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Author Topic: a noob's first attempt at literature  (Read 10644 times)
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soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #360 on: 12-28-2005 17:44 »
« Last Edit on: 12-28-2005 17:44 »

@Snart: i dunno yet.  I'll have to think about that...

@Zoidy: I already have the plot set up for my next fic, but I'm not going to start it until I get a feel for what next semester is going to be like.  If I start, I'll be tempted to work on it whether I have time for it or not    big grin

but I have a suprise!  I've been working on this off and on for, ohh, at least 6 months now.  I finally got the software to turn it into a final product for christmas.  so... enjoy! wink

 http://home.comcast.net/~ravencolli/futurama.zip

please let me know if (when) you find bugs in it.  The videos aren't there because I didnt have storage space for them.  Eventually I'll find a way around that   
Tokash

Crustacean
*
« Reply #361 on: 12-29-2005 10:04 »
« Last Edit on: 12-29-2005 10:04 »

haha!  I loved it.  Once I figured out the controls, it took me quite a few tries to make it a few blocks.  When I finally got to the lab, I was awarded the honorary title of "Rectal Exam Bot" with 11100 points.

Nice one, Soylent.  While this may not make it into the annals of PCGamer Magazine, it's a creative touch of amusing fun.

I was running this on an obsolete Win 2000 machine at work and didn't know if it was causing problems.  But whenever I crashed ("Ow! My small intestine!"    big grin), I assume it was trying to play the "ouch.wav" file, but I never did hear it and the game would lock up.  I'd have to close it down and restart it.

I'll see if I can move up to at least beat Fry's score...

Edit:  Actually, the game doesn't lock up.  I could still select the "File" tab and exit from there.  But I still don't hear the "ouch.wav" sound.  Also, it would be nice if you could restart the game from the beginning by hitting the space bar or the "any" key without having to close and reopen it.
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #362 on: 12-29-2005 10:25 »

ouch.wav is still a problem huh?  Its weird, on some computers there isnt any trouble at all, while on others its a real pain in the neck.  Also, I just discovered that the game wont work at all on any windows version 98 or earlier... 
Arkan

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #363 on: 12-29-2005 14:01 »

Well, that explains why it didn't work for me, then.  frown
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #364 on: 12-29-2005 14:30 »

@Arkan: I'll try and fiddle with it so that it works on older machines.  With some luck I might convice the visual basic gods to cooperate.

anyway here's the last piece of my Xmas fic.  I just hope you guys think its better than I do

Court was adjourned.  The judge made a few closing remarks and walked out the door.  The crowd that had been watching the sham of a trial started to disperse, content that there distorted ideas of law and order had once again been upheld.  Leela slowly and carefully worked her way out of the wrist restraints, a skill she had picked up from Bender.   Now she would be ready for, well, that part hadn’t been quite worked out yet.  There was security all around, and it would probably be suicide to just make a break for it.  Then again, if she didn’t try something soon, they might get stuck somewhere where that probably became a definitely.

Fry turned to look at her.  He had seen her work her way free, but had (miraculously) had the good sense to not to do anything that would call attention to it.  Now he gave her a quizzical look, silently asking her how she was going to rescue them all.  She gave him a confident smile and hoped he couldn’t see through to her worried interior.  She didn’t have the heart to tell him what she knew, that it would take some kind of Xmas miracle to spring them free this time.

The wall exploded inward with a crunch.  In flew the most unlikely person of all, a jolly looking fellow riding a reindeer driven sleigh, and wearing a red had and coat.  Pandemonium ensued.

The few remaining guards and members of the audience bolted from the room as though death itself had wandered into the room.  And indeed it had. 

“Ho. Ho. Ho.” Roared the robotic Santa Claus, his eyes rolling 180 degrees as he exited nice mode and loaded naughty mode.  “What have we here?  If it isn’t Fry, Leela, and Bender.  You’ve all been very naughty.”

“Santa Claus?!  What the hell are you doing here?!  Screeched Fry.  He was pretty sure that he didn’t want to know the answer.

“You three were next on my list.  You don’t really think you’re safe if you leave Earth do you?  Whuahohohoho!  No, the naughty aren’t safe anywhere”

“Stick a candy cane in it” Leela retorted.  Though her friends were both shaking like leaves in a Martian sandstorm, the PE captain was unfazed.  She had survived two encounters with Santa Claus already, and she aimed to make that number three.

The giant robot just laughed at Leela’s comment and reached into his toy sack for his traditional Xmas tommy gun.

“Please don’t kill us!” pleaded Bender

“And why shouldn’t I?” Santa demanded.

Bender stumbled for words.  Normal logic wouldn’t work on this Xmas demon, and normal logic was the only variety that a bending unit knew how to work with.

“Umm, don’t kill us because… uhh…”

A rare good idea clicked into Fry’s brain.  He would have to remember to mark it on the calendar when he got home.  “Hey, what if we could give you the names of some people that have been naughtier than us?”

