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Author Topic: A fan fic (Run for your freakin lives!!!)  (Read 554 times)
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Delivery Boy
« on: 07-12-2005 23:15 »

Here's a little something I'm compiling for the TLZ website. I figured I post the first half of the story for your pleasure. Dunno when the rest of it will be completed so, don't hold your breath...   



Planet Express Building,
New New York,
July 10th 3002:

It had been a rough week for the crew. Leela, Fry and Bender had just finished a delivery to Wolfenstein 3. The planet was ruled by the "Fourth" Reich, and Bender, in his usual self angered the leader of the new national socialists workers party which coincidentally was a robot with the Brain of Adolf Hitler. The three employees escaped with their lives by the skin of their teeth, but the Planet Express ship took some serious missile and laser damage courtesy of the Space Luftwaffe. The crew were chilling out on the couch on the employee lounge when they heard the most horrible bone-chilling words since Jessica Simpson Version 4.0...

"Good News Everyone!" boomed Professor Farnsworth.

Fry and Bender groaned in unison. Fry comically slapped his forehead while Bender, with a flick of his wrist muted his volume. Leela sighed and looked up from the bestseller she was reading and looked into the 160 year-old man's wrinkled face.

"What is it now? Can't you see we're exhausted?"

"Oh bull-crap!" The Professor snapped, re-adjusting his glasses. "I have no time for your complaining Leela. I need you and Fry to help me with something in my laboratory."

"Wait hold up," Fry said. "Why can't Bender come and help us?"

"Because dammit!" Farnsworth grumbled "Bender has been working hard these past few weeks, and he deserves some time off!"

"Heh heh heh," Bender chuckled with pride. "See ya later skintubes." Bender turned away to his self-appointed "chumps" and lit a Zuban.


"Okay what do you want us to do?" Leela asked impatiently. She and Fry had made some reservations at Elzar's tonight. It would seem like a good way to relieve the stress and overwork of last week's shipments.-If the Crackpot's latest foray didn't kill them first.

"Just stand over there for a second," the Professor pointed to a table of beakers and test tubes. Fry and Leela watched with mild interest as the Professor wheeled out a large object draped under a white sheet. He lifted one of the corners.

"Behold! MY TIME MACHINE!" He threw away the sheet revealing a porta-potty like structure with lots of dials switches and lights flashing like something out of Sci-Fi show from the stupid ages. In the top left hand corner there was a digital clock showing the present date and location in green LED numbers and letters.

"So what?" Fry said boringly "We've all seen it before..."

"You have?" Farnsworth replied quizzically.

"Yeah," Leela interjected. That thing brought all those people from that 20th century TV show into our world. King of something I think." (See "I wish I were in Arlen" for details)

"Well anyway," the Professor continued not caring, "I've re-calibrated after the last incident, and..."

"You need guinea pigs right!?" Leela continued. "Why us Professor? Why can't you use Zoidberg? He's the expendable one!

A moaning sound was heard outside the lab.

"Because I hate him!"

Another moan was heard.

"Did you hear something?" Fry asked.

"No," Leela replied. The Professor scooted over to the machine and opened a panel on the side. He began to tinker with some of the interior circuits.

"Now just a few more twists, and I should have this thing working at 100% power."

Suddenly, the machine began to whir and a blinding flash and thick smoke enveloped the room. After a few seconds the smoke cleared and the Professor stood hunched over the machine coughing heavily. After a few moments, he saw the unmistakable outline of Fry and Leela's silhouettes. It was something like those pictures taken after Hiroshima showing the outlines of people vaporized in the blast. The Professor looked around for any sign of his employees. He felt the icy hand of fear clasped around his shoulder. Oh lord! now I'll have to fill out some more stupid ads for space captains and delivery boys in the want ads. I wish Hermes hadn't taken the week off... A loud audible beeping sound jolted Farnsworth from his thoughts. He turned and shuffled to the electronic readout on the screen above him. His eyes widened in horror.

Subjects:  -FRY, PHILIP J.
           -LEELA, TURANGA

Date Of Departure: JULY 10th 3002
Date Of Arrival: MARCH 18th 1968


"Oh my," the Professor said to himself softly. His words made a deep echo in the silent room.


