Futurama   Planet Express Employee Lounge
The Futurama Message Board

Design and Support by Can't get enough Futurama
Help Search Futurama chat Login Register

PEEL - The Futurama Message Board    Melllvar's Erotic Friend Fiction    a noob's first attempt at literature « previous next »
Author Topic: a noob's first attempt at literature  (Read 10810 times)
Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 5 ... 18 Print
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #40 on: 10-07-2005 12:29 »

ugh the ear thing comes back to bite me in the ass...  I originally had something in there about Bender turning down his volume control, but I decided it was worded badly at the last minute.  I was hoping I could be lazy and just get rid of it without anyone noticing.  Doh!
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #41 on: 10-07-2005 19:22 »
« Last Edit on: 10-07-2005 19:22 »

I didn't notice the wording, but I assumed Zoidberg and Bender reacted as well.

Also, another good update.
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #42 on: 10-07-2005 23:57 »
« Last Edit on: 10-07-2005 23:57 »

ive been re-reading my fic and I cant decide if I like where it has gone.  It gets kinda, well, cliche.  What do you guys think?  Tell me if my fic reaches 'gag me with a spoon' intensity k?

oh and also, no update for a couple days.  I went home to visit my folks and I didnt bring my drafts with me.  Doh!
Leo

Delivery Boy
**
« Reply #43 on: 10-08-2005 19:43 »

'Sup man. Tantilising update.

In response to your thoughts about your fic being cliche, I think that it's important to remember that although Futurama does parody many sci-fi shows, it is totally original in it's own right.

IMO, the best fics tell a story based in the Futurama world as if it is reality. The odd nod to another sci-fi world is always appreciated, but it shouldn't take a front seat to character and plot development. Pure parody, like JBERGES Futurama-Hitch-hiker's Guide is hilarious, but it's purpose is not to tell an original story, which is what it sounds like you want to do.

There's a million fine looking women in the world dude, but they don't all bring you lasagne at work. Most of them just cheat on you.
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #44 on: 10-10-2005 10:06 »

thanks Leo, you've really helped me iron out some issues.  Anywho, here's the next update.  Ive decided to go with my original idea and stop trying so hard to force extra bits of futurama universe into the mix. 

Part 2
Chapter 3

Fry thought about all that had happened in the past four days from his perch in the laser turret with his chin in his hands.  The Snark transited the smaller of the binary star system’s members as he watched.  For a moment the white spark was hidden in the glare of the star.    Leela had not been able to get a transmission through to Earth since the communications blackout had been discovered.  It had been decided that the Planet Express ship would stay on course and keep the same speed so as to not alarm their pursuers.  Leela no longer thought it was likely that the vessel that was following them was indifferent.  She hoped that by keeping constant course and speed that the Planet Express crew could get closer to their destination without forcing the Snark’s hand..  If Leela could get the PE ship within a dozen or so parsecs of a populated star system she could make a break for it.  The professor’s ship had engines that could outrun almost anything, but only over short distances.

Fry had not been satisfied with the solution.  There were too many ‘iffs’ in it.  Everything would work out ok IF the Planet Express ship could get close enough to an inhabited planet, and IF the Snark didn’t attack them and IF they could outrun their pursuers.  The delivery boy new that there wasn’t really much of a choice.  They couldn’t run and they couldn’t attack without provocation, and, he reminded himself, whatever was behind them could probably beat them in a fight anyway.  Still, waiting felt too much like not doing anything.

Sitting in the bubble dome staring into space was just making Fry feel worse.  There just simply wasn’t anything that he could do, and he knew it.  The delivery boy got up with a sigh, banging his head on the low ceiling in the process.  He slid down the ladder and headed for his bunk.  Maybe some sleep would help clear his mind.

Fry awoke to the sound of klaxons.  Either Bender had burned something in the microwave and set off the alarm again or they were under attack.  It was the latter.  The delivery boy rushed onto the bridge.  The rest of the crew was already there, and they were all staring out the front window.  One star, a red supergiant by the looks of it, dominated the view.  It took Fry a moment to discern what everyone was looking at, but at last he spotted the swarm of tiny motes emerging from the star’s limb.  A small fleet of vessels had been hiding behind the star, waiting for the PE ship to blunder into their trap.  The vessel that had been stalking Fry and his friends for so long had been a threat after all.  Its job had been to monitor the PE ship until it could be sure of its course.  Then it had radioed ahead to its cohorts, who had picked a suitable star system along the flight path and lain in ambush. 

There wasn’t anything that could be done.  Leela throttled back the engines and waited for some sort of communication from her adversary.  The Planet Express ship might be able to fend off one of these attackers, but the three dozen blips that appeared on radar represented more than could be dealt with.

The cyclops did not have long to wait.  The vidphone switched on with a click.  The head and shoulders of a caucasian human male appeared on the screen. 

“My name is Ivan”, said the man.  A jagged looking scar ran down the left side of his face.  It moved as he spoke.

“You are carrying a cargo that greatly interests me.  You are surrounded and outgunned. If you power down your ship and surrender the cargo to me I will let you live.”

The Planet Express crewmembers looked at each other.  Ivan was talking about the professor’s doomsday devices of course.  Suddenly the thoughts of what could happen if such things were to fall into the wrong hands raced through their minds.

Leela made a decision and she made it fast.  Any man that would surround a civilian vessel and demand it hand over its cargo on pain of death could NOT be allowed to get his hands on the professor’s stash. 

“Understood Ivan, we are preparing to surrender.  We will power down the ship and await further instructions.”  Replied Leela as sincerely as possible.