“Don’t waste your time.  I know the name and the location of every living Earthican.”

Leela perked up.  She suddenly saw Fry’s plan, and wondered why the hell she hadn’t been the one to think of it.

Fry continued: “But still, if I told you where to find a few million people that weren’t on your list, would you let us live?”

Santa paused to think for a moment.  “Hmm, maybe if they had been really really naughty.”

“What if I told you that the people on this planet haven’t celebrated Xmas for 200 years?”

“Are you serious?”

The three PE crewmembers nodded in unison.

Santa paused for a moment, and then put his gun back in his sack of horrors.  The warm yellow light that emanated from his eyes and mouth was slowly replaced by a demonic red.  Without saying a word, Santa climbed back into his sleigh and jerked on the reigns.  Then he was gone.

Fry, Bender, and Leela watched the fires burn far below.  Escape had been fairly easy after Santa Claus had made his exit.  Bender managed to work himself free of his own restraints, and helped Fry out of his handcuffs while Leela retrieved her wristamajig from the evidence box.  Leela was relieved to find that the PE ship’s autopilot was sober enough at the moment to fly over and pick them up.

It really was a shame that Fry’s message of holiday cheer had been warped into a brutal display of death and carnage, but if Earth could deal with it every year, than so could Auriga IV. 
Arkan

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #365 on: 12-29-2005 19:05 »

 love That is so cool! I'm guessing (and hoping) that this isn't the end, though? Although you could end it here. But I demand more!  smile

The only mistake I noticed was that the first 'there' in the first paragraph should be 'their'.

I liked that it was Fry who managed to keep them alive  love
Ralph Snart

Agent Provocateur
Near Death Star Inhabitant
DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #366 on: 12-29-2005 19:42 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Arkan:
 
I liked that it was Fry who managed to keep them alive

To prove once again that the kid from the stupid ages is actually worthy of having around occasionally.   cool

Okay you cunts, let's see what you can do now.
Benders_Fan

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #367 on: 12-30-2005 04:09 »

I Love it.I can't wait to read more.
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #368 on: 12-30-2005 16:53 »

@Arkan: sorry, that's it for this story.  There'll be more coming soon though, I promise

@Snart:  Yus, and for more than giving the enemy something else to shoot at.  Who woulda thought?

@Bender's fan: thanks  big grin
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #369 on: 01-05-2006 21:57 »

wow, I think this is the first time that my thread has fallen off the firt page.  I really havent been posting much lately...

Its been cold and boring here in this pit they call Northern Virginia, so I've been keeping myself busy by brushing up on my programming skills.  Ive got a really neat project coming along.  Here's a couple of screenshots:





NIC2001

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #370 on: 01-06-2006 17:26 »

Look nice! Is the ship screen a side scrolling mini game?
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #371 on: 01-06-2006 19:34 »

sortof.  The idea is that you're the owner of Planet Express.  You buy supplies, hire employees, and gradually get upgrades to the ship through inventions and things.  To make money you go on deliveries, which is where the ship screen comes in.  Basically you poor various forms of death and destruction into poorly animated cartoon spaceships until the timer runs out and you reach your destination.  Then you get paid.  :-D
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #372 on: 01-18-2006 00:09 »
« Last Edit on: 01-18-2006 00:09 »

since The Leela Zone's fan fiction page is bogged down in a morass of unmanageable scripts, I decided to go ahead and post my complete fics elsewhere    smile
  http://www.geocities.com/soylentorange958/
TriggerHappyJim

Professor
*
« Reply #373 on: 01-18-2006 15:53 »

just read part the first piece of fiction on this topic and christ on a bike is there some good writing there!

i do all my fan fiction in script form which is all very well but its damn tricky to put in characterisation the way you do.

my one quibble is that this is an epic! its huge! much longer than any thing i've written.

keep it rolling soylent! this looks good!

soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #374 on: 01-18-2006 15:59 »

thanks jim  smile  Talora's actually a finished product though.  I posted the last section on PEEL sometime in early december i think...  I used to write in script form too, but I got so frustrated with its limitations that I decided to switch formats.
TriggerHappyJim

Professor
*
« Reply #375 on: 01-19-2006 20:09 »
« Last Edit on: 01-19-2006 20:09 »

fair enough.

sometimes i'm tempted to do some proper writing.

ach, but i've only done one full episode so far. second one is on its way!

maybe after a couple more in script form. i can shove more jokes in that way.
Glasses

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #376 on: 01-26-2006 04:05 »
« Last Edit on: 01-26-2006 04:05 »

Hey soylent,
I downloaded your fanfic Talora off your website and I'm loving it. I was reading it today but I found quite a few grammatical and punctual errors. So if you are interested I wouldn't mind editing your future fan-fics for you. If you are interested email me at   sam_teh_man@hotmail.com  .
BTW I also downloaded your other fanfic Another XMAS Story, I'd love to see more and possibly edit it.  big grin