The buzzing of Insects and brought Leela to her senses. She stirred, but he head pounded fiercely, with a grunt, she propped herself up and rubbed her forehead vigorously to ease the headache. The pain coursing through her reminded her of Bender's birthday bash where she got completely hammered. Leela shook the thoughts from her mind and examined her surroundings.

Leela had been in some Jungles before on other planets but this one defied belief. Thick canopy of trees blotted out the sun and shafts of sunlight poked through openings in the dense foliage. The air, like most jungles or rainforests, was hot and humid. Leela found it stifling. She rose to her feet and checked herself for injuries. There were none and in response she muttered a short prayer They say the worst thing happen to you in a place like this is to be injured. medical assistance would be non-existent.

How long have I been out? Minutes? Hours? Where the hell am I? The thoughts were racing through her brain like Formula 1 Hovercar at the Indy 5000. She looked around and noticed that Fry was missing. The thought of the man who loved her deeply gone forever worried her despite her tough, boyish exterior. Suddenly she got the feeling she was not alone. Instinctively she grabbed a nearby branch as big as a 10 year old's leg and hid behind a thick-trunked tree in ambush.

C'mon, a little closer you bastard...

When she thought the time was right, Leela jumped out, tackled the stranger with the force of an NFL Quarterback and prepared to strike when she heard the man cry out in fear.

"Leela! What the hell are you doing!? It's me Fry!!!"

Leela froze. After what seemed like an eternity, the branch fell from her hands and she bent down at her friend and leaned in closer.

"Fry is that really you?"

"Yeah! Who else did you expect? Steve Austin Version 1.0?"

"Oh Fry," She leaned in closer as if to whisper to him and gave Fry a slap that echoed across the jungle.

"Owww! What'd I do!?"


"Leela I'm so, so sor-" His words were choked off in his throat as Leela planted her lips on his in a deep and meaningful kiss. Fry desperately tapped her shoulder in an attempt to get air into his lungs. She relented.

"Holy crap!" He gasped. "I'm breathless! Literally! "

Leela smiled for a few seconds and reverted back to her default Captain mode. "Do you know where we are?"

Fry shook his head. "I haven't seen anything that closely resembles civilization" he paused..."Hey! maybe we went back to the age of the Dinosaurs!"

"God I hope not," Leela grimaced.

"That would be so cool!" Fry trailed off, "They’ve like RRROOOARRRRR!!! and we be like AHHHHHH!!!! and the cavemen would be like-"


"Oh, sorry Leela" Fry's Face turned red.

Leela checked her Wrist-Lojack-Amater(TM) and began scanning the surrounding area with it. "Well, I'm not picking up any other life forms..." She tensed up in fear.

"What is it?" Fry asked "Space cow?"

Leela ignored the comment. "We got contacts moving a few yards away they're heading right for us! Hide!" She and Fry took cover behind a large log and a jumble of rocks (Convenient huh?) in the hopes of avoiding detection.

"Keep quiet Fry," Leela warned.

"I'm trying to!" fry whispered.

The minutes ticked by. To Fry, they felt like hours. Soon the shapes of human forms dressed in Khaki materialized out of the foliage. Many of them wore tropical style pith helmets with stars in the middle or field caps. They shouldered an assortment of weapons not seen for over a thousand years...Projectile weapons. They had East Asian facial features and were lugging machine guns, assault rifles and a nasty looking tube with a high explosive warhead on one end. The lead man put his hand up and the others in line stopped as if in unison. Leela watched intently as they onwards after a few minutes.

God that was close... Fry thought, Then He heard the sickening snap of twigs. His heart sank when the twigs were under his feet. Suddenly five or six automatics were aimed at them. Cocked, loaded and with the safety catches off.

There was silence except for the constant buzzing of insects. Then, a man dressed in a sweat stained officers uniform with a loaded side arm approached the two and began to jabber in his native tongue. Leela looked over at Fry confused. Fry gave an "I don’t know" shrug.

" wish Amy was here," Leela said. The Officer heard this and pistol whipped Leela in the back of the head with the gun. She fell forward crying out in pain.