The cyclops captain switched off the monitor before Ivan could respond.  Fry started to say something, but Leela cut him off.

“Alright people, this is what is going to happen.  Amy and Bender, I want you to man the torpedo tubes.  Fry, you go man the turret.  Keep it powered down until I give the signal.  Zoidberg…  “ 

Zoidberg began to jump up and down and clap his hands.  “Hurray, I’m helping!”

 “…  get out of everybody’s way,” Leela continued.

 “Aww…”  The lobster sighed.

The bridge became a swirl of motion as everyone hurried to do their part.  Zoidberg followed them mournfully out the door.

Leela got ready.  Her plan was to let the attackers that had surrounded her ship close in.  When they had gotten near enough Leela would spring a little trap of her own.  The neon-cadmium laser would be a most devastating weapon if the attackers got within a few miles of it, and Fry would be able to take several of the out before…  well best not to think about that last part. 


Once again Fry found himself in the laser turret, only this time there was more than a distant point of light to greet his eyes.   Fry could see the enemy ships clearly now.  Each ship was vaguely reminiscent of a grey stingray, with a large bulbous bridge riding at the bow.  Two vertical stabilizers extruded from a long barb that served as a tail.  Two barrels protruded from the leading edges of each wing.  The delivery boy could just barely make out human figures aboard the vessel if he squinted hard enough. 

Leela’s face appeared on the monitor by his left hand.  “Fry, I’m going to power up the dark matter reactors in 30 seconds.  The people on those ships will be able to see you as soon as the lights come on in the turret.  Start shooting as soon as you have power.” Said the captain.  Leela was trying as hard as she could to mask the tension she felt, but Fry had known his cyclops captain for long enough to recognize that, under the cool exterior, Leela was just as terrified as he was.  That was comforting in a strange sort of way.  It is easier to deal with a difficult situation when you know that someone else is as scared as you are.

“I understand”, Fry whispered.  “Leela, if we don’t get through this, I… I just want you to know….”

“Its alright Fry, I know”  Leela smiled.

The lights came on.  The Planet Express ship hurtled forward and down, hoping to through its adversaries of balance.  A pulsing throb filled the turret, and Fry put his hands around the joystick. He fired.

The first ship exploded in a burst of radioactive sleet, and cheers rang through the PE ship.  It did not take long for the enemy fleet to recover.  The stingray vessels began to back away from their suddenly ferocious prey.  If they could get far enough, Fry’s weapon would have little affect on them and they could shoot down their prey at their leisure.  Leela did not intend to let that happen.

Bolts of death crisscrossed the void, coming dangerously close to hitting their mark.  A grey form appeared in Leela’s view.  She rolled to port, narrowly avoiding a collision.  As the stingray passed underneath her ship Leela rolled 180 degrees, bringing the laser to bear.  The blip of light on her radar representing the enemy ship fizzled and went out.  Fry was doing well.

It was all Fry could do to keep breathing.  The sky tilted crazily overhead as Leela pulled the ship through complicated evasive maneuvers.  Red tracer fire and newly formed nebulae lit up the battlefield.  If he had not been fighting for his life Fry would have been impressed by the beauty of it all.  The green PE ship shuddered under him.  It had taken a glancing hit.  A black streak ran its way down one green flank.  If a shot like that were to intersect with the turret bubble…  Fry kept firing.

Ship after ship gave up its crew to the cold vacuum of space.  The commander of the  stingray fleet had not counted on the tenacity of this tiny little mote that had dared to resist him.  He ordered his remaining ships to break off and withdraw at full speed.  His opponent had been aggressively engaging his ships in order to keep them close.  It was time to put a stop to that.

Leela couldn’t keep up the attack any longer.  Her ship had sustained damage and could no longer keep up with her assailants.  The engines began to sputter and then finally died with a mournful ‘whump’.  The once proud spaceship was now nothing more than a projectile obeying Newton’s first law, an object in motion stays in motion.  Leela watched helplessly as her enemy passed beyond her range.  They had never really had a chance, but now the proof of that fact was laughing in her face.  Still, they had done rather well.  She had seen at least nine separate fireballs light up the sky.  Through the front window she could see the remains of one of her foes, its scorched carcass still venting fuel forlornly into space.  Leela shook her head to clear it.  There was still one thing left to do.  Leela’s plan was about to enter its final stage.

Fry felt the engines cut out.  The Planet Express ship began to drift through space.  Leela’s face again appeared on the monitor, but did not show the signs of defeat that the deliver boy had expected.  “Fry, come on down to the bridge.  You’ve done everything that you can from up there.”

_____________________________ _____________________________ ______________

Fry, Leela, and Zoidberg stood on the bridge and watched the two ships approach.  This time there was no escape.  The dark matter reactor had detected a coolant leak and shut itself down.  Without power the laser was useless and ship could go nowhere.  The attackers came on slowly, and with weapons bared.  They had been fooled once and were not about to let it happen again.  The first ship took up station a few hundred yards in front of the bow.  The second one moved toward the stern.  Leela sighed.  She had hoped to get rid of both opponents.  One would have to do. 

The cyclops activated the vidphone one more time.  “Bender, can you hear me?”  she asked.   Bender’s face appeared on the screen.  He gave his captain a thumbs up.  “Ok then.  Do it.”  “You got it, chump”  came the answer.  Leela looked at her friends and gave them a wink.  “You might want to put on your seatbelts.”