I'm a white male, aged 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are.
-Homer
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #377 on: 01-26-2006 12:31 »
« Last Edit on: 01-26-2006 12:31 »

thanks glasses   big grin.  Leo volunteered to beta for me when my story was about half over.  I just havent had a chance to go back and correct the 40 some odd pages of text that came before that   smile.  If you want though, I can send my new stuff to you too.  (three heads have to be better than two right?) 

for everyone else who wants to know where the hell I've been for the last month:  Check back in about a week  wink
Glasses

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #378 on: 01-26-2006 16:17 »

Yeah, I can do that soylent, but what is the system that you and Leo already have set up for the editing stage, and how would you work me in there? Please email me at  sam_teh_man@hotmail.com .
Thanks

I'm a white male, aged 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are.
-Homer
Leo

Delivery Boy
**
« Reply #379 on: 01-27-2006 09:41 »

Basically he emails me his work and I give it a going over (check grammar, syntax etc) and offer any ideas about plot or character development.
Glasses

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #380 on: 01-29-2006 04:55 »

Oh ok then, if I could help in any way, I won't hesitate, so just email me.
Cheers,
Sam
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #381 on: 02-03-2006 10:35 »

hey Leo, have you had a chance to check your inbox in awhile?  juat wanted to make sure you got that email I sent to you and Glasses
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #382 on: 02-07-2006 20:54 »

hi everybody.  I have a fic that's going to get posted sometime soon.  In the meantime, here's a program I just finished.   http://www.geocities.com/soylentorange958/programs/Planet_Express.zip 

(I had it up on my site before, or at least I thought I did.  Turns out I accidentally posted the source code instead of the app)  Let me know what you guys think of it!
fryismyhero

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #383 on: 02-08-2006 03:36 »

Great game esso...it took me a little while and a few failed deliveries to figure out that if you don't have Fry, you can't shoot at things...I'm having a lot of fun playing  smile
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #384 on: 02-08-2006 12:40 »
« Last Edit on: 02-08-2006 12:40 »

^ there's a help menu somewhere that explains all the little quirks of the game.  Or you can just cheat by using the debug menu   big grin

Well, since Sam's really busy and Leo's gone incommunicado, I've decided to just go ahead and post the first section of my fic.  If/when Sam gets a chance to look over it I'll repost the section.  The story doesnt have a name yet, and probably wont for a long time since I'm horrible with coming up with titles.  Enjoy!
_____________________________ ________________

Part 1
Chapter 1

“Good news everyone!”

It always amazed Leela how these three simple words could drive such a stake of pure unremitting terror through her heart. Over the years she had faced more than her fair share of alien monsters, rampaging killbots, and bloody space battles, but as yet nothing had ever come close to having the effect of that horrific phrase.

The entire PE crew, sans Amy and Zoidberg, were sitting around the conference table waiting for the morning briefing when Farnsworth came shuffling in.  Hermes was busy alphabetizing a stack of anonymous forms.  He finished his task as Leela watched, and then proceeded to shuffle the stack and start over.  A clang followed by a string of barely audible Cantonese curses drifted over from the direction of the Planet Express Ship.

At the sound of Farnsworth’s words Fry and Bender threw each other a nervous glance.  Leela tried to assure herself that, no matter where the professor was about to send them, it couldn’t possibly be worse than Cannibalon, and she’d managed to survive that fiasco relatively unscathed; physically anyway.
 
“Today you will be delivering a crate of drink parasols to Staruba 6, the Paradise Planet.”

 “Alright!” Fry gave his robot friend a high-five “Did you hear that Leela?”, he asked excitedly,  “We’re going to The Paradise Planet!  We’ll live to see another day!”

Leela just sat with her arms crossed.  Long experience told her that if it seemed too good to be true, it probably was.

“Of course, ever since the Necrons took over last  February, it’s more like the Death and Despair planet, but that’s not important.  Anyway, off you go!”

Fry’s paused in mid celebration.  “Wait, wha?”, he stammered.  Farnsworth just shooed him in the direction of the waiting rocket ship.  Leela waited for her colleagues to disperse and then stood up.   As she reluctantly began to follow Fry and Bender to the ship, a wrinkly old hand descended upon her shoulder.

“Where are you going?”, asked Farnsworth.

“Uhh, to the ship?”

“There’s no time for that.  You have to get going if you want to get there in time.”

Leela gave the old man a funny look.  “But it’s a shipment of little umbrellas.  It’s not like it really matters when we get them there.”

“No you ninny.  Not the delivery.  The flight exam.”

Now it was Leela’s turn to stammer confusedly “Wait, Wha?”

 “The flight exam you one-eyed dope!  I just told you about it five minutes ago!  Every space captain has to take a test at the DMV each year to renew his or her license, doy!”