"YOU SONOFABITCH!!!" Fry spat venomously. One of the men aimed his weapon directly at Fry's forehead. The soldier gave an "I dare you smile," so cold Fry felt he was shivering. The Officer spoke again and the two prisoners were hauled to their feet. Next, their Hands were bound with rope and were forced to march with their captors struggling to keep themselves from keeling over. They were prodded along with loaded rifles and shouts of didi mau!!! didi mau!!! Fry felt that expression being tattooed onto his brain with a wood burner. Leela's head was throbbing heavily. She could not keep her balance, and she plopped down the ground exhausted and in obvious pain. It hurt Fry to see his best friend in this condition. One of the soldiers started kicking her in the kidneys to get her moving.   


The trek to the NVA supply camp was a grueling one for Fry and Leela. Along the way, they constantly endured the pain of having the muzzles of automatic rifles jabbed into their sides in order to hurry them up. For Fry it was worse; The enemy had broken two of his ribs and every time he breathed, his voice sounded something like a diseased smoker on his last gasp. Leela cringed every time Fry wheezed. She felt her head pounding heavily. The bad head wound she sustained at the hands of her captors was killing her. She wanted desperately to relieve the pain, but her hands were tied behind her back and she had a rope around her neck in order to keep her from escaping. Fry was trussed up in a similar way, and the soldiers took great pleasure in pushing them along like two stray dogs going to the pound.

The heat was absolutely unbearable, and the canopy of trees did very little to alleviate the stress and fatigue of the two hapless time travelers. Even when they finally arrived at the camp, their suffering did not end. The sound of thunder rolled across the jungle, and as if on cue from some other being, a torrential downpour of rain soaked them to the bone. The soldiers didn't appear to mind. Leela figured that months of sleeping on in the dirt and muck of this hellhole numbed their senses. One of the soldiers, a scrawny 20 something year old kid with a gap in his teeth eyed Leela's rain-saturated tank top. She looked down and saw that the outline of her breasts showed behind the fabric. Her eye narrowed in anger, and she shot the aroused soldier the biggest "Drop F***ing Dead" look in her life. Fry was too exhausted and wracked with pain to care anymore. He plopped down on his knees into the muck which covered his jeans. The soldiers began to kick him in order to get him back on his feet.

"For god's sake he's hurt!" Leela pleaded. For her troubles, the patrol's leader came up and suckered punched Leela in the solar plexus. Leela gasped for oxygen and collapsed into the mud. She felt the rope "collar" dig into her neck. The soldiers just stood by with amused smiles and made jokes about the two people they captured. After a few moments they were pushed-shoved is a more better description into a crudely constructed bamboo hut. There, Fry and Leela were introduced to a round-faced Asian man whose uniform was be-decked with several medals. On his hip was a Tokarev semi-automatic pistol nestled in a leather holster. He grinned as he lit a cigarette and blew the smoke in Leela's face.

"That stuff will kill you one of these days," Fry chuckled despite his present situation. Leela tried to keep a straight face. The officer was not amused, and rewarded Fry with a punch to his shattered ribs. He fell screaming in pain. Leela closed her eye which began to get red with the tears streaming down her face. The officer looked straight at Fry's broken body and directly into Leela's face.

"Who are you?" The officer asked.

"Uhhh..." Leela tried to think of something but was cut off as the officer began to hit her repeatedly in the face, leaving a series of purplelish bruises, angry red welts, and blood gushing from her brow, nostrils, and mouth.

"I’m not going to ask you again American pig!" The officer screamed into Leela's ear with rage. "Who are you!?"

Leela spat a mouthful of blood into the man's face. "Go f*** yourself @$$hole," she hissed. The officer continued to pummel her until her face was hideously bruised and scarred. Her eye was swollen to the size of a cantaloupe from the beatings, and covered in blood. Fry felt tears welling up in his eyes. He wanted to nothing better to do than reach up and rip the f***ing man's head off his shoulders but he was powerless. I cant do anything to save her, he sobbed. She's going to die because of me, and I can't do a goddamm thing to save her. He wished the soldiers would put a bullet in his head right now and get it over with.

"You do not wish to co-operate freak?" The officer asked vehemently. "Very well then," he pointed to one of the two guards in the tiny room. "We'll see how resilient you are after this," The guards hauled Leela to her feet and tied her hands to a supporting beam in the hut. The officer bent down to a chest and pulled out a cylindrical object. It was an acetylene blowtorch.