A port in the Planet Express Ship’s green underbelly slid open.  Bender pushed the long cylindrical object out the hole and watched it sail away from him.  Once he was certain it was headed in the right direction he closed the port and knocked on the hatch in front of him.  The hatch slid open.  Bender nodded at Amy and the two of them braced themselves as best they could.

Leela had come to the decision that the stingray ships were too maneuverable to be taken in by one of the PE ship’s outdated torpedoes, so she had held them in reserve, counting on her enemies equating a powerless ship with a defenseless one.  A torpedo could not be fired without power for a simple reason.  There were two doors in the torpedo tube.  One door would close when a torpedo was loaded into the tube, and then the other would open a short time later.  This served to keep the ship pressurized during the process.  The first door could be opened manually, but to open the second one would spell certain death to anyone that required an atmosphere to live.  Bender however, did not fit into that category.

While the laser battle had been going on about them, Amy and Bender had been loading the tube per Leela’s instructions.  When they had finally wrestled the blunt weapon into its place Bender had crawled into the tube with it. And Amy has shut the inner door.  Then they had waited.

The torpedo floated through space for what seemed an eternity.  Bender had aimed well.  The deadly projectile would pass too far beneath the enemy ship’s bridge to be spotted visually, and no other windows adorned the hull.  The other enemy ship’s view was blocked by the hull of the Planet Express Ship itself.  Since the torpedo was small and powered-down it would not be picked up by any save the most powerful sensors.  The Planet Express crew, however, could plainly see the weapon glide toward its hapless target. 

The stingray was caught completely off guard.  The torpedo’s sensors registered the collision with its target.  The change in momentum was deemed enough.

The Planet Express Ship’s cabin lit up with the birth of a ferocious new star.  A chain reaction tore through the enemy vessel as the shockwave from the torpedo’s fusion warhead passed through the ship’s delicate innards.  Small gouts of flame escaped from the hull like living things.  The bridge lost its pressure in a flash.  Shards of glass, furniture, electronics, and biological remnants rushed into the waiting vacuum.  The doomed ship shuddered one last time and finally succumbed to its fate.  It’s existence ended in a massive fireball, which suddenly vanished into blackness, deprived of its oxygen.  All of this had taken less than five seconds, and had been completely silent.

The shockwave triggered by the stingray’s explosion hit before Fry and his companions could even register their victory.   The bow of the Planet Express ship was flung sideways in a manner that a blernsball would be familiar with after recently coming into contact with a bat.  Leela had just enough time to worry that the torque would rip the ship apart before she lost consciousness.
Ralph Snart

Agent Provocateur
Near Death Star Inhabitant
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #45 on: 10-10-2005 12:12 »

The votes are coming in...
The referees are watching the instant replay...
Here's the slo-mo...

ANOTHER WINNER!

You're doing great kid.  You seem to be able to end each part with a cliffhanger - you assure that your audience will return.

(Best Zapp voice)

BRAY-VO!

Okay you cunts, let's see what you can do now.
Arkan

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #46 on: 10-10-2005 12:26 »

Great update soylentOrange. Nice description and you kept the tension going well.

Just a couple of little nitpicks, like you put 'new' instead of 'knew', but apart from that, everything was fine!  smile
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #47 on: 10-10-2005 13:43 »

This is awesome!
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #48 on: 10-10-2005 14:29 »

This has all the makings of a great fanfic, soy.  I really enjoyed the way you wrote the battle scene.  You managed to balance high levels of tension and action very well.

Ivan apparently isn't much of a stratagist, but it's too early to tell for sure.  I look forward to seeing more of this fic.
Leo

Delivery Boy
**
« Reply #49 on: 10-10-2005 14:30 »
« Last Edit on: 10-10-2005 14:30 »

Hey, glad I could help.

I like the way that your style is different to other writers on PEEL. With other fics that I've read, the best ones feel as if you're watching a real episode of Futurama. With yours though, it almost feels like you are actually there, witnessing the events unfold. Your style makes the story jump from the page and engulfs the reader in it. This is a great example:

         
Quote
The Planet Express Ship’s cabin lit up with the birth of a ferocious new star. A chain reaction tore through the enemy vessel as the shockwave from the torpedo’s fusion warhead passed through the ship’s delicate innards. Small gouts of flame escaped from the hull like living things.

Some could call it needless over-descriptiveness (like that word), but, for me at least, it's how I like my fiction: kinda Tolkien-esque (i.e. great, focused attention to detail).

I really couldn't say if I prefer your style to others, as Futurama isn't meant to be like 'The Lord of the Rings' or 'The Silmarillion', but it's great to have variation. It would be pretty boring if all styles were similar.

On a completely different tangent - what timezone does PEEL operate on?

There's a million fine looking women in the world dude, but they don't all bring you lasagne at work. Most of them just cheat on you.
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #50 on: 10-10-2005 15:05 »

Eastern Standard ( East Coast United States) Time. Or, my time zone, the best damn time zone around!