Leela was incredulous.  “Now hold on professor.  First of all, you weren’t even in the same room with me five minutes ago.  You were in the lounge talking to a lamp.  Get yourself new glasses.  Second of all, if space captains are supposed to take a license renewal test every year, why have I never heard of it before?”

Hermes looked up from his stack of forms.  “I think I can answer dat”, he said.  “Planet Express has to pay the DMV a substantial fee every time they administer the test and we can’t afford it”

“But then why are you making me do it now?”, the cyclops asked, quickly adding:  “Not that I mind missing out on the mission.”  Leela stepped aside as Amy tried get around her.  The grease-covered intern headed for the bathroom, ostensibly to clean herself off before the mission.

“Sorry Leela, but da DMV started getting suspicious after I filed a death report for the same person three years in a row, and den hired the same person back at the start of da next fiscal year.”  Leela gave the Jamaican a questioning look.  “It was the only way I could get around da rule,” he explained sheepishly.

A low hum filled the room as The Planet Express Ship started to power up.  The professor gestured for Leela to get moving.  “Now off you go, or you’ll be late.”

“Wait…” Leela began.

The professor cut her off.  “Oh don’t worry about how we’re going to afford this.  We’ll just take it out of Zoidberg’s salary, like we always do when there’s an emergency, or any other time for that matter.”

Zoidberg came scuttling into the room just in time to catch this last remark.  “Aww…”, he groaned as he turned and headed back the way he had come.

The Planet Express captain shook her head.  “No, that’s not what I was going to ask.  Professor, who…”

The ship’s low hum became a dull roar.  Once again Farnsworth interrupted.  “Now now, there’s no time for more stalling.  Now get going.”

“Listen to me!  If we’re here and Amy’s in the bathroom, then who’s powering up the ship?”

As if on queue, the Planet Express ship began to levitate off the hangar floor.

Leela was frantic.  “Oh no, Fry’s piloting the ship!  I haven’t taught him how to take off yet!”

Farnsworth’s eyes grew wide with terror.  “Dear God, he’ll kill us all!”

  The giant green rocket floated to a height of a couple of feet and then stopped.  Leela, Farnsworth, and Hermes were suddenly face to face with the fusion fires of the ship’s main dark matter engines.  The hangar door started to open.  The ship stayed steady and level.   “Wow,” thought Leela, “Fry’s doing a pretty good job.  He might actually make it out of the building without…”

Fry put the ship in gear, and the vessel rocketed forward.  Suddenly the Planet Express building was minus a rear wall.

Zoidberg came rushing in at the noise.  Hermes glared at the lobster angrily.  “You’re paying for dat too!” 

Leela soon found herself at the front door of the NNY Department of motor vehicles, but hesitated before entering.  She had no love of poorly run government bureaucracies, this one in particular.  The last time she had been here was in the aftermath of the first Omocronian invasion of Earth.  Her car had been demolished by one of the aliens’ anti-monument lasers.  It had taken months of time and reams of paper to get her to the point where she could legally drive the car she bought as a replacement.

  The cyclops had spent the whole 15 minute drive from Planet Express inventing ways to avoid the pain and suffering she was sure was ahead, but hadn’t come up with any options that didn’t involve landing someone in the hospital.  With a sigh Leela shifted the bag she was carrying to her other shoulder, and opened the door. 

The building consisted of a large open waiting room and a row of two dozen service desks.  All but one of them were closed.  As always, the waiting room was filled with an assortment of the sleaziest, dirtiest denizens of New New York.   A few steps from the front door was a customer service desk  A bureaucrat grade 82 lounged behind the counter as though he were taking a nap.  Leela walked over to him.

“Excuse me, can you tell me wh…”

The man shoved a small slip of paper into her hand, pointed at an empty seat in the waiting room with a grunt, and closed his eyes.  Leela decided he wasn’t worthy of an ass kicking and took a seat.  A large electronic sign mounted on the wall in front of her read “now serving number: 17”.  Leela glanced at the piece of paper she had been handed.  “Twenty-three.  Well that’s not too bad.  I’ll be out of here in no time.” Then she moved her thumb and noticed the six that came after the three.  “Aww fuck”.

_____________________________ _____________________________ ____________

“Yeah?”

“Umm, I’m here for the pilot exam.”

The woman behind the counter threw the cyclops standing before her a disdainful look.  “Why do these customers always ask me to DO things?” muttered the woman.  “Do you have three forms of ID?”

“How about retinal scan, fingerprint, and colonic map?”

“You can use your retinal scan or colonic map, not both.”

Leela’s eye narrowed in annoyance, but she didn’t argue.  “Alright, then use my aural signature.”

“Sorry, but that’s from the same list as fingerprints.”

“Then take a sample of my DNA.”

“No.”

“Driver’s license?”

“No.”

“Passport?”

“Cant do it.”

