “Fry you moron, that was Amazonia.  This is Amazon 6.  It’s a heavily forested, uninhabited planet full of dangerous creatures.  Now go see Zoidberg and so he can inoculate you against any diseases we may pick up while we’re there.”  The Cyclops put a hand on her hip and pointed to the door.

             *        *        *

More to come soon... comments are very much appreciated!

[Reply #1 on:]

 

Originally posted by fryismyhero:
I like shippy as much as the next person     

Hi.
I'm SpaceCase.
I'm the next person, and NO YOU DON'T!  I kid, I kid.

I'm in the process of reading your fic, but I wanted to get that 'next person' gag in...

<*Silence*>

Okay, I'll just ooze back out under the door now...

[Reply #2 on:]

Enjoyable! I'll have more to say once the meat of the plot kicks in and the Shippy starts.

[Reply #3 on:]

Am writing bits leading up to shippy bits right now...

I must admit that the latest bits are better than the first few pages, so it'll get better once I post the bits I'm working on at the moment(I hope)

[Reply #4 on:]

You know, if people don't stop putting "noob" or "newbie" or...um, "nubile"...in their thread titles, I think I am going to kick my dog.  Actually, "nubile" wouldn't be that bad.  It would be better than "new bile" at any rate.

The point is, it looks pretty good so far.  The only thing I'm up in the air about is the Married With Children reference.

[Reply #5 on:]

that's really good fryismyhero.  There are a couple of spots that seem a bit rough around the edges, but it shows some real promise.  I'm looking forward to seeing where you go with this!

[Reply #6 on:]

As S.O. and I have learned, it's best to get a beta reader to go over your stories before you post them.  Little things like spelling errors, tense changes or repetative phrases can damage a good story.  I've lucked out ang got the BEST beta around (she earns her beta-bucks making my stories readable).  Almost all fic writers use beta's (I think that Venus uses the same Beta that I use).  Just ask around and somebody will volunteer.

It's nice to see the new people coming on board - not bad for a show that has had no new eps for over 2 years.

[Reply #7 on:]

also, posting spelling errors and grammar mistakes is like poking a beehive with a stick.  It's sometimes fun to watch the reaction, but the usually sweet and harmless bees/PEELers will soon be swarming after your blood... 
 

[Reply #8 on:]

I didn't have any spelling/grammar errors did I?  I'm a bit obsessive about that...

@DrT:  I regretted posting the topic title as soon as I posted it.  Then I realised I'm stuck with it...

Thanks for the comments, I've been working on this for about 2 months, ever since I started reading all the epic fanfics on this board...and yeah the MWC reference needs a bit of work.  Was the best I would come up with while I was still snowed under with schoolwork.

Is there someone who would like to beta for me? Someone who can put up with my crazy Aussie spelling of words like colour and centre? Pretty pretty please with sugar on top? 

*smiles sweetly and bats eyelids*

[Reply #9 on:]

I'd be willing to beta for you if you'd like.  Aussie spelling doesnt bother me 

[Reply #10 on:]

It's a very nice start. Now about the Married with Children and The Nanny refrence, The Nanny was a 90's show. It ended in 99 and obviously Fry wasn't a kid. Sorry to be so specific about it but that bugged me. Otherwise I was very pleased. Good job.

[Reply #11 on:]

i actually didn't get the Married with Children refrence. I thought it was a Roseanne refrence. I guess it goes to show how many shows there are about annoying housewives.

[Reply #12 on:]

Roseanne is awesome. And I like Married with Children and I'll watch the Nanny if nothing else is on. I like sitcoms. And I like to ramble on and on.

[Reply #13 on:]

Bah!  I'd never judge a fanfic by its thread's title.  Take JBERGES' thread: mediocrity has never been so awesome.

[Reply #14 on:]

You've got me. I'm not much of a poster, except when it comes to soylentO's fic, but I just gotta say: you've already got me.

[Reply #15 on:]

Gawd...i didn't think about Roseanne!  So many annoying housewives with bad dress sense...and yeah the time frame is off.  Lets just say the joke wasn't as good as I imagined it was...I'll remove it for the final version *embarrassed grin* I'm only funny when I'm not trying to be funny 

Thanks SO, I'll definitely take you up on that offer!  Can I send you an email in the next couole of days?

@DrT: You're dead right.  I think JBERGES' fic was the first one I read!

@everyone: Thankyou for the comments, they are very much appreciated.  I've not done much creative writing since high school so it's nice to know I don't completely suck   

[Reply #16 on:]

sure thing.  Use the email address that's in my PEEL profile 

[Reply #17 on:]

 

Originally posted by fryismyhero:
Is there someone who would like to beta for me? Someone who can put up with my crazy Aussie spelling of words like colour and centre? Pretty pretty please with sugar on top? 

