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Author Topic: Dan's Craptacular Fan Fiction  (Read 505 times)
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Dan1248

Professor
*
« on: 09-17-2005 17:20 »
« Last Edit on: 09-06-2007 00:00 by Nixorbo »

I'm gonna start making Futurama Fan Fictions. Here's episode I

FUTURAMA - Episode I - The Pirate Menace
- - - - - - - - - - As Seen on your Pirate DVD - - - - - - - - - -

At Planet Express
Professor: Good news everyone! You'll be making a delivery to the planet Schegshimyimjimyames XI.
Fry: Great. Of all the days to do a delivery, you pick a working day.
Professor: Why did you show up today if you're just going to sit there watching TV?
Fry: Because it's free.
Professor: You're fired!
Fry: I already did!

Later
Professor: Okay Zoidberg, looks like you're the smartest one around here, because I've fired everyone else. You'll have to do the delivery, or do I have to fire you aswell?
Zoidberg: Hooray! I'm helping! So whats the cargo already?
Professor: This chest, full of treasure.
Zoidberg: Bah! Get Zoidberg to deliver the worthless paperweights.
Professor: This is gold dammit! Not like you'd know what that is. Now, I've put the auto-pilot on so don't mess it up! Now get going !

* Zoidberg gets onto the Planet Express ship and takes off.
Zoidberg: Zoidberg takes off, and the crowd goes wild!
* Imitates crowds cheering
Zoidberg: Who would want such garabage? Gold they speak of? Hah, it's worthless compared to this boot.
*Looks out the window and sees a Space Pirate Ship
Zoidberg: Ooh look, another ship. Friends maybe?

Meanwhile
Captain Bluebeard: Arr! Prepare to send transmition!
Slave: Aye Aye, Ma'am.
Captain Bluebeard: I be not a Ma'am!!! ARR!!!

Zoidberg: Ooh, a transmition
Captain Bluebeard: Ahoy! Prepare to be boarded! Arr! Harr! Harr!

* Captain Bluebeard and two slaves climb aboard the Planet Express ship.
Captain Bluebeard: Give us ye booty!
Zoidberg: Never! This is my boot! Take the worthless gold!
* Runs and cowers in the corner grasping the boot.
Captain Bluebeard: Yarr! Gold! AH! HA! HARR! Men, get the gold!
* Captain Bluebeard and his slaves take the treasure chest and fly away.

Later
Captain Bluebeard: I got me some treasure! Wait! What the barnicle?! This be not gold you filthy bilge rats! It be plastic!!!

Meanwhile at the Robot arms Appartments
Bender: Hey, whats wrong with you?
Fry: I got fired. How the hell am I supposed to get minimum wage?
Bender: If you take the fall for my incident at the Big Apple Bank, I'll give you 1% of this treasure.
* Opens compartment to reveal the REAL treasure.
Fry: Where did you get that?!
Bender: I stole it from the professor yesterday. Why d'you think I didn't show up for work today?
Fry: It's a working day?!

THE END
By - Dan Wingus

What do you think? I'll probably make more soon   smile

commie detector

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #1 on: 09-17-2005 17:30 »

thats is decent.... YAYH! decentcy!
Demeter

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #2 on: 09-18-2005 23:44 »

Cute. I like Zoidberg's bit...

Captain Bluebeard: Give us ye booty!
Zoidberg: Never! This is my boot! Take the worthless gold!
* Runs and cowers in the corner grasping the boot.

Great short story
hotrod zoidberg

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #3 on: 09-18-2005 23:48 »

i like it
really like there personalities
DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #4 on: 09-19-2005 03:43 »

Dan, I have to ask before I review your fic:
  • Is English your primary language?
  • Are you under 15 years of age?
M0le

Space Pope
****
« Reply #5 on: 09-19-2005 04:21 »

Nice job stealing jokes already used in the show, Dan.
chay´s head

Space Pope
****
« Reply #6 on: 09-19-2005 08:21 »

^ just about to say the same thing.
Slackit02

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #7 on: 09-19-2005 10:20 »

Craptastic isnt the right word.  No, find one much, much worse.
Dan1248

Professor
*
« Reply #8 on: 09-19-2005 10:43 »

Thanks for all the good comments. To the bad ones, don't judge the story by the fact that I wrote it..

 
Quote
Originally posted by M0le:
Nice job stealing jokes already used in the show, Dan.
Like what? I didn't steal anything. Oh, I used "I already did" thats it. And thats the sort of thing Fry would say anyway.

Slackit02 - it's Craptacular, not craptastic

DrThunder88 - English is my primary language. I am nearly 15.


 

DrThunder88

DOOP Secretary
*
« Reply #9 on: 09-19-2005 14:21 »

Okay, groovy.  Your mechanics are pretty good, so I figured you spoke English (also indicated by your profile), but I always ask those two questions when I'm about to post constructive criticism.

It's a pretty entertaining story, but it is very short.  In fact, it's extremely short.  And while size isn't everything, this story feels very abrupt.    Stories of any type or length should have a beginning, middle, and end.  Yours seems to be lacking the last two.  You've set up Zoidberg for some great misadventure, and then nothing much hapened.  You set up Fry for some sort of escapade, and nothing happened.  Not to mention there wasn't much of any conclusion to any of it.  And where did that boot come from?  Speaking of boots, where was Leela throughout this story?  I know the Professor said he fired everyone else, but major events happening to main characters should probably be mentioned more than just in passing.

I think other jokes you may be accused of borrowing from the show were "As Seen on your Pirate DVD" which looks a lot like "Coming soon to an illegal DVD" and "Zoidberg: Zoidberg takes off, and the crowd goes wild!* Imitates crowds cheering" which is a lot like Zoidberg's line in RTEW.

It has potential, but it needs a great deal of work.
Jonny Wobbs

Bending Unit
***
« Reply #10 on: 09-23-2005 15:39 »

Fantastic  smile Do you like English?
Benders_Fan

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #11 on: 10-06-2005 20:36 »

I like it it's cool!
PumaGirl

Starship Captain
****
« Reply #12 on: 10-07-2005 12:01 »

 
Quote
Originally posted by Benders_Fan:
I like it it's cool!

Now that's what I call a useful review  roll eyes
Benders_Fan

Urban Legend
***
« Reply #13 on: 10-19-2005 18:12 »
« Last Edit on: 10-19-2005 18:12 »

Oh be quiet PumaGirl.(HaHa)  laff
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