At this point Leela was about ready to scream.  “The only other ID I brought is my social security card.”

The clerk looked at her console.  “Uhh, alright.  That’ll work.  Let me see it.”  Then she paused for a moment.  “Wait, no I’m sorry.  Today’s Tuesday.  We can’t accept social security cards on tuesd…”  But she didn’t finish, for suddenly there came the distinct impression that to utter another word would lead to sever bodily harm to herself, her coworkers, and anyone else who happened to have the bad sense to be within a five block radius of the DMV at this particular moment.  “Umm, you know what?  Never mind.  Let me just see that social security card.

“Good idea,” remarked the cyclops.  The comment was said calmly and without malice, but the clerk still felt a cold shiver crawl up her spine.

_____________________________ ______________________

 “I’m sorry ma’am, but I can’t pass you.”

“What?!  But I’m an excellent pilot!”

“Lady, you crashed through three billboards, rear-ended an ambulance, and while we were flying over The Moon you sent a 4th grade class running for their lives.  That’ll be one recess that they never forget.”

“Oh come on, I staid in my lane.  And look, my hands were at ten and two the whole time!”

But the instructor wouldn’t hear any of it.  Seeing that there was nothing left for her to say, Leela sighed and took the paper from the man’s outstretched hand.  It read ‘revocation of commercial vehicle license’.  Evidently they weren’t taking her private driver’s license too.  Thank god.  Without saying another word, Leela turned and walked toward the door.  The instructor called after her: “Please lady, don’t drive home!  I’ve got children out there!”

Leela drove straight back to Planet Express.  To her own satisfaction, she didn’t hit a single billboard along the way.  Truth be told she had increased her following distance just to be safe, but that couldn’t have made that much of a difference.  After all, she only added another half a car length.  Or maybe it was five car lengths.  It was always so hard to tell… Once back at work, Leela parked her car and snuck in the front door.  With any luck the professor would be asleep and Hermes would be locked away in his cubicle.  If she played her cards right, no one would know she was back until Fry and Bender returned from the delivery.  “Time now for some much needed down time,” Leela said to herself under her breath.  The cyclops flopped down on the couch and turned the tv on low volume.  Some cooking show was on.  Evidently Bender had been watching the tube recently.  Leela flipped the channels for awhile and settled on Everybody Loves Hypnotoad, which had regained much of it’s luster since it’s low point in season three.  She had just gotten comfortable, indeed her wrostolojackomator’s comftometer was at 89%, when Amy walked into the room. 

“Oh Hi Leela, I didn’t know you were back.  I’ll go tell the professor.”  The intern turned and walked over to lean out into the hangar.

“Wait Amy! Don’t.”

But Amy wasn’t paying attention to her.  “Professor!  Hermes!  Leela’s Back!”

Leela collapsed into the sofa.  “Aww crud.”  She said it as though it were the most profound statement she had made all morning.
_____________________________ _____________________________ _____________


“You wha?!”

“I said, I failed the test.”

“You what?!” Farnsworth tapped at his hearing aid. 

Leela rolled her eye.  Hermes, who was standing next to the professor with his arms crossed, took the liberty of screaming Leela’s words into the old man’s ear.  “She said she failed da test you deaf geeza!!”

Looking slightly offended, the professor backed away from the bureaucrat and crossed his arms.  “Now, now Hermes, there’s no need for yelling.  Use your inside voice.  Oh, and how did the driving test go?”

Only through sheer willpower was Leela able to keep from throttling the old man.  Not for the first time the cyclops realized how dangerous a place the world would be if she was a little more impulsive.  Dangerous for the world that is.

“For the last time, “ said the PE captain through clenched teeth. “I took the exam, but the DMV didn’t pass me.  I mean geez, you hit a billboard or two or mentally scar a bunch of kids for life and suddenly you’re a ‘hazard to humanity’.”

“Oh fuff, they called me the same thing after I unleashed those atomic powered, flesh-eating gerbils on the city last fall.  It doesn’t mean anything.”

“Then you’ll still let me be captain?”

The old man waddled over to Leela’s side and wrapped a wrinkly arm around the depressed woman’s shoulder.  “There there,” he said, “I’d never fire you over something like this.  That’s Hermes’ job.”

Hermes walked up and handed Leela a pink piece of paper.  “Your fired,” he said.


fryismyhero

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #385 on: 02-08-2006 16:27 »

 
Quote
Hermes was busy alphabetizing a stack of anonymous forms.

Aah, the cycle of beauracracy...

This is really good.  Poor Leela- can't wait to find out what happens...is Fry going to be the new pilot? (God help us all if that's the case  big grin )

I only have one nitpick, the part where Leela is with the instructor probably should have a break before it.  I thought at first that she was still talking to the  DMV lady.

 
Quote
I mean geez, you hit a billboard or two or mentally scar a bunch of kids for life and suddenly you’re a ‘hazard to humanity’.