"You sick bastard!" Fry wept. "You Mother****ing cowardly piece of s***!" The officer ignored him and lit the torch. He smiled again as a blue flame came spurting out the nozzle. Leela struggled against her bonds but it was useless. The flame began to singe her skin. She cried out in pain. Never in her years of being a spaceship captain had she shown fear, but now she was terrified. "FRY!!! HELP ME!!!" Leela wept uncontrollably.

Fry was beside himself. Then the little voices inside his head began talking.

Goddamit Fry! get off your ass and save her!!!

"I can't!" he cried. Leela's screams pierced his eardrums like knitting needles.

You lazy SOB! She loves you! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHHHHHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


The next few seconds were all a blur. It was like the events at the museum when he drank 100 cups of coffee. Somehow. Someway. By some extraordinary feat of endurance which Fry felt was all but gone, he grabbed the assault rifle of the guard nearest to him and ventilated the man with an entire clip of 7.62mm ammo. The bastard was cut in two. His blood and intestinal tract stained the ground. The second guard suffered the agony of receiving  five rounds of high-velocity ammo imbedded into his skull. The man's head disappeared as it was cleanly shot away revealing a rotting stump of muscle and viscera stained crimson, but showing a piece of arctic white vertebrae.

The officer dropped the still glowing blowtorch and fumbled for the Tokarev at his hip. Leela, seeing what happened delivered a devastating kick to the surprised man's jaw. Her heavy duty boots shattered his jaw. The officer dropped to the ground writhing in pain. However, he managed to summon the strength to un-holster his side arm and aimed it directly at Leela’s forehead. 

“Oh s***,” Fry gasped. He frantically searched around until he saw the blowtorch lying on the ground still emitting flame. He reached over and smiled wickedly as the flame seared the officer’s face, melting his skin. The loaded pistol dropped uselessly from his hands. Fry, with hatred in his eyes grabbed the gun, and promptly shot the man in the head. Adios motherf***er, better you than me, Fry chuckled to himself. He snapped out of his “rage mode,” and searched around the un-godly mess of blood and body parts until he finally saw what he was looking for. A bayonet attached to the web belt of one of the dead guards. He unsheathed it, and used it to cut his bonds. He repeated the Process with Leela. As the last piece of rope was cut, Leela jumped into Fry’s arms and kissed him* despite the pain wracking her body and face. 

Their happiness was interrupted by the sounds of shouts and of gunfire. Fry and Leela took cover behind some oil barrels and looked on in amazement and shock as the remaining NVA patrol was ambushed. Bullets tore the mud and rain soaked pathways apart. Bodies gyrated and blood spewed from dime sized holes in the unfortunate men's bodies. Grenades were thrown. Fry and Leela ducked to avoid the rain of shrapnel and body parts that flew through the air like Blernsballs at a NNY Yankees game. The gunfire chattered on for about a few minutes, and suddenly died away, leaving only the sound of the rain falling down incessantly.
Fry and Leela looked up from their hiding place, and stared at a large group of men dressed in OD fatigues with grenades, bandoleers of ammo slung over their bodies, and an assortment of assault rifles and machine guns strapped to them. One of the men, a tall, rugged looking guy with a OD bandanna was talking to a skinny looking soldier with a serious 5 O'clock shadow on his face.

"L-tee, We better get moving," one of the two guys said. "Charlie's going to be wondering where all that noise came from."

"Okay Sergeant," L-tee sighed. "Check that hootch for intelligence  and then get the rest of the men to move out," He pointed directly at the place where Fry and Leela were hiding.

"What are we going to do?" Leela whispered. Fry didn't answer. He still clutched the empty assault rifle.

Suddenly, one of the newcomers sighted Fry's hair poking out behind the oil barrels.

"Sarge! L-tee!" The man yelled. "We got live one's!"

"Charlie?" another soldier asked.

"No! Looks like they're ours," he replied. The man leaned in closer. "Holy s***! This ones only got one eye L-tee!"

"I'm not in the mood for jokes Percell!" L-tee snapped.

"What the hell's your problem Danny? You seeing things again man."

"Shut up Taylor!" He turned to the Sarge "I swear to god, she's a freakin' Cyclops!"