*smiles sweetly and bats eyelids*

• Australian spelling? Shouldn't be a problem.
  Is that like Australian rules football? 
• Manners work, but;
• I'm on a low-sugar diet. 
• Smiling sweetly and batting your eyelids? 
  That doesn't work on me, honey.
  Now, eyelashes, maybe...  

With that out of the way;

Hmm, I repeat, hmm... tempting...

Feel free to e-mail me. You'll find my addy' in my profile.

[Reply #18 on:]

Thanks SpaceCase and SO...I feel popular      I might do a rigorous edit tonight and send what I have to you, as I will be away from the computer for a while in a couple of days...

Must admit I'm not a huge fan of Aussie rules football...

[Reply #19 on:]

 

Originally posted by fryismyhero:

Thanks SpaceCase and SO...I feel popular

I've met several 'interesting' people over my six months as a member of PEEL, but I have to publicly state that Spacecase has become my favorite e-mail buddy.  She's a great person and excellent Beta - anybody that can correct my horrible spelling errors and tense changes and not give up on me has to be special (but not Fry-type 'special').

Enjoy the new friends that you will make here at PEEL.

[Reply #20 on:]

 

Originally posted by Ralph Snart:... I have to publicly state that Spacecase has become my favorite e-mail buddy.  She's a great person and excellent Beta...

Geeze, that sounds like a reference. 

>.< I really gotta' work on that  blush reflex...
 

... anybody that can correct my horrible spelling errors and tense changes and not give up on me has to be special (but not Fry-type 'special').

Ralphie, Ralphie, Ralphie... There you go again. Don't do that! You're a better writer than you give yourself credit for.

You are a good writer!

Learn it!

LOVE IT!

LIVE IT!

<SC dials thermostat down a thousand Kelvin>

Enjoy the new friends that you will make here at PEEL.

@ Fryismyhero: Listen to the man!
 

[Reply #21 on:]

Howdy anyone,

I'm working on part 2 (I decided to add in a new scene and it is taking longer than I had originally expected), it should be done soon.

In the meantime, because I'm in such a jovial mood, here is Fry being sucked into a black hole.

[Reply #22 on:]

So I take it you're not procrastinating anymore? 

Ohh.. Fry being sucked into a black hole.. well that.. um.. sucks? 

Seriously, that's some great art! Love it!

[Reply #23 on:]

 

Originally posted by fryismyhero:In the meantime, because I'm in such a jovial mood, here is Fry being sucked into a black hole.

Very good. I'm liking the story as well.  The mop bit rocked (I could sooo see Fry shaking his ass). 

btw, your ironic use of "jovial" in regards to your art was surprisingly apt - Jove, or Jupiter, is the planet of "expansion" in astrology, and since black holes compress and constrict, "jovial" describes an action not just emotionally opposite to the mood the of picture but actually physically opposite to the action.  Thus your ironic statement has an amazingly perfect symmetry on several levels.  Kudos.

(Yes, I AM a big nerd.  See you in the Libary for the Book Club meeting, it's the Big Brain's turn to get the donuts.    )

[Reply #24 on:]

^^
That's amazing- I'd like to say I used the word on purpose but I didn't realise it had a second meaning...

Glad you both like the pic...I had fun with it *grins evilly*

Oh, and tell the big brain that I want CREAM filled donuts this time, not those crappy jam ones.  I mean, geez!
------------------
I'm not anti-social, people just piss me off!

[Reply #25 on:]

@ Fryismyhero: Very nice, I was lughing my ass of while Fry was shaking his! I can also picture him doing that... Keep it coming. The second fanfic (*ahem* well, if you don't count SoylentO's Xmas one) I've read, and it's a definite read! You've hooked me!    Also, awesome picture, but I must beat you with a stick for killing him with a black hole...

[Reply #26 on:]

It's very good.I can't wait to read more.

[Reply #27 on:]

Benders_Fan, you always seem to find me where ever I happen to post...  *continues beating Fryismyhreo with stick*

[Reply #28 on:]

Yah I never really noticed that,but your right whenever you post I usually post something right after.That's weird. 

[Reply #29 on:]

Oh..your making me mad. You must get the next part done soon. I love reading fanfics!

[Reply #30 on:]

Ow!  That stick has a sharp end on it zoidy!

@NSL: I'm getting there, it just has to be perfect before I post it.  (and get esso to beta it of course  )

[Reply #31 on:]

Come on...I'm still waiting!! I'm getting shivers down my spine.

[Reply #32 on:]

To anybody still reading this...here is part 2.  Many thanks go to esso and corvus for beta-ing this (albeit about a month apart  )

-----
Leela sat at the ship’s controls and ran a pre-flight check.  Bender sat in Fry’s seat, put his feet on the dashboard and took a beer out of his chest compartment.  After a few minutes Fry entered, rubbing his backside and grumbling about that damn lobster being a quack. 

   “Some wonderful doctor…he injected me with a syringe full of botox!”