Also hilarious!
Corvus

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #386 on: 02-08-2006 17:29 »
« Last Edit on: 02-08-2006 17:29 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by soylentOrange:
Not for the first time the cyclops realized how dangerous a place the world would be if she was a little more impulsive. Dangerous for the world that is.

Oh my no, surely Leela wouldn't be dangerous for the world if she was a bit more impulsive. What could she possible do? Buy new boots with a crazy green stripe?   big grin

 
Quote
Originally posted by soylentOrange:
 I mean geez, you hit a billboard or two or mentally scar a bunch of kids for life and suddenly you’re a ‘hazard to humanity’.

Heh, mentally scar a few kids. Funny!   smile
Hit a billboard or two? Fuf! She does that once a week, as that would be a 'hazard to humanity' at all!   big grin

 
Quote
Originally posted by soylentOrange:
If she played her cards right, no one would know she was back until Fry and Bender returned from the delivery.

Considering Fry's flying skills will they return at all?   eek

Interesting story, Leela fired, Fry flying the ship as well as being a delivery boy. Can't wait to see where you're going with this.


------------------
"You don't know what quiet is until you lose all power on a space station."

David A. Wolf
Venus

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #387 on: 02-08-2006 22:24 »

Freakin awesome man. i *heart* you.
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #388 on: 02-09-2006 00:34 »

 
Quote
After all, she only added another half a car length. Or maybe it was five car lengths. It was always so hard to tell…

Too funny.  You're becoming a hazard to humanity: a hilarious hazard.

Sorry I haven't been around much.  The PEELies have kept me occupied for most of my online time over the past two...make that three and half, months.  But now that work on that has petered to a close, I can promise more time to read and comment on fanfics.  I read all of your updates since mid-November and I've been impressed.  To do my usual run-through would take forever, so it'll suffice to say they were enjoyable and well-written.  My only beef would be the abruptness of the ending of the Xmas one.
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #389 on: 02-09-2006 12:51 »

thanks for the comments guys  smile

@Fryismyhero: you're right, that did need a break.  All fixed.  big grin 

@Corvus: Well it's not like she'd kill the entire Planet Express Crew and seduce fry to keep him quiet, that's for sure  wink

@Venus: glad ya liked it. 

@DrThunder: Hey, you didn't die after all!  You're wrong though.  I'm not becoming a hazard to humanity, I've been one since the day the government was foolish enough to hand me my driver's license  big grin
Leo

Delivery Boy
**
« Reply #390 on: 02-09-2006 13:38 »

Hey esso. Had my internet connection terminated for a couple of weeks, I promise I haven't gone AWOL on ya.

 
Quote
Leela glanced at the piece of paper she had been handed. “Twenty-three. Well that’s not too bad. I’ll be out of here in no time.” Then she moved her thumb and noticed the six that came after the three. “Aww fuck”.

The 'Most gratuitous use of the word 'fuck' in a Futurama fanfic' award goes to you.
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #391 on: 02-12-2006 23:50 »

@leo: <mayor west> gratuitous yes, unnecessary yes. </mayor west>
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #392 on: 02-13-2006 00:33 »

I too intend to begin reading other people's work again, and this was a great start.  More comedy fic is always a good thing.  Keep at it.

 
Quote
“You wha?!”

“I said, I failed the test.”

“You what?!” Farnsworth tapped at his hearing aid.
Simple and effective, made me laugh quite a bit.

BTW: "Oh come on, I staid in my lane"  should be "stayed" 
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #393 on: 02-14-2006 19:04 »

@JBERGES: glad you liked it  smile

Here's part 2.  It's on the short side, but it's all I've had time for.  Hopefully I'll get a chance to do one more big update before spring break that's coming up in a couple of weeks.  Enjoy  smile

part 1
chapter 2

“…  So anyway, that’s why I need my old job back.” 

The early-evening sunlight streamed in through the 64th floor windows of Applied Cryogenics.   Leela had to squint to distinguish the figure sitting behind the large mahogany desk from the glare that surrounded him like a halo. 

“Oh, Leela, I would most certainly love to give you a job.”  Ipgee’s patent Indian accent made Leela think about smiling.  Still, she couldn’t help but wonder how out of all of the people she’d come across in her time as starship captain, his had been the only such accent she’d heard.

“But, “ continued Ipgee, “I’m afraid I don’t have a position for a delivery boy.”

Leela sighed.  “For the last time sir, that was my friend’s career chip.  They got mixed up somehow while I was implanting them.”

“Ah, the pointy haired idiot that was always saying ‘what up?’, yes I remember him.  He was the best cryogenics councilor we ever had, until he mysteriously vanished.”

“He didn’t mysteriously vanish, he and his girlfriend froze themselves in one of your tubes; well at least until someone dumped them in a ditch and the tube woke them up again…  Hey, wait a minute…   Fry was a better cryogenics councilor that I was?”