"A what!?" Taylor asked.

Fry tried to respond, but nothing came out. The cloak of unconsciousness covered him, and he gratefully accepted it.




PART 2:   


"Blast this infernal contraption!"

The Professor's voice boomed through the laboratory. Never in his 160+ years of existence had he been more angry than today. The time machine's insides had been removed to facilitate a complete overhaul. If Farnsworth couldn't get the damm thing working, Fry and Leela were very boned. Not only was he angry with the results of the experiment, but he was angry with the fact of trying to find replacements in case Leela and Fry never returned. DOOP had been recruiting large amounts of personnel to fill their depleted reserves following one of Zapp Brannigan's Idiotic and useless campaigns, and the market for replacement crews was slim pickings at best.

The professor kept cursing even as Amy, Bender, Scruffy, and Zoidberg entered. They looked at the ungodly mess around them.

"What the hell's with all the junk you old fart?" Bender snapped.

"Oh, one of my half-assed experiments backfired on me," Farnsworth replied not looking up from the wiring he was going through.

"Where's Fry and Leela?" Amy asked.

"Eh wha...?" The professor answered.

Amy sighed "I said where's Fry and Leela?"

Farnsworth’s face lit up. "Oh those two! I needed them to calibrate my time machine, but the damm thing went haywire!" He pointed to the digital readout on the time machine. "Apparently, they've gone back in time to 1968 during the Vietnam War!"

Amy, Zoidberg, and Scruffy's faces were a mix of shock and blank looks. Bender had a "I could care less" look on his face. "So what?" Bender replied as if everything was alright. "Old eyeball and the moron went back in time, It doesn’t affect me Bender." He took a puff of his Zuban and turned to the exit. "If any of you meatbags need me I'll be watching some "Scary Door" re-runs."

Amy was incredulous. "Bender! What hell is the matter with you!" she yelled. "We may never see Fry and Leela again!"

"So?" Bender muttered. "It's for the best anyway. Fry has been spending more time with that one-eyed bimbo than me anyway. Ever since that stupid opera, Its been "Leela this!" and "Leela that!" It sickens me!!!"
The last words spat out of Bender's mouth like venom.

Amy glared at the kleptomaniacal robot. If looks could kill, Bender B. Rodriguez would be a pile of molten scrap metal.

"This Viet-Nam," Zoidberg asked trying to pronounce the name properly. "Vat is it?"

"Step this way," the Professor gestured over to a large bookcase. He pulled a coffee table sized book caked in dust and blew on the cover. A huge cloud up and everybody coughed, well the human side at least. Amy and the others could still make out the gilded letters on the faded leather cover: "WARS OF THE STUPID AGES BY STEPHEN AMBROSE'S HEAD" He flipped past few pages until he came across a photo of soldiers standing in a burned down village with the bodies of dead women and children lying around. Amy cringed as she read the caption. "American soldiers and journalists stand over the remains of 300 Vietnamese men, women, and children following the massacre at the the tiny of My Lai, March 16th 1968. This event turned public opinion against the American government during the Vietnam war. Some say it was the turning point of the war..." She was in tears as she looked at the photo. She shuddered at the thought of Fry and Leela being in the middle of this. The professor turned a few more pages showing more photos. Planes showering the jungle with liquid fire, tanks rumbling through streets, soldiers with missing limbs, and the most poignant of all a soldier weeping over his fallen buddy.

"This is all your fault, If it wasn't for you Fry and Leela wouldn't be in this mess!" Her words burned like scalding hot water. She lunged at the Professor in the hope of ripping out his jugular vein with her bare hands. Zoidberg and Scruffy held her back to avoid any more problems. Zoidberg produced a syringe jabbed it into her arm. Amy went limp and Scruffy dragged her out the door. Zoidberg, his head hanging dejectedly, left too. Maybe a good meal in the dumpster would help ease the pain. Bender, despite his cold tough exterior and in your face interface could not help but be saddened a the situation. It was a long time before he spoke.

"Do you think they'll be able to make it back?"

"I don't know Bender," The professor sighed. "I'm going to give it my best though, but I can't guarantee anything."

Bender walked out the door, his foot cups clanking heavily on the floor.