Soylent:  I'm a bit slow on catching up on all this writing; I'll give this a thorough read next chance I get.  Apologies. 
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #51 on: 10-10-2005 16:29 »

Snart:  thanks Snart, though Im not much of a kid anymore

Arkan: Good catch!  Sometimes I reread things so much that I start to see what I want to see, instead of what's actually written on the page

Venus:  Im glad you like it.  It means alot coming from the big writing talents like you and JBerges

leo: comparing me to the great tolkien?  *points* You are a sinner!  a sinner I say!  lol :-)

Jberges: no prob take your time.  <zoidberg> Yey, people are paying attention to me! </zoidberg>

Ol´coot

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #52 on: 10-10-2005 19:36 »

Very nicely done sO, the tension in the battle scene is very well conveyed! I did think that you over-did the character intros that the fans don't need but they do help make it a 'stand alone' piece for non fans. (Thereby hooking them on the show! Bwua Ha Ha!)
Professor Zoidy

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #53 on: 10-10-2005 20:11 »
« Last Edit on: 10-10-2005 20:11 »

Very awesome! I just may print this and make a small book out of this...now if only I had the ability to make actual book-like things.. O.o;; I can actually picture what's happening the entirety of what I'm reading, not like regular books you insert yourself in if you can't picture what they look like or the environment. You seem to pass this "image block/character block" as I like to call it, as if it was never a problem at all. I'd have way more typos, trust me, and you've only mis-spelled 4 words so far   smile When Leela collapses, it reminds me of A4A's quizilla quiz question : What would you do if the pilot suddenly collapsed? (or something like that) and I always picked  :Damn me- I am the pilot!
Professy

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #54 on: 10-11-2005 07:26 »

I try to write long encouraging reviews but I am just too lazy, so don't take offence to it, brilliant battle scene BTW. I guess I am too lazy which is why I like to think of myself of good writer.
SpaceCase

Liquid Emperor
**
« Reply #55 on: 10-11-2005 13:39 »

Hello SoylentOrange,

First, welcome to P.E.E.L.

Second, while I've not had the chance to read your story, from the little bit I've seen, it shows great promise, as does yout writing style.

Third, my apologies both for taking so long to post to your thread (they don't let me out much... wink), and for it's brevity.

Although by this time, I suspect Venus, Layla, JBerges, and Ralph Snart have probably covered all the points I would've.

I look forward to more.  tongue

P.E.E.L. A more vile hive of nerds and geekery you will not find...
  roll eyes
stucksteve

Crustacean
*
« Reply #56 on: 10-12-2005 17:29 »

Very well done SoylentO. Is there any particular reason you chose to write it in the form of a novel instead of a script?
Shiny

Professor
*
« Reply #57 on: 10-13-2005 01:11 »

Leave him alone, there's nothing wrong with prose!  NOTHING WRONG WITH PROSE I SAY!  One doesn't need a reason to use it, it's only the most popular format for fiction that there is!

BTW, SoylentO, I'm enjoying this.  Possibly I will give more detailed comments at some point, I have no time to at present.  But it's engaging my attention nicely.  smile
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #58 on: 10-13-2005 15:08 »

here's the next section.  Its short I know, sorry bout that.  Im finding very little time to work on this in between studying for midterms and keeping my job, but I am working on it!

Part 2
Chapter 4

It was several hours later when Leela awoke.  She opened her eye but couldn’t see anything more than a grayish blob for awhile.  Having been knocked around many times before, the cyclops knew the routine and waited as her vision slowly returned.  A particularly close blur of grey coalesced into Fry, who was leaning over her.  Something had torn a gash down his left cheek, and minor scrapes crisscrossed his forehead.  The cyclops suddenly realized that he had been calling her name for quite some time. 

 Leela could feel her strength returning and tried to speak.  “Unghhh, Frye?  Where are we?”  Fry looked visibly relieved.  He turned his face to speak to someone out of Leela’s field of vision:  “Hey everybody!  She’s awake!”

Leela propped herself up on one elbow and looked around her.  She was in the PE ship’s laundry room.  The rest of the crew was also there.  Amy had a nasty looking bloody patch on the left leg of her pink sweat suit, and a dark welt in the middle of her forehead.  Nibbler was curled up asleep in the corner.  He looked uninjured.  Bender, being made of a metal alloy, had survived basically unharmed.   The lobster member of the crew was also unharmed due to his hard outer shell.  The one eyed captain looked herself over.  She had faired better than she felt.  There were some minor scratches and a bruise or two, but she would be fine.

 “Hold on”, asked Leela, what happened?  Why are we in the laundry room?”  Amy was the one to respond.  “We all blacked out when that missile thing exploded.  When I woke up, we were all in here.”  Leela got up off the floor and sat down on the edge of a washing machine next to Bender.    She was relieved that everyone had passed out.  It would have been too embarrassing to have been the only one to loose consciousness.

“Bender woke me up as that other bad guy was docking with us,” said Fry.  “We didn’t have a chance to do anything before all these guys with laser pistols came running on to the bridge.  They made us carry you and Amy into the laundry room and then they locked us in here.”  Bender crossed his arms and pouted. “I thought we could take ‘em,” complained the robot, “but Fry wouldn’t let me use Zoidberg as a shield”  Zoidberg grumbled in the background.

Leela rolled her eye at the robot.  He was always trying to use one of his crewmates as a shield for something or other.  “Well, the important thing is that nobody is hurt,” remarked the cyclops.  In cases like this it was a good idea to take the optimistic stance and concentrate on the future rather than the past. Pessimism has its place, but it also tends to get you killed.  The PE captain forced her thoughts toward what was going to happen to them next, and that depended on their captor.  “Has Ivan been in here yet?”, asked Leela.
.
Fry was puzzled.  “No, why would he be?  He just wants the professor’s stuff.  We aren’t important to him.”  Amy broke in before Leela could explain it to him.  “Spluh,” said the intern.  “He’s a stereotypical science fiction bad guy.  Don’t you know how this works Fry?  We fight him, he takes us prisoner, and then he comes to our cell and gloats.”  Fry nodded his comprehension.  “Ok, and then what?”, he asked.  Leela and Amy looked at each other and frowned.  The cyclopes whispered: “And then he kills us.”
Leo

Delivery Boy
**
« Reply #59 on: 10-13-2005 15:30 »

What? You selfish bastard! Balls to midterms, that's my philosophy. It's got me to where I am now - out of me and my hobo buddies I get second pick of which dumpsters to eat from. Yeah, now that's good livin'!