“Shiva yes, even better than you.  He was so good that most of the defrostees he counseled decided to freeze themselves again right away.  We’ve never had so many repeat customers.  Now let me see your hand so I can verify that you really have the right chip”

Leela held out her palm while Ipgee scanned it with a small handheld device.  The hoverscreen over the man’s desk uttered a muffled beep, and the words ‘Cryogenics Councilor’ flashed into existence in green print.

“Ah yes, very good.  How someone in a society that fires people into the sun for not doing the job the government assigned them managed to have so many different careers, I do not know, but as long as that screen says ‘cryogenics councilor’ it does not matter to me.”

Leela relaxed noticeably.  “thanks Ipgee.  I really appreciate it.”  That was a bit of an understatement really.  If Ipgee had turned her down, her next stop would have been the horrible pizza place down the street; after she illegally swapped career chips again of course.


The full moon was directly overhead when Leela finally made it back to her apartment building.  The cyclops had gone from her interview with Ipgee straight to her old office to restore it to the way she liked it.  That had been a mistake.  Some screwball from the 21st century had thawed out around 9 o’clock, and Leela was forced to deal with him.  The people from the stupid ages were the worst  They invariably did something to warrant their epoch’s less than illustrious title.  Some stared slack jawed at Leela’s eye; others ran away from the career chip implanter.  A few of the geekier ones had even been known to give lectures on how various things from the 31st century defied the laws of physics.  Of course, they were too ignorant to know that the real laws of physics hadn’t been discovered until 2216. 

Leela paused as her room came into view.  A familiar red, blue, and pink shape was sitting hunched over against her door. 

“Fry?”, she asked.  The only response was the sound of steady breathing.  Leela walked over to her sleeping friend.   “Fry, ” she called again, but the delivery boy just mumbled something incoherent and started to snore.  “Come on Fry, wake up.  I need to get into my apartment.”  Leela bent down and placed a hand on her friend’s shoulder.  The effect was explosive.

“Bender no!  I need that to breathe!”, screamed the delivery boy as he bolted to his feet.  He stood pressed against the wall with his arms protecting his chest for a long moment before his brain began to process the information that his eyes were sending it.

Finally he relaxed.  “Oh Leela, it’s you!  I was dreaming about that time when Bender stole my lungs.  Thanks for waking me up.”

“Uhh, don’t mention it.”  Leela stood up.  “But Fry, why on Earth were you sleeping in front of my door?”

It took a second for Fry’s mind to switch gears.  “What?  Oh right…  Umm, well when I got back from the delivery I was hoping that you’d take me up in the ship for more flying lessons, but when I asked the professor where you were he told me that Hermes fired you.  I came here right after work to see how you were doing, but I guess I fell asleep.  Heh, running from those Necrons must have taken more out of me than I thought.”

Leela smiled at her friend.  “That was very sweet of you Fry.”  The cyclops opened the door.  “Want to come in for some coffee?”, she asked.

The delivery boy’s eyes grew wide.

“Don’t get any funny ideas Fry.  By coffee I mean coffee… nothing else.”

“Oh don’t worry Leela, “ snickered the red head, “there wasn’t anything funny about the ideas I was getting.”

The cyclops narrowed her eye just long enough to make Fry wonder if she was going to slam the door in his face, and then walked into her apartment.  Fry waited until Leela’s hands were no longer in range of the doorknob before he followed her inside.


“I really need to furnish this place.”    It didn’t matter how many times she said this to herself, for some reason Leela never actually went through with it.  Other than a single armchair, a television, and a digital clock the main room was basically empty.  Fry had been at a loss as to where to sit when Leela plopped herself down in the chair.  Eventually he’d just settled on leaning against the tv.

“…  And that’s how Bender and I fought off the entire Necronian death legion with nothing more than a pool cue and one of Bender’s empty beer bottles.”

“Uh-huh.  I’m sure that MacGyver guy you’re always talking about would have been proud.  Anyway, So who’s the new captain?“

Fry’s face brightened.  Consequently, Leela felt a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.

“The professor hasn’t decided yet,” Fry admitted, “but until we can find someone crazy or desperate enough to want the job, he’s letting me fly the ship!”

Leela was incredulous.  “No way!  He’s letting you pilot his ship?  After you crashed it through the wall not 24 hours ago?!”

“Well Amy can’t do it because her classes start up in a couple of weeks, Hermes is too busy handling the paperwork, everybody hates Zoidberg for some reason, and you remember what happened the last time we let Bender drive the ship.”

Oh yes, Leela remembered.  How could she not?  It had taken more than a day of digging with picks and shovels to dislodge the ship from that neutron star.  Worst of all, she was still finding bits of degenerate matter on her clothing.  No matter what she tried, she just couldn’t get rid of the stuff.  Of course, it wouldn’t be that much of a problem if it weren’t for the fact that a tablespoon of the stuff weighed more than four trillion pounds on Earth.  No, Bender could not be allowed near the pilot’s seat under any circumstances. 