The thump thump of chopper blades caused Fry to bolt straight out of his bed. He looked around. The medical ward he and Leela had been administered to was spotless. The smell of disenfectant was noxious but Fry tried to hide it. He had been drifting in an out of consciousness ever since the helicopter brought the two of them here a few days ago. His head throbbed heavily and he grimaced as he tried to massage his temples. He looked to his right. Leela had been sound asleep since she was brought here. She began to stir.

"You all right?" Fry asked thoughtfully.

Leela grunted in pain but she took it in stride as she propped herself up into a sitting position. "Yeah never better," she replied with a laugh. "My head's killing me."

"Yeah, I figured it would," Fry replied. "The leader of those bastards who captured us hit you in the back of the head with his pistol, so you'll probably be feeling that for a while." Leela simply nodded. "Where are we?"

"We'll I think we're on some sort of army base," Fry said. "I drifted in out of consciousness, but we're definitely on some sort of military base." He looked out the window behind him. He saw Helicopters on landing pads, their crews lounging around the machines. Jeeps zooming around, and troops in full combat gear or no gear at all wandering around. Fry also too notice of the slit trenches, foxholes, and guard towers with heavy machine guns manned and a the ready. Leela sighed heavily.

"What's wrong?" Fry asked.

"I dunno," Leela answered. "Its just...I don't know how we're going to get out of this one. A tear formed in her eye."

"Don't cry Leela," Fry said. "We've been through worse!" Leela smiled at Fry encouraging words. "I have to tell you something Fry."

"What is it?"

Leela took a long deep breath. "Fry I have appreciated everything you've done for me. Stopping me from marrying that jerk Alkazar, finding my parents, doing that opera for me despite that fact that you didn't have the robot devil's hands anymore, so I just wan't to say..." her voice trailed off.

"Yeah?" Fry asked inquisitively.

"I love you Fry."

Fry made some un-intelligible sounds in his mouth. He sounded like Kif whenever he was nervous.

"Fry?" Leela was a little concerned

"You honestly love me?"

"Yes, of course. I've loved you ever since we first saw each other. It took me a while to realize it though. See, I only blacked out when the shooting started."

"So?" Fry muttered.

"I heard everything you said to those guys. You risked your life to protect me. and then you risked it again to push me out of the line of fire when the place was ripped to hell by gunfire."

"I...I couldn't risk losing you Leela. Your the only friend I ever really had. Bender too, but I'm more of a chump to him."

The sound of footsteps brought Fry and Leela out of their reverie. They looked on as two men in grey uniforms one with Sergeant's stripes and the other with Lieutenant's bars on his cap approached their beds.

"Well, well, well L-tee," the Sergeant spoke first "Looks like they're awake."

"How are feeling?" The L.T. asked Leela.

"A bit better," Leela replied with a smile.

"I guess we owe you our lives," Fry said. "We'd be screwed if it we’ rent for you."

"Don't mention it," The sergeant said happily. "By the way, my names Sgt. Zeke Anderson, and this here's Lieutenant Myron Goldman." Goldman casually waved to the two patients. Goldman and Anderson tried not to stare for a long time at Leela' eye so as not to offend her.

"I see," Leela replied. "Well, might as well get it over with. My name's Turanga Leela of the Planet Express Delivery company and this here's my friend Philip J. Fry."

"Turanga Leela?" Anderson said slowly.

"Planet Express Delivery Company?" Goldman scratched his head.

Before Leela could continue, and ordely came up from behind Anderson and Goldman as if by magic.


"What is it soldier?"

"C.O. wants to debrief you on the mission you went on yesterday. He wants to talk with them," he pointed at Fry and Leela. “Debriefing is at 2130 sir.”   Goldman nodded, returned the soldier’s salute and watched as he scurried off. 

Anderson turned to the two strangers. "You going to be alright to go through with this?"

"We'll be fine Sergeant," Leela replied calmly.

"You can call me Zeke," Anderson corrected her.

"Alright," Goldman sighed. "We'll meet you two over at the C.O.'s hootch. The orderly will take care of you"

The two men left Leela and Fry behind and walked out into the sunlight.

"You understand any of what they said in there Sergeant?" Goldman asked.

"I dunno L-tee," Anderson said. "And just when I thought I understood this war..." 