Seriously though, I'm sure we all appreciate that you have the time to continue posting, despite your job and revision for exams. I should really start work for my midterms too...

There's a million fine looking women in the world dude, but they don't all bring you lasagne at work. Most of them just cheat on you.
Professor Zoidy

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #60 on: 10-13-2005 17:13 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by soylentOrange:
 “I thought we could take ‘em,” complained the robot, “but Fry wouldn’t let me use Zoidberg as a shield”  ....
 The cyclopes whispered: “And then he kills us.”

 eek Oh crap... and then comes the killing..  laff Anyways, loving the Bender line.. so much like Bender
Fatdude

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #61 on: 10-13-2005 19:20 »

It sucked!
Fatdude

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #62 on: 10-13-2005 19:23 »

yeah It sucked.
Arkan

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #63 on: 10-13-2005 20:03 »

Hey, any update is greatly appreciated by me, soylentOrange, however short it is. Within reason. And this was a good'un!  big grin
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #64 on: 10-13-2005 20:04 »
« Last Edit on: 10-13-2005 20:04 »

thanks for the information fatDude.  Your words of wisdow have enlightened us all.  If you're going to criticize, at least have something to say!

As for my loyal readers out there, thanks for sticking with me!

Ralph Snart

Agent Provocateur
Near Death Star Inhabitant
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #65 on: 10-13-2005 20:07 »

Well Fatdude, let's see what you've got.

Contribute in some way - write us something or do some artwork and post it; we'll be fair and gentle in our assessments of your work.

Great work S.O., especially considering the fact that you put something together while midterms are going on.

Okay you cunts, let's see what you can do now.
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #66 on: 10-14-2005 01:35 »
« Last Edit on: 10-14-2005 01:35 »

If I know my sci fi bad guys, Ivan will, instead of killing them outright, place the crew in a situation where they couldn't possibly escape.  After all, it's a move straight out of the Standard Villain Handbook in the chapter "Dealing With Captured Heroes: Why slow, agonizing, nearly-inescapable deaths are better than quick, certain deaths."

Also, another good update.  Things are looking grim for the good guys, which is usually when the real fun starts.  If I had to change anything, I would've added a joke about Zoidberg's qualifications to be a "human" shield.  I don't quite know about the pessimism line.  An inclination to expect the worst has to be better than the alternative in survival situations.  If that was Leela's sentiment, then that is her second uncharacteristically major blunder on this mission.

I'm sure you've already discounted what fatdude or whomever is masquerading as fatdude said, but this story doesn't suck.  It's actually quite good.  I've only read one or two fanfics that actually sucked, and this isn't one of them.
blug

Crustacean
*
« Reply #67 on: 10-14-2005 13:48 »

poor zoidy, always first line to be used as protective armor....lol.
another amazingly awesome update, can't wait for more!
good luck on your midterms (however evil and terrifying they may be *shudders*)
Professor Zoidy

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #68 on: 10-14-2005 17:26 »

Good luck on mid-terms! Break an arm or pen or... something!..
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #69 on: 10-15-2005 00:25 »

whatdya know?  Two updates within 48 hours.  This is the last piece of part 2.  Enjoy!

Part 2
Chapter 5

The Planet Express crew was therefore not surprised when Ivan paid them a visit a short time later. 

The laundry room door opened with its characteristic creak.  It had needed oil for months, but no one had ever gotten around to it.  Mean looking pulse rifles appeared in the opening, followed by meaner looking men.  Two of the soldiers walked into the room and took up position flanking the door.  Ivan entered the room a moment later.  The scar was a dead giveaway of his identity.

 “Which one of you is the captain?”, demanded Ivan. 

Leela stood up and glared at her captor.  One of the soldiers fidgeted with his weapon.    “My name is Leela.  This is Fry, Amy, Bender, and Zoidberg.  I’m the captain and I demand that you get off my ship.  I sent out a distress signal before you attacked, and a fleet of DOOP ships will be here in minutes.”  DOOP, or the Democratic Order Of Planets was the largest interstellar government in existence.  It also had the most powerful navy.

The scarred man just chuckled  “Don’t waste your breath captain.  I’ve had your radio jammed for days.  There isn’t anyone coming to your rescue.”  Ivan strolled over to the room’s single table.  He lowered himself into a sitting position.  “I must say,” he continued, “I am very impressed.  You cost me ten ships and over thirty crewmen.  If I wasn’t so sure you would say no Id ask all of you to join my organization.

“And what exactly is your organization?”  The cyclops was having trouble focusing on her opponent.  The scar was so damned distracting.

“Lets just say I specialize in the transportation and sale of devices that certain military institutions would find immensely interesting.”

“So you’re an arms dealer?”, asked Fry.

Ivan turned to face the new voice, and nodded affirmation.  “Exactly.”

Fry pressed further.  “And you want the stuff in our cargo bay so that you can sell it?”

“That’s right!  People will pay a pretty penny for what that professor friend of yours has built over the years.”

The Planet Express crew let out a collective gasp.