“Yeah, I guess you’re the best choice for the job,” Leela grudgingly agreed “I guess you’ll need my old career chip then.”  The cyclops slipped a hand into her hip pocket and pulled out the tiny slab of silicon, but Fry stopped her before she could rummage through her handbag for the career chip gun.

“No, that’s alright Leela.  No one who cares knows that I don’t have the right chip.  You hold on to it for awhile.  It might help you remember the good old days when you’re job didn’t suck and you got to work with all of your friends.”

“Uhh, thanks.  I think.”

“Hey, making you feel better is what I’m for.”  Fry happened to glance at the clock.  “Wow, it’s already 2:30.  Sorry Leela, but I need to get going.  If I don’t get home before Bender does, he’ll steal all my stuff again.”

Leela sighed and stood up.  “Yeah, I guess I should probably get some rest too.  I have to be at Applied Cryogenics at 7:30 to defrost some guy named Walt Disney.” 
 
Fry followed his friend to the door and waited for her to open it.  As the door swung open, the Leela turned to look at him.  Fry smiled at her.

Leela smiled back.  Fry really was so awfully sweet, and he always meant well.  She had always known that someday there would be more between them than simple friendship, but now that they didn’t work together anymore that might never happen.  “Maybe I should say something, “ she thought.  It would be so easy to just tell him how she felt, it would just take a sentence or two.  He was a good person.  Leela knew that he wouldn’t hurt her like all of those other men had.  Why then was it so impossible for her to speak?

While Leela fought through a turmoil of uncertainty, Fry had plenty of time to wish her a good night, wave, and walk calmly away. 

“Fry, wait!” Leela called after him, but the elevator doors had already closed.
Arkan

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #394 on: 02-14-2006 20:52 »

Aaww!!  love

 
Quote
He was so good that most of the defrostees he counseled decided to freeze themselves again right away. We’ve never had so many repeat customers.

Funny.

 
Quote
I was dreaming about that time when Bender stole my lungs.

Disturbing.

Keep it up! This is a great story, and there's not enough of those around.  smile
Corvus

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #395 on: 02-15-2006 07:33 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by soylentOrange:
“Well Amy can’t do it because her classes start up in a couple of weeks, Hermes is too busy handling the paperwork, everybody hates Zoidberg for some reason, and you remember what happened the last time we let Bender drive the ship.”

"Everybody hates Zoidberg" That sounds like a TV show.  big grin

Bender driving the ship... into a neutron star?! Dude, that's heavy.  tongue
My only question is, how did they escape the gravity... of it all? Ahahahah, I crack myself up. Ok, bad pun.  big grin
 
Quote
Originally posted by soylentOrange:
“Yeah, I guess I should probably get some rest too. I have to be at Applied Cryogenics at 7:30 to defrost some guy named Walt Disney.”

Heh, nice piece of urban myth reference there. In real life he was cremated and buried. But that doesn't make it less funny.  smile

"Finding your true love is like winning the lottery, it always happens to someone else."
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #396 on: 02-15-2006 19:20 »

@Arkan: I'm glad you like it.  I just wish Jberges, Layla, and Venus would update more often...

@Corvus: that's puntastic!  I agree, everybody hates Zoidberg could be a tv show in the futuramaverse.  Everybody would watch it  smile
JBERGES

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #397 on: 02-15-2006 21:44 »
« Last Edit on: 02-15-2006 21:44 »

Was the Walt Disney thing a pop culture reference, or a reference to the fact that 'Walt Disney' was originally the prank call Fry received in SP3K?

Good lines included, but were not limited to:
“I need that to breathe,” 
Fry causing repeat customers
The idea of shoveling degenerate matter

Really funny stuff overall, and you’re pandering to the shippers too, so everyone will love you!  You’re improving as a writer before my very eyes.   

Arg, I know it has different meaning, but I keep thinking ‘very eyes’ suggests that there are varying degrees of eyes.

'You’re improving in front of my somewhat eyes...  I mean, in front of my just barely eyes... they’re more like ears when you get down to it... I uh... guess the important thing is that you’re improving... not that I’m some sort of freak who has eyes that aren’t extremely very much so eyes.'


...right... anyway, if that hasn’t scared you off you’ll get an update from me tonight or tomorrow.
soylentOrange

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #398 on: 02-15-2006 22:15 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by JBERGES:
Was the Walt Disney thing a pop culture reference, or a reference to the fact that 'Walt Disney' was originally the prank call Fry received in SP3K?

Walt Disney was the original prank call?  I had no idea...  I like IC Weiner better  big grin
NIC2001

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #399 on: 02-16-2006 19:18 »

Well it's been a wile since I've look here...

Nice work Soylent! I like your new story so far.

Keep it up!
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