To Be Continued…   



* Well, kissed isn’t really the word, more like frenching if you know what I mean…  wink

**I screwed up the date on the first Chapter of my actual story. It should have been July 10th 3004 seeing as I referenced  the opera in “The Devil’s Hands Are Idle Playthings.” 

***All my fan fics will take place after TDHAIP unless specified… 

Space Pope
« Reply #1 on: 07-13-2005 02:38 »

Interesting. I've never read one like this so I'll give you that. So I guess I'll do it the old fashion way and tell you what I liked and what I did not.

The Good:

1. I am very into the whole 60's and vietnam thing. I'm always trying to learn things about it.

2. The Jokes in this are pretty good. Like,

"Because dammit!" Farnsworth grumbled "Bender has been working hard these past few weeks, and he deserves some time off!"

3. It's always interesting to see one person's opinion on what did happen after TDHAIP.

Loved this,

Fry was beside himself. Then the little voices inside his head began talking.

Goddamit Fry! get off your ass and save her!!!

"I can't!" he cried. Leela's screams pierced his eardrums like knitting needles.

You lazy SOB! She loves you! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHHHHHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I loved it when Fry is hard on himself. This was well done.

I'm hoping you post the next part cause I'd like to know how it goes. And like all reviews theirs the good and the bad. (You're lucky there's no ugly).

The Bad:

Typos. But everyone does that.

Cusing: First of all, you don't need to censor it. TLZ won't censor it and PEEL won't either in case you didn't know. Second, and this is from experience, the cusing is overdosed. For this to be a dramatic piece you shouldn't have them all cusing each other out. The enemy has a right but I wouldn't let Fry or Leela do it. Like instead of this,

"You sick bastard!" Fry wept. "You Mother****ing cowardly piece of s***!"   

I'd have a dialouge of Fry questioning why are these soilders doing this?

I didn't actually buy the part where Leela gets all mad at Fry in the first part and does that kissing him/slaps him thing. The slapping part I understand. That's what she'd do. But then she gets soft on him. This would be more appealing to me if say, Leela didn't find him for a while and not just in a couple seconds. Cause you make Leela seem like she had been looking for him forever. But I do understand that she does that because she doesn't know where they are and she doesn't know where her hubby is.

Also this line,


Ok again, from my experience, capitalization when I read it makes me have a spaz attack. And if I could change somethings about my previous fics, it'd be uncapitalizing lines that I did capitalize. I don't know what it is but capitalization doesn't make me see that the person is angry or anything just annoyingly loud.

And Bender's line about how Fry and Leela have neglected him and he doesn't care about their whereabouts, no offense but I found that too harsh. Bender would crack down eventually, but I got a message that he'd never care. And don't get me wrong, that is a perfect example of Bender's carelessness, but it's too perfect.

"What is it?" Fry asked "Space cow?"

Again, I've learned that repeating lines from actual episodes doesn't flow. First off, in Love and Rocket, Fry said that line too many times anyway but seeing it again won't work. You should tweek that.

Ok, I'll stop hammering you. Keep going, you have a good story coming along. I like how discriptive you are with the violent scenes. Very good, but it could use work.

Delivery Boy
« Reply #2 on: 07-13-2005 10:22 »

Thanks for the review. Yeah I went over the top, I'll come straight out and admit it, but I like to think of this as a learning curve. Anyway, thanks for the review!

DOOP Secretary
« Reply #3 on: 07-13-2005 15:07 »

Space Luftwaffe

I'm torn between my love of putting "space" in front of something mundane to make it futuristic and suggesting this become "Spacewaffe."  In the end, it does its job well.

Amy was incredulous. "Bender! What hell is the matter with you!" she yelled. "We may never see Fry and Leela again!"

Should this be yelled?  Maybe I'm reading it incorrectly, but throughout that entire section Amy seemed way too fired-up to me.

Also, is it a joke that no one in the NVA camp seems to care that Leela is a cyclops?

I also agree with Spacedal about Leela's emotional shifting without a clutch upon their arrival in the 20th century.

"Hey! maybe we went back to the age of the Dinosaurs!"

"God I hope not," Leela grimaced.