Leela addressed her captor.  “But Ivan, those inventions are too powerful to be trusted in the hands of any military.  Billions of people could be killed if even one were to be used!”  Leela paused for a moment.  “Hey, how did you know about the professor’s doomsday machines anyway?”

Ivan shrugged.  “Its not my problem how the weapons are used.  I just deliver them, their future owners decide whether or not to use them.  As far as how I knew about them, every arms dealer in the universe knows about them.  Farnsworth mentions them every time he makes a public speech.  He’s always flaunting them in front of people”

Fry chuckled.  “Yep that’s the professor for you.  He loves his weapons of mass destruction.”

Leela ordered Fry to shut up.   “So what are you going to do with us?”, asked the cyclops.  “You cant keep us locked up in our own laundry room forever.”

“You are exactly right Leela,” replied Ivan.  “Originally I was just going to let you go.  I must say you have earned my respect after the impressive bit of captaining you pulled earlier.  It would sorrow me to put such a worthy opponent to death.  Unfortunately for you however, my men are demanding they get their revenge for the ships you destroyed.  I think I have come up with a rather clever compromise.  My ship’s crew will finish unloading your cargo bay and then set the timers on the two warheads you still have onboard this ship.   If you are as clever a captain as I suspect, you will escape from this room and disarm the torpedoes.  If not”, the man shrugged, “the nuclear warheads will vaporize your bodies into clouds of gas.”  Ivan stood up and left his captives to digest his last statement. 


Leela looked around her for something to use.  Ivan had only been gone for a minute and she was already looking for a way to escape.  She felt certain that her crew would find a way out of their makeshift cell before the bombs went off, but Leela had no intention of waiting long enough for the warheads to be set.  That arrogant bastard Ivan had invaded her ship, injured her crew, and was making off with her cargo.  That was unacceptable.  Leela desperately wanted the satisfaction of kicking her strutting captor in the genitals before he left. 

But how were they supposed to get out of the room?  The door was locked from the outside, and was much too strong to break down.  Leela’s eyes scanned the room.  “Lets see”, she thought to herself,  “table, stool, laundry basket, dirty clothing, mechanical washing unit, detergent, dryer, more dirty clothing…”  The one-eyed captain grinned. 

Leela:  “That’s it!”

Bender: “It is not!”

Leela: “When Ivan walked into the room the door slid open automatically right?”

Amy:  “spluh.  So what?”

Leela: “For the door to open automatically the ship must have normal power again.  The lights work on emergency power, but the doors have to be opened manually.”

Fry: “So?”

Leela: “You’ll see.  Bender, I want you to move that dryer out from the wall.”

Bender [with a shrug]: “Ok you’re the boss.”

The robot sauntered over to the machine and gave it a tug.  Wires ripped from the walls.  Several sparks escaped from the back of the dryer.

Leela:  “Ok, Now pull on that red wire.  Careful, its live.”

Bender didn’t have to be told.  He new a live electrical wire when he saw it.  The Robot pulled on the wire with both hands.  It came away from the wall in foot-long sections.  A dark gash was left in the drywall where the wire had once been.  Leela gestured Bender to stop after a good ten feet of wire was sitting on the floor.

Leela:  “Alright good that’ll do it.  Everybody except Bender back away to the other side of the room.  Bender, I want you to jam that wire into the door control mechanism when I give you the signal ok?” 

Bender:  “Sure, whatever you say big boots”

Leela gave the signal as soon as everyone was a sage distance away.  Bender jammed the live wire into the control panel, generating a current of a few thousand amps.  Sparks flew from the control panel in all direction, and the lights flickered for a moment.  The door opened with a whoosh and Leela seized her moment.  There were two guards standing in the hall outside the room.  The first guard was never even aware that anything had happened.  The second guard had just enough time to see a blur of motion reduce his companion to a heap before he was rendered unconscious by a karate chop to the side of the head.

Fry caught Leela’s arm before she could continue down the hall in her destructive frenzy.

Fry:  “Wait Leela, don’t do this.  You’ll just get yourself hurt.  Its not worth it.”

Leela visibly slumped

Leela:  “I know Fry.  It just, I cant let Ivan get away.  Not after he hurt you and the others.”

Fry:  “But getting yourself hurt isn’t going to fix that.  Why don’t we sneak onto Ivan’s ship?  That way when he gets to his home planet or whatever we can call the DOOP and tell them where he is.  We might not be strong enough to beat up all of these guys, but the DOOP can.”

The cyclops captain gave her friend a long look.

Leela:  “You know what Fry?  You’re right.  Alright everybody, new plan.  Amy and Zoidberg, I want you two to wait here until Ivan leaves, then head down to the torpedo bay and stop the timers.  You should have plenty of time since you wont have to break out of here first.  Go straight home as soon as all of the ships are gone and tell the professor what happened.  Oh, and Amy?  Take care of Nibbler for me.  Bender, Fry and I are going to try and sneak aboard Ivan’s ship.

Time was of the essence, so the friends said quick goodbye to each other and went their separate ways.  Amy and Zoidberg went back into the laundry room to wait.  Bender and Fry followed their captain down the hall toward the cargo bay.

The trio met no more guards until they had come to the bay itself.  Two lightly armed men were carrying a crate through the hatch.  What looked like a sort of elastic tube was connecting the two ships.  Fry, Leela, and Bender ducked back around the corner and peered into the room.

Leela:  “Its no good.  We’ll be spotted as soon as we enter that tube.”

Bender: “Wait, didn’t that idiot lobster open a crate awhile back?”