   “Oh well…at least your ass will be taut and wrinkle free.”  Bender turned around as Fry entered.  “Wanna have a drinking contest while we’re flying to Amazon 6?”

Leela glared at Fry, who looked as though the prospect of a drinking contest was rather appealing.  “NO drinking contests.  I need you sober to deliver the package.”

   “Aww….”

   “And Bender, don’t you encourage him!  Now go and check that the cargo hold is secure so we can take off.”

Both Fry and Bender left the bridge grumbling.  Leela, rolling her eye, turned back to the controls and continued the pre-flight check.

         *         *         *

   “Geez Fry, old Eyeball’s been riding our asses pretty hard lately.  Is it that time of the month already?”  Bender yelled out from across the cargo hold.  As usual, Fry was doing all the work while Bender leaned up against the wall and drank beer.  Fry, struggling to get the door of the hold shut, did not dignify the comment with an answer.  He noticed a wrench wedged in the door tracks and began attempting to pull it out. 

“Whatza matter Fry, don’t you agree?”  When yet again he received no answer, Bender changed his tactics.  “Don’t tell me you’re STILL hung up on her!  You meatbags are all the same, with all that sissy emotion and stuff.  What you need is a good hookerbot and some hard liquor.  Always works for me!”

Bender, giggling to himself, was forced to duck as a flying wrench narrowly missed his head.

         *         *         *

Beyond the window, space was still as magical as it was the first time Fry had viewed it from his navigator’s chair.  He gazed at the endless blackness, eyes wide with childish delight.  Leela had indulged him as always, allowing him to do a countdown before takeoff.  He always enjoyed the takeoff; the feeling of power that accelerating to unthinkable speeds gave him.  That familiar thrill had been enough to make him forget about his earlier irritation at his crewmates. He settled back into his chair and continued gazing out the window.

A plaintive rumble roused the redhead from his reverie.  He looked around the bridge suspiciously, casting accusing glances at first Leela, then Bender.  Then he realised the noise had actually come from him.  Or specifically, his belly.

   “Leela, can we stop at Fishy Joe’s for lunch?” his voice was almost as plaintive as his stomach.

The captain looked up from the copy of Nosy Gossip magazine she had been reading.  “Fry, we just passed into the wilderness quadrant.  We’ll be lucky to find even a Kentucky Fried Amoeba out here.  Why don’t you go see what’s in the refrigerator?”

Before Fry could rouse himself from his navigator’s chair, Bender jumped up from the lounge, pulling out his chef’s hat from his chest compartment.  The once pristine white hat had been through a lot; it was stained and burnt through in places.  It smelled distinctly like cooked rat.  Grinning excitedly, the robot looked like a sad parody of his idol, the Neptunian TV chef Elzar.

   “Never fear pathetic gristleballs, for I shall cook you up a meal fit for a king!”  Never one to miss the opportunity to exercise his cooking skills, Bender pranced off the bridge and out the door.  Fry and Leela sank lower into their seats, cringing at the prospect of a Bender-made meal.

Ten minutes later the robot re-emerged amid a wafting smell of mushrooms and burnt meat.  “All I could find in the pantry was a bottle of Tabasco sauce and a can of tinned mushrooms, but don’t worry, I mixed in some cockroaches I found under the sink.  Enjoy!”  He thrusted a plate of stinking greyish mush into the reluctant hands of his co-workers.

   “Uh, I think I might go eat this in my room,” Fry mumbled his excuse and exited as swiftly as was possible before his face turned totally green, leaving a scowling Leela in his wake, unable to make an excuse of her own lest the ‘master chef’ become suspicious.
 
Fry deposited his meal in the food bowl belonging to Leela’s mystery alien pet before retreating to the relative safety of his room.   Nibbler sniffed the mush appreciatively and devoured it in one mouthful.  Tabasco sauce, however, as too strong even for the iron stomach of the small three-eyed beast.  Squealing and chattering incomprehensibly, Nibbler dashed onto the bridge and sought refuge beside his owner.
 


------------------
I'm not anti-social, people just piss me off!     

[Reply #33 on:]

YAY! Finally! YAY! Just read it and like it even better than the first part! This is gonna end up great, my friend!
P.S: I also liked how you didn't use redhead so much...

                Five/five smileys from me!

[Reply #34 on:]

that was really good.  more please!

[Reply #35 on:]

Thanks guys 

hey esso, I sent you a couple of emails a few days ago.  Did you get them?

[Reply #36 on:]

huh-wha?  *runs off to check email*.  Oops, yeah I got them.  Sorry it took me this long to respond, Ive been absorbed in my own little world :-)

[Reply #37 on:]

hehehe it's all good    Nothing wrong with being in ones own world- it's often more fun.

And for something different, here's Fry and Leela on a planet.  As you do.

[Reply #38 on:]

That was a great part!  I hope there's more coming soon!

[Reply #39 on:]

Yep, more coming soon, I have a plot hole to iron out first though...