"That would be so cool!" Fry trailed off, "They’ve like RRROOOARRRRR!!! and we be like AHHHHHH!!!! and the cavemen would be like-"

Classic Fry.  Some might say it's too similar to "Brannigan Begin Again," but I that Wheaties are the breakfast of champions...and also that constructions like that are probably common to the way Fry speaks.

This is probably the most violent shipfic I've ever read.  I'm not a big fan of violence, and I'm not a big fan of shipfics, but there is a weird synergy in this story that I find strangely appealing.

Starship Captain
« Reply #4 on: 07-13-2005 15:54 »

This was quite good!

Can't wait to see more of it.

Keep it up.

Delivery Boy
« Reply #5 on: 07-13-2005 17:27 »

Dr. Thunder... 

Thank you for your critique of my story. Like I said for Spacedal, I admit this was a little rough (I kind of made this up as I go  frown ) and went a little overboard on the diologue. Also the "romance" if you can call it that was sappy at best, (I'd go back and change it, but in my haste I sent the damm thing to Graham over at Futurama Madhouse) and the violence was over the top.

I wanted to just convey a sense of that "War Is Hell" quality to my story. I've grown up around military history and read up on famous battles plus I have a large collection of war films I use for inspiration so that may be the result of the bloodfest you read. Sorry   frown   

-Space Luftwaffe? What the hell was I thinking? After all in the audio commentary of "Leela's Homeworld" David Cohen said if you wanted to take a present or past event and make it futuristic add "Space" to it. Nevertheless, I really screwed up on that one.

-I admit Amy's outburst at Bender and her freaking out on the Professor was out of character, but I wanted to show that she actually cared for her friends. (You probably think that line was stupid, but to hell with it. I didn't know what else to put down.

-Originally there was to be a part where the NVA troops cringed in disgust/fear at Leela's eye, but for reasons I can't fully explain, I forgot to add it. To me this is major plot hole in the story. Too bad I can't change it now. A man can dream. A man can dream.   

God I'm really being hard on myself...Ah screw it. Its been like that for years.

NIC2001: Thanks for the review buddy!   


Starship Captain
« Reply #6 on: 07-13-2005 17:42 »

I'm not really good with review.
I know what I like and what I don't like!

---> I like your story so far. <---

I like the amount of details you've put in it.

I just don't have the time to write more!

I'll be following your fic.

Bye for now



DOOP Secretary
« Reply #7 on: 07-14-2005 03:52 »

I didn't mean to fault you "Space Luftwaffe."  I just said what I would have done.  After careful reconsideration, I didn't know if enough people were familiar enough with German or WWII to know that "Luft" means "air."  That being said, "Space Luftwaffe," while redundant to some, would probably be better for most.

Delivery Boy
« Reply #8 on: 07-14-2005 15:59 »

Eh, don't worry about it now. I'm cool.

Space Pope
« Reply #9 on: 07-14-2005 22:51 »

I'm real sorry BR, but I forgot to mention one more thing about your fic.

Leela took a long deep breath. "Fry I have appreciated everything you've done for me. Stopping me from marrying that jerk Alkazar, finding my parents, doing that opera for me despite that fact that you didn't have the robot devil's hands anymore, so I just wan't to say..." her voice trailed off.

Beautifly written. But...we've all heard that before. In many fics that involve a Leela admiting to Fry that she loves him, the author will put this line. And it's not that there's anything wrong with it it's just old. We all know what Fry has done for her and we don't need to see her explain it to us again. To explain it better, here's a quote from Gorky.

My only real complaint is that you sort of fell into that "Leela's realization" step towards the end of the story. What I mean is, you rehashed pretty much every guy she's ever dated, reiterated why they were bad for her, and told why Fry's different. It's not that that's a bad thing per se, it's just that it's been done so many times that it's become cliche. I mean, we know Zapp, Adlai, Alkazar (an unmentioned Chaz) and now, Julius, were all wrong for Leela. It's just sort of annoying to have Leela (or Fry) going through the process of why they were all wrong for her. (Although, you did mention Farnsworth and Hermes as men who want something from her, which I thought was an interesting angle...one I haven't seen before, at least.)

Don't hit me. I still think you're great

Delivery Boy
« Reply #10 on: 07-16-2005 00:07 »

Oh boy here comes the napalm... 

*Hides subterranean bunker like an un-named 20th century dictator*
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