Fry: “Hey yeah!  Maybe we could climb in there and hide”

Leela:  “Hmm… That might work.  We’ll let those soldiers carry us through the tube, and we can hide out in the crate until the coast is clear.”

The two men that had been carrying a box reappeared before the three friends had a chance to look for the crate.  Thirty seconds later them men disappeared into the tube with another crate.

Fry, Leela and Bender rushed into the room to look for the crate.  They only had a few seconds before the two soldiers came back for the next crate.  Bender was the first to come across what they were looking for.  He gestured to his crewmates and jumped into the box.  Amy had emptied this particular crate after Zoidberg had broken its contents.  The device was currently sitting in the storage closet in several pieces.  Fry and Leela managed to squeeze themselves into the crate, but it was by no means a comfortable fit.  Bender used his extending arms to reach out of the crate and grab the lid and move it carefully into place.

For several minutes the two humans and the robot were aware of nothing save heavy breathing and two loud heartbeats.  There was the sensation of motion.  Leela realized with sudden terror that the soldiers were using the PE ship’s magnetic winch to raise the heavy crate.  If Fry and Leela had been it’s only contents this would not have been a problem, but Bender’s presence made it a catastrophe.  Magnets invariably screwed up Bender’s inhibition unit.  In the past Bender had started to sing bad folk music when his inhibition chip malfunctioned.  Singing would give away their position.  Something had to be done, and fast. 

Leela grabbed the robot and shoved his face into Fry’s stomach.  Fry was just about to blow the trio’s cover with an angry remark when a poorly done rendition of Sweet Home Alabama made itself aware to his ears.  Just enough noise was escapting into the crate’s interior for Fry to hear, and to understand why Leela had done what she did.

The men loading the crate remained oblivious to the singing robot and his companions.  One of the soldiers operated the winch while the other pushed a hover dolly into the bay.  “What do you think’s inside it?”  Asked hover dolly guard.  “Boss says its some kinda big bomb”  replied his companion.  “Well whatever it is, its sure heavy”, commented hover dolly guard.

The crate was slowly lowered onto the dolly.  The soldier operating the winch turned off the electromagnet and joined his friend by the crate.  Both men got behind the dolly and began to push.  The dolly passed through the cargo bay of the Planet Express ship, into the tunnel, and finally into the belly of the other vessel.  Fry, Leela, and Bender were now stowaways on the ship of a dangerous criminal, cut off from everyone they had ever known.

DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #70 on: 10-15-2005 03:51 »

What?  Lynyrd Skynyrd is southern rock, not folk!  Bender's musical taste must have changed...for the better, mind you.

It's a little dry, but it's a serious segment, so that's okay.  I am deeply amused by the thought of drywall on a spaceship.  I also like Ivan's predictable, stereotype behaviors, especially the "I'd ask you to join me, but I know you won't" line."  I think he is going to be a winner of a character.
Ralph Snart

Agent Provocateur
Near Death Star Inhabitant
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #71 on: 10-15-2005 06:10 »

The PE crew is like the A-Team; the bad guys screw up by giving them a few minutes - that's all they need to come up with a solution.  I bet that Leela has some Mr. T genes in her ancestory that would allow her to build a phaser cannon out of 2 paper clips, a piece of wire, a stryrofoam cup and some duct tape.

Now 2 little picks with the story:

Drywall in a spaceship - not a very logical material to use in a spaceship.

The door to the laundry room can easily be opened by Bender - he's built to bend steel girders, so forcing open a door should be no problem.  Also, asking him to hold a live wire?  With his previous electricity addition, that's like asking an alcoholic to carry a case of Old Fortran home from the store for you.

Otherwise, I give you a solid B+ to A- for this segment.

Okay you cunts, let's see what you can do now.
Shiny

Professor
*
« Reply #72 on: 10-15-2005 07:03 »
« Last Edit on: 10-15-2005 07:03 »

Excellent, excellent!  The drywall thing bothered me a little, too...perhaps it's some kind of special, super-light space drywall?

The only other thing I'd recommend is an additional exchange here:

 
Quote
"...Bender, I want you to jam that wire into the door control mechanism when I give you the signal ok?&#8221;

Bender:(refusal to comply and/or request for outrageous renumeration)

Leela:(cleverly phrased bodily threat)


Bender: &#8220;Sure, whatever you say big boots&#8221;

That's it - otherwise well done, very well done indeed.  Carry on, sir!
NIC2001

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #73 on: 10-15-2005 14:52 »

Nice work!

This fic is really good so far.

Keep it up!
Leo

Delivery Boy
**
« Reply #74 on: 10-15-2005 15:11 »

Woo, another update!

If I can just offer some advice, I would like to see more character development, which has not been particularly prominent so far. Hopefully this'll come anyway with the thickening of the plot, but as a shipper I just felt that this needed a heads up.
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #75 on: 10-15-2005 16:57 »

most of you guys didnt like the drywall huh?  I thought it was funny... 

Snart:  Bender would have to lift the door, and he says in the show that he doesnt know anything about lifting.  Yes I AM covering a huge plot hole with scotch tape!

Shiny:  You're absolutely right.  I'll have to think of something good to stick in there.

Leo: you'll like part 3 then.

DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #76 on: 10-16-2005 03:42 »
« Last Edit on: 10-16-2005 03:42 »

I liked it!  It seems like the exact kind of illogical construction nuance you'd expect on a ship engineered by Farnsworth (like the lion).  I think the problem other people are having is that drywall isn't inane enough to be funny because of its ridiculousness.
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #77 on: 10-16-2005 23:03 »
« Last Edit on: 11-22-2005 00:00 »

Here's the start of part 3.  I hope you like it.  This thing that was supposed to start out as a little project to keep me occupied is becoming a full blown epic.  I just finished writing the 55th page this afternoon, more typing than Ive done during my whole college career.

Part 3: Talora
chapter 1

Bender was not a happy robot.  He had been stuck in this stupid container, barely large enough for his ego, let alone his body and those of humans, for a day and a half.  The small space didn’t bother him so much.  His apartment was only a few cubic meters in volume, after all.  Then again, he didn’t have to share those few cubic meters with two whiny mammals.  Every ten minutes it was “I’m hungry” or “There’s no air in here”, or “Bender get off my larynx, you’re strangling me to death.” 

Things had been relatively quiet after he and his human friends had stolen aboard this ship.  The two crewmen who had unwittingly assisted the three stowaways had simply put down their crate and moved on to the next one, none the wiser.  The tube linking the two ships had been withdrawn when all of the crates had been transferred over to their new owners’ vessel.  Fry, Leela, and Bender had watched a portal in the ships hull through a crack in their crate as the Planet Express ship shrank away into the distance.  They could only hope that Amy and Zoidberg would be able to defuse the warheads.

There had been one minor flaw in Leela’s plan.  Now that they were on the enemy ship, there was nowhere to hide since there was always at least one crewman watching over the ship’s cargo hold.  Escaping the crate would be impossible.   The threes stowaways would just have to wait in their box and hope that a bored crewman would not become curious as to what was inside.

Unfortunately for the robot and his two companions, they had a long flight ahead of them.  At least Bender had had the foresight to bring along some extra booze.  Robots, unlike humans, require alcohol to survive.  The chemical energy powers their systems and keeps the rational.  Ironically, a robot that has not had enough to drink behaves in much the same way as a human that has had far too much to drink.  As Bender sat with his back to one wall of his temporary prison he grabbed another spare beer from his chest cabinet.  It occurred to him that this represented yet another reason why robots are superior to humans.

:”Stupid meat-sacks.  How do they expect to survive without any way to store stuff for later?  They’d just better not think they’re getting their greasy hands on my precious booze stash.”


Their crate dropped two feet with a jarring thud.  The ships engines ceased their roar, and the sound of airbrakes could be heard through the hull.  Leela tried to extricate herself from Bender’s legs and pressed her face up against the one crack in their prison’s wall.  She could see blue sky through the ship’s portal. After two days wedged into a tiny together like apartments in Hong Kong, Fry, Leela, and Bender were once again on the surface of a planet.  But where exactly were they?

The three stowaways presently found themselves being loaded onto another hover dolly.  Fry and Leela had plenty of warning this time to make sure Bender remained unheard.  One by one the crates were hauled out of the bay, down a ramp, and into glaring sunshine.  Leela had been worried that the surface of whatever planet they were being transported to would be inhospitable.  It would have been painfully ironic to come all this way only to die from atmospheric poisoning.  The Cyclops took a tentative breath.  “Hmm,” she thought, “I’m not dead.  That’s a good sign.  The wristo-majig I wear on my arm reads 73% nitrogen, 21% oxygen, 6% trace gases.  Looks habitable to me.”  Actually, it was downright pleasant.  The temperature was about 25 degrees celsius, there was a light breeze, and the distinct smell of the ocean was in the air.  It was almost like they’d flown all the way across the universe to find themselves in San Diego.

Leela watched their progress through the crate’s tiny.  She was hoping to spot something she could use as a landmark, in case they needed to get back to what she assumed was the spaceport in a hurry.  No such luck, the view was just too limited.  The close up image of the crate wall was combining with the distant surroundings to confuse her eye.  Leela cursed her lack of depth perception for what must have been the millionth time.

If Leela had had a convenient window to look through she would have seen a sprawling metropolis.  Skyscrapers towered on either side of a busy two lane road.  Ground traffic whizzed by at breakneck speed, while flying vehicles arced over the rooftops.  Pedestrian transport tubes snaked in and out of the cityscape like demented snakes.  It was actually much the same scene as you might expect in a Terran city of the time period.  This planet was definitely not Earth, however.  In fact, it was not even really a planet.  Hanging over the city like an offer of imminent doom was the silhouette of a monstrous gas giant.   The three stowaways were on a moon.

The crates were pushed loaded into a hover-truck and driven through about a quarter mile of city.  Finally they were unloaded and hauled into a giant warehouse by burly, rough looking men that the three stowaways had not seen before, and then left alone.
Ralph Snart

Agent Provocateur
Near Death Star Inhabitant
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #78 on: 10-17-2005 08:41 »

Pretty good - although Leela and Fry are probably wanting to find a bathroom and some food (in that order) about now....

I can see the asswhupping that Leela will give one of the guards for a donut...

Okay you cunts, let's see what you can do now.
Professor Zoidy

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #79 on: 10-17-2005 17:56 »

so..interesting...need..more!  smile
Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 5 ... 18 Print 
« previous next »
Jump to:  

Powered by SMF | SMF © 2006, Simple Machines | some icons from famfamfam
Legal Notice & Disclaimer: "Futurama" TM and copyright FOX, its related entities and the Curiosity Company. All rights reserved. Any reproduction, duplication or distribution of these materials in any form is expressly prohibited. As a fan site, this Futurama forum, its operators, and any content on the site relating to "Futurama" are not explicitely authorized by Fox or the Curiosity Company.
Page created in 0.341 seconds with 17